The Perks of Being Oneself

S

My hair is starting to grow past my ears again. I rather like having part of it back.

I lived my professional life under a misleading pretext—that of being a young man. I generally pulled the act off rather well, assiduously wearing clothes that carefully concealed my bust and underplayed my hips. However, one fateful day my employer recognized I was no page boy. I had worried about it being found out beforehand, but a part of me had simply continued on in denial, never imagining I'd have to face the day when my true identity would become clear to all. Moreover, by some strange twist of fate, the fact of my being a woman ended up working out in my favor, as the owner of our firm happened to be a formidable fae sorceress, who upon hearing of my case, personally came to our site to congratulate me for my utter temerity and technical excellence. But I get ahead of myself.

You see, Grimble, my superior had gotten it into his head that I would do much better with a proper girl friend. I knew he had been intimating the idea, trying to get me to take notice of the ladies who came by to pick up orders or who happened to pass by in the alley. I had shown my characteristic indifference and apparently this had only goaded him on to more elaborate schemes for ending my long streak of celibacy.

So he rounded us all into a pub one night and paired each of us up with a piece of feminine company, making sure my companion would be among the most eager for engaging in certain activities. To be fair, she was a pretty little elf three quarters my height with bright purple eyes. But as the rounds of beer tallied up I was horrified to discover she was absolutely insatiable and would not take no for an answer. Her name was Teline.

"No, really I…I don't do these sorts of…" I stammered, already tipsy.

She put a hand on my arm and I tried to wriggle away.

"You're just young and scared, but I'll show you." This time she reached for the top of my thigh.

My eyes bugged at her boldness. Her doe eyes batted at me with glee.

"No, I assure you, Teline, Grimble's given you the wrong idea about me. I'm not looking for a girlfriend. I've already got one." I picked her hand off my leg and slid in the opposite direction, just a few inches short from hopping to the next bar stool altogether.

"Sure, and now you can have two. No one's counting."

I rolled my eyes and clenched my teeth. That lie obviously didn't work. The other boys were drunk, but some were clearly staring. Naturally they couldn't comprehend why I wouldn't appreciate the advances of one of the prettiest girls in the room. Jealousy sparked out of the edges of my peripheral vision as I tried to keep things manageable.

"I'm really not that sort of person, Teline."

"I don't care what sort of person you are. We are here, and you are scared. And I think it's cute. So I want you. And I'm not taking no for an answer!"

With that she leaned in to kiss me and put her hand on my chest simultaneously. I managed to duck out of the kiss but her hand landed directly on a very womanly part of my anatomy. Her eyes got big and she gasped as I scrambled to get her hand off my chest.

"Wait a second…" she squinted and did the most daring thing I could think of. She went straight for my crotch! I jumped out of the bar stool and scat to the other end of the room. All the boys were laughing at me and Grimble was just furrowing his brow from a private booth.

"Sarah isn't a boy! Boy's don't have boobs! You're not a boy, that's it. Tell us now! I felt it with my own hand!" She taunted, announcing so all could hear.

Luckily, everyone was so drunk at that point, people just laughed. I even stayed on and played another drinking game. Except suddenly all the boys were trying to poke me or look me over. At last I went home and just prayed that in the morning I would still have a job.

The next day Grimble gave me the strangest look. But he didn't tell me to go home. A few hours into work he approached my desk.

"You don't have to wear all that if you don't want to. We all know now."

I looked up with mock innocence.

"Don't give me that. You just be grateful this company is run by a powerful sorceress. When she heard your story early this morning, she laughed and said she was delighted to have a woman working as a scribe at her publishing house. In fact, she'd like to meet you," he raised an eyebrow before going on, "I suggest you find something nicer to wear before she sees you."

I glanced around unsure of what he was suggesting.

"Go on git out! Here's a silver piece from the head honcho, so go get yourself some lady-proper attire. She wants to have tea with you this afternoon. Forget the writing quota, we'll work that out later. This is your mistress we're talking about here!"

I took the coin from his insistent hand and rushed awkwardly out the door. I knew where the clothing stalls were in the main market, so I went to those and found a dress. I hadn't worn anything resembling a dress since…

I chose a forest green fabric that felt solid and smooth against my skin.

Later that day I met my 'mistress.'

She developed an insatiable curiosity about me at once, and it slowly dawned on me that I had been adopted as her personal protégée.

S

My life was mostly work and time spent with Dardinian's family. Still, now and then, I could help but mull over my memories of the Goblin Castle and its king.

In the end, I decided to write him a note of apology. It didn't quite seem the local custom, but something in my own sensibility drew me to take action. Reentering the world again had shown me that not everything is entirely straightforward, and circumstances are often stranger than one initially guesses. Whatever that book said of him, I had only known care and patient gentleness. I could only remember affection and kindness. And no one I had met since leaving his castle had found it necessary to warn me to keep away from him. In fact, very few people seemed to know anything of the Goblin City. Perhaps he was a great deceiver and I a fool for feeling any sense of propriety towards him. Nonetheless, my heart muscle didn't want to take the chance that I'd been wrong. For what if all he had been doing was helping, caring, even loving me? I shuddered to flesh out the repercussions of the scenario.

It took me a bit of stealth and research to figure out how people sent messages here. I had a vague sense that the procedure might be otherwise, but accustomed to hiding the depths of my own ignorance, I simply watched, listened and observed until I had a pretty decent idea of how the postal system functioned. Minimizing my propensity to stick out like a sore thumb was crucial to smooth survival, so I was becoming a real expert in the field. And, yes, I was quite proud of myself for figuring it all out on my own.

It seems a certain breed of fae-friendly troll has a monopoly on this region. Apparently in others there are talking eagles, centaurs, and allegedly even unicorns have a stake in the communications infrastructure here. Mermen and mermaids are said to deliver messages between the sea and land, but not without the aid of sea turtles and certain sentient reptiles. At first I was disappointed that our region was overrun with trolls since, from all the options, they seemed the slowest. However, I learned that the trolls have a particular magic which allows parchment and papyrus to be transferred to the originally intended addressee without even the need for full knowledge of the address, much less manual transportation. Having heard the reports of many satisfied business clients, I decided to throw my lot in with one particular office in the vicinity, which was run by what seemed to be a fairly amiable troll, Taddle. The price was not exorbitant, but it wasn't cheap either. I held my breath as I walked out of the dusty shop littered with uncut gems and fragmented geodes. Hopefully my message would get to him:

"Jareth, I have reflected on my behavior at your castle, and I now regret I left you on such terms. I can only remember kindness when I think of you, and I am sorry I said the things I did. I have found an occupation and have learned more about who I am. I thought you might be happy to know. –Sarah"