2. June-

Bobbie:

Study party schedule:

2nd, 4th, 6th, 10th, 12th

Exams start on the 16th. I almost hope that whatever Draco is up to, it happens before exams. Hermione has gone all crazed study-monster again. We're meeting for three hours in the evening each day. I think I am going to have to tie her up and leave her in a closet somewhere.

~L'elly.

3. June-

Bobbie:

I re-read the warning letter Draco sent me back on 17. May. I know we've been at odds since, but his birthday is on the fifth and I really want to see him. I'm going to try to patch things up. I miss him. I can't end the year on a sour note and just keep my fingers crossed that I'll get a chance to fix it next year. The way things are going, I might not. I don't know what all is happening, but Daddy's not writing long letters, Draco is jittery, and even Dumbledore's been missing on and off...and that makes me very very nervous. I mean, he's been known to vanish for no reason before, but he's been doing all this private study with Harry and that can't bode well for the rest of the wizarding world.

I'm drafting a letter right after I sign off here.

~L'elly.

5. June-

Bobbie:

I got a letter much earlier today from Draco. We're meeting in the Astronomy tower late tonight. He says that we won't get in trouble. What do I care if we get in trouble or not? I don't think I have anything I can give him for his birthday. I wish I did, but I don't. I just want him to know that I'm here for him and I think I may love him, you know? I certainly don't want to leave him feeling alone at the end of this year.

Anyway, I have to finish lunch before we head off to other classes. I'll write more later.

~L'elly.

6. June-

Bobbie:

It's something like two in the morning and I have classes tomorrow. Lovely. No, really, it is. I had a great night.

So here's what happened. We met at ten and sat together kind of awkwardly for a while and then we both had brought a little of our homework with us, so we studied together for a while. We heard the clock strike half past eleven. That's when I put aside my pen and my books.

"Ok, so you were kind of an ass to me two weeks ago. I kind of wanted to slap you. But I miss you and I've been thinking about what would happen if you died or something over the summer, so I'm not so mad anymore...so I hope you had a happy birthday, and I won't hex the crap out of you."

He paused, still hunched over an assignment, his pen frozen, before he started chuckling, "Wilde...you have no idea how glad I am to hear your voice. Thank you for NOT hexing me today."

I stopped, "We've been talking for all this time."

"Studying, yes...but that doesn't really count. I just love to hear YOU- your strong, bold self." He put away his class work, "This is the best birthday present I could have hoped for."

"What else did you get today?"

"Some insanely expensive watch from my mother...and all kinds of things from my classmates...sweets, trinkets, toys, all that stuff...but nothing I really need."

"Lucky."

"Maybe...but I'd rather give it all back and just be able to spend my time with you."

Awwww...how does a girl follow that up?

"Draco, that's amazingly sweet." I kind of wanted to just kiss him. I didn't though. I should have. I'll be kicking myself for that one for a while. He just looked amazing, even though he's got such dark circles under his eyes and you can see a light scar on his face from where Harry attacked him.

I came over and sat right next to him and put my arms around him and kissed his cheek. He hugged me back and kissed my cheek. I really wanted to just snog him, but I was just too afraid. We nuzzled and cuddled and held one another and kept each other smiling and content. I honestly think I love him. I may want to just slug him sometimes, but he's still my Draco.

He spoke, "I'm so sorry, Wilde, that I was wicked to you in the hallway. I'm being watched...I should have just told you that."

"Probably would have saved me plotting my vengeance."

"Forgive me, Wilde?"

"Honey, I already told you that I'm not mad about it anymore."

He nuzzled down against my neck, "I know, I just don't want to break this."

I know what he means, "Neither do I." Holding him there, him holding me...it's just so perfect. So peaceful. The world falls away and I stop worrying about homework and the ensuing chaos and everything terrifying that is probably coming our way. It's just us.

I heard the bells toll midnight.

I asked him if he wanted to get to bed so he could get to morning lectures and he said no, "Can't we just stay here for a little while longer? We've got so little time left."

"Draco, what's coming?"

"You know I can't tell you."

Grr. Alright, fine. I can handle this. I really can. I just let it slide by. Whee hee, Lewellyn's growin' on up.

We tipped back and stared up at the stars. We just watched them for a while. I saw a meteor or something. I made a wish. I know it won't come true, but at this point, anything's worth a shot. We held hands and watched the skies. He sat up. It was getting late...I think it was close to one at this point. I remember hearing the bell toll out while he was sitting up, leaning over me. He stroked my cheek. I blushed. He helped me sit up a bit. I curled up against him. Snuggle snuggle. Bell tolled one. We cuddled and touched and we were nose to nose, both breathing so lightly, like we're afraid to break whatever enchantment has us suspended without time. He brushed his nose against mine. I wondered if he was going to kiss me. He moved in a little, then stopped and pulled back, his lips brushing my cheek. Damn. I was hoping...but then again, I didn't take the initiative either. There had better be a next time, because I am not going to hesitate when that opportunity comes.

He started to say something, "I..."

"Yes?"

He hesitated, like he was trying to figure out what it was he was going to say...maybe he was trying to figure out if his timing was right, "I'm going to miss you, L'elly."

Damn. I was hoping to hear something else. I'm a hopeless romantic...and a bit of a chicken.

"I'm going to miss you, too. Will you be back next fall?"

"I hope so."

We held each other. The clock chimed half past. He kissed my forehead, "Now we should get going. My lookout said no later than two...so I've got to stay on his good side and get out a little early so he'll do this again."

I agreed. We gathered up our homework and got ready to head back inside. He took my hand and squeezed it. I didn't let go. He didn't pull away. We held hands as we walked down the stairs.

At the base, he squeezed my hand again, "Some day, Lewellyn Wilde. Some day."

He walked off. I heard a second set of footsteps join him later along the hallway. I darted back to Gryffindor house.

Here I am, now, sitting in the tower, wishing that I could have just walked off hand in hand with him. I also wish I would have kissed him- I had the PERFECT opportunity! Oh well, live without regrets. That's Papa's way and I'm trying to do so my hardest.

I have to say, though- tonight is mine. I'm not telling Luna, I'm not telling Daddy or Andi...tonight belongs to me.

To us.

~L'elly.

10. June-

Bobbie:

Fourth study party was today. Hermione is neurotic and nearly drove Neville and I mad. Luna is blessedly zoned out most of the time and doesn't let it get to her so much. I know she notices, but she's also able to just tune out and not take it so personally. Ginny's doing alright in the study group. I try not to pay attention to Harry, and Ron bugs me right now, too. Gah!

I forgot to write earlier that Draco said we had to be quiet this week...he dropped me a scrap of paper on Monday that combusted after I found it. I won't be pasting it in here, obviously. He said he would send me a meeting date when he could pinpoint one, but to break contact until I got notice. I am worried, scared, and don't want to be trying to concentrate on school-work.

I hate exams. They should be outlawed.

~L'elly.

13. June-

Bobbie:

Something is coming. Draco sent me a note again today- he said that whatever is happening, I need to stay put this Sunday. He told me that he will probably only see me one more time- this Saturday in the Astronomy tower. He even set a time frame. I can't stand this. I've drafted him a letter- here's the first go at it. I'll copy it out if it sounds alright after I read it in a bit and revise it, if needed.

Draco-

I know you have to leave at the end of this year, and even though I don't understand why you can't do what you want to and why you have to follow the wills of others, I have decided to trust that you are going to somehow be safe and we can find each other again at some point. I am really scared that this next year is going to be a hell-hole around here, and dealing with it without you is going to suck. Completely suck.

Anyway, you probably already figured that, and this letter is not all about the possibility of next year being rough.

I just wanted to write to tell you that, if you decide you can break away, run away, blast your way free...whatever...you've got a place with me. My father...you don't really know him. He's a very private person, but he does respect me and my decisions. If I told him he needed to just trust me on this, he would. He does. I know he's got other things on his mind right now, but things work out when people stick together and I am willing to take risks and fight that battle whenever I need to. You got that? I'm willing to fight for you, all you need to do is take that first step.

You can do it. You are strong. I know you say He'd find you. I know we've talked about this and you tell me He'd hunt us down and I would be the one to suffer first. I still think that it's possible to hide you- He's powerful, but there are people on our side who are, too- it's not just Dumbledore v. Him.

It's hard for me to write this letter- especially after you told me to just not talk to you all this week...and you set a meeting for such a specific place and time. I'll be there, don't worry...wouldn't miss you for the world, but that doesn't mean this isn't hard and it doesn't feel like it couldn't be a permanent goodbye. I don't know how to handle that. Permanent goodbyes...are rough. I didn't get to say goodbye to Sirius. Nothing left after to say goodbye to, either... You know what I'm getting at here. Please, I don't want to have to say it, and I don't want to go through it again, either- not sure I could, at this point.

I'm not sure what to say we are to each other, but I don't want to lose you like that, and if we end up on opposite sides of this fight, you know I can't hurt you. I just can't, and I don't want to see one of my family members be your downfall, either.

There are so many things I want to say at once. Things I don't know if I should say, or if I should wait and say them when we meet. I don't want to screw this up.

I guess it will have to wait. If I don't get the courage to say it then...I'll write it down and hand the note to you so you can read it after whatever happens...so you can decide then what to do about it.

Peace-
Wilde.

I don't know if I will send it, or if I just needed to see it in print. I will bring it with me to our meeting on Saturday. I just need him to know that I think I love him.

Gah.

When did life get so crazy difficult? I thought things were supposed to be easier when you got all grown up and suddenly all those things that you-will-understand-when-you-are-older come to you as one great, mystical revelation.

I feel kind of cheated, you know, by that damned saying!

~L'elly.

14. June-

Bobbie:

I should probably start at the beginning. I went up to the Astronomy tower tonight and met with Draco. No surprise there. The surprises started when I got up to the tower.

He was standing on the edge, looking out. He did not turn to face me and told me that this would be the last time we saw each other this year. Apparently, the something that is on his mind so much lately is going to happen tomorrow, hands down, no stopping it.

I should probably tell someone, but what would I say, exactly? "Oh, hello, Professor McGonagall, Draco is more antsy than usual and something sinister will probably happen tomorrow. No idea what or where or an exact time or anything, but just figured you ought to know." Like that would be taken seriously.

Anyway, back to my story.

I'm obviously worried at this point, right? He's telling me he's most likely leaving. I asked him what was going on.

"Draco, just tell me- I can't deal with all this cryptic bullshit. You're here right now, I'm here, and we're alone. Let's just get this out in the air so we can figure out how to deal with it."

He closed the distance between us and stood right in front of me. He took my hands and was having trouble finding words. I just stared at him. When he relaxes that sneer and becomes, well, himself...god, he's so beautiful.

He wasn't saying anything, so I spoke again, "What's wrong? I'm scared and I don't want to lose you. Please, just talk to me..."

We were standing there, his head down...he wouldn't look at me. Another bit of unusual. I let go of one hand and touched his cheek. At this point, I'm thinking that the way he's talking, I either make my intentions damned clear now, or I might not get the chance to do it later. You know I'm stubborn and determined, and I am not leaving business unfinished. If I get this one shot, I'm going to take it, you know? So there I am, my hand resting on his cheek, the other hand holding his, and he finally looks up at me.

He was crying. Not, like, sobbing, or anything, but he was definitely crying, tears streaming down his cheeks. So here we are, two terrified kids trying to be all grown up...and I end up the one talking again.

"Draco, what's going on?"

His free hand came up and he touched me on the lips. I smiled a little and locked eyes. I wanted him to know I'm not afraid, right? He stepped in. Our noses touched. I could hear him breathing...this is just like before, when we almost kissed and he almost said something...and I know he didn't say what he was thinking then. Hesitancy like that means he was trying to figure out what to say and when to say it. I've wondered what he almost said and I've been hoping it was what I almost said, too.

We linger for a moment. I lean into him. I think he realised that I wasn't resisting and this was his moment to make his move before I made mine, because he kissed me. He started out so lightly and I think he was trying to read my body for signals on how to continue. Having never kissed someone before, I was kind of unsure of myself in this whole thing...but that didn't stop him. He was all gentle and slow and god...

Damn.

Seriously, HOT damn...

And it didn't stop at one simple little kiss, either. That kiss...or series of kisses? What do you really call it when it's one of those kisses that lasts, like, forever (ok, reality, probably five minutes...but time just kind of stops for you) and it starts out with just the lips, but crescendos to where there's the whole mouth involved and then tapers back off to just a simple brush from parted lips? It was a total brain-eraser. I liked it. A lot. After, I was in a daze, so he just kissed my forehead and pulled me close and held me there. It took a while, but he finally said something.

"L'elly...I'm sorry, but after tomorrow, this tower isn't going to be the same for either of us. I want what happens now to be able to be our last happy memory of this place."

"Draco, is something terrible going to happen tomorrow?"

"Yes. Please, be safe. Promise me you'll stay out of the way of whatever happens. For us...it's going to be bad either way. No matter how it turns out, it's going to, well, suck."

I promised him I would. God, I hope he's alright. Scared isn't even the right word to describe my emotions...probably more like terrified- petrified, even. After that, he held me for a little while longer before walking over to near the wall and picking up a package, wrapped in brown paper. He handed it to me and told me not to open it until after tomorrow. I don't know why- I am guessing it is his theatre effects book- the one we first started reading together. Maybe there's something here I am not seeing. I am thinking that's probably it. I told him I would wait and he gestured for me to sit down with him on a blanket he had spread out near the centre of the tower. I did, and we ended up laying back, watching the stars. I love stargazing with him- the stars aren't just the constellations from Astronomy class...they still are beautiful. They still are mysterious and they still make me feel incredibly small. I love them.

He eventually sat back up and told me that he had to get going- the person who was making sure we didn't get caught could only wait so long. He then asked me to promise him something else.

"Will you promise me that, no matter what happens tomorrow, you will still be able to look at me after? Just imagine me doing the worst thing in the world...would you still be able to talk to me?"

I had no idea what he was getting at, but whatever is coming must be absolutely atrocious, especially if he's so worried I'll never speak to him again after it. I promised him I would and said what I didn't think I could say out-loud.

"Of course I will...I love you."

Holy. Shit.

Yeah. It's a big deal, the first time you say that to someone other than your dad or your best friend...and you mean it in a way that doesn't apply to either of them. It's seriously heavy.

And I did it! Squee!

The amazing thing is, he didn't react in horror or anything. He broke my gaze, shook his head a little, and then took my hand.

"Yeah...Wilde, I love you, too."

Holy. Shit. Again.

I really didn't know what to do at this point- I mean, saying that ALONE was such an accomplishment that I never really thought about what happens next. He stood up and offered to help me up. I accepted, picked up the package,and then he folded the blanket. He tossed it over his shoulder and, before he turned to leave, grabbed me in this huge, strong hug, like he never wanted to let me go.

"I hope this isn't goodbye..."

Again, I was at a loss for words. I really suck at this, don't I? What do you expect, though? This is my first kiss, from a guy I really do love and I care about immensely...even though I have no idea how to make something like this work. I said the first thing that came to my mind.

"It's not, if I have anything to say about it." I also handed him the letter. He tucked it in his coat's inner pocket.

He chuckled a little- I could tell he thought it was sweet. He kissed me again. This time was shorter, but still, amazing. He gave me one last squeeze, turned around, and left. I could swear that I heard him sniffle as he closed the door.

He just walked out.

I know- he was having a HUGELY difficult time dealing with whatever is all going on, and I know I am a big ol' complication- a wrench in the gears- to those plans. I wish things were so much more simple.

A girl's first kiss is not supposed to happen at goodbye...but mine did. I'm not complaining- it was awesome (in every sense of the word), but I just wish that we had all the time in the world to move on from here and to figure out together what comes next...but apparently we don't.

There are so many thoughts swarming in my head. I have no idea even how to put them all into words. I want to run dancing through the halls, which, on my descent from the tower, I very nearly did, until I almost ran full into Professor Snape. He was right near the tower! I hope he didn't hear anything... Anyway, I want to sing and dance and shout and scream out in utter bliss, but I also want to cry and throw things in frustration and to just spin until I get dizzy and fall over and throw up so I can just wretch out all the bad, queasy feelings that are rolling in my stomach. Whatever Draco has going on tomorrow...it's not going to be good.

I wish I could talk to someone about this...someone that wasn't just paper. This is definitely not something I can tell Luna.

I'll talk to you tomorrow. Maybe after some sleep, this will seem a lot clearer.

~L'elly.

15. June-

Bobbie-

Today has been a living hell.

Draco was right. God, I hope he's alright.

And I am not sure how to cope with this.

Daddy is going to take me home soon...I can't...I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS HAPPENED!

Draco was up in the tower (according to Harry) and he was going to kill Dumbledore...his wand was out, he wanted to do it, but he hesitated and couldn't and SNAPE KILLED DUMBLEDORE! How fucked up is that? Seriously, 'screwed up' is not a strong enough phrase- I can justify the stronger cussing.

Good god, my best friend had to kill the Headmaster...this past term makes so much more sense, knowing now what I didn't then. Harry says he wouldn't have done it, that Dumbledore was convincing him to stand down and find another way and that Draco was just a mess up there...and I so want to believe him. I may despise Harry, but he's had a hobby of turning Draco into the bad guy in every story, if he could...so the fact that he's saying otherwise speaks volumes.

I did what Draco asked, I stayed out of the way. I stayed out of the battle... Daddy was worried I had tried to fight or something when he found me, but I was sitting on my bed in the tower, scared shitless and crying. I just wish that I didn't find out about Draco. I wish he was safe sitting beside me and I could just curl up in his arms and not be so worried about what they were going to do to him once they got back to Death Eater central. At the same time...I know what happened and I know he couldn't do it. Maybe this will help Harry to understand that he's not evil, too...he's just another mixed up kid on a mission given to him by someone else. In a way, they aren't so different, even though they would probably refuse to see that.

Draco was right. No matter what happened today, we were both going to end up miserable.

I hope he's alright. They dragged him off with them- the Death Eaters, that is. I think Harry said something about Snape grabbing him and hauling him off. I can't really call him Professor Snape right now...it just doesn't feel right. If Draco really did fail in his assignment, if he was really supposed to kill Dumbledore, oh god, I hope he's still alive. I hope that whatever it is in Snape that made him heal Draco and that told me that he wished that Draco and I could just be friends will win out and he can protect Draco long enough for him to get back here in the fall. Maybe then, if he needs to flee, we can figure out a way to get him out of there.

I just wish I could help him.

I hear Daddy coming- he's talking to Tonks. I'll write more after we get back to wherever it is we are going back to- probably Weasley HQ. Maybe not. I don't want to be anywhere right now, or at least, not anywhere Harry is going to be. Not anywhere where I'll overhear them talking about Draco like he's the same as his parents. He's not. I know that.

Sigh. I'll write later.

~L'elly.

16. June-

Bobbie:

We aren't going anywhere for a while. We're all staying here for Dumbledore's funeral. I want to crawl under a rock and hide. I wonder if Daddy has figured out yet that it isn't just Dumbledore that I'm crying for.

~L'elly

17. June-

Bobbie:

I overheard Tonks and Daddy talking today. Apparently, Bill Weasley was mauled by Fenrir Greyback during the battle and Fleur was very insistent that the wedding go ahead as planned. Tonks used that as leverage. Daddy really doesn't have an argument left to stand on. That was only the start of the discussion I was Extendible Ear-ing in on. I also heard them talking about me.

"Remus, Dumbledore's death isn't the only thing she's down about. It's obvious there's something else there! You need to go talk to her."

"But she's still my little girl- I don't think I should rush her into telling me anything...it's not going to help her if her dad starts poking his nose into her business. She's sixteen. She's old enough to tell me when she's ready."

"Remus, L'elly is almost an adult! Talk to her one on one like you are both grown, not like she's a child. Something is hurting her and her way of asking for help is to not ask at all."

"How do you know that for certain?"

"Because she's just like you, you silly toad! If you won't talk to her, then I will."

"Maybe that's best, anyway...after all, maybe this has to do with something that she needs woman to woman time for. Maybe this has to do with someone...not something."

"Do you have an idea?"

"Yes, but she need to tell you on her own. We'll talk about this later, after you and she have had a talk."

Oh, fun. Parent time. Tonks is coming up the stairs...best put away the Ear.

~L'elly.

Three hours later-

Bobbie:

So...that wasn't bad, actually. I told Tonks that I had heard their conversation and that this wasn't all about Dumbledore. I told her that obviously, I felt bad about his death, but he's not the one I'm scared for, because we know where he is and where he's going to stay. She was pretty confused. I told her that I didn't want her telling Daddy quite yet about what was going through my head. I'd tell him myself, but I really did need to just tell someone EVERYTHING. She sat down on my bed and I spilled the beans. I started from the beginning and told her all about his books and our theatre discussions and how we would stargaze...all up to what happened these past few weeks and how we were both so scared about what had happened in the tower and how it had violated our space...our tower...it wasn't ours anymore. I started crying again and she hugged me and told me that it was going to be alright, somehow, and she would try to find a way to get me in touch with him over the summer, just so long as we didn't give away the position of the Order when we managed it.

I am so grateful that she understands. I guess when you fall in love with a reluctant werewolf, you have to kind of understand when your future step-daughter falls in love with a reluctant Death Eater. She didn't tell me I was crazy, she told me I was brave, and she didn't tell me I shouldn't have, only that love hurts sometimes this way. She said she wouldn't tell Daddy, but she would tell him that we had talked and that I would tell him when I was ready.

I thanked her. She really is going to make a good step-mom.

~L'elly.

18. June-

Bobbie:

To start out, I've been thinking a lot...I may not be seventeen yet, but these past few days have grown me up quite a bit. I love Dad...but it's time to start calling him Dad, rather than Daddy. I'm an adult. I need to start showing that.

Anyway, Dumbledore's funeral had a huge showing. People from all walks showed up and it was depressing as hell. I never wanted to be there. I actually sneaked off part of the way through because I couldn't deal with it. I went into the castle and picked my way up to the Astronomy tower.

That used to be our tower. It didn't used to be the site of a battle. It didn't used to be the site of a murder. It used to be our space to sit and snuggle and gaze at the stars. I am so angry that it has been stolen from us. I know, he was part of that, but what choice did he really have? I miss him. I want to see him desperately so I know he's still alive. I miss his laughter. I miss his eyes. I miss his arms around me. I miss everything about him, from the curve in his back that my arms rested in when we held each other to the smell of his clothes...

Harry found me. Freaking Harry. I still don't like that kid and his behaviour here didn't endear me to him any more. I was a mess, having sobbed for a good long time over Draco, then wiped my face on my sleeve (smudged clothes and streaked skin) and shoved back my hair (mop-on-a-stick look). Talk about the last person I wanted to see at that time- Dumbledore's Mini-Me, the bloody Boy-Who-Lived-To-Grow-Up-Annoying.

He offered to walk me down to Dad. I refused. He started in on something about Dumbledore's death and it being hard on all of us in the Order and I just exploded- now, I didn't yell too loud or anything, but I was beyond irritated.

I think I sort of remember what I said, or at least the gist of it, anyway.

"Harry, this isn't all about Dumbledore! I didn't just lose my headmaster up here, don't you get it? Draco is my best friend. I know him better than any of you in that clique you are always hanging around with. This wasn't his decision- he was so scared, he was hurt, stuck, BROKEN...and now he's alone with those...those...GOD! This isn't fair, and you should know better than to make assumptions about somebody based on what they have to do in order to survive!"

He tried to protest...said my name (Lewellyn...full first name...) and told me he had lost friends to this fight, too...and had the AUDACITY to mention Siruis.

And that's when I really lost it.

"DON'T YOU DARE ASSUME YOU WERE THE ONLY ONE WHO LOST SIRIUS! HE HAD A FAMILY- A PARTNER, A DAUGHTER...AND WE LOST HIM, TOO! I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY GOODBYE TO- NO PLACE TO GO TO SEE WHERE HE FELL! HE WASN'T JUST YOURS!"

Oh yeah, L'elly was pissed. I did everything I could to restrain myself and still found myself yelling. At least I didn't haul off and slug him. I was very tempted to knock him on his sorry ass.

And that's when Dad came in. You want to talk about an awkward moment, there it was. The worst part is, I didn't see him until AFTER what I said next.

"Potter, imagine, if you can wrap your perfect brain around it, that maybe I loved Draco and maybe he was my first kiss. Maybe he was the only guy who ever treated me like this little mediocre witch with the weird family was alright, just as she was, family, fight, and all. Maybe, just maybe, I'm thinking about the fact that he could be dead, he could be tortured, and again, for the second time in my life, I'm not going to have anything to say goodbye to. I'm going to get second-hand news of his death and there won't be any seeing him go, any last moment eye contact, or a goodbye barely breathed...he'll just be gone."

Can of worms...opened. Foot. In. Mouth.

Because there was Dad, already broken hearted, Tonks right freakin' behind him...and I just brought up Sirius.

Dad just looked at me and said it was time to go. I didn't say anything. I realised that he must have been what made that sound I heard just after the loudest part of the tirade...I realised then as I was walking out that he probably heard me yelling about Sirius' death. I realised then that he probably just heard me tell Harry that I love Draco.

Dad hasn't said anything about it yet...I hope to hell that he doesn't. I don't want to see that look on his face that says he just can't handle anymore, but he's going to suffer in silence because that's what he does. I don't want him to ask why I called our family weird. I don't want him to think about the fact that I kissed the son of our enemy's lead general. I really don't want to see that reaction. I don't want to know what he and Tonks will talk about tonight at the Order meeting. I just want to go hide under a rock, but what with all hell just having broken loose, you can bet this summer is going to be Lewellyn on a tight leash.

Oh joy.

~L'elly.

19. June-

Bobbie:

We're at the Burrow. Molly insisted. She wants to make sure everyone is alright before we all head our different ways. Andi and Ted are coming to get Dad, Tonks, and I tomorrow to head back to their home. Fleur is busy preparing for she and Bill's wedding and she's making sure he's fine the entire time. Despite the fact that she can be pretty annoying, she's a good person at heart.

Someone's knocking- which tells me it's not one of the youngers. I'm going to bet it's either Dad or Molly.

~L'elly.

Evening-

Bobbie:

That was Molly who knocked. She wanted to see how I was holding up. I told her everything, same as I told Tonks. I need Mom figures right now. I will tell Dad...but I know he's going to be hurt by it. I don't want him to be. I guess that's Sirius in me...he always tried to keep things from Remus because he hated seeing that suffering-in-silence look that he gets in his eyes when he puts everyone else before himself and ends up miserable for it. I just...I need to see how other people react to it first. Tonks took it alright. Molly just hugged me. She told me that she understands that Draco's probably just as scared as the rest of us. She told me she hopes his parents are watching over him the best they know how. She did everything she could to try to make me feel better, so I hugged her back, thanked her, and asked if we could do some baking therapy. As soon as I'm done writing, we're making pies.

~L'elly.

21. June (1 am)-

Bobbie:

Andi and I sat up reading from Papa's book tonight. I am sitting now in the window of my room and I am watching the full moon. Ted and she have made this officially my room. Apparently, this was an empty room until Ted and Dad retrieved my bed and dresser (along with Dad and I's other stuff) from Order HQ. I guess since Dumbledore's dead, the protection around the place is gone- all his spells and everything that kept it secret. I would say that I miss that house, but more of what I miss are the memories Papa, Dad, and I all made in it. We made so much out of so little... I know that Dad didn't bring all of Papa's things here- he couldn't manage to bring it all. Sirius' clothes, I think, are largely still there. I hope I can go back and get them some day. I hope Harry doesn't do anything stupid with that house. If he does, I'll beat him with a stick.

I should get some rest. This has been a long week.

~L'elly.

Late afternoon-

Bobbie:

Oy. Oy. Oy. (No, not singing AC/DC). Dad and Tonks came to talk to me today about what I had said back on the 18th when I blew up at Harry. He wanted to know what all I had been talking about.

"L'elly...we need to talk about some things."

Here goes, I thought, "Let me guess- kissing Draco, weird family, Papa."

"That would be about it, yes. Do you care to elaborate on any of that?"

Tonks plopped down on the bed next to me, "Come on, El, it's time you told your Dad what you told me about Draco. You made sense then, you can make sense now."

I started telling Draco and I's story, just the same as I had with her. I flipped back through the pages of this diary to make sure I got things straight and that I told him all of what was going through my head. I told him about the night before the battle. I told him about our kiss and about saying goodbye without actually saying it. I showed him the ring and the locket.

He sat down in the chair across from the bed and stared at the picture in the locket for what seemed like a long time, "You really think he's not willingly against us?"

"Dad, I know he's not. He was terrified all semester about what would happen if he failed his assignment...which, according to Harry, he sort of did. He was so freaked out that he wouldn't be seen with me at school because he said that if he were, his mother could bear the brunt of the punishment for it. He told me that the choice he had was to do what he was told or to risk his family turning up tortured and dead. You didn't see him looking more and more ill as the year went on and all...I did. I watched him fall apart. I stargazed with him late into the night, and I was a form of sanity, I suppose. What else was I supposed to do, just leave him to deal with things on his own?"

Dad just sighed and closed the locket, "No...you care too much to be able to do that. We raised you too well for you to just be able to walk away when someone needs you."

Tonks put her arm around my shoulder, "So, one down. Two to go. You're doing fine, El."

I smiled, "So...weird family?"

"Yep, what say you?"

"I say that I do have a kind of weird family- I have two dads and a step-mom and I'm totally adopted...so I actually have two other parents and a little monster brother, too, but they're idiots. Families with one parent are easier to explain than families with three and two genetic donors."

Tonks reached forward and took the locket and ring from Dad, "She has a point there, Moony."

"That she does, Nymphadora." He turned to me, "You don't need to explain about Siruis. I know his death is still hard for you to deal with because he was just gone- nothing there to bury, nothing to help you come to terms with it. I hope you don't have to go through that again with your friend."

Tonks opened the locket and handed me the ring, "Aww, this is sweet! You two are so cute playing in the snow! He looks so different when he's laughing and happy than when he's a jackass little snot."

She handed the locket back to me, "I guess you've figured out by now that your relationship isn't going to be easy, right?"

"Yes...I mean, we spent all year meeting in secret, never talking in the hallways, and hiding our friendship from the other students. We both just wanted the secrecy to end...but we couldn't. It's just the way it is."

Dad shrugged, "Well, I suppose if you are willing to accept that, then there's nothing we can do to stop you and we shouldn't, anyway. You understand the dangers, you understand what is going on in the world, and you are strong enough to stand on your own. We've raised a capable, strong young woman."

"Thanks, Dad."

Tonks tousled my hair, "You're remarkably like your dads, El. Now come on, let's go dive into the pies you and Mol sent home with us. Mom's been eyeing the apple one all day and I think Dad might have already tried to sneak a piece of the berry."

And that was it. We went downstairs, we had pie, and I didn't have to worry about hiding Draco from the family anymore. I think after London, Andi and Ted have things pretty well figured out.

Somehow, we're all going to be all-right.

~L'elly.

23. June-

Bobbie:

I realised yesterday that I never opened Draco's package. I was going to get to it yesterday evening, but Ted tempted me into a game of exploding snap from which there was no return.

Ten minutes ago, I finally opened it. It was, like I had suspected, his theatre book. I just sat and hugged it for a minute and then opened it. He had written a letter and tucked it inside.

Wilde-

By now, you know what I had to do and I've either done it or died. I'm hoping that I'm still alive as you are reading this. You probably know if I am or not.

I am going to try to write to you as often as I can over the summer. We need to keep close.

I want you to have this book. I won't be able to have it from here on in and I know you will cherish it just as much as I did. I know you will keep it safe and you are the one person I know who will look at it in as much wonder as I did.

I love you, L'elly. I hope you got the chance to hear it from me in person before we parted. That's the problem with writing these things ahead-of-time- you never know what happened in the hours between when I wrote this and when you are reading it.

If I'm alive after the tower, I will see you in the fall, come hell or high water, and I will write to you this summer.

Stay safe.

O.G.

I'm happy. I'm quiet. I'm going to go take some tea and snuggle down on my fluffy bed with the book.

~L'elly.

Later in the day-

Bobbie:

I'm getting a new look. It's time to shed this shell. We're chopping the hair and dying it. I'm also going shopping with Andi. I need some vintage funk in my life!

Go punk me!

~L'elly.

24. June-

Bobbie:

I took a chance and wrote to Draco care of his father at the Ministry. I know his father is in Azkaban, but maybe someone is forwarding mail to Malfoy Mannor.

I can only hope.

I miss him.

~L'elly.

26. June-

Bobbie:

Andi, Tonks, and I went to London and went shopping today for girl time and fun. We found some fun boutique shops and hit up lunch at an Indian restaurant off the beaten path. We also went to the Victoria and Albert Museum and wandered the galleries. That's the nice thing about charms- you can make your many parcels cram all into one tiny handbag. It was such a lovely day and Andi bought me some amazing clothes. She and Tonks said I needed retail therapy and I wasn't going to argue with that.

Just a highlight of some of the wicked things I found:

1- Amazingly gorgeous 50s sundress in light yellow with sunflowers
2- Best peep-toe burlesque shoes EVER
3- Large floral print 60s tent dress
4- Gorgeous Gunne Sax maxi dress from the 70s
5- Straw hat with flowers
6- Patent leather pumps in dark red
7- Corset (leather, dark green!)
8- Floor length skirt (with train) in royal purple

Dad would flip over the corset, but it is amazingly soft and fits so well...and since Andi said that I should have something utterly stunning so she could take me out late some night to something insanely formal, I'm not going to argue!

Despite all the crappy things that have happened so far, this summer might not turn out so bad after all!

~L'elly.

Late evening...probably night-

Bobbie:

Dad just told me that Lucius Malfoy has been released from Azkaban on His orders.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I hear back from Draco.

~L'elly.

28. June-

Bobbie:

I've been so worried about Draco. I got a letter from him today.

Wilde-

I got your letter, along with a note explaining where it was found. Apparently, your Arthur Weasley has been keeping an eye out in my father's mail for things that are sent to the Ministry that shouldn't just wind up in the rubbish bin. He pulled your letter, figuring it was important since it was hand-addressed. He sent it in an envelope to my mother. She opened it and saw your first line, read it (I suppose it is what parents do), and then handed it to me. She promised me she wouldn't even tell my father what it is that she read if I didn't want her to. I told her to please keep quiet about us for the time being. We can't have Him finding out about us.

I miss you, too, L'elly. I really do wish that we could see each other this summer, but I don't think that will be possible.

You probably have already heard from those on your side, but my father is home. I don't know entirely how, other than that He had a lot to do with it. Father looks terrible. He stepped in the door and Mother hugged him, then sent him upstairs to bathe and change clothing. I didn't get the chance to see him until after Mother had helped him untangle and wash his hair. She later told me that she was afraid she might have to cut it off when she saw how snarled it was. I am so glad he is home, but at the same time, I am terrified as to what it means. What does He have planned?

Don't try to write back quite yet- the owls are even being searched.

O.G.

I'm not even sure what to say...

~L'elly.