Nikki

My phone beeps. It's from Jack and it makes my heart leap. For so many months, I've been longing to get a message like this from him – not about work, friendly. Perhaps more than friendly – and caring. As we were before.

And that's what it is.

'How'd it go? Want pizza? Xx'

'Went well thanks. Pizza sounds great. I'll be over at 7 Xx' I answer. He texts me back almost immediately.

'The normal? I'll have it ordered 4 when u arrive. Xx'

Before Mexico, pizza nights were frequent, – sometimes at Jack's and sometimes at mine. We generally ended up staying over as well – as we often fell asleep during the film and neither of us could be bothered to leave when we woke. I have to say, I've always preferred the pizza nights at Jack's flat. It's much more cosy and warm-feeling. My house sometimes seems so big and empty – even when Jack's there, which is strange when I'm the one who chose to live there – chose to buy a house, as opposed to a little flat.

I turn up up at Jack's flat at 5 to 7, excited to see him.

"Hey!" He greets me, when he opens the door.

"Hey" I repeat back, hugging him as he closes the door behind me.

He takes my coat and hangs it up. "So, I was thinking..." He starts.

"Ooh – you want to be careful with that!" I giggle as I line my boots up neatly next to his shoes.

"And that's before you've had any wine!" He quips with a chuckle. "No – I was thinking that we could watch James Bond..."

He knows I've got a thing for James Bond films. "Sounds great!" I agree, following him into his room.

"Al right then..." He says, running his finger along the bookcase where he keeps his DVDs. I loop my arm through his as he reads out the titles. "Goldeneye...Goldfinger...Moonraker...Dr No...For your eyes only...Octopussy...On her majesty's secret service...?" He glances at me and raises his eyebrows in amusement – clearly wondering if I'm going to make him read them all out.

Because...Jack has them all! (Although, some of them are mine.) He used to buy me one every month until we completed the set. It was a 'challenge' that amused us.

I lean up and ruffle his hair. "Why don't you surprise me!"

"Ok." We hear the doorbell ring as he selects one and hands it to me with a grin.

"Live and Let Die?" I comment. "Ooh – good choice!"

Jack chuckles and fondly caresses my hair in the way he always used to. "Go and get comfy – I'll get the pizza."

I load the DVD into the player and curl up on the bed. The one complaint I have about Jack's place is that, in his living room, the sofas are neither comfortable nor positioned correctly around the TV. He's always just used the TV in his room and I suspect, when he bought the sofas, he went for looks rather than comfort, because he had no real intention of ever using them.

"Thanks mate." I hear Jack say and the door closes.

"Ooh, pizza!" I giggle excitedly as he brings it it.

"Well, I was going to offer you that wine." He chuckles. "But I'm not sure you need it!"

"Oh, come on!" I exclaim – feigning bitter disappointment.

He laughs. "Ok your majesty! I'll go and get you some wine!" He leaves the room with a little mock bow. "Oy! Don't eat it all without me!" He calls over his shoulder, seeing me flip the lid of the box open.

"Have I ever eaten a pizza without you, Jack?" I comment flippantly with a giggle.

I hear the fridge open and the clatter of glass.

"There's a first time for everything!" He chuckles as he comes back in and sets the two glasses down on the bedside table, pouring wine into them. He sets the bottle down next to the full glasses and climbs over me to settle on the inner side of the bed – smoothing down the quilt under him when it gets rucked up.

"You know, you're supposed to make your bed in the morning!" I quip.

"And for that..." he sniggers. "I get an extra olive!" He reaches over me and takes an olive off the piece of pizza in my hand.

"Jack!" I protest with a laugh.

We polish off the pizza and then curl up watching the film.

"Nikki..." He says after a while.

"Mm-hm?"

"I'm...I'm...just...really sorry for how I've been..." He mutters. "I..."

I cut him off. "Jack, I understand why you did it now – and it's ok."

"You do?" He repeats hopefully.

"Yes." I answer, looking up at him. "You thought I'd be safer."

He nods.

"The thing is, Jack, I feel safer with you than anywhere else." I tell him quietly.

He sniffs and I look up again – surprised to see that his eyes are watery. I hadn't meant to make him cry – but they're good tears. He's touched because I said I feel safe with him – and that's all he's ever wanted.

I smile at him and wipe away a tear that's escaped down his cheek. "Can I ask you something? There's probably a reason why you haven't told me – so if you'd rather not answer, that's ok."

"What is it?" He asks.

I consider the best way to approach my question. "You never told me what you had to do." I hesitate. "In Mexico."

I leave it there. No need to explain any further – he knows what I'm talking about.

He doesn't answer straight away, but that's fine – I'll wait as long as he needs. "It's not that I don't want to tell you..." He says eventually. "It's just that...I don't want you to think...badly of me." He whispers. "You see, if I'd have told you over the phone in Mexico, what they wanted me to do to get you back..." He stares at the ceiling, too nervous to look at me. "I can't help thinking that you would have told me not to do it...because...because that's the kind of person you are – selfless, caring. Good."

"You're a good man too, Jack."

"Nikki..." He murmurs, sounding like he's going to disagree with me.

"No. You are." I tell him firmly. "You're the best man I know and nothing is going to change that. Whatever you did – you only came out there because I asked you to. Mexico is a horrible place and lets not forget that we were both fighting for survival – the normal rules don't apply."

He nods, but seems unable to find the right words to explain what he did.

"Why don't you start at the beginning, sweetie?" I suggest gently. "I'm right here, ok? I'm not going anywhere – and nothing you say is going to change how much I think of you."

"I was so angry when you went missing – " He starts. "I yelled at Eva, Gustavo, Luisa's father, I snapped at Thomas and Clarissa over the phone...They just took it. And Gustavo – he said he was 'sorry'. Sorry for me. Sorry for you.-"

'She wanted to be a part of something – now she is'

"– that's what he said. " Jack remembers. "I just wanted to hit him."

"They rang me straight after the first time I spoke to you on the phone." He continues. "The cartel – at least, I thought it was them at the time. The first thing they said was.."

.'If you tell anyone, She'll die. If you discuss anything I tell you, you will never find her. We have people everywhere – we'll know.'

"I yelled at them – I asked them what they wanted. I asked them if it was money. They asked how much I could get. I gave them the first figure that popped into my head – because I had to start somewhere." He pauses. "They...they...asked me if that was how much you were worth to me!" He stammers indignantly.

I can just imagine his horror at being asked that. He doesn't tell me what the figure was and I don't ask – I'm pretty sure it's a detail he won't want to share with me.

"I said I could find more if they give you back. They said...they didn't want money - and then they said..."

'If you want to see her again, you'll do exactly what we tell you.'

"...and hung up." He continues with a sniff. "Without telling me what I had to do, and...well – I just panicked. I rang Gustavo – I was doing forensics on Eva's car while they were out looking for you. I told him I'd spoken to you and you were in a wooden box underground...then they found a wooden box underground, and I thought he'd found you – but it turned out to be a crates full of guns. And then I was kicking myself because they'd told be not to discuss it with anyone and I thought I'd blown it – I thought they were going to kill you" He sniffs again and I tighten my grip on him. I can tell he's getting emotional. "The cartel rang me back..."

'I told you – you won't find her.'

"...they said. I said if they let you go - we'd just go home, we wouldn't bother them any more. They..." He exhales. "They said I had access to the prisoner El Buitre. They said..."

'Get him out. Deliver him to us. Or she will die in there.'

"...I threw my phone at the wall." He admits. "Then I was worried in case I'd broken it and I wouldn't be able to ring you again."

"Hey, it's ok, Jack." I reassure him softly. "It's ok."

So he takes a deep breath and carries on. "Do you remember that phone call we had when you were talking about the bugs – and we got interrupted?"

"Yeah." I agree.

He sighs. "That was them calling to ask why I hadn't taken El Buitre his insulin – to be honest, I'd clean forgotten about that." He admits. "They said I must know that time was running out for you. I was panicking again – I thought you only had three hours left - and I didn't know what else to do. I...stole a gun from the compound – I was just going burst in there with it – demanding they let him go, but Gustavo caught me with it and stopped me. He said charging in there with a gun wouldn't get me anywhere – that there was a better way." He exhales again. "Gustavo stole an ambulance. I took El Buitre his insulin – overdosed him and rushed him out to the ambulance. They were terrified of him dying in their custody so they just let us drive off with him. I reversed the insulin and stabilised him in the ambulance. It was a risky plan – but we pulled it off. We drove him to the meeting point the cartel had given us. They were meant to be bringing you, but they didn't. Instead – they just shot El Buitre in front of us. He was a horrible man – he told me in the ambulance that he kill for anyone who paid him, but they shot him and drove off without giving you back."

I give his arm a gentle squeeze – sensing that he's becoming quite agitated and he calms downs slightly.

"Gustavo said that they'd killed him because their crimes died with him." Jack continues. "I'd realised by then that the cartel didn't know anything about you – that it wasn't them who took you, but I hadn't worked out who did. Gustavo and I walked back to the compound. I don't know how long it took. But when we got back, Ernesto and a few other people were safely returned. The cartel had left them by the side of the road after we handed over El Buitre.I still hoped that you were one of them at that point. I asked Eva where you were..."

'It won't be long now, Jack. I'm sure of it. Luisa too.'

"... She told me. I thought Eva was on our side until then, but I felt sick, so I went outside." He pauses. "Then I saw Eva come out and ask to borrow a car. I think I nodded at her or something, but she barely acknowledged me – and then I thought, she's just got Ernesto back – it must be something really pressing to make her leave the compound...So, I'm thinking, she made a point of telling me that I should do whatever the cartel asked of me – and that she would do anything to get Ernesto back."

"So, I'm stood there with it mulling over in my head..." Jack continues. "...They get El Buitre...I though...then Ernesto walks free. Ernesto walks free! - That's when I worked it out." He mutters. "I tested the water you were drinking in the car, before you went missing and it confirmed my fears.". "

"That I wasn't jet-lagged – Eva drugged me."

He nods. "I got a car and drove after her – I called her, begged her to tell me where she'd buried you, but she just kept saying that I didn't understand what it was like and that you'd be ok. And then they killed her. If only she's told me where you were – you see, I think she was on her way to get you out and the cartel killed her so that I'd never find you."

I sense that he's more or less told me everything he wants to say at this point. We don't need to discuss me sending him to the scrapyard yet – it's too raw for him at the moment – too painful. "Feel better?" I ask. "Now you've told me?"

"Yeah." He agrees. "I just didn't think you'd agree with me busting such a dangerous man out." He murmurs. "And then my decision to get him out led to him being killed-"

"Hey, you said yourself – he was a bad man. Just think how many people he won't kill now." I point out.

He looks slightly unconvinced by my reasoning. "Jack, there are no superheroes in real life." I tell him quietly. "There are only good people and bad people. He was a bad person – and you're a good one. And that's all that matters."