A/N: Sorry for the long wait. I developed an aversion to writing about 2/3rds of the way through this chapter and it was a while before I got back into it. Hopefully it's still enjoyable.
I want to explain that while some of you may feel that Zero is a little out of character but I don't feel he is. I've tried to develop a natural evolution of his behaviour over the course of "Slow Seduction" and this fic too.
Zero has always been wary of giving his emotions and feelings free reign. In "Slow Seduction" he was very aware that Kaname's touch could trigger all sorts of emotional and mental weakness. Zero's never really been against the idea of being on the bottom, but he originally equated being on the receiving end in a male x male relationship as giving up control and submitting to the other person, which is something he isn't willing to do. Over the course of this fic I've tried to show that he is slowly coming to realize that in actual fact, it's the bottom in the relationship that controls the mood and sets the pace. He's realizing that it's about trust not submission.
After his little talk with Aidou and the whole issue with Naoe, he realizes he's been sweating the small stuff and is only now coming to realize just what he has with Kaname. Hopefully this explanation will make the chapter more believable and thus enjoyable. I still have one or two more chapters to go before the end.
Warnings: Major miscommunication, angst, one-sided declaration of love, and lemon (sorry, no one tops in this chapter.) I'm working up to it.
Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Knight. I'm just playing with my plot bunnies.
By the Way, I changed the title to "Two Hearts Beat as One".
I tweaked a bit. Thanks to Yengirl for finding all the little pesky typos and for her feedback and comments to improve the readability. She asked for more lemon details for Kaname so I've added a little more. Hope you like it.
Chapter 10
When Kaname woke up, the gray light of dawn was seeping into the room, robbing everything of colour. His internal clock told him he'd been asleep for a few hours but it was much too early for him to be awake. By rights, he should have just gone to bed. He moved a little closer to Zero, seeking out the hunter's warmth, but his body met with cold sheets. Alarmed, Kaname stretched out his senses, relaxing somewhat when he realized the hunter was close by. Kaname listened carefully but couldn't hear any movement. He swung his legs off the bed and slipping on a hotel robe, padded silently into the living room area. Zero was sitting at the end of the couch, feet on the cushions, knees drawn up to his chest and his arms wrapped around his shins. He didn't look up at Kaname's approach and his shaggy bangs were obscuring his face. Kaname carefully sat down a foot or so away.
"Hey," he said softly.
The hunter didn't reply.
"How are you feeling?" the pureblood tried again.
Kaname reached out to hug Zero but pulled back at the last minute, thinking that maybe the hunter wouldn't want to be touched so soon after his ordeal. Hesitantly, Kaname allowed his fingertips to touch Zero's bare shoulder in the faintest of caresses. The hunter's skin was cold.
"Zero. You're freezing," Kaname exclaimed.
He stood up and shed the robe, draping it around Zero's shoulders and, since the hunter made no move to put the robe on, tucked it awkwardly around Zero's body.
"I'll go and make you some tea," he said, glancing at the still unresponsive hunter. Sweet tea was good for shock, right?
Kaname filled and turned on the kettle, then adjusted the heating thermostat. The pureblood had set it for his own preference when he arrived, but he would normally be sleeping now and he preferred it to be cooler when he slept. He wondered what temperature Zero liked when he slept. He'd never paid attention when they were in the hunter's room. Of course they'd never spent an entire night in each other's company, and they usually weren't sleeping when they were together.
While the water heated, he watched Zero carefully. His touchy-feely kitten was gone and in its place was a boy who was obviously hurting. Kaname was already missing the sweet, talkative Zero, even though he felt guilty at enjoying the hunter's unguarded behaviour. He knew Zero had only behaved that way because he'd been drugged, but Kaname chose to believe Zero had meant what he said. Zero could be so close-mouthed. It had been a relief to know his lover really did find him attractive and even, (Kaname could feel his face heating as he blushed) sexy.
The kettle clicked itself off, interrupting his thoughts. The pureblood made two mugs of tea, putting milk and extra sugar in Zero's, before sitting down and placing the mugs on the coffee table. The hunter still didn't acknowledge his presence. Kaname was sure that all sexual assault victims had to cope with some degree of mental trauma. He wasn't sure exactly what Zero was going through, but Kaname very much wanted to help the hunter heal, to take away his hurt. But he wasn't sure how to proceed. He settled for inching steadily closer, trying to offer comfort without intruding.
- 0 –
Zero sat unmoving. He had slept restlessly, dreaming of the evening repeatedly; each dream blending seamlessly into the next, becoming increasingly disturbing as the night wore on. In his dreams, he fought the noble, struggling uselessly against his bindings. He had dreamt of being touched against his will, of being undressed, being bitten and violated, the noble moving roughly inside him, even as the man pleaded with someone for forgiveness. Zero had woke up from that last dream, panicked. He was in a strange bed, in a strange room, and for a brief second he was afraid he was in the noble's bed. He had realized he was with Kaname almost immediately, but after that dream he was afraid to go back to sleep.
Zero had managed to slip from the bed to the bathroom without disturbing the pureblood. He rinsed his face, leaning over the sink and taking deep breaths as he waited for his galloping heart to slow down. It was when he was washing his hands that he saw the little glass bottle. Zero picked the vial up. It was nothing special, just an innocent looking little vial, the kind you might see in any clinic or hospital if you were being given a shot. But to Zero, it was a concrete reminder of everything that had happened. Reality hit him hard, crushing the relief he had felt at waking up beside Kaname.
In the bright lights of the second bathroom, Zero stripped off his pajamas and stood examining his body. Things were relatively clear up until the injection and he knew that had happened. He had the evidence in his hand. After that, everything was confused. He knew that some of what he had dreamt probably wasn't real. It was his mind's way of coping and working through what had happened in the noble's hotel room.
Zero had scrutinized every inch of his body, trying to determine what had been done to him. He thought he remembered blood on his face and hitting the noble with his head, but there was no sign of injury. There were no bite marks on his neck, and his wrists looked normal, the skin unbroken. With trepidation, Zero checked his hips and inner thighs, his skin was unmarked, pale and smooth. The inside of his body didn't feel any different, either. Surely he would feel something there wouldn't he, if that last dream had been real?
He had woken up in bed with Kaname, dressed in his own sleeping things, his skin clean and smelling of soap. Physically, he felt fine so it wasn't unreasonable to think the pureblood had helped him bathe, encouraged him to drink and maybe helped him to bed. He did remember feeling good pressed into the warmth of the pureblood, and he didn't think that was a dream. But any physical evidence of what had happened had disappeared when the pureblood's blood healed him.
Now Zero sat on the couch, his hand clenched tightly around the vial. He couldn't trust his memories, his dreams or his body. It sickened him to think he had passively allowed his violation, or worse, participated. His mind continuously played a slideshow of sounds and images; the noble eyeing him, his own mouth on warm skin, the sound of his own laughter, hands gliding over his naked body, a voice murmuring his name.
Zero prayed the feel of his lips on another's flesh was either just a dream or something that had happened once he was back here with Kaname, and not with the noble. He didn't remember how he got back. Did he somehow make it back here under his own steam, or did Kaname find him and bring him back, already marked by another man's possession? Zero wasn't sure if he had the courage to come right out and ask. He would never willingly betray the pureblood, but in all likelihood, he had been with someone else. He was soiled now.
- 0 -
Kaname knew Zero was struggling, and he ached to hold and comfort his lover. Talking about this was going to painful, for both of them. But it was better to get this out in the open. Acting on instinct, he reached over, gently stroking the back of a clenched fist. Let me in, Zero, he pleaded silently, don't shut me out.
The fragrant scent of milky, sweet tea and Kaname's careful touches, brought him back to his current surroundings. Zero realized Kaname was sitting closely beside him, sipping tea and offering support with his presence. His own mug sat untouched on the table in front of him. At the moment, Kaname was here with him, his small gesture with the robe, and his gentle touch showing he cared. Part of Zero wanted to confess his lapse of memory and his fears and find comfort in Kaname's arms, but he wasn't ready to recognize and deal with the pureblood's sadness on top of his own humiliation and hurt. He needed a little time to come to terms with his own feelings before he could comfort his lover. It had taken a long time for Zero to recognize and admit his feelings for the pureblood, even to himself. He'd been hesitant to share those feelings with Kaname, and now everything was so screwed up. He couldn't seem to catch a break and he was dragging the person he loved down with him. What did he have to offer Kaname anyway? Maybe he should just try to end it.
Kaname shifted closer, slipping his other arm around Zero's shoulder. The hunter looked so lost.
"We'll get through this, Zero," he said softly, watching the hunter carefully.
He didn't want Zero to lash out at him for saying "we". After all, he hadn't been assaulted. But he wanted the hunter to know he wasn't alone.
Zero looked up, unable to turn away from the rich brown depths of the pureblood's gentle eyes. His thoughts were chaotic. He knew Kaname was reaching out to him and he had a decision to make, one that would irrevocably change him and the outcome of his life. He wrestled with the alternatives. It would be so easy to slip into old familiar patterns of behaviour. He didn't have to be dependent on anyone but himself anyway. He could deal with this on his own; bury the memories of this night so deep they would never surface again. He'd have to lock down and repress all of his emotions, but it was doable, he'd done it before.
But that would mean he couldn't be with Kaname any more. He couldn't live as an automaton, not if he wanted to be with the pureblood. The choices sucked. Zero felt like screaming or crying with frustration. He didn't want to give up what he had with Kaname; didn't want to give up their future together. He hadn't allowed himself to consciously think about a future, until now when he was losing it. Zero remembered the couple in the bookstore, and their intimacy. He had wanted that. Still wanted it, but he didn't know how to achieve it, or if it was even possible now.
If he didn't want to give up loving Kaname, he had to acknowledge his rape and so did Kaname. The pureblood's careful gestures, his expressive eyes, showed he knew something had happened. Yet he was still here. He had woken up from his sleep and come out here and made tea. That showed he cared, that the pureblood wasn't going to dump him, right? Maybe it would never be the same again, but it was still better than his previous life of constant self-directed anger and loathing. All he had to do was let Kaname know, somehow, that he was willing to accept some comfort and help. How frigging hard could that be? It was time to end this pity party. Jeez, it wasn't like he had to appear on Oprah or something.
The seconds ticked away and still Zero said nothing. The brunette was still watching him, waiting patiently, his thumb rubbing soothing circles over the hunter's knuckles. Zero took a mental deep breath and took the first, painful step. He uncurled a little and opened his hand, exposing the contents. Kaname slowly took the bottle, standing it on the table. He stroked the hunter's hand, holding it to his lips and placed a soft kiss on the inside of Zero's palm.
"I'm here for you, Zero. Talk to me," he encouraged. "How are you feeling?"
"I feel fine," Zero said, his voice anguished. "My body's already healed."
"That's good. Right?"
Kaname maintained his encouraging expression, but he was concerned at Zero's tone.
"I don't know," Zero whispered. "I can't remember. I don't know what he did. What I did," he said softly, hanging his head and pulling away to wrap his arms tightly around his legs.
Kaname stared at him in confusion. When he finally understood, he could have kicked himself. He was such an idiot. The drug was a sedative. Obviously, Zero wouldn't remember everything and Kaname had left him to puzzle it out for himself, thinking the worst. He could start to fix that right now.
"He didn't rape you, Zero," he stated firmly.
"I don't hurt inside. I can't find any marks. I tried," Zero continued.
"I don't know what really happened and what's just part of my nightmares," he whispered dully.
"Zero. He didn't rape you," Kaname repeated, raising his voice a little, trying to get through to his lover.
"What?"
Zero turned his head, looking directly at Kaname for the first time.
"You stopped him."
Kaname waited, watching hope replace despair in the hunter's eyes. In the dawn light, they were a beautiful, clear silver.
"How? How could I stop him? He had me tied up and he drugged me." Zero said, pointing to the vial on the table.
"How could I stop him?" he asked again guardedly. He wanted to believe. He knew Kaname wouldn't lie to him, but it seemed so improbable.
Zero watched the pureblood's face carefully as Kaname described leaving the meeting early, coming back and finding him gone, following the drops of blood.
"My head was bleeding," Zero interrupted. "I remember that."
Kaname nodded, touching Zero's left temple tenderly. He explained about seeing the noble bleeding and cursing as he staggered to the ice machine.
"Yeah. I hit him with my head," Zero confirmed.
"You were close enough for me to use our bond to find you and I slipped into the room while he was still out," Kaname explained.
"You were on the bed, your mouth was taped."
Kaname paused and looked away briefly. When he had collected himself, he continued.
"Only your shirt was removed. You were drugged and you were sick. I was concerned for your well being and very, very angry," Kaname added honestly.
He had been more than just angry, he had been frightened for Zero as well. For what the hunter might have already had to endure, and sick to his stomach too. But he didn't think Zero needed to hear about his fears, which after all, had turned out to be groundless. He had gotten there in time. Zero's own resourcefulness and strength had saved him from the worst ordeal.
Zero waited silently. He was relieved beyond measure. What he did remember matched Kaname's version of events, but he sensed the pureblood had something else to tell him, and that Kaname was worried about his reaction.
"What happened then, Kaname?" he asked carefully.
The pureblood gave him a slightly nervous look.
Zero moved a little closer. "Did you get hurt?" he asked concerned, stroking Kaname's cheek.
"No," Kaname managed, after a minute.
He was remembering the anger and fear and the satisfaction he had felt dispatching the worthless noble.
"No."
Shaking his head, Kaname dropped his eyes to the hunter's hand, which he was still holding. He entwined their fingers, unable to give up skin-to-skin contact with the hunter. He loved him so much.
Zero had been through a harrowing ordeal at the hands of the other vampire, but he was worried for Kaname's safety. It was so like him to be concerned for others, even so soon after his own assault. But the hunter's concern was making it difficult for Kaname. The pureblood was a mess at the moment, his emotions distorted and magnified. It was taking a while to recover from using so much of his power and he knew he didn't have enough mental reserves. He was scared Zero would be upset or disappointed with him and if that were the case, Kaname wouldn't be able to conceal his hurt. He was giving Zero the ability to emotionally wound him. It should have been against every instinct he possessed, but he needed to tell the hunter. The pureblood took a deep breath and confessed.
"He's dead, Zero. I killed him."
Zero said nothing.
"Are you angry with me?" Kaname asked, his voice carefully neutral.
Zero looked at him and once again, the hunter's beautiful eyes enthralled him. He scoured the hunter's face for clues, waiting anxiously as Zero examined and analyzed his reaction to the pureblood's news.
"No," Zero answered, shaking his head. He paused, thinking his answer through, before continuing quietly.
"I understand it's a vampire thing, I know that you felt you had to do that. I shouldn't be feeling good about it, … but I am. What he was going to do to me would have hurt me in here and here," Zero explained hesitantly, lightly touching his head and his chest with his free hand.
"And it would have hurt you, … hurt us, … being together, I mean. I'm angry at him and I'm glad he's dead. I think he'd done it before, maybe to humans, so it's good you stopped him. Isn't it?" Zero asked.
The pureblood released the breath he'd been unconsciously holding.
"Yes, Zero," he confirmed calmly.
He was close to feeling giddy with relief. He didn't regret what he'd done, but the hunter's reaction was important to him.
Kaname thought back to the phone call he'd received a few hours earlier. Seiren had called shortly after they'd gone to bed and Kaname had managed to answer on the first ring, before the call could disturb Zero. Seiren confirmed she had taken care of the hotel room and paid the noble's bill, taking steps to ensure no one working at the hotel would remember anything specific about Naoe Satou. She'd gone on to report her findings.
The noble was the youngest son in a large family. His tastes were well known in his own family, especially after a young noble of a less influential family had been assaulted and traumatized. His parents had gone to great lengths to make amends and distance themselves from their son. There were rumors that the noble had continued his activities with young humans, but nothing had been confirmed.
It was better that the noble was dead, Kaname thought, moving to hug the hunter with both arms. He had intended to hold Zero gently, but to his horror, he found he was trembling slightly. He hugged Zero tightly instead, so the hunter wouldn't notice.
"Ah, Kaname. You're crushing me," Zero said, embarrassed.
"Oh, sorry," Kaname sniffed, smiling a little as he loosened his hold and nuzzled into Zero's neck instead.
Petting the pureblood's hair awkwardly, Zero asked, "How did we get back here?"
"I carried you," Kaname murmured against Zero's throat.
Zero's hand stopped, and the hunter stiffened as if to move away, but the brunette wasn't ready to give up the contact just yet.
"I also undressed you and bathed you, and put you to bed," he teased softly, leaning into the hunter's body.
There was a long silence.
"Did I drink from you too?" Zero asked quietly. He was remembering his mouth on soft skin.
"Yes," Kaname replied, wriggling a little closer.
"Oh."
This was followed by another long pause.
"Did I do anything or, ah, say anything weird?" Zero asked cautiously.
Kaname smiled. "No."
He felt Zero relax slightly and the hair petting resumed. Kaname enjoyed it a moment before continuing, "But you were a little more free with your opinions. You did tell me that you liked chocolate, and that you think I'm sexy. You seem to be particularly fond of my hair," he added.
Zero's body tensed. Kaname reached up and caught the hand hovering indecisively over his hair.
"It wasn't true? You don't like chocolate?" he teased, pulling Zero's hand against his cheek and stroking his face against the hunter's palm.
Zero didn't answer, but Kaname could hear the hunter's accelerated heartbeat.
"I find you very sexy," Kaname whispered.
Zero sucked in a breath but didn't respond verbally. His body didn't relax either.
Kaname blinked several times, brushing his long eyelashes against Zero's throat in a series of butterfly kisses. It was a pleasant sensation, and hopefully a distracting one.
"That … that tickles," Zero complained, a little breathlessly.
Kaname noted that he wasn't pulling away anymore. In fact, the skin against his face was warm. Kaname pulled back to check Zero's reaction. The hunter was looking at him, a slight flush across his cheeks and nose.
"I … I'm cold. Can we go back to bed?" he asked, embarrassed.
"Of course, Zero" Kaname agreed, standing and pulling the hunter to his feet, allowing the robe to slip discarded onto the couch.
He led the way into the bedroom, releasing Zero's hand to climb into the bed, settling himself on his back to watch the hunter as he got into bed. Zero wriggled around a little, sighing and trying to get comfortable. Normally, he only fell asleep with Kaname after sex, if at all, and this felt awkward. He sighed involuntarily.
"Can I hold you, Zero?" Kaname asked quietly.
"Okay," Zero agreed.
They moved closer, trying to avoid each other's knees and elbows as each slipped an arm around the other's waist.
"Goodnight Zero," the brunette said tenderly, as he leaned forward and kissed the hunter gently on the lips.
Zero kissed him back. "Goodnight, Kaname."
The brunette closed his eyes. He was tired. He had worked hard the over last few days, and last night had been extremely stressful. He was also feeling the effects of using so much of his energy. A few hours sleep had helped, but it wasn't enough. Still, everything was right in his world. Zero was safe, and he wasn't disgusted with him. Kaname smiled softly as he allowed sleep to claim him.
Zero lay awake, tired, but mentally much too wound up to sleep. He hadn't been violated. Kaname had found him and stopped things before that could happen. He still had a chance to give himself to Kaname and to let it be something special for the pureblood, and for him too. His heart swelled with emotion for the vampire sleeping so trustingly beside him.
Without conscious thought, Zero let his hand slip under the hem of Kaname's pajama top, tracing circles and whorls across the smooth back. It was soothing to feel his lover's warm skin sliding under his fingertips; to hear his slow, steady heartbeat and even breathing as Kaname slipped into a restful sleep. The pureblood's body felt so nice. Zero's fingers followed the contours of Kaname's back. He hesitated at the waistband of the pureblood's pajama pants, he didn't want to disturb him, but the waist was loose so he allowed his fingers to dip inside, palming the warm flesh under his hand.
Zero had been afraid he would never feel anything again, but as his palm caressed the pureblood's curved rear, he could feel desire awakening. He had been worried the experience with the noble would have destroyed his ability to enjoy sex, so his mental and physical response was a relief, but he could tell the pureblood was already asleep. He didn't want to take liberties, but Kaname wouldn't mind if he continued to just … touch him, Zero reasoned.
He allowed his fingertips to trail down the cleft of the pureblood's buttocks. Kaname sighed contentedly in his sleep, moving into a more accommodating position, his thighs a little further apart, the better to grant Zero's fingers access. Zero took that as a sign of encouragement, glad the pureblood's pajamas were loose fitting. He continued to explore the soft skin under his hand.
The brunette was now laying half on his side and half on his stomach, and the hunter stroked the inside of one leg, up to the junction of thigh and buttock. He touched the warm, slightly damp skin between the pureblood's legs, exploring the soft skin between Kaname's entrance and his velvety sac. The pureblood made a sexy noise, more breath than sound, and obligingly shifted his leg higher.
The hunter's gentle explorations wove into Kaname's pleasant dreams and he awoke slowly, gradually becoming aware of his erection pushing against the bed and the soft, teasing touches against the most sensitive parts of his anatomy. He lay quietly, enjoying the erotic sensations, carefully regulating his breathing, making sure there was no change in the deep, even breaths he would be taking if he was still sleeping. He was afraid Zero would stop if he knew he was awake. He could tell by the accelerated rhythm of the hunter's heartbeat and his breathy little exhales that the hunter was aroused too.
The pureblood was delighted. This was far more than he had hoped for so soon after the attempted rape. The gentle little touches felt so good, so delicious. Kaname held very still, willing his partner's fingers to trail just a little higher. If he squirmed just a little, the hunter's fingers would be ghosting over his entrance. But moving might let the hunter know he was awake. Kaname bit his lip, forcing himself not to move. Even so, Zero's hand stilled and the hunter made a frustrated little sound, gently withdrawing his hand, cupping and sliding it fondly over the pajama-clad rear, before he moved away. Kaname was more than disappointed.
If he didn't keep his hands off Kaname he was never going to be able to sleep, Zero reasoned. Touching the pureblood was only pushing the level of desire higher, making it harder to stop without doing something more to Kaname. Caresses were okay, but it wasn't right to be molesting him while he slept. Zero sighed and rolled onto his back, futilely trying to will the tingling in his loins and the physical evidence of his need to disappear. Just how heavy a sleeper was the pureblood? Was all this rolling around and sighing going to wake him up? He was pretty uncomfortable; maybe if he adjusted himself a little, he could stay still. Zero carefully moved his right hand onto his lower stomach, allowing himself only the lightest of touches, he definitely wasn't going to do anything. Not with the pureblood sleeping right next to him.
"I can help you with that," Kaname said quietly.
Zero jumped, startled. "You're awake," he accused, indignantly.
"Uh huh."
"How long have you been awake," Zero asked, embarrassed.
"Long enough to be seriously aroused, and know you're the same way," Kaname answered, unrepentant.
The pureblood could sense the hunter mentally withdrawing. He moved closer and allowed his erection to gently brush against the hunter's thigh.
"I shouldn't have touched you while you were sleeping and vulnerable," Zero apologized.
He was seriously embarrassed, guilty, and unsettled at being almost caught with his hand in his pants, but he felt he owed Kaname an explanation.
"It's just … I didn't want anyone else to touch me, just you," he began.
"I was a bit stressed about this weekend, about … you know. But it would be okay because it was with you. And then it was almost spoiled, but I'm okay, and you felt good to touch, and I was glad it wasn't ruined…" he babbled, picking up speed as he tried to explain.
His words stopped abruptly as Kaname covered his mouth with a kiss. Zero hesitated briefly but he could feel the pureblood's arousal pressing into his thigh. He let himself respond, returning the kiss.
The pureblood sat up, sliding his arms around the hunter and pulling him to his chest, stroking the hunter's silver hair gently. For the record, Zero made a token show of protest at being cuddled, but he did allow it. Zero had been so flustered he didn't seem to realize he'd suggested the pureblood was vulnerable when asleep. That wasn't strictly true. Even in the deepest of sleep, the pureblood's senses worked to monitor his environment for potential threats. However the use of that particular word was telling. Perhaps Zero was still feeling vulnerable himself. Kaname continued to card his fingers through Zero's hair. He knew the hunter loved having his hair touched, though he had never come right out and admit it.
Zero felt safe and comfortable wrapped in the pureblood's arms, his ear pressed against Kaname's chest, listening to the soothing rumble of the pureblood's voice as he began to speak.
"I love your touches, Zero. I love the way you make me feel, I don't ever want you to stop," Kaname explained.
"We're lovers, so we can touch and kiss each other whenever we want to. If it's not a good time, I'll let you know, just as you'd do for me. Right, Zero?"
The pureblood paused to gauge Zero's reaction. His young lover was nodding slowly, but Kaname had a feeling he wasn't really getting through. How could he make the hunter really understand? It occurred to him that perhaps they had different ideas about their relationship, neither one of them had actual told the other how they felt. Just tonight, assumptions and a lack of communication had caused unnecessary pain and anguish for Zero. They really needed to start to communicate properly and now was a good time to start.
"Zero, what does "being lovers" means to you?" Kaname asked.
"Being lovers means being together, sleeping together," Zero answered matter-of-factly, tilting his head to look up at the pureblood as if he were somewhat mentally challenged.
No, they weren't talking about the same thing at all, Kaname thought, shaking his head.
"Maybe. To some people, it could mean a purely physical relationship," he agreed.
"But what we have is much more than that to me. Zero, you're not just my physical lover. You're my boyfriend."
The hunter's eyes widened and Kaname could tell by his startled reaction that Zero finally understood. It seemed that to Zero, the concept of boyfriend meant emotional affection and commitment, whereas lover was more physical, more a circumstance of convenience than a sought-out relationship. Zero readily accepted they were "lovers", but he'd had to use the word "boyfriend" to let the hunter know how he really felt. If only Kaname had figured this out sooner. He needed to make it completely clear to the hunter how he felt about him.
"I've never told you this before, but I thought you knew. Now I realize you might not know that I love you; unconditionally and totally. I love you, Zero," Kaname repeated for good measure.
Before Zero could respond, Kaname placed his palm gently over the hunter's lips.
"You don't have to say anything right now. I don't want you to say you love me because you feel you have to. I'd rather you didn't say anything if you don't feel the same way, Zero. It's enough that you know how I feel about you, and that you accept my feelings," the pureblood advised, smiling.
He didn't want to hear the hunter parrot the words back to him. If Zero didn't feel the same way, then he didn't want to be told so right after baring his soul, and if he did feel the same, then he could say so another time, spontaneously, and not in automatic response to his declaration of love, Kaname thought firmly. He thought from the ways his lover's eyes, no, boyfriend's eyes, he corrected himself, were shining, that maybe he would be hearing those words soon. Perhaps even this weekend, if he were lucky. And if Zero said those words without being prompted, Kaname could believe they were true.
"Now. Do you want some help with that?" he asked, moving his palm from Zero's lips to the still prominent bulge in the front of the hunter's sleeping pants and squeezing gently.
"Agh. Okay. Okay. Jeez, Kaname, obsess much?" Zero mock grumbled.
The hunter's heart was beating wildly. He was shocked to discover that Kaname thought of him as so much more than his physical lover. Of course they were lovers, Kaname had imprinted on him sexually the first time Zero had pierced his neck and taken his blood. Their bond practically demanded a physical relationship.
Sure he knew the pureblood liked him, was fond of him even. But Kaname thought of him as his boyfriend. Though the term was a little uncomfortable since they were both guys, it was the sentiment that was important. A boyfriend was someone you chose to be with because you were attracted to them and chose to be with them. Someone you fell in love with. They felt the same way about each other. They loved each other! How freaking great was that! Zero felt so good, he could barely stay still. For the first time, he actually wanted to tell the pureblood that he loved him, but if he did say it now, Kaname might think he was just saying it back because he thought he should. This time, he wasn't just deluding himself; it really was better to wait for the right moment.
Zero would definitely tell him, but it was getting harder to think. The pureblood was kissing him and Kaname's mouth was a warm, wet oasis of pleasure. Zero could feel moisture cooling against his skin as Kaname nipped at the hollow of his throat, trailing kisses over the sensitive areas of his neck, along his jaw and behind his ear. Zero turned his head, meeting Kaname's lips and opening his mouth, encouraging Kaname to taste him.
Kaname accepted the invitation, twining his tongue around Zero's as he slipped his hand into Zero's pants, wrapping his fingers around the hunter's erection and stroking him firmly. The hunter's body was sagging in his arms. Zero seemed unable or unwilling to stay upright.
Kaname moved closer, laying Zero down and removing his pants. They watched each other as the pureblood slid a palm over the hunter's erect nipples as he removed his tank top. Kaname slowed the rhythm of his hand. He wanted to take the time to explore, to show the hunter how much he was loved. He teased Zero, sucking the hunter's earlobe into his mouth, swiping his tongue across the curved muscle of an upper arm, the sensitive skin of an inner elbow, cataloguing the hunter's reactions. Zero was breathless, his eyes shut tight, making soft noises of pleasure as his hips rocked against Kaname's fist.
The pureblood continued to tease, nipping and licking first one, then the other stiff nipple, pleased as the hunter arched his back and cried out more forcefully. He worked his way lower, kissing the fluttering stomach muscles, nibbling at Zero's belly button, scraping his teeth on a hipbone, before moving to kiss the hunter's knee and work his mouth along the inside of a lean, trembling thigh.
The hunter's body writhed and twisted against his mouth and hands. Zero was always responsive, but something was different. Kaname analyzed the hunter's reactions, even as he brought Zero to greater heights of pleasure. Zero moaned his name, and suddenly he knew. This time, Zero wasn't fighting himself. He wasn't holding back, not even a little. He had never been this willing to let Kaname see or hear his pleasure. The hunter was relaxed, allowing his mind and body to react without censuring his responses. Finally, he was trusting Kaname.
"Can I touch you a little, Zero?" Kaname asked breathlessly. He brushed the pad of one finger across Zero's entrance as he spoke, making sure there would be no misunderstanding.
"Ugh," Zero responded incoherently, arching his hips up and moving his legs a little further apart.
The way Kaname was touching him, showing him how he felt; it was so good. Zero's body was melting, his muscles useless. He was incapable of moving, of thinking. They weren't just having sex; they really were making love. He had almost lost this chance with Kaname, but he'd been given a second opportunity. He could wear his usual face, refusing to acknowledge his feelings, but he didn't want to. He had chosen the more difficult path, but he was committed. Kaname was loving him, and Zero wanted to let him.
He managed to sit up a little, resting his weight on his elbows, and watched relaxed and almost smiling, as the pureblood reached over and removed the tube of gel from the nightstand, applying a little to his fingers.
"Try to stay relaxed, Zero. I know what I'm doing, and I promise I'll be careful. You just have to say so and I'll stop."
"You know what you're doing?" Zero teased gently, raising an eyebrow skeptically. It was amusing that the pureblood couldn't admit he was unfamiliar with anything, even this. Kaname's answering blush surprised him.
Kaname hesitated, he didn't want Zero to think he might accidentally hurt him, but it was a little embarrassing to explain.
"I … ah… practiced a little," Kaname informed him.
At Zero's sudden look of confusion, he added "On myself. Not with anyone else, I would never do anything with anyone else," he finished, lowering his eyes.
"I think I'd like to see that," Zero murmured, his voice husky.
The image of the pureblood touching himself like that, maybe thinking it was his hand, his fingers, made Zero's groin tingle and his hard length throb with need.
The pureblood's head shot up, but Zero wasn't teasing him. He was looking at Kaname as if he'd like to eat him for breakfast. Kaname cursed his honesty. He hoped the hunter would forget what he'd just let slip. He was embarrassed. He would never volunteer, but if Zero asked him to do something like that, he knew he would. Such was the level of power the hunter had over him.
"Go ahead, Kaname. I trust you," Zero said, laying back down as he placed a foot flat on the bed, bending his knee.
It took a second for Kaname to understand and he had to review the earlier part of their conversation first. He would be very careful. Somehow, their relationship had changed. Whether it was because he'd confessed his feelings or because Zero had narrowly avoided a brutal rape, he didn't know. He only knew the hunter had never shown him this level of intimacy, of trust before, and he liked Zero's open, unguarded responses. He moved a little closer, hoping this would go well.
Kaname touched him, swirling the gel around sensitive skin before carefully pushing in. His other hand was steadily stroking his erection and Zero found both sensations felt good, but together it was almost more than he could deal with. The pureblood was watching his face, a slight frown of concentration, wrinkling his eyebrows as he continued to move his finger deeper. Kaname removed his finger but before Zero could protest, he inserted it again smoothly, in one long push.
"Agh!" Zero groaned.
"You like it?" Kaname asked, continuing to move his finger in and out, timing his movements with the slow rhythm of his other hand.
Zero hadn't been sure he would like it, but damn it felt good. He'd had no idea he could be so sensitive. How could he have been so uptight about this? He didn't feel like he was submitting. The pureblood was doing this to make Zero feel good, not because he was trying to dominate him. Kaname was totally focused on him, using the subtle cues and feedback from Zero's body to make it feel even better. It was kind of lame to be thinking like this, but he liked having Kaname so completely fixated on his body, his needs. It made Zero feel as if, right now, nothing else mattered to the pureblood.
"Is it always this good?" Zero managed to ask, raising his head.
Kaname smiled, "No. Sometimes it's even better."
"Oh. Oh, damn!" Zero cried.
The pureblood had just done something. Something that felt deeper, making him feel fuller, closer to the edge.
"That's two fingers, Zero," Kaname informed him, watching Zero closely, as he continued to move his fingers rhythmically.
Zero's world narrowed down to this bed and the amazing, beautiful person who was making him feel like this. What he was feeling was indescribable, but the tightening sensation in his lower stomach meant he was drawing closer and closer to the end.
"Are you gonna to do it? You'd better do it soon, 'cause I'm not gonna last," Zero panted.
"No. Not this time. I just want to touch you, and get to know how you like to be touched here. It will be better if you already know you like the feeling." Kaname replied, pushing his fingers in deeper for emphasis. "We have all weekend," he teased.
Zero tried to respond, to argue, but the pureblood was merciless. He fell back onto the pillow, catching his lip between his teeth, trying to stifle his gasps and moans, as Kaname continued to pleasure him. He wanted to hold out longer but the pureblood's dark eyes watched him, noticing every reaction, using the knowledge to work with his traitorous body, driving him relentlessly towards his climax.
The pureblood watched Zero, moving his fingers steadily as the hunter undulated his hips up against the hand stroking his length and down onto the fingers of his other hand. Zero's pace increased slightly and Kaname matched it. When he was approaching his orgasm, the hunter had a habit of taking a breath and holding it as long as he could before exhaling quickly and sucking in another breath, almost as if he didn't want to be distracted with something as unimportant as the need for air when he was so close to completion. He was doing this now and Kaname recognized that Zero was nearing his climax. Kaname sped up, curling his fingers, searching for the hunter's prostate.
He wasn't sure if he found it, but Zero cried out and muscles clenched around Kaname's fingers, even as hot liquid coated his other hand. Kaname slowed down but continued his movements, as Zero rode out his perfect storm. Their bond transmitted some of what Zero was feeling and Kaname felt his own desire increase as a faint echo of the hunter's intense orgasm washed over his senses.
"Please, Kaname, no more," Zero groaned weakly. The hunter's breath hitched and his muscles trembled as Kaname lay beside him, stroking the damp, spiky clumps of hair away from Zero's forehead.
"Ugh, I need to clean up," Zero muttered after a few minutes.
"I'll get it," Kaname offered as he slipped off the bed and into the bathroom.
He returned with a warm damp washcloth and a towel. As he climbed back onto the bed, it was clear to Zero that the pureblood was still in a highly aroused state. His pajama pants did nothing to hide his erection and the small damp spot was visible, even on the dark fabric.
Zero sat up and cleaned himself quickly. He grasped the pureblood's pants and slid them over his hips and down his thighs, holding the brunette's gaze, daring him to say anything as he moved to kneel between Kaname's knees.
Kaname gave a little sigh of pleasure as Zero slid closer, using his knees to push the pureblood's thighs further apart. The hunter's head was bent, silver hair obscuring his eyes and making feathery trails over Kaname's groin as Zero lowered his head and swallowed the glistening crown of the pureblood's erection. Kaname sighed in relief and pleasure. The hunter worked his way up and down the shaft, going deeper with each stroke. Soon, Zero was able to take almost all of the pureblood's length into his mouth. He pinned Kaname's hips with his forearm and the pureblood groaned in anticipation. He loved to feel the weight of Zero's body pressing him down and he thought he knew what was coming next.
Zero took him as deeply as he could, sucking hard, swirling his tongue around the sensitive head with each upward stroke. In just a few strokes, Kaname's body was hovering on the edge of the precipice but Zero shifted his arm, using his hand to grip the base of Kaname's erection firmly, refusing the pureblood the release he so desperately sought. Zero continued to use his mouth with ruthless efficiency until Kaname was reduced to senseless moans and pleas. Kaname knew he was almost begging but he didn't care. His body was shaking now, the muscles of his back in spasms as he arched and writhed. He clenched his hands, hissing sharply as the tips of his talons pierced the skin of his palms and drew blood. Zero reached up, sliding his hand under the pureblood's pajama shirt, rubbing and rolling the stiff nipples. He repeatedly slid his mouth down Kaname's shaft from tip to base and back and when he was sure Kaname was almost out of his mind, he pinched one sensitive little peak between his short fingers nails and released his hold on the pureblood's erection. It was like being struck by lightening. The intense spike of pleasure shot through Kaname and he shrieked, trying to buck his hips as he climaxed. Zero devoured him, swallowing what he could.
Zero leaned back, watching as Kaname slowly became aware of his surroundings. He handed him the washcloth and when the pureblood was finished, took it back to the bathroom, tossing it into the tub before brushing his teeth. He didn't mind doing that for Kaname; he knew how good it felt when Kaname used his mouth on him. It was only fair that he do it back. Besides, Zero got a charge out of knowing that he could make the pureblood's body respond so intensely. But he wasn't going to bed until he'd brushed his teeth.
When Zero returned, the pureblood was valiantly trying to stay awake. Rather than going through the bother of putting on his pants, he'd tossed off the pajama top. Zero didn't bother putting on his sleeping pants either. He got into bed, wrapping himself possessively around the pureblood. Kaname mumbled something as he snuggled closer. Zero kissed a bare shoulder.
"Shh. Go to sleep, Kaname," he grumbled affectionately.
Within minutes they were both asleep. Two bodies fitting together comfortably, two sets of lungs breathing slow and even, and two hearts beating as one.
End chapter