Disclaimer: Don't own any characters, but if I did it I would be in a Jasper and Emmett sandwich right now.

A/N: This is JPOV, but it's Bella's story and it's in depth. Next chapter their will be a small piece I left out, but this is most of it.

I was fortunate to grow up with loving parents and family. I've never had to deal with any drug problems, so I hope I got everything okay.

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Jasper

She didn't say it back. It was too soon. I was so fucking stupid. Those three sentences repeated over and over in my head.

When I'd come out on the balcony Saturday night to people yelling surprise at me and my family I'd been happy and then I saw her and I'd been ecstatic. And believe me at that point I had no intention of telling her how I felt, but after dancing and Carlisle making those toast it just seemed like that right time and I couldn't wait any longer.

As soon as I had said it she'd got this look in her eyes and asked me to take her home. In that moment I knew that I had screwed up what we had and she was freaked out.

Fortunately it was the end of the night and I didn't need to come up with something other than she was tired. The entire ride was silent. I didn't know what to say to fix us and at that point I didn't even know if it was possible.

Arriving at her apartment she raced out of the car and into her building. Maybe I should have gone after her and done something, said something, but I didn't and I went home miserable and alone.

I'd spent Sunday, Monday and Tuesday trying to talk to her, but all phone calls went unanswered. I even got Rose and Alice to call her, but like with me she didn't pick up the phone. They of course jumped me wanting to know what the hell I did. I'd told them, but didn't know what to do for me.

I was excited for Wednesday because I thought well she'd be at dinner that night. Ha, I was a fool to even think it. Carlisle and Esme were worried about her and I knew if it continued someone would go to her house, but we didn't need to. She called about halfway through dinner.

Esme answered the phone and when I heard it was her I knocked me and Alice, who was seated beside me, to the floor trying to get to the phone. Edward told me to calm the fuck down, and then was reprimanded by Esme as she came back into the dining room. The look she passed Carlisle as she sat down did not go unnoticed by me and I knew they were keeping something from me. Needless to say I lost my appetite and went home soon there after.

By Friday I was ready for the week to be over and to mope in my house alone all weekend. But as I was leaving the office Friday night, my prayers were answered when my phone rang.

Seeing her smiling face on my phone I sent up a silent thank you to God and answered. She sounded as lost as I felt and I instantly felt horrible. Inviting me over the next night I'd asked what I could bring. She'd told me just me that she needed to talk to me. I literally thought my world was going to crash around me once again.

So here I was, a week after telling my girlfriend I loved her for the first time pulling up to her apartment and praying to God that she wasn't going to tell me it was over.

I slowly made my way up the stairs and stood for 10 minutes outside her door before I finally knocked.

She opened the door and I could tell she'd already been crying. Nope this was not going to be good.

"Hi," I managed to get out.

She gave me a weak smile and opened the door more so I could enter.

I had to restrain myself from reaching out and pulling her to me, but I had to let her do this her way, so I just made my way to her couch and waited for the worst.

She sat on the coffee table in front of me and looked in my eyes. We sat staring at each other for who knows how long before I couldn't stand the silence any longer.

"Marie, I…" I started to say, but she stopped me with a shake of her head.

She took a deep breath and then started to speak. "Jasper, you told me you loved me and I should have said it back because I love you too, but I got scared. Things have happened in my life that you need to know about. Things I should have told you from the beginning. And if you don't feel the same way when I'm done telling you these things I'll understand."

I opened my mouth, but closed it as she shook her head at me once again.

"No, please don't interrupt I won't get it out otherwise."

I nodded.

She took another deep breath and the tears started, with head down she told me her story.

"My parents always fought. From the time I could remember they were always calling each other names and hitting each other. They never hit me, but I didn't escape the yelling. On a daily basis I was told that I was stupid or useless, that I would never amount to anything. I never once heard an I love you, directed at me." She paused and I wanted so bad to reach for her, but then she started again.

"The night my parents died it was the day before my 17th birthday. I'd been out with a friend and came home late. I knew the entire drive that I was going to be in trouble, because I was past my curfew. I only hoped that they still stuck with hitting each other and not me. When I got home the lights were off, but both cars were there and I breathed a sigh of relief thinking they'd just passed out and would never know I'd been late.

"The next morning I woke up to a ringing phone. I tried to ignore it, but as soon as it stopped it would start again. After the fourth time I finally dragged myself downstairs and answered. It was my dad's boss and he was pissed. My dad was late again and he said if my dad didn't make it in within the hour he was going to be fired. I knew that it would cause me to get screamed at to wake him up, but we needed his paycheck. When I opened the door to their bedroom I didn't think anything was out of place at first, but after calling his name a few times with no answer I moved over to the foot of the bed.

"There was so much blood. It was all over them. I remember shaking my dad's leg and could feel how cold it was, even through the bed sheet. My mom was no warmer when I touched her and I knew they were both dead. I raced to the phone and called 911 before I collapsed on the kitchen floor. I couldn't even get up to let the police in, so they broke the door down.

"They took me to the hospital and admitted me for shock. I was supposed to get out that night, but then the police told me what happened. It appeared my mom had waited until my dad had passed out drunk before she stabbed him. They couldn't even count the wounds they were so close together. Once she'd stopped with him, she'd downed two bottles of pain pills. They didn't know for sure how many, but it didn't really matter it was enough.

"After hearing all of it of course I went into shock again and they kept me for another week, before I was placed in a foster home. Sam and Emily had tried for many years to have kids of their own, but never were able to get pregnant. They'd been close to adoption three times before, but at the last minute the birth mother always changed her mind. By the time I came around they were at the point of thinking it was never going to happen. It didn't matter to them that I would be an adult in a year, they just wanted a child.

"I lived with them for three months before they adopted me officially. They gave me everything, a car, clothes, but most of all they tried to give me their love. I'd gone 17 years without it, so I didn't need or want it then. The more they tried the more I pushed away. I started drinking and smoking pot, to just escape. Being 17 and having no money I started sleeping with guys to get what I needed and they gave it willingly."

She didn't have to worry about me interrupting anymore, I was in so much shock by this point I don't think I could have formed a sentence.

"By the time I graduated high school I'd started staying out later and later. Not being able to stand the pity on Sam and Emily's faces when I staggered in the door at 2 or 3 in the morning I just quit coming home. I didn't no where to go at first so I spent the first week on the streets, not caring about anything, but leaving the past behind.

"At first I didn't know how to do it, but then after about two weeks I met Jacob. He was volunteering at the shelter I was sleeping in, and I thought when he came up to me that he just wanted what every other guy wanted. So I told him what I wanted for it. He just smiled and told me he was gay, so I didn't have to worry about that, but that he could still get me what I wanted. The only thing I had to do in return was give out the stuff he sold and if I got caught not to rat him out. So I did.

"Every morning I'd drag myself off of whatever park bench, front stoop or shelter cot I was sleeping on at the moment and meet up with him. I'd take whatever packages he had for me to whoever they went too. My reward at night when I returned the money to him was a bottle of pain pills and alcohol. Usually it was Oxycotin and vodka, but sometimes he'd throw in Vicodin and tequila. I didn't care they numbed me just as easily.

"I spent the next two years living like that. And then everything changed. I went to a party one night with him and I decided I wanted to try something else. That was the one and only time I tried coke. It was not as fun as everyone made it out to be. I was paranoid and hallucinating all over the place. The morning after the party I woke up in a bed with three people. I didn't know their names or how I got there. I remember stumbling to the bathroom over more people in the floor.

"The sight that met my eyes in the mirror that morning was not good. I was thin and looked like I hadn't slept in weeks. My skin had this nasty yellow tinge to it and all I saw was worthlessness. At that moment I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't want to live like I was, I didn't want to wake up and do any of the things I was doing again. I didn't want to wake up at all, so I took a leaf from my mom's book and downed the full bottle of pills I had in my pocket.

"Someone found me and called an ambulance. I woke up a few days later in the hospital. The doctors asked for a family phone number and I wasn't about to give it to them, but then the police came in and said I could go to jail or go to family. So I gave them the only number I had. Sam and Emily were at the hospital within the hour.

"I wouldn't talk at first, because how could they love me after all I'd done, but over the next few days I realized that their love was unconditionally. They'd been trying to find me the entire time I was gone and was overjoyed when the hospital called. When I was released they took me home. My room was the still the same way I'd left it, the bed unmade and clothes on the floor. I knew then that I had to fix my life if not so much for myself but for them.

"They put me in rehab where I spent a year. It was hard at first having to talk about my parents and what I had done while I was gone, but eventually it got easier. I started smiling more and laughing. I gained back the weight I'd lost and things started to look up. Sam and Emily never missed a visiting day and I slowly opened my heart to let them in."

"When I got out of rehab Sam got me a job working for the publishing house, I was there a year when I met James. He was nice to begin with, and I didn't question why he wanted to change the way I looked. But after awhile things started to change. I'd made a few friends working and I had started going out with them sometimes, but he got to where he wouldn't want me too. At first he would tell me it was because he wanted to spend time with me alone, but I eventually figured out that he didn't like there were guys there. He started to get mad when I'd go out with Emily for the day and I should have ended it then, but I didn't and things went from bad to worse.

"We were together 7 months when he hit me the first time. I don't even remember why now, but it was the beginning of five months of hitting. It only happened about once every two weeks and usually those were because I'd worn something he didn't like, even though he bought my clothes or because I'd looked at guy or he thought I had. He always made sure he never hit my face, but everywhere else was fair game. I should have left, but he'd apologize and I would believe him. I was so stupid. It finally got to the point that I was thinking about taking something to escape again, but I couldn't knowing it would disappoint Sam and Emily.

"The night I finally realized I had to get away or he was going to kill me was a week after our one year anniversary. I awoke once again in the hospital, only this time I had a broken leg, a broken arm, four broken ribs, a shattered jaw and a concussion. Sam and Emily had him thrown in jail two days later when the DNA from my finger nails came back to match him. He pled guilt and got five years.

"I spent the first six months after getting out of the hospital recovering and it was hard. I wouldn't take the pills they gave me for the pain, not wanting to start again.

"We all knew James would more than likely come after me when he got out, so after a lot of talking we decided it would be best if I disappeared. I changed everything about me. My name, my hair, my clothes and then I moved here."

I didn't even realize she was done talking for a good five minutes. I sat in stunned silence and just looked at the broken girl in front of me. How could someone go through that and still be the good person she was now? I wanted to kill her parents again for not telling her they loved her, I wanted to kill Jacob for sucking her more into the life that she didn't deserve, I wanted to kill James for putting his hands on her, but most of all I wanted to hug Sam and Emily for giving her their love.

"Jasper please say something." She said, her quiet voice breaking into my inner turmoil.

In that moment I should have said it didn't matter, that I still loved her. I should have wrapped her in my arms and hugged her for all I was worth. I should have told her I didn't care what she'd done or who'd she'd been with. But I couldn't. I couldn't open my mouth in fear of spouting out all the anger I had inside for the people who'd hurt her.

I didn't speak; instead I sat there and watched her until she ran to her room in tears. Did it hurt to see her that way? Hell yes. Did I do the smart thing and follow her? Oh, no. I was still too angry. So I did the stupidest thing I'd every done. I left.

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A/N: Please, please, please review. A hug from your choice of Cullen man will be your reward. Also a hint on next chapter.