Puck DaBadass went from being "single" to "it's complicated."
Finn Hudson, Mike Chang, and 4 others like this
Kurt Hummel What's so complicated? Can't decide which hand to use? (Santana Lopez, Quinn Fabray, and 16 others like this)
Puck DaBadass Just because you're blue-ballin' Anderson, don't pin it on me.
Blaine Anderson Who said anything about blue balls? *wink* (Santana Lopez, Brittany Pierce, and 3 others like this)
Puck DaBadass Damn. Go Anderson! (Blaine Anderson like this)
Finn Hudson Can we not talk about this? Like, ever?
Kurt Hummel Sorry, Finn. We still don't have an answer to Puck's masturbating conundrum.
Puck DaBadass I'm banging (or working on banging) the most amazing chick *ever*, Hummel. She just doesn't want to be seen with me.
Kurt Hummel Shocker. (Santana Lopez, Quinn Fabray, and 12 others like this)
Puck DaBadass I'm totally willing to put in the work for this one. I'm in love.
Kurt Hummel Is she out of her mind?
Quinn Fabray Are *you* out of your mind, Puck? (Not you, Kurt, honey) Your attentions should be focused elsewhere.
Rachel Berry What are you two plotting? I don't like this.
Quinn Fabray This is really none of your business, Berry. Why don't you keep your attentions on trying to beat people much more deserving out for class president? (Kurt Hummel, Brittany Pierce, and Santana Lopez like this)
Finn Hudson Class DISMISSED!
Puck DaBadass, Blaine Anderson, and 6 others like this
Finn Hudson That was AWESOME dudes.
Blaine Anderson We definitely need to do more numbers like that.
Tina Cohen-Chang I'm sorry, Kurt. They've gotten to your boyfriend just like they got to mine. Expect to be ignored a lot in favor of 'bro-ments'.
Kurt Hummel I already resigned myself to dealing with them on a more regular basis, especially because Finn invites them over frequently.
Tina Cohen-Chang I'm so sorry (Quinn Fabray and Rachel Berry like this)
Puck DaBadass Who's for doing Between the Sheets next week? (Mike Chang and Finn Hudson like this)
Blaine Anderson You guys can leave me out of that one… (Kurt Hummel likes this)
Burt Hummel I would like to address the slander to my campaign as of late. I recovered from my heart attack perfectly naturally (with the help of angioplasty), with much fretting from my son and friends, and did not receive the heart of a baboon. If you guys agree that politics shouldn't be bull designed to hurt other candidates, rather laws designed to help the people, send a message to Sue Sylvester and vote Burt Hummel!
Jacob Ben Israel The poll for the presidential candidacy remains stable, with Miss Rachel Berry and Miss Brittany Pierce remaining at 38% each, Mr (we assume) Kurt Hummel at 20%, and Rick 'the Stick' bat 4% of the votes. Hopefully, these will shift with the upcoming Presidential Debate Friday at 4 o'clock.
Brittany Pierce, Rachel Berry, and 249 others like this
Santana Lopez There's no way Bobby-Sock Barbra Berry is going to beat out my Brittany. PIERCE FOR PRESIDENT!
Kurt Hummel If *your* Brittany can even come up with logical answers at the debate, I'll be shocked. Wait until her palace of empty promises comes crashing down, Miss Lopez. It won't be a pretty sight.
Blaine Anderson And Kurt's totally a Mr. FYI!
Kurt Hummel BLAINE!
Santana Lopez Please, Hummel, stop trying to spread your bland rainbows all over everything and let the students have what they want!
Brittany Pierce ROBOT TEACHERS! (Finn Hudson, Puck DaBadass, and 38 others like this)
Kurt Hummel Because that seems likely. We don't even have the technology for that! Why don't you guys vote for something real?
Santana Lopez Give it up, Hummel. You don't have the balls to be in a competition like this (if you have balls at all). Just give up now.
Kurt Hummel You remind me more and more of Coach Sylvester every day. (Quinn Fabray, Finn Hudson, and 47 others like this)
Santana Lopez I don't take that as an insult.
Rachel Berry I refuse to join in this childish slander.
the Stick Nelson VOTE FOR THE STICK!
Blaine Anderson Why does everyone seem convinced that my *boy*friend isn't male?
Santana Lopez A note to Rachel 'Bobby-Socks' Berry, Finn 'the Whale' Hudson, Blaine 'Bowtie' Anderson, Kurt 'Castrato' Hummel, Tina 'Incestuous #1' Cohen-Chang, Mike 'Incestuous #2' Chang, Quinn 'the Cow' Fabray, Artie 'the Crip' Abrams, Puck 'the Slut' DaBadass, and the Irish guy that no one can understand: We are going to crush you at the mash-up. Hate, Sanny.
Blaine Anderson Most letters are signed 'Love….'
Quinn Fabray Dear Miss Santana Lopez, Miss Brittany Pierce, Miss Mercedes Jones, and Miss Sugar Motta, sending hate letters is rather childish, and I assure you that we will compete fairly. Oh, and kick your butts. Love, Quinn.
Kurt Hummel posted to Santana Lopez's Wall You really just don't have a line, do you? What the hell makes you think you're so much better than everyone else and can just treat them horribly? I'm about one more snide comment from *cutting* you, girl or not. Maybe you should just deal with your own damn insecurities and leave everyone else alone. What the hell has Finn ever done to you? What the hell has *Rory* ever done to you? You're just a horrible person, and whatever caused you to become such a bitch, you probably deserved it. And you definitely deserve the way that I'm going to cream your girlfriend at the debate, just for the New Directions.
Quinn Fabray, Rachel Berry, and 6 others like this
Santana Lopez Wow, Hummel, I'm impressed. All that pent up rage from how prudish you're being with Blaine has finally exploded out in a bitch-rant.
Blaine Anderson WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS? LEAVE HIM THE HELL ALONE!
Rory Flanagan Kurt, this is really nice of you.
Kurt Hummel Don't get the wrong idea, Irish.
Rory Flanagan I'm not entirely sure what you mean…
Kurt Hummel I'm sure Finn would be happy to inform you.
Santana Lopez For the record, Hummel, he totally called me an 'assless J-Lo' today, not that it's true.
Kurt Hummel And that's nothing compared to what you've said to him (and to all of us over the years). You're a hypocritical bitch, and I can't wait to see someone cut you down to size.
Santana Lopez I know you're frustrated that I get more than you do, but yelling at me on Facebook probably won't make you feel better.
Blaine Anderson For Pete's sake!
Kurt Hummel Is that really all you have to say? You can't even come up with a good insult so you're coming back with the fact that I actually respect myself enough not to throw myself at every guy I meet?
Santana Lopez Either you're just frigid, or you're as much of a hot mess under your shirt as Finn is.
Blaine Anderson Jesus, Kurt, just tell her!
Kurt Hummel Fine. This isn't something I wanted to announce on Facebook (or announce at all), but I'm not a virgin anymore. That's right, Lopez, Blaine and I are having hot, sweaty, *amazing* gay sex every single damn night, so you can take your prude comments and shove them straight up your well-used, stretched-out ****!
Brittany Pierce :O
Rachel Berry :O
Finn Hudson :Q
Blaine Anderson Finn, that's a Q, not an O.
Finn Hudson I'm vomiting, and so is my face.
Blaine Anderson Is there a smirk face?
Puck DaBadass ;^)
Blaine Anderson;^)
Burt Hummel Once again, I would like to clear up the rumors that I am married to a donkey. I am married to a wonderful woman named Carole Hudson who is fully human. I am tolerant, however, of Miss Sylvester's comments because I would never want to stoop that low myself in order to win votes. Vote for the person for the people, not the one with the sharp tongue.
Kurt Hummel and Finn Hudson
Kurt Hummel What the hell is wrong with you? You do not out people in the middle of the hallway, no matter how horrible what they just said to you!
Finn Hudson It's not like everyone hasn't known for years! All you have to do is watch them for five minutes, and you know they're a couple.
Kurt Hummel You wouldn't understand, Finn. You could never understand. Everyone knew with me for years, but coming out was still terrifying, and you just spilled her out of the closet! She's going to have to deal with so much!
Finn Hudson Good! She's been tormenting me for years, let her feel the same.
Kurt Hummel So you want people to slam her into lockers? Slushy her? Call her rude names? Throw pee balloons at her? Punch her in places that can't be noticed? Dump food on her in the cafeteria? Back her into a corner and play 'Smear the Queer'? All those things that you did to me, you want that to happen to her. If you do, you're not the man I thought you were, Finn Hudson.
Finn Hudson No, not that stuff. Just the names and stuff.
Kurt Hummel That's what's going to happen, and you know that Finn. I cannot believe that you would do something like this.
Jacob Ben Israel In an amazing turn, Miss Rachel Berry has dropped out of the race and pledged her allegiance to Mr. (confirmed now) Kurt Hummel. This caused a complete reorganization of the polls, leaving Rick 'the Stick' Nelson still last, with 6% of the vote, Kurt Hummel a close second with 40% of the vote, and Miss Brittany Pierce still in the lead with 52% of the vote.
Rachel Berry, Santana Lopez, and 348 others like this
Rachel Berry Vote Kurt Hummel for something real, something attainable, and something that helps us all! (Kurt Hummel, Blaine Anderson, and 37 others like this)
Santana Lopez PIERCE FOR PRESIDENT! Make tornadoes illegal at McKinley and get to see a hot pair of real boobs.
Kurt Hummel I'm sure they're about as real as yours, Santana "Sandbags" Lopez.
Santana Lopez Kurt Hummel, whipping out the vitriol at last. Turns out all you needed to dislodge the stick up your ass was for it to be replaced by Blaine's dick!
the Stick Nelson VOTE FOR THE STICK!
Kurt Hummel posted to Rachel Berry's Wall Such a drama queen, yet such a wonderful person.
Finn Hudson like this
Rachel Berry I missed you, Kurt, more than I could possibly say, and we're going to be amazing in New York together, I know it.
Kurt Hummel Rachel Berry, will you... be my roommate at NYADA?
Rachel Berry How could I say no to an offer like that? (Kurt Hummel likes this)
Kurt Hummel Keep that promise in mind when I use you ruthlessly as my campaign slave, Miss Rachel Barbra Berry.
Sugar Motta Please tell me I'm not the only one shocked by Santana today! What the hell was up with her?
Mercedes Jones, Brittany Pierce, and 13 others like this
Kurt Hummel Finn deserved it. Trust me.
Mercedes Jones How is *everyone* going to find out that Santana and Brittany are... y'know, Santana and Brittany?
Kurt Hummel One of my father's competitors found out and is trying to use that fact against Sue on a campaign ad. This is the kind of thing that happens when a campaign does negative.
Tina Cohen-ChangPoor Santana.
Kurt Hummel I know. Believe me, I know.
A/N: I solemnly swear to you that 90% of this story will be written before the two-hour special. REVIEWS ARE LOVE.