Emotional Torture chapter ten c: Fyi, I will be updating regularly now. Every Monday if I can. ^^ I hope I haven't lost all of my readers because of my long absence ' Forgive me I rly didn't mean to be away so long. I blame internetz spazz and moving. But I'm sure you don't want to read my rambles c: On with chapter ten!

-.-

Haruhi knew that Hikaru had probably sprinted directly to the attic. He had always been predictable, whether Haruhi was 'alive' or not. She wanted desperately to go to him and tell him that it was ok, like she had been able to for Kaoru. She knew, though, that her presence would be resented, not accepted and needed.

So, as much as she wished and wanted to go to him, she didn't. He might be better off sorting out his feelings himself, without her interference.

Haruhi was worried about him, though, despite her choice to leave him alone for now. Maybe Tamaki and Kyoya had hypothesized this would happen when they had come up with and set forth to accomplish this 'experiment'. Maybe they had known that Hikaru would react like this, but surely they hadn't realized how extreme his reaction would be. Some days, Haruhi was almost sick with worry over Hikaru's actions and reactions to things. Naturally, she was always worried that Tamaki would hurt or even kill Hikaru if she slipped up, but this worry was different. It wasn't a vague threat from a distant tormentor. This worry was up front and personal, in her face twenty-four hours a day.

It was the painful possibility that Hikaru might take his own life.

The thought, whenever it arose in her brain, always made Haruhi shudder with fear. She didn't think that Hikaru would kill himself, but what did she know? She though that he would bounce back after she 'died', but she had been completely off on that. And it had been weeks! Months! Since she had died.

She wondered if Kaoru was worried about the same thing. She wished she could ask him, but she couldn't bring herself to. Earlier that day, when Kaoru had cried on her shoulder, that had probably been a fluke. A moment of weakness, of pure vulnerability, that Kaoru didn't have the strength or will to deny. She had been there when he needed someone, so he had taken the opportunity. She did not expect him to change his general attitude towards her.

Since she had decided not to go to Hikaru and attempt to comfort him, she instead went to the room that the twins now shared. The bed was a tangled mess, sheets pulled clear of the mattress edges and the comforter strewn across the bed, one edge of it slumping in a heap on the floor.

Haruhi sighed. Every time she asked how they had slept, Kaoru always responded with a cheerful "We slept great." This proved otherwise. No person who slept great could uproot a sheet from the mattress after one night.

As she crossed to the other side of the bed, she found a small pallet. It was not as much of a twisted mess as the bed, but it was still in unruly blanket tangles.

Kaoru probably sleeps here. She concluded to herself. She reached to pick up one of the blankets from the pallet and found that it was damp with sweat. Either Kaoru sweated profusely in his sleep – which she knew for a fact that he did not – or he was being plagued by vicious nightmares, or night terrors as her dad called them. She figured that Hikaru also suffered from these horrifying dreams.

She paused, imagining the scene that she missed at night. Hikaru asleep on the bed, Kaoru on the floor. Hikaru, while having his dream, kicking and flailing, fighting off unseen horror. She imagined him screaming, yelling, terrified and crying in his sleep. She slept in a nearby room, but she knew that she wouldn't hear if he did scream. The rooms were practically sound proof, giving privacy to the dwellers. She would not have heard Hikaru's voice if he called out in sleep. She imagined him waking up, screaming for her to run, only to find that he had been transported from a vicious nightmare to an even more vicious reality.

Kaoru had night terrors differently though. He probably clenched his fists into the blankets, his entire body rigid with fear until sadness overwhelmed him and he curled on his side into a ball. He stood like a rock through his dreams, stood through the pain. And when he woke from the horror, instead of a scream, only a gasp escaped him.

Haruhi shivered and closed her eyes. How Hikaru and Kaoru must dread the looming night and the terrible dreams that the darkness brought to them. She herself was guilty of taking sleeping pills that kept her in the utter darkness of a dreamless sleep.

She began to pick up the blankets and sheets and pile them near the door to be taken to the laundry room. She would replace the sheets and blankets so that they would at least have a clean bed to sleep in.

She moved into the bathroom to dig out some clean sheets and blankets When she came back out, Kaoru was sitting on the floor his back against the closed door. She paused, surprised, and took in his tired, tear streaked face. He glanced up to meet her eyes once, then turned his eyes back to the floor.

She smiled and moved to the bed, laying the blankets on the ground and working the sheet into it's place. "So.." she began, breaking the quiet, keeping her eyes on what her hands were doing. "Nightmares?" she glanced up to see his reaction to this, and found his soft golden eyes locked on her.

When their eyes met, he sighed and lowered them. "Hikaru's nightmares are worse than mine. He always wakes up screaming and he babbles and cries for up to ten minutes after. He relived Haruhi's death every single night. He babbles about blood, and how she's slipping away from him.." his voice took on a note of panic as he continued ".. and how it's all wrong, so wrong, should have been him and not her." he stopped, calming himself.

Haruhi assumed that what he had said was a direct quote from Hikaru's nightly 'babbles'.

"Every night." he continued. "On a good night, he'll only wake up once or twice. On a bad night though?" he shivered slightly. "Every hour, maybe every two hours." he shook his head, looking dejected. "I'm afraid if this keeps up, he'll be so tired he'll fall asleep at school. What then, I wonder? Our facade would crumble."

Haruhi thought that it was a little shallow that Kaoru mentioned his and Hikaru's act at school, but she knew that he was just concealing what he really felt. She paused and let the silence envelope them for a moment before asking gently, "And you, Kaoru? What are your nightmares about?"

Kaoru didn't answer right away, staring blankly at the carpet. His fingers picked at the threading, plucking loose fibers and dropping them, then repeating. "About earlier." he said suddenly, completely ignoring her question. "I'm sorry. Last night was a particularly bad night for Hikaru, so I was tired and emotional."

Haruhi silently stripped the pillows of their soft, silken cases, then slowly recovered them with fresh covers. She let the silence sink in as she did this, waiting to speak. Then she said quietly, "You know, Kaoru, Hikaru isn't the only one that lost someone. He isn't the only one who is hurting. You don't have to act like he is."

Kaoru glanced at her and gave her a feeble grin. "But he is the only one who lost a girlfriend."

Haruhi shrugged and turned her back on him, unfolding and setting out blankets for Kaoru's pallet.

"She was important to all of us, of course. Hikaru, me, Mori, Hunny, Tamaki, Kyoya..."

Haruhi shivered at the sound of the two names she had come to dread.

"But Hikaru lost the one who saved him."

Surprised, Haruhi turned back to him. "Saved him?" she couldn't keep the shock out of her voice.

Kaoru nodded, eying her like she had suddenly grown tentacles. "We were connected, ya know? Less two people, more one. We were interchangeable. I could be Hikaru for the people who wanted me to be Hikaru, and he could be Kaoru. It was how it always was, since we were little. I guess it twisted us. Hikaru was never happy. He's more the individual than me." he laughed, though it was a hollow laugh. "But then Tono came along. He wanted to recruit us for his Host Club." He laughed again, for real, at the memory. "It was a step in the right direction, a step towards become two individuals instead of one individual divided into two bodies. It wasn't enough to totally rescue us from our dark world of two, though."

Haruhi nodded like she understood, but at the moment she felt utterly clueless. She didn't understand. She hated that feeling.

"Then Haruhi came along." a tender but distant look entered his eyes. "He – she – was this skinny gay guy who stumbled into the host club and meant nothing to us. At first. Then, as the truth revealed itself, and our relationship expanded, she transformed. Kind of like the ugly duckling." he laughed.

Haruhi felt like an anime character, sweat dropping at his cruel, but probably true, humor.

"She transformed into a beautiful girl who didn't fit the mold that we were used to. She was different. Lovely. Amazing. She was totally ignorant, too. I doubt she ever would have guess the extreme role she played in Hikaru's and my life."

'Ignorant', 'Ugly duckling'... Haruhi stifled a sigh. Those were the exact type of words that the twins would use for her.

His gaze turned wistful. "She was completely unattainable to most of us. Hikaru didn't know how lucky he was to have her."

Leaving me lonely. Haruhi finished for him in her mind. She always tried to include Hikaru's twin whenever she could, so that he wouldn't feel totally abandoned. She felt like she had failed this, now.

Haruhi felt like she was distant, too. Like her former Haruhi self that was loved and known by the rest of the host club was fading. She was entering her new self, even though she desired to stay in her old self. She was becoming someone not her. A person who had not relations to the Club and the people in the club.

She was becoming an outsider.

"She looked at Hikaru and I as two separate wholes. Two people separately instead of one person divided." he touched his cheek, looking awed. "She knew my name. She knew me for me, Kaoru, and knew Hikaru for him, Hikaru." he sighed and smiled at her, his mind returning to the present. "Probably sounds pretty stupid to you, huh? How could one girl change everything? How could one girl split apart a world that had been built for years? How could on girl change everything? How could one girl make such an impact on two lost, lonely boys?"

She smiled back at him limply. She felt a bit like a traitor, listing to him say all this. She was Haruhi and he was talking about Haruhi, but he didn't know. He thought he was talking to a maid that would listen and then spread this around as juicy gossip.

"But we loved her." he continued. "She was the first person we loved other than each other. She was special. That's why Hikaru is so broken by her death. She was the only person he loved besides me. It broke his spirit. I'm afraid he won't be able to love anyone ever again."

He sighed and stood, brushing off his shirt. "Sorry you keep having to listen to me be all angst-y." he grinned at her. "I guess I'm getting used to you." he winked. "Or at least, I think you're to stupid to understand how serious this all is."

Haruhi smiled, her heart aching. Her sweet Hikaru. She never knew she had helped him in such a way. Then Tamaki and Kyoya had made her destroy it all. Every last bit of progress that Hikaru had ever made was ripped from him, like a carpet being yanked cruely from under his feet.

By now, Haruhi had finished making both beds. "I have pills." she told Kaoru, choosing for now not to comment on his story. "They help me sleep. Maybe they would benefit you and Hikaru also?"

Kaoru shook his head. "If the other maids noticed us taking pills, the rumor would go directly to Mother. She'd have us both on anti-depressant pills in about point zero three seconds flat."

Haruhi grinned at him. "I'll sneak them to you guys. I think they would help." Her smile fell from her face. "Maybe.. Maybe it would help Hikaru, you know? So he's not so..."

"Depressed." Kaoru finished for her. "So Hikaru isn't so blasted depressed."

She nodded. "I mean. I'm worried that he might..."

Kaoru held up a hand, shaking his head firmly. "Don't say it." he commanded, his voice gently but stern. "Don't even say it." his lips quivered gently, and if Haruhi hadn't been paying attention, she would not have noticed. "I can't even imagine, if Hikaru.." Kaoru stopped when he voice broke. He cleared his throat. "Just don't. Sneak the pills to us and I'll convince my brother to take them."

Haruhi smiled gently, rounding the bed to lay a comforting hand on Kaoru's arm. "I will. And don't worry, Kaoru. We won't let him do anything that stupid."

He smiled back and nodded. "Of course we won't."

-.-

Tamaki leaned back in his chair, a small smile gracing his lips. His master plan was working. The essence of his plot was this: Take Haruhi from them. Make them love another 'Haruhi'. Take him from them again. It was the ultimate form of emotional torture. It would shove those two demons back into the dark world from whence they had came!

Tamaki cackled and sent his spinny chair spinning. As he whirled, he felt satisfaction settle over him like a blanket. Sure, his plot had some holes in it, like the lack of cameras in the attic, but it was perfect in his eyes.

Kyoya entered the room, eyes flashing with amusement as he watched Tamaki spin.

"What is it?" Tamaki demanded, setting his feet flat on the floor to halt his spin abruptly.

"We've been invited to the Hitachiin residence for a sleepover." Kyoya said mildly.

Tamaki's brown wrinkled in confusion. He had just watched then entire episode with Kaoru and Haruhi. He had heard nothing about a sleepover.

"Hikaru." Kyoya reminded him mildly.

"Oh!" Tamaki exclaimed, laughing at his stupidity. "Of course. When is this 'sleepover'?"

"Tonight."

Tamaki leaned back in his chair, a gleam in his eyes. "Perfection."