A/N: Thanks for following this little story that came to me...it's a bit of fun and I'm having a ball writing it! Now...on with the show...

Disclaimer: I don't claim to own Twilight or the characters. Love to, though.

CHAPTER 10 - SAY WHAT?

EPOV

I sat up stiffly and stared at my sister as she plonked herself down and sat next to me on the couch. I honestly thought that she'd finally lost it. Make Bella fall in love with me? What the hell was going on in that head of hers? God, I wished I was a mind-reader! Alice, my relentlessly upbeat sister and eternal optimist, had somehow found her way through the hurt and pain that Bella had caused, and had channeled it all into some ridiculous half fucking baked idea. There was no doubt about it. She was the complete opposite of me. I didn't want anything to do with Bella, and here she was, scheming to keep her in our lives as if she'd forgiven her already! At this point, I was ready to have her committed, and after the year I'd had, that was saying something!

"Alice, are you on drugs, or do I perhaps need to have you committed?" I speculated as I watched her carefully, her eyes still with that glazed faraway look that I knew all too well. I could nearly hear her mind ticking over as she picked up a wandering Tiddles and gave her a squeeze before setting her down. The cat seemed to detect that something was up and suddenly became a little skittish, bolting for the bedroom as soon as Alice let her go. I snorted as I watched her make her escape, suddenly wishing I could do the exact same thing.

"Aren't you the least bit curious about what I'm proposing?" Alice asked, and I had to admit, I was a little. I likened it to when you pass a car accident, and can't help but stop and stare.

"No," I replied with little conviction as I turned my gaze away from the bedroom door and back toward my sister.

"Why not? Don't you want to help me prove Bella wrong?" she countered as she briefly pursed her lips and looked at me like I was the insane one, or at least the only dumb fuck in the room.

"Are you insane? Do you honestly think I want to go anywhere near that woman again after the all trouble she's caused?" I argued.

"Oh come on Edward! Don't you want to get a little payback? A little revenge? Maybe even have a little fun too? She says she doesn't go for someone just for their looks, and after the way she treated you, I don't believe her," she said icily. I'd never known Alice to be this vindictive before, and I felt guilty that I was to blame for her decision to pursue this.

"Whether you believe her or not, I don't need to be reminded about the fact that I'm a freak, and she sure as hell has made it clear that's exactly what she thinks I am," I said emphatically. Why the hell would I want put myself in her line of fire again? I knew I'd had the last word when I ran into her at the library, but her scathing attack at the cafe had left its mark. And now with the attack on Alice? Well...I was beyond pissed off.

And then she threw her head back and laughed, pissing me off further to the point that my fists clenched in frustration. "She won't think you're a freak when I'm through with you! In fact, she won't know what the hell hit her!"

I groaned, her lack of explanation, bitchy remarks and vague comments beginning to tick me off big time. "Alice Cullen! Just tell me what the fuck you're going on about or I'm going home!" I threatened like a two year old as I stood to my feet.

"Oh for Christ sake Edward, just sit your ass down for a minute and let me explain." I stood my ground, defiantly folding my arms as she narrowed her eyes at me and yelled, "Now!"

A little taken aback, I unfurled my arms, slowly lowered my body back onto the couch and stared incredulously at my sister. "Wow Alice, I'm shocked! That bitch is really beginning to rub off on you, isn't she?"

"You think so?" she asked, chuckling evilly. What the hell had gotten in to her?

"Yes I do. But I have to say, I've never seen you argue with me like this. I'm pleased that you're finally standing up for yourself, but it's a shame you didn't direct it towards Bella when you had the chance," I said with a mixture of annoyance and pride. Alice had always been the proper one...the strong one, the one that always behaved herself, and the one who was often taken advantage of because of her limitless generosity. She was the one that always behaved impeccably...the perfect one...well, compared to me anyway.

"Yeh, who'd have thought that I had a little bit of bitch lurking inside...me of all people," she said with a sense of surprise, laughing as her mind still was going into overdrive. I rolled my eyes at her and sighed heavily, my anger beginning to ease as I reluctantly decided to ask her what she had planned.

"Okay, so what...what specifically do you plan to do, Alice?" I asked, cocking my brow at her.

"I already told you. I'm going to make Bella fall in love with you," she said, shrugging casually.

"Alice, how do you propose to do that? You know you can't force two people to fall in love. Things just don't work like that in real life, and you know that," I argued with my usual logic.

"Oh trust me Edward; I know what I'm doing. I know about Bella's type. She's as shallow as they come...and some. Besides, I'm used to creating heroes for women to fall in love with, and she's no exception. It's what I do, don't forget," she reminded, beaming as she spoke, unaffected by my argument.

"Yeh, in your fantasy world of writing your novels, I have to agree you're the best...but Alice, this isn't one of your stories," I argued further.

"Duh, Edward. I know it's not one of my stories!" she said in frustration.

"Okay, well I'm glad you're seeing things a little more clearly now. So, are we done with your ridiculous idea of making Bella fall in love with me?" I asked with futility, knowing that I couldn't possibly get off that easily. She was a woman on a mission and I knew that nothing I said was going to change her mind...that much I knew about my sister.

"No we're not done by a long stretch, Edward. And the idea's not as ridiculous as you think." And then she looked at me up and down, causing me to squirm in my seat.

"Edward, what would you say if I wanted you to kind of get a little makeover?" she asked me.

I gasped, realising I was suddenly knee deep in manure and sinking fast.

"Makeover? You want me to get a...makeover? What am I, a fucking girl?"

"Edward, of course you're not a girl. Men get makeovers all the time these days."

"Yeh, ones that stick their cocks in other men's asses," I snarled sarcastically as I let out a nervous laugh.

"What century did you die in Edward?" she asked. "It's all the rage you know. And yes, even straight men get makeovers sometimes."

"And what the fuck would getting my nails painted achieve, prey tell?" I asked.

"Ugh! You have no idea, do you my little brother?" she asked in frustration. "I'm not talking about painting your nails. I'm talking about altering your appearance a little bit, that's all."

"Altering...my appearance? Alice if you think I'm going through getting my eyebrows waxed just so you can get a little revenge..."

"Oh, stop whining, you big baby!" she retorted, getting a little pissed off at me. "Everyone could do with a little...tweaking."

"Tweaking?" I asked. "What the hell do you mean by tweaking? I'm quite happy with the way I am thanks very much," I said unconvincingly.

She didn't buy it. Neither did I. "And how's that working for you so far? Beating women off with a stick, are you?"

"Well I don't see how that's any of your business, is it?" I snapped angrily as I felt a blush cross my face. Why the hell was she doing this to me?

Relentless in her pursuit of what she wanted, she ignored my tantrum and pressed on.

"Edward, I know you're already handsome, but your body's been put through hell and you need to regain a bit of what your treatment robbed you of," she whispered, her voice trying to soothe me as she reached out and touched the back of my hand with hers.

"Yeh, I guess so," I admitted, my feelings still a little muddled as I felt her squeeze my hand in assurance to emphasise her point, my anger beginning to ebb away as she did. Oh this girl knew what she was doing. "But what exactly did you have in mind?"

"Have you thought about going back to the gym?" she asked.

"Yes, I have actually," I replied. And then I realised that this may be my way out. "So if I start working out, will you get off my back?" I asked as I patted the back her hand with my free one, trying to manipulate the queen of manipulators. I knew I didn't stand a chance, but what the hell? I had to try!

She immediately pulled her hand from my grasp and huffed in frustration. "No, Edward. Working out's only part of what I want you to do. And if you decide to let me help you, you have to commit yourself to it completely. Don't you want to start living your life? Don't you want to take risks? Don't you want to feel loved?" she asked, her last question making me feel a combined sense of longing and loss. Of course I wanted to feel loved. Who the fuck didn't? Didn't mean it was gonna happen though. Life was never that fair.

"Life's never that fair," I said, only half of my thoughts spilling from my head.

"Well, it's about time someone leveled up the playing field, Edward. If Bella had given herself the chance to get to know you...I just know she'd feel differently, but she didn't even try. Edward, don't you know I'm only trying to help you?" she assured me with a steely, determined expression on her pixie-like face. I had to admit it, the idea did intrigue me. I mean, I knew that the girl probably despised me, but would she still feel the same way if I looked a little more attractive?

"Alright then...let's just say I agreed to this. What have you got in mind besides my going to the gym?" I asked, wondering what the hell I was in for, but curious about it at the same time.

"Oh, nothing too drastic. I was thinking about an intensive training program of course, but then there's some other stuff you can work on. The way you dress, the way you speak, we can get your hair done...and some manscaping, maybe a tan..."

"Oh is that all?" I asked sarcastically, starting to feel a little offended as well as worried about anything being 'manscaped'.

She ignored my smart-assed remark and continued rambling incessantly. "Oh and your confidence, your attitude and how you come across..."

"What about a fucking personality transplant while you're at it?" I whined. Was there anything that she didn't want to change about me?

"Oh shut it, Edward. Now where was I? Oh yes, we also need a little bit of the old Edward...you know...the smarmy bastard I used to know, love and be terrified of."

"Well, you're out of luck there. He's on permanent hiatus," I said, laughing darkly as I spoke.

"Oh, I don't think so. I've already seen glimpses of him lately and I think he's just about to make a surprise comeback, with my help of course," she said, winking at me knowingly.

I scowled at her in response, beginning to feel more than irritated with her and her scheming ways. But then I recollected my recent moods, and had to admit that perhaps she wasn't too far off the mark, and even without her help, my old personality had begun to emerge once more and when I ran into Bella the second time, well that was pretty much how I used to be. "You'd better watch yourself then. If you're not careful, you may get caught in my line of fire," I warned.

"Yeh, whatever, Edward. I'm soooo scared. So will you do it?"

Did I really want to risk my heart on this, leaving myself vulnerable to Bella crushing it under her foot? Was I that fucking desperate? "Err...I don't know," I said, fear and doubt suddenly eating away at me as the image of Bella's beautiful but fierce face flashed through my mind.

Her brows creased and she pouted a little, and the look of disappointment clearly etched on her face made me feel guilting as hell. "Please let me do this for you, Edward," she begged, her eyes blinking and suddenly filling with moisture as the disappointment was quickly replaced by a look of sadness.

Oh shit. The tears. Why the fuck did women always have to play that card? I groaned as I watched her take advantage of my one weakness. "Alice...I..."

Like a wild animal sensing weakness among its own kind, she moved in for the kill as she realised she was wearing me down. "You've been through so much. Don't you deserve to be the best version of you? Don't you want to see where doing this will take you?" she added. Then I wondered what was in this for her? Why would she go to all this trouble just to prove some childish point?

"And what do you have to gain by doing this? It's not like you to want to humiliate someone like that...I just don't get it Alice," I said as she smiled and blinked back her tears. She knew what she was doing, the little schemer.

"Okay, I'll admit I think she's got it coming. I want to bring her down a peg or two, and maybe prove to Bella that she's wrong about a few things, but is it so wrong for me to get a little payback after all you've been through?" she asked, her voice ringing with honesty.

"Alice, you realise that by doing this you're more of a bitch than she is, don't you?" I questioned as I sat back folded my arms, giving her my best look of disapproval.

"Oh, get off your high horse and just hear me out. It's not the only reason I want to do this. If you do this, it will give you both the opportunity to get to know each other. Bella never gave you a chance, but with my help you'll have it, and I just know you two would hit it off."

"And what if she sees right through your plans and gives me my marching orders anyway? What then, oh mistress of manipulators?"

"If she still rejects you even after all your improvements, then I'll gladly admit I'm wrong, leave you the hell alone and apologise to Bella."

That was an interesting thought. Alice never admitted she was wrong, or stayed out of my life. Her doing either of those things would literally kill her, and though agreeing to do this was the craziest thing I'd ever done, perhaps it was something I should consider doing. After all, from the first moment I saw her, Bella had intrigued me...and even though her behaviour towards both me and Alice had been abhorrent, that really hadn't changed.

"What is the big scary Edward chicken?" she challenged, flapping her arms like a mother hen.

"Very mature, Alice."

"So, will you do it?"

Oh, who was I kidding?

"I guess I could do with a little maintenance and repair," I admitted, casually shrugging my shoulders, trying to make light of the fact that I was suddenly more than interested, Alice having challenged me to succeed in snaring Bella.

"Oh thank you Edward!" she shrieked as she jumped up and tackled me into a hug.

"Watch the hair!" I laughed as we tumbled off the couch and landed with a thud on the floor. As we both tried to get to our feet, the intercom buzzed at the same time.

Alice untangled herself from me, swiftly leapt up and stepped toward the door, lifting the handset to answer. "Hello. Sure come on up," she said as she buzzed in the delivery guy. "Pizza's here!" she squealed, beaming victoriously as she turned to open the door.

"One large vegetarian. That'll be ten bucks, plus tip." The pimply faced delivery guy handed Alice the pizza and held out his hand for payment.

"Thanks," she said to him as I rose to my feet, reached into my pocket and dug out a couple of notes. I slipped her the cash as I walked past the door and headed straight for the kitchen. I needed a drink, and needed one big time.

"Beer?" I asked as she shut the door and followed me in, placing the pizza on the kitchen counter as she leant against the cupboards and stared at me speculatively.

"Please," she answered. Her was face suddenly tight and her eyes stared away distractedly as I reached into the refrigerator and pulled out two Coronas. Suddenly, she let out a huge, overly-exaggerated sigh.

What the hell is your problem now?

"What now Alice?" I asked as I shut the refrigerator door and handed her a beer. She had a weird look of confusion on her face, and frankly it was freaking me out just a little.

"Oh, nothing," she sighed. I didn't buy it.

"Don't give me that bullshit. What exactly is going on in that scheming mind of yours now?" I growled, suddenly cringing as she looked me up and down without saying a word.

"For Christ sake Alice, what?" I yelled, beginning to feel self-conscious as checked me out.

"You know, she hasn't really seen you," she muttered under her breath as she continued to study me like I was a science experiment.

"What?"

"So we might just get away with it. It is a risk, but I think we can pull it off."

"Earth to Alice...what the hell are you talking about?" I demanded.

Ignoring me, she continued. "Bella saw you...what, twice now? Once in your silly getup, and once in a darkened library. Hmmm," she spectulated as she put the beer to her face and tapped it gently to her chin, all the while continuing to stare at me.

Yet again, I could hear her mind ticking over.

"Of course we can't be sure how much Emmett saw of you either...but I wonder..." she said, her voice trailing off as her eyes got that glazed look once more.

"Alice, you're making no sense, so stop with the fucking babbling and just spill," I snapped as I tore the kitchen drawer open looking for the bottle opener. Fuck, I needed a drink...and I needed one now!

"Okay, okay Edward. Take a chill pill. It's simple when you think about it. I think that the only way we can guarantee that she'll even talk to you is if you pretend to be someone else," she said, hesitating, bracing herself for my response.

"What?" I screamed, so aghast by her suggestion that I suddenly stopped my search for the bottle opener and turned towards her, dumbfounded.

"What, you don't think so?" she asked. My eyes blinked rapidly as I tried to absorb that she was saying, but I was momentarily at a loss for words. Sensing that I was like a deer caught in headlights, she pushed past me and immediately retrieved the bottle opener from the drawer, nudging me as she shut it with force.

"Earth to Edward," she joked, her statement finally prompting me to speak.

"You can't be fucking serious, Alice." Then she opened her beer, took a deep drink, and then turned to face me, calmly handing me the bottle opener as she tossed the top into the sink.

"Think about it, Edward. You know she won't give you the time of day if she knows who you are, especially if she suspects I've put you up to it. Besides, you did abuse the shit out of her, humiliate her and knock her on her ass twice, which gives you absolutely no chance of getting her to go out with you. Anyways, you'll be unrecognisable after I'm through with you, so why not try to guarantee that she'll take the bait?"

I stared at my sister with my mouth gaping wide, so wide that I was sure I could dribble. Did this woman have no limits? No morals? Was that what I was? Bait?

"Alice...you can't expect me to agree," I said as I shook my head. "Don't you think it's wrong to set her up like that?"

"Oh what is it Edward? Did you suddenly find your conscience?" she asked as she took another swig of beer. Without taking my eyes off her, I opened my beer, threw the lid and opener in the sink and drank half the bottle without taking a breath. This was just so unlike her, and it was rather unsettling seeing her this way.

"You have to admit, what you're planning is pretty mean, and not at all what I expect from you."

"Okay, then what if I was to say that I can guarantee you'll at least get laid? That if you play your cards right, you might even have a shot at a relationship? Would that make you feel a little less guilty and perhaps change your mind? Because let's face it...the way things are now, you haven't got a chance in hell with her," she said as she raised her eyebrows and waited for me to answer. I kept shaking my head slowly, still refusing to agree as I tried to absorb what she was trying to say, my desire for Bella and feelings of guilt warring with one another. What the hell was she signing me up for? What if this backfired? Or, even more worrisome than that...what if Bella fell for it?

"I...can't."

"Look, Edward. Despite the fact that she's an A-grade bitch, I know that you still like her. Don't you want a shot at finding out how far this will go?"

"I...I..." Not knowing what else to say, I took another huge gulp of beer.

She knew she had me. I was stumbling over my words for fuck's sake!

"Edward, we only have each other. Just this once, why don't you just help your only sister out...please?" she begged, playing the sister card to absolute fucking perfection! I was beginning to realise that Bella had nothing on my sister, in the manipulation stakes at least. Alice was the gold medalist in that particular category.

"I've always stuck by you, Edward. Don't you think it's about time you supported me too?" With that statement, my heart twisted a bit and pangs of guilt began to hit me big time.

I took in a sharp breath and closed my eyes briefly, memories of the pain and suffering I'd endured playing through my mind for a brief moment. Alice was part of every single one of those memories, and had been there for me every inch of the way. She'd given up everything to care for me...and in an instant I realised what a selfish prick I was being. She had always been there for me, and the first time she asks me to do something for her...the first time I get the opportunity to make things up to her, I refuse to help the only person I could rely on in this fucked up thing called life. I opened my eyes, and just as I did, she batted her eyelids and pouted at me, making me cave in an instant. Bitch.

"Alice Cullen, you'll be the fucking death of me!" I growled.

"You won't regret this," she said, smiling broadly as she raised her beer in the air.

"Cheers, Edward," she added as she winked, leant in and clanked her bottle to mine, the noise of the clashing glass wordlessly sealing the deal.

As Alice opened the pizza box and took out a slice, I quietly took another sip of beer and thought about what I'd just agreed to do. From balls to bones I knew that I'd just crossed over to the dark side, with no hope of coming back. What the hell had I just signed up for?

A/N: Well that was interesting to write! She's a schemer that Alice isn't she? Reviews make me happy, so tap those keys and let me know if you're enjoying this little story folks!