Heero Sandwich

By Lord Raa

Disclaim-me-do: Remember that no amount of adornment can make the penis look anything other than disgusting.

Part 10

Sally Po was seated in a secure room when Colonel Lady Une walked in. She carried a bottle of water and some sandwiches.

"I'm not sure how long it's been since you've eaten, so I brought these for you," the bespectacled woman said as she placed the tray on the table. "Have something to eat while I explain why you're here."

Sally frowned for a moment before hunger made her reach for a sandwich. "Alright, I'm listening."

"I want to state from the outset that I have no desire to hurt you." Une disconnected the cameras that observed the room. "You have no reason to trust me. I understand that. Were I in your position, I would not trust me either. But there are things to consider before decide on the path we take."

The prisoner nodded. "OK, I'll hear you out before I make any decision."

"That's good to hear, Major." Une sat down opposite Sally. "It was blind luck that you came to my attention. I'm sure that things could easily have gone differently and we would never have met. I know what you're thinking, what could possibly have been the catalyst for this meeting?"

Sally shrugged as she chewed the sandwich. "I don't know."

"It was one little report. A report on a Gundam-"

"So you've met Heero Yuy?" the Major interrupted. Now it made sense why she was here.

"Yes," the Colonel confirmed. "Your report is not what I would consider to be a full dossier, though I thought it thoroughly intriguing."

"Well, I only managed to spend a brief amount of time with him. There's a lot about him for us to discover."

"Us?"

"Clearly you need my help dealing with Heero Yuy. Otherwise, I'd be in a prison camp or dead. So what is it that you want my help with?" Sally asked.

"I… well… Heero is…" Une was uncharacteristically flustered. She coughed to allow herself the chance to compose her thoughts better. "Colonel Treize Khushrenada is planning to duel Heero Yuy to determine who is the better pilot."

"I can see why the Colonel wishes to pit his skills against Heero."

"Yes, but Treize is destined for great things and I cannot allow him to die before his greatness is realised."

The prisoner shifted in her seat slightly. "And what do you want from me?"

"You are the person who knows Heero Yuy the best, can he be trusted not to kill Treize in a duel?"

"Traditionally, duels are not safe activities. Heero is an intense young man, one that I can see getting carried away in the heat of battle," Sally replied. "If you don't want Treize to die in a duel, you should keep him from taking part in them."

"I can't deny Treize anything," Une admitted. "But I still worry about him."

"Understandable," Sally nodded. She took a swig of water. "I know that I would feel the same way if I was in a similar position."

"However, I'm also not sure that I can allow Heero to die in a duel."

Une noticed that Sally also didn't like the idea of Heero dying any time soon.

"There's more to this than whether or not you feel you can trust Heero Yuy, Lady Une. Tell me what it is and I'll help if I can."

"You are in no position to make demands!" The Colonel realised that she'd snapped at the prisoner. "I meant to say that this is a delicate situation. Treize and Heero will have their duel one way or another, but I'll need your help to keep them both safe. Please, tell me something about Heero that wasn't in your report."

Sally could see that Lady Une really was a fellow woman of culture. "I believe that Heero Yuy is the product of a eugenics project."

"Eugenics?"

"Yes," the major nodded. "Genetic engineering, through either gene manipulation or selective breeding suggests that Heero Yuy could be the progenitor of a new phase of humanity. If, and that's a big if, if he survives long enough."

Une pondered this theory. It seemed to fit the available facts they had on Heero. Yes, there had to have been some extensive training to get Heero to his skill level, but a normal human, even if they'd been trained since they were a toddler couldn't have reached Heero's level via training alone.

"And how would you prove such a theory?"

"You could run some genetic tests on a tissue sample," Sally answered. "Though, I can think of a better way…"

The Colonel cast a sceptical look at the Major. "And you think you could be that person?"

"I wish," the prisoner sighed. "I could honestly see myself living off the land with Heero in a farmstead or cottage somewhere far away from civilisation as we raised our family together. Heero would be a good father. At least genetically speaking."

'Children with Heero?' Une thought. She'd only ever thought about having Treize's children, and even then, it was after too much wine and those thoughts quickly focused on making the children. "Wait, what's stopping you?"

"His mission and the fact that we'd have to keep running. It wouldn't be right to raise a child or three on the run."

"Child or three?"

"Heero is the sort that has manly needs that channelled in ways that aren't violent," Sally smiled wistfully. "And I'm sure that with the correct coaching, he could pleasure a woman all night long."

"All night long…" Une murmured. Treize had politely rejected her advances, not even kissing her hand after a dance. 'Treize has always tried to be a gentleman. He's the epitome of nobility and manners. Does he even have the kind of need that we're talking about here? Would it be better to use Heero?'

Using Heero Yuy like that would be wrong. He was the enemy. He was still a child in the eyes of the law. He was also clearly lusted after by this woman opposite her. Une tried to muster the indignation to chide Sally Po, but she recalled that she had footage of Heero naked.

It was a battle between the ensuring the plans of the man she loved versus sating her own desires.

Common sense dictated that she should follow Treize's ideals, even if it meant denying part of her own personality.

Besides which, Heero already had a suitor in Relena Peacecraft. Relena was a better match all round. They were the same age, they weren't on opposite sides of this conflict.

"Wait, doesn't Heero dislike Relena?"

"Hmm?" Sally asked, looking up from her sandwich.

"Sorry, just thinking aloud," Une said. She removed her glasses and rubbed her eyes. "So, how big is this homestead of yours?"

"Men like Heero are few and far between, however I'm not naive enough to believe that it would just be the two of us. If my theory about him being a progenitor is right, then he would have certain inclinations that were they in a lesser man, they would be unforgivable and intolerable."

"What are you saying?"

"In short, Heero Yuy would have to have a harem."

Lucrezia Noin sat in her room pondering things. She'd felt a little giddy after thinking about Heero Yuy wearing nothing but a coating of olive oil, but that hadn't been the first time she'd thought about naked men.

Hell, the incident in the bath wasn't even the first time she'd seen a man in the nude. There had been the time when she'd caught Zechs changing out of his flight suit.

Zechs Marquise had a more developed physique, the Lieutenant recalled. It was something she decided was due to his age, he was a few years older than Heero, after all. But even now, there was something that the memory seemed to lack.

It had only been a few months ago and the sight of Heero had happened earlier that day, but the freshness of the memories couldn't account for why she thought about the Gundam pilot more.

Over the course of their knowing each other, Noin had flirted with Zechs and he'd seemed to respond when it wouldn't have reflected badly on either of them. But that hadn't been very often. Most of the time, he'd shown concern for her well-being.

'Like a big brother,' she mused. 'Not surprising, given that he is actually a big brother to Relena. Even so, it wasn't right that he would be so oblivious to my advances.'

Noin fell flat back on her bed, the mattress giving a gentle "pomf" sound and looked up at the ceiling, hoping that there would be some kind of answer to be found there. Zechs hadn't told her not to flirt with him, so he didn't dislike their interactions.

"Maybe I should try to make him jealous?" she asked the ceiling. "I could try flirting with another man. But who? Flirting with Treize would make me look like I'm trying to get ahead by sleeping with my superior officers."

Noin turned to look out the window. "What about Heero?"

It was a bad idea. As a Gundam pilot, Heero Yuy was the enemy. Not only that, Zechs' sister liked him. It would complicate matters for her to flirt with Heero.

And Zechs had the inquest into his behaviour to deal with. He was too busy to deal with her affections right now.

'He's been too busy to deal with them for years,' a small voice told the Lieutenant. 'If you do this, you'll know how Zechs feels one way or the other. What's the worst that could happen?'

"What is the worst that could happen?" Noin asked aloud. "That I go on a date with Heero Yuy? Fuck it, I'll give it a go."

After Heero had retired for the evening, Zechs and Treize were discussing the Gundam pilot and how he and his peers would affect their plans for the future.

"He's a skilled pilot," Zechs confirmed. "But why are you keeping him and his Gundam around?"

Treize smiled. "He said something earlier that intrigued me. It gave me an idea."

"Oh?"

"The goal of world peace is a noble one. However, the end of wars does not mean that there will be an end to conflict." Treize picked up his coffee cup. "We have come along in leaps and bounds in reducing the causes of conflict between people and nations, however, I cannot see a time without conflict that results in people still having their freedoms. To deny people their freedoms is to store up resentment for the future.

"Resentment leads to disharmony, disharmony to dispute and dispute to conflict. We would find ourselves repeating that endless waltz of warfare, reconstruction, opportunism and further conflict."

Zechs considered his friend's words. Khushrenada made a lot of sense. "And what would be the solution to such things?"

"Once world peace has been achieved, I was thinking that we would maintain a standing army for enforcement of rules, but conflicts between nations would be resolved using more refined methods," Treize answered. "In sort, duels between mobile suits instead of wars with mobile suits."

The masked man considered this idea. "It would require a great deal of effort to gain traction between governments on Earth and in the Colonies. It does run the risk of creating legal precedent that one could ask for 'trial by combat' in order to resolve everything from a tax bill to a border dispute."

"The rules for when and where one could resolve a matter with a mobile suite duel would be codified in law. I do not think it would be appropriate to defend oneself from a murder charge with a duel, where one risks killing one's opponent."

"There is also the risk of an arms race as nations develop the optimum duelling suit. Gundanium alloy would have to be highly regulated," Zechs added. "This is an idea that warrants further exploration. It could save a great deal of bloodshed and wasted resources if we were to settle conflicts in such a manner."

"So you would be interested in being an official duellist for OZ?" Treize asked with a knowing smile.

Zechs rose to his feet and stood to attention. "Sir, I would be honoured to perform such a task for you. I formally apologise for my actions in Antarctica. After I finally resolved a long standing personal issue, I allowed my judgement to become clouded after an encounter with a superior mobile suit. I now realise that your solution to warfare would be the future I desire."

"I'm glad to hear this, but we still have the matter of your punishment for your insubordination. There are those that wish to see your court-martial lead to an execution, but I feel that would damage OZ and we need to remain strong while the war continues," Treize opined. "I will do what I can for you, but there will be consequences for your actions. You may find yourself demoted several ranks after a brief period of incarceration."

The blonde man bowed deeply. "I will accept whatever punishment I am due and will do all I can to make things easy for yourself and OZ."

"Excellent, now it's time to retire as we have much to discuss tomorrow in the bath."

Heero Yuy had spend the night sleeping under his bed. He didn't trust OZ enough to allow himself a luxury that exposed him to potential assailants like that. Besides, the floor was plenty of comfort for him.

There was a knock on the door.

Upon opening it, the Gundam pilot saw that it was Lieutenant Noin standing there with a slightly unsure look on her face.

"Ah, good morning, Heero. I've come to escort you to the bath."

"Bath?"

"Yes, Colonel Treize's orders are for you to bathe with him and Colonel Zechs before breakfast. Apparently, they have something they wanted to discuss with you."

"Lead the way," Heero shrugged. The Roman bathing experience hadn't been unpleasant, aside from the light-headedness he'd felt in the sauna. But now that he knew what to expect, he could prepare himself for the effects of the heat.

Noin nodded and started to walk down the corridor, allowing a gentle sway to her gait. Heero found himself noting that while the tails of her coat covered most of her thighs, the movement of her hips was still visible.

He wondered why she was walking in a slightly different way today. To him it was inefficient with its wasted motion and it attracted attention. Now that Heero thought about it, Noin's chest seemed different. Had she trapped a nerve in her back and this new posture was the only way to go about her day without too much pain?

"Is everything alright, Lieutenant Noin?"

"What do you mean, Heero?"

"Your movements aren't the same as they were yesterday. Are you in pain?"

Noin was glad that Heero had noticed her sway, but was also upset that he had misunderstood it. 'I guess that if you focus on being a mobile suit pilot you have to neglect certain skills.'

"I'm fine, Heero."

"Then why are you walking differently and why did you wince when you answered my question?" Heero asked, folding his arms across his chest. "We're not going any further until you answer me."

"Why would you care about my well-being? You're an enemy soldier," the Lieutenant shot back. "You should be sabotaging everything and everyone you can!"

The Gundam pilot shrugged. "Maybe my new plan is to ingratiate myself with OZ and then destroy it from within. Surely that would be a more effective strategy than allowing a fellow mobile suit pilot to suffer from a trapped nerve."

"A Trojan horse?" Treize asked, walking up to the pilots. "It's a classic tactic, though I wonder who would fall for it these days?"

"Colonel Treize," Noin said, snapping to attention. Heero noticed that while it was the same posture as the salute from yesterday, there was something different about the contours of Noin's chest.

'I don't think it's a different sized tunic.'

"I want to know, Lieutenant, are you injured?" the Colonel asked. "It's important for you to maintain your health and if required, you should visit the medical staff."

"I'm fine, sir," the Lieutenant insisted. She wilted slightly under his gaze. "I'm sorry, sir, the pillows are too soft for my tastes. I'm used to more functional accommodation."

Noin had now gone up in Heero's estimation. She was clearly the sort to put aside personal discomfort to carry out her mission. It was an admirable trait, one that was lacking in the most troublesome of his fellow Gundam pilots, Duo Maxwell.

"Treize, do not be hard on the Lieutenant. She's a good soldier who was only trying to do the right thing," Heero said.

Treize considered the words from the teenager. "I have to agree, Heero."

The Colonel looked around and saw that they were alone. "I wouldn't normally extend this offer, Lieutenant, but you are welcome to join us in the bath this morning. I feel you would benefit from a massage. It would be the least we could do seeing as you were injured in the course of your duties."

Noin was about to decline the generous offer when she realised that it would give her the chance to flirt with Zechs. And if that didn't work, she could always go with her original jealousy plan. "If you insist, Sir. What about Lady Une?"

It was then that Zechs Marquise arrived. "Good morning all."

"Zechs," Treize said after the greetings had been exchanged, "I need to speak to the Lieutenant in private for a moment. Please take Heero to the baths."

"Of course, Sir."

When they were alone, Treize spoke again. "Lieutenant, about Lady Une."

"Sir?"

"How should I put this… Are you familiar with the concept of the bawdy farce? Things like clothes falling off and walking in on people when they're in compromising situations?"

"I'm aware of that happening in movies and TV, but I wasn't aware that was the term used," Noin admitted.

"Well, Lady Une has a knack for turning something normal and innocent like bathing into a bawdy farce. On more than one occasion she's held a towel for me, only to somehow trip on it and land on top of me," the Colonel said.

"I was under the impression that Lady Une has excellent motor control and was quite graceful."

"She has to pour drinks at least two metres away from me, otherwise she spills them on me or herself. It's most disconcerting that these things happen unless there are three other people in the room."

Noin blinked. By the way Treize described things, it seemed that Lady Une was some kind of a sexual deviant. 'Then again, it does explain why she was so insistent on us filming Heero and Treize in the bath yesterday,' she thought. She looked up at the Colonel. 'Best not mention that to him now.'

"Sir, I will try to avoid situations where Lady Une might fall victim to such unfortunate circumstances around you."

"Thank you, Lieutenant."

Colonel Lady Une had heard that Zechs, Treize and Heero were to discuss a new idea for the future of warfare that morning. It was just the sort of thing that she would have liked to sit in on and had asked about the location of the meeting.

"The bath?"

"That's the message I got from Colonel Zechs, ma'am," the officer on duty replied.

"I see. Well, thank you."

The baths were out of bounds to Lady Une when Treize was using them. Rather than having her become the object of rumour and ridicule, Treize had given the order to Une personally and as unofficially as he could have.

'All because I fell on him when he was naked a few times,' she thought sadly. Une wanted Treize to see her as more than an assistant, as the woman who would bear him strong children. Sadly, it seemed that he was uninterested in her in that way. As she left the command centre, a thought occurred to her. 'I have footage of Treize naked!'

She thought back to the footage of the naked man in the bath and resolved to examine it further in her private office.

Then she had another thought. 'I still have the surveillance equipment and that hole in the bath… I can get more footage and learn about their conversation!'

It was a great idea. It would help her with Treize's plan for the future and it would allow her to spy on the manly specimen she was destined to bear the children of.

To be continued…