A/N: Here you guys go :] After the annoying author note, some of you are probably annoyed at me. Sorry! I'll just mention shit in these A/N from now on. I have revised 3 chapters. The first is the prologue but I just fixed little mistakes. The first chapter and second chapter I added around 2,000 words in so yeah haha new stuff to check out :]. For every new chapter I'll revise three chapters until I get caught up.
Disclaimer: Don't own Hetalia.
Deke the Parents: The Benchwarmers
"Luh-ame." Flip
"Stoopid." Shuffle.
"Idiot," Gilbert mumbled as he flipped through another piece of paper on his lap. They were the photos and information of the boys trying out at the moment. There were about 25ish papers all together.
Pulling out a black permanent marker from his hockey pants, he used his teeth to pull the lid off with a pop. He then began to scribble over the face giving them mustaches, unibrows and stink lines.
"He's a douche," Mathias also inputted, leaning over the albino to point. They were all sitting on the boards except for the Dane who was leaning over them. He had pointed to the headshot of a short-haired blonde that hit him in the face with a dodgeball during fifth period gym class yesterday. It gave him a bloody nose and he got shit from his mother since 'blood is a bitch to get out of clothe'.
Lars leaned over their shoulders to steal a peek. "His sister is hot though." He made a gesture in front of his chest like he was squeezing something with a lewd expression.
"His sister is in grade nine and is thirteen!"
"What?" he blinked "No!" Lars denied, looking shock at the proclamation. A few years may not seem like a big difference but in high school it is. His friends were going to tease him more about his 'lolicon' fetish. It wasn't his fault that some of the freshmens were well-endowed and looked older for their age. The others just looked like little elementary school kids huddling in the middle of the frickin' hallway making it difficult for the other grades to get passed them. Little bastards.
"You're such a pedo," Gilbert and Mathias both said simultaneously before snickering at Lars' protests.
They spent the next five minutes commenting on the player's pictures and their moms while the try-outs were stretching and warming up. Matthew was nowhere to be seen.
The rest of the Polar Bears had finished practice and were shitting around the rink. They were also there to observe the try-out. For some reason Mattie gave them air horns before he ran off somewhere.
Gilbert, Mathias, Lars (with a caged helmet and the top half of him protected with Mathias' equipment that he chucked off), and Ivan took residence in the 'Home' box. The hockey players stripped down to their waist, ridding them of the sweaty equipment. Lars, being paranoid of getting a hockey puck to the throat, had stolen their equipment and suited up. He made a few comments on the sweaty and stinky state of the pads.
The rest of the team decided to seize the opportunity and headed up to one of the sky box where the luxury seatings were. The boys from the Baltic countries took the chance at getting away from the Russian. Felik followed Toris, who was dragged to the try-out and for some reason was measured by Ivan's sister with a tape measure? Vash just wanted to sit in the plush chairs and ignore the other idiots in the room.
Erik, Tino and Lucas headed towards the box that held the announcers.
Berwald was still suited up and chilling in the net with his arms slung over the top bar with his head hung back as he observed the others.
Another five minutes flew by. The players on the ice were skating around and practice shooting at the net when they neared it. So far nobody got one past the Swede.
Finally the sound of the rink's door opening and hitting the boards sounded over the chatter of everybody.
Matthew stepped onto the ice bashfully, mumbling an apology for being late. Despite his goody two shoes look, Matthew was often tardy for appointments or practices. He skated over to the guys without closing the door behind him.
"Sorry Sorry Sorry," he apologized again before plopping down onto the ice beside them to start on stretching just to be sure that he wouldn't pull anything (he already had practice) and wanted an excuse to hang with his friends even if it was for a few extra minutes.
"Where are the coaches?" Ivan asked, looking around to see if they had showed up with their captain.
"Uh… Well Coach Vargas is on a date with Miss Karpusi and told me that I was in charge of the try-outs."
"Isn't that Hercules' mom? She's smoking hot! That lucky bastard!" All the guys voiced their envy and jealousy. Wasn't he just on a date with Miss. Hassan?
"Well where is Coach Beilschmidt then?"
"My dad is at my brother's soccer game," answered Gilbert. His eyes were downcast, looking at the papers but Matthew could see the eye roll from his seat on the ice. Sibling rivalry… Matthew totally understood. Well kind of. His family didn't even know that he was in the 'competition'.
"Why aren't you playing right now, Lars?" Matthew asked after hearing the news that there was a soccer game that night.
"I had an argument with Mr. Fernandez-Carriedo and called him a pedo for flirting with Lovino and he suspended me from one game." The Dutch boy looked annoyed.
"Hey, Mr. Pot. You got a little black right here," Gilbert teased, rubbing his nose. Lars just flipped him off with a scoff.
"Speaking of Lovino, isn't that him over there?" Mathias pointed to a scowling Italian on skates.
Matthew felt the blade of a skate nudge the top of his helmet as he stretched his legs. "Looks like someone else besides you has daddy issues, Birdie," Gilbert teased. He began kesese'ing but that turned into a squawk when his leg was pulled and he found himself on his ass on the ice.
"I do not have daddy issues. Aaand you shouldn't talk," Matthew stuck out his tongue, biting it when Gilbert pounced on him.
"Guh!" Mattie than found his wrist pinned on either side of his head with the albino sitting on his chest. His eyes widened when he heard the noise a person makes when they hock a loogie. Except that Gilbert wasn't planning on hocking his spit. When the poor Canadian turned his head, he went cross-eyed as he stared at the long string of spit dangling in his face. "GUH!" he shouted out before bursting into laughter and trying to squirm away.
Gilbert murmured something but he couldn't say it properly because of the loogie but Matthew assumed it was something along the lines of 'say you're sorry and that I'm awesome!"
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! And you're awesome so slurp it back up!" he finally conceded after a minute of struggle.
With a smug smirk, Gilbert slurped it back up but not without the end slapping him in the face.
"So where were yo-"the question suddenly died on his tongue as he felt 25 sets of eyes on him. Matthew turned around and cussed. He totally forgot that he was already late which probably meant that they were all ready to go.
"Shit!" he tossed Gilbert off of him and rose up with his back facing them. He had a panic look that he threw at his friend but after a breath it was transformed into cold indifference. They wouldn't take him seriously if he was a meek stuttering doormat.
He skated over. It almost looked like a swagger on ice.
"Hey it's Alfred! Why are you here? Aren't you the captain of the football team?" a boy questioned, looking confused.
EEEEEEEEEEAH!
The loud noise startled everybody judging from the lurch of their shoulders and widening eyes. Matthew lowered the air horn in his left hand. The Canadian had to count to ten slowly.
"When any of the team blows their horns and call out your number than that means that you've been cut…soo number-" he squinted to see what number was taped on his helmet "78 you can go home."
The boy just stared in shock for a whole minute before listlessly gliding off in a dazed state. Gilbert double checked to see if the boy's name was highlighted on his paper before crossing it out and putting it down to start a 'cut' pile. It wouldn't do them good if they cut one of the few people they deem worthy of being on their team. Luckily the boy wasn't marked.
"I'm his brother. Matthew Williams." he finished calmly to gain their attention back.
"Who?" a boy frowned, his eyebrows crumpled as he was blunt with his question.
EEEEEEEEEAH!
Matthew let go of the button on top. His eye was twitching not too unlike Raivis after too much caffeine. The boy threw his stick on the ground, cursing. After his little temper tantrum, which were amusing to the audience on the sideline, he also joined the first boy in the dressing room.
Scratch! Another unmarked name was checked off with a smirk.
Im Yong Soo waved at him. Even his practice jersey was baggy on him so the sleeves went past his wrist. Leon just stared passively at him, waiting for instructions.
"Hey! Can we eliminate people too?" Mathias shouted, waving his air horn to catch Matthew's attention. All the guys started cheering when Mattie nodded.
A few of the try-outs gulped.
"You guys are trying out to be Polar Bears," it was an obvious statement but it brought their attention back from staring in fear at the laughing maniacs in the box. "I'm gonna tell you now. We aren't looking for anymore goons. We have enough of them." The idiots sitting on the boards gave a cheerful wave at the mention of them.
"What we are looking for are second string players" he looked around and all the faces didn't look surprised at that fact. They didn't pass the first try-outs so they couldn't bitch about it. Hell they were lucky to be given a second chance. "When one of those morons-" he pointed his thumb to the waving morons "get kicked out from fighting, penalty or have game suspension then you will have to cover for them." They all nodded in understanding. Some looked put out and a few looked relieved. The Asians gave him thumbs up.
"Sure if you could body check or fight like Ivan than maybe I'll be impressed and reconsider but those chances are slim. What we're looking for is agility and stick handling. Both factors will be needed for a power play or to score." Those who looked put out brightened at that.
"This is how we're going to do it today," he brought two fingers up to his mouth and whistled. A loud 'Desu-yo~!' was heard along with the clacking of skates against the flooring. A familiar short figure stood in the doorway with a wide grin and striking a heroic pose much like Alfred's.
It was Peter Kirkland in his full uniform.
"How come you left the door open? I was supposed to slam it open in a grand entrance!" he whined, a pout forming on his lips.
"Why is there a little kid on the ice?" someone asked warily, staring at the air horn with nervous eyes.
"Hey! I'm going to be a Polar Bear captain and we're going to be number one and I'm going to score the most goals ever!" A few were caught off guard at Peter's declaration.
"This is Peter. He's a twelve year old with some skills and like he said there is no doubt that one day he'll definitely be a Polar Bear." The small blonde boy gave a triumphant grin at the acknowledgment. "If he outskates you or scores more goals than you or is able to take the puck away from you than you're cut." It was the quickest way he could think of to do the try-outs. He told his family that he went to Gilbert's house for a video game night. He didn't have all night to spend here at the rink. He also had a persuasive essay to do…
There were murmurs amongst the crowd.
"Horse shoe."
It was the easiest shooting exercise. The group began to make a semi-circle formation around the goalie. They had to split up into two groups and switch off after every round.
As soon as the last person took a shot the air horns began blasting.
EAAAAHH!
"Number 52! I don't like your face!" Mathias shouted out at the dodgeball thrower.
"Number 88! You smell funny!" Gilbert yelled out to a boy who called him a freak the other day.
"Number 37! You won't let me look off your test in history!" Lars had leant over and pressed Gilbert's horn again.
"What? You're not even on the team! You can't kick me off!" the boy screamed, throwing his hands in the air.
"I am too! I'm the water boy!"
The boy looked at Matthew for confirmation.
"That is true. He is the water boy," Matthew said. "He's an es-" he was going to make a comment about how Lars was vital to the team and that his opinion mattered but he was interrupted.
A static noise echoed in the stadium before a monotone voice crackled over the system.
"Number 22… You're annoying," Lukas said very bluntly. Erik's voice could be heard in the background scolding him for being so direct. Lukas didn't care. Nobody gets away with saying his hair pin was girly.
All the aforementioned players started fighting on the issue, trying to argue that it wasn't fair to judge them after one shot. They would've continued fighting but they promptly stopped and fled when Ivan got up and started making his way over.
"We are such petty bitches! And I fucking love it!"Gilbert shouted with glee, clapping his hands like a retarded seal. The try-outs gulped after hearing that the team had no problem with cutting them if they didn't like them personally.
Matthew was okay with this. He didn't want douchebags on his team. He needed a team that gets along and is able to work well together. What good is a team if they had conflict within the dressing room?
He also needed players that would be able to handle the insanity that is his team…
Maybe it was the clipboard and whistle around his neck that made him feel like such a badass and maybe the power was going to his head but fuck it. This was his team and he was going to make it awesome.
TWEET!
"Next round."
"This is going to be a long night, da?" Ivan smiled before reaching into his the bulky hockey pants that makes everybody's butts look big and pulled ou bottle of vodka. Holding the bottle between his thighs, he unscrewed the top of his water bottle and tossed the remaining water onto the ice.
"We shall make it more enjoyable, yeah?" his smile crinkled his eyes as he poured the alcohol into the white bottle.
"Fuck yeah!" the other three cheered, holding out their water bottles too.
Everyone looked up when they heard music. It sounded like a very familiar tune started playing.
"I'm going down to South Park. Gonna have myself a time~"
South Park was playing on the Jumbotron. He pinched the bridge of his nose and gave a quiet sigh.
He looked over to computer room and saw Eduard bent over a keyboard and tapping away while staring intently on the screen, pushing buttons. He was hacking into the system and playing the show. Knowing him he would've probably been able to put up a movie that wasn't even in theatres yet with those mad skills of his. He had Lukas and Erik looking over his shoulders, glancing at the Jumbo-tron occasionally.
When he peered at the luxury box he almost clutched his face in exasperation. They were already munching on stale popcorn that they probably jacked from the concession stand that was no doubt locked up. He didn't even question how they got into the canteen. He knew his team knew how to pick locks and hack into systems.
He couldn't really blame them. They had the huge stadium to themselves. This didn't happen very often so might as well fuck around.
Hopefully the TV show would distract some of the players and he could cut them. As harsh as it seemed, he really wanted to get this over and done with. Maybe he could have a day or two before another problem was thrown at him. Maybe a surprised drug test or more family issues.
He probably should go see the optometrist about that eye twitch.
Two hours and four drunk assholes later.
They were finally down to ten people. The Asians had so far avoided elimination and surprisingly Lovino was also holding in. There did numerous drills that mostly involved shooting, stick handling and agility. Peter had gotten rid of a few 'B' players and a few that were highlighted on Gilbert's papers.
"Work hard, Bobby Lee!" Mathias screamed at Im Yong Soo as he skated by, too drunk to care if the boy got the reference or not.
"Who's Bobby Lee?" the Korean stopped in front of Matthew and asked since he was still sober and was probably the best person to understand a drunk Gilbert and his humor.
"A Korean comedy actor on MADtv. You don't want to be called that since he's basically the butt of every joke on that show," Matthew answered without looking away from the players. He didn't want to miss an opportunity to eliminate someone. A few more gone and he'll be able to make a decision based on skills and compatibility with his team. He was planning on getting them back on the ice but with the state they were in it would just be a waste of time. The three idiots and one psycho were currently singing the Bad touch song and making obscene gestures at him. He snorted at Gilbert's pelvic thrusting.
The TV show had ended and Eduard had hooked up a graphic tablet to the computer and had brought up Mathias' hockey photo for Lukas. Lukas seemed to be enjoying himself (who could tell with his lack of facial expressions?) as he doodled on the Dane's face. He had already drawn a mustache and a unibrow with stink lines.
"I mustache you a question, how would you think I would look if I did actually grow facial hair?" Mathias asked out loud, stroking his smooth chin.
"Let me mullet over," replied Gilbert. They both burst out laughing like it was the funniest thing ever. And after a water bottle full of vodka, it was. In the midst of his laughing fit, Lars toppled backwards and onto the floor. Luckily he was on the door to the box and landed on the rubber flooring without hitting the back of his head on the bench which would hurt like a bitch in the morning despite the helmet.
Matthew, seeing the whole ordeal, chewed on his whistle and watched with an unimpressed expression before calmly skating over and putting the helmets back on the other three intoxicated morons. He didn't want them anymore brain dead than they already were.
He whistled again which caused his four team mates to whistle back. Mathias wolf whistled, Gilbert tweeted? Ivan just whistled as loud as he can and Lars was too drunk to whistle and ended up just blowing a raspberry. Covering two of their mouths with his hands and somehow quieting the other two, he called for a water break which was met with 'thank you, god!' and 'oh my god, yes!' from the exhausted players. Peter was bent over, huffing and puffing as he held his knees. Berwald (his babysitter on weekends) skated over and handed the bottle he kept at his net to the tired boy.
"Laaaaaaaaaaaa-vinoooooOOOOoh~!" Gilbert sang out, elongating the Italian's name more than necessary. Lovino was skating by looking like he was going to drop dead any seconds.
"What the hell do you want, Potato bastards number two?"
Lars scrunched his eyebrows in perplexity. Did he call Gilbert shit since number two means crap? But wasn't that a prudish way of saying it? Wasn't the Italian known for swearing? He said 'Bastard' or 'Damnit' every second word, didn't he?
"Don't hurt yourself, Lars," mumbled Matthew as he passed by and saw the scrunched up concentrated face he had on.
He was way too drunk to be thinking this hard. Sober Lars will figure it out if Hungover Lars remembers it tomorrow morning. Stoned Lars would definitely find the solution. He was as good at philosophy as Hercules.
"I'm never number two! The awesome me is always number one!" Gilbert yelled out.
Lovino just rolled his eyes. At least this potato bastard wasn't tainting his pure little brother. Although he could do without the hugs that Gilbert sometimes assaults Feli with.
"What do you want?" the Italian finally relented, too tired to bitch out the others.
"Aren't you like a soccer player? Shouldn't you be at the game?"
"I couldn't since the try-outs were tonight," he snapped, his cheeks turning redder and redder.
"B-but why hic are you trying out for hockey?" Mathias looked confused. Sure Lars hung out with them but he was an exception to soccer and hockey players disliking each other.
"He has daddy issues~" teased Gilbert, giggling and swinging his legs like an ecstatic little kid.
"You guys do not handle vodka that well." Matthew watched them clap like retarded seals and bang their legs against the board. Ivan was the only one not to be affected all that much. He was just grinning at the others antics, happy that it was so lively. Mathias and Gilbert could drink their weights in beer but the hard liquor sure did hit them hard when they downed it like water.
"Shut up, bastard," hissed Lovino, his eyes narrowing at the albino's words. The gloves grew tighter on his stick indicating that he was clenching his fists. "That's not it at all! I just don't want conditioning work-outs every day until the next soccer season!"
"No no don't worry! Matthew and Gilbert have daddy issues too," Mathias reassured the fuming boy much to the aforementioned chagrin who both tried to argue that they weren't.
"Ooooh! I see! That's why he's dating the Spanish teacher!" Lars exclaimed wide-eyed, hitting his fist against his palm like he just had a revelation.
"Huh?"
"Well you know girls who have daddy issues always date older guys or are just slutty? And they date older guys that look like their fathers. I think it's like trying to find a replacement for their dads who didn't love them or approved of them or some shit like that." Lars lifted up the water bottle to squirt the liquid into his mouth but all that came out was a little 'ppshft' sound. He made a little 'aw' noise in the back of his throat.
"Mr. C does have brown hair like your fathers,' the poked fun at the flustered boy. They knew he was Italian and a soccer player to boot so the chances of him throwing fists were slim. Hell him and Lars both go withering on the ground clutching their shins if anything remotely touches their legs. Typical soccer players.
The boy just sputtered for a moment before he went into a minute long swearing rant that cussed all their mothers and them until he was panting for breath. The angry outburst received a polite golf clap from the thoroughly impressed offence line. The Italian skated off in a huff.
"I should get back too. I don't want to be here all night," Matthew mumbled before giving a sigh and skating off.
He really wanted to watch the new episode of 'Family Guy' that night which he wouldn't be able to unless he started cutting people.
With that in mind he set off with a determined glint in his eyes.
10 devastated hockey players later:
He decided to make them do a shoot out to get rid of a few more. If you make the shot than you're safe and could wait on the side and get another water break. The last two were getting the shaft.
"-and then I kicked the Pringles can and it ricocheted off the garbage can and nicked me on the forehead. And that my friends is how I got my scar," Lars proclaimed, tapping his forehead with an odd sense of pride. "There was blood gushing everywhere! It even got on my sister." Obnoxious laughter echoed in the stadium.
"What do you tell girls who ask?" Matthew asked with a knowing smile.
"Ninja star," he admitted with a sheepish laugh. The others joined in. Of course he wasn't going to tell cute girls what an idiot he was. She could find that out later.
Shaking his head with a small smile, Mattie lifted himself up so that he could sit beside the others as they observed the try-out. So far, due to their petty attitude and the lack of skills, more than half the boys that showed up were already cut.
He blew the whistle and called out the numbers for the remaining two. Peter was the third last to make it which probably meant that the boys left were most likely above his skill levels. He shouted another order which was meant with whining that was instantly silence when he lifted the horn.
Reaching the five minute mark, he had air horned 5 boys for falling behind Peter. This exercise was dreaded by everyone on the team since it was so redundant and tiring. It was just skating up to the first line and back. Thaaan you skate to the next line passed the first line and then back again. So on and so on until you reached the end and most likely had to repeat the process since their coaches were sadists.
Matthew blinked. Grimacing, he realized that his eye contacts were getting dry and were irritating the eye. He tried blinking a few times but it didn't seem like it was helping. He decided to close his eyes for a moment to give them a rest.
That lasted 30 seconds.
"You must be brain dead!" an irritated voice rang out that had a tinge of a German accent. Gilbert and Elizaveta (who had shown up after the girl's try-out at the other rink) were arguing again about some ridiculous thing. "You probably got so stupid from the back of your head hitting the headrest of the bed too many times."
'Oooooh's and 'oh no he just did not!' were heard from the watching audience that they had.
"You bastard!" she huffed, smacking his upper arm in annoyance.
"What? I don't get it," a voice with a tinge of a Latvian accent in it piped up from behind them. Raivis had come down to refill his coffee mug and decided to stop by to see what the other guys were talking about. Whatever it was, it sounded interesting.
"He called her a stupid slut," Ivan clued him in a cheerful voice. Visibly brightening up when the small defenseman came around.
"He's not very nice to her," Raivis scrunched his eyebrows in confusion before taking a large sip from his coffee mug. It had York flavored creamer in it.
"It's just how they are. She insults him all the time too. It's basically an 'I love you' in denial talk so don't mind them," Lars clarified. They turned away from the bickering 'couple'. A distinct 'Ping!' rang out as a skillet collided with Gilbert's skull. German cursing promptly followed after with much dancing on the spot while he clutched the growing bump on his head.
"You better watch your back, Gilbert!" she warned, welding her trusting cooking utensil in her hand.
"Yeah? Well you should spend less time on yours," he snapped back, crossing his arms with a 'humph'.
There were much 'oh snaps' and 'ho damn's from the crowd. The Hungarian had to laugh along with them since it was a pretty good comeback.
"I find nothing wrong with how they interact," Mattie admitted. He constantly saw this at home.
"That's because your love role models are French and English and are constantly insulting each other and trying to choke the other one out." Lars looked highly amused at Matthew's programmed definition of love. One of the downsides of living in a dysfunctional family.
"So a normal couple doesn't act like that?" Matthew looked genuinely blown away with that statement.
"I'm buying you a book," he mumbled, poking the Canadian in the nose. "I am actually concerned about your upbringing," the Dutch boy said, shaking his head with a little laugh.
"Why? because I have two dads?" Matthew asked, his voice held a threatening undertone to his words.
"No. It's because your dads are crazy," Lars said simply. Matthew couldn't argue with him on that.
Matthew was going to retort with a comment of the Dutch's dysfunctional family but dry heaving cut him off. They all looked up to see someone bent over with his gloves on his knees trying to puke up his supper. Thankfully nothing came up and Matthew decided to let them stop for a water break. He got rid a few players so the exercise served its purpose. He called for a stop and ordered another water break which almost brought the boys to tears of happiness.
His attention was brought back to the bickering duo. Gilbert was trying to make the conversation more hush but was not succeeding. He then tried to convince to have the discussion in private.
"Just consider it please? It'll be awesome" Elizaveta purred, trying to coax whatever she was trying to get Gilbert to do with his favourite word. Gilbert just scowled at her. Why couldn't she ask him when he was sober or possibly somewhere private? Was she hoping that he wouldn't make a scene in front of their friends? He was drunk so of course he was going to make a fuss.
"Red rover." Gilbert glanced away, a blush lighting his pale skin. The girl squealed in joy, bouncing up and down before giving him a hug. A quick kiss to his cheek and she was off giggling with the other girls.
"See now, little bunny," Matthew frowned slightly at the cute nickname "that is how couples should act. That's normal." Lars nodded in his wise stoner way. He then scrunched his forehead after a thought "but it's not normal for those two…" he mumbled before screwing his face into a pout from the sourness of the skittles he just munched on. Matthew had to agree with him on that. Those two weren't even a couple.
"What do you think 'Red Rover' means?" Mathias leaned in between the two sitting boys. He was stroking his imaginary beard. He was perplexed at why the two words got the Hungarian so excited. It even made her sport a nosebleed. Wasn't it just a children's game that little kids played in elementary school? Were they planning on playing it naked?
"I'm kinda curious too," admitted Lars, watching the German drink heavily from his water bottle. He tossed a handful of skittles into his mouth.
"I'm pretty sure it's a code word," Matthew speculated, a thoughtful look on his face. The other two gave him a blank look for a moment before their eyebrows slowly rose up in piqued interest.
"Code word?" they asked together. They had a ton of those amongst the team whether it was for hockey or outside of the rink when they were checking out girls or drinking. But they never heard of that one.
"Do you remember whenever someone tried to start a game of Red Rover in grade school, the person they asked will always say 'I'll play if you find other people to play'" the two nodded, smiling fondly at the memory. "Well… I think the same rule applies here" Matthew finished, picking at the ice shavings on the blades oh his skates.
"Oooh I see!" Mathias looked happy at actually understanding. "But what do you think its applying to?"
"Well why don't we get Gilbert to tell us?" Lars answered with a sly smile before cupping his hands around his mouth. "Hey Gilbert!" the German looked up at the sound of his name "Let's have a drinking contest!" he shook the bottle of vodka (it was in Ivan's hockey pants but everybody ignored that fact) for emphasis.
Ten minutes later of shots for shots:
"-And hic when I went to check my email on her laptop I saw that she was writing something so I-" he burped "- de-decided to hic read it and it turned out to be porn written about me and that band geek Roderich!" He had to tell the story over Lars' throwing up in the garbage bin. It was very colorful from all the skittles he was eating that night. Nobody could drink the German under the table. He had a small audience that included the few try-outs that survived so far. The albino was beyond drunk and had very loose lips after so much vodka. Lars took one for the team but at least they knew what was going up. "And that's not even the worst part! I've always knew she was a pervert but to this extent? Sure I could deal somewhat with her writing a smutty story but nooooooo-hic-oooooh she wants us, yes us meaning all three of us, to re-enact those scenes! She wants me to have a threesome with her and that pompous asshole!"
Matthew and Mathias began to have uncontrollable giggles.
"So hehe what does Red Rover mean?" Mathias asked innocently. He nudged Matthew who nudged him back, shaking from holding in his laughter.
Gilbert stared at him dumbstruck for a second before he muttered "Oh I wanted to play naked Red rover."
"Are you going to do it?"
"What? No!" he answered too quickly; he put on a face that looked like he was outraged.
"Duuude, it's totally okay to have a threesome with another dude. Just don't forget the rule: Do not make eye contact," Mathias shrugged. There were murmurs of agreement.
"There is nothing hic to d-discuss and if there vas ve are hic definitely not discussing it here!" he shouted before clasping a hand over his mouth. He soon joined Lars at the garbage can, retching up the vodka and twizzlers.
"Um… do you want us to do another drill?" a boy piped up. The others looked at him in horror. This was like the equivalent of asking a teacher if they had homework.
Glancing at the clock, Matthew shook his head. It was getting late.
They all looked at him and he stared back, blinking owlishly. A look of realization flashed on his face when he grasped that they wanted to know who made it.
"Uh… Leon, Im Yong Soo and Lovino made the cut," he stated which brought on a loud whoop from the Korean and an astonished looking Italian that stammered a 'chi-chigi!" in surprise. "The others can be the back-ups and are welcomed to come and practice with us to polish up their skills for next year," he also mentioned as compensation to the others after he saw the dejected looks on their faces. It'll be good to have back up players just in case a good portion of their offence line were thrown in jail for some crazy shit they would most likely pull.
The sad players skated off in a cloud of gloom. Sad pandas.
"So three and some hours later we finally weeded out the douchebags and we ended up with Mr. Sexual Harassment, Mr. Anger Management and a cross breed of Lukas and Feliks."
Lars and Gilbert returned from puking up their guts. They opted out of vodka and took a normal water bottle. They each took a mouthful, swishing it around before spitting it onto the ice. Berwald had also skated up with Peter on his shoulders since the little boy was pooped. He definitely earned his Power Ranger Halloween costume.
They looked at each other before they all started nodding their heads with a satisfied face which was their bottom lips jutted out and eyebrows raised, showing their approval.
"I think they might just be crazy enough to survive this team."
The End of Chapter 10!
(Please review :] anon are welcomed. I'm hoping for 15-20 reviews since this was kinda lengthy and if I do than I promise to make the next chapters awesome!)
Finished this at an odd hour in the middle of the night and was too tired to check so if I made any mistakes than I'll be sure to make Awake Susan fix them so no pointing out my mistakes until two days because I seriously cannot sleep over 2 days :P. Also note that this story is not serious so don't over analyze this shit :P There is no deep meaning in here haha just shenanigans. And if a scene just suddenly ends than sorry that's just how I write. I'm all over the place and I forget to go and finish a part sometimes :P.
A/N: I wasn't looking forward to writing this but oh well. It would've bugged the hell out of me to have the team so small so I guess it had to be done. I'm looking forward for the next chapters though so those should be fun ^^. Oh my god Italian and Asian hockey players? Of course! :D
Sorry for taking so long but I get addictions (not bad ones so don't worry :P). I just discovered otome games and I've been playing them whenever I get a spare moment. Now I'm debating whether to add romance into the story (I've been debating for awhile. I don't know who. If I do it won't be the main focus of the story). I'm okay with both yaoi and het but don't worry it's not going to be BAM! Threesome on the ice! I have a few people who don't like yaoi and I'm not quite sure if I have any boy readers (shout out! I'm kinda curious now) so it would be kinda awkward BAM! Orgy in the dressing room! I couldn't bring myself to do that lol I would be laughing too hard at myself for attempting a sex scene. And plus I don't think it would be really effective on the ice since it would take them like five minutes to strip with all that equipment plus the skates! With the sharp blades and everything. Who would be in the mood after that ordeal and with the possible chance at getting castrated? I'll contemplate that (the romance not the sex part :P) BAM! On the zamboni! I am having way too much fun saying BAM! Or this could just be a whim *shrugs* I am a very fickle woman :]
Any male readers out there? Anybody with a Y chromosome? Is it a tacofest out there?
I also know that Canada might be OOC but I guess I just wanted to write a story about idiots and their shenanigans :P.
Please review :3 I'll write the chapter faster this time since I'm actually looking forward to it. 15 reviews :D
And don't worry! I actually look forward to writing the next chapters! So it won't be all shitty like :P. I am demanding 15 reviews :D I'm almost at 100! So Yay :D! Thank you for the support :3 without it I would've already got bored and wandered off somewhere.
Note: Yes it's a long A/N sorry sorry :P Just wanted to say that this chapter would've been up sooner but my internet was being an ass. Blame Estonia! 15% of Canada's computers were affected with a virus that was created by like 6 Estonians. Every time you saw an ad, they got paid or something. It was called the DMScharger Malware or something. So while the government or whoever was fixing it, they had to put the computers on temporary servers so it was crap. So that's why I couldn't update... plus I started a new game :o.