MY FINGERS ARE NUMB! NUMB, I TELL YOU! Roflmao. So, this is TWICE the size of ANY chapter I've put up so far, reaching almost ten thousand words, which, I know, isn't actually that much, but WoW. It was to me. So, Angela, just for you (...and, for everyone else that's reading, but you requested it specifically, lol...) I went through to the breakfast scene :) I didn't get to the lullaby or anything, because damn my fingers are numb, and I need a break :P But it was fun, so so much fun, I couldn't stop. It hurts to stop now, when I've got about another hour or so alone before my family gets back, that I could spend writing, but holy jebus. :P I hope you understand.
Oh, by the way, SUCKY. I just realized that all my italics get taken out when I use notepad for uploading :( (Which i need to do 'cause my bro doesn't have word doc...) so that sucks. I'm gunna try and go through everything and italicize (is that even a word?) everything that needs to be, but if I stop, it's because I gave up and decided I have better things to do than click words and click an I button.
Yeah...i'm probably gunna do it. Rofl. [Don't own twilight!]
-moonstruckmanda
I suppose Bella got the hint that I didn't want to talk about that specific topic anymore, but I could see the questions in her eyes, so I continued.
"He acted out of lonliness, that's usually the reason behind the choice. I was the first in Carlisle's family, though he found Esme soon after. She... fell from a cliff," Esme isn't really one to hide such facts as her committing suicide, but it's not really my place to say. "They brought her straight to the hospital morgue, though, somehow, her heart was still beating."
"So you must be dying, then, to become..." she didn't say the word, like it was some type of curse word she disliked, or forbidden.
I wished I could say yes, just to stop this particular line of questions, but decided against it.
"No, that's just Carlisle. He would never do that to someone who had another choice. It's easier he says, though, if the blood is weak." I looked down at the road hoping she wouldn't askhow the weakness of the blood applied to the tranformation. Thankfully, she had other questions on her mind.
"And Emmett and Rosalie?"
"Carlisle brought Rosalie to our family next. I didn't realize till much later that he was hoping she would be to me what Esme was to him - he was careful with his thoughts around me."
I rolled my eyes. I remember the day I found that out all to clearly.
The four of us were sitting in the living room, Rosalie fixated with her appearance, Esme was sitting at a desk mapping out her new designs for our useless kitchen, Carlisle was sitting in his char pretending to read a book, but surrepticiously peeking at Esme, and I was actually reading, trying to block the thoughts running through his head.
That was, until they turned to Rosalie, and this thoughts were a jumbled mess of Rosalie, affection, attraction and soul mates.
But...Carlisle was in love with Esme?! I jumped to conclusions, Esme was already thought of as a mother by me, and if Carlisle was thinking of leaving her for ROSALIE...the epitome of selfishness...
My eyebrows rose up, and a growl was building in my chest. Carlisle as well as Esme and Rosalie stared at me.
"What about Esme?" I had asked, and everyone, even Carlisle, was confused. "Rosalie, Carlisle? Rosalie?!" I knew that it was his buisness, and I shouldn't be voicing my opinion, especially with the two subjects of our thoughts right here, but I loved Esme, and as much as I respected Carlisle, how could he do this to her?
Realization dawned on his face, then Esme's, then Rosalie's.
Esme was distraught. She had fully believed that she was the only one he saw that way.
Rosalie was unsurprised.
Conceited.
Carlisle, I didn't understand it...he wasn't ashamed or embarrassed, he was...sheepish. He sighed.
"Edward, you don't understand."
"Carlisle?" Esme's voice cracked, and he sent her a reassuring smile. She was doubtful, but couldn't hep her swoon. This only fueled my anger.
"Edward, may I speak with you, alone?"
"Anything you have to say to him, you can say in fromt of me, can't you, Carlisle?" Esme asked, unsure for the first time wether she trusted him or not.
Carlisle sighed. "Of course," he answered, switching his glances between Rosalie and I.
I saw it then.
Affection for Rosalie, not from him, but from ME. Rosalie in MY arms, kissing MY lips.
Carlisle wanted Rosalie and I to be together.
I didn't even know how to react. I stared at Carlisle, disbelief smeared across my face, hope on his. I glanced at Rosalie, she was looking back and forth between Carlisle and I, frustrated that she didn't understand exactly what was going on.
And then I errupted into an uncontrollable fit of laughter.
Rosalie and I...together. Laughable.
After I had regained control over myself, I tried reassuring Esme and Rosalie that it was nothing, but that didn't work. I sighed.
"Rosalie. Carlisle had hopes of the two of us...together," her eyes widened. She hadn't thought of seeing me that was, but she had thought of my nonexistant attraction to her.
-He's laughing at the thought of being with me?! I'm Rosalie Hale for goodness sakes!-
Her thoughts were daggers, dripping with venom. She stormed off to her room, angry and self consious, for the first time in her life most likely.
"Does she...have feelings for you, then?" Carlisle had come to the conclusion that I just did not see her that way, but had possibly fell for me.
"No, no, she just can't figure out why I'm not attracted to her," I didn't even try to keep the teasing tone out of my voice.
I ignored the hiss that came from upstaires.
"But she was never more than a sister. It was only two years later that she found Emmett. She was hunting - we were in Appalachia at the time - and found a bear about to finish him off. She carried him back to Carlisle, more than a hundred miles, afraid she wouldn't be able to do it herself. I'm only beginning to guess how difficult that journey was for her." I looked over at her, and her face was a mixture of awe, sympathy and dread. Why the dread, I'm not sure, but I'm never sure with her. I lifted our hands to brush her cheek with mine.
"But she made it," she stated, looking anywhere but my eyes.
"Yes. She saw something in his face that made her strong enough. And they've been together ever since. Sometimes they live separately from us, as a married couple. But the younger we pretend to be, the longer we can stay in any given place. Forks seemed perfect, so we all enrolled in highschool," I paused to laugh, "I suppose we'll have to go to their wedding in a few years, again."
"Alice and Jasper?"
"Alice and Jasper are two very rare creatures. They both developed a conscience, as we refer to it, with no outside guidance. Jasper belonged to another..." I'm not even going to get into how Jasper was created to be part of a vampire army that three female vampires had been assembling to overthrow covens and get revenge. This isn't the time or place for that conversation. "Family, a very different kind of family. He became depressed, and he wandered on his own. Alice found him. Like me, she has certain gifts above and beyong the norm for our kind."
"Really? But you said you were the only one who could hear people's thoughts."
"That's true. She knows other things. She sees things...things that might happen, things that are coming," or aren't coming... "But it's very subjective. The future isn't set in stone. Things change."
Things will change, for my Bella.
"What kind of things does she see?" She saw you, dead. That didn't happen.
"She saw Jasper and knew that he was looking for her before he knew it himself. She saw Carlisle and our family, and they came together to find us. She's most sensitive to non-humans. She always sees, for example, when another group of our kind is coming near. And any threat they may pose.
"Are there...a lot of...your kind?" she asked, sounding surprised.
"No, not many. But most won't settle in any one place. Only those like us, who've given up hunting you people," I tossed her a sly glance, "can live together with humans for any length of time. We've only found one other family like ours, in a small village in Alaska. We lived together for a time, but there were so many of us that we became too noticeable. Those of us who live... differently tend to band together."
"And the others?" she asked as I parked in front of her house.
"Nomads, for the most part. We've all lived that way at times. It gets tedious, like anything else, " I remembered the ten years I spent on my own. Lonely, too quiet. I don't understand how Carlisle did it for so long, or how so many vampires spend their entire existence like that without going mad. "But we run across the others now and then, because most prefer the north."
"Why is that?" she asked, glancing around looking surprised like she just realized where we were. For someone who's so observant, she sure can miss a lot.
"Did you have your eyes open this afternoon? Do you think I could walk down the street in the sunlight without causing traffic accidens?" I teased her, and she flushed a bit from missing the obvious. "There's a reason we chose the Olymic Peninsula, one of the most sunless places in the world. It's nice to be able to go outside in the day. You wouldn't believe how tired you can get of nighttime in eighty-odd years."
"So that's where the legends came from?"
"Probably." There's no way to be sure, but it makes the most sense.
"And Alice came from another family, like Jasper?"
Ah, Alice.
"No, and that is a mystery. Alice doesn't remember her human life at all. And she doesn't know who created her. She awoke alone. Whoever made her walked away, and none of us understand why or now, he could. If she hadn't had that other sense, if she hadn't seen Jasper and Carlisle, and known that she would someday become one of us, she probably would have turned into a total savage."
And then the Volturi would have gotten word of an out-of-control newborn running wild and free, exposing us all, and gone to... 'take care of the problem'...
My train of thought was interrupted by a rather loud rumbling sound coming from was her stomach. Of course! How could I have forgotten something like her hunger? I've been so obsessed about not killing her directly, and here I am starving her to death.
"I'm sorry, I'm keeping you from dinner."
"I'm fine, really." Liar.
"I've never spent much time around anyone who eats food. I forget," I apologized.
"I want to stay with you," she whimpered, and my lifeless heart fluttered.
I wanted to stay with her, too.
"Can't I come in?" Simple enough solution.
"Would you like to?" she asked, surprise layering her voice.
"Yes, if that's alright." I hopped out of her car and before thinking about it, used vampire speed to get to her side and let her out. Oh well, it's too dark for anyone to really see me, anyways, and I can't hear any alarmed thoughts.
"Very human." she stated as she got out of the truck. I smiled.
"It's definately resurfacing."
As we walked to her door, she kept peeking at me. I didn't need to peek, I was already full out staring at her.
I went ahead of her to grab her spare hidden key. I've seen her use it a couple of times, and opened her door for her. She started walking through, then paused.
"The door was unlocked?"
"No, I used the key from under the eave."
She made her way inside, turned the lights on, spun around to face me and raised her eyebrows.
I've been caught.
"I was curious about you."
"You spied on me?" miraculously enough, she didn't sound angry. Will the surprises never cease?
"What else is there to do at night?" I asked cooly, trying to brush my stalker-like tendencies off as nothing.
She continued on to the kitchen, and I went passed her in to sit myself down in one of the chairs. Bella saw me here when she walked in, and smirked, watching me for a couple of seconds before looking away. She heated herself up some leftover lasagna, and I grimaced as the scent of human food filled the room. It smelled worse than garbage, and it didn't look very appetizing as it revolved around, sizzling in the microwave.
"How often?" she asked without turning to look at me.
"Hmm?"
"How often did you come here?" Oh, right, we had been discussing that. It might annoy her more than she let on... that wouldn't surprise me.
"I come here almost every night." She spun around, facing me, shock written all over her face.
"Why?"
"You're interesting when you sleep. You talk." I would have shrugged to emphasize my point, if it hadn't been for the look on her face.
"No!" She half yelled, half gasped. She blushed scarlett red and tightened her grup on her kitchen counter until her knuckles went white.
She was upset with me.
"Are you angry with me?"
"That depends!" she squeaked, she sounded out of breath. She didn't add anything to that.
"On...?"
"What you heard!" she yelled, and I instantly understood. She had, after all, been saying my name in her sleep. And, so, now, she knew that I knew she was dreaming about me...unless I could pretend I hadn't heard anything of the sort. I've heard other things...
I went to her, taking her warm hands in mine, trying to calm her.
"Don't be upset!" I begged, hating the feeling that came with Bella being unhappy ith me. I felt like the biggest dissapointment in the world. I lowered my head until her eyes were level with mine, but it was a wasted effort, she wouldn't look me in the eyes. "You miss your mother. You worry about her. And when it rains, the sound makes you restless. You used to talk about home a lot," most of that has been replaced by dreams of me now, though, but I didn't dare add that, "but it's less often now. Once you said 'It's too green'" I chuckled at the memory, and hoped it wouldn't upset her even more. It was just so cute, though.
"Anything else?" she asked firmly but still warily. There was no point in trying, she knew as well as I did. Better, in fact...
"You did say my name." she sighed.
"A lot?" if you call forty-two times a lot...
"How much do you mean by 'a lot', exactly?" I asked, trying to dodge answering the question. It worked, but Bella was still upset...just less upset than what she would be if I had actually told her.
"Oh no!" she whined as she hung her head. I pulled her right against my chest.
"Don't be self-consious. If I could dream at all, it would be about you. And I'm not ashamed of it." She seemed to relax a bit, that was, until we heard Charlie pull into the driveway. I've been so caught up with Bella, I hadn't even noticed he was getting close. "Should your father know I'm here?"
"I'm not sure..." that would be a no.
"Another time, then..." I shot up to her room, but I suppose I should have assured her I was staying, because she whispered my name frantically, looking for me. I chuckled, just loud enough for her to hear, to let her know I was still here and waiting for her.
Charlie opened the door, and called out her name, but I was focused on his thoughts. He was thinking about school dances, and Bella...
"I'm here," she answered him, clearly nervous, but from what I could tell, he didn't pick up on it. He entered the kitchen and his thought tennor was instantly switched to food.
"Can you get me some of that? I'm bushed." he took his boots off and shuffled around, getting settled as Bella prepared his dinner. "Thanks" he saidas she placed his food and some beverage on the table.
"How was your day?" she asked, quick and impatiently, clearly not actually interested in the answer, but still trying to be polite.
"Good. The fish were biting...how about you? Did you get everything done that you wanted to?" he asked casually, but in his mind he was sincerely interested in anything concerning his daughter.
"Not really...it was too nice out to stay indoors," she answered, rushing through her food. It put a big goody smile on my face knowing she was so anxious to get back to me.
"It was a nice day," Charlie agreed, taking another bite of his lasagne. Bella finished off her food and drink quickly, and that didn't escape Charlie's notice. The school dance was brought back to his thoughts.
"In a hurry?"
"Yeah, I'm tired. I'm going to bed early." Such a horrible liar, she was.
"You look kinda keyed up," he stated suspiciously.
"Do I?" was Bella's only response as she cleaned her dishes.
"It's Saturday," he said, trying to ease into the topic of the school dance. "No plans tonight?"
"No, Dad, I just want to get some sleep."
"None of the boys in town your type, eh?" He was curious, he knew Bella was attractive, so he was wondering why she wasn't dating.
"No, none of the boys have caught my eye yet." I stiffened. That was a lie, right? Everything she's done, all her reactions, everything she's said causes me to believe it was a lie, especially the fact that I could hear the lie in her voice, but still, it's not hard to doubt.
"I thought maybe that Mike Newton..." I growled, loudly. I don't think Charlie noticed, but Bella knew I was up here, she might have been listening for some type of noise. "you said he was friendly."
"He's just a friend, Dad."
"Well, you're too good for them all, anyway," too true, "Wait till you get to college to start looking." College? A year and a half? Too long, way too long to wait and I don't even have that much time with her. She's only human, after all...
"Sounds like a good idea to me," she answered, clearly not agreeingly, as she started up the stairs.
"Night, honey."
"See you in the morning, Dad," Bella called as she slowly climbed the rest of the stairs. I watched from her bed as she opened her door, closed it rather loudly and sprinted to her window, opening it and leaning out to look for me.
"Edward?" I couldn't help but laugh at her.
"Yes?" She whirled around, pretty quickly for a human, and stared at me. Her heartbeat picked up pace and she was breathing heavily. Her hand flew up to her throat, surprised to see me there.
"Oh!" She breathed out, as she slowly fell to the floor.
"I'm sorry," I apologized, trying not to laugh more.
"Just give me a minute to restart my heart." I sat up slowly and reached out for her, picking her up and placing her beside me on the bed.
"Why don't you sit with me. How's the heart?" I asked, taking her hand in mine.
"You tell me...I'm sure you hear it better than I do." I tried not to laugh too hard, it was true. It was quiet for a minute while her heart went back to normal pace, then Bella looked up at me.
"Can I have a minute to be human?"
"Certainly." I motioned for her to do whatever she needed to do, I could wait for her.
"Stay," she commanded, and I stilled.
"Yes, ma'am."
She hopped off the bed, grabbing her things and left her room. I heard the tap in her bathroom, and her toothbrush scraping against her teeth. I listened as her shower turned on...
For once, I found it a good fortune that I couldn't read her mind. I don't think I'd be able to handle watching herself undress and clean herself, but I know for sure that I wouldn't be able to focus on anything else. I'm only...well, not human, but I'm only a man. I wouldn't be able to help myself, Bella's too unbelievably irresistable.
I waited for her to finish, and listened as she got out and got dressed, packed her things back in her bag and left the bathroom. Oddly, she ran back downstaires to bid her father goodnight for a second time. He sounded surprised, but all I coul pick up from his thoughts were sports. She rushed back up the stairs and came in the room, closing the door behind her and pressing her back against it. I saw her smile, and I began to smile, but stopped once I looked at her.
Her wet hair hung around her face in clumped tendrils, framing it perfectly, and darker than it usually looked. Her sweatpands hugged her hips and fell loosely around her legs, and her shirt... her shirt was a complete tease. It was thin material, my eyes could almost see through it, almost. It was covered in holes, all in chaste areas, but all hinting at other not so chaste areas. One of my eyebrows raised involuntarily.
"Nice." She grimaced, she thought I was joking. "No, it looked good on you." She whispered a quiet thanks, and came back to sit beside me, crossing her legs on the bed. She smelled so good wet... appetizing, in both ways. I need a distraction.
"What was all that for?"
"Charlie thinks I'm sneaking out." Ah, I see.
"Oh. Why?" I didn't pick that up from his mind. As thankful as I am that his mind isn't completely blank as Bella's is, I wish it were clearer.
"Apparently, I look a little overexcited." I lifted her chin, looking at her face.
"You look very warm, actually." I lowered my face to hers, pressing my cheek against hers. "Mmmm." I stayed there for a moment, and her breathing picked up a bit.
"It seems to be...much easier for you, now, to be close to me."
"Does it seem that way to you?" I asked, starting to move my face along hers. She was incredibly warm, smelling perfectly delicious. I touched her hair, brushing it back from her face, and pressed my lips to the hollow under her ear.
"Much, much easier," she answered after another moment, sounding like she was having trouble forming sentances.
"Hmm," was my only response, I was too busy drowning myself in her inoxicating scent and feeling her smoothe skin on mine to form a correct sentance, myself.
"So I was wondering..." I traced my fingers along her fragile collarbone, and she stopped speaking.
"Yes?"
"Why is that, do you think?" she asked, her voice sounding weak and shaky. I laughed as blood pooled in her delicate cheeks.
"Mind over matter." As soon as the words were out, she was gone. She had moved away from me, away from my touch. Had I done something wrong? She was watching me, but I wasn't moving, wasn't even breathing. I tried to relax, but it was hard, I felt rejected.
"Did I do something wrong?"
"No - the opposite. You're driving me crazy." Really? ...really! Driving her crazy...
"Really?" I couldn't, nor would I if I could stop the smile that spread across my face. She had the same reactions to me as I did to her, apparently. I didn't even know I could affect her that way at all...
"Would you like a round of applause?" she teased, looking like she was fighting the urge to roll her eyes at me. My smile grew.
"I'm just pleasantly surprised. In the last hundred years or so, I never imagined anything like this. I didn't believe I would ever find someone I wanted to be with...in another way than my brothers and sisters. And then to find, even though it's all new to me, that I'm good at it...at being with you..." at making her feel the way she always makes me feel...
"You're good at everything," she stated as though it was the most obvious piece of information in the world. I shrugged, and we both giggled. "But how can it be so easy now? This afternoon..."
"It's not easy," I breathed in deep, taking in her burning scent. My body still had the same reactions. The venom came, the muscles tensed, the monster inside of me battled with my consciense and logic...and love. I let the breath out as a sigh. "But this afternoon, I was still...undecided. I am sorry about that, it was unforgivable for me to behave so."
"Not unforgivable," she said, and she sounded like she wasn't bothered by it at all now that she understood why I had done it.
"Thank you," I said, smiling. "You see, I wasn't sure if I was strong enough..." I paused, picking her hand up and pressing it to my cheek. So warm. "And while there was still that possibility that I might be...overcome..." I sniffed her wrist, it smelled so delicious and inviting, but I was completely in control, "I was...susceptible. Until I made up my mind that I was strong enough, that there was no possibility at all that I would...that I ever could..." I couldn't get the words out. They were blasphemous, how could I ever...? I wouldn't be able to bear it.
"So there's no possibility now?"
"Mind over matter," I said again, smiling.
"Wow, that was easy," she commented, and I threw my head back, about to roar with laughter, but caught myself and quieted my voice before the laugh came out. Charlie was, after all, right downstairs.
"Easy for you," I touched her nose with my finger. Then I heard Charlie think about something to do with Bella, and Mike Newton...
"But jealousy...it's a strange thing. So much more powerful than I would have thought. And irrational! Just now, when Charlie asked you about that vile Mike Newton..." I shook my head, trying to clear it of all thoughts of Mike winning over Bella's heart. He didn't deserve her, not in the slightest.
"I should have known you'd be listening!," she groaned. Well, obviously, I only stalk her every chance I get.
"Of course."
"That made you feel jealous, though, really?"
"I'm new at this; you're resurrecting the human in me, and everything feels stronger because it's fresh."
"But honestly, for that to bother you, after I have to hear that Rosalie - Rosalie, the incarnation of pure beauty, Rosalie - was meant for you. Emmett or no Emmett, how can I compete with that?" She had it all wrong, Rosalie wasn't meant for me. She was, entirely.
"There's no competition." I brought her hands up behind my back, and she was pressed firmly against my chest. It felt amazing.
"I know, that's the problem," she mumbled. I suppose I said that wrong, then, for her to take it that way, but how did she not see that Rosalie looked absolutely plain compared to her?
"Of course Rosalie is beautiful in her own way," if she ever heard me say that, I think she'd do a song and dance, I've never said that out loud. She was beautiful, yes, but I didn't find her interesting, and her face was just a face to me, and that irked her more than anything for the longest time. "but even if she wasn't like a sister to me, even if Emmett didn't belong with her, she could never have one tenth, no, one hundredth of the attraction you hold for me. For almost ninety years I've walked among my kind, and yours," I suppose that counts now, as well, since I fell for one of her kind, "all the time thinking I was complete in myself, not realizing what I was seeking. And not finding anything, because you weren't alive yet."
"It hardly seems fair, I haven't had to wait at all. Why should I get off so easily?"
"You're right, I should make this harder for you, definately," I teased, releasing a hand of hers, and scooping it right back up with my other hand in order to stroke her hair, "You only have to risk your life every second you spend with me, that's surely not much. You only have to turn your back on nature, on humanity...what's that worth?"
"Very little - I don't feel deprived of anything."
"Not yet," she will, in time she'll regret making this choice. She'll want someone she can actually be with, someone she can relate to more. Someone she can share certain experiences with.
She tried pulling away from me, but I wouldn't allow it. Not yet.
"What..." she stopped talking as she felt me freeze. Charlie was heading up here to check on her. I let go of her, almost unwillingly, and went to hide in her closet.
"Lie down!" I hissed, probably sounding like too much of a vampire in front of her, but she did as I told her, covering herself with her blanket. Charlie came in, and Bella was exaggerating her breathing, but Charlie didn't notice. The only thing he noticed was Bella, asleep in her bed, and he left to go back to watching T.V.
Bella didn't hear him leave, and I took this opportunity to climb into her bed with her, under the covers.
I was brave today.
"You are a terrible actress, I'd say that career path is out for you," I commented, sliding my arm around her waist and pressing myself against her. Her heartbeat took off, the speed of a bird in flight, but louder. Much, much louder. I backed my chest away from hers a bit to take away some of the temptation from feeling her heartbeat crashing against me.
"Darn it," she said sarcastically. It was quiet for a moment, and so I started humming her the lullaby I had written for her. It seemed to make her entire body relax, like jelly, I felt her lower half sink into the mattress, and into me, then her shoulders fell limp against my chest, her head sank lower into the pillow. I stopped and considered singing to her, it might put her to sleep, though...then again, that's probably exactly what she needs, she is human, and it's getting pretty late.
"Should I sign you to sleep?"
"Right. Like I could sleep with you here!" she laughed.
"You do it all the time."
"But I didn't know you were here," she replied, her tone a little harsh.
"So if you don't want to sleep..." I stopped. She stopped breathing. I'm sure what was on my mind, was on hers as well. I didn't mean for it to sound like that... I tried thinking of something we could do, that wouldn't lead to her death.
"If I don't want to sleep...?" she urged me to continue, and I chuckled.
"What do you want to do then?" I'd leave it up to her to come up with something. It was a moment before she could answer.
"I'm not sure."
"Tell me when you decide," I said, skimming her jaw with my nose, inhailing her scent. After the entire day, the burn was getting less noticable. It was still there, clearly, but I could ignore it more easily.
"I thought you were desensitized."
"Just because I'm resisting the wine doesn't mean I can't appreciate the bouquet. You have a very floral smell, like lavender...or freesia. It's mouthwatering."
"Yeah, it's an off day when I don't get somebody telling me how edible I smell." I laughed, then sighed, content. I think I've laughed more today than I ever had during my entire existance before I met Bella. "I've decided what I want to do. I want to hear more about you."
"Ask me anything."
"Why do you do it? I stoll don't understand how you can work so hard to resist what you...are. Please don't misunderstand, of course I'm glad that you do. I just don't see why you would bother in the first place." I've heard this question so many times, from various nomads that cross our paths.
"That's a good question, and you are not the first one to ask it. The others - the majority of our kind who are quiet content with our lot - they, too, wonder at how we live. But you see, just because we've been...dealt a certain hand...it doesn't mean that we can't choose to rise above - to conquer the boundaries of a destiny that none of us wanted. To try to retain whatever essential humanity we can." She didn't answer, or move, and I was afraid she'd fallen asleep. Though that would be a good thing, since she needed sleep, I was a bit sad, I wanted to talk with her more. I didn't have much time to do so. "Did you fall asleep?" I whispered quietly after another minute of her stillness, but to my surprise, she responded with a simple "No."
"Is that all you were curious about?"
"Not quite," she answered, seemingly trying not to laugh at her own joke.
"What else do you want to know?"
"Why can you read minds - why only you? And Alice, seeing the future...why does that happen?" I shrugged. How am I supposed to know?
"We don't really know. Carlisle has a theory...he believes that we all bring something of our strongest human traits with us into the next life, where they are intensified - like our minds, and our senses. He thinks that I must have already been very sensitive to the thoughts of those around me. And that Alice had some precognition, wherever she was."
"What did he bring into the next life, and the others?"
"Carlisle brought his compattion. Esme brought her ability to love passionately. Emmett brought his strength, Rosalie her..." Selfishness, conceitedness? "tenacity. Or you could call it pigheadedness," I added, unashamed, as I laughed. "Jasper is very interesting. He was quite charismatic in his first life, able to influence those around him to see things his way. Now he is able to manipulate the emotions of those around him - calm down a room of angry people, for example, or excite a lethargic crowd, conversely. It's a very subtle gift." And extremely useful.
And at times, extremely annoying.
"So where did it all start? I mean, Carlisle changed you, and then someone must have changed him, and so on..." I considered teasing her with Dracula tales, something tells me she'd believe every word I said, but decided not to. I like having her trust me.
"Well, where did you come from? Evolution? Creation? Couldn't we have evolved in the same way as other species, predator and prey? Or, if you don't believe that all this world could have just happened on its own, which is hard for me to accept myself, is it so hard to believe that the same force that created the delicate angelfish with the shark, the baby seal and the killer whale, could create both our kinds together?"
"Let me get this straight...I'm the baby seal, right?" she asked, sarcastically. I laughed like only she could make me.
"Right," I said, still laughing. I pressed my lips to her hair, and softly kissed the back of her head. I loved her for making me feel so light, so happy. She didn't move for a couple moments, and it was really late. She needed sleep. "Are you ready to sleep? Or do you have any more questions?"
"Only a million or two."
"We have tomorrow, and the next day, and the next..." and a couple more years. I saw her cheeks rise, and guessed she was smiling.
"Are you sure you won't vanish in the morning? You are mythical, after all."
"I won't leave you," I promised her. I won't, because I don't want to, but also because I couldn't. Can't even imagine what it would be like to leave her now.
"One more, then, tonight..." she paused, and I smeled the blood pooling in her cheeks.
"What is it?"
"No, forget it. I changed my mind." Absolutely frustrating. I'm not that patient a person.
"Bella, you can ask me anything." Silence. I groaned. "I keep thinking it will get less frustrating, not hearing your thoughts. But it just gets worse and worse," I complained.
"I'm glad you can't read my thoughts. It's bad enough that you eavesdrop on my sleep-talking."
"Please?" I tried, dazzling her with just my voice, since I couldn't with my eyes. She shook her head, though. "If you don't tell me, I'll just assume it's something much worse than it is..." my mind raced at the possibilities. "Please?"
"Well, ..." she was going to make this very difficult.
"Yes?"
"You said that Rosalie and Emmett will get married soon...Is that...marriage...the same as it is for humans?" I laughed, of course she would be curious about that.
"Is that what you're getting at?" She figited, finding her words. "Yes, I suppose it is muc hthe same. I told you, most of those human desires are there, just hidden behind more powerful desires." Or, what I thought were more powerful, but now I'm starting to second guess that...
"Oh," she stated, sounding like there was more to her question.
"Was there a purpose behind your curiousity?"
"Well, I did wonder...about you and me...someday..." I froze. I would be more red than the reddest tomato if it were possible. She...thought about that, about us, together, as well? Well, I didn't exactly dwell over it, because of its impossibility, but...
"I don't think that...that...would be possible for us," I told her, solemly.
"Because it would be too hard for you, if I were that...close?"
"That's certainly a problem. But that's not what I was thinking of. It's just that you are so soft, so fragile. I have to mind my actions every moment that we're together so that I don't hurt you. I could kill you quite easily, Bella, simply by accident," I could hear my voice growing sadder, but I couldn't help it. I touched her cheek softly. "If I was too hasty..." I inwardly flinched at my choice of words. My blush would have gotten redder, if it could have been there. "if for one second I wasn't paying attention, I could reach out, meaning to touch your face, and crush your skull by mistake. You don't realize how incredibly breakable you are. I can never, never afford to lose any kind of control when I'm with you," I finished, sounding like someone as strong as Emmett had punched me in the gut. She didn't say anything, probably because I had just explained that I could kill her at any moment simply by touching her. "Are you scared?" She didn't answer for a moment, considering wether or not she was.
"No, I'm fine," she answered, completely sure of that fact. She also seemed upset, and I could understand why. It was an experience that she'd have to miss out on, if she were to stay with me.
Or...had she already experienced it?
Jealousy flooded my mind then, and I had to work to keep my voice from coming out as a growl.
"I'm curious now, though... Have you ever...?" I paused, finding it hard to actually say the words in front of her. I'm more glad than I ever have that I'm a vampire, my blush would be outstandingly embarrassing.
"Of course not. I told you I've never felt like this about anyone before, not even close," she admitted, blushing, but I didn't even notice, I was so filled with relief.
"I know. It's just that I know other people's thoughts. I know love and lust don't always keep the same company."
"They do for me. Now, anyway, that they exist for me at all," she admitted with a sigh. So she lusted for me, did she?
"That's nice. We have that one thing in common, at least." I was glad that no one else had touched her in a way that I wanted to touch her, especially since I'd never experienced that either.
"Your human instincts..." she paused, and I guessed that this was as difficult to talk about for her as it was for me, "well, do you find me attractive, in that way at all?" I laughed, and worked hard to keep it quiet. She was completely insane to doubt at all that I wasn't attracted to her like that. I playfully ruffled her hair.
"I may not be a human, but I am a man." She seemed to relax, and then she yawned. "I've answered your questions, now you should sleep."
"I'm not sure if I can."
"Do you want me to leave?" Please say no, please say no.
"No!" She answered a bit loud, and I checked to see if Charlie had heard. Thankfully, he hadn't.
I laughed, and started to hum her lullaby again, and she fell asleep almost instantly. The only thing that tore my attention away from her all night was the ten minutes that Charlie spent trying to figure out how to immobalize her vehicle in case she decided to sneak out after all before heading to sleep.
It was a different experience, watching her sleep was definately interesting, but watching as she slept in my arms, while she dreampt of me, ...I don't know if I'll be able to simply sit in the rocking chair and watch as she sleeps without feeling a strong urge to come lay beside her ever again. She slept so peacefully in my arms, and she whispered my name more than I'd ever heard her in one night tonight, and to my surprise and intense joy, she said "Edward, I love you," once. My smile didn't leave my face until dawn broke across the sky outside. I hated it, but I had to leave to get a change of clothes and freshen up for the day.
I gently pulled away from her and slipped out the window.
I got to my house as quickly as I could, and shot to my room to get changed. I freshened up, but I wasn't so lucky as to avoid my family on my way out. Emmett and Alice were blocking my way out, and the rest of my family, excluding Rosalie, were screaming at me in their thoughts to explain what had happened. Of course, Alice had already seen all of it, but all she had said was that Bella was fine.
"She's alive, and I'm becoming more and more used to her scent, but she'll be waking soon, and I want to be there when she does..." Esme and Carlisle had huge smiles on their faces, Emmett was winking at me, Jasper was happy that Bella was safe and I was happy, but still a bit worried about what might happen now. Alice was determined to make my life harder than it had to be.
"You're bringing her here today," she told me, but she didn't have any visions of me coming over with yet yet. "You are bringing her here today, you're going to introduce us normally, and you're going to stop hogging her! I haven't even met my best friend, you're being incredibly selfish! You won't kill her, you know that now, now let me meet my friend!" Alice looked terrifying, and so her eyes glazed over and she had a vision of finally meeting Bella. She smiled, hugged me, and danced off, calling "Thank you, Edward," over her shoulder. Jasper followed, Emmett headed up to his and Rosalie's room to try to lighten her apparently sour mood, and Esme hugged me tightly, whispering her happieness for my happiness in my ear before she went upstaires.
I'm glad this has worked out for you, you're strong, Edward, know that. But make sure you don't get too comfortable, you must always be careful. I nodded, and he smiled, following after his wife.
So today Bella would meet my family. Despite the fact that I'm a powerful vampire, and no human could ever harm me, I was a little worried about how Bella would react to me taking her to a houe full of vampires.
I raced back to her place and got there in time to see Charlie fixing Bella's car before leaving to go to work. I waited in the forest behind his house for him to leave, and once he did I climbed into Bella's room. She looked like she might wake soon, and would surley wake if I were to lie beside her again, so I took my usual seat in her rocking chair, watching her as she slept through her last hour. I was right, it was hard not to go over to her.
When she finally began to wake, she moved slowly around, groggily, until I suppose she remembered that I would be here. She sat up quick, gasping "Oh!" then swayed a hair was hilarious.
"Your hair looks like a haystack...but I like it," it was adorable, and so very human. She saw me, then, and a huge smile broke across her face.
"Edward! You stayed!" she yelped, before jumping off the bed and darting across her room to throw herself onto my lap. She was so blissful, and so happy to see me. Happier than I've ever seen her. I laughed, it was good to know I made her feel this way.
"Of course," I said, rubbing her back gently.
"I was sure it was a dream."
"You're not that creative," I teased.
"Charlie!" she jumped up and away from me, running to her door.
"He left an hour ago - after reattatching your battery cables, I might add. I have to admit I was disappointed. Is that really all it would take to stop you, if you were determined to go?" She looked at me, seeming to be making a hard decision. "You're not usually this confused in the morning." I held out my arms for her to come back, but much to my dismay, she declined.
"I need another human minute," she explained.
"I'll wait." She litterally skipped to the bathroom to prepare herself for the day. Once she was finished, she rushed back to me, I hadn't moved and my arms were still open in an invitation for her. "Welcome back." Her heart raced as she climbed back into my lap, and I started rocking her. She looked up at me, and seemed to realize something.
"You left?" she asked, pointing out my fresh clothes.
"I could hardly leave in the clothes I came in - what would the neighbors think?" She pouted, it was a heartbreaking sight, but also so incredibly cute...her bottom lip jutted slightly out, and her eyebrows pulled together and up. "You were very deeply asleep; I didn't miss anything. The talking came earlier." She groaned at that.
"What did you hear?" I felt my face soften, as I told her.
"You said you loved me."
"You knew that already," she muttered, trying to hide her face, embarrassed.
"It was nice to hear, just the same." She pressed her face against my shoulder in an attempt to hide it as she whispered,
"I love you." Hearing her say it in her sleep was an amazing feeling, but hearing her say it consiously to me, I felt completely free of all worries in the world, because the only thing that mattered was what she had just said.
"You are my life now." She always has been, but I didn't realize it until I met her. I rocked her back and forth, and then suddenly remembered, glad that I had this time, that she needed to eat. "Breakfast time."
I watched in horror and shock as her hands flew up to cup her neck and she looked at me with eyes the size of saucers. How could she even think that, after all that we went through yesterday?
"Kidding!" she chirped, and I was first filled with relief, but then annoyance.
"That wasn't funny."
"It was very funny, and you know it." I had to admit, it was.
"Shall I rephrase? Breakfast time for the human."
"Oh, ok" she answered casually. Time for me to tease her. I picked her up and threw over my shoulders, and she feebly attempted to free herself as I headed to the kitchen.
I sat her down on a chair in the kitchen and she looked up at me expectantly.
"What's for breakfast?" she asked, her face bright and sunny. My face probably had shock written all over it, and nervousness. I didn't exactly pay attention to cooking human food...I should probably learn how to, having a human girlfriend and all...
"Er, I'm not sure. What would you like?" I asked, hoping she'd choose something easy like a sandwhich. I didn't know how to cook, but sandwhiches weren't exactly rocket science. She grinned at me and got up.
"That's all right, I fend for myself pretty well. Watch me hunt." I watched as she got a bowl, a spoon, some milk and a box of cereal. She went to sit down, then paused, looking up at me, confused. "Can I get you anything?" Hmm, would she happen to have a spare mountain lion in her cupboards, perhaps? I rolled my eyes at her.
"Just eat, Bella." She sat and started eating, and I couldn't help but watch in slight disgust. It smelled horrible, and didn't look much better.
"What's on the agenda for today?" Ah, here it comes.
"Hmmm...what would you say to meeting my family?" She gulped. Yes, it was as I had feared. She doesn't want to. "Are you afraid now?" It would be nice of her to have some common sense, at least, enough to be afraid of meeting six vampires, it would make me worry less about her. But then, these are my family, so she's got nothing to worry about. Sort of.
"Yes." It surprised me that she actually admitted to being afraid.
"Don't worry, I'll protect you," I assured her, with a smirk.
"I'm not afraid of them. I'm afraid they won't...like me. Won't they be, well, surprised that you would bring someone...like me...home to meet them? Do they know that I know about them?" Oh, silly silly Bella, worrying about the wrong things completely.
"Oh, they already know everything. They'd taken bets yesterday, you know, on wether I'd bring you back, though why anyone would bet against Alice, I can't imagine. At any rate, we don't have secrets in the family. It's not really feasible, what with my mind reading and Alice seeing the future and all that."
"And Jasper making you feel all warm and fuzzy about spilling your guts, don't forget that." I grinned, she remembered that.
"You paid attention," I commented.
"I've been known to do that every now and then," she said with a gimace. "So did Alice see me coming?"
Ugh. Wrong question to bring up. Of course she saw you coming. She saw you with me, she saw you dead, which technically could still happen, and she saw you become like me...a vampore.
"Something like that," I searched for a change of subject, she was about to ask me about my reaction. "Is that any good?" I asked her quickly, looking at her bowl of cereal. "Honestly, it doesn't look very appetizing."
"Well, it's no irritable frizzly..." I glowered at her playfully. I stared out the windows, thinking about Alice's visions. I changed one of her visions, I could change another. Bella will not become like me. Not even considering what it would do to Bella, and me for that matter, but what about her family? Her mother she speaks so often about in her sleep, or her adoring father? I looked over at her with a smile.
"And you should introduce me to your father, too, I think."
"He already knows you," she replied flatly.
"As your boyfriend, I mean." I felt a phantom heart beat at the use of the word 'boyfriend'.
"Why?" she asked, staring at me with one eye brow raised.
"Isn't that customary?"
"I don't know. That's not necessary, you know. I don't expect you to...I mean, you don't have to pretend for me."
"I'm not pretending," I assured her with a smile. She bit her lip and played with her unappealing breakfast. "Are you going to tell Charlie I'm your boyfriend or not?" It hurt, to know she didn't want to tell him. It felt like she was ashamed of me, which she should be. She was dating a vampire, for goodness sakes.
"Is that what you are?"
"It's a loose interpretation of the word 'boy,' I'll admit..."
"I was under the impression that you were something more, actually," she said quietly, staring down at the table.
Well, I am. Of course. I'm her soulmate, the one she's stuck with for the rest of her life. But her father didn't need to know all that.
"Well, I don't know if we need to give him all the gory details," I teased, reaching overto lift her chin up to see her face. "But he will need some explanation for why I'm around here so much. I don't want Chief Swan getting a restraining order put on me." Her eyes widened.
"Will you be? Will you really be here?" She asked, anxiously.
"As long as you want me."
"I'll always want you. Forever." Forever. I wish that were possible without ruining her life. I walked around the table, standing in front of her, touching her cheek. Forever would be nice. Forever would be wonderful, but forever is impossible. Not without killing her. Not without destroying the soul of the woman I love. "Does that make you sad?" I couldn't answer. It wasn't that she wanted me around forever that made me sad, it was that I wanted her around forever and couldn't have that that did. I can't be selfish, not with someone so precious.
"Are you finished?" I asked, changing the subject.
"Yes," she confirmed, jumping up out of her seat.
"Get dressed...I'll wait here." She went upstaires and I could hear her moving around, choosing what to wear and getting ready. I waited for her at the bottom of the stairs, and when she came out, I couldn't move, couldn't even speak.
She was wearing that blue blouse she had been wearing the night I'd taken her to dinner in Port Angeles. The one that hugged her perfectly, with the most beautiful colour that went so absolutely well with her skin... she was beautiful. "Ok" she said cheerily as she bounced down the stairs. "I'm decent," she chirped, bouncing down the last step and falling into my arms. I steadied her, making sure she was alright, before closing the gap between us.
"Wrong again, you are utterly indecent...no one should look so tempting. It's not fair."
"Tempting how? I can change..."
I shook my head, sighing. She will never see herself clearly, she'll never understand, will she?
"You are so absurd." I kissed her forhead gently. "Shall I explain how you are tempting to me..." I said, running my fingers down her spine. Her breath quickened, and I realized mine did as well. Her lips looked warm, beckonging me towards them. I bent down and kissed them, softly as I could, and I could have stayed there forever...
Had she not fainted.
"Bella?!" She looked up at me from where she was, limp in my arms.
"You...made...me...faint," she said accusingly, but breathlessly.
"What am I going to do with you!!" I groaned. "Yesterday I kiss you, and you attack me! Today you pass out on me!" she laughed at me. "So much for being good at everything." I sighed, why can't I just be human, and we can kiss like normal couples?
"That's the problem. You're too good. Far, far too good." That was too hard to believe.
"Do you feel sick?"
"No, that wasn't the same kind of fainting at all. I don't know what happened. I think I forgot to breathe," she addmitted, shaking her head.
"I can't take you anywhere like this," I stated, half worried about what Alice would do, half glad that we wouldn't have to go through with the inevitable awkward introductions.
"I'm fine. Your family is going to think I'm insane anyway, what's the difference?" I looked her over, trying to decide how fine she really was, but was distracted by her blouse again.
"I'm very partial to that colour with your skin." She blushed, looking away from me.
"Look, I'm trying really hard not to think about what I'm about to do, so can we go already?" Ah, Bella. You'll have to get used to compliments with me around.
"And you're worried, not because you're headed to meet a houseful of vampires, but because you think those vampires won't approve of you, correct?" I asked, heavy on the sarcasm.
"That's right." I shook my head. Absurd. Amazing.
"You're incredible."
Absolutely no life.
Thank you, SO much, for all your reviews, guys. I appreciate all of them, they all make me flip out and squeal :D Love you all, hope you enjoyed this chapter, and now I'm off to read Socks for Sex, because it's freaking hilarious, and Alice's POV just got put up. Yay! ... Will I get in trouble for mentioning that story on my page? Idk. Hope not, cause really it's like promoting. Sort of. ... yeah idk. Goldentemptress can yell at me if she doesn't like it :P Anyways, see yah! :)