December
Sasuke was twenty-nine weeks into his pregnancy and there really was no turning back at this point. In February he would be bringing home two babies and with such little time left he started to feel more anxiety than he had at the beginning of the pregnancy. He felt completely powerless and since there wasn't much he could do anymore he was stuck at home with his worried thoughts that he wouldn't share with any one.
Sasuke considered himself in a full relationship with Naruto after he had done his embarrassing confession of love to Uzumaki but as it came closer to time to give birth and bring home the kids Sasuke kept all of his concerns and fear to himself. It's not that he didn't trust Naruto but isolating himself from others was a bad habit he hadn't broken completely yet. He could tell Naruto wanted to talk about things since multiple births had a level of risk to them but the same as when Naruto wanted to talk about their one nightstand back in June; Sasuke shot the blond down every time he wanted to talk about something serious. And having to sit back and rely even more now on Naruto and Hinata was hurting his Uchiha pride. In the earlier months he didn't think too much about accepting help now and again from either one of them but now he just felt soft and vulnerable which didn't help with his worries.
If he had to depend on these two this much now and the twins weren't even born yet what was he going to do when he gave birth and had to bring them home? He was expecting to stay at home with the twins while Naruto and of course Hinata went to school and work. Back when he first found out about his pregnancy that idea didn't feel like it would be a problem but now that he had finished reading the baby books and talked with his doctor and even older women in the village who wanted to give him advice he wasn't sure if he still felt that way. Two mouths to feed, two diapers to change, two of everything! All day by himself would be a major task for one person and it would have to happen that way because Naruto was the only one who had a job and they all had to eat. And there was no way he or Naruto could drop out of school either. Sasuke wouldn't allow for them to be teenage fathers and drop outs so he had to also think about trying to do homework while feeding one baby while the other one would probably be screaming and crying and need his attention.
Money was sure to be a problem too when trying to raise his family but while Hinata was living with them he didn't want a dime of her money. She shouldn't have to be involved in the babies' life since they weren't hers. How could he ask her to spend money or take responsibility for two other humans when she had nothing to do with them? He would feel like he was taking advantage of her kind heartedness is he was to ask anything more of her than he already did. After all she had been taking care of almost everything for him and Naruto since the moment she moved in so wouldn't it be rude to ask her to take care of two more people? But it was hard for Sasuke to picture Hinata not being apart of his family but ultimately she should be moving out soon to be with Kiba.
Although he and Naruto had told her plenty of times told her she was not a bother to have around she still feel like a burden and thought she would be in the way of their growth as a family so she had been setting aside money for an apartment. She would probably have Kiba move in with her also and work toward starting her own family when the time was right. So Sasuke kept his mouth shut and was going to accept she was leaving even though Naruto continued to pester the girl to stay. But did they really have a right to ask that of her either? While they all lived under the same roof they had two separate lives and Sasuke and Naruto's was about to get even more complicated. It was better just to let her go. But once Hinata was gone all of the chores she had been doing for them would fall on Sasuke's shoulders causing yet another problem.
The Uchiha had anxiety attacks thinking about these things all day long alone at home. By now he had put on a bit over twenty-five pounds had swollen feet, an aching back and was even moodier than usual so with those medical problems and others he had to stop going to school. Plus he couldn't climb the hill any more to the house without help. So this on top of his mental exhaustion he felt like his body was giving out on him. Up until now the pregnancy hadn't been that hard on him. In fact most of the time he was thinking to himself how he didn't know what women were always gripping about when they were pregnant. Sure morning sickness and being fat were a down side but the cravings made nearly everything taste good and his other senses were heightened too. People treat you special and you get a lot of gifts but now he wished he never had any of those thoughts of pregnancy being a positive experience because it truly did suck! He couldn't bend over at all at this point and even standing for a short period of time seemed like cruel torture. He couldn't find anything that gave him comfort and didn't want to have anyone hover over him so he would pretend like he felt better than he actually did.
The minute Naruto and Hinata stepped out the front door his mind started to go over all the things that caused him to have this stress. July was when he was due and each day the list of things to worry about grew longer making his head hurt and his medical problems intensify as he sat at home. He was never a person who liked to sit around watching TV and there weren't many books which sparked his interest so laying around in bed or lounging on the couch worrying was all he did till Naruto and Hinata came home at night. He would pretend like he couldn't have a care in the world while inside his mind couldn't take a break his previous life was coming to an end right before his eyes and there was nothing he could do about it. Having this sense of impending doom wasn't good for the babies but he couldn't help it. The world he knew before was crashing down around him and something new was going to replace it. He just didn't know how prepared he was. When Naruto encouraged him to keep the twins that day at the hospital and go through with the pregnancy it made him feel like he was finally getting back what was taken from him in the massacre but with it being so much more work he didn't know if it was worth it anymore. There were pros and cons for everything he had done up until this point but all of these thoughts bouncing around in his head made him feel like he was prematurely aging. This was just too much for one person to handle.
It was the weekend and Sasuke had gotten out of bed at six thirty in the morning. The last few weeks he always woke up early and took naps during the day. He rolled out of bed and went to the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water to take his vitamins and pills before he went down the hall into the room that was going to be the nursery. He did this every once in a while just to get use to sitting in there. It was the biggest room in this part of the house and thanks to Neji it had everything the twins would need. Sasuke didn't know where the Hyuga boy had gotten so much money to afford all of these things but he didn't care.
The room had white walls with a dark blue boarder going around the room. The clan symbol was painted on the first wall you see when you enter and underneath it was one of the cribs. It was made of dark wood that was polished and had dark blue bedding that matched the boarder on the walls with a changing station besides it. In the middle of the room was a large, dark red rug and on the opposite wall was the other matching crib and framed pictures. Some of the pictures were of the village and others were ones Sasuke had found of his family and a couple Iruka had found of himself and Naruto. And next to large window with heavy curtains was a rocking chair made of the same wood as the cribs. Sasuke sat in the chair a lot lately re-reading baby books or looking out the window.
The window looked out into the backyard which was covered in snow. The weather was getting colder all the time and the snow didn't seem like it was going to let up any time soon which today added another concern to his already lengthy mental list of worries. Although July was his due date its common knowledge that a lot of twins are born premature. So if the snow didn't let up and Sasuke was to go into labor he would be stuck at home till they somehow manager to get him to the hospital which in really bad weather conditions was at least an hour and a half away and they didn't own a car. It made Sasuke's hair on the back of his neck stand up when he thought about going into labor at all so if he was so unlucky as to go into labor and be stuck at home until God knows when would be a disaster! He could be in labor for over a day with out any medication since the only way he could get the twins out of his body would be to have surgery which knocks out having an at home birth since its physically impossible.
"Hey, Sasuke." Naruto was tapping Sasuke on the top of the head before the raven even knew the blond was in the room.
"Oh, what are you doing up so early? You know its Saturday you don't have school and everything is closed down anyway until the weather gets better."
"Yeah, I know. Cant I just sit in here with you?"
Sasuke shrugged, "I guess." and he went back to reading.
Naruto sat next to the chair and talked with Sasuke about the chapter he was reading even though hey both had discussed it before. Sasuke would have thought of this as a nice moment if he didn't already know Naruto wanted to attempted having a serious conversation again. The blond always tried to be careful not to say the wrong thing so he would start out by just spending quality time together with Sasuke or acting like he wanted to talk about some totally unrelated subject. But after a while he would change the topic and Sasuke would get frustrated ,leave the room and Naruto would feel bad and the rest of the day there would be tension you could cut with a knife.
"So what do you think we are having since you didn't want to ask the doctor about the genders? Do you think you want boys or girls? Personally I think one of each would be nice. "He reached up and patted Sasuke's stomach.
The raven didn't look up from the page, "Sure. That sounds like a reasonable thought."
"Yeah ya'know because with one boy and one girl you get the best of both worlds. Even though it's not like I have the best track record with women so I always imagine how much a daughter would hate me when she gets to be a teenager. But I guess if we did have a girl she could hang out with Hinata and do girly stuff. And for sure Hinata could handle things like when she gets her…you know what."
Sasuke pulled Naruto's hand away from him and said, "If we did end up having a girl she can't have female bonding or whatever you're implying with Hinata because Hinata is eventually going to move out. So if you're worried about dealing with our daughter or even daughters having their periods you better have your fingers crossed that they both come out having dicks." He closed the book with a sharp, echoing snap and threw it on the floor.
"Whoa, whoa you didn't have to get all serious with me Sasuke I was just joking. And sure Hinata has been saving for that apartment but we both know she isn't going anywhere."
"What are you talking about? Of course she is moving out. Do you expect her to live with us forever?"
Naruto shyly looked up at Sasuke, "Well…I kind of…thought she would when I moved in."
"News flash she is not. This was never suppose to be a permanent set up in the first place. She has the money, she has a boyfriend, and she wants her own life. There is nothing holding her back so she is going to leave. And what made you think she would stay any way? She is our friend not our wife!"
"Hey, I just came in here to be with you I didn't want to start anything." Naruto stood to leave but Sasuke's hormones and adrenaline had kicked and he was ready to get into yet another argument.
"To late now! I know you wanted to come in here and start asking me all sorts of idiotic questions just to lead up to what you really wanted to say so come back here and say whatever the fuck you have to say so you can leave me alone." Sasuke was standing now trying to look as intimidating as he could even though he assumed he was not doing it well.
Naruto turned around, "Fine you want to know what I have to say then Sasuke?"
"Yeah I do."
"I want to know what your feeling. I want to know what you are thinking, and most of all I want to know why you are being such a bitch. That's what I want to know! I mean we have only really been dating since, like, last month and before you were finally letting me in. I thought I was really getting close to you and now all of the sudden you shut the door and blotted it shut!"
"I tell you what you need to know."
"Which is what, nothing? I mean you tell me next to nothing like I'm an idiot! Ok, never mind that part because I know I can be an idiot but still! I'm the father and your best friend yet you have just, just shut me out of things completely without warning! Like did I do something or even not do something? I got a job and I try and take care of you but you just get all cold and distant. It's like we are back to where we started when I first meet you and I got to say I hate old ass-hole Sasuke!"
"To bad I am an ass-hole I would think you would know that by now! And I don't want you to be apart of this because who said I ever even wanted this anyway? I sure as hell didn't. You persuaded me to do this, you encouraged me to do this and the only thing I asked of you was not to comment on how fat I am and you are such a moron that you couldn't even do that!"
"Ok, I call you fat because you are! But I never said it like it's a bad thing your freaking pregnant you knew you would get fat so what is so bad about me poking fun at you ever once in a while about it? I just what my friend back. I just want you to tell me how I can help you or even just talk to me."
Sasuke glared, "I don't want to talk with you. I don't want to talk with anyone."
Things went quite and even the short amount of time Sasuke had been standing was making is feet and back hurt but he wasn't going to avert his eyes from Naruto's. The blond narrowed his eyes and the way he was looking at Sasuke was making him slightly afraid. Naruto's eyes usually had such light to them but now they seemed dark and cloudy. Sasuke realized Naruto was angrier than he had ever seen him before. Even the expression he had when he got into a fight didn't compare to the way he was looking at Sasuke now.
"So you don't want to talk. You don't want to talk with me. Of all the god dame people in the whole FUCKING WORLD YOU CHOOSE NOT TO SPEAK TO ME?" Naruto was fuming, "I try so hard and it's all for you Sasuke. You said that you loved me and I love you too but I just don't get you. Do you want to be alone is that it? Was it wrong for us to become friends and for me or anyone one of your other so called friends to want to get close to you because I have to say I'm getting sick of all of this crap your putting out"
Naruto came closer and Sasuke felt his heart rate go up and he had to arch his neck to keep looking in Naruto's eyes. Since they live together and saw one another everyday he hadn't notice how much taller the blond had gotten. He gulped and took a step back.
"I thought a family was suppose to trust each other and be there for each other and I assumed since you actually got to have a real family unlike me you would know more than I did but apparently I was wrong about that just like I'm wrong about so many things as far as you are concerned. But I just think you're stuck in the past. Do you even care that you're hurting me? Do you care that your hurting Hinata, the girl you said you wished to be with not so long ago. And I'm the man whose children your carrying and I only want to be there for you and your pushing both of us away. Hinata doesn't want to leave. She doesn't say it but we both know she wants to stay its just because of the way your acting that she feels that she has to leave and frankly I wonder if you want me out too. Do you want to be alone in this place again? Because if that's what you want I can raise the kids on my own AND YOU CAN SUFFER BY YOURSELF AND DIE ALONE IF THAT'S WHAT YOUR TRYING TO TELL ME YOU WANT!"
He grabbed Sasuke's wrist and clamped on tight. He felt Sasuke trying to control himself but the boy couldn't keep from trembling. He didn't want to scare Sasuke but he was beyond fed up. He had Sakura break his heart but Sasuke had meandered it and put it back together with that one kiss they shared but to have Sasuke take away that same happiness at the drop of a hat was crazy. He cared so deeply for Sasuke and he just wanted to help. He wanted to be the father he never had he wanted that more than any dream he had ever had and Sasuke was never going to get in his way of that.
"I-I don't want to be alone." Sasuke couldn't keep up the tough act any longer, tears came streaming down his face and he felt his face heat up with embarrassment. Stupid unstable hormones. "I'-I'm just r-really s-scared but I can't g-get past my own p-pride to admit it. Everything has changed and I'm fine with it but I-I don't think I'm good enough to deal with it. You just said it yourself that I-I'm a cold, emotionally distant, ass hole!"
Naruto let Sasuke go and the raven sat in the rocking chair wiping his tears and speaking between sobs. "I don't tell you anything because what the heck do you have to worry about? You're going to be a great dad. Why should you even be concerned with whether the kids like you or not? They will love you more than me a-anyway. I would love you more if I had the choice! I'm not the type of p-person who should have ever been able to procreate. I would let you take the kids if I haven't gotten so accustomed to having you around. I was so lonely before and I am even more terrified of feeling that again even though I know I'm pushing you away at the same time. I'm so confused and scared and I just don't think I can do this!"
The blond scratched the back of his head and felt awkward watching Sasuke cry. He had never seen his friend cry like this and Naruto was the one who made him feel this badly. But he was happy that after a month he got his answer even if it wasn't at all what he expected. It was right to think that Sasuke was feeling anxiety over typical parts of pregnancy like the labor and delivery even if Sasuke wouldn't talk about that but to find out that Sasuke thought Naruto was going to be loved more by the babies seemed ridiculous.
"I mean Naruto there is nothing, absolutely nothing else I could ask for you to do to help me. I am the one with the problems, me, not you. And as far as it goes with Hinata I want her to stay with us forever too and that has nothing to do with the feelings I have with her it's just that she has been keeping us sanity this whole time and I think that without her putting me in a good light that you might not …you might not like me anymore. Without her your going to see I cant cook or anything so I cant take care of you .I have never even held a baby before so I know I'm just going to suck at this parenting thing. You work so hard and I won't be able to keep up my end."
Naruto put his arms around Sasuke and made the rocking chair move back and fort slowly. The creaking of the chair echoed and Naruto looked out at the snow as Sasuke continued to sniffle and hide his face.
"Why couldn't you tell me any of this before?"
"Because I didn't want you to see how weak I am."
"Everyone is weak Sasuke. And this is a sensitive time for the both of us. But you admitting that you need me or that you have fears doesn't make me think any less of you. Actually it makes me feel like I have a purpose. You have always been one of those guys who could take over the world single handed if you wanted to so to see you like this makes you seem normal. You're awesome Sasuke. I'm lucky to have you and I know you worry a lot and bottle it up but it's not good. You can talk to me because that's what I'm here for. And I promise you that things are going to be really tough but we will figure it out. Everything that's weighing you down is going to be fine as long as we do it together."
The two of them stayed huddled together and Sasuke did feel comforted by Naruto. This was nice he had found someone that could put up with him and who was just what he needed. His mental list of issues didn't seem so scary anymore. He could do this as long as he had Naruto.
"Naruto."
"Yeah, Teme."
"We should ask Hinata to stay permanently. This is her home just as much as it is ours. And if she wanted we could ask Kiba to move in. They are in love and it's not like we are short on space here. So even if he isn't my favorite person in the world I can learn to like him for her sake. And we might as well ask Sakura if she and Lee want to also if you're alright with that."
"I will always feel the same way you feel about Hinata but she is my friend first before she is my heartbreaker so, yeah I'm ok with asking them. Her and Bushy brows can stay here if they want to. We can be one big weird family together. I think they all will be so surprised at how giving and generous your being." Naruto messed up Sasuke's hair before putting his arms back around the boys' neck.
"They probably will. I wouldn't be surprised by them feeling that way. But if you can be optimistic and Hinata can become stronger I can try and be a little bit nicer. And maybe after Sakura gets married she and Lee will give our kids a playmate."
Naruto pictured a baby girl with pink hair, a massive forehead and insane eyebrows and had to shake that image out of his head.
"Or maybe Kiba and Hinata will. Or we can get a girlfriend for Akamaru and have a bunch of puppies around."
If the two other couples did move in Sasuke could only think of how crazy things would be with so many people in one house. And once his friends did have their own children their house would only get wilder. Plus the massive mutt Kiba was sure to drag along with him was sure to cause another set of crazy problems. But thinking about a full dinner table or holidays with a hoard of smiling children and friends warmed Sasuke's heart. The Uchiha clan was not back completely but perhaps this new sort of clan would be better. Sasuke looked up at Naruto who was giving him his classic smile and kissed one of the tan hands that Naruto had around his shoulders. Hinata was right when she said opposites attract.