Chapter 10

"We love you Han." Emily's voice breaks as tears tumble down her tan cheeks and she looks at Aria and Spencer who nod their head in agreement through their own tears.

"I love you too." I whisper with a smile. They were the best friends I could ever ask for and I will never ever forget about them.

After I almost flatlined the doctors managed to get my heart rate back to normal and allowed the girls to come and see me which I guess means they know I won't be here for much longer.

I thought the girls would be more up beat when they got into my room and would start chatting to me like Mona did last night but instead they seemed to know too that this is a goodbye and haven't stopped crying since they all sat down.

Spencer's looks to the side before poking Aria and Emily's arms and pointing to the door where Caleb is stood, patiently waiting to see me.

I can't help but smile knowing he'll finally be able to see me and talk to me, even if it is the last time.

All three girls place kisses on my cheek before they exit my room, leaving he door open for Caleb. It's the first time he's seen the state my body is in and tears instantly fill his eyes as he swallows a lump in his throat. His chocolate eyes scan over my many cuts and bruises and my grey skin before he shakes his head from all the awful thoughts I know had filled it about my accident and he closes the door.

He hesitates as he steps towards my bed and drags the chair closer before he sits down. He reaches out and places the tips of his fingers over the skin of my hand so delicately, like he thinks I'm going to fall apart if he's too rough, but instead a faint tingling feeling fills my fingertips and I move to lean against the wall next to my bed, wanting to be as close to him as possible.

He clears his throat as his eyes move back up to my face and he opens his mouth. "I..." He trails off and I know he's trying to figure out what to say. "I don't know if you can hear me- the doctors said you might be able to.." He trails off again as he takes a deep breath. "I really hope you can."

He slips into silence again as his fingers continue to lightly run over my hand and a deep frown settles on his face as I guess he's thinking about what to say. I expect it to be similar to the goodbye the girls told me a few minutes ago but he seems to have a lot to tell me before that.

"I was talking to Mona yesterday and she reminded me that I hadn't called you for ages before the crash," He begins and I want to tell him that I was there and heard everything. "I wasn't ignoring you Han, I needed you more than ever that day and I was so stupid. I was waiting for my mom to pick me up when I texted you to see if you were awake so I could call you because I was kinda freaking out." His lips tug into a small smile as he carries on explaining.

"And I was outside a gift shop and saw this and thought about you." His hand pulls away from mine as he reaches into the pocket of his jacket and pulls out the small black box with the 'Soulmates' necklace inside.

"It was only ten dollars but I couldn't not buy it after we stayed out till midnight, watching the stars." His smile grows wider at the memory of that night and he opens the box and takes out the silver chain. "I don't know how but I managed to loose my phone when I was buying it so I couldn't call to every night like I said I would, but I never stopped thinking about you Han." He looks back up at me, his eyes thick with emotion before he unclasps the chain of the necklace.

I watch as he glances around at all the tubes that are going in and out of my body before he decides there's no way he's getting the necklace around my neck with out having to pull out my breathing tube, so instead he takes my palm in his and drops the chain into my hand. My static fingers clench around it as he squeezes them together before he places his fingertips back on my arm and rubs it again, soothingly.

"You were right about my mom," He says as his eyes fix on my pale skin and an appreciating glaze covers his eyes. "About phoning her and going out to see her. I always felt like a part of me was missing, not knowing who I came from and I would always get this pain in my chest whenever someone asked me about my family and all I could do was shrug, but that stopped when I met you." His hands squeezes my arms, comfortingly. "You filled up the huge hole in my heart with all your love and happiness and then when you persuaded me to go to Cali you fixed everything last broken thing about me."

He's face is frowning, highlighting the vain of his forehead and I can tell that what he's just said has come straight from his heart. He doesn't open up and show vulnerability often but I know he trusts me completely and when he does his words warm up my insides.

"And I know that I have my mom and brothers now but I still feel like an outsider with them." A small sigh leaves his lips. "There lives are so different that I don't think I'll ever fit in properly there."

His eyes are welling with tears and his vain twitch as his emotions start to build up and his voice starts to break like it does whenever he has to relive his past. As much as he's so willing to get to know his new family I don't think he'll ever be able to forgive his mother properly and I don't blame him. What he went through will haunt him forever and will always be in the background of every choice he makes so it makes sense that a part of him will resent her as much as he is growing to love her too.

He shakes his head and forces a smile and I know he's determined to it make this about him although I love when he talks through his problems with me and I think deep down he knows I won't mind.

"What I mean is that your my family Hanna and you always will be, no matter what. You and your parents and your home will always be the first place I think of whenever anyone asks me where I came from because it's where I found myself."

His words sting as I feel my eyes start to water and squeeze them shut. My parents will always be my home too, the place where I felt the most myself and the place I felt the safest.

He seems to realise what he's said too and bites his lip. His eyes close painfully slowly as he registers that what he's recently gained back, I've lost.

His head lowers and I can tell he didn't want to change the subject so quickly. He wanted to carry on talking like I could respond before he even broached the topic of me, my coma and my dead family.

He raises his head and let's out a deep shaky breath as he drags his chair impossibly closer to me and clings onto my arm. "I'm so sorry about your mom and dad Han, I really am." He looks at me with a mix of sympathy and gentleness written into his face as he watches the steady rising of my chest. "And the crash- none of you deserved it, any of it."

He purses his lips like he's trying to decide if he should say what's on the tip of his tongue before he he sighs and gives in.

"I get that you wouldn't want to wake up without your parents here because I know what it's like to not have them around and it's pretty shit." He swallows. "Really, really shit actually." His eyes lower as he speaks. "There were so many times when I wanted to just fall asleep and not wake up- to not exist anymore, but then I met you." His lips tremble before he closes his eyes for a second to collect himself and continues.

"You were the only family I had for so long and you always will be my only real family." His voice shakes again and I think back to what he said about still feeling like an outsider to the Dawson's. After all this time of only being able to guess how he'd felt his whole life- not having his mothers soothing voice to comfort him or his fathers proud smile- I can relate to him now and understand the emptiness he must have felt inside.

"So I can do the same for you." His words take me by surprise as he clears his throat and speaks more confidently. "I'll be your family Han, like you're mine. I know it won't be the same but I'll try my best." A hopeful smile lifts his lips slightly. "I'll cheer you up when your sad and I'll make you laugh. I'll wipe away your tears when you cry and I'll always be there to talk about anything, I promise."

My eyes well with tears as the smile on his face widens to a grin and I turn away, not being able to see the hope and optimism that's written on to his features and knowing that it's all for nothing and in a few hours everything will be over.

"When I was in California my mom was asking about collage and my step-dad said he had connections to a company in New York," He tells me, the smile still stuck to his lips. "And he's got me an interview for a job there in a couple of weeks. I was going to keep it a surprise until I was sure I had the job but things are different now." His voice slips into a whisper as his fingers stroke my arm again.

"I know it's always been your dream to move to New York and we can do that now. My job with pay for you to go to collage and an apartment for us to live in, it'll probably be tiny but it'll be ours." He grins again and I can't help but smile too. He's like my prince in shining armour and I only wish it was so simple and we could escape to New York for the rest of our lives, away from all the death and pain.

"I just.." He trails off and shakes his head slightly as he thinks of what he's going to say. "I can't let you give up now Han." His voice cracks and my head lowers again. "All I can think about is how fucked up it would be for your life to end here. I mean I know that your life is fucked up no matter what now, forever, and I'm not dumb enough to think that I can undo that, no one can. But I can't wrap my mind around the thought of you not getting old and having kids, or going to New York and becoming this amazing designer so you can share all your work with everyone else and they can get the chills like I do from your beautiful smile and the way your face lights up when you're talking about what you love."

He's speaking with so much determination and clinging onto my arm like its the only thing keeping me in front of him and not disappearing forever.

His smile drops as he glances over his shoulder to the waiting room where everyone is still sat before he turns back to me and his eyes close painfully slowly. "The social worker came to talk to us the other day and she said that if you wake up, coming back to your old life might be too hard and that maybe it will be easier for you to forget about us." His emotions keep getting the better of him and seeping through as he speaks but until now he's been able to push them back. "And I would hate for that to happen, but I'd do it." His voice cracks as he swallows his pride and let's two tears roll down his cheek. "If it's what you want then you won't ever have to see me again. I'll leave so you can start a new life wherever you want and do whatever you want- whatever makes you happy."

The tears are streaming down my cheeks too as I look at the boy sat by my bedside, begging me to wake. I wouldn't blame him for walking away. I wouldn't be mad if he had given up on me and left but instead he's just proving how selfless and beautiful he really is. The fact that someone who has so little is willing to give it all up and force himself to leave so I that my life will be content and as painless as possible makes me love him even more than I did before. I don't think I could've ever found some one as special as Caleb Rivers.

"You can't die now," He croaks out. "You have so much talent and love and passion to give the world that you just can't stop here. Even if you do choose to move on, I'll still pay for your collage and an apartment for you, wherever you want to live." His long fingers squeeze my arm tight as he purses his lips, droplets of water still escaping from the corners of his eyes. "And you won't have to worry about me," He lets out the smallest of smiles. "As long as I know your safe and happy wherever you are, then I'll be okay too because I can lose you like that if I don't lose you today. I'll let you go, if you stay."

His fingers trail down my arms and clasp with my own, joining them together with the soulmates necklace he bought me lying in between us, linking us together. He lifts his gaze from our hands to my face and all I see is love. Love and desperation.

Loosing my parents so suddenly and with no warning has left a crater inside me that nothing will ever fill but the look Caleb gives me now, the look so pure and meaningful that it makes my heart buzz inside my chest and for the first time since in the three days I've been here a small amount of hope floods my body.

And that's just it.

That's how we manage to survive loss. Because of love, it never dies, it never goes away, it never fades. So as long as I never forget about my parents or never stop talking about them they'll always be with me, in every choice I make and in every path my life leads me down.

I know they wouldn't want this for me. They wouldn't want to give up here, they'd want me to keep fighting and make something of myself... to be myself and do what I want to do with my life. They'd want me to love my job and my family and keep their memory alive in my own children. Maybe I was too quick to make my decision? Maybe I was too quick to give up because now I realise what I really want.

Caleb stands up from where he was sat by my side and roughly wipes his cheeks dry with his palm before he reaches out and runs his fingers over my pale cheek. He traces the skin under my eye before slowly, he leans over and places two butterfly soft kisses on my closed eyelids.

He pulls back and blinks, his long eyelashes tickling my face before his lips part and he whispers, "I love you Hanna Marin." His breath ghosts over my lips before he leans forward and joins us in the most delicate of kisses.

It's so soft and gentle that my eyes drift shut from where I'm stood next to my body and I'm submerged in darkness as a tingling feeling spreads throughout me, from my lips right down to my toes.

Caleb's lips pull away from mine but my eyes don't open and the warm, fuzzy feeling doesn't stop. There's a split second of silence before a slow beeping sound fills my ears and the smell of antibacterial cleaner fills my nose. Darkness still surrounds me though and I rub my dry lips together in search for Caleb's before something shuffles next to me.

"Hanna?" Caleb broken voice echoes as he locks our fingers together again and squeezes so tight.

I gasp as the tingling feeling stops and my fingers contract around his before my eyes blink open and I find a pair of chocolate brown orbs staring down at me, blurred slightly by the blinding lights that hang from the ceiling. A huge grin spreads across his face as he wipes away his tears and cups my cheek lovingly, relief washing over his features.

"Your awake."

I really hope this chapter lives up to expectations and you enjoyed this short story. I love you all and your reviews mean so much so thank you so so much for every single one. Xxx