Previously, on the Justice friends:
Ring Ring Ring
"Has that phone been ringing this whole time?" April wonders aloud.
"I don't…think so?" Rose looks over to Krystal, ignoring Danny. "Has it?"
"I never noticed…maybe."
"Look, just pick it up." Danny says, grabbing the purple cell phone and answering; filling the word with disturbingly garbled audio; as if someone had placed their hand on a record and is playing it in reverse.
?htworg tnalp no srezilitref fo sepyt suoirav fo ecneulfni eht etacidni ot stnemirepxe yrotarobal kciuq ni meht fo emos yolpme ot elbissop ylisaeeb ton ti dlouW .smsinahcem suolevram ruoy fo esu relluf yb dedeeps si tnempoleved larutlucirga ssam that elbatenlam si tI
".evitaerc fo yoj eht suoenaropmetnoc swonk modles –reneg erutuf yb edam eb lliw sesu sseltnouC .thgir era uoy
"…What the fuck was that?"
"Anyone else think that sounded like Russian?" Danny chuckles, looking around
"Nyet, Comrade." Rose says, her disapproving expression returning upon remembering his actions.
"That was…oh god." Tobie wipes his face, determination replacing his fear. "Just a distraction, we can still do this. Keanu, camera status; where are the animals? Please tell me Freddy is still on the stage."
"Goddammit…" Keanu exclaims, looking into the monitors and flipping back to the stage, his eyes wide as saucers as he sees the now-empty platform.
"Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho" The sound of deep laughter comes from the right hallway.
"That can't be good…" Keanu gulps, looking around the dim room, readying his hand above the button to close the right door.
Meanwhile, in the Legion of Doom...
Keanu is sitting at the desk, vigorously flipping through each camera with Tobie standing directly behind him, looking over his shoulder. Danny and Rose are sitting along the counter in the back of the room, repeatedly punching each other in the arm as Krystal and April stand in front of each window; keeping watch beside both closed doors.
"Oh fuck, of fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck!" Keanu stammers, eyes fixed on the empty showstage. He flicks through each camera at an increasingly rapid pace in an attempt to locate the now AWOL bear. "Where the fuck did he go?"
"Keanu, keep your shit together! If you're going to spaz out, well, the door is right there." Tobie gestures toward the right-hand door, sternly holding his hands against the desk and examining the cameras.
"That's easy for you to say dude; you're not the one sitting at this computer and trying to locate murderbots!"
"No, but you're also not the one who stared them down. Literally, you and April are the only two here who didn't have to deal with these things up close so calm the fuck down and breathe you petulant shit!"
A large crash and the clanking of pots interrupt Keanu from responding, causing the tan-skinned boy to shrink in his chair and clasp his hands around his ears with clenched eyes.
"What the fuck was that? Oh shit, oh shit, we are so fucked!"
"Goddammit Keanu, shut the fuck up! We can't have you freaking the fuck out and upsetting everyone else. You're making Danny cry!"
Both boys look back at Danny who stops punching Rose in the arm and stares back at them, letting out a laugh.
"Ha, no I'm not, but you know who would be great to save the day right about now? Shazam!"
Tobie and Keanu exchange glances before the former rests his face directly in his palm with a groan.
"Goddammit Danny. Fucking seriously? This isn't the goddamn time or place for your bullshit.
"What? I'm just saying that Shazam would totally be great right now! He'd save the day in a…Flash." Danny says with a wink, turning his attention to Keanu. "Page, you're a fan of Marvel right? Don't you agree that Shazam would totally come save us if given the chance?
Keanu looks at Danny in shock, his fearful eyes shifting into a rage-filled glare. The boy's jaw drops in shock, unsure of how to respond; his lips quivering as he tries to find the right words before a look of severe annoyance sets in.
"Danny…there are so many things wrong with that sentence you just said. First off, what the actual fuck? His name is Captain Marvel, not 'Shazam' Shazam is the name of the wizard who gave him his powers! Secondly, he belongs to DC, NOT Marvel. For the love of fuck! You're screwing with me…you ass."
Danny grins gleefully, clapping his hands together with a cough before continuing.
"First, tell that to the New 52; second, why is his name Captain Marvel if he doesn't belong to Marvel?" Danny asks, smugly.
"New what?" Keanu stammers, befuddled.
"Also. Remember that old TV series Shazam? The kid would go outside and yell 'SHAZAM!' and then turn into a hunky man with yellow underwear outside his tights and a white half-cape. Guys come on, if we put our minds together, I'm sure that we can summon him! Everybody join hands." Danny takes hold of Rose and April's hands and closes his eyes.
"The Moxy of Seuss comma Dr.
The sex appeal Hugh Heffner
The intelligence of Abba
The beard of Z.Z. Top
The existence Adam Ant
The charisma of Mephistopheles
I am... SHAZAM! Just then, a bolt of lightning comes down and strikes Danny, turning him into TV's Jackson Bostwick. He then proceeds to fly through the restaurant and beat the robots to death with his Fazbear hands. Then flies back to bask in the adoration of all of his friends and Keanu. You may hold your applause, citizens."
Danny opens his eyes, looking around the room and laughing; somewhat disbelieving that no one has stopped his ironic joke yet.
"Crap, looks like it didn't work."
"Looks like somebody didn't believe hard enough. Who was it? Alright ladies, line up; it's spanking time." Tobie says, joining in.
Livid with his pirate friend's actions, as well as those of his self-proclaimed 'best friend' Keanu sits up in his seat and looks at Danny sternly. After an obligatory period of silence, he gets out of his chair and approaches the pirate.
"Dude, cut it out. You know very well what you are doing…stop."
"Whatever do you mean Page? Tobie, do you know what he's talking about?"
"Hm…no, can't say that I do." The blond weighs in, playing with the strings on his purple hoodie with a smirk. "Marvel really created a masterpiece with Shazam. He has all of the intelligence of freaking Abba!"
"Fucking you too? Goddammit Tobie!" Keanu throws his hands into the air, pacing around the room.
"I actually don't even like Shazam; I would much rather be Iron Man! He, at least, knows how to do his superheroing in style. Not to mention that I would be a man in a robot suit, beating up robots, dressed like animals; perfect poetic justice! I suppose Joey could keep on being a furry though. What do you think Page? Who's better? DC's Iron Man or Marvel's Captain Marvel?"
"First off, I told you guys to stop calling me fucking Page! You wonder why I don't get into your shitty Homescratch comic, or whatever the fuck it's called,"
"Now who's being hurtful?" Danny asks, smugly. "You hurt my feelings, apologize."
"-Yet continue to treat me as though I'm some sort of parasite. Secondly, and most importantly, why the fuck are you both tag-teaming me on this? Both of you know very well that, one, his name is Captain Marvel, two, he is DC, and three; he is made up of absolutely none of those things that you listed! God fucking dammit; why the hell do I continue to hang out with you dicks? Seriously, not even Michael would make this many mistakes with comic lore!" He exclaims, ignoring Danny.
"Danny…I think he's laughing at your boners." Rose chimes in, smarmily rolling her eyes.
"SO! THEY LAUGH AT MY BONER, WILL THEY? I'LL SHOW THEM! I'LL SHOW THEM HOW MANY BONERSS THE JOKER CAN MAKE! THIS EMPHASIS ON BONERS HAS GIVEN ME AN IDEA FOR A NEW ADVENTURE OF CRIME! GOTHAM CITY WILL RUE THE DAY IT MENTIONED THE WORD BONER!" Danny exclaims, throwing his arms into the air as Keanu looks on in disbelief, reeling with each and every one of Danny's boners, clearly not understanding the reference. "Well IDIOT, looks like you're being serious about this bullshit; prepare to get school-fed all about the wicked news. First off, as if I didn't already know that DC owns Captain Marvel; what kind of dumbass wouldn't? That'd be like me also not knowing that he first appeared in February of 1940's Whiz Comics second issue, a issue belonging to a comic line owned by Fawcett Comics. It'd also be as stupid as me not knowing that Fawcett had to fight Detective Comics, or as you know them now, DC in court over the rights to use him; you know, because of his striking resemblance to Superman. Or that Fawcett eventually gave up the rights of the character due to his decline in popularity no longer being worth the court dues." Danny says, taking a breath. "Maybe it'd also be as stupid as someone who doesn't realize that the name 'Captain Marvel' has been owned by Marvel Comics since the 60's, due to the trademark on the name expiring and them buying it out as soon as possible; leading to a constant release of one-shot and limited comics in the 'Captain Marvel' name. Then again, I suppose that an idiot such as yourself would still be stupid enough to still refer to the character as 'Captain Marvel'; Hell you probably don't even realize that DC is forced to refer to their 'Captain Marvel' franchise, which didn't get new life till the 70's, along with a TV series, as 'Shazam' since they no longer own the rights to the name. Of course, what kid wouldn't read up on a series about a young boy who is able to transform into a literal demi-god by uttering a single word, and retain his personality and everything that makes him…well, him? Furthermore-"
"Aha!" Keanu interjects, cutting Danny off and catching him off guard; smirking triumphantly. "Fucking noob! If you knew anything about the character, you would know that CAPTAIN MARVEL, as he is still referred to in-issue, and Billy Batson are two different characters. When Billy yells 'Shazam', he is transformed into the Captain and said Captain overrides his personality. You screwed up your facts, your argument is invalid, fucking noob. Maybe next time you should-"
"Except for the fact that that was overwritten a few years ago by Crisis on Infinite Earths. Sure, Fawcett may have treated the two as separate characters, but now that Captain Marvel is DC property and living in the same universe as Batman, Superman, and all of the other big name heroes, it has become common knowledge that Billy now retains his personality upon transformation. It is also common knowledge, to those of us who aren't stone cold retarded fucks, that this was done so the Captain could retain his sunny, happy-go-lucky disposition in the modern, gritty world of comics; you raging douche. But hey, at least now you're not worrying about the rampaging death bots that are looking for us throughout the restaurant; now are you?" Danny says, a massive grin on his face.
Everyone in the room goes silent as they simultaneously remember where they presently are. Keanu's face drains of all color as the damning reminder of their dire situation sets in; his heart sinking to a new low as his body begins to shake again.
"Fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck! How could I forget about that? We are so fucked; here we are discussing comics while our death literally stalks outside these doors! I don't know why I allowed you guys to talk me into this! When we get out I am never, ever, talking to a single one of you ag-"
Danny's fist slams into Keanu's jaw, sending the boy flopping on the ground where he proceeds to lie; unconscious. Danny readjusts his pirate hat and kneels beside him, sighing.
"What a loss that would be." Danny says, rubbing his fist. "This is why I started talking comics in the first place, Dipshit. I was trying to avoid this, but you insist on freaking out everytime someone mentions the killer death bots outside. Oh well, try not to stay asleep too long; prolonged unconsciousness will give you brain damage." He says, standing up and walking over to the desk, pulling out the chair and glancing at the screen. "Not that anybody here would notice if you did."
"What the fuck Danny?" Krystal exclaims, rushing to Keanu's side and raising his head on her knee. "You didn't have to hit him."
"But he was coming right at me!" Danny grins, flipping through the screens. "Besides, I got him to stop freaking out; didn't I?"
"Yes…but still, you didn't have to knock him out."
"I already tried that by giving him something else to complain about. It's not my fault that he wouldn't stop screaming when he remembered where he was. Just be glad I stopped him when I did; he's much more tolerable this way."
"He had a point though; we should pay some mind to the killer robots outside these doors. It feels like kind of a waste of time to spend valuable minutes talking about superheroes and stuff." April says this with an unsure sigh, crouching next to Keanu.
"Nonsense! The best movies are those that actually take time to acknowledge the world outside of the plot. Tobie, give them the Clerks speech."
"It isn't a Clerk's speech jerk off, Clerks is just the example I choose to use." Tobie pushes his glasses back onto his face as he begins pacing around the room; preparing to talk.
"Just get the fuck on with it, Short Stuff."
"Ignoring that!" The blond yells, turning to address April and Krystal. "I'm going to focus this speech on the two of you, as I've gone through it with Danny and Rose a few times already. Haven't you guys ever noticed how the characters in most movies and TV shows only ever talk about the plot, or at the very least something that pertains to it? Seriously, we are typically presented with a set of characters that we are supposed to relate to, say a group of friends much like us, and expected to believe that they NEVER discuss anything with each other that isn't about what is currently happening on-screen. Slasher movie? We get the chance to watch a group of teenagers who are supposedly "best friends" talk about who the killer might be and who might be next. I mean sure, it is understandable that some dialogue would focus on the gruesome killings…but are we seriously expected to believe that NOTHING else interesting happens in these towns? What were these kids doing and talking about before the killer came around? Did they all just sit around and do nothing until some random person decided to go around, slaughtering everyone he met? Do people stop going to movies, watching TV, doing homework, gossiping, or generally hanging out with their friends at Wendys just because plot happens? It's bullshit that some works tend to go out of their way to act as though these people don't have lives."
"Well I see where you're coming from, but don't you think that it makes sense that they'd talk about a killer going around in their town? I mean, we do get to see people see movies and practice sports, it's just not as important as people dealing with a serial killer in a movie about serial killers. I'm sure they do talk about other things, but what would be more important than whatever killer is now plaguing their small town?" Krystal asks, playing with her.
"Well Krystal I am glad you brought that up. Sure, as I said, it makes sense to dedicate some time to talking about the plot, it is a movie after all, but think about it this way. Remember when that doctor was euthanizing patients left and right a few years back?"
"Yeah, what about it?"
"Did we spend literally every waking moment or discussion that we had talking about it? Wondering who would have been next had he not been caught, etc? No, we didn't. We went and saw movies, hung out at lunch, and had sleepovers like normal kids. Life doesn't stop just because plot occurs. Yes plot is necessary to some extent, but it shouldn't be the driving force of any scenario. That new movie Clerks is a prime example of what more movies should do."
"Spend time following two assholes in a gas station?"
"No…well yes, kind of. See, Clerks gets film-making right by addressing the fact that not enough stories spend time to show the characters being who they really are. They don't take time to show them go about their daily business or hold normal conversations with their friends. Any show that can spend a good ten-thirty in-universe minutes to have its characters relax and bullshit for a while is at least trying to make the movie feel that much more real. Think of it this way: Stand By Me is considered great because it details the lives of four boys in the 50's growing up on a quest to find a dead body. They spend so much of the movie talking about their lives, their dreams, their interests and so on that we can identify with them on a personal level. Sure, they talked about the body every now and again, but it never felt as though their quest was keeping them from acting like normal human beings. You don't need to forget that your plot exists to make a masterpiece, you just can't act as though the characters have literally nothing better to do than worry about whatever bullshit is going on."
"I…guess that does make sense." Krystal sighs, feeling Keanu's forehead. "I suppose we're better off not tacking Keanu panicking onto all the crap that's going on."
"It's true, at least now we can die with dignity." Rose looks down at the floor, in the direction of her unconscious friend and cracks a smile. "Well four of us can at least. It looks as though Keanu had a little bit of an…accident." She remarks, pointing at the boy's dampened crotch as the scent of ammonia fills the room.
"Oh my god, he is!" April exclaims, hurriedly backing away from Keanu. "That's…gross."
A dark gold pool begins to form around the unconscious boy's feet, making all around him scurry to the corners of the room. Tobie glances around the before approaching the boy with a sigh, crouching down and grabbing his shoulders as he proceeds to drag the boy's limp body beside the closed off west doorway.
"There, now nobody wake the baby till we have a set plan on what we are going to do. Danny, have you managed to locate the robots?"
"Is that what I'm supposed to be doing here? Fuck, I've just been playing solitaire."
"What the fuck dude? That's literally the only reason we're touching that thing to begin with. You're telling me that you haven't even bothered looking for one…wait, that thing has solitaire?"
"Nope." Danny spins around to face his friends, smiling like a man turning into a Cheshire Cat. "Of course I found the robots, dumbass. Bonnie is in the Dining Room, Chica is obviously in the Kitchen, and Freddy is in the Parts and Services room. Oh look, there's Joey! Everyone wave to Joey."
"Goddammit Danny, we talked about this." Rose says, crossing her arms and standing behind her Moirail.
"Fine." Danny flips the camera again to focus on the empty stage. He reaches into Tobie's bag beside the chair, looking at the Blond. "Mind if I grab a Sprite?"
"Huh? Sure, whatever." Tobie says, looking at the desk and drawing up coordinates of the robots on a blank piece of paper
"Chill." The Pirate cheers, grabbing a still-cold green bottle and proceeding to open it. "Damn, listen to that hiss. Now who do you think dun told it to do that? Shit's a motherfucking miracle." Danny finishes his reference by taking a sip from the bottle and looking back at Tobie. "So, what do we do now?"
"Good, well at least we now know where all of the robots are…now we just need to look for the rest of our 'friends'. Danny, keep an eye out for Allie, Hunter, and Drew; we may not have been able to save Ken or…Joey, but that doesn't mean we have to lose anybody else."
"Alright." He says, turning back to the monitors.
"April, did you and Keanu try calling out with that phone on the desk?"
"We did, it doesn't really seem to be able to call out. We tried everything from 911 to my parents and kept turning up with nothing." April responds, double tying her wavy black ponytail into a shape resembling a bun, prompting Krystal to look at her with a bemused expression on her face. "What? I figured it would be better to tie my hair as close to my body as possible. You know, so it'd be harder to grab."
"That makes sense, wanna help me with mine?" Krystal asks, running her hands through her silky jet-black hair. April nods and begins to work her new friend's hair into a bun, looking over to their group's blond leader.
"That…doesn't make any sense at all. We all heard the phone ring ten minutes ago, as well as what it said. I don't know a lot about phones, but I've overheard enough of my dad discussing telecom maintenance over his conference calls to know that a phone that is capable of receiving calls should also be capable of sending them…or something." Tobie says, side-stepping the two girls and squeezing between Rose and Danny. He lifts the phone off of its hook and places it to his ear. "Odd…no dial tone. Okay, that shouldn't be possible."
"Tobie, we are in a family-friendly restaurant with killer robots hunting each and every one of us down. There are a lot freakier things going on than a non-working phone." Rose says with enough sarcasm to kill a Madonna. "Danny, can I have some Sprite?"
"Sure." He says, handing her his open bottle and grabbing a new one; opening it and guzzling the soda within seconds.
"No Rose, you don't get it, it's not just odd; it's impossible. A phone can't work without a dial tone; there is literally nothing else to say about that." Tobie slams the phone back onto the purple receiver, running his hands through his blond hair with stressed haste. "What the fuck is wrong with this place?" He crouches underneath the desk, crawling by Danny's legs and against the wall. Danny scoots his chair back and looks down at his friend.
"First night and you're already under my desk? What kind of girl do you think I am?" Danny reaches down and slaps Tobie upside the cheek; eliciting only a glare from him before scooting his chair back. "Fine, don't appreciate the joke."
"Goddammit Danny." Tobie grumbles, turning back to the wall. "Oh my fucking god! How fucking dense can you guys be? The goddamn phone isn't even plugged in!" He crawls out from under the desk and lifts the phone off of its receiver again, hearing the beautiful ring of the otherwise ear-splitting dial tone. "Danny, care to punch Keanu again after he wakes up?"
"With pleasure!" Danny exclaims, reaching into the bag and opening another bottle of Sprite, taking a sip.
"Okay, let's see what we have here now. 9-1-1." The blond presses each corresponding button, hearing the phone's ringback twice before a voice comes through on the other end. "Yes, hello? We're stuck in Fazbear's Pizza with killer death bo-. No…What. The. Fuck? This cannot be fucking happening!"
"What?" April asks, giving a once-over on Krystal's now-bunned hair.
"I cannot fucking believe this! We're fucked until morning." Tobie exclaims, slamming the phone back onto its receiver, picking it back up and dialing again; this time hitting the speakerphone button.
"Just tell us what's going on, you obtuse fuck." Danny says, slightly annoyed.
"Just listen Danny." Tobie holds the phone's speaker up so all can hear as the same voice from the "4th Day" recording speaks what appears to be another pre-recorded message.
"Hello, uh, hello, hello? It's me again. If you are hearing this now, you must have been trying to make an outside phone call. I'm so sorry to say that corporate doesn't really allow us to use the phones at night; something about worrying night guards will spend too much time talking to friends since they have nothing to do or whatnot. I don't know, point is that no outside calls are allowed past midnight. However if you have an emergency call to make, just give a quick dial to corporate; their number is written at the bottom of the phone's receiver. I know this entire running around with the phones and having only one number to call may seem a little…obtuse. But that is what happens when you work in a company that lacks a union. Oh well, you probably wouldn't want to join one of those anyway; they can be a little…bad for business. Anyway, I should probably be letting you get back to your post now. Have a fun night watching over the restaurant, and remember above all else: be safe."
"It's official, if there is a god out there…he hates us." Tobie's hand shakes as he sets the phone back on its hook, turning to face his friends. "Okay…new plan. We are going to sit here and wait until the pizzeria opens. Everyone get cozy, we're in for a long night."
"But what about the others? Hunter, Allie, and Drew? We can't just leave them out there!" April exclaims.
"No…but we can't leave either; too risky. We just have to hope that they managed to find a place to hold out as well; if they aren't already dead that is. Look, we'll do a supply run later if we get low on water; maybe we will find the others when we go out. Until then we are going to focus on holding out as long as we can okay? Good. Danny, how much power do we have left?"
"Power? Let's see. Doo, doo, doo." Danny's eyes grow as wide as saucers as a serious expression crosses his face for once. Fuuuuuuuck. This isn't good."
"Oh what now?" Tobie asks, looking back at him.
"You know how we were in the 80's last time we checked? Yeah, minus about fifty from that." Danny says, laughing nervously.
"…What?" Tobie asks, unsure of what to make of this development. "Okay…new plan."