"The Ultimate Ridonculous Race"
Rated T for a bit of language
Disclaimer: I do not own Total Drama, The Ridonculous Race or any of it's characters. Total Drama, The Ridonculous Race, and all of its characters are owned by Fresh TV, Jennifer Pertsch and Tom McGillis. I also do not own anything associated with WWE, Hasbro, Mattel, Universal Pictures, Nickelodeon, Disney, Marvel, DC Comics, FOX, Cartoon Network, Adult Swim, Nintendo, Capcom, YouTube, MTV, Hanna-Barbera, Konami and such. Anyway, my good friend Jeff Hardy Fan VR1 insisted I do my own take on the Total Drama spinoff, the Ridonculous Race. Instead of 18 teams, we're going with 66 teams from your favorite games, TV shows, and cartoons as they travel around the world to race in the most excruciating challenges ever thought of in God's green earth! Anyway, sit still and enjoy!
Chapter 10: Morocco Or Hot, Part 1
"Last time on the Ultimate Ridonculous Race, 66 teams all arrived to compete in the most dangerous race of all time," Don said off-screen. "And it all started out in Toronto, home of the Blue Jays. We saw a lot of climbing, a lot of riding, a lot of ziplining, and a whole lot of stoning. We saw new relationships, new instant friendships form, and a lot of Angry Grandpa to go around with!"
"Got that right, g******it!" Angry Grandpa shouted offscreen.
"But at the end of the day, we said goodbye to Dog With A Blog's Snobby Couple, Karl Fink and Heather." Don sighed. "Now we're down to 65 teams as they race across the world for a chance at $1,000,000. Who will laugh? Who will cry? And who will ever give me those cherry chocolate brownies I promised to get last episode? The race for the million continues on this edition of... THE ULTIMATE RIDONCULOUS RACE!"
After the theme song ended, the first two planes traveling the world were shown on top of a radar.
"So far, all 40 teams are all headed to their next stop, Morocco." The host informed everyone watching at home.
The scene then switched over to the airport where the rest of the teams (all 25 of them) were still waiting. Not surprisingly, the 25 teams were supposed to board plane number three, which obviously got a little late.
"However, down at the airport, all 25 teams still continue to wait anxiously." Don said-offscreen.
As they were waiting for their plane to get here, both Red and Kitty Forman were sitting in their seats as they looked at the entire 24 teams either with disdain (for Red that is) or worriness.
"How in the hell did we ever get trapped here with these noobs?" Red said to Kitty. "It's like living with a 1,000 Bobs!"
"Well, maybe it's not all bad." Kitty shrugged. "At least this airport actually has good snack food."
Noticing the bag of salted peanuts in hand, Red managed to take in a little smirk.
"Yeah, you're actually right, Kitty." The hardass nodded. "Maybe these delicious bag of chocolate-covered peanuts will help kill my appetite from all of these dumbasses."
Red started opening up the bag and digging onto the snack with his own bare hands. But somehow, he felt someone's hand inside the bag. It looked all pink and squishy all of a sudden.
"Wait, what the hell...?" Red muttered as he looked up...
...
...
...only to see Patrick digging into the bag of peanuts.
"AGGGH!" Red yelped. "What the holy hell are you doing digging into my bag?!"
"I like chocolate..." Patrick chuckled in retarded fashion.
"Well, go be a creep somewhere else, you pink dumbass!" Red snapped at him.
"Can I have your chocolate peanuts?" Patrick asked him nicely.
Somehow, SpongeBob saw what was going on and stepped in just in time.
"Um, sorry, you'll have to excuse my friend over here, he just loves to dig in everyone's bags." SpongeBob told friend.
"Well, tell your kettleheaded friend to get away from my peanuts, or else he'll have to dig my foot out of his starfish ass!" Red said, threatening both SpongeBob and Patrick.
"Let's go, Patrick." The sponge replied. "Remind me to give you a shock collar after the race is over."
Just like that, SpongeBob and Patrick went to go bother someone else, leaving both Red and Kitty confused on what went down.
"I knew this was a bad idea coming here..." Kitty said to Red.
Confessional - That 70's Couple
"If I ever see that Patrick again, Kitty, I'm gonna... urrrgh!" Red growled at himself.
"Yeah, he gets a little bit moody at airports, so please ignore him." Kitty smirked to the camera.
*FLASH!*
Meanwhile, Applejack and Big MacIntosh were busy at one of the phone booths, talking on the phone. Of course, they were calling one of their siblings, namely Applejack's little sister, Apple Bloom.
"So, have you made sure Granny Smith didn't get stuck in that ditch again?" Applejack said on the phone. "Good to know, sis. I swear, we gonna need to git Granny glasses for Hearth's Warming Eve this year. She's blind as a pet coon on juice. Make sure you don't see Granny Smith around with you. I don't want her hearin' this, okay?"
"Eeyup." Big Mac nodded on the phone as well.
Right behind them, Butt-Head approached Applejack and Big MacIntosh.
"Huhuhuhuhuh, uhhhhh... hey baby." Butt-Head laughed, focusing on Applejack.
"Um, can I help ya? I'm talkin' to my sis on the phone." AJ said to the teens.
"I see you're a cowgirl," Butt-Head laughed again. "Care to ride on my horse? Huhuhuhuhuh..."
That little pick-up line ended up setting something off in Applejack.
"Are you tryin' to hit on me with your gibberin' pick-up lines?!" The country girl gasped. "No way The Apple Family is havin' that! Big Mac, take care of 'em for me."
Unfortunately for Butt-Head, he saw Big Mac stand before him with arms crossed.
"What have you got to say for yourself?" Big Mac said, looking down at Butt-Head.
"Huhuhuhuhuhuh, uhhhhhh... why are you eating on a straw?" Butt-Head chuckled again.
Big Mac didn't find Butt-Head's humor funny, so the big country boy picked him up by his favorite Metallica t-shirt and told directly in his face.
"I don't appreciate people talkin' dirty to mah sister," Big Mac replied. "You have just five seconds ta apologize before somethin' else gets chewed."
Fearing a beatdown in order, Butt-Head decided to get some help from Beavis.
"Hey Beavis, get off your butt and come help me here!" Butt-Head exclaimed.
There was no response from Beavis, however.
"Beavis, where the hell are you at?!" Butt-Head shouted. "This redneck's about to kick my ass!"
To his utter disbelief, Butt-Head saw Beavis down at a little cafe next to the terminal where he was going to work on the coffee section.
Beavis was busy binging on coffee grounds, coffee beans, sugar and downing some of the liquid coffee himself. One of the passengers was busy grabbing a cup of coffee before Beavis smacked him away.
"Get away, butthole! This coffee's mine!" Beavis shouted to the passenger, who scurried away in safely.
Confessional - The Bums
Butt-Head's entire forehead was now covered in bandages, not to mention that he got a couple of black eyes from Big MacIntosh. He looked pissed off at Beavis, who was shaking all around from the coffee's after-effects.
"You suck, Beavis." Butt-Head laughed out of anger. "Thank to you, I got my ass kicked by a redneck."
"Hehehehehehehehehehehe, rednecks rule!" Beavis laughed.
*FLASH!*
Meanwhile, both Brian and Stewie Griffin were sitting far away from the contestants, thinking of a gameplan.
"Okay, Stewie, let's go over our gameplan." Brian replied.
"I got one," Stewie suggested. "We ask someone to be in our alliance and then we turn their back at the last possible second when they know it."
"No Stewie," Brian groaned. "That's not what I thought-"
"It is what I've thought," Stewie said, cutting him off rudely. "I'm gonna go ask one of the teams if they'll be in our alliance."
Brian tried to reason with Stewie, but the talking baby already took off on his own, leading the talking dog to chase after him. One of the teams Stewie approached was The Duelists, Joey Wheeler and Mai Valentine.
"Hey, douchehead." Stewie said to Joey, "You wanna be in an alliance?"
"Hey, who you callin' douchehead?" Joey gasped.
"I'm talking to you, blonde-hair." Stewie pointed at the duelist. "I'm telling you, do you want to be an alliance with me? I ain't wasting no time with you with this, you know."
"Oh, now you're calling me blonde-hair now?" Joey raised his eyebrow. "What kind of parents raised ya like this!?"
"I'm telling ya, do you want to be an a alliance with me or not?!" Stewie said as if he was threatening him.
"Where the hell are ya parents at?!" Joey shouted at Stewie.
Luckily for Joey, Brian came to the rescue in time.
"Sorry about Stewie there, Joey." Brian chuckled nervously. "Apparently, he left his brain somewhere in Quahog."
Just to avoid conflicts, Brian took Stewie away to somewhere far from where Joey and Mai were sitting.
"Can you believe that kid, Mai?" Joey groaned. "Mai, are you even listening?"
He turned right to his partner, Mai, who was busy reading one of the fashion magazines that was sitting in a little table. Being asked by Joey's question, she put her magazine down and turned to the blonde-haired duelist.
"I'm sorry Joey, did you say something?" Mai shrugged.
"Ohhhh, great..." Joey groaned in response.
Confessional - The Duelists
"To be honest, me and Mai have a very complicated friendship as we speak." Joey replied.
"Yeah, the difference is, I hardly care about his problems while I'm always focused on mine." Mai shrugged as she was putting on nail polish.
"That's how this friendship works alright!" Joey nodded.
*FLASH!*
After the confessional was over, the scene was switched to a showing of the Moroccan flag, complete with a montage of pictures.
"Morocco, originally named Italy, until it was discovered that there already was an Italy," Don informed everyone. "Home to scorchingly hot foods as well as scorchingly hot deserts."
The scene was then switched over to plane number one currently landing in Morocco's local airport.
"Plane number 1 has just landed," The host replied off-screen. "Now the rest of teams need to find the Don Box and collect their next travel tip."
The first teams to arrive to the Don Box was Husband & Wife, The Singer-Songwriters, Twin Sisters, Cousins, The Ghosts, The Hedgehog & Echidna, Best Friends 2.0, The Royal Couple, The Technicalists, Seinfeld's Friends, The Hype Bros., The Evil Couple, Sockhead & Scammer, Dopers, The Dudley Boyz, The Top Secret Couple, The Long Distance Couple, The Angry Critics, Best Friends and the The Secret High School Sweethearts.
And the first person to touch the Don Box was Al Bundy, who pressed the button and grabbed the first travel tip.
"The spice is right," Al said, reading the travel tip. "All right, it's an all in!"
The scene switched over to the host, who was busy walking through a desert where he was standing to a stand full of various spices.
"An all-in requires that both team members take part in the challenge," Don informed yet again. "In this case, teams must make their way to Yusuf's Spice Kiosk and choose five spices from the bountiful array, some are-"
But suddenly, the owner hit Don right in the hand yet again.
"OW, this again?!" Don whined, holding his hand in pain. "I swear, I really gotta learn to keep my hands to myself this time. As I was saying, some are sweet, and some are so blistering hot, they'll turn your entire body into a volcano of pain and suffering."
As the race got started underway, The Singer-Songwriters, the Twin Sisters, The Angry Critics, and The Hype Bros got their hands on the Don Box next reading their separate tips carefully.
"Okay, this says: Pick five spices from the kiosk, ideally cumin..." Austin replied.
"Cinnamon, paprika, saffron and ginger..." Liv replied as well.
"To receive your next travel tip," AVGN replied, finishing the tip. "Hopefully, they won't smell bad as f***in' Action 52."
But as they were looking up, they saw teams of 19 coming after them. With no time to respond, both the Nerd and Critic ended up getting run overand trampled in retaliation.
"AW, S**T! F**K! AAAAAASS!" The Nerd said between stomps.
"AUGH, MY ASS HAIR!" The Critic cried out loud in pain.
Meanwhile, during the trampling, Austin accidentally tripped Liv on her feet, who was running beside him.
"Oh no, Liv!" Austin and Maddie gasped.
"Owwwww, that was unpleasant..." Liv groaned in pain.
"Here Liv, let me pick you up." Austin said, lending the blonde starlet a hand.
"Thanks," Liv said, grabbing his hand and getting herself back up on her feet.
"I hope you're not hurt." The rockstar said, dusting Liv off.
"Oh, it's fine." Liv chuckled a little.
Somehow, Liv ended blushing again from Austin's act of kindness. She looked up to the rockstar and noticed him smiling at her. Right now, Liv's heart was beating fast in this desperate moment in captivation. But as the two were lost in their little moment, both Ally and Maddie awoke them up from reality.
"C'mon Austin, were running late!" Ally said to Austin.
"Same here, Liv! We don't wanna be far behind if we stand here!" Maddie said to Liv.
"Right!" Austin exclaimed, as they took off.
"Yeah, just what he said!" Liv nodded as she took off with Maddie.
Confessional - The Twin Sisters
"OMG, Austin Moon just touched me again!" Liv said, feeling a little giddy. "It was just like touching Heaven wrapped in a hunky little body!"
"And this is why I don't ever go to hanky-panky chick flicks with you..." Maddie said, rolling his eyes.
Confessional - The Singer-Songwriters
"Wow, you sure are extra nice today!" Ally chuckled at Austin.
"Yeah, that's just the way I am." Austin chuckled a bit nervously. "Always the helpful rockstar I am..."
*FLASH!*
Suddenly, a montage started playing of the 19 teams (who boarded plane #1) getting into their taxi's and headed to their first destination. Unfortunately, the rest of the taxi's all left The Angry Critics behind.
"HEY, YOU FORGOT US, A**HOLES!" The Nerd shouted while waving his travel-tip.
The scene switched to footage inside the taxi's where the rest of the teams were talking to a camera, discussing their gameplans. The first team that camera was shooting up close was Alejandro and Heather, who were busy holding hands in an evil way.
"When it comes to spices, I know a lot about them." Heather replied. "Whether it's chili, paprika, cajun, or habanero, I am the master."
"You definitely are one hot chili pepper, mi little angel." Al winked at the Asian.
"And one by one, we'll burn every one of those teams down to the ground." Heather smirked evilly.
"Trust me, Heather, we have this in the bag." Alejandro smirked evilly as well.
As they ended their little promo with a kiss, both Zack Ryder and Mojo Rawley were busy bouncing up and down on the seats inside their own taxi. The two were feeling a little hyped up for the challenge.
"Oh man, we're so gonna spice it up here!" Mojo said to Zack, "There ain't no mouth hot enough to keep us down!"
"I totally know that, Broski!" Zack said, pumping his fist up over and over again. "Since I got the hottest mouth, I think the Long Island Iced Z should do the honors!"
"Oh, you got that right!" Mojo nodded. "The Hype Train's just getting star-"
However, they got cut off as Sonic and Knuckles ran right past their taxi. Both Zack and Mojo's jaws were hit right to the floor in an instant, seeing the speed that both the Hedgehog and the Echidna were in.
"No frickin' way." Zack gulped.
"Okay, that was totally hype..." Mojo nodded, feeling lost for words.
Confessional - The Hype Bros.
"How can someone run that frickin' fast?" Ryder gasped. "The fastest I've run was only a block or two from my house!"
*FLASH!*
After the confessional, the camera then got a good look inside Kelso and Hyde's taxi, which was filled with pot smoke.
"Um, what were we supposed to do again?" Hyde said to Kelso.
"I think the travel tip said we were supposed to get five spices." Kelso replied.
"I don't know," Hyde shrugged. "Are we sure we're supposed to get five pieces of ice?"
"Why the hell should I know that?!" Kelso shrugged. "Even I don't sound this stupid when I'm high!"
Meanwhile, the scene was switched to plane number 2, which was busy flying all the way to Morocco.
"Meanwhile, the teams on flight number two prepare for their cold-hearted battle." Don said off-screen.
Inside plane number two, Dolph Ziggler and Lana of the Blondes were having a little romantic dinner with each other, sharing a bit of indian curry with a candle lit on the side of it. Not to mention two champagne glasses filled with some of the richest champagne there ever was.
"I'm loving this, babe." Dolph whispered to her girl.
"I know," Lana said, squealing a bit. "I mean, what other airplane doesn't have first-class cuisine as good as this?"
Eyeing down that glass of filled champagne, Dolph picked the glass up and so did Lana as the two stared romantically at each other.
"To us, babe." He smirked.
"To us, Dolph..." She smirked back.
As they were drinking away, the smell of the candle got to Angry Grandpa's nose, who was sitting on the seat next to Ziggler to Lana.
As he took one giant whiff of the candle, Angry Grandpa started freaking out.
"AGH, WHAT THE HELL?!" Angry Grandpa shouted. "FIIIIIIIIRE!"
"Grandpa, calm down, it's just a candle!" Pickleboy shouted, trying to calm Grandpa down.
Unfortunately, there was no calming Grandpa down. The enraged senior citizen reacted by breaking the glass containing the fire extinguisher. Grandpa grabbed the little red device and approached both Ziggler and Lana, which by the way, had no idea they were being targeted.
As Lana began feeding a piece of delicious hot curry to Ziggler, they heard Grandpa's voice go like:
"GET OUTTA THE F***IN' FIRE!"
As the Blondes turned around, Ziggler and Lana were blasted by flaky ice crystals coming from the extinguisher! The impact and force was so strong, it blasted both blondes nearly out of their seats!
"GRANDPA, STOP!" Pickleboy shouted. "IT WAS JUST A CANDLE!"
"CANDLE MY MOTHERF***IN' ASS! SOMEONE'S GOTTA PUT OUT THE FIRE!" Grandpa shouted back, still shooting the extinguisher as hard as he can.
Suddenly, the impact took a lot of damage to Ziggler and Lana, who were busy trying to get out from this cold icy blast.
"Will someone get that old fart away from us?!" Ziggler said, shouting for help.
"Ziggler, help!" Lana shouted. "I think the ice is hitting my nizhneye bel'ye!" [1]
Confessional - The Blondes
Both Dolph and Lana were covered around by small flaky ice crystals. The male blonde was even getting some crystals out of his ear.
"Well, that didn't go the way that I expected..." Ziggler sighed.
"You k-k-kidding?" Lana scoffed a little while shivering, "That extinguisher was c-c-c-colder than Russia itself! Akh, pochemu ya?!" [2]
*FLASH!*
Meanwhile, at another part of plane number two, Rusev and Summer Rae were busy having their own problems.
They were busy stuck in the aisle of seats with the SWAT Kats, Biker Mice From Mars and the Space Pilots team. The trio of teams were busy flickering paper planes and paper footballs at each other like a bunch of hooligans. This display was pissing off Rusev as it was.
"Look at this, Summer." Rusev muttered to her. "I can't believe we're stuck in the plane with a bunch of animals. We're trapped with cats, mice, birds, bats and robins. It's like a frickin' zoo!"
"Relax, Rusev. We're almost there." Summer said, calming him down.
"We better be there!" Rusev growled, folding his arms in anger.
However, his patience was short-lived when Rusev felt a paper ball hit his head.
"WHO DID THIS?!" Rusev shouted. "WHO THROW PAPER BALL AT ME?!"
With his anger setting in, Rusev turned over to see Throttle and Vinnie playing catch with both Razor, T-Bone, Fox and Falco. And with a paper ball nonetheless. Rusev now started to get livid.
"Okay, you better catch it this time!" Vinnie shouted to Razor.
"Relax, I got this!" Razor nodded over to Vinnie.
As Vinnie threw that paper ball...
...
...
...Rusev instantly catched it with his hands.
"Hey, what the-?" Vinnie replied.
With anger built up inside of him, Rusev took that paper ball and shoved it inside his mouth, chewing all over its contents. And then, he spit the huge ball right on the floor and let off like a Russian rocket.
"HA! Let's see you play paper catch now, you rat!" Rusev shouted at Vinnie.
"No one messes with my paper ball, okay?!" Vinnie shouted back.
"Actually, I was the one who made it." Falco said, stepping in on the conversation. "Sorry, it's a long frickin' plane ride."
"I hardly care about what you animals do, as long as you stay far away from me and Summer!" Rusev said to the teams.
"Fine," Throttle rolled his eyes. "Wow, you sure are a party crapper."
Knowing that they would keep their promise, Rusev went back to his seat...
*PBBBBBBT!*
Only to sit on a whoopee cushion that Deadpool put just to trick him.
"What the?!" Rusev said, as he grabbed the whoopee in his hands.
"HAHAHAHA!" Deadpool laughed at Rusev from afar. "You totally fell for it! Total old-school!"
Somehow, both Razor, T-Bone, Vinnie, Throttle, Falco, Fox and Deadpool started laughing at the Bulgarian Brute, who was now steaming mad.
"AAAAAAGH! YA nenavizhu eto zabytoye bogom shou!" Rusev shouted in Russian as he and Summer left. [3]
"Hey, nice job pranking him!" Razor shouted over to Deadpool.
"Thanks!" Deadpool said, waving. "Let's go prank the Camp Counselors next!"
"Whatever you do, leave me out of it." Domino said, sitting beside him as she nodded off.
Confessional - Beast and Beauty
Summer was sitting all by herself as Rusev left off-screen, throwing random things in anger.
"Vvernut' ikh! Vvernite ikh vsekh, leto!" Rusev shouted angrily in Russian again. [4]
"Yeah, this may be a bad time..." Summer gulped at the camera.
Confessional - Biker Mice From Mars
"Wow, talk about rash," Throttle said, kicking back in his seat. "Now I know how Modo feels whenever we prank him."
"Seriously, that guy needs to take a prank and a smile." Vinnie nodded
"Yeah, Modo needs to lighten up." Throttle nodded as well.
"I was talking about that Russian butthole," Vinnie said to Modo.
"Yeah, that too." Throttle smirked, adjusting his biker glasses.
*FLASH!*
"Well, we're off to a nice start everyone." Don said off-screen. "We're seeing a lot of pranks and gross-outs so far, but I gotta feeling we may see a lot more than your pranks and gross-outs after the break. So stay tuned after this little commercial for more Ultimate Ridonculous Race!"
Translations:
[1] - nizhneye bel'ye - Underwear
[2] - Akh, pochemu ya ?! - Oh, why me?!
[3] - YA nenavizhu eto zabytoye bogom shou! - I hate this godforsaken show!
[4] - Vvernut' ikh! Vvernite ikh vsekh, leto! - Screw them! Screw them all, summer!
The challenge will be underway next chapter, which will lead us to these questions:
Will Rusev lose his temper?
Will Angry Grandpa cause more havoc?
Will Butt-Head keep getting his ass kicked without any help from Beavis (let's face it, he wouldn't)?
Will Liv never wash her hand from Austin's touch?
Answers will be answered after this break! Until next time, Warrior out! BAZINGA!