"Last time on The Smashy Amazing Race," said Master Hand, "Five teams set off from Violet City to Mobotropolis in the ninth leg in a race around the world!"
"Teams visited the city library, where they had to work out a puzzle for their next clue! Mewtwo and Falco excelled at this task…"
"Hey, psst, Mewtwo!" whispered Falco, "Are you noticing that there are words in red at the bottom of each page? I think that means something…"
"…but Jigglypuff and Pikachu couldn't work it out!"
"QWERTYUIOPASDFGHJKLZXCVBNM," read Jigglypuff off the screen, having rearranged the keyboard.
…
"It's a sign!" screamed Jigglypuff and Pikachu in unison.
"Bowser and Ness met their chocolate-eating Speed Bump with great difficulty, dropping to last place!"
"Auugh!" screamed Bowser, clutching his stomach, "I hate this stupid task! We're going to come last! I can't eat anymore!"
"On an obstacle course Road Block, Falco played a trick on Snake!"
"Oh look, Snake!" said Falco deviously, "There's a note that I found on the ground…"
Falco handed it to Snake. "Stay here for five minutes and meet me, I shall reveal to you my evil communist plan. No-one must know about this. Signed, head communist," read Snake.
"While Dating Pokemon Jigglypuff and Pikachu lagged behind…"
"I'm sorry, hon!" said Pikachu, frustrated, trying to pick up the gun, "This gun is just too heavy! I can't pick it up!"
"Yes you can!" said Jigglypuff, inspirationally, "If you just believe in yourself, then you can accomplish anything!"
"…which caused them to break the rules!"
"Really?" said Pikachu cheerfully.
"No," said Jigglypuff, climbing up the rope ladder, "But they're going to put that in and hopefully edit out the part where I help you cheat. I'll hold the gun for you and you can aim!"
"Snake and Yoshi got to the Yield first…"
"We choose to Yield Bowser and Ness!" said Snake to the camera, sticking two stickers onto the board.
"…but Yoshi left his bag behind, losing valuable time!"
"Snake! My bag!" said Yoshi, shocked, "I left it at the army place!"
"More like, you left it at the army place!" said Snake angrily.
"That's what I said!" said Yoshi, hysterically.
"More like, that's what you said!" said Snake angrily.
"And while other teams reached the next clue, Snake and Yoshi erupted!"
"Why the hell didn't you tell me this? If you told me all of my stuff was in your bag, we wouldn't have to have wasted HALF AN HOUR! We're in last place!"
"Oh yeah?" said Snake angrily, "More like… we're in last place!"
"THAT'S WHAT I JUST SAID!" screamed Yoshi.
"On a selling choice of the detour, it was a showdown between Mewtwo and Falco and Fox and Samus!"
"Four cartons left," said Falco, "Come on, we have to beat Fox and Samus."
"But Fox and Samus's entrepreneurial skills helped them finish the task, and come in first!"
"Fox and Samus," said Master Hand, "You are… team number one!"
"Snake and Yoshi, Jigglypuff and Pikachu and Bowser and Ness battled it out in a mudbath to avoid elimination!"
"Come on, we need to search for one of these damn clues," said Snake, "It's getting dark!"
"It's too dark! I can't find any clues!" said Jigglypuff angrily.
"This is stupid, Dad!" said Ness angrily, "We should quit!"
"Jigglypuff and Pikachu, on the brink of quitting, found the clue!"
"I found it!" said Pikachu excitedly, holding up a clue.
"Come on! Let's go!" cheered Pikachu, scampering through the dark to the outside of the mud bath complex.
"They arrived at the pit stop third, but were met with a surprise!"
"I cannot check you in at this point of time. The Road Block is a task that can only be completed by one person, and according to this report, you completed the Road Block together. This means, Jigglypuff and Pikachu, you have encountered a 30-minute time penalty."
"Oh no!" said Pikachu, shocked.
"We're done for!" cried Jigglypuff.
"As the penalty ticked down, rivals Bowser and Ness and Snake and Yoshi battled to get the services of a cab driver!"
"Sorry! You're muddy! I can't let you in!" said the taxi driver.
"I don't want to get eliminated this way! Not this way!" cried Bowser.
"Bowser and Ness arrived at the mat in third place…"
"Bowser and Ness, you are the third team to arrive," said Master Hand.
"Yess!" cheered Ness.
"However, you must enter the building properly before I can check you in. Same with you, Snake and Yoshi!" said Master Hand.
"…but did not enter the building correctly and had to come back in! Jigglypuff and Pikachu's time penalty stopped and it was a three-way battle to the pit stop!"
Pikachu scampered on, screaming, "Jigglypuff! Get on here!"
Pikachu punched Ness in the gut just as he was about to reach the pit stop, preventing him from reaching the line.
"But Bowser and Ness were last to reach the pit stop, and were eliminated."
"I can't imagine doing it with anyone else!" Bowser smiled at the camera, teary-eyed.
"Oh yeah?" said Ness angrily, "What about Ganondorf? You went with him!"
"Four teams remain, who will be eliminated… next?"
The Teams:
Jigglypuff and Pikachu (Dating Pokemon Experts)
Snake and Yoshi (Accountancy Students Experts)
Fox and Samus (Entrepreneurs Experts)
Mewtwo and Falco (Martial Arts)
"This is Mobotropolis, Mobius!" said Master Hand, "This famous Sonic-related destination was also the ninth pit stop in a race around the world!"
"Teams arrived here for a mandatory pit stop, where teams had a chance to eat, sleep and mingle with other teams!"
A shot of Snake, Jigglypuff and Fox chuckling heartily as they poked Yoshi's body appeared on the screen.
"Can Fox and Samus, departing in first place for the fourth time, continue their great form or be affected by the other teams' strong – negative – vibes – towards them? Can Mewtwo and Falco break through their string of close calls and have a first-place finish? And can Snake and Yoshi, and Jigglypuff and Pikachu, with their constant in-team bickering, focus on the race and stay in?"
"Fox and Samus, who were the first team to arrive at 5:11 PM, will depart at 5:11 AM!"
Fox and Samus
1st to depart: 5:11 AM
"Go to Tails' Bowling Den and score ten strikes for your next clue!" read Fox.
"Teams must now travel two kilometres to this bowling alley, Tails' Bowling Den!" said Master Hand, "Then, playing a game of bowling with unlimited frames, they must bowl ten strikes each to receive a clue, which contains tickets a charter flight to the next mystery destination!"
"The times are: 10:00 AM, 10:30 AM, 11:00 AM and 11:30 AM! Teams that complete the task one hour or more before a flight will receive tickets to that flight! Teams who do not complete the task by 10:30 AM will share a spot on the 11:30 flight!"
"Wow Samus…" said Fox, "It's great that we're going bowling because… you bowl me over!"
Fox raised his eyebrows.
"Fox," said Samus, "The moment you read the word bowling I knew you were going to throw that stupid line in somewhere."
…
"You get a… strike in my book?" whimpered Fox.
"That line's pretty lame as well," said Samus.
…
"Can I borrow one of those bowling balls stuffed in your back pocket?" said Fox sexily.
"NO!" screamed Samus, shooting Fox.
Mewtwo and Falco
2nd to depart: 5:12 AM
"Go to Tails' Bowling Den and score ten strikes for your next clue!" read Falco, "You have twelve dollars for this leg of the race."
Mewtwo and Falco
Martial Arts Experts
"I don't know about you, Mewtwo," said Falco confidently, "But I'm in it to win it!"
"In it to win it…" said Mewtwo, "I think you mean, in it to be ga-"
"Don't say it!" said Falco angrily, "Why must you keep on flaunting that stupid line of yours? It's not even original!"
…
"In it to win it…" said Mewtwo, "More like…"
"Enough!" said Falco angrily.
"Well if you want me to stop saying that can't you think up of something else to say?" said Mewtwo angrily, "I mean, geez, you're like a broken record or something! Geez! Get a personality or something!"
…
"You know what else is broken?" said Falco angrily.
"What?" said Mewtwo angrily.
…
"My… my heart!" cried Falco, running out of the room crying.
Tails' Bowling Den
Fox and Samus
Entrepreneurs
Fox and Samus walked up to the door.
"Darn it," said Samus, "It opens at seven."
Mewtwo and Falco
Martial Arts Experts
"Opens at seven," said Falco angrily.
"We got a twenty minute barrier, dude," said Mewtwo.
7:00 AM
A shot of the sun rising and the bowling alley opening appeared on the screen.
Fox and Samus
Lane 26
"Take this lane…" said Fox, running into the complex and taking the one nearest to the exit.
Mewtwo and Falco
Lane 25
"It's a bowl-off, dude," said Falco.
Fox: 0 Strikes
Samus: 0 Strikes
"Okay Samus, let's go!" cheered Fox.
"Must you be so supportive?" said Samus angrily, holding her bowling ball, aiming down the lane.
"No," said Wario angrily.
Samus hurled the ball onto the lane, but the spin on the ball caused it to roll off the fine polished wood and into the gutter.
"Bad luck, Samus!" said Fox smugly, "Maybe you should use a…"
Fox unbuttoned his shirt slightly, "…bowling coach," he said sexily.
"How is that a pickup line?" said Samus angrily, "You're just giving me general advice on how to improve my bowling skill! How is that supposed to be arousing in any way?"
Samus angrily stomped off to the bowling coaches.
Mewtwo: 3 Strikes
Falco: 3 Strikes
Falco clumsily let go of the ball before the lane, causing it to roll across several lanes into a gutter ten metres away.
Mewtwo used his telekinesis to knock down all ten pins.
"Yeah! Go us!" cheered Falco insincerely.
Civic Centre
Snake and Yoshi
3rd to depart: 7:20 AM
"Go to Tails' Bowling Den and score ten strikes for your next clue!" read Snake.
"Oh boy!" said Snake excitedly, "We're going bowling! This is going to be exciting! Have you ever been bowling?"
"Yes," said Yoshi, "I didn't sign up for the military at the age of twelve… why, I even got to go bowling and see movies!"
Snake sulked. "But I wanna see the moving pictures!" he cried.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Last to depart: 7:21 AM
"Go to Tails' Bowling Den and score ten strikes for your next clue!" read Jigglypuff.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu stared at the clue.
…
"What's a bowling den?" said Jigglypuff, scratching her head.
"You idiot!" said Pikachu angrily, "The clue obviously says bowing den! Duh!"
…
"How come the issue of us not being able to read, speak or interpret English hasn't arisen yet?" said Pikachu, "I mean, how have we survived going through nine different places which all happen to speak English?"
"Oh," said Jigglypuff, chuckling heartily, "That's because we've gotten help with our Asian-American English translator, Jeeves!"
"YOU ORDER NOW!" screamed some random lady, throwing cats at Jigglypuff.
…
"Uh… where's Jeeves?" said Jigglypuff, confused.
Pikachu started gagging, pointing to a corpse in a nearby dumpster.
Tails' Bowling Den
Mewtwo: 6 strikes
Falco: 6 strikes
"Damn it, the Pokemon are here already!" said Mewtwo angrily, losing focus with his telekinesis, the bowling ball he was concentrating on rolling into the gutter.
"Bowl quicker, then!" said Falco angrily.
Jigglypuff: 0 strikes
Pikachu: 0 strikes
"Now, before we go bowling," explained Jigglypuff excitedly, "We have to put on bowling shoes, and then book our bowling lane and then take a bowling ball and throw it at the bowling pins!"
"Awesome!" cheered Pikachu.
Snake: 0 Strikes
Yoshi: 0 Strikes
Yoshi rolled the ball down the lane cleanly, the ball skidded slowly and curved in nicely, hitting all ten pins.
"Yes!" cheered Yoshi excitedly.
Yoshi: 1 Strike
"Good job, honey," said Snake sweetly.
"Thanks," said Yoshi.
…
"…WHAT?!" said Yoshi.
Jigglypuff: 0 Strikes
Pikachu: 0 Strikes
They calmly strolled through the alley and reached the bowling ball rack.
"I like this one!" said Pikachu happily, taking the yellow ball because yellow was his favourite colour, Pikachu being a yellow Pokemon.
"I like this one!" said Jigglypuff happily, taking a Wigglytuff carcass off the rack.
"Help me…" moaned the Wigglytuff, gasping for air.
"I think this one's broken," said Jigglypuff, dropping her ball onto the ground.
"You know what makes balls roll better?" said Pikachu excitedly.
"What?" said Jigglypuff excitedly.
"Electrocution!" cheered Jigglypuff and Pikachu in unison.
They prodded the Wigglytuff.
Fox: 4 Strikes
Samus: 0 Strike
Seven or eight bowling instructors surrounded Samus as she picked up the ball. Fox, standing in the lane bowled another strike.
"Okay, now part of the technique of bowling is to make sure you have the correct back movement," said the head male bowling instructor, trying to sound as professional as possible, "The way you arch your back is as important as how you roll the ball!"
"Really?" said Samus, listening intently.
"Yeah," said the bowling instructor. "Now let's put you through a practice run. Hold the ball, walk up to the lane and, exaggerating the movement… bend over forward and release the ball, slowly with your arm."
"Heh, heh, heh," laughed the bowling instructors slyly, most of whom were in their late 50's, balding, bearded and named Vince.
"Okay!" said Samus happily, picking up the ball.
She walked up to the lane, and bent over forwards, very slowly. Fox stood on the side of her, practicing his bowling technique.
Samus bent forward even more, revealing her backside to all those behind her.
The men gave selective wolf whistles and chuckles.
Samus released the ball, by mere chance, sending it rolling unconvincingly down the lane, smacking the side of the head pin and causing all of the pins to fall down.
Fox: 6 Strikes
Samus: 1 Strike
"Yes!" cheered Samus, jumping up and down.
"Wait! Wait!" said the bowling instructor, "Stay there! We have to see if your posture was the reason that you bowled so well."
"Okay!" said Samus happily, bending over, revealing the tight materials of her zero suit.
A junior bowling coach ran over to Samus, and slapped her on the behind before running off, collecting a collective giggle from the bowling coaches, staff, cleaners and just about every single male in the town that was watching.
Samus turned around, shocked.
"Fox!" she screamed angrily, slitting his throat, "How could you? I'm trying to learn bowling and you're just trying to treat me as some kind of sex object?!"
"But-" said Fox.
"No buts," said Samus angrily, stomping on Fox's body, the poor animal bleeding to death.
Everyone stared in shock.
…
"Haha, butts," said some random person in the crowd.
All of the males laughed.
"I don't get it!" said Samus innocently, "What are you talking about, guys?"
Mewtwo: 9 Strikes
Falco: Finished
Mewtwo bowled his final ball, sending it rocketing down the lane and causing all of the pins to be knocked down.
"Yess!" cheered Mewtwo.
Mewtwo and Falco walked up to a girl behind their lane. "May we have our clue now?" said Falco.
"Uh… we have your producers on the line…" said the girl, holding up a phone.
Falco took the phone. "Hello?"
"Guys," said Master Hand, "You're going to have to start the task again, and do it properly."
"Are you saying we were cheating?!" said Falco, shocked.
"Yes," said Master Hand angrily, "According to the rules: the application of telekinesis to perform tasks is prohibited under all circumstances and will incur a two hour penalty without the task being completed again properly!"
Said Falco, outraged, "But we've used telekinesis all the t-"
Mewtwo covered Falco's mouth and took the phone, saying angrily into the line, "This is ridiculous! We're only doing what our inherent natural ability allows us to! This isn't a rule infringement, it's just-"
"DON'T CHEAT!" screamed Master Hand loudly, hanging up the phone.
"Yeah guys!" said Pikachu angrily, standing at the end of the lane with Jigglypuff, knocking over the pins, "Don't cheat!"
Jigglypuff: 4 Strikes
Pikachu: 4 Strikes
"Strike!" cheered Jigglypuff happily.
8:50 AM
Fox: Finished
Samus: 8 Strikes
"Hopefully Samus can get two strikes in two minutes so we can catch the first flight…" said Fox.
Snake: 6 Strikes
Yoshi: Finished
"Snake, if you can get four strikes in the next ten minutes, we'll be on the first flight!" said Yoshi excitedly.
Jigglypuff: 8 Strikes
Pikachu: 8 Strikes
"La, la, la," hummed Jigglypuff and Pikachu, knocking over the pins with their hands.
Mewtwo: 5 Strikes
Falco: 5 Strikes
"Dude, we should have just bowled properly from the start," said Falco, scoring another strike.
Fox: Finished
Samus: 9 Strikes
Samus bent over, rolling the ball down the aisle, collecting a collective group wolf whistle.
The ball hit all ten pins, scoring a strike. The Mexican men applauded.
"Thank you, all!" said Samus excitedly, "Thanks for the bowling tips and your general polite manner in dealing with women, unlike my team partner."
Samus glared angrily at Fox.
"What?!" said Fox angrily, "For the first time, it actually wasn't me!"
"Super body! Hot body! Is that what you call, not you?" said Samus angrily.
"Yes! It was that group over there!" said Fox, outraged, pointing to the group of middle-aged men grinning slyly. "How could it have been me?"
"You're right! How could it have been you… …if you're dead?!" laughed Samus manically.
Samus started to beat Fox repeatedly.
"Haha… wolf whistle… more like wolf," laughed Fox, being beaten to death, "Like Wolf O'Donnell… omigosh I haven't told Wolf I love him..."
Fox bled to death.
Everyone stared in shock.
…
"Haha, butts," said some random person in the crowd.
All of the males laughed.
"I don't get it!" said Samus innocently, "What are you talking about, guys?"
Fox and Samus
1st on 10:00 Flight
Fox ripped open the clue. "Congratulations, you are on the first flight to Icicle Mountain!"
"Teams must now board one of four flights, depending on their performance on the bowling task, bound for Icicle Mountain, one of the coldest destinations in the world!" said Master Hand. "Once teams arrive here, they must find one of four marked four-wheel drives, containing their next clue!"
"Oh boy, we're going to Icicle Mountain!" said Samus excitedly.
"You know babe," said Fox sexily, "It's kinda… cold there… if you need to get warm, you can always huddle in close with me… and then… you'll be warm… rawr…"
Fox did a cat-scratching motion with his hand.
"Or to stay warm, I could put on my powersuit," said Samus.
…
"You really ruined the mood, Samus," said Fox angrily.
…
"Wanna… spice the mood up a bit?" said Fox sexily.
"No!" said Samus angrily.
Snake and Yoshi
2nd on 10:00 Flight
"Congratulations, you are on the first flight to Icicle Mountain!" read Yoshi, "Once you arrive here, find a marked four-wheel drive with your next clue!"
"Four wheel drive," laughed Snake, "What's that… like a four-wheeled vehicle with a drivetrain that allows all four wheels to receive torque from the engine simultaneously?"
"…yeah…" said Yoshi.
"Oh," said Snake.
…
…
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
3rd on 10:00 Flight
"Oh boy, we get to go on a charter plane!" said Pikachu excitedly.
"Yeah!" said Jigglypuff happily.
"Oh, but there won't be any movies on there," said Pikachu, "So you'll have to draw in your colouring book or read a comic or something, Jiggles."
"That's okay!" said Jigglypuff happily, reaching into her pocket, "I have this… portable DVD player to keep me entertained!"
Jigglypuff beamed proudly, holding up her Wigglytuff carcass.
"Jiggles… that's a… Wigglytuff carcass…" said Pikachu, confused.
"Oh, how unpredictable, Mr. Author!" said Jigglypuff angrily, "The I-confused-a-Wigglytuff-carcass-for-an-inanimate-object joke! Whoop dee freaking doo! How original! I bet you sleep at night well knowing your capacity of wit!"
Jigglypuff crossed her arms in a big 'hmmph' action and looked away from the camera.
…
"Look at me! The author think's he's so clever!" said Jigglypuff angrily, talking to the camera, "Look at me! I'm breaking the fourth wall! This sad scene must have some comedic merit now!"
Jigglypuff crossed her arms in a big 'hmmph' action and looked away from the camera.
"Where's your portable DVD player anyway?" said Pikachu, confused.
Wario and Luigi's Morgue
"Now kids!" said Luigi excitedly, talking to a group of schoolchildren, "What I'm going to show to you today, that you can write about in your SOSE project is… a Wigglytuff carcass!"
"Yay!" cheered the children.
Wario lifted the blanket off the bed, revealing a portable DVD player, covered in some skin and flesh.
"…uh…" said a kid, "Isn't that a… DVD… player?"
"NO!" screamed Wario, eating the child alive.
Mewtwo and Falco
Last on 10:00 Flight
"And the clown's like, does this taste funny to you?" said the manager.
Mewtwo, Falco and the manager laughed heartily.
Wario and Luigi's Morgue
"Help me! Help me! Help me!" screamed a child, Bowser mauling on his carves and thighs, fresh flesh spilling over Luigi's body causing him to smile creepily.
"All teams are now on the 10:00 charter flight to Icicle Mountain, landing at 1:00 PM, local time!" said Master Hand, "Teams have been provided with the appropriate cold weather gear on their flight!"
Icicle Mountain
Shots of snow and polar bears played on screen.
Snake and Yoshi
Currently in 1st Place
"Let's run, Yoshi!" said Snake, shuffling through the snow quickly towards the carpark.
Yoshi grabbed a clue off the windshield and opened it. "Drive a jeep 36 kilometres to Issdudlerk Station!"
"Teams must now drive a marked jeep over thirty-six kilometres to this station, home to six scientific researchers! Once teams arrive here they must search for their next clue!" said Master Hand. "The maps provided in cars contain clearly marked roads, however, there seems to be wide spaces of open ice where teams may simply cut the track! However, driving on unknown terrain may be risky and potentially… fatal!"
"Okay, Snake," said Yoshi, taking a map out of the boot, "First we should probably work out a route and-"
Snake grabbed Yoshi and threw him into the backseat. "I got a bearing, baby!" said Snake excitedly, holding up his GPS device.
Snake started the engine and headed towards a large field of thin ice.
"Uh…" said Yoshi nervously, "On the map it says… driving on ice could be potentially hazardous and lethal…"
"Baby," said Snake cheesily, driving towards the ice, "Everything you do with me is lethal."
"I know!" gulped Yoshi, looking at the 3-inch thick ice they were driving over.
Fox and Samus
Currently in 2nd Place
"Uh… are we going to follow them?" said Fox.
"We're doing anything to win this race," said Samus, revving the engine.
"But… they left a trail of broken ice that could sink the car into deep, arctic-temperature water!" gulped Fox.
"Anything!" said Samus, frothing at the mouth.
"Anything?" said Fox sexily.
"Okay, not anything…" said Samus.
…
"Why would I have to be affectionate towards you in a race task anyway, huh?" said Samus.
"Maybe it's our next road block," said Fox sexily, "Stttrrrriiippp… for… Foooxx… …sssscchhhh…"
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Currently in 3rd Place
"Tum… tum tum…" hummed Jigglypuff, driving at walking pace down the one-way main road.
Mewtwo and Falco
Currently in Last Place
"Damn it!" said Falco angrily, "We're stuck behind these losers! …they can't even get into second gear!"
"Cut man," said Mewtwo, pointing to the ice in front of them.
"This can only end well…" sighed Falco, turning the steering wheel towards the ice.
"Relax," laughed Mewtwo, "After all, what are the odds that-"
Falco drove onto a very thin sheet of ice, causing it to break. The car started to sink into the freezing water.
"High," said Falco.
They froze to death.
Snake and Yoshi
Accountancy Students
"It's a long road… to Tallahassee…" sang Snake, at rocketing speeds dodging large five metre spikes in the ice.
"Snake… we should go on the main road!" screamed Yoshi, putting multiple seatbelts on.
"Relax! Why?" laughed Snake.
Yoshi pointed to the giant cliff edge about two hundred metres in front of them.
"This is where we use… the brake pedal!" said Snake, educationally.
"JUST FREAKING PRESS THE BUTTON!" screamed Yoshi hysterically.
"…what button?" said Snake. "This button?"
The radio turned on.
"No!" said Yoshi angrily, "The brake-"
They fell off the cliff.
"AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" screamed Snake and Yoshi.
Some Old Timey records played.
Snake and Yoshi chuckled heartily.
The car plummeted towards the ground.
Issdudlerk Station
Snake and Yoshi
Currently in 1st Place
The car landed five metres away from the clue box.
Snake and Yoshi got out, unscathed.
Yoshi opened a clue. "Fast Forward?!"
"Fast Forward!" said Master Hand, "This is the fourth and final Fast Forward in the race! When a team completes the Fast Forward task, they may skip all other tasks and go straight to the pit stop! Teams may only claim a Fast Forward once, so they must decide when it is most applicable to use it!"
"In this Fast Forward, that team must become an Ice Climber, and first, walk across a five hundred metre stretch of very thin ice which can easily break. Once they have reached the end, they must climb up a thirty metre wall of ice using local tools! The first team to reach the top of the wall will claim the Fast Forward."
"Let's just do whatever else is there," said Snake, "I could not imagine myself going through such thin ice…"
Yoshi rolled his eyes. "Detour! Walk or Run!"
"Detour!" said Master Hand, "A Detour is a choice between two tasks! In this detour: Walk or Run!"
"In Walk, teams must walk two hundred metres to this igloo!"
"In Run, teams must run two hundred metres to this igloo!"
"Teams may think that this detour choice is stupid, but they should probably pick run as I have rigged the ground with explosives which will go off if a human-sized weight stays on a particular spot for more than five seconds! MWAHAHAHA!"
"Let's walk," said Yoshi.
"I want to run, damnit!" screamed Snake.
Snake ran off, crying.
Icicle Mountain National Park
Fox and Samus
Entrepreneurs
"We had to go back onto the main road," said Samus, driving at a modest pace down the icy road, "Snake and Yoshi… died or something going off a cliff… so we're driving the slow way down like the road takes us…"
Mewtwo and Falco
Martial Arts Experts
"This sucks," said Falco angrily, staring at their submerging jeep.
"In the case of an emergency or breakdown, teams will be provided with a replacement car!" said Master Hand, "However, teams will not be awarded any time credit for this… unlucky situation."
"Damn it, we shouldn't have done that, Mewtwo!" said Falco angrily, "We're so far behind now! We're even losing to the freaking puffballs!"
Falco pointed about two hundred metres down the road at Jigglypuff's car, shuffling along in first gear.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Dating Pokemon
"Jiggles, maybe you should go… a tad faster…" said Pikachu impatiently, snacking on carbohydrates at the back.
"And endanger us all? You're so selfish!" said Jigglypuff angrily, "Hmmph!"
…
The car continued to chug along the road in neutral gear.
Issdudlerk Station
Snake and Yoshi
On Walk
"Talk about stupid tasks…" said Snake angrily, "They send us to the snow and what kind of task do we get? Walking… through the snow! Driving… through the snow! This is so freaking stupid!"
They reached the cluebox.
"Whee," said Yoshi, taking a clue.
"Drive to Penguin Lake!" read Yoshi.
"Teams must now drive to Penguin Lake!" said Master Hand.
"Thanks Master Hand," said Yoshi.
…
…
"Aww great!" said Snake angrily, "Now we have to walk 200 metres back!"
"Actually…" said some random cat lady, "…you can tandem bike back!"
"Yay!" cheered Snake.
They tandem biked back.
Fox and Samus
Currently in 2nd Place
"Issdudlerk Station…" said Samus, "500 Metres on the left…"
Snake and Yoshi
Currently in 1st Place
"Okay, we can actually take the road this time…" said Yoshi.
"Wait, that's another car…" said Snake.
"Hold up the Fast Forward clue!" said Yoshi, grinning evilly, taking the clue from his bag. "We don't want anyone to take the Fast Forward!"
Fox and Samus
Currently in 2nd Place
"Look, there's Snake and Yoshi," said Fox, pointing to an oncoming car.
Snake and Yoshi drove past slowly, Yoshi holding up the Fast Forward clue excitedly.
"Damn it," said Samus, turning into the station, "They grabbed a Fast Forward… we should've beaten them to it."
Snake and Yoshi
Currently in 1st Place
"You know…" said Yoshi, as Snake drove along, "We really should've taken the Fast Forward… why didn't we?"
"I dunno…" said Snake.
"Because now…" said Yoshi, frightened, "If somebody at the back of the pack takes it… two other teams would be on our tail…"
Jigglypuff and Pikachu's car passed Snake and Yoshi's car.
"Damn it, we should've taken it," said Yoshi, putting his face in his palms.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Currently in 3rd Place
"That was Snake and Yoshi," said Pikachu, looking through the side mirror.
"We caught up to someone!" cheered Jigglypuff.
Mewtwo and Falco
Currently in Last Place
"Snake and Yoshi just passed us…" said Mewtwo.
"We still might be in this thing…" said Falco.
Issdudlerk Station
Fox and Samus
Currently in 2nd Place
"Fast Forward," said Samus, flipping through the clues, "They've taken it. Detour! Walk or Run?"
"What kind of stupid option is that?" said Fox angrily.
"Relax," laughed Samus, "They always have stupid sounding names… but hey! They're exciting tasks, right?"
They read the clue.
"Oh," said Samus.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Currently in 3rd Place
"Fast Forward," said Jigglypuff. "Wanna try?"
"I dunno," said Pikachu, "It's a risk, isn't it? Wouldn't Snake and Yoshi take it?"
"Yeah… maybe…" said Jigglypuff, "They'd tell us though… right?"
Mewtwo and Falco
Currently in Last Place
"Walk or Run?" read Falco.
"What kind of crap option is that?" said Mewtwo angrily.
Master Hand
"It's good! Okay?!" cried Master Hand.
Icicle Mountain National Park
Snake and Yoshi
Accountancy Students
The air started to fog up and snow started rocketing down on the car that Snake and Yoshi were travelling in.
"Snake, drive carefully, there's a snowstorm," said Yoshi, wiping the fog off his window.
"Okay," said Snake, pressing on the accelerator pedal.
"When I say drive carefully, I mean…" said Yoshi.
"I know what I'm doing!" said Snake angrily, pressing down the accelerator pedal even harder.
Issdudlerk Station
Fox and Samus
On Walk
"There's a snowstorm, make sure we're going on the right bearing," said Samus, walking along in the white, her visibility reduced.
"Maybe we should… stop…" said Fox sexily, "…and snuggle up… and wait until the storm passes…"
…
"…and have some… storms of our own…" said Fox sexily.
"For the last fing time," screamed Samus, "I do not want to, and never will have sexual relations with you!"
…
"Oh," said Fox.
…
"Well, you could have just said that straight up or something!" said Fox angrily, "I could've hit on Peach if I wanted to, then!"
"I've told you that heaps and heaps on times!" said Samus angrily, "I've had to slit your throat and kill you numerous times just to get my point across! So no! No! No! NO! NO1"
"Oh," said Fox.
…
"So when you mean no…" said Fox, "Does that still mean we can have kinky-"
"NO!" screamed Samus, loading her gun.
"Oh," said Fox.
…
Said Fox, "Because, you know when Bill Clinton said no sexual relations, it turned out to be true, right?"
The audience applauded at the topical humour. Hyuk. Hyuk.
"NO!" screamed Samus, shooting.
"You're shooting at my… heart…" said Fox sexily.
Fox looked at his heart.
"Oh god! You are!" said Fox sexily.
"NO!" screamed Samus, shooting.
"You're shooting at my… heart…" said Fox sexily.
Fox looked at his heart.
"Oh god! You are!" said Fox sexily.
"NO!" screamed Samus, shooting.
"You're shooting at my… heart…" said Fox sexily.
Fox looked at his heart.
"Oh god! You are!" said Fox sexily.
"DIE!" cried Samus, shooting.
"Samus…" croaked Fox. "Before I die… can I ask you something?"
…
"Can I have wild ghost sex with you, Samus?" said Fox.
…
Mewtwo and Falco
On Run It
"We're in last place at the moment," said Falco, jogging through the ankle-deep snow, "So we just hope that we can catch up to Fox and Samus and get into the final three…"
"It's close, we're only a minute behind, pick it up," said Mewtwo.
Fox and Samus
Currently in 2nd Place
"Drive to Penguin Lake!" read Samus.
"You know," said Samus to the camera, "Don't you reckon it makes no sense how somebody gets severely hurt and then five seconds later, they're fine?"
Fox in the background, moaned as his blood splattered all over the ground.
"Yeah, like that," said Samus.
Issdudlerk Trail
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
On Fast Forward
"Pikie, maybe we should be careful about this Fast Forward," said Jigglypuff, walking carefully along the inch-thick ice.
"HEEELP!" screamed Pikachu, treading water in a hole in the ice.
"It would be really easy for someone to fall in and be hurt, Pikie," said Jigglypuff cheerfully.
"HELP!"
"Yeah, be careful Pikie," said Jigglypuff.
Pikachu drowned.
Jigglypuff opened a candy wrapper.
Pikachu died.
"Wow, the distance we have to cover here is… ice-tronomical!" chuckled Jigglypuff.
Penguin Lake
Snake and Yoshi
Currently in 1st Place
"Civilisation!" cheered Yoshi, looking at the small village that was Penguin Lake.
"Ah, there's the clue box," said Snake, taking a clue.
"Find a penguin and show it to the head researcher for your next clue!" read Snake.
"Teams must now search four marked huts within the village for one of twelve Travelland Penguin life-sized models!" said Master Hand, "Ponzo the Penguin, is the mascot for Travelland and yeah… buy the stuff… they're the only ones that bother to sponsor this freaking program!"
"Oh boy!" cheered Snake, "A sponsor-related task!"
"I'm so excited to participate in activities involving Travelland, the world's best travel agent!" said an obviously dubbed-over female voice over Yoshi, who seemed to mouth the words 'This race sucks'.
Issdudlerk Station
Mewtwo and Falco
Martial Arts Experts
"There's Fox and Samus coming back," said Mewtwo, pointing five metres in front of them, "The clue's close!"
Fox and Samus
Finished Detour
"We need to get a move on…" said Fox, running through the snow.
Penguin Lake Village
Snake and Yoshi
Accountancy Students
"Any Penguins here?" said Yoshi happily, opening a basket inside a house.
A feral cat jumped out, lashing out and clawing out Yoshi's eyes.
"AAAHHH!" screamed Yoshi.
Issdudlerk Trail
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
On Fast Forward
"We're going on a bear hunt… we're going on a bear hunt…" sang Jigglypuff.
Jigglypuff froze to death.
"How quaint," said the ice block containing Jigglypuff. "I appear to be ice-phyxiating."
Icicle Mountain National Park
Fox and Samus
Entrepreneurs
"This leg is really starting to heat up," said Fox, peering through the back window of the jeep, "Mewtwo and Falco are trailing behind us…"
"Fox, we need to make a move on them in some task…" said Samus, gripping the steering wheel firmly.
Mewtwo and Falco
Martial Arts Experts
"We're really just picking up the scraps here…" said Falco, pushing down the clutch and going to a higher gear, "We are survivors and between us and Samus's team, they're going to go out today…"
Penguin Lake Village
Snake and Yoshi
Accountancy Students
"I hate these stupid needle in a haystack tasks!" said Yoshi angrily, opening and closing different drawers in a kitchen.
"Yoshi," said Snake wisely, "In order to find something you are looking for… you need to focus your positive energies on the task in hand… or you will be stuck in a hopeless spiral of misguidance."
Yoshi blinked.
"So let us do some breathing exercises to focus on the task!" said Snake calmly, bobbing his head back and forth like a snake charmer.
"Oookkkkaayyy…" said Yoshi.
…
"Now Yoshi, breathe in," said Snake.
Yoshi breathed in.
Snake stood in silence.
Twenty seconds passed.
Yoshi breathed out.
"Are you making a mockery of my exercise program?!" said Snake furiously.
"No! No!" said Yoshi, "It's just that I needed to exhale otherwise I'd choke!"
"You are dead to me!" cried Snake, "Dead!"
Snake ran off crying and ran into the bathroom, turning on the showerhead and pointing the showerhead at his face.
Snake continued crying for the next five minutes.
"Uh… Snake…" said Yoshi.
Snake continued to cry.
"Snake…" said Yoshi.
Snake continued to cry.
"Snake…" said Yoshi.
A bookshelf fell on Yoshi's head.
"TIN-GLE!" screamed Bowser.
The audience applauded.
Issdudlerk Trail
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
On Fast Forward
"There's the wall we have to climb!" said Jigglypuff excitedly, pointing to the cliff face in front of them.
"Welcome to Issdudlerk Trail!" said a tour guide, pointing to some safety equipment in front of him. "I'm James, I'll be your guide for today and I'll brief you on how to safely climb today."
"Lame… more like… James…" laughed Jigglypuff.
…
"His name is James," said Pikachu.
"Uh…" said Jigglypuff.
…
"Are we filming?" said Jigglypuff.
Icicle Mountain National Park
Fox and Samus
Entrepreneurs
"Samus, we just missed the turn," said Fox, studying the map. "The place was about two hundred metres behind us…"
"Well, Mewtwo and Falco are basically just tailgating us," said Samus, pointing at the mirror.
"Hmm…" said Fox, looking back at the car twenty metres behind them, "Maybe we can lose these guys..."
Mewtwo and Falco
Martial Arts Experts
Samus's car, a short distance in front of Falco's came to a screech. Falco slowed down, rolling down his window.
"We got a flat," said Samus, frustrated, "Can you lend us a hand?"
"Sorry guys, it's a race," said Mewtwo, snickering.
Falco drove off, laughing along with Mewtwo.
Fox and Samus
Entrepreneurs
"That trick actually worked…" said Fox, surprised.
"Let's get back in, we've probably got a few minutes on them," said Samus.
"Yeah, I'd be surprised if they used a map at all this race," said Fox.
Penguin Lake Village
Snake and Yoshi
Locating Travelland Penguins
"Uh! Huh! Huh!" cried Snake violently, sitting in the bathroom.
"Look Snake, I'm sorry!" said Yoshi, sighing, "I didn't mean to be so harsh! Look, I've reconsidered! I think that these exercises may work!"
"Really?" said Snake, opening the door, a glimmer of hope in his face.
"…yeah…" said Yoshi uncertainly, giving a fake smile.
"Yay!" cheered Snake.
"So uh…" said Yoshi, "What do I have to do?"
"Breathe in…" said Snake.
Yoshi sighed, and breathed in.
Thirty seconds passed.
Yoshi started to quietly exhale.
Another ten seconds passed. Yoshi, with no air in his lungs, struggled to stay still.
Another ten seconds passed. Yoshi was starting to choke.
"And now you can…" said Snake slowly, "Breathe… out…"
Yoshi gasped for air. "I hate this stupid thing!" said Yoshi angrily.
Snake became teary-eyed.
"Haha, just kidding!" laughed Yoshi uncertainly, "Look! I feel enlightened!"
"Are you making a mockery of my exercises? These take months!" said Snake angrily, "Why, I-"
A Travelland™ Penguin fell from the ceiling and landed at Yoshi's feet.
Snake and Yoshi stared, shocked.
"Yoshi! You are a true master at these exercises!" said Snake excitedly, "Congratulations!"
"…yeah…" said Yoshi uncertainly.
Fox and Samus
Currently in 2nd Place
"Find a penguin and show it to the head researcher for your next clue!" read Samus.
"Okay, take this house," said Samus, pointing to the house in front of them, "Snake and Yoshi are coming out of that other one…"
Snake and Yoshi
Currently in 1st Place
"There's the head researcher!" said Snake, pointing to a white-coated man.
"Hi!" said Snake, showing the penguin to the researcher.
"Here's your clue!" said the man, "On behalf of Inviriotech Research Corporation, I would like to thank you for the patronage of our village! I am Fred Rowling, the principal researcher of the-"
Snake and Yoshi ran off.
Fred cried.
Snake and Yoshi
Accountancy Students
"Drive to Mequssuk Station!" read Snake.
"Teams must now drive four kilometres to Mequssuk Station!" said Master Hand, "Once they arrive in this research facility, they will search the area for their next clue!"
Issdudlerk Trail
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
On Fast Forward
"Wow, ice climbing is quite tough…" said Pikachu, panting, slowly knocking her picks into the ice to climb up the wall slightly more.
"Need any ice-sistance?" giggled Jigglypuff from several metres up.
Pikachu glared angrily.
Icicle Mountain National Park
Snake and Yoshi
Currently in 1st Place
"The station is really close," said Snake, pointing to a sign on the left.
Mewtwo and Falco
Martial Arts Experts
"Dude, I feel like… from my memory of the map before… that the map's upside down or something," said Falco, driving along, "Do you think we're going the right way?"
"Of course," said Mewtwo, "I'm psychic."
…
"I thought you were just telekinetic and a cat," snickered Falco.
"I know all of your darkest secrets!" threatened Mewtwo. "Like you like men!"
"I do not like men!" said Falco angrily, driving. "I'm married! I have four kids! It's just you're not psychic, okay bud?"
"I'm psychic, damn it!" said Mewtwo angrily.
"Suure…" said Falco, driving along.
"Think of a number then!" snapped Mewtwo.
"Yep," said Falco.
"EIGHT!" said Mewtwo, cackling.
"Seven," said Falco calmly.
"IT WAS EIGHT!" screamed Mewtwo, choking Falco.
The car spun out of control.
"EIGHT DAMN IT, EIGHT!" screamed Mewtwo.
The car started spinning towards a cliff.
"EIGHT!" screamed Mewtwo.
The car fell off the cliff.
"EIGHT!" screamed Mewtwo.
The car hit the ground and crumpled. Falco died.
"EIGHT!" screamed Mewtwo.
Mewtwo was slowly bleeding to death.
"EIGHT!" screamed Mewtwo.
Mewtwo died.
…
"EIGHT!" screamed Mewtwo.
Penguin Lake Village
Fox and Samus
Searching for Penguins
"I can't believe me totally stooged Mewtwo and Falco," laughed Samus.
"Here's one," said Fox, pointing to a penguin sitting in a wastepaper basket.
"Woo," said Samus, taking it.
They ran up to the guy.
He gave him the clue.
Fox and Samus
Currently in 2nd Place
"Woo," said Samus, opening the clue.
…
"…is that the only way you can describe your emotions? Woo?" said Fox angrily.
Samus shot Fox.
"OW!" screamed Fox, dying.
Samus can also shoot people.
Issdudlerk Trail
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
On Fast Forward
Jigglypuff, pulling with all her might, supported himself with his pick and hurled himself onto the top of the cliff.
"Great job, Jigglypuff!" said Pikachu excitedly.
"It was nothing actually!" laughed Jigglypuff, "Our cameraman allowed us to cheat on our ice-scent… it's just that we had to set up that fake shot, the only one where you can see me climbing for the viewing audience at home!"
"I'm pretending too," said Pikachu angrily, "Why would I support you if you did climb the wall? You'd take so long and hold us up!"
"Hold us up?" said Jigglypuff outraged, "Well, who has the slowest dash speed in the game?"
"You do!" said Pikachu angrily.
"Uh! Huh! Huh!" said Jigglypuff, running off crying. "I'm never talking to you again!"
"Fine!" said Pikachu angrily, "See if I care!"
"Clueee…" said the cameraman softly.
"Care?!" said Jigglypuff, outraged, "Who doesn't care?! You don't care! It was my birthday yesterday and you forgot!"
"It was my birthday yesterday!" said Pikachu angrily, "As my birthday gift you made me buy a five thousand dollar home entertainment system!"
"Clue, clue…" said the cameraman softly.
"Well maybe I thought you'd like that!" said Jigglypuff angrily.
"Well I'd like it if you didn't make me buy it with my own money, and you didn't end up putting all the stuff in your room!" said Pikachu angrily.
"Clue…" said the cameraman softly.
"Well I have the stuff and you don't!" said Jigglypuff, doing a 'nyah nyah' face to Pikachu.
"I'm the one with all of the money!" said Pikachu, "Maybe I'll just walk out and leave you paying all of those ridiculous loans you took out…"
…
"PIKIE!" cheered Jigglypuff happily, hugging Pikachu.
Suinnak Station
Mewtwo and Falco
Currently in Last Place
"Ah, I see a flag," said Mewtwo, pointing to a sign with an Amazing Race marker on it.
"Okay, we'll turn left," said Falco, turning the wheel sharply and going down a narrow lane.
"Those guys are so behind," laughed Mewtwo, pleased.
"It seemed a bit more than four kilometres though…" said Falco, going through the bumpy path.
"Parking area," said Mewtwo.
Falco parked the car, and hopped out.
"Let's find the clue…" said Falco.
"This path looks like it would have it…" said Mewtwo.
Falco and Mewtwo started trudging through a path, following the marked flags.
Issdudlerk Trail
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Currently in 1st Place
"So… what… your mood is suddenly happy now?" said Pikachu angrily.
"Of course it is!" said Jigglypuff angrily, taking the clue.
Jigglypuff sniffed in the lovely Arctic pollen, smiled and opened the clue. "You may now drive to the pit stop, Suinnak Station!"
"Jigglypuff and Pikachu," said Master Hand, "Having claimed the Fast Forward, may now skip all tasks and go directly to Suinnak Station, and run along a snowy path to the pit stop! This station, the lowest point in the whole Icicle Mountain area, is the tenth pit stop in a race around the world!"
"They must hurry, as the last team to arrive, may be eliminated."
Suinnak Station
Mewtwo and Falco
Currently in Last Place
"Oh my god…" said Falco, looking in the distance.
"What?" said Mewtwo, walking through the snow in his gumboots.
"That's… the pit stop…" said Falco.
A shrieking orchestral hit played in the background.
"We've stuffed up! We've overshot!" said Falco, panicking.
"Run back, dude! We're screwed!" said Mewtwo, scampering back towards the jeep.
Mequssuk Station
Snake and Yoshi
Currently in 2nd Place
"Fox and Samus were on our tail as we were leaving," said Snake, jogging up to the clue box, "Let's get this done quick."
Snake opened the clue. "Road Block! Who wants to be a ranger for a day?"
"Road Block!" said Master Hand, "A Road Block is a task that only one person may perform! In this Road Block, this person has to perform the duties of a park ranger, and riding local Icicle Mountain Rescue Sled Dogs, search a large, square kilometre area for two of twenty sick mannequins!"
"That person must load the mannequins one at a time onto a stretcher attached behind their toboggan seat and deliver them back to the hospital base, located near the clue box! Once both mannequins are located and delivered, they will be handed their next clue!"
"To simulate a rescue environment, the mannequins, with attached electronic devices will give cries and pleas for help, or have distinguishable clothing!"
"This Road Block involves racers both mastering travel using sled dogs and having sharp eyes for objects!"
"I'll do it," said Snake sexily, "I was a medic in 'Nam."
"No you weren't!" said Yoshi incredulously, "You were killing people!"
…
…
"Guns don't kill people, humans do!" said Snake angrily.
…
…
Fox and Samus
Currently in 3rd Place
"Road Block! Who wants to be a ranger for a day?" read Fox.
"I'll do it," said Samus.
"I'd love to see you in that sexy ranger uniform…" said Fox sexily.
…
"Or maybe I could see you in some of that sexy nurse uniform," said Fox sexily.
Samus was fifty metres away, doing the task.
"I'd like that," said Snake sexily.
Snake grinned.
Fox gulped.
Icicle Mountain National Park
Mewtwo and Falco
Currently in Last Place
"Dude, we are so screwed…" said a stressful Falco, pulling out his… feathers?!
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Currently in 1st Place
"Hey Pikachu, seeing that we're in icicle mountain…" said Jigglypuff in the backseat, "How about we get some ice-cream afterwards! Hehehe!"
Pikachu bashed his head against the dashboard.
Mequssuk Station
Yoshi
Patients Collected: 0
"Ooh, a mannequin!" said Yoshi happily, pointing to a mannequin in the snow.
A feral cat jumped out, lashing out and clawing out Yoshi's eyes.
"AAAHHH!" screamed Yoshi.
Samus
Patients Collected: 0
Yoshi was being mauled to death by cats.
Samus took the mannequin near Yoshi's writhing body.
Samus loaded it onto her stretcher.
"Ha, ha," laughed Samus, "Maul."
…
"Like a shopping mall!" laughed Samus, "I shop at malls sometimes! Wow! I fit in society! Yep! Yep!"
"Here's your key to the city!" said the mayor.
They hugged for the cameras.
Suinnak Station
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Currently in 1st Place
"Okay Jigs, I'll let you drive for the last few hundred metres," said Pikachu, getting out of the jeep.
Mewtwo and Falco
Currently in Last Place
"Come on, dude!" said Falco, trying to start the engine, "Let's beat this dump!"
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Currently in 1st Place
"Whee!" cheered Jigglypuff, driving slowly along the narrow road that was the only way into Suinnak Station.
Mewtwo and Falco
Currently in Last Place
"Faster!" screamed Falco, gunning down the narrow road that was the only way out of Suinnak Station.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Currently in 1st Place
"There's a car in the distance," said Pikachu, squinting into the distance.
"Whee!" cheered Jigglypuff, speeding up.
Mewtwo and Falco
Currently in Last Place
"Dude… is that another car?" said Falco, shocked.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Currently in 1st Place
"There's another car coming towards us… maybe we should pull over," said Pikachu.
"WHEE!" said Jigglypuff, speeding up.
Mewtwo and Falco
"So they want to play chicken, huh?" snarled Falco.
"Speed up, darn it!" screamed Mewtwo, pushing Falco's leg down onto the accelerator pedal.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
"If we both stay at this speed we'll crash," said Pikachu nervously, the two cars about two hundred metres away from each other.
"Well we wouldn't want that…" said Jigglypuff.
…
"WHEE!" said Jigglypuff, speeding up.
Mewtwo and Falco
"They're speeding up!" screamed Falco, panicking.
"Then you speed up, damn it! They're gonna pull over and we're not!" said Mewtwo angrily.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
The cars were getting closer.
"WHEE!" said Jigglypuff, going straight on towards Mewtwo and Falco's car.
Mewtwo and Falco
"AHHHHHH!" screamed Mewtwo and Falco in unison.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
"AAAAHHHH!" screamed Pikachu.
"WHEEEEEE!" screamed Jigglypuff.
Mewtwo and Falco
"AHHHHHH!" screamed Mewtwo and Falco in unison.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
"AAAAHHHH!" screamed Pikachu.
"WHEEEEEE!" screamed Jigglypuff.
Mewtwo and Falco
"AHHHHHH!" screamed Mewtwo and Falco in unison.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
"AAAAHHHH!" screamed Jigglypuff.
"WHEEEEEE!" screamed Pikachu.
Mewtwo and Falco
"AAAHHH"
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
"AAAAHHH"
Mewtwo and Falco
"AAAHH"
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
"AAAHH"
Mewtwo and Falco
"AAAH"
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
"AAAH"
Mewtwo and Falco
"AA"
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
"AA"
Mewtwo and Falc
"A"
Jigglypuff and Pika
"
Wario and Luigi's Morgue
"Now, this, kids," said Wario, "let's meet Carrie the Corpse!"
"Yaaay!" cheered the kids.
A drunk Luigi, wearing the skin of a rotting corpse staggered onto the stage.
"Stay… in… school… kidds!" he said, giving the thumbs-up.
Mewtwo and Falco
The two cars crashed head on.
Their bumpers collided and crumpled instantly, sending the passangers flying out through the windshields, shreds of safety glass and shredded seatbelts sailing solemnly behind them. The engines ignited, a small spark of fire giving way to a massive fireball that billowed across the icy landscape like a second sun, visible to anyone in a ten-kilometre radius, as an ear-shattering boom killed all the small ice-bunnies in the immediate vicinity. Four twisted, battered bodies flew willy-nilly from the wreck, collapsing onto the hard, cold ice with a resounding thud.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu stood up, beamed at the camera and happily skipped towards the pit stop.
"Guess we had a bit of an… ice-ident!" said Jigglypuff.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu chuckled heartily.
"Jigglypuff and Pikachu, you are team number one!" said Master Hand.
"Yay!" cheered Jigglypuff and Pikachu.
Mewtwo and Falco stared in disbelief.
"And you've both won…" said Master Hand, "…a scooter!"
Mewtwo and Falco stared in disbelief.
"Do you like scooters?" said Master Hand happily.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu nodded happily. Mewtwo and Falco stared in disbelief.
"Also, because you're on Icicle Mountain, we're going to treat you to some…" said Master Hand, "Ice-y poles!"
"That's lame," said Jigglypuff.
Mewtwo and Falco
Currently in Last Place
And screwed because they don't have a car
And have broken bones
Mewtwo and Falco stood there, bleeding.
"But I wanted a scooter!" cried Falco.
Mequssuk Station
Yoshi
Patients Collected: 0
"I'm trying to get this stupid mannequin on the back, but I have to keep on stopping because it always falls off," said Yoshi angrily, putting the mannequin on the stretcher again.
Samus
Patients Collected: 0
"These dogs are actually really frustrating to work with…" said Samus, trying to steer the dogs but going in repeated, short circles.
Suinnak Station
Mewtwo and Falco
Currently in Last Place
"Here's our replacement car…" said Falco, a jeep pulling up through the lane.
"Let's go dude!" said Mewtwo excitedly, hopping in.
Mequssuk Station
Yoshi
Patients Collected: 0
"Darn it, dogs! Concentrate on the task!" said Yoshi angrily, his dogs chasing an ice cream truck.
Samus
Patients Collected: 0
"If this were a real guy," said Samus, sighing, going in circles, "They would be so screwed because they wouldn't be able to get any proper medical attention…"
"I am a real guy…"
Penguin Lake
Mewtwo and Falco
Currently in Last Place
"Find a penguin and show it to the head researcher for your next clue!" read Mewtwo.
"Maybe someone's stuck here…" said Falco, running towards a house, "We might have some hope… it's a needle in a haystack task…"
Mequssuk Station
Samus
Patients Collected: 0
"Go straight, darn you!" said Samus, the eight dogs in front of her tangled in their ropes.
Yoshi
Patients Collected: 0
"I think I'm getting the hang of this!" said Yoshi excitedly, yanking on the rope gently to make the dogs go straight. "Yipee!"
Penguin Lake
Mewtwo and Falco
Currently in Last Place
"Oh… there it is…" said Mewtwo after opening a drawer.
"Grab it!" screamed Falco, "We can stay in this thing after all!"
Mequssuk Station
Yoshi
Patients Collected: 1
"Whee!" said Yoshi, reaching the medical station.
Yoshi hopped off the dogs and threw the mannequin inside.
Samus
Patients Collected: 0
"Hurry up, Samus!" called Fox from about fifteen metres away.
"It's not as easy as it seems!" said Samus angrily, her dogs entirely disinterested at the task in hand.
Icicle Mountain National Park
Mewtwo and Falco
Currently in Last Place
"Mequssuk Station… 2km on the left…" said Mewtwo, reading off a street sign.
"We're getting there, don't miss the turn-off again!" said Falco.
Mequssuk Station
Yoshi
Patients Collected: 1
"You're going great, Yoshi!" said Snake excitedly, "Find a mannequin! Find a mannequin!"
"Help! Help!" screamed something within the snow in front of Yoshi.
Yoshi picked it up.
"Thank you!" said a man desperately, "I've been out here for hours with my broken leg! You won't believe how glad I-"
"Not a mannequin," said Yoshi, dropping the man and driving off.
Samus
Patients Collected: 0
"Gosh darn it!" said Samus angrily, the dogs tangling her up in her sled.
Mewtwo and Falco
Currently in Last Place
"Here's the parking area," said Falco.
"Yep," said Mewtwo.
"There's two cars there!" said Falco, shocked.
"We got this, then!" said Mewtwo excitedly.
Yoshi
Patients Collected: 1
"More people are coming…" said Yoshi, loading his second mannequin on.
Samus
Patients Collected: 0
"You know what? I'm not even riding you stupid things," said Samus angrily, "I'm just going to freaking pull you back to the hospital!"
The dogs barked.
Mewtwo and Falco
Currently in Last Place
"Road Block! Who wants to be a ranger for a day?" read Falco.
"I'll do it," said Mewtwo, "I've done sled dogs before…"
Yoshi
Patients Collected: 1
"Bring it home, Yoshi! Mewtwo and Falco are here!" said Snake from the sideline, Yoshi sliding back along his toboggan.
Samus
Patients Collected: 1
"Great, company," said Samus, loading her first mannequin into the hospital.
Mewtwo
Patients Collected: 0
"Whee!" said Mewtwo, the sled dogs dashing through the snow, running towards a bright yellow mannequin in the distance.
Samus
Patients Collected: 1
"One more, Samus!" screamed Fox, "We can do this!"
Yoshi
Completed Road Block
"Make your way to the pit stop, Suinnak Station!" read Snake.
"Teams must now drive one kilometre to Suinnak Station, the pit stop of this leg of the race!" said Master Hand, "Teams must hurry as the last team to arrive… may be eliminated."
"Let's go!" said Yoshi happily.
"You did good, Yoshi!" said Snake, running to the jeep.
Mewtwo
Patients Collected: 0
"You better hurry, Samus," taunted Mewtwo, delivering his first mannequin back towards the hospital base, "Because Mewtwo's on your tail…"
Samus
Patients Collected: 1
"Oh, shut up," said Samus, searching around furiously for a second mannequin.
Mewtwo
Patients Collected: 1
"Halfway done in two minutes," said Mewtwo, grinning, "I bet you that took an hour!"
Samus
Patients Collected: 1
Samus reached a mannequin with an orange visibility top on.
"Gotcha!" screamed Samus excitedly.
Mewtwo
Patients Collected: 1
"This is too easy," said Mewtwo loudly, picking up his second mannequin, "I'd hate to have been here for hours!"
Samus
Patients Collected: 1
"Come on, dogs," said Samus desperately, the dogs pulling her slowly towards the hospital base. "Don't fail on me now!"
Mewtwo
Patients Collected: 1
"I'm on your tail!" said Mewtwo, speeding along, heading for the hospital base in front of him, "I'm close, lady! I'm close!"
Samus
Patients Collected: 1
Samus's sled was passed by Mewtwo's.
Mewtwo dumped his mannequin in the hospital and took a clue from a supervisor. Samus, several moments later did the same.
Mewtwo and Falco
Currently in 3rd Place
"Make your way to the pit stop, Suinnak Station!" read Mewtwo, as Falco drove along.
"We already know where to go," said Falco, speeding out of the station.
"This is for the final three, bud!" said Mewtwo excitedly.
Fox and Samus
Currently in Last Place
"Tailgate them at all costs," said Fox desperately.
"Got it," said Samus. "Fox, you better run your ass off here, okay?"
Pit Stop
Snake and Yoshi
Arrived 2nd
"Snake and Yoshi, you are team number two!" said Master Hand.
"Yay!" said Yoshi.
Icicle Mountain National Park
Mewtwo and Falco
"We've worked too hard for this…" said Falco, speeding along, Samus's car closely following, "We just have to hope that we can beat them in a footrace…"
Fox and Samus
"We've beaten them before in a sprint and we'll beat them again," said Samus, "Just fight the pain… this is to stay in, Fox."
Suinnak Station
A shot of two cars, one behind the other played on the screen.
Mewtwo and Falco
Mewtwo parked the car, undid his seatbelt and ran along the path towards the pit stop.
"Come on, Falco!" screamed Mewtwo.
As Samus parked the car, Fox got out and ran, chasing down Mewtwo and Falco.
Mewtwo and Falco's pace slowed down as they got into the thick, deep snow. As the pit stop was within eyesight, about a hundred metres, Mewtwo and Falco jogged as best as they could towards the pit stop.
Fox and Samus gained momentum, covering the path that Mewtwo and Falco previously covered to catch up.
Mewtwo and Falco reached the top of their ascent and eyed the fifty metre downwards straight towards the mat.
Fox and Samus peeled off from behind Mewtwo and Falco and started to make a move. Samus charged ahead of Mewtwo and Falco, Fox staying neck-and-neck.
"Hurry up!" screamed Samus, charging forward even more.
Fox, pushing, gained speed on Mewtwo and Falco, and alongside Fox and Samus, ran onto the mat.
Several seconds later, Mewtwo and Falco reached the pit stop.
"Fox and Samus," said Master Hand, "You are… team number three."
"All I can say is… phew," said Samus.
"Mewtwo and Falco," said Master Hand, "You are the last team to arrive."
Mewtwo and Falco nodded acceptingly.
"And I'm sorry to tell you," said Master Hand.
Mewtwo and Falco nodded.
"That this is a non-elimination leg and you guys are still in the race!" said Master Hand excitedly.
"Awesome!" cheered Falco, hugging Mewtwo, who then gave Falco a weird look.
"However, there is a punishment for coming in last…" said Master Hand, "You must participate next leg in a speed bump, a task that only you will perform! As this is going for the final three next leg… it could cost you the race!"
"We understand," said Falco.
"Now…" said Master Hand, "I understand things are getting a bit dirty between the two teams…"
"Yeah," said Falco angrily, "They tricked us! They led us in the wrong direction!"
"Well, that's what you get for yielding us!" said Fox angrily.
Mewtwo and Falco
Martial Arts Experts
"The final three will be decided next… and as we showed you today," said Falco, "We can catch up, even if we're an entire two tasks behind… we can beat anyone."
"We're going to the final three and pulling someone down in the process," said Mewtwo evilly, "And most likely that will be you… Fox and Samus."
Dramatic music played.
Finish Times:
Jigglypuff and Pikachu: 3:23 PM
Snake and Yoshi: 4:20 PM
Fox and Samus: 4:28 PM
Mewtwo and Falco: 4:29 PM – Not Eliminated
Thanks for all of the reviews, again, much appreciated! Who do you think will win, who do you want to win? Do you still think the same team will win? GO GO NOW
"Next time, on The Smashy Amazing Race," said Master Hand, "The final four, becomes… the final three!"
"This is so amazing!" screamed Jigglypuff, falling through the air, the furiously fast wind stretching her face.
"There are three spots left for the million dollars…"
"It's revenge time, baby!" said Falco, running up the flight of stairs.
"Who will stay in?"
"Go! Go!" screamed Pikachu desperately, scampering across the ground.
"Who will go out?"
"This is so stressful!" screamed Samus, hurling the object at the window.
"It's going to get dirty!"
"I hate this!" said Falco angrily, running through the mud.
"It's going to get extreme!"
"I don't think I can do this!" cried Yoshi, standing on the edge.
"It's going to get nasty!"
"Guys…" said Falco reassuringly, "This may be our only chance at getting them out of the final three!"
"On The Smashy Amazing Race… Who will be eliminated… next?"