Uncanny Deadpool II

Chapter 10: Weasel Meets the X-Men

By

The Uncanny R-Man

Disclaimer- All familiar characters belong to Marvel.

R-Man's Random Fact- WWE Diva Torrie Wilson likes to eat whipped cream straight out of the can.

Xavier Institute-

A rather battered-looking car pulled up outside the gates of the Xavier Institute for Higher learning. A red gloved hand reached out and pressed the button for the intercom.

'Sage, it's me.' Wade Wilson spoke into the little metal grille. 'Let me in, let me in!'

'Not by the hairs on my chinny-chin-chin.' Sage's tinny voice retorted.

'Just open the damn door, okay?' Wade sighed. 'Unless you want to deny Betsy her chocolate. And you know how Betsy gets when she misses out on her chocolate...'

There was a brief pause before the gates of the Institute swung open. Wade drove up the driveway and parked outside the front door.

'Wow. This is the Xavier Institute, huh?' Weasel, Wade's computer hacker friend, gazed in awe up at the building. 'I've seen it on TV plenty of times, but I've never seen it in person.'

'Oh, it gets better...' Wade grinned as he opened the car's back door and placed a box into Weasel's hands. 'Here, hold this for a sec...'

Weasel put his ear against the box.

'There's something moving in here...'

'That would be another one of Betsy's presents.' Wade explained. 'Well, apart from the ridiculously large amount of chocolate.'

Weasel carefully carried the box into the mansion, following Wade closely. He didn't want to turn a wrong corner and end up confronting Wolverine or something.

'Man, I can't believe you actually teach here.' Weasel shook his head in amazement. 'The old Deadpool that I used to know would never do anything like that.'

'Oh, I'm sure I haven't changed all that much.' Wade chuckled.

'Wade...' Weasel shot his friend a kind-hearted glare. 'You once stabbed me in the leg for the last Cheez Puff.'

'I apologised for that, didn't I?' Wade blinked.

'No, you didn't apologise!' Weasel sighed in irritation. 'And they were my Cheez Puffs!'

'That's not how I remember it...' Wade shrugged.

Weasel stopped in his tracks as he passed the door to the rec room.

'Umm, excuse me for asking a stupid question...' The computer hacker frowned. 'But... why is Wolverine being mauled by three small wolf cubs?'

'Why not?' Wade shrugged in response. 'The Sinclair kids need to find their killer instincts sooner or later.'

'You trained them to be your own personal attack squad, didn't you?' Weasel shook his head in disbelief.

'Well, I have to occupy myself somehow now that Betsy's pregnant.' Wade pointed out. 'And how better than training somebody else's kids to attack your enemies?'

'But aren't you afraid of recriminations?' Weasel enquired. 'This is Wolverine we're talking about. Anyway, does their mother approve of this?'

'Oh, he thinks he's all that.' Wade scoffed. 'Wolverine isn't the best at what he does anymore. Squirrel Girl is the best at what anybody does! I bet the almighty Wolverine hasn't beaten badasses like Doctor Doom or Thanos single-handedly. Who has Wolverine beaten? Lame-o's like Sabretooth and Lady Deathstrike. What-ever!'

Wade stopped his rant as he heard an excited yapping.

Wade held out his hands as Wanker the yellow Labrador puppy came barrelling towards him and leapt into his arms.

'And hello to you too.' Wade chuckled as the little yellow puppy started to slobber over his face. 'You're a good boy, aren't you? Yes, you are! Wanker's a good boy! Yes, he is! Aren't you gonna say hello to Uncle Weas?'

Wanker stopped licking his master's face to regard the scruffy-looking stranger.

'Rrrrrr...'

'Hey, be nice.' Wade told his canine companion. 'That's no way to treat a friend. Is it, Wanker?'

'You called your dog Wanker?' Weasel groaned

'It's a little more original than calling him Rover, or Fido.' Wade pointed out. 'Now, come on. We've got X-Men to see...'

Elsewhere-

A very heavily pregnant Betsy Braddock was rifling through the kitchen shelves in search of some chocolate.

'Bloody hell...' The purple-haired British mutant grumbled. 'Is one tiny little bar of sodding chocolate too much to bloody well ask for? I'd even settle for half a Milky Bar...'

The sound of excited yapping made Betsy turn around. A grateful smile graced Betsy's lips when she saw Wade enter the room, holding a bar of chocolate aloft like it was the Holy Grail.

'Oh, you are a life saver...' Betsy said as she took the chocolate, unwrapped it, and shovelled it into her mouth. 'Mmm... I needed that.'

'Uh, Cute Buns...?' Wade piped up. 'You've got a little...' Wade indicated the fact that Betsy's mouth was covered in chocolate.

'Oh... Right...' Betsy nodded in understanding as she wiped the chocolate off her lips with the back of her hand, and then licked the chocolate off the back of said hand.

Betsy then noticed the scruffy-looking gentleman standing beside her fiancé.

'Oh, Wade...' Betsy tutted with a shake of her head. 'You haven't been picking up homeless people, have you? I told you, training homeless people to attack your enemies is wrong. It's much funnier to see Wolverine get mauled by children anyway.' weasel's jaw dropped.

'I should be surprised, but I'm not.' The hacker groaned.

'This is Weasel, Bets.' Wade pointed out. 'Remember? My best man? I stabbed him in the leg for the last Cheez Puff once?'

'Oh, I remember him now.' Betsy nodded in recognition. 'So, what you got in the box? Ooh! Is it for me?'

Wade took the box from Weasel and held it out for Betsy to take. Wanker stood up on his hind legs to try and get a better look.

Betsy put the box down on the counter and opened it up. Looking up at her was a little Alsatian puppy.

'Another puppy?' Betsy blinked in surprise. 'Not that I'm ungrateful or anything, but... isn't one enough already?'

'Look at it this way, Cute Buns...' Wade explained himself. 'If I ever get enough money so we can move out and get a place of our own, we'll need a guard dog. Now, as much as I love Wanker, he's as daft as a sack of hammers. Look.'

Betsy looked at the little Labrador pup. Wanker had lost interest in the new arrival and had started to chase his tail.

'I can see what you mean.' Betsy nodded in understanding. 'Now, what are we going to call...' Betsy held the little Alsatian up so she could determine whether it was male or female. '...Her?'

'I was thinking of calling her Chloe.' Wade suggested. 'Y'know, cuz I thought it was a pretty name...'

Betsy held up the new puppy.

'What do you think?' Betsy asked her new canine companion. 'Do you think you look like a Chloe? Hmm, do you?'

The little Alsatian pup simply licked Betsy on the nose.

'I'll take that as a yes.' Betsy grinned as she hugged Chloe close.

'You do realise that getting a new puppy so soon could make the one you already have jealous, right?' Weasel warned the pair.

Sure enough, not too far away, Wanker narrowed his eyes at the new arrival. This was his yard, and no bitch was going to intrude and take away his humans!

TBC...

Next: Cable Meets the Puppies

He has been faced such foes as Apocalypse, Stryfe, and the Mutant Liberation Front, but now the man known as Cable has to face his most challenging mission... dog-sitting Wanker and Chloe!