Eddie didn't like the looks of the neighborhood he and Maxime were wandering through.
Every building was run down, most of the street lamps were burnt out, and there were far too many people sleeping on the sidewalks and benches for Eddie's liking. Trash was strewn all over the streets and the air reeked like pee and rotten food. Eddie clung to Maxime's shoulders for dear life as he looked around in sheer terror. She tried to shrug him off at first, but he had an absolute vice grip on her. She sighed and kept shuffling him along without complaining.
"Maxime, this neighborhood is absolutely disgusting!" Eddie hiss-whispered, his voice shaky. "What on Earth could you want to see that's in a place like this?!
"First of all, this neighborhood is absolutely nothing compared to my older brother Grant's room," Maxime chuckled at her own little joke. "Second of all, didn't I say you'll see when we get there?" Maxime looked back at Eddie and smiled at him.
Eddie felt his heart melt into a puddle of jelly as he smiled back. For a fleeting moment Maxime's flawless smile made him forget all of the filth around him. Though Eddie instantly resumed looking around like a frightened Robean the second she turned back around.
"Almost there…" Maxime increased her stride in her anticipation. "I memorized the directions to this place; I've been dying to go for ages!"
Eddie racked his brain for the kinds of things Maxime enjoyed in hopes of guessing where on Earth they were going…
…Eddie's brain almost blew a fuse when he realized he had absolutely no idea about what Maxime was interested in. He knew she could sew and she loved big piñatas, but that was it…he had fallen in love with her looks and not her brain. What kind of man was he?
"…hey, Eddie? Are you crying?" Maxime turned to look at Eddie, one eyebrow cocked in disbelief.
"I am not!" Eddie sniffled. He had just got a bit misty…he thought he was smarter than this! He looked down at Maxime's inquisitive face and felt something stir inside him. He would make it his mission to learn more about her. He couldn't make himself fall out of love…he was already in way too deep!
Eddie swallowed and blinked back tears. Maybe going along with Maxime tonight would teach him what he needed to know…something good would come out of letting his expensive shoes touch the disgusting concrete of this sorry excuse for a neighborhood…
"Oh boy, we're finally here!" Maxime's thrilled voice broke Eddie out of his thoughts. When Eddie was spacing out, Maxime had led him down an alleyway with an enormous set of stone stairs at the end. The stairs descended underground and Eddie could hear a muffled din of loud voices coming up from the darkness.
"Here…right!" Eddie put on a false grin. "Well…shall we go?"
Maxime narrowed her eyes at him. "Don't look like you're about to walk into your death, Eddie. I went to that dumb play, so you have to come here. That was the deal!"
"I know, and I'm ready and willing!" Eddie nervously straightened his tie.
Maxime sighed. "If you say so, buddy…" With that, she began descending the stairs.
Eddie felt a brief urge to make a run for it and then mentally kicked himself. He was doing this for a lady. A rough and tumble lady, but a lady nonetheless!
He descended the stairs after Maxime, swallowing a lump in his throat. This night was going to be…trying. He could feel it in his bones…
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Eddie nearly fainted when he and Maxime finished walking down the stairs. They opened up into an enormous underground room that was filled with people. People who Eddie usually wouldn't dream of associating with. Almost all of them were dressed in dark colors, they were louder and pushier than a herd of agitated Elephanillas. The room was thick with smoke and stunk like Smelba.
There was a gigantic ring in the center of the room surrounded by a chain-link fence that most of the people were crowded around, whooping and cheering. In the ring were two Limeoceri with their horns locked. Both of the Limeos were gold variants and appeared to be poorly sewn back together hundreds of times. On two elevated platforms on either side of it were a burly-looking young man with a thick beard sticking out of the bottom of his blue mask, and-
Eddie had to rub his eyes and check again just to make sure he wasn't hallucinating.
The other person was an exceptionally tiny woman. She wore a long Zumbug patterned dress and a half-mask to match. Her almond-shaped eyes were outlined in thick black eyeliner and she wore her jet black hair in a long, swishy ponytail that reached halfway down her back.
"Maxime…" Eddie tugged on her arm and pointed to the young woman. "Who's that?"
Maxime almost chuckled at the dopey look on Eddie's face. Of course he would notice the most attractive thing in the room right away…
"She's gorgeous, huh?" Maxime's brown eyes filled with stars and she actually folded her hands under her chin. That girlish stance was normally something Maxime would never be caught in, but she admired this woman beyond belief! "Her name is Sayuri Yoshida. I've been following her website for years, she's one of the biggest names in piñata fighting!" Maxime sighed in adoration. "She's my idol! The very reason I love big piñatas as much as I do!"
"What?!" Eddie was stuck on the words "piñata fighting." "This is a piñata fighting ring?! Maxime, this is illegal! If my father found out I could get in serious trouble, be forbidden to speak with you ever again, be so disrespected that no one would join the P-Factor! I'd have to leave town, start a new life, and-what is that?"
Eddie's rant came to a screeching halt when Maxime reached into her purse and held a long white thing up to Eddie's face.
"Light it up and stick it in your mouth," Maxime said as if it were the easiest thing in the world. "It will work that stick out of your ass in no time."
"Maxime!" Eddie placed his hand over his heart and his jaw plummeted right to the floor. "Is that mary-wanna?! Why would you even have such a thing?! Get that away from me this instant!"
"Cripes, Eddie, who are you, my dad?" Maxime rolled her eyes and lowered the joint away from Eddie's face.
"You aren't going to smoke…are you?" Eddie looked a bit nervous. He had never been around anyone who was high, and he was more than a bit frightened of what those horrid chemicals would do to someone like Maxime.
"You kidding me?" Maxime chuckled a bit. "I wanna be stone cold sober! Like I said earlier, I've wanted to come here all my life!"
Eddie let out a long sigh of relief. "Good…" He still looked more than a little jittery.
"Seriously, you need to loosen up…" Maxime stealthily slipped the joint into Eddie's messenger bag. "Just try not to think. It'll make things easier!" She grinned at him and clapped him on the back.
"Easier said than done…" Eddie turned his eyes back to the tiny woman yelling out commands to her Limeocerous. The confident way she was standing and the gigantic toothy smile on her face…man, she really reminded him of Maxime…
Eddie snapped out of his trance when an enormous Sarsgorilla showed up in his peripheral vision. He turned towards it just in time for it to loom over him. Much to Eddie's immense shock, the Sarsgorilla opened its mouth and started to speak.
"You lookin' at my girl, fairy boy?" The Sarsgorilla picked up Eddie by his shirt collar. Eddie let out a gigantic squeak and his jaw dropped once he realized that this wasn't a Sarsgorilla at all. It was an enormous man with a frighteningly accurate Sarsgorilla mask on, built like a brick wall and nearly eight feet tall. Eddie wriggled around like a fish on a line in an attempt to get away from him, but this man's grip would not be broken. "You wanna fight me for her?" The mouth of the man's mask turned up into a smug smile. "I could snap you like a toothpick, kid!"
Eddie squeezed his eyes shut and waited for his life to end.
"HEY!" Maxime's voice broke through the din of the crowd. Everyone went silent and turned to look at her. They instantly became very interested in what was going on once they noticed skinny little Eddie about to have his ass kicked by an enormous Sarsgorilla of a man.
"Put him down!" Maxime stomped a foot impudently as she glared up at Sarsgorilla Man.
Sarsgorilla Man glared back at her for five full seconds before throwing his head back and laughing, shaking poor Eddie like an old rag doll. Eddie let out a whimper and looked down at Maxime, manic desperation in his violet eyes.
"Ha, that's a good one, little lady!" Sarsgorilla Man wiped his eyes with his free hand. "What's someone like you doing with a pussy like this, huh? I could talk Sayuri into-OOF!"
While he was busy monologueing, Maxime had slammed her knee right into his crotch. Sarsgorilla released his grip on Eddie as he doubled over in pain. Eddie landed ass-first on the pavement and softly groaned, curling up into a little ball.
The crowd was stunned silent for a moment, but promptly burst into whistles and cheers once they processed what had just happened. Maxime beamed and her cheeks went rosy. She might have just knocked over her idol's boyfriend, but hey, it was a hell of a first impression!
The crowd suddenly parted and Sayuri stepped through, her high heels clacking on the concrete. Maxime felt her heart fall into her stomach. Oh, shit… Things would take a turn for the worse if Sayuri felt the need to knock out Maxime for hurting her boyfriend…
Sayuri made eye contact with Maxime, covered her mouth, and let out a series of rough chuckles. Maxime almost passed out from sheer relief.
"She got you good, huh, Lars?" Sayuri said between snickers. She strolled over to her boyfriend and put a hand on his arm, but he swatted her away.
"Who does she think she is; bringing a guy with a purse to a place like this?" Lars seethed, glaring at Eddie, who was still in a shaky heap on the ground. "Just look at him. Pathetic!"
"It's a messenger bag…" Eddie squeaked, but no one heard him over the crowd's laughter.
Sayuri glared at the crowd and they instantly shut up. She reached into her purse, pulled out an enormous brown cigar, and lit it. "Hey, sweetie, you're brave, coming here with a guy like that…" Sayuri puffed the cigar once and smiled at Maxime. "He wouldn't exactly do a good job protecting you if the going got tough, right? Glad to see a girl who can take care of herself." She clenched the cigar between her teeth and held out her dainty hand to Maxime.
Maxime eyed her hand with sheer disbelief. Sayuri Yoshida, a woman that she had only read about, just complimented her and wanted to shake her hand.
Maxime snapped out of it and gave Sayuri the firmest handshake she could muster in her starstruck haze. She probably had the stupidest look on her face, but she didn't care. Her hand was still tingling when she withdrew it from Sayuri's.
"I'm a big fan," Maxime smiled bashfully at Sayuri. Shy smiles weren't her usual thing, but she couldn't help herself. "I just came here to see you, but I didn't expect to be complimented by you! Thanks, it means a whole lot! I love what you do and-"
"Sweetie, believe me, I love receiving compliments as much as the next girl, but you might want to help your boyfriend up," Sayuri said around her cigar, nodding in Eddie's direction.
"We're just friends, Sayuri…" Maxime shook her head, but she headed over to help poor Eddie up anyway.
Eddie leaned on her shoulder, his legs wobbling like a newborn Chocstrich's as Maxime hauled him to his feet.
"Maxime, I wanna go home…" Eddie whispered to her. Maxime almost groaned. He looked like a frightened little Galagoogoo that had ventured too deep into the jungle. Eddie was a sorry excuse for a man; Maxime couldn't believe that Sayuri had assumed that she was dating a guy like him.
"Eddie, apart from you almost getting your ass kicked to high heaven, tonight has been amazing for me," Maxime whispered right back, barely disguised irritation in her voice. "At least let me enjoy my time here just for a little bit? No one will mess with you for the rest of the night. I promise."
Eddie knew very well that Maxime couldn't control the actions of others, and with all of the burly men around, that promise probably wouldn't hold true…
…but her voice and expression were completely sincere. How could Eddie say no to a face like hers?
Not to mention Eddie wouldn't dream about leaving a beautiful girl in a place like this! She could be hurt or defiled, and he'd NEVER forgive himself if he left without her!
Eddie put on a pale, broken grin. "Okay," he squeaked, his voice half an octave higher than usual.
"Atta boy," Maxime gave him two firm pats on the shoulder. "You really do need to loosen up, though. Are you sure you don't want a joint?"
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Half an hour passed as sluggishly as a sick Shellybean in quicksand.
Eddie couldn't believe how barbaric everyone here was! It seemed like every three seconds an argument or a fistfight would break out in the crowd, not to mention all of these sorry excuses for human beings had awful vocabularies. Eddie didn't think it was possible for someone to swear five times in one sentence. This crowd of rapscallions proved him otherwise.
The piñata fighting was even worse. It was mostly big piñatas or smaller, but still fearsome ones. They would fight aggressively and a tall man in an odd cash register shaped mask would take bets. The piñatas would snarl, tear off each others' limbs, and send candy flying all over the place like a sugary explosion of bullets. Paper flew into the crowd and stuck to the hair and clothes of the observers. Every time a piñata swiped at its opponent, the crowd would erupt into obnoxious cheers that pounded unpleasantly into Eddie's ears. Ugh.
Maxime screamed with glee when a Sour Cocoadile tore one of the heads off of a Fourheads and sent it skyward. Eddie gasped, raising his hands to his mouth. He couldn't believe someone would let such a beautiful piñata be torn to shreds by a Sour for entertainment! How on Earth did someone even manage to keep a Sour Piñata as a pet? The only person Eddie ever met who could wrangle a Sour was Dastardos, and that towering young man with the surprisingly perfect smile certainly wasn't the grim reaper of piñatas!
To make matters even worse, Maxime kept getting hit on. Random guys would tell her that they were much better than "the sissy boy" she came in with or make lewd comments. Much to Eddie's relief, Maxime usually ignored them or gave them a chastising glare. Eddie wouldn't know what to do if she was receptive to guys like that flirting with her…
The next round had Sayuri's Jeli against a Sour Limeocerous. The latter's trainer was covered with bruises and cuts, and even had what looked like a prosthetic left arm. Despite his infirmities, he had a great air of confidence about him as he led his snarling piñata into the ring.
Maxime burst into a grin. "Ooh, I'm gonna go make a bet on Sayuri's Jeli!" She went to run off towards the betting table, but Eddie grabbed onto the back of her dress before she could.
"Don't be so foolish with your money, Maxime!" Eddie scolded, his voice low. "Gambling? Didn't you say that money is tight with your family?"
Maxime snorted. "Eddie, it's my money, and I'll do what I want with it." She pulled Eddie's hand off of her dress and let a smile cross her lips. "I know I'll win this one. Sayuri only lost one match, and I happen to know for a fact that her opponent cheated!"
Eddie gave Maxime a look of disapproval, but she completely ignored him and went running to make her bet. Eddie slumped in defeat and waited for her to come back.
A few minutes later, the match began. Maxime had returned to Eddie's side, clutching her ticket and grinning at the ring. Eddie's stomach had triple knotted itself and his heart was beating ridiculously fast. He wasn't the one who had made the bet, but the very thought of Maxime losing her money…he couldn't bear to see her with a look of crushed disappointment on her face! He'd surely cry if that happened…and God only knows what the brutes here would do to him if he did!
The Sour Limeo rammed into the Jeli, tearing an enormous hole in its stomach using its sharp horn. Eddie sucked in an enormous gasp and Maxime yelled "COME ON!"
Eddie covered his eyes and braced himself for the worst…
RRRRRRRRIIIIIIP!
Eddie peeked through his fingers just to see what that horrible noise was. He almost cried out from sheer relief when he saw that Sayuri's Jeli had torn the head of the Sour Limeo clean off.
Sayuri snickered and gave her cigar a victory puff. Her opponent tore at his red hair and looked like he was ready to walk over there and punch that smug look right off of her face. He locked eyes with Sayuri's boyfriend for a brief second and then decided that probably wasn't the best idea.
Most of the audience began cursing and complaining since they had blown huge sums of money betting on the Sour Limeocerous. A small fraction, including Maxime, cheered and ran to the betting table like Sherbats out of Hell.
Maxime ran back to Eddie with a ridiculously fat bag of Chocolate Coins. She was all smiles as she waved it in his face.
"I was scared I wouldn't win for a second there, but I DID!" Maxime shouted gleefully. "Twenty five thousand chocolate coins, right here!" She hugged the money to her chest, her eyes glimmering.
"Not so loud! Someone here might mug you…" Eddie placed his thumb in his mouth as he nervously looked around at the crowd around him.
Maxime gave Eddie a flat look. "You are such a buzzkill, Edward Lizard." She pinched his arm a little too hard and he yelped.
Eddie bit his lip and rubbed where Maxime pinched him. "Fine, Maxime. I'm very happy for you. I mean that." Eddie put on the most charming grin he could in surroundings like this.
Maxime smiled back at him. "That's more like it." She gave his arm an affectionate pat. "Just one more hour? Then we can go."
Eddie gave that careful thought, bobbing side to side as he pondered. "…okay, for you."
"You're a good guy!" Maxime gave him a half-hug and Eddie almost melted into a puddle. It wasn't a full hug and it was ridiculously quick, but it was way more affection than Maxime had ever shown him before! Eddie blushed and smiled, barely even processing the fact that Maxime ran off to talk with Sayuri again.
Sure, Maxime wasn't the kind of person he usually got along with. She was brash, loud, rough, and brave to a fault…but she had a great sense of humor, confidence, and a wonderfully endearing excitable nature. Eddie might have fallen in love with her looks, but after learning a bit more about her…he certainly wasn't going to give up.
His whole body still felt warm from Maxime's half-hug. That one little bit of affection gave him faith that their relationship might actually go somewhere one day…
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Professor Pester sat curled up in the corner of the rickety elevator, lethargic and miserable. He had been stuck here for what felt like weeks, his stomach was practically eating itself and he had been reduced to quietly crying in the corner. He had attempted to Alert Dastardos hundreds of times in hopes that he would come to rescue him, but to no avail. Every time he Alerted Dastardos, he got the same message:
"If this is Pester, I'm busy. If this is anyone else, how the fuck did you get this number?"
The fact that Pester's underling didn't give a care about him bothered him more than he thought it would. This was no way for an evil villain to act! No one would find him intimidating if they knew about this…
I'm going to die in here… Pester realized, clutching the fabric of his zoot suit in a fist. This is no end for a villain of my caliber…I'll be the laughing stock of the Evil League of Evil!
Pester let out a roar of anger and punched the metal wall of the elevator so hard that he made an enormous dent. The entire elevator car shifted and suddenly started moving downward again.
Professor Pester leapt to his feet, completely energized, and jumped for joy. "YES YES YES! Finally I can prowl the streets of Poprockolis! Professor Pester's back, baby!" He threw his head back and burst into an evil laugh as the doors to the elevator opened.
"Whatever you're on…" the obese woman behind the desk blinked slowly at Professor Pester. "…I want some."
Professor Pester ignored her and strolled out the creaky door, grinning ear to ear.
"First order of business…" Professor Pester snickered to himself. He was so used to speaking out loud as he thought in his evil lair that it didn't occur to him that it might not be acceptable to think aloud in public. "…is to go and get some food. Then I find myself a beautiful buxom woman to spend the night with!" He rubbed his hands together and practically skipped down the cracked sidewalk.
Who needs Dastardos anyway? Pester thought as he pranced. I'll enjoy myself much more without him mucking things up!