Chapter Ten - And it Sucks
The cool air hit my face like needles, the sharp wind cutting across my body as my hair blew up like a tornado around my head. I was surprised of the sudden change of weather, and shaking in my boots.
After getting home from Emily's yesterday I slipped into bed and slept all day, tired as hell and needing a mental rest. This morning I had woken, taken a shower, feeling refreshed, and then, once again, reality came crashing down on my shoulders. I had come out on the porch for some fresh air, trying to remember to stay strong throughout everything.
I noticed a figure coming out of the distance and my breath seemed to stop. I could tell it was Paul from his toned body, the way his shirt stretched across his chest… I shook my head… 'Geez, get a grip Rachel!' I thought to myself angrily.
My eyes followed him as he jogged to my house, smiling like an idiot the whole time. I couldn't stop the smile spreading across my own face, much to my inner chagrin. He stepped to the porch, reaching out to grab me before I could say anything.
He was stifling hot as usual, his lips warm and against mine. I shivered in his grip before quickly pulling away, putting a hand against his chest to stop him.
"Wait… wait, Paul. I… we need to talk. We need to talk about this whole imprinting thing." I said seriously, watching the smile slowly melt off his face, replaced with a frown. I hated that, seeing him frown in comparison to his smile. He let me go and I stepped backwards a few steps, sitting down on the slightly damp couch. There was barely enough room for him, too, so I was partially in his lap.
"Rach, what do we need to talk about?" he asked grumpily, crossing his arms. That flared my anger and annoyance considerably.
"What is there to talk about? WHAT is there TO talk ABOUT?" I screeched, my voice reaching an abnormally high pitch as my hands balled into fists of anger. Suddenly, I realized that the only way we were going to get anywhere was if we both stayed as calm as possible, including me. I closed my eyes, counting to ten before opening them again.
"Paul, this whole imprint… well, it ruined my future. I wanted to get away from this town, far away. I wanted to graduate from college and have a few more wild nights before finding my 'soul mate'," I paused, studying his now blank face. "I just… I don't want to stay here for a while. Maybe someday I'll come back, but at this time in my life, I'm too scared to face anything." I finished, hating that I could be so open to him with some things. I normally I wouldn't have admitted to anybody that I was scared of anything. His eyes darkened as he looked me over.
"Rachel… you are… I don't even know what to say. I know that you didn't want this imprint; I know that you wanted to get away… But I'm tied down here. I have responsibilities to my pack and to my alpha. And I… I'll die without you. That's something that would be unbearable. Whether we like it or not, I love you more than anything else in the world, and being away from you for more than a week at a time would be too painful…" he whispered, his voice cracking in several places. As he finished, he placed his head in his hands and a silence overtook us.
It shocked me. That was the one emotion I could precisely put my finger on. I reached out; placing my hand on his should tentatively. "Paul?" My voice was shaky, "I'm sorry… I didn't know." Slowly he looked up, our eyes met, and I burst into tears.
I fell into his arms, not caring if he heard or saw me. I felt so open when I was with him, like if I cried, it wouldn't change his opinion of me. I felt myself slowly feeling better as he cradled me, rocking me back and forth. "Shh, everything will turn out right in the end." He pressed his lips against my ears. As I heard those words, I knew for some reason I could trust them completely.
As my sobs turned into soft hiccups, I peeled my face against his shirt, and blushed. "I ruined your shirt." I mumbled into my hands as my face turned a deeper shade of red. It wasn't really just the shirt, despite the unfortunate feeling of complete ease around Paul, I was still beyond embarrassed about my outburst.
"It's alright; you can ruin my shirt anytime." He whispered, pressing his face into my hair and inhaling deeply. I struggled to sit up in his death hold, wiping the tears off my cheek.
"Paul, kiss me, please?" I begged, turning my face so our noses were pressed together. I was usually one to make the guy beg, but I needed it… I needed it so bad.
He obeyed instantly, his tongue sliding into my mouth like a perfect fit. My spirits started to lift, a perfect spiral upwards. Paul's hands gently caressed my back, getting the knots out perfectly. I sighed as he finally pulled away, smiling softly as I rested my head against his shoulder, closing my eyes.
I guess, in retrospect, maybe you'd say I was happy… but this foreboding feeling kept entering my body. I knew deep in my heart that I wasn't; I wasn't completely happy at all.
-+-+-
The rain was coming down in huge droplets, splashing off of my nose and hitting the ground like thunder. My mind was reeling as I looked around wildly, searching desperately for something. That was the thing; I didn't know what I was searching for…
The rain seemed to come down harder as I frantically searched for it. My mind was becoming clearer, but for some reason I tried to keep pushing the memories away,. The more I pushed them away, the more they seemed to come back with even greater vengence.
I came across a shed. It was small, the door was hanging off its hinges and the windows had most of the glass missing. I pushed it open, tentatively entering. I gasped in horror as my eyes beheld the room.
It was totally empty, except for a huge wolf's body on the floor. I could see its chest moving in and out slowly, though it was getting slower by the second.
I drifted to the wolf, kneeling by its side. There was a crunch of glass and my head snapped up to see another huge wolf, its fur rustic red. I curled into the grey wolf on the ground's side, clamping its fur in my hands.
The rustic wolf started growling, its teeth bore. I whimpered as I thought it was advancing on me. As I looked to where its eyes were directed, I trembled in even more fear as I saw her.
She was petite, her blond hair cut in a short style, accentuating her angelic features. She was terrific, everything about her seemed to be beautiful… but her eyes, her eyes were blood red. I sank lower into the wolf, wholly afraid of my life.
The rustic wolf advanced on the woman, a low growl still emitting from him throat. I watched as he jumped in the air, poised to attack her. But she was quick; she jumped up, sinking her teeth into the wolf's neck.
The wolf whimpered as it dropped to the ground, writhing on it in pain. I let out a strangled cry as he started to choke, his breaths becoming shorter and shorter. I let my hand fall to the grey wolf's chest, and felt as his heartbeats became more faint with each passing beat.
Sorrow was mangling me as I watched them both die, they seemed so important to me… and my heart shattered. I fell to the ground, gasping for breath ad clutching my chest. Tears fell down my cheeks as the beautiful woman stepped forward. I watched in shock as her hair grew longer and longer, darkening too until it was long and charcoal black. Her skins softened, turning a tan brown, her cheekbones raised as her eyes grew wider, and she shot up about two feet in front of my eyes.
I gasped as she took on the full form of my mother… "Rachel! Rachel… how could you let them die? Your own brother! Your lover too… How could you, my beautiful?" my mom moaned, her voice coming out sad, tears trailing down her cheeks.
I sprang up, hating to see her so terribly sad. I made to wipe the tear off her face, but my hand went through thin air, her body blurred, before utterly disappearing.
I let out another strangled cry before falling to my knees, sobbing…
I shot up in bed, gasping for air. The tears in my dream turned to be real, and I found myself shaking hard, sobs racking my body. I felt warm hands grab my shoulders, and thought for a moment they were Paul's, until Jake's frantic voice cut my thoughts off. "Rachel? What's wrong? Even dad heard you crying and screaming!" He said, shaking me slightly as though to snap me out of it.
"I-I'm sorry Jake, I had a bad dream." I whispered, immediately trying to stifle my tears. What was up with today being so emotional?
"Yeah, well, try to have a quieter nightmare next time," he mumbled, but his expression softened, sitting down on the bed.
"What was it about?" he asked me, a little bit of the old Jacob showing. I couldn't help but smile at his show of affection for me.
"It was… nothing. Really, Jake, just forget I even had it… please?" I begged of him. I didn't want anyone to know of my dream… From what I knew of the legends, the beautiful woman was a vampire, and I was guessing from what I felt that Jake and Paul were the werewolves… I didn't know what that, plus my mother being there meant, but all together it was frightening.
I hated it. I hated having to need Paul, the feeling of utter comfort and trust already settled between us. But at the same time… I need it. Unfortunately, I felt better after talking to him. It was like a new day had started all over again, and it felt amazing. When I'm with Paul, I feel like I'm twenty feet tall. Like I'm able to do anything, anytime.
And it sucks.
-+-+-
I placed my hand on the phone, before taking it off… again. Sighing, I started chewing my lip, trying to think it through.
Being here was hard; every room brought back a painful memory that made me want to break down. I remembered clearly the feeling of safety Paul had provided for me, but I was hesitant to call him. I didn't want him to think I was desperate, that I was knitted to his side forever, because I wasn't.
I could leave here if I wanted, when I wanted. The only thing that was keeping me here was Paul, and that was because… well, it's because the very idea of him being in pain set me off. I cared about Paul, a lot. To know that he would die if I wasn't with him, if he didn't know I was safe… it was chilling.
I've never been the kind of girl to be tied down to one guy; in fact, I detested the idea. I had always been the practical one, the one who knew what she wanted and when she wanted it. I had goals and everyone knew I was going to achieve them. A husband or boyfriend wasn't something I wanted to stand in the way of those goals, of the success that I hoped to achieve.
I was scared for him. I didn't know if I was capable of staying with him for the rest of my life, throwing everything I wished for aside.
If I left, it would kill me too, to know I hurt him.
I knew exactly why I cared for him so much, but the word seemed forbidden to me, taboo. If I said it, I would be giving up once and for all, and I wasn't one to give up, ever.
My hand balled into a fist as I glared at the phone, as though all this confusion was its fault. Finally, sighing, I grabbed it, reluctantly dialing Paul's number.
"Hello?" his husky voice answered the phone, sexy as ever.
"Paul?" I asked, my voice coming out smooth and confident. If I was going to do this, I couldn't show weakness. There was an intake of breath on the other line.
"Rach? Is that you?" he asked, his voice buzzing excitedly. I had to smile at his joy.
"Yep, yeah it's me. I was wondering if you could stop by later today?" I asked, hoping it would be sooner rather than later… God, I sounded like I was a meth addict.
"Yeah, I'll be over soon as possible!" came his even more excited reply.
"Wonderful," I murmured into the phone before hanging up, groaning.
"I can't believe I'm caving in…" I said to myself miserably.
Hello my pretties!! 3 Okay, i wanna thank my more-than-amazing beta Lorelei Eve! She got this chapter back in like a day!!! So give her a HUGE hand, and also go check out her fantactic story, becuse she is an amazing writer!!!
So I hoped you liked it!!! Please review, it'd be awesome to know what everyone thinks!! Also, next chapter will be a bit more brighter because it'll be in Paul's POV, and it will also involve the pack! So be happy for that!!!
Again, it would be awesome if ya'll could review!!
As always, TwilightHeart21