Deadpool: Just a few measly lines and fondling my gun? You've been slacking that long and that is all I got?

Scott: (Shrugging) Sorry Wade, but I finally found you a girlfriend. She's crazier than you are.

Deadpool: But isn't Death in love with me?

Scott: Yes and no. She's infatuated with you, but really she's in love with someone else entirely. Sorry Wade.

Deadpool: (slumping down defeated) What do they have that I don't?

Scott: Breasts

Deadpool: (suddenly a lot more alert and quite giddy) Well, that makes sense. So, who's my girl?

Scott: (Hands Deadpool a folder) I swear if you tell everyone before I write it, I will make it so Wanda never mentions how she cured her cancer to you.

Deadpool: (reads the file, obviously pleased) Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I am not worthy!

Scott: Just give the disclaimer.

Deadpool: The author does not own Spiderman, Marvel Comics or any associated characters. His only profit from this is the joy he gets from reviews.

Peter knew he was in for some moderate levels of pain the moment the words left his mouth. He didn't need spider-sense screaming at him to let him know that. Still it blared just before he felt the two not so gentle punches to his shoulders. These were followed by a telekinetic slap to the back of his head and then a second. This was followed up by the improbability of the coffee table slamming into his shins and then a force bubble hitting him in the same spot. All in all he was grateful that it was only bruises he received. That was until he saw Amora's glare.

"Husband, you will not denigrate your worthiness in our eyes again." Amora stated with the same coldness that made Jutonheim such a terrible place to visit, let alone live. "Each of us loves you in our own way. It may not be fully romantic love for a few of us, but for the rest of us we see no future with any man, save you."

"But…"

"Shut it, Webhead." Carol hissed. "It's hard enough thinking I have to share you. At least do me the favor of not trying to convince me to leave." Pausing for a moment she leaned in and kissed his cheek. "Not that you could."

"But…"

"Peter, we're not going to budge." Jessica added in. "You can doubt yourself all you want, but don't you dare doubt what we feel for you."

"But…"

"You're the same no matter what world you're from." Elizabeth shook her head and smiled. "Always self-sacrificing. That's fine. It's one of many things that is so lovable about you. Just don't force us to sacrifice what we want just because you don't think you're worth it."

"But…"

"No buts, Peter. You have always put others ahead of yourself, and we know that will never stop." Jean cut Peter off using a bit of telekinesis to simulate a finger shushing him. "Well, we're those others now."

"But…"

"Don't make me bend reality to chain you to a bed so we can have our way with you." Wanda smirked as she saw Peter go completely wide-eyed with that comment. "This was not a lightly made decision. We could have just all backed off and been miserable…well everyone but me and Amora…but we decided we're all going to be a bit greedy and grab happiness by the reins and hold on tight."

"But…"

"Peter, it's obvious they are all crazy about you. Trying to convince any of them that they 'could do better' is not much different than rejecting them." Susan added in before Peter could get even another word out. "Now, it's unconventional, but if they're happy and they make you happy, then nothing is wrong. And don't worry, Laura and I will be around so you can talk to a few girls not trying to get in your pants."

~Who are you trying to convince that you don't want in his pants?~ Jean sent to the Invisible Woman.

~I'm not trying to convince anyone, Jean. I have a marriage to mourn. I need some time.~ Susan shot back. ~Besides, Do or Do not, there is no try.~

"But…"

"Your arguments have already been negated Peter. Resisting the advances of the others will solve nothing and only hurt them." Laura's matter of fact tone almost made Peter flinch. "I do not wish to hurt you, but the familial bond would require me to if my sister were heartbroken by you."

Peter stopped trying to speak. He was a bit unnerved that they countered every argument he had. He hadn't seen anything like that since before the divorce. ~They obviously know me very well. Almost too well.~ He had to take a moment and think through what they all said. ~If I was any other man, I would have jumped at this. Why am I so hesitant?...Oh yeah, the suddenness.~

"Okay, I won't push any of you away." Peter finally said. "But, I think we might need to go slowly. Even as I say that I can hear my man card being shredded. Still, I think we should start slowly, try dating for a while. See if we can make it work."

"It is a little past the courting stage for us, Husband, but I would not mind being wooed." Amora chuckled. "Not to mention do wooing of my own."

Reed Richards gave a short celebratory 'Aha' when he finally finished his last set of equations. In searching for limitless free energy he had finally come across the perfect compromise of performance and safety. ~Who would have thought that a supposedly fictional material would be the answer?~ He certainly hadn't at first. Once he began production it would not be long before the next step in his plans would be complete.

"HERBIE open channel 23 Alpha." Reed smirked as he thought of just what he would be doing. "Hello Victor, I completed Phase 14, it is time to start Phase 15."

"Richards, how dare you…" Victor Von Doom was beyond annoyed. He'd just begun a very delicate negotiation with Queen Sablinova when his armor had been suborned by Dr. Richards.

"Shut it, Victor." Reed sneered as he hit a button on the panel, instantly silencing the tyrant of Latvera. "I realize you are in the midst of negotiation, just give her what she wants and begin Phase 15. Or should I replace you?"

Nobody could ever claim Doom was stupid. He recognized the threat when he heard one. Years ago he would have scoffed, but after Reed's sojourn into Hell, the man was a menace. Victor had long thought that he was the more intelligent and ruthless person. He discovered that Reed was infinitely more so. Doom would never send his family into Hell, let alone do so to remove his love for them. He shuddered every time he thought of what Reed did.

"Yes, my Lord, it will be done." Doom responded with a nod. "Do you wish me to maintain the façade of being your nemesis?"

"It is necessary for the moment, Victor." Reed replied after a moment. "Your sacrifices will be rewarded."

"I humbly serve, my Lord."

"Can't we just skip the meeting?" Spider-man knew it was futile question when he pulled his mask on. Still he was praying he would get just one yes. From the looks he received he knew he wouldn't get it, but it was worth a try. "We can text them the pertinent info."

"No!" Almost as if they had rehearsed it everyone shot him down at once.

"They'll just reschedule, especially when they find out about Jean and Betsy." Carol explains. "So it's better to get it over with now."

"And this has nothing to do with the fact that it's Tony's night to supply snacks, so in all likelihood we are looking at having catered by Gordon Ramsey again?" Jessica beamed as she revealed the real reason Carol never missed a meeting Tony Stark called.

"I have no idea what you are implying." Carol sniffed but then gave a grin as she always did. "Last time we had the absolute best risotto I ever tasted. Can you blame me for not wanting to miss some five star food?"

Wanda smiled nervously as she adjusted the belt on her costume subconsciously. She was beginning to hate keeping the secret of what happened from the others. Even if she did know it was for the best, she felt like she was betraying them a little. The way they were all so accepting of her answers was not sitting right with her. The easy banter they all shared was like a sliver in her mind, irritating her inner peace. Shaking off the feeling, she concentrated back on the conversation as it had moved without her.

"Well, I doubt we can just take off from the windows. Wanda and I might have slipped out unnoticed last night for patrol, but all of us leaving…kiss my secret identity goodbye." Spider-man half chuckled. "I mean most of you are well known and if people connect you to Spider-man and Peter Parker, well I have friends and family that will suffer. Not to make light of your enemies but unlike a lot of you, almost all my enemies are true psychopaths."

"The man has a point." Jessica replied as she pulled her mask into position. Shuddering dramatically she continues. "I think the various Goblins pretty much trump most of my enemies for sheer crazy."

"Agreed." Amora shuddered as she remembered the few times she had met those individuals. She knew truly evil beings, and the Green Goblin had made most of them seem mild mannered. "I do believe that with the help of Jean, Betsy and Wanda I can fashion a field that will obscure our comings and goings."

"Until we set that up, I can cloud the minds of anyone watching." Jean supplied. "I just want to avoid…"

There was no warning of the wall exploding. One moment it was there the next it was raining debris over the assembled hero and heroines. Sheer instinct on the part of Susan protected most of the group, whereas Amora and Ms Marvel were outside of the field, but suffered little harm. The answer to why Spider-sense had not been at all useful stood just beyond the wall grinning with mouths too large to be human.

The all too familiar scarlet and crimson visage of the Carnage symbiote was covering a much larger and bulkier body. Behind the psychotic symbiote were three others. The first was obviously female in shape, though details of were hard to pick out as she was pure white in appearance. The second was a blue-black male with a single glowing eye. The last was a huge hulking mass of orange muscle-man.

Thirty Minutes earlier…

"So it has come to this." Bishop sighed heavily as he looked down to the four pods he had kept hidden from everyone. Unlike most people thought he remembered every alternate future that resulted in his travel back in time. It was a side effect of the machine he had used. The only thing that kept him even remotely sane was the fact that each future could only be remembered when the significant events that could lead to it occurred. He began to open the first pod, offering a small prayer as he did so. "May God have mercy upon me for what I am about to do."

The future tied to the four pods was one of the darker futures. Jean Grey had come back from the dead in some manner, yet again. In so doing she brought a sundered Phoenix Force to the world. Her choices in bearers of the Five Aspects of the Phoenix had repercussions that nearly destroyed the world. Split as it was, the Phoenix Force warred with itself. The Guardian Spirit and the Light of Truth battled the Flames of Destruction, the Fires of Vengeance, and the Cosmic Power. The devastation had been horrific, but it was what followed that was the undoing of mankind. Nimrod rose from the Ashes of civilization and hunted Mutant and Human alike to eliminate the threat of Mutantkind.

The pods were xenophage symbiotes, the only weapons that Bishop was certain that could be harnessed against the rise of the Phoenix Five before they gained their powers. Of course that decision had been made because aside from Jean, Bishop only knew one other of the hosts. The Guardian Spirit had resided in Spider-Man.

Letting the Carnage symbiote cover him, Bishop's last sane thought was a small prayer that Emma, Scott and Ben Grimm could forgive him for what he was going to do.

Ms Marvel did not hesitate for even a moment when she unleashed a powerful blast of energy. She had read about the Maximum Carnage incident and wanted no repeat of that chaos. Unfortunately a moment later her choice of target simply absorbed the blast as if it had been nothing. She'd battled a few enemies who could do that, but it did complicate matters. Especially when Carnage/Bishop released the energy back at her, making her absorb it back into her system for fear a stray blast could collapse the house.

"Such tricks will not work on us, Ms. Marvel." Carnage/Bishop admonished as he formed a trio of spikes and flung them at her. He wasn't surprised to find them easily dodged, but it had been worth the effort. "We see the Spider-man has gathered his sluts. We should kill you in front of him before we end him."

"Hmmm, the Spider has excellent taste. Perhaps we should enjoy them first." The White Queen purred as she dodged a eldritch blast from the Enchantress. With a feral smile of her fanged maw she prepared a mental barrage to stimulate the pain centers of enemies. It was far crueler than just attempting to put the enemy to sleep, but that fit the symbiote influenced personality just fine.

"Oh, no you don't." Psylocke recognized the type of attack coming. The Emma Frost of her world sometimes used the attack to break up riots or brawls. It was painful, but better than using the truncheon. While she could not shield the others from such an assault, she was quite adept at striking her fellow telepaths just as they opened their defenses to attack.

The White Queen shrieked in pain as the mental dagger tore at her mind. She should have remembered Psylocke was capable of causing her such pain. Normally she would enter a cold fury, but the symbiote would not allow that. Abandoning her normal attack she rushed to the offense forming two barbed whips to inflict as much pain as possible.

Spider-man was just as quick out the gate as Ms. Marvel had been. Launching a pair of impact webbing pellets at what he guessed was Cyclops, he just barely avoided the crimson blast of energy the symbiote possessed mutant had fired his way. As he feared the symbiote just extended blades and shredded the webbing fibers. "I knew I was having too much good luck lately. Let me guess, you are all jealous. I'm sorry, Scooter, but I don't quite swing your way."

"I'm going to enjoy breaking you, Arachnid. Just like my mate and I will enjoy taking your women atop your broken body." Cyclops howled as he fired another optic blast, barely missing his target.

"That would require you being able to move…Scott." Jean Grey was furious and punctuated her statement by telekinetically slamming a Volkswagon Beetle into the man. She had attempted to shutdown the minds of the four symbiotes only to discover they were practically immune to telepathic influence. She could read their thoughts and inflict pain, but not touch their minds otherwise. Currently the Symbiotes were fully in control and amplifying the worst part of their Hosts Id.

"RAAARGH!" While not known for his intelligence, the Thing was normally much more verbal as he fought. The Symbiote controlling him however was purely interested in causing damage. Huge spiked fists began smashing into walls and floors as he attempted to crush Spider-Woman, X-23, and Susan Storm. The trio of heroines were barely capable of avoiding the blows, or in Sues case absorbing them.

"Ben, listen to me." Sue shouted as she saw Laura's foot spike drive into the symbiote's shoulder. She knew it would only be painful for Ben, and not truly a danger to life or limb. "This is not you."

"Listen to her Ben, you don't want to let that thing take control." Spider-woman said just avoiding a back hand. Instinctively she delivered an uppercut to Ben's jaw only to cry out in pain as her fist did very little to the Thing. "Aaagh...He's even tougher than before."

"Marvel, you take on Thing, I'll handle the Carnage substitute." Spider-Man was quite aware of how the fight was going. Back flipping over a wicked blade that Carnage was attempting to dismember him with, Peter fired a pair of stingers into the symbiote's chest. "Scarlet, help Jean take out Cyclops." Smiling as he saw Carnage stagger a little, Spider-man pressed an attack kicking the symbiote in the ribs. Even Xenophage hosts were slowed by broken ribs. "Well, Carnage, your not with Kassady anymore. What you needed an X-man under your control to take me on."

"I could possess a small child and still rend you limb from limb, Spider." Carnage taunted as he threw a pair of wicked blades, just missing the wallcrawler. "My Host needed me to end your miserable existence, and I am too happy to help."

"Of course you are." Spider-Man sighed as he flipped over another blade. While Spider-Sense was on no real use against Symbiotes, he still had superior agility and reflexes to work with. Coming down to a low crouch, he delivered a devastating uppercut to Carnage's jaw. Smiling under his ask as he felt the jaw dislocate from the force of the blow.

"Hold still, little Ninja. If you behave you might even survive the taking." The White Queen snarled as she began lashing at her opponent. Despite the fighting skills of the symbiote, not a single lash connected with anything other than a psychic blade.

"I'm going to pass on that, thank you very much." Psylocke ducked under one of the latest assaults. The barbed lash had wedged itself into the television. With a smirk she pressed the power button which she knew from Amora's memories.

Cyclop blasted the car off his body, sending it sailing towards Jean. "Well, if it isn't the Ex-wife. What's a matter, Red? Didn't think you could compete with Emma, so you went and got a boytoy?"

"Oh, that is enough out of you, Scott." Jean manifested the Phoenix flames around herself as she growled. "I think you need a permanent time out." Using every bit of telekinetic power she had, Jean grabbed the Symbiote and tore it forcefully off the man she called friend in another universe. The creature screeched and cried clinging to mutant tearing at his clothes and visor.

Wanda seeing an opportunity hexed Scott's visor so that it came loose just as the symbiote was directly in front of Scott's eyes. Crimson blasts of pure concussive force struck the symbiote point blank. The resulting collision created an enormous amount of work heat incinerating the foul alien before Scott's eyes closed.

"YEAAARRRGGGHHHHH!" The White Queen screamed in agony as the StarkTech capacitor in the television pumped enough volts into her to duplicate a high capacity taser. Emma's immediate reaction to transform into Diamond only made things worse for the Symbiote as it suddenly was completely destroyed. With the symbiote no longer in control of her body and mind, Emma slumped to the ground unconscious.

"RAAARGH!" Thing roared as he attempted to punch Ms. Marvel. The Symbiote while not that intelligent did recogice the Kree enhanced woman as the larger threat.

"Okay, Benji, you wanna play rough, I'll play rough." Ms Marvel responded by summoning a great deal of energy. With a grunt of effort she met Things punch with one of her own and at the same time released enough energy to level a city block. The result was instantaneous. With a deafening thunderclap the orange symbiote was peeled off of thing and flung into kitchen slamming into the stove so hard it actually caused a leak and spark setting fire to the poor creature.

Carnage dropped to it's knees from the pain of the sonic boom, just in time to see Spider-man launch a pair of needles at him. The Symbiote had no clue why such a useless attack would be made while it was helpless. That is until a moment later. The toxins coating the needle had completely paralyzed the Host, rendering them unconscious. Since it was not truly bonded this meant Carnage was gain vulnerable to energy. Knowing when it had lost a battle, the Symbiote did what came naturally after being beaten so often…it fled.

"Uggh, this is going to cost you a box of cubans, Ben." Logan rubbed the back of his head where the symbiote enhanced Thing had literally tried to knock his head off.

"About time you woke up." Jubilee's tone belied the worry she actually had when it had taken Logan so long to stir. "They were quick and efficient. Thing knocked you, Jennifer, Caine and Piotr out cold. They've already recovered…mostly. Bishop took out Cable and Deadpool. Emma took out the rest of us, while Scott locked down the mansion. Your override codes are the only way we can possibly get out."

"Any deaths?" Logan sat up carefully, his head was still ringing. He had the distinct impression that if his skull had not been adamantium he would be dead now.

"Just Deadpool, Bishop shredded him but he's recovering." Jubilee responded after a moment. Biting her lower lip for a moment she continued. "We thought you might end up brain dead. We couldn't find anything on the EEG for a few minutes. Completely flatlined."

"Oh, Darlin' I ain't gonna be checking out that easily." Logan could smell the fear and worry on the young woman. "You're stuck with me for a long time."

"Good." The normal happy smile returned to her face. "And you better mean that literally, because you agreed to start dating."

"I agreed to what?"

"Well, you were half conscious, but it counts. Next Friday I expect a real date. And don't try that fancy dinner and play shit either. I know those are your blow off dates. I am expecting a real date, including making out." Jubilee smirked as she poked him in the chest emphasizing her point. "And none of this you're too old for me shit, I won't put up with that. Try that line and I will see just how long it takes to make roast Wolverine with plasmoids."

Logan looked into the young woman's eyes and for the first time was actually afraid of turning a woman down. It wasn't the threat she had made, but the raw emotion he saw in her eyes. She was putting it all out there and she was willing to fight him to make it work.

"Fine, we go to the diner I like. Then the bar scene." Logan finally grumbled. "But you try paying like you did on my birthday and I will tan yer hide."

"Deal. Now let's get you to command and get lockdown cancelled, otherwise the date will be MRE's and the Dangerroom."

It wasn't even thirty seconds after Carnage had fled for his symbiote life than one of the Quinjets was hovering street disgorging a few Avengers. Iron Man, Captain America, Hercules, Hawkeye, Mocking Bird, Wasp, Black Widow, and Photon had headed out as soon as the calls from neighbors had come in. Given the frantic descriptions from panicking citizens they had been prepared for anything from the Wrecking Crew to an Alien Invasion.

"Wow, second time in two days the Calvary shows up and I am not bleeding profusely." Spidey chuckled as he took in the scene. "Hey guys, guess you heard about the brouhaha. We have it handled. We could use a lift to mansion, though."

The eight Avengers stood shock still for a moment. The scene was utterly surreal. Spider-Man was carrying Scott Summers over his shoulder, while Spider-Woman had Emma Frost and Ms Marvel was lugging Benjamin Grimm along. The house they had been standing in the middle of was in ruins. Not to mention some of the people still standing had been declared dead. Since it's formation the Avengers had see a lot of strange things, but this was definitely in the top twenty for strangest.

"Sure thing, son." Cap had recovered first. "We'll definitely have to debrief you there. I imagine it's going to be a long night."

"Hello, Carnage." The smooth voice of the Prince of Lies greeted the symbiote as it hid in an alley way. Ducking under a scything blade, Mephisto just grinned. "Impressive, you almost hit me."

"What do you want?" Carnage growled as he revised his tactics. Even he knew when an entity was better not angered.

"Why to offer you and your host a small deal. That is all." Mephisto grinned. "Even together you cannot hope to take on the Spider-man and win. I offer you a bit of power, my alien friend. Immunity to the flames and sounds that weaken you. In exchange, you will kill Mary Jane Watson in the most brutal manner possible."

"The redheaded slut the Spider married?" Carnage grinned wide. "We could do that. First we need to kill the Spider."

"The surest way to lure her out is to kill the Spider-man, so I sense no conflict of interests." Mephisto grinned as he pulled out a contract. "Just a little bit of blood and our deal is done."