FREAKIN GENSOKYO

by SKOOLATOON

A blatant self-insert wound up in Gensokyo because reasons. Now, armed with only mediocre wit, and mundane tools, he must find the means to not get completely destroyed by the friendly locals! In doing so, he winds up involved in strangely unfitting incidents because I'm bad at writing fanfiction! If you're here you're probably bored anyway, so why not stop by for the fluffmania?

10. Build a Combat Ship and Sail It

(in which fluffles)

We sat in what was left of the dining room, Sakuya trying to get the kitchen back in order.

"W-what happened…?" Meiling awkwardly asked, looking around the smashed mansion.

"Pain." I supplied, scowling at nothing in particular.

Meling looked mildly distressed by my explanation, but chose to say no more. No one else bothered to elaborate on my explanation, and I suppose Meiling got the memo.

Fluffles crawled around the ruined sections, emitting snuggly coos and sometimes colliding with each other and tussling. Friendly!

Remilia looked around, annoyed. "Not those bloody twats again…"

Flandre eyed the fluffles. "Those things tried to steal my hanger earlier! They're kinda soft, though… and they don't seem like they can be kyuu'd."

Flandre demonstrated by aiming at one, and clenching her fist.

BOOM

...The wall was taken out, many fluffles squirming from the woodworks, but the one at the epicenter of the blast was a-okay. As they crawled around, fluffy coos resounded through the dining room.

...I really wish I had instant death resistance. I'm weak, too! It woulda helped alot in many of my endeavors!

Sakuya walked out tiredly, and placed some pancakes in front of Remilia…

...only for a fluffle to fall from the ceiling and squirm in place all over Remilia's pancakes.

Remilia's expression subtly grew grimmer, as she calmly lifted the fluffle. "...You're gonna die for that."

A fluffle fell from the ceiling and into my lap. "Waaal!"

I hug it. "Waaal to you too, friend…"

It squirmed a bit before giving up and accepting the affection, as I took it in a cradle grasp, moving to the window.

"I shall show you the world!" I yell, and then after a few swings of my cradling arms, I let go of it and let it fly out the window. "Shining shimmering world! Go, meet the world!"

Thud.

The fluffle landed on the floor. "Waaalll…"

Freakin' cuddly.

I turned around to find my chair was being taken away by fluffles.

Flandre swung Laevateinn around, as fluffles began approaching her from all sides.

Bam! Kaboom! Bla-bam!

The nearby fluffles were no more, and so was the dining room table.

"Where the hell are all these fluffles coming from!?" Remilia shouted, swatting fluffles off her plate of pancakes, which now had a pile of dust on them.

"W-well…" Meiling sheepishly grinned, multiple fluffles slowly climbing her outfit.

====FREAKIN GENSOKYO====

We stood at the front gate, where multiple wood forts on wheels clogged the way through. Thus, fluffles just crawled in by traversing over the forts themselves rather than try to drive them in anymore.

"I-I took one out and went to sleep… and when I woke up I was in a sea of dust!" Meiling exclaimed, nervous. "I tried smashing the ones that were there, but uh… it's like I destroy one and ten take its place! It's unfair!"

Remilia laughed. "Well, I think it's time to put last night's sparring to the test…"

Flandre looked at the forts all congested in the gate. She turns to Remilia, grinning. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Remi~?"

The two ready themselves, and then speed off towards the sea of wheel-forts.

Fluuuu-Whaaam!

Flandre brings down Laevateinn vertically, sending a huge line of flames erupting from the floor, sending multiple forts flying and causing many to spontaniously combust.

"Red the Nightless Castle!"

Fwahahaaaash!

Remilia flew forth, huge waves of scarlet energy emanating forth from her, vaporizing many forts and crippling most others.

Within a few attacks and a couple minutes, the fluffle invasion was brought to a screeching halt. The remaining forts maintained a cautious distance from the manor's walls, respecting the power displayed by the vampires.

A single fluffle with a poofy top hat comes forth through the gate, just behind Remilia and Flandre after they had finished up and returned to the gate.

"friends! i ask you to desist!" the fluffle shouted, raising its fins.

The two vampires turned, giving menacing smiles to the fluffle.

"if you dont comply with the new age… uh…" The fluffle took out a piece of paper from somewhere, and squinted at it. "...the new fluff order, we must reclaim this property!"

"You mean if you don't leave, we'll destroy you, yes?" Remilia revises the terms of the agreement.

The fluffle raises its fins again, alarmed. "friend, no! we seek new lands and new homes and we want your lands so theyre ours now" it finished, expression turning neutral.

"And how might you go about that, hmm?" Remilia smirked, bringing some of her hair back with one hand.

"well" It looked around. "i brought friends"

The earth shook, a mighty lumbering wooden construct fell from the sky and embedded itself partially in the ground outside the gates.

"help! help!" It waved its fins, as the lumbering wooden mech stood from the crater, stomping slowly towards the mansion.

Two weathered eyes were carved onto the wooden creation, with a jaw of metal accenting it. Large, chunky iron spikes made for the two arms, attached to iron sockets.

"stand tall and strong, mighty oak! show them the forest is still a place to be afraid of!" wailed the fluffle, waving its fins and smiling widely.

With that, the fluffle started to flee…

"You're not getting away from me!" Remilia soared after the fluffle, and Flandre followed her.

"Hey, uh friends!... Friends?" I shouted out, as the two mistresses of the manor took off after the official-ish fluffle… leaving us to this giant wooden guardian.

The mech scratched its two spikes against each other, sparks flying off and a rather horrible grating noise being produced.

"Woohoohaah…" I instinctively reached for my ears, but the sound had already passed and I gave up on covering them.

"Take this!" Meiling flew towards the mech and gave a flying kick to its face, flipping backward as she rebounded off it.

"It's made from some pretty strong oak, to be certain!" Meiling ascertained, surveying the opponent.

"Today's not a good day for wood, I'd hazard…" Sakuya flew towards the mech, sending a spiraling array of jagged red knives at it.

Thu-thu-thu-thunk!

I heard the knives all collide against the wood in rapid succession, a blaze quickly starting and licking across the entire mech.

It slammed its arms down into the earth, and instantly the flames went out.

Green magic circles filled the air around Meiling, and she was suddenly tossed down to the floor.

"Agh!" Meiling crashed into the floor, but got back up with haste. "T-that was a heavy… one…" Meiling suddenly grew drowsy, and fell over.

Sakuya's eyes widened. "Meiling!?" Teleporting over, she lifted the gate keeper, and teleported back to the manor's porch with them.

She sets down Meiling. "I just got out of trying to help with that other god-forsaken incident, and not only is the mansion trashed, but there's these, these… little monsters everywhere! Goddamn it!"

She vanishes, re-appearing in the air over the mech.

"Illusion sign! Killer doll!"

Knives poured out like water, berating the wooden giant, innumerable strikes echoing out through the manor's courtyard.

The mech marched forward through the knives and flames, and through the front gate. Suddenly, it leaped into the air, Sakuya twirling out of the way as she barely grazed it having been hovering nearly directly over it. The mech landed with another earthquake-inducing landing.

"That thing's surprisingly agile for a giant block of wood!" I yell out, brandishing Flame Dispenser as it nears me. I saw the scorch marks on its wooden exterior, but it took surprisingly little damage all things considered compared to the wide variety of knives that drilled into it.

Meiling rouses from the floor, stretching. "Haaahhh…"

Fwooosh…

I let loose a stream of flames into the back of the Mighty Oak, the flames seemingly doing buggerall. I hoped this was doing something!

Knives flew in from different angles towards the hunk of wood, achieving similar results.

Meiling snapped into alertness, noticing the big slow wooden golem making its way towards the manor's doorway.

She ran forward, and the metal spike was shot from the Mighty Oak. Meiling leaped onto the side of it and used it as a platform from which to jump from. Like that, she sent a flying kick into the face of the golem, forcing it to stagger.

"Hyeaah!" Meiling roared, soaring away from it.

The mighty block of wood stumbled backwards, and I took this opportunity to activate Flame Dispenser again.

Fwooosh…

...not like it was doing much!

The Mighty Oak stomped on the floor, and Meiling reacted instantly, jumping out of the way of some pointy logs, as if they were part of a palisade wall at one point. Said pointed logs had pierced the porch of the manor, jutting into the air at jagged angles.

"It'll take more skilled moves than that to take me by surprise!" Meiling made a pose, and braced herself.

Having been sufficiently convinced that Meiling'd have to be fought later, it whirled around to face me.

"Ahah… hello friend!" I waved my hand, backing away as fast as possible.

The great mighty lump stomped again, and more green magical circles surrounded me, filling the air with an… almost comforting feeling…

...before slamming me to the floor. Ouuuch!

"Gufah!" I felt my saliva fly from my mouth as I was forcefully brought to the floor. Suddenly, calm washed over my body, like as if I was listening to a really good ASMR video…

"Ah-aah…" Drowsiness got the better of me as I drifted to sleep on the battlefield, Sakuya's face being the last thing I see before I'm out like a light.

====FREAKIN GENSOKYO====

I was in a dark room, surrounded by the large mean fluffles and we all sat around a cheap plastic table, staring at a board game. The board game depicted a fluffle opening said board game, and a pillar of fire washing over its face. The fluffle looked alarmed, an exclamation mark drawn next to it to signify that.

The game was called "Oh Shit: A Game of Regret."

The fluffle across from me went to open it, and all of its friends started wailing at it, chiding it not to open it.

"Hold on, hold on!" I yelled reaching for the box…

FWOOM

====FREAKIN GENSOKYO====

I shot awake. Hooohh, shit! "Faaack!"

I was greeted to Meiling's briefly surprised glance at me as I was being held in her arms, and I heard the thrusting of wood from somewhere. I felt wind roar against me as Meiling leapt around with me in her arms, evading the wooden pillars.

Landing, Meiling set me down and started to dash off again. I jumped back from a wooden log, but the rest kept following Meiling as they shot up.

I reached for my sack, and pulled out Sharper Than Darkness, feeling the dark power flow into me and my blood begin to rush.

"Let us split the wood!" I exclaimed, dashing towards the lumbering lumber of lumb...ness?

At any rate, it wasn't paying attention to me, now focused on Meiling again as I rushed up to it and jammed Sharper Than Darkness into its back… and got it stuck.

I start tugging at it, "Oh, crap…" before I put my legs into it and start trying really freakin' hard to pull it out. I succeed, and Sharper Than Darkness flies away and into one of the logs behind me, and I fly off into the floor. Alotta good that did!

The bark of the mech was littered with red knives, but only faint scorching persisted across the outer bark. A few of the places I torched had faint scorching.

It moved towards some of the logs it created, and tore them from the earth. From there, it forcefully rolled one against the ground to peel off the bark, the bark instantly being carved and bent into a platform of sorts. It then pounded the logs into the edges and corners of the bark. Lifting it, most of the bark fell away, but fluffles rushed up from outside the gate and away from the direction Remilia and Flandre had gone in.

The fluffles were making alarmed wails and coos as they fled past the gate, but some entered and filed towards the fort as the Mighty Oak held it, before filing into it. Like that, an entirely new fluffle fort was constructed.

"...So that's where baby forts come from…" I stare at the creation, as it starts to mobilize out the front gate, but Meiling cuts it off and punches through the palisade walling.

Bam! Bam!

"Waaal!" ...but Meiling, they were fluffy!

Bam!

The fort fell apart, the palisades all toppling down and the fluffles worriedly scurried from the fort and off to parts unknown.

"Is that all you've got!? Only one of them!?" Meiling roared out, getting pumped up.

Fed up with doing fancy special moves, the Mighty Oak charged Meiling, whose aura seems to have been gaining more and more momentum the more stuff she got to smash.

It swung its arm to the right, and Meiling leaped up and punched it in the face. Reeling back, Meiling kicked it again, forcing it to slide towards the door of the manor. After it recovered, Meiling was already on it again with a series of punches slamming into it and forcing it against the wall of the manor, which creaked and cracked under the weight of the wooden machine.

"You're up against the wall, and I am the fucking wall!" Meiling readied herself.

"Three Blasts! Colorful Ultimate Mountain Breaker!"

Three technicolor orbs, one of them being Meiling's fist itself, made for the Mighty Oak, and upon their simultanious contact, the machine tipped over and fell into the wall of the manor, taking some of it down with it, but rendering the Might Oak upon its back.

It flailed its limbs, and wiggled its legs, but ultimately it was unable to move anymore, not connecting with anything solid enough for it to help reposition itself.

Meiling took a deep breath, and calmed herself down.

I did a little jump. "Woohoo! We tipped it over! Fuck that one mech in particular!"

Sakuya floated down. "It was ironically resistant to fire, all things considered."

I shrugged. "That, or we just didn't have any truly powerful fire attacks and instead were all doing vaguely fire accented attacks. Minus my flamethrowing, but I'm not a particularly powerful anything, so yaknow…"

From behind us, a huge vibration shook the manor. We whirled around to see a huge mushroom cloud extending out of the nearby forest somewhere, flaming palisade bits raining from up above into the forest below.

"...I think they found their little hidey hole." I stared up at the explosion in awe.

"...At least that's over and done with." Sakuya sighed, turning back to the manor. "Ahhh… this is gonna be a bitch to repair…"

I look at it, and start to raise a hand to Sakuya's shoulder. "...Well, at least-"

A section of wall toppled inward, wood particles flying out of the wreckage.

"...nevermind." I lower my hand, rethinking my previous statement.

Meiling chuckles nervously. "U-uh… what happened last night, anyway?"

I look to her. "P-"

"I'll rip out your tongue if you say 'pain' one more time." Sakuya glared at me.

"-aa~nworks!" I finished.

"Panworks." Meiling confirmed, staring blankly at me.

"Panworks! You see, the mistresses are really enthusiastic about their pots and pans." I assure, sticking a thumb up.

"...Sure they are." Meiling walks towards the manor. "I'll get everyone ready for construction…"

Sakuya walks in after her. "Make sure we have enough hard-hats this time, and make sure they're not scarlet like the walls. Last time we used the scarlet ones, everyone somehow got lost in the hallways they didn't even build yet."

I watched them walk inside and close the door behind them.

Remilia and her sister came back to the gate, and Remilia was holding a fluffle by the legs.

"We're ho~me!" Remilia rang out, a satisfied smirk on her face. Flandre reached for the fluffle, and Remilia gave it to her. Flandre squeezed the fluffle.

"Fluffy…" Flandre nuzzled it.

"i lived a good life" The fluffle seems to have accepted its fate.

Reimu, Marisa, and Youmu suddenly flew up towards the gate aswell.

Marisa whistled. "What the hell happened here, ze?"

I smiled. "The magenta apocalypse. I stopped it though, and all it took was a little plant hanger grease."

Reimu rolled her eyes. "Anyone who can actually tell us what happened, or am I going to have to start beating people up?"

Remilia walked up to Reimu. "If you see a certain succubus running around outside, beat her up and bring her back to me. That is all."

Reimu scowled. "I'm not the maid, you know. I actually work for a living."

I turned to her, surprised. "I thought your donation box was empty…"

Marisa answered my question. "It is empty, ze. I dunno what Reimu's gettin' at…"

Reimu bonks Marisa over the head with her gohei. "They didn't need to know that!"

Folding her arms, Youmu sighed. "I'm pretty sure everyone already knows that…"

Reimu turned to her. "Quiet, you. You only make half a living."

Youmu smiled, as if pleasantly surprised. "Oh, you mean I actually make anything?"

Groaning, Reimu gave up her attempts to convince everyone that she did infact make money. She didn't.

I spoke up, actually pushing the conversation along. "If you guys really wanna know what happened…"

====INCIDENT COMP-

Both Remilia and Reimu ripped the incident summary slip out of my hands, each receiving half of it.

"They don't need to know about that!" Remilia shouts at me, ripping her half into little pieces.

Reimu looked surprised for a moment, then got angry. "Hey, I needed that half of a sheet! Yukari only gives me like ten of these at a time! I still need those other two back from Brad that he took!"

Hearing the mention of Yukari, I instinctively reached for my 3DS and flipped it open.

"Did somebody-"

Beep! Recording…

"-mention little 'ol me?" Yukari opened a gap, and lowered out of it upside down.

"No. Go away. We're closed, for good." Reimu replied, hunching a bit in frustration.

"Oh, I didn't know Reimu had such command over this manor's gates! How foolish of me…" Yukari rotated her gap, bringing her upright as she pulled out a fan and brought it over her face.

Remilia was about to irately comment on Yukari's teasing, but before she could...

I took out Swift Brand and held it out over the camera, then turned it to me and pointed it at my face. "Hey, Leego! How's that for a video!?"

Yukari's head poked out around my shoulder, somewhat obscured by my hair, before whispering in my ear. "What's that you got there~?"

Woah!

I whirled around, pointing my camera to her as she retreated back into her gap and closed it. I felt arms come up from under me and grab my 3DS out of my hands, from within my grasp aswell!

"Oooh, making a video to show your friend, I see?" Yukari tries to angle the 3DS so she can see it past my hair, but fails.

"No, you don't see. I'm pretty sure, too." I try to struggle for my 3DS, and in doing so pull Yukari out of her gap and we both fall to the floor.

Remilia looked down vainly. "...Yakumo, I thought I told you not to molest young men on my property."

"You didn't say I couldn't take it outside~!" Yukari shouted from the tangled mess on the floor. I could feel something soft against my back… wohoohaaah no!

Precariously, we untangled ourselves from each other, and Yukari fell through a gap, and then came out in an upright position. She stopped the recording, looking satisfied. "I think I know where you were going with this… and rest assured, I share the same sentiment."

I look to her curiously. "...What does that mean, exactly?" Yukari was using the more serious words, and of anyone I knew Yukari could really fuck some shit up when she felt mischievous!

She smiled in a carefree manner. "Oh, nothing. Nothing at all. Nothing that you'd protest, at any rate."

I don't like your tone, missy…!

With a mildly conflicted expression left on my face, Yukari retreated back into her gap, taking my 3DS with her.

"...I dunno how to feel about that!" I voice, looking around awkwardly. Suddenly, Youmu is dropped into a gap.

"Waah!" The gap shut, sealing her in. Good game, Youmu.

I looked up at the sky, the sun signalling it as mid-day.

"God dammit, Yukari!" Reimu shouted to the sky, fists clenched. Taking a deep breath, she calms down.

"...Regardless, there doesn't seem to be anything here for us. Come on, Marisa." Reimu begins to fly off right away.

Marisa shoots her head to her, surprised. "A-already, ze!? Shouldn't we-"

Reimu cuts her off. "Nope. Come on." She continues flying.

Pouting, Marisa follows. I stare at them leave, heading off in the direction of the shrine again.

I stretch. "Wonder what that was all about…" I shut my eyes, taking in the atmosphere…

I open them and Sakuya is in front of me.

"Woohohaah!" I leap back, startled.

"We are in dire need of supplies. Here," she hands me a bag full of yen, and on inspection it appears to be around seventy thousand yen. "Food, building materials, and furniture would be appreciated. Whatever you can get with that."

I look at the yen; with any luck I'd find a fluffle stand soon or something!

Ha-chan floats up beside me. "Are you heading out?"

I look to her, a bit surprised she was alive and kicking. "A-ah, yeah. To the village, for much glory!" I exclaimed.

Ha-chan smiled. "I'm coming with. Besides, it's getting late, and I don't want you out too far into the night…"

I shrug. "I could probably beat the shit out of a couple youkai at this point… but I really don't wanna meet any more headless horseman-tiered assholes!"

I walk out of the weathered manor gates, and start spinning up my yin-yang flail-o-copter.

"Let's get goin'!" I call out, floating into the sky as Ha-chan starts floating off with me.

From the floor, Sakuya stares at us depart. "...He'd best come back with at least something…"

====FREAKIN GENSOKYO====

I landed just outside the Hakurei Shrine, and walked inside.

"Hello, friends!" I call out… only to find no one...

"Waauuhh…" ...except for a certain oni.

"Hello, Suika!" I called out to her.

"Waa~hoo!" Suika walked into the room from another part of the shrine, gourd raised in the air.

"Do you know where the others went?" I asked her, starting for the door already as there wasn't a whole lot for me here with no one around...

"Aahh~... They went thatta way!" Suika pointed in some strange direction that I couldn't quite make out…

"...Thanks!" I reply. I wasn't really thankful, though…

"Any time…!" Suika replies, chugging her gourd again. Yeah, she's totally hammered…

I walk outside and look around briefly. I see something a little funny, so I walk around the shrine…

...and I find a pile of technicolor armor bits and pieces from that computer tower. A rope fence is loosely placed around it, with a sign on it labeled "Compost Pile".

I chuckle, before making for the front path of the shrine again, and start spinning my yin-yang flail. Ha-chan is floating in the sky above the shrine, waiting for me.

I hover up to join her, and she turns to me. "How'd it go?"

"No one was home, and the oni was hammered!" I replied, tilting the flail in the direction of the human village.

"Ahhh…" Ha-chan hums in acknowledgement, following me.

====FREAKIN GENSOKYO====

I walk up to the gate of the human village, to meet a not-so gruff guard. Right, that captain dude died too… alot of humans here were dying, actually!

"Hey… ah, you need to get in?" he awkwardly asks as I stare at him and the gate.

I smile. "Nah, I just came here to stare at the gate all day."

He nods quickly, as if in realization. "Ah, oh, okay. Well, don't let me bother you…"

We stand there for a few ginger moments… before I decide things need to happen!

My head jerks over to him. "What do you think I came here for!?"

He jumps back. "I-I don't know, youkai are weird sometimes! Don't hurt me!"

I groan. "Mate, I'm not a youkai! How many times you blokes need to get it through your thick skulls?"

He jerks back. "I-I don't know, dude! Look, you want in or not, 'cause I don't got all day, and being a guard is hard!"

I roll my eyes. "You probably stand out here all day, don't go shitting me. Yeah, I do want in! Open the bloody gate!" I shout at him. Guards were annoying!

"Fine, maybe I will let you in! See how you like it!" He furiously begins opening the reel behind him, and it started sliding open.

"Fine! Thank you, and goodbye!" I yell at him, entering, Ha-chan following timidly behind me.

"You're welcome, you filthy animal!" the guard yells back, closing the gate again.

That was an experience!

I walk into the village, and instantly I realize… Keine Kamiwhatsherface probably wants me freakin' destroyed! I decide to take the back roads instead…

"Why are we going this way?" Ha-chan looks at me somewhat questioningly.

"Reasons." I provide.

"...You're not helping…" Ha-chan looks a little nervous, but carries on regardless.

We're on a somewhat isolated back road, even if it's still packed with shops of all sorts. I pass a quaint little furniture store, and decide to walk in…

Inside are some rather generic tables, chairs, and other things of the sort. No one's in right now, and I kinda wanted to keep the yen, so…

I open my hammerspace sack. It's payday, fellas!

====FREAKIN GENSOKYO====

Harold returned from his lunch break, opening the door to his shop. "Alright, Mary. Have a good day."

"You too, honey." a woman replied from the other side of the door, as Harold closed it.

Harold turned to the front foyer of his shop… to see all his handiwork gone. He froze up, and saw two figures outside, walking off with nothing, but…

Harold climbed onto the counter, clumsily maneuvering over it as he crashed to the floor on the other side. Feverishly he climbed to his feet and ran to the front door, kicked it open, and ran outside.

====FREAKIN GENSOKYO====

I walked out of the store, satisfied. Ha-chan glared at me. "That was wrong, you know…"

I shrug. "Well, c'mon- I doubt he's gonna miss half that haphazardly thrown together crap…"

Out from the store ran a man, who instantly locked his eyes on me and ran towards me. "You!"

Oh, shit, was I discovered already!?

"Did you see anyone suspicious go by with furniture?" he asked, distressed and sweating.

Ah… well in that case. "I dunno, this street's been empty as far as I can see… why?"

"My-my work…" he dropped to his knees, mourning the lost furniture.

...I'm not gonna lie, I felt bad now! "Well uh, see you later, then…"

...Note to self, make it up to that guy later! I take a good look at his store, and try to etch where it is in my mind… I'd have to go furniture raiding at Eientei again or something and bring him back some goodies.

"...Fucking youkai!" I heard the man yell out into the sky, some villagers stopping to glance at him, before continuing on their way. I just made human to youkai relations that much worse!

Ha-chan glares at me again. "...I can't believe you…"

I put up a hand. "Yo, yo… I'll bring him some furniture from elsewhere later, I feel kinda bad about that too, yo."

She rolls her eyes, looking away. Baahh…

We pass a group of kids being lead by a teacher, and said teacher freezes, and her head jerks to me.

Oh, boy.

"You…" Said teacher is Keine Kami-hooha!

"Me!" I exclaim, pointing a thumb to myself.

"...I won't do anything in front of the children. Leave, now. I will find you, and I will kill you. Mark my words, this village will be saved before the day is done." Keine doesn't blink during that entire sentence.

"That's nice, Kami-whatever the hell your name is. I assume you didn't find that ruler, then…" I don a shit-eating grin.

Her left eye twitches, and she sighs, before whirling around to face her students again. "Alright, come along class! We've got more of the village to inspect today!"

Ha-chan turns to me, a little disturbed. "What's uh… W-whats with her?"

I shrug. "Fuck if I know, she keeps assuming I'm conspiring against the village or something…"

Ha-chan looks at my sack… the hammerspace one, eheh… "Well, it's not like she's wrong…"

I laugh sheepishly. "Ahah… I said I'd make it up later to that guy!"

She hums, although I can't quite make out the tone. "See to it that you do."

When'd she have the pants in this relationship!?

We continue into the village, and I look around. No one was really selling basic supplies; they probably had planners for that kinda stuff… and food didn't seem to be sold in bulk; there obviously were no supermarkets in Gensokyo.

Well, I can tell Sakuya I got them some crappy furniture at least!

I leave the village from a new direction, meeting a different guard who wordlessly opens the gate for me without even being asked. Now that's the service I wanna see!

We leave in the vague direction of the forest of magic; I wonder if I can do anything about them trees… that doesn't involve torching them. I don't think I can use torched trees…

====FREAKIN GENSOKYO====

Bam!

"C'mon…"

Bam!

"Die already…!"

Bam!

"Holy shit!" I lean on Quake Maker, panting. In front of me is a lopsided magical tree, with a big dent in the middle that I had wailed on with Quake Maker.

Ha-chan stared vainly at the tree. "...Maybe you should just-"

Bam!

"... get some help, or something?" she finished.

Bam!

Kreaak...craa~ck!

"Timber!" I run from the tree and put my hand to my forehead… even if there wasn't much sun in this huge forest.

The mediocre-sized magic tree fell, mystical particles being emitted from the leaves as it fell to the floor.

Thud!...shimmer shimmer…

I could hear the shimmering of the leaves as the tree collided with the ground.

I look to my hammerspace sack. "...I don't think this entire tree's gonna fit through the hole…"

Ha-chan sighs. "Just… come back with a saw later, or something, then."

I put my hand to my chin. "Hmmm… I could get Sakuya tomorrow or something, or ask the hooligans of the lake to lend me their manual labor…"

I start spinning up my yin-yang flail. The panty rope looks a little weathered by now, the black color long having faded to a dull grey and the fabric's pretty shot by now, but it still holds!

I float up into the air, exiting the forest of magic and heading back towards the Scarlet Devil Mansion.

====FREAKIN GENSOKYO====

Closing in on the manor, I see the incident resolving team float away from the gate. Youmu seems to have rejoined them, so that's a thing...

I land outside the gate, only to see a fluffle manning a stand outside again, Meiling absent.

"hi fr-"

I run up to it, and punt it.

"Waaal!" it yells, flying over the manor's walls. Freakin' fluffy.

Ha-chan giggled. "The way those things wail is so cute!"

I didn't bother to dignify that with a response, so I proceeded into the manor's gates. Apparently the front foyer was being rebuilt, from scratch. I could see the library's double doors were perfectly intact, the scarlet walls around them still relatively untouched.

I went up to the double doors, carefully navigating the rubble and cinder, only to find they were magically sealed.

"Don't even bother." Remilia hovers up next to me. "She's got the thing sealed tight, and probably will for the next day or so, until she thinks the fire couldn't possibly be burning anymore."

I nod. "Ah. Well…"

I take out Quake Maker and suddenly bash the door.

Bam… Bam… Bam… Bam…

I stop, getting tired quickly in part from my day and in part because I'm not a physical person, despite being forced to be as physical as I am in Gensokyo. Every strike returned the same result; a strong, teal magical barrier preventing any progress.

Remilia smirks. "Her wards are pretty impressive, given the right incentive."

I'll say… a seal like that on the door and walls all the time, and nothing's goin' in or out in a million years!... I can't imagine it's easy to maintain, though. She's probably half-comatose on the inside or something…

Sakuya appears next to me. "Did you get what I asked you to?"

I nod. "Furniture, and I tipped a tree over somewhere that we could cut up if I could find a way to get it here!"

Sakuya sighed. "What we really could use is building materials, but at least you got something…"

Night was beginning to close in fast, and none of us had anywhere to sleep!

"Uuugghh…" Remilia groaned. "This is gonna take forever…"

"Look on the bright side," Flandre began. "We can go camping!"

Remilia shot her head up in excitement at the new prospect. "Yes! Camping! I haven't done that in… at least a few hundred years, give or take!"

Remilia makes for the gate, Flandre following her. She turns to me. "You! You're coming with, since Sakuya and Meiling will be busy with the manor for quite some time, and we need someone to serve us. Bring that maid you seized from me with you."

Ha-chan pouts. "Aauuu…"

We all walk out of the manor's gate, and proceed towards the forest, the stars illuminating the night sky with faint overcast settling in.

The night slowly grows darker as we make our way around the misty lake. Suddenly, an orb of darkness floats past us.

"W-waaahhh!" Rumia was crying, apparently! She promptly crashed into a tree ahead of us, and fell to the floor, the darkness dissipating.

Rumia lied on the floor, blood oozing from one of her eye sockets, the eye slowly regenerating…

I look down to her. "Dayum. What happened to you?"

"M-mean man… cut my eye…" She rose from the floor, sitting up, wincing as blood poured out of her eye anew.

Remilia looked to her curiously. "Hmm? Is the incident causer really someone so cruel? Last I heard of it, the guy didn't carry any sharp objects…"

Rumia stood up, lightly placing her hand on the temple on the side of her head where her eye was stabbed. "He… was some outsider. He had blades, I-I don't know… it hurts…"

Another outsider, and a violent one at that? This could be… interesting…

Flandre looked conflicted at the sight, but chose not to say anything.

Remilia scowls, and looks at the darkness youkai. "Look, you know that bamboo forest?"

Rumia nods.

"You've ever been to the center of the forest?"

Rumia nods. "T-there's this place with rabbits…"

Remilia pats her back. "Go there, show them your wound, and they'll help you, alright?"

Nodding, Rumia sets off. "T-thank you…"

We watch the darkness youkai depart into the night, and Remilia shakes her head. "That was gonna happen eventually, not all outsiders appear to be powerless whelps, and if she attacked any villagers they probably wouldn't hesitate to stab her or something. Still, eye wounds are never pleasant, so I guess that's why it hit her so hard…"

Flandre shrugged. "I think I'd be crying from an eye wound, too…"

Remilia turns to her, and nods. "Eye wounds are low blows, anyway. Nobility like us vampires should be fighting opponents who are above such tactics…"

I stare blankly into the night. "You know, guys, to me I'm literally just standing in a black void right now!"

All I could make out at this point was the glowing crystals of Flandre's artificial wings, and the glowing of the their vampiric eyes, which was strangely comforting since I knew they were on my side.

We begin towards the Forest of Magic, only for a generic youkai to stand in our way! It's about time we found one of those!

Ahead of us appeared a brown-haired man, with tattered villager-esque clothing on. "Quite a night for some little bat youkai to be out… and is that a human? Pfft, hahahah! H-have you really allied yourselves with a vil- wait a second… is that a fucking outsider!? Holy shit!, this…"

The man guffawed, showing his rather canine teeth which shimmered in the night. I look up to the sky; it was still one of those… not quite full but not quite crescent moons, but it wasn't half either… I dunno what those are called, so sue me!

Calming down, he scowled at the sisters. "I have a newfound hatred for bat youkai, you two know… and I'm gonna be quenching my thirst for blood tonight!"

He charges at Flandre, who holds out a hand. He raises his hand to swipe with his claw, only for Flandre to grab his oncoming hand.

Flandre turned to her sister. "...Hey, Remi, can we keep him? He's fluffy."

Remilia frowed and shook her head. "Flan, you don't know where he's been. He could have rabies, for all we know."

Flandre lets go of the youkai's hand, and he stumbles back.

"What the fuck…" he irately turns to Remilia. "The fuck'd you just say about me!?" He runs at her, and tries to kick her… only for the kick to be stopped by Remilia holding out her hand.

"I said you had rabies, since you obviously don't realize whom you're talking to." Remilia pulls his leg back and then forward, throwing him off balance easily.

Remilia grins, spreading her wings. "I am Remilia Scarlet, mistress of the night, and I'll have you know that I have no qualms with executing vermin such as yourself, should you have a death wish… and you quite clearly appear to, at this moment."

The youkai's eyes widen. "W-what the hell!? I was expecting someone taller! There ain't no fuckin' way you're the Scarlet sisters!"

Remilia glared. "You're gonna die, for that."

She holds up her arm, and starts to generate a danmaku Gungnir.

His eyes widen. "Oh, shit! Fuck me! Is-is that the spear? Don't tell me that's the fucking spear! Okay, look, I'm sorry, I'll do anything! Anything! Anything!" He scrambles on the floor, backing into a tree.

Remilia grins, and starts to power down her spear. "Good. That's the respect I-"

The male picks up a rock and tosses it at Remilia, and it only manages to take off her poofy tablecloth for a hat.

The youkai male freezes. "...Okay, look… in my defense, that's a fuckin' poofy hat."

I gotta admit, he's right. That's one poofy-ass hat.

"...You're gonna be a poofy hat when I'm through with you." Remilia casually walks towards the youkai.

He starts to rise to his feet, back against the tree. "Wait, come the fuck on, you can't-"

Thud! Splosh…

Blood poured down the youkai's chest, Remilia's hand had collided with the tree behind him, cleaving straight into him.

He clawed against her arm, producing some cuts and scrapes, but she didn't budge.

"F-fuck… you…" The youkai coughed, blood splattering on Remilia's face.

"I hope you're satisfied." Crack!

"A-Aaauggh!" The man yelled inhumanely into the night.

Splash! Thud, thud…

I heard the two halves of the youkai fly waywardly to the side as Remilia tore him a new one, literally.

"...I'm glad I can't see anything right now!" I exclaim, only seeing the red swipe of Remilia's nails and the other usual glowing things light up the night. I still heard the plentiful blood splattering, though, and I wasn't entirely certain I appreciated it!

"H-hah…" Ha-chan was hiding behind a bush, and timidly watched the entire process unfold.

Remilia looked to us, rolling her eyes. "Look, if some little prat refuses to play by the spellcard rules, then who am I to coddle them? Youkai should know their respective places better than anybody. I'm just letting the weaklings know who's in charge around these parts."

Flandre smiled. "That's my big sis!"

I dunno if that's necessarily a good moral to be teaching her…

We proceed in a direction I'm unsure of, but we eventually make it to the forest of magic because I see the magical particles hanging in the air.

"Should we set up shop here, friends?" I ask everyone.

"Hmmm… this place is as good as any, I guess…" Remilia decides.

"It's pretty!" Flandre adds.

Ha-chan looks around, intimidated. "I-it's dark…"

We all stand around like chucklefucks for a good few minutes, before I bring up the question that needed to be asked.

"...Did any of us even think of bringing a tent?"

Remilia sighs. "...Fuck."

====FREAKIN GENSOKYO====

I stare at the new fortress of furniture situated somewhere in the forest of magic. "Sweet jesus fuck."

Remilia shakes her head, and approaches it. "...I'm insulted that I've not only lost my mansion, but I'm going to live outside in a pile of furniture among the wild youkai."

I smile. "At least you've got us, so we can all sleep together in one big, crumpled up ball!"

"...My ancestors would frown upon me on this day." Remilia disdainfully starts to scowl at the furniture fort as Flandre crawls in.

"This is actually pretty cool!" Flandre exclaims, crawling around inside.

"...Alright, it's actually kinda neat, but still!" Remilia admits, moving inside.

I stand proudly on an isolated stool. "Come one, come all, to Fort Fucksalot!"

Ha-chan incredulously eyes me as I shout my name to the dark forest around me, but no one seems to reply.

I make for the large furniture fort, and crawl inside…

To my left I see Remilia getting lightly poked on the cheek by Flandre. Remilia sat in the fetal position in the corner.

"..." Remilia has submitted to her stay at Fort Fucksalot!

"Earth to Remi~..." Flandre called out, poking her.

I huddled in the very back as Ha-chan crawled in.

"It's… it's a little snug." Ha-chan winces as she's forced to stay in a very awkward position to exist inside the fort.

I shrug. "What can I say? Wartime forts weren't made for comfort, yo. I had to sleep in ten of these during the great Gensokyian Wibble War of eighteen twelve!"

Flandre clapped her hands. "Oooh, Remi told me about that one!"

Remilia facepalmed. "What have I done…?"

I elucidated on the great Wibble War of eighteen twelve late into the night, but sleep eventually took us all.

====FREAKIN GENSOKYO====

Slowly, I awaken to the sound of rain pattering on the roof, and everyone huddled together in the far corner. I was instead being used as a barricade of sorts, while the three girls huddled around me.

"Ahhh-ack…" I stretch, feeling my back become inflicted with the painful pain of pain.

I look outside, only to see torrential downpours occur. It's a good thing I put that wooden board down, or we'd be screwed!

"A-ah…" Remilia stirred awake, her eyes flickering open. "S-so cold…"

"A-aauu…" Flandre unconsciously nuzzles herself against her sister.

I look outside, seeing the little uprising we're on slowly has water catching up to it. Woah, no…

Holy rain, batman! It's gettin' freakin wet!

====NEW INCIDENT: THE STORMY RAINMAKER'S RAINY-DAY DOWNPOUR====

If I don't do something, we're gonna get freakin soaked!

Remilia looks outside, and she blanches, if a vampire could get paler. "W-what the hell…"

Ha-chan slowly flutters awake. "...Maaauuu…"

Flandre jerks back from the smell. Hah!

I rush over to Ha-chan, and begin shaking her by the shoulders. "Yo, wakey wakey goldilocks! This is an emergency broadcast by the Gensokyian weather service!"

Ha-chans eyes swirl for a moment, before she blinks rapidly, snapping awake. "W-w-what is it!?"

"It's gonna rain for forty days and forty-fuckin'-eons! We gotta get this house outta here!" I shout, still shaking her.

"W-w-waauu-u-u!" Her voice vibrates a bit due to my shaking. I let her go, and climb out of the fort, rain slamming against my body.

I turn back and stick my head in. "I'll be back with tools, and assistance! Ha-chan, keep the water out or something! Here," I tossed her a rock and the Flame Dispenser. "Just keep hitting it with the rock, and only the rock should burn!"

Ha-chan nods confusedly, as I race off into the forest of magic. I needed to find Alice!

I activate the strength buff of Quake Maker, and slam it into the floor before me, and a huge gust of wind slams into me, and I could hear the shimmering of leaves as they got rocked by the wind wave, and water flowed freely down from the treetops, soaking me to the bone.

"Holy shit! Hydraulic's literally useless in this weather!" I yelled into the void, as I continued in the vague direction of Alice's abode.

Before me were… fluffles, apparently! Some of them had little blue hats on, and others had silver-blue metal bows.

"Waaal!" one wailed, and suddenly blue orbs were shot at me.

"The fuck'd I do to you!?" I yelled out, weaving through the simple barrages of small blue orbs. These were nowhere near as bad as Patchouli's insano waves!

The archers shot arrows towards me, which stopped in mid-air, bubbles of water floating around them. The arrows weren't aimed at me, and when the arrows left the bubbles, they exploded into blasts of danmaku, and I suddenly had to avoid it from multiple directions at once!

"Fock yo~u!" I roared, smashed a mage aside who got too close to me, and it exploded into dust. I began dashing towards Alice's house, shoes sinking in the mud under me, slowing me immensely.

"C'mon, c'mon!" I tried double-jumping whenever I got out of the mud, but that just made it worse!

Danmaku pinged me from behind- shit! I had no choice but to fuck some shit up!

Clambering from the mud, I whirled around to face the magi and archers following me.

"I ain't afraid of getting a little dirty!" I shouted, and slammed Quake Maker into the mud, a wave of mud splashing forward and eating some of the danmaku coming for me. The fluffles jerked back in the air due to the mud, allowing me to close the distance.

"Five on one is a little fair, don't you agree…?" I stated, and pulled out my operating cross. "London, let's break some shit! Sentry mode!" I pointed to the rightmost tree.

London flew in from nowhere, and stood at the tree, and then started unloading her yellow diamond spreads.

Two fluffles diverted their attention to the floating London momentarily, and began firing upon her.

I was able to weave through the remaining danmaku clumsily, practically bathing in the mud on my way to the other mage, which was up against a tree as it tried to float back.

"It's hammer time!" I yelled, smashing it into the tree, slaying it instantly. Two magicians left!

"Waaaalalal!" I heard fluffle-speak to my left, so I whirled around to face an archer who was aiming for me. I brought the hanger to about where I thought the arrow'd be, and when it struck the bubble effect appeared but never activated due to me striking the arrow.

I pulled out the Bee-Sheventeen Bawmber and focused on the archer as it strafed taking aim again. I fired a few pellets, missing, and another arrow was fired. stopping shorter for the bubble to create danmaku. It flew out of the bubble towards me, missing me narrowly.

I finally pinged it with a lucky shot as it tried to keep strafing around me. "Waallg!"

It reeled back, spinning in the air, and I took the oppertunity to clumsily rush it, pocketing Bee-Sheveteen Bawmber as best I could before slamming the fluffle into the mud.

Sploosh!

The fluffle sunk under the waves quickly, its wails being silenced by the mud.

"Waaal!" The last fluffle mage shouted as its archer friend exploded, downed by the yellow diamond danmaku.

"Nice shot!" I yelled to London, even if she wasn't a living being.

Some blue-haired fairies in various raindrop patterned dresses appeared from nowhere, shooting at the fluffle.

"Waaa-" Boosh! It exploded into dust.

"Uh... thanks?" I complimented the blue-laser shooting fairies… before they fired at me, giggling.

"London, engage!" I shouted, running towards Alice's house again. London flew towards one of the fairies, a spread of yellow danmaku accompanying it.

Pi~chun!

"W-wha~t!? Drizzle-cha~n!" a fairy yelled, shocked.

"You're gonna pay for that, dolly!" another water fairy closed in on London, who did its duty without fail and continued to assault the fairies without hesitation.

I managed to escape, and despite the thick rain and fog, I sighted Alice's house in the distance.

====FREAKIN GENSOKYO: HANA'S PERSPECTIVE====

I lightly banged the rock against the flame-producing plant hanger, Flame Dispenser if I remember correctly…

Clack.

Fwsh…

The fort lightly lit up, a slight wave of heat emanated as the two sisters huddled around it.

Clack.

Fwsh…

This process continued for awhile. Where'd Brad-kun head off to, anyway…?

Clack.

Fwsh…

...Thud-thud.

The furniture above us vibrated, something striking it.

"W-what was that!?" I jumped! That was scary…!

Remilia-sama turned to me. "G-go check it out, you w-whelp. What do I pay you… f-f... Achoo!" Remilia-sama sneezed.

"...A-alright…" I reluctantly agreed. I rea~lly didn't want t-

Thud-thud!

Waauuu! I jumped again!

I looked outside, clutching Flame Dispenser cautiously… and I saw some of those fluffle things outside! A blue robe and wizard hat on a few of them, along with others carrying cute little bows…

The two with the little bows fired them, and arrows zoomed towards the fort.

Thud-thud!

"What the hell's going on out there!?" Remilia-sama hollered from inside, her voice strained.

"The fluffle's are being mean!" I shouted back, flustered.

"Be mean back! Do something!" Remilia-sama shouted at me.

Do something… I can't afford to be useless now!

"I'm going to do something!" I roared, flying out of the little hole in the fort, and soaring towards the five fluffles closing in on us.

"Waaal!" A mage pointed at me.

Blue streams flew towards me, but I barely grazed them, barrel-rolling to the left. As I flew by quickly, I pinged one in the face, knocking its hat off and lighting it on fire.

The fire was short-lived, however, the immense rain putting a quick stop to it, so I did a somersault and smacked the fluffle again, and it exploded into dust.

D-did I just… kill i-

"Aaaugh!" I yell out, a bullet pinging me from the left. Where'd that come from!? Ow, ow, owwww…!

The archers were firing arrows!... but they stopped and formed bubbles, which were quickly popped, sending blasts of danmaku outwards. They were being used to flank me from the left!

"Aaahhh!" I screamed, flying in frantic circles to dodge it, which… worked surprisingly well, actually!

Danmaku hurts! I wish I could do-... wait, could I?... I could, couldn't I? That's right I could! Yeah!

I charge my free arm with a cyan orb, and send a small spread over to the archers, who avoid it with ease.

"No!" I shouted, as they readied their arrows again. The mages behind me struggled to track my frantic movements, their spreads not translating well and failing to track me.

A blue fairy flew by, and tore the bow out of one of the fluffle's hands. "Catch me if you can, freak!" It flew off, and the fluffle looked offended. "Waaal!"

The fluffle soared off and its other archer friend went with it, leaving me to the mages.

"Waaal!" They all pointed at me, unleashing their spreads.

Oh, no no no! I flew haphazardly, and one hit me in the wing as I practically flew into it.

"Fuaaaahhh!" I screamed, searing pain enveloping my right wing. O-one more hit like that… and It's all over…!

I channeled magic into the Flame Dispenser, focusing on it in my time of need. I trust you, Flame Dispenser!

I spun around, flames roaring out of the red plant hanger as I zoomed past the mages. One tried to get close for a finishing spread, but the flame licked it, deterring it. I did a U-turn, coming back around and my next strike came right down on its head, destroying it.

"...Waaaallll…" the final fluffle growled at me, its friends having been bested. I stopped spinning, feeling my mana running low…

"Help me! He-" Pi~chun! What was that!?

I looked in the direction of the blast, and a blue bow floated in the air, a fluffle archer retrieving it. The two fluffle archers closed in on me again, the blue fairy apparently having been bested and slain. No~!

"I could really use some help here~!" I wail out, fluffle chasing me as I flew in circles.

====FREAKIN GENSOKYO: BRAD'S PERSPECTIVE====

I knock on Alice's door with much force!

Knock! Knock! Knock!

...Alice opens the door, and sees my weathered state.

"Ebeebada, boobada, babada, boo!" I explain.

...Alice shuts the door in my face.

...Shieeeuut!

I knock on the door again, with much force!

Knock! Knock! Knock!

No response.

"Fuck it!" I yell, and ready Quake Maker.

Bam!... Bam!... Boosh!

I bust the door open, and Alice whirls to me, eyes wide.

"W-what!?" she shouts, surprised.

"I actually need your help here!" I exclaim.

Alice glares at me once she snaps out of her shock. "W-why should I-"

I cut her off. "Because the world is at stake, the fluffles are invading and it is every man for themselves out there! Fluffles are eating youkai in the streets yo, the giant fluffcraftian nightmare is upon us! The wibbles were fucking right!" I shout as dramatically as possible.

"What the hell are you talking about!?" Alice gets worried at my sudden exclamations.

"The magenta apocalypse, that's what! We need to sail the arc from here to the manor by sundown, or the wibbles will make us their eternal slaves!" I gesture wildly to the open door behind me.

"Well, shit! Let's go move that arc! Yeaah!" Alice shouts, and makes for the door before stopping. "...What the hell are you talking about!?" she repeats.

I sigh. "Look, I need you to get your dolls to move a pile of furniture from here to the Scarlet Devil Mansion, and you can negotiate your payment with the mistress and her mage friend later. Right now, I need the assistance, so get like every doll ever mobilized so we can kick some fluffy ass!" I roared, giving a yell. "Huah!"

Alice looked a little pumped by the end of that, but kept her calm. "Alright, very well… Lead me to where we need to go."

I pull out the operating cross… only to see it flicker out moments later.

"...We're gonna need some big guns, yo…" I stare at the operating cross awkwardly.

====FREAKIN GENSOKYO====

A swarm of Shanghai clones filed out of Alice's house, all holding large lances.

"That's what I like to see!" I yelled out, and leaped off of Alice's porch, running through the mud once again. "Chaarge!"

The dolls mobilized behind me, and eventually we caught up to the fairies.

"...Holy hell! Guys!" One of them whirled around and pointed to the dolls.

They all began turning and blanching at the doll armada.

"I brought friends, bitches! You have incited the wrath of a thousand dolls!" I roared, running through the mud awkwardly as it seemed a little deeper and mushier than before…

The dolls quickly mobilized to impales the fairies. The spreads of danmaku they fired were wholly ignored as the Shanghai dolls all closed in, tanking the bullets outright and eviscerating the fairies, who began exploding into magic within the canopy of the forest of magic.

Pi~chun! Pi~chun! Pi-Pi~chun! Pi~chun!

I heard the dying explosions of fairies resound through the air, and grinned. The sounds of bliss…

Running forward, we charged towards Fort Fucksalot, ready to defend it anew.

====FREAKIN GENSOKYO: HANA'S PERSPECTIVE====

These fluffles are mehehea~n!

"Waahh!" I yelled, still fleeing from the waves of danmaku sent to me by the archers and the singular mage left.

Suddenly, dolls floated past me and towards the fluffles.

"Waaaal!" Shiing! Poof… the fluffle was no more.

The archers took aim for the Shanghai doll, firing arrows at it. One of the arrows took an arm, the other stopped to pop a bubble, allowing the Shanghai to avoid it, and it flew straight through the danmaku, the arm with the lance still intact.

Shiing! Poof… an archer was no more.

"no, friends! have mercy!" The last archer gave up its bow, cowering in the air with its fins raised.

I flew up to it, and shot a single danmaku orb into its face.

Boosh! Dust whirled through the air as the fluffle perished… and then there were none.

From inside the fort, Flandre sneezed.

"...There is no mercy for my enemies." I narrow my eyes… before clutching my head. Aaauuuuu, acting like that always hurt my head…!

====FREAKIN GENSOKYO: BRAD'S PERSPECTIVE====

I ran up to the fort, as Ha-chan fell back towards it.

"Ha-chan! How'd it go!?" I shouted up to her as she came back down.

"We were attacked, but I did what I could!" Ha-chan provided, a determined look on her face.

I looked inside, at the vampires. "We're gettin' you two outta here, airlift style!" I announced, smirking.

Remilia blinked, surprised. "V-very good…! I expected no less from a servant of m-mine… Achoo!" Remilia sneezed, her surprise being cut off by her water allergy.

Suddenly, a barrage of water arrows soared into the air, all popping a series of bubbles, causing literal danmaku rain to befall us. The Shanghais moved to shield the fort, a few falling in the process, being shorted out by danmaku.

"Look out! Enemies inbound!" Alice neared the fort, hovering around it, her arms smoothly flailing around as she tried to command the army of Shanghai dolls.

In the distance a series of fluffles with blue armor marched up, holding large blue broadswords… as large as large could be for a fluffle to wield. They looked like mobile waterfalls, the mud around them flowing away as they gracefully glided across the water, the grace offset by the flailing of their large silver-blue metal broadswords. Behind them was a floating legion of fluffle archers, eager to sink their arrows into our fort and flesh.

I blanch momentarily. "T-the fuck did we ever do to you fluffy pieces of shit!?" I yell out.

"Waaaal!" A collective murmur of wailing sounds out from the oncoming strike team.

Remilia stares out the hole in the fort, and sees the oncoming armada. "What.. the hell… is going on anymore!?"

I turn to Remilia. "I think we've sparked a war, that's what's goin' on!"

I look up at Alice. "Alice, we need a way to get this fort the hell out of here!"

Alice glances at me, strained. "I-I'm busy focusing, here! I can't spare any dolls of the strike team!... besides, how in the hell would I do that!?"

I raise my leg to pose it dramatically on a half-submerged stool separate from the fort, and raised a hand to my chin. Situations like this always made me giddy… but I had to not drop the ball now! "Hmmm…" I hummed, watching the approaching water-elemental strike team.

I looked to the magic trees… the magic trees… and who here knows any enchanting magic? I glance at Alice, who's too busy to be of help. I glance at Remilia… I don't think she'd have taken up any sort of real enchanting magics… My eyes skip Ha-chan; she's magical, but she's no magic practitioner. If only we had someone like Patchouli here to…

Hold the phone! Didn't Patchouli try teaching Flandre some spells or something!? She enchanted the Escape Plan!

Speaking of the Escape Plan, I took that out, feeling slightly nimbler. Heheey!

I look to Alice. "Kick some fluffy ass, Alice, 'cause I'll be right back! Ha-chan, distract them if it gets dire!"

"W-where are you going!?" Ha-chan looks at me, alarmed.

"I'm gonna get some well needed supplies!" I ran up to a tree, and brandishing Quake Maker, I brought it down, skinning some bark clean off the tree with a powerful strike… but it wasn't as powerful as I'd like. The bark was only cut off into little chunklets, so all I accomplished was damaging the tree. Shieeeut.

"Damn…" I ripped out a mana potion, and tore it open.

Gulp...Gulp...Gulp...Gulp...

Hahhh…

I tossed the bottle into the mud somewhere, letting it sink to its doom. Screw that bottle in particular!

I wiped the crappy mana taste from my lips. Eeuugh…

… and lifted Quake Maker, reapplying my strength buff.

"Let's make some fuckin' quakes!" I roared, slamming Quake Maker into the bark of another tree, a good long chunk falling off.

"Perfect!" I exclaimed. I slammed the hammer down on it, breaking it into two sizable pieces, and took off to the fort.

The armored hooligans were still closing it, and any dolls who dared get close to them were readily annihilated with singular swings. Lances clanked and bounced off their armor.

"I-I need ranged support! Damn, damn, damn!" Alice frusteratedly cursed, her melee units useless.

"I-I'm trying!" Ha-chan uselessly fired some basic danmaku orbs at the bunch, their moves being shrugged off.

"Eat shit, and die!" I roared, bringing my hammer down on one of the armored fluffles…

...only for my blow to be totally parried! Holy shit!

Claaa~ng!

I flew back from the rebound, sliding across some shallower mud. I clambered back up, and glared at it. Gaahh, power attacks were useless!...

I mentally cycled through my own weapons… nothing would deal with water well! I had an idea, though…

I took out Hydraulic, the water plant hanger. Water on water enemies would be the literally worst idea, but…

I tossed it to Ha-chan.

"W-what do you want me to do with this!?" Ha-chan blanched at it, realizing it was the water plant hanger and how useless it'd be.

"Your affinity is electricity! Try something!" I shout to her, and I run up to the fort, clambering in.

I show the two bark pieces to Flandre. "You, Patchouli taught you enchantments right?"

Flandre winced. "W-well… I'm not very good at them, you see… I-I always overcharge them and ruin what I was enchanting…"

Except… she was weakened by the moisture right now! "Try now, you might see better results! Make it shoot danmaku when I uh…" I take out the Escape Plan. "Make the tree bark shoot large danmaku copies of itself when I swing the Escape Plan!" I instruct her, placing said hanger on the bark.

"I-I know how to do that! Patchouli-sensei taught me! I-I won't let you down, Brad!" Flandre exclaimed, lifting her arms to begin work on the bark.

Remilia sighed, relaxing in the corner. "I'm not even going to question what's going through your mind right now… but if we die, I'm going to haunt your ass."

I nod at her. "I accept the charges!" I clamber out and whirl around, seeing the approaching fluffle knights. Oh, boy…!

The archers really weren't a thing anymore, though, a half of the Shanghai army having been diverted to deal with them, and they were quickly eviscerated. Despite getting the jump on the knights, they couldn't do much but ping their armor. We needed elemental mo~ves!

Flandre was busy working, Alice was busy doing what she could, and Ha-chan…

Ha-chan was spinning around like a maniac, sending water spiraling across the battlefield. A few electric danmaku blasts soared out, striking the waves and dissipating.

"Ha-chan!" I yell out, and she ceases spinning, and closes in on me. I leap back from a fluffy knight's blade, the water rushing under me.

"Yeah!?" Ha-chan yells over the smashing and crashing of the wind, rain, and waves.

There was a spark in my eyes… "Let's give em 'hell!"

There was a spark in her eyes…"Uhhh… oh, yeah! Yeah, let's do that!"

She lifts me by the waist, and I pocket Quake Maker, taking Hydraulic from her. She lifts me into the sky, and we spiral around, spreading water around even if we didn't need to.

Alice glared at our seemingly useless practice, the dolls starting to lax and lose their vigor with which they attacked the knights with before.

"Limit Break Sign! Blue Plasma!" Ha-chan screams into the air, and the water below us all converts into blue plasma.

FWAAAASH

The trees in the forest of magic light alive in the dark of the storm, magic particles accelerating into the air insanely fast. The fluffles below were lost in the bright light that engulfed the entire forest.

…

====FREAKIN GENSOKYO====

…

The blue plasma all dissipated, vision being granted to me again. The mud all dried into dirt. The trees slowly returned to their normal light level, and the rain pattering against the Earth began to wet the ground anew.

Fluffles in scorched black armor stood completely still…

Craaack… Clatter…

The suits of armor, one by one, cracked and broke apart, revealing unarmed fluffles to the world. Their blades shattered at the faintest contact, leaving them completely and truly unarmed.

Multiple Shanghai dolls lost their doll lives, as much of a life as a doll could have, anyway, during the limit break, having been scorched and vaporized by the blue plasma.

Alice's jaw dropped at the display before her, and she rubbed her eyes. All the Shanghai dolls ceased their activity, Alice's focus completely shattered by the display.

Water flowed in from other parts of the forest; the limit break apparently didn't have that much radius.

...It still kicked some serious ass, though…!

Ha-chan and I floated down, and I walked up to the unarmed fluffles as mud and water builded up around them, slowly submerging them due to their tiny stature.

"...help, no!" shouted the fluffle before me, raising his fins, distressed.

"Say good night, McMurphy." I quipped, stomping the fluffle into the mud, which flowed around my foot. I felt the mud ooze into my sneaker, joining the rest of the mud that has flowed into my sneaker today.

I march towards the fort.

"Holy hell! Did… did anyone else just feel that!?" Remilia loudly inquired, looking around incredulously from inside the fort.

"Nope. It was only you. Go back to bed." I nonchalantly explained to her, before looking at Flandre. "How goes the enchanting thing, friend?"

"Great, actually! I'm almost done…" Flandre furrowed her brows, focusing intently on the plant hanger…

I get outside and look up to Alice, who's still frozen in place with a shell-shocked expression.

I snap my fingers in front of her. "Yo, Polly's Playhouse, you alive?"

She didn't respond, still looking in the vague direction of the electrical blast, blinking.

Ha-chan floated up to me. "Umm… who's McMurphy?"

I smile, glancing at her. "I'll tell you later…"

I pull out Hydraulic again, having pocketed it earlier upon finishing that limit break. I turn it to max and hold it over Alice.

"Pftuh-gugh-fu-ack! Enou-guh!" Alice sputters, flailing for my plant hanger. I retract it, and pocket it.

"Good morning, sleepy head! How was electro-shock?" I ask her, grinning.

Alice rolls her eyes. "W-where the hell did that one come from…?"

I point my thumb to Ha-chan. "Her, yo."

Alice eyes Ha-chan curiously, but before any further inquiries, I abruptly start my next move!

"Alright, friends!" I clap my hands together. "We've gotta get this thing moving before more assholes show up!"

Alice looks at me critically. "Are you sure that's a wise idea? Shouldn't the rain be ending soon…?"

I look up, the rain still falling hard as nails. "You say that, but it's not getting any better. Like, at all."

Alice scowls. "Good point…"

I look to the idle Shanghai armada- or what was left of it. "Yo, do you think they could lift this thing?"

Alice squinted her eyes. "Ma~ybe…"

I grin. "You got any spare sheets you wouldn't mind missing?"

Alice tilts her head. "Ma~ybe…"

I grin wider. "I think we're gonna have some fun with this one…"

Time to build our own combat ship, and sail it!

====FREAKIN GENSOKYO====

We've been mostly uninhibited thus far! I bet that huge ass plasma storm scared everything remotely problematic off…

I stood atop the fort, Alice hovering behind it. Under it was a legion of Shanghai dolls, and I had them operate similar to those fluffle forts. All stand under it, and they drive it flintstones style, 'cept they float and shit!

I had some of the Shanghai lances piercing the tree barks Flandre enchanted, and they were nailed into the sides of the craft.

A mast stood atop the craft, being crafted from part of a damaged tree. Alice's sheets hung on it, acting as a sail, even if we didn't need a sail… and even if having a sail was counterproductive 'cause of the wind… screw it, sails are cool!

I held the Escape Plan outward, ready for the S.S. Blow-Out-Negative-Enemy-Revenge, one word decided by the each of us. We decided this by a group activity where we summarized this camping trip. I picked 'blow', because this camping trip blew big time, as a camping trip, at least. Flandre picked 'out', as in 'outdoors'. Ha-chan picked negative, because she experienced pain. Alice picked 'enemies', which we shortened to just 'enemy', because we faced a lot of enemies. Finally, Remilia picked 'revenge', because she wanted revenge and figured this was the fluffles going for their revenge.

Thus, we had the tactful acronym for our fair vessel! The S.S. B-O-N-E-R…

Oh, holy shit, that name… I-I uh, don't think I'll be bringing that up to anyone… yet.

Alice turned to me, excited. "What was the final acronym anyway? I'd paint it on, but with this rain, it would prove difficult… I'd still like it, though. Maybe I can etch it in…"

No avoiding it now! I turn to her. "S.S. Boner." Insert shit-eating grin.

She glares at me, then pauses. Her face turns to one of shock. "Y-you're right, actually. Oh, damn it all…"

I chuckle like a maniac. "That is the only fitting name and you know it."

Alice sighed. "...I'm never going to live this one down…"

And so, S.S. Boner was etched onto the side of our craft. Endless happiness, I assure you.

====FREAKIN GENSOKYO====

Gradually and gingerly, our craft hovered from the depths of the forest of magic, the tree bark bits nailed to the sides glowing brightly as Flandre's enchantments whirled to life. The sail of Alice's old unused sheets flailed violently in the wind, and as we emerged from the woods, palisade forts with little fluffy legs stood before us. Didn't that wood golem make them, or did they have more of those, too?

The heavy fog made things a little awkward to see… so I started swinging the Escape Plan.

Vooo… Pew!

Tree-bark shaped danmaku roared forth from our dual cannons, quickly ripping into the fog ahead, traveling a linear path with varied spread. I started flailing wildly with the Escape Plan...

Vzazazazazaza!

A stream of danmaku lit up the thick fog, some of it battering the fort ahead, forcing it to explode in a bright, aqua-marine danmaku-induced explosion, fluffles soaring out of it.

"Waaal!"

I'm not even entirely certain how that works, but I'm not going to question it!

Fluffle forts shifted about the plains ahead of us, the faint mud of the road's normal dirt path below us as we hovered in a vague direction.

Some of the forts faded into obscurity, the fog consuming them in the distance as they retreated. Fluffy archers took potshots from parts unknown, but the mobile fortress of ours was largely unaffected by a few light pings or a couple arrows.

I flailed wildly again, grinning.

Vzazazazazaza!

The stream of destruction flew forward again, large danmaku particles piercing the fog, a few unfortunate enemy archers vaporized in the arbitrary discharge of the magical weapons.

I smiled giddily, our aircraft lurching along the side of the muddy dirt path.

"Waahuueehueee! Full speed ahead, to the manor!"

Rain and wind slammed against me as I pointed the Escape Plan towards the obscured horizon, grinning like a madman.

Vzazazazazazaza!

I swung the Escape Plan wildly again as the dolls dragged the pile of furniture side to side, slowly sweeping the road ahead of forts and fluffles.

====FREAKIN GENSOKYO====

We close in on the misty lake, and opt to fly over it. We floated anyway, so what was a whole sea of water below to us? Nothing!

The air chilled around us, the rain turning to hail. Paahaahaaain!

I flail the Escape Plan at the oncoming hail, accidentally triggering the main cannons.

Vzazazazazaza!

Danmaku flew out into the reaches of the misty lake, lighting it up.

'Hey, watch it!" I heard a girl's voice cry, as suddenly before me I saw a certain ice fairy float up. She was spiraling slightly, having barely dodged the barrage of powerful aquamarine tree bark bits. The hail ceased, presumably having been Cirno's fault.

"Hello, friend." I waved to Cirno.

"You almost hit me!" Cirno irately provided, glaring at me.

I shrug. "Too bad! This thing's a mobile wall of hurt, and it's not stopping for no one!"

Cirno grins. "I bet I could! Eye'm the strongest, after all, so it's only natural!"

I sigh. "You're gonna die for that, you know…"

Cirno gets pissed! "Nuh-uh! Just for that, I'm gonna destroy your stupid little… furniture, thing!"

I lift the Escape Plan. "Bring it on, frosty! You're gonna be a snow angel when I'm through with ya!"

I don't think that helped calm Cirno down, as ice particles were now flying at the wet boat. Oh, boy! I think I had something to deal with ice, though.

"Ha-chan! Get out here!" I yell, and Ha-chan emerges from the floating fortress.

"W-what!?" Ha-chan yelps and ducks behind me once she exits the interior, instantly regretting being outside due to the rain of ice particles.

I take out Flame Dispenser, and toss it to her. "Go roast the masses, or something! Set the world ablaze with your fury!"

Ha-chan looks confused for a moment, but soldiers on regardless. She hovers out into the ice field, and starts spinning wildly, destroying some nearby ice danmaku as she dispensed flames from the plant hanger.

"Freeze Sign! Perfect Freeze!" Cirno now shot generic, rainbow-colored danmaku in all directions, and Ha-chan desperately did her best to avoid it.

"Hawawaahh~!" Ha-chain wailed out, bouncing around the danmaku field like a drunkard, miraculously not striking any of the colored orbs.

Well… time to get acquainted with the freeze status effect! I shoulda brought a fur coat… or some really nice lil mittens...

Cirno smirked. "Annn~d… Freeze!"

Woohoaah that's cold…!

Crr-aaack…!

====FREAKIN GENSOKYO: HANA'S PERSPECTIVE====

In a flash, all the water in the vicinity was frozen solid, Brad lightly encased in magical ice, along with most of the boat and the dolls carrying it, freezing it in place.

"N-no!" I shouted out, voice likely coming out weird because I was still spinning. This wasn't good…!

"Hahahah! Eye win!" the fairy girl cheers, posing with her hands on her hips, the colored orbs frozen. The frozen orbs start rotating…

I stop, and aim the Flame Dispenser forward.

Fwooosh…!

Flames flowed freely, thawing out a rainbow orb which quickly rocketed away in the breeze Cirno formed to push the thick frost bullets. Like this, I carefully navigated my way through the waves of flowing frost bullets until I got to the ice fairy…

"Hey, you! You can be my deputy! You got blue hair just like me!" She smiles at me, as I near her and aim the Flame Dispenser at her face.

"I'm so~rry!" I wail out, and channel magic into it…

Fwoosh…

Flames gently lick across her face.

"G-gwwaaaah!?" She reels back, flames engulfing her face. I tracked her, and smacked her across the head with the hanger before she could recover and before the rain could extinguish the flames.

"Aaaahhhh!" screamed the ice fairy, shining ablaze as the fire slowly turned blue and went out. All the danmaku dissipated, and S.S. Bo-... and S.S. Furniture was thawed!

====FREAKIN GENSOKYO: BRAD'S PERSPECTIVE====

I took a deep breath.

Hah…

...being frozen was trippy!

"You idiot! Eye was gonna win!" Cirno shouted at Ha-chan, who became flustered.

"A-ah, well, I-I…" Ha-chan stuttered, growing increasingly nervous.

"Eye'm gonna thrash you!" Wooahoaahooh, there, fairy friend!

Ha-chan retreated as Cirno irately followed her. Cirno paused to lay down a spellcard, as it were.

"Snow Sign! Diamond Blizzard!"

Weak ice danmaku literally snowed out from Cirno's position as she resumed chasing Ha-chan. The blankets of bullets produced were thick, but flimsy. Ha-chan was mostly unaffected, fleeing as fast as she possibly could from the oncoming wall and Cirno moving too fast for any real problems to clump up. If she sat still, this might be more menacing…

Weak blankets struck the ship, weakly pinging against the wet exterior, producing a light frost, but no real freezing. I think Cirno's run out of tricks!... although she only really used one, and Ha-chan managed to dispel that one…

I flailed the Escape Plan wildly, activating the bark again.

Vzazazazazaza!

"Hahahah!" I yell giddily, swinging the plant hanger like a maniac.

"Waa~hh!" Ha-chan yelled, a shot nearly missing her.

"Eye'll get y-" Bam!

Pi~chun!

Heavy danmaku fire managed to mow down Cirno, and she was no more.

"Victarious!" I shout, jumping up and down on S.S. Boner… that freakin' na-

"What's going on up there!?" Remilia shouts from inside, irate.

"Razzum frazzum! Stuff and things, I assure you!" I shout back, making sure to stop jumping. Eheh…

"What?" I hear Remilia ask from inside, not hearing me clearly over the weather and furniture bits.

I don't reply, and instead begin smiling widely as I see the lake under us end, giving way to muddy, rain-ravaged landscape. We were on our way to the manor!

I sat down on the S.S. Bo… I mean, the boat, and hear the Escape Plan clack against the wood lightly as I clumsily sit.

Vzazazaaaoo…

A few bullets are fired, zooming into the fog. Whoops!

"D-don't shoot! It's me, Hana!" Ha-chan shouts panickedly, flying up to the side of the craft before landing on it.

"Welcome home." I provide, smiling warmly as rain pierces my very freakin' soul because it's still bloody raining…

"H-hi…" Ha-chan looks very waterlogged as she sits down aswell. I look behind us, Alice tiredly and slowly trailing behind, her vigorous movements showing signs of decay as her eyes were half open, the mana used to drive this thing getting to her.

"Don't worry, Alice! Just through the gate, and we're in like flynn!" I pump my arm for effect!

"A-ah...r-right…" Alice trembles, trying to force the craft along. Oof…

We come up to the gate, and I see the walls to the sides. I see a fluffle stand has been manned; it's in for a freakin surprise! I swing the plant hanger in my hands…

Vzoooo… pew!

Two bullets from each cannon fly out and strike each half of the gate, rocking it visibly, but not taking it down. Our flying fortress approached…

Krreeeaaakkk… Claa~ng!

After a small struggle, the S.S. Boner penetrates the gate, blowing the parts asunder.

Meiling looks from the yard inside, and her jaw drops. "W-what the… I just fixed that!"

I wave from the fort boat thing. "Greetings, comrades! I bring the vampires back, safe and dry from the great Gensokyian sea!"

Sakuya gazes from the side of the wall, having been inspecting the wall for damage and additional water damage, when she saw the floating furniture craft slip in through the gate, the name "S.S. Boner" etched onto a side coffee table plate.

"...What." Sakuya rubbed her eyes.

Nearing the front door, which was pretty much the only part standing, I dock at the front porch, the craft stopping and the dolls slowly and unsteadily bringing it to the floor… before they all collapsed, Alice collapsing with them.

"...Ahah…" I nervously look off the back to see Alice lying out cold on the wet stone path behind us.

I look to the fairy maids who gathered around the craft, staring at it with wonder, as if they'd never seen so many coffee tables in one place, or arranged in such a precarious manner.

Sakuya walks up. "...What."

I look down from atop the S.S. Boner. "Hello, Sakuya! I came to drop the mistresses off from the camping excursion! It was a project!"

Sakuya nods slowly, before walking inside. "Meiling, you carry on… I'm gonna just… take a little break." She sighed as she closed the door behind her, entering the foyer… which was currently the only room of the entire mansion standing.

I get up and get ready to address the fairy maids again. "Alright, friends, we need a ramp from that cubby hole thing to the front door, and it needs rain coverage, stat!"

The fairies begin work without question, awed by the sight of the wooden anomaly.

I lean against the mast, and smirk. "Mission, ac-com-plished!"

====FREAKIN GENSOKYO====

END OF CHAPTER 10

PROTAGONIST: Brad, the Fluffle Slayer, Plant Hanger Master, Scarlet Liberator, Captain of the S.S. Boner

PRIMARY WEAPON: Quake Maker - A earth-elemental plant hanger made from sturdy rock. Able to be used as a jack hammer for demolition purposes due to an upgrade. Strikes can be empowered with magical energy. With the addition of an enchanted shaft, it is able to be used as a warhammer and grant the ability to self-cast attack buffs to the wielder.

INVENTORY:

Holy Hanger- Apparently a semi-crux to youkai and undead via a holy spell and being naturally strong against them, but it doesn't sound particularly efficient. Most respectable youkai seem to only be momentarily stunned, and anything without visual receptors or possibly a pair of sunglasses would probably be immune.

Swift Brand - A sand-red, cast iron plant hanger. It was used to hold a generic potted plant before being utilized as a weapon of mass skull-cracking destruction. With the addition of a wind-grate, it can create small compressed air blasts. By the addition of a steel block, it gained enhanced striking power and weight, along with increased ability to channel magic into any sort of special effects it has.

Flame Dispenser - A red and crimson plant hanger comprised of mysterious gems and metals. Enchanted to have an incendiary effect upon sufficient striking force, or sufficient velocity. Good for burning stuff and people! Boosts fire abilities, allows physical strikes to do fire damage. Never again do I need a lighter or the ability to somehow rub two sticks together really hard to make a campfire! Upgraded to have a nozzle with which the weapon can be utilized as a flame thrower with.

Vortex Hanger - Wind elemental plant hanger currently attached to the Yin-Yang flail as a crafting material. Granted a limited hover per swing when wielded, but that ability is what allows the flail-o-copter to fly now.

Hydraulic- A blue and silver plant hanger comprised of mysterious fantastical metals. Enchanted to constantly produce fresh water. Mundane, but practical in the eyes of a few. Boosts abilities of water-based attacks and allows physical attacks to deal water damage. The addition of a valve served to allow control of its water flow. I wonder if you could use this in place of a sink...

Yin-yang flail-o-copter - A flail with a standard, maximized Hakurei Yin-yang orb in the sling of it. Unable to have its powers fully activated, as only Reimu can truly harness the power of Yin-yang orbs. Minor affinities from the base orb transfer over, though! Crafted from a Hakurei Yin-Yang orb, a rope of panties, and two bra cups. Ropes were used to attach the Vortex Hanger to the yin-yang orb, allowing the flail to be used as a flying device, although it's a bit straining on the arms.

Sharper Than Darkness- A dark, runed plant hanger constructed from the shards of a dead man's sword. Dark effects promote a glass-cannon fighting style, with increased bleeding but fighting power being the main attributes. Due to a dark amulet upgrade, it may be used to cast Revenge, a dark spell which has more extreme proportions of the weapon's innate attributes. A scythe edge from a mysterious ghoul was added to give it an extra deadly edge in combat. When highly charged with buffs, the scythe can even inflict instantaneous death upon certain enemies who are not inherently immune to dark elemental things; although it's general consensus that instant death is ineffective against anyone of any real power, as they'd probably resist the effects.

Bee-Sheventeen-Bawmber - A mechanical plant hanger enchanted to make big booms on contact. Explosions are mostly knockback based, but I think it could gib particularly weak-willed people… magic is weird. With the addition of a barrel, it can shoot singular, yellow danmaku bullets.

The Escape Plan - A basic green cast-iron plant hanger from the aged cellar of the Scarlet Devil Mansion, and a gift from Flandre Scarlet. Has an obsolete map out of the cellar's maze, etched by Flandre herself. Shoddily enchanted to give a speed boost when the wielder is lower on health. Marks the wielder for death, dropping instant death resistance to zero and forces them to take 25% increased damage from all sources, but Flandre wasn't aware of the negatives when she created it. Different from the dark-elemental hanger in that this converts missing health into pure speed and none into power, and the increased damage isn't as punishing.

NERF dart blaster - Nerf guns are cool and all, but don't try defending yourself with one. Please.

NERF longsword - "CAUTION: Do not jab at people or animals"… you know what that means!

Fancy operating cross v.2.0 - Allows control and summoning of a London doll, along with some basic commands.

PARTY:

London, the Doll - Defensive unit, able to hold positions and provide cover-fire. Command is slightly dynamic, sporting defensive and offensive modes. Able to be used for more intricate operations; although seems to be strangely absent if the operating cross is in the hammerspace sack this time…

Hana, the Generic Fairy Maid with a Stalking Fixation - A cyan-haired fairy maid from the Scarlet Devil Mansion with a record for stalking. Can fire small spreads of cyan orbs, and apparently specializes in electrical magics, although her ineptitude in combat abilities doesn't show it most of the time. Probably ranks around the same as the other fairy maids. Timid, but cute!

PRIMARY WEAPON: Fairy power!

Alice Margatroid, the Seven Colored Puppeteer - A blond-haired youkai magician. Only recently became a youkai. Loves creating and controlling dolls, and strategizing and stuff. Lives in her own abode in the forest of magic, neighbors with Marisa Kirisame. Large mana pool, like most magi, and plenty of magical skills.

PRIMARY WEAPON: Strategy, apparently!... also that grimoire she never seems to open!

Remilia Scarlet, the Eternally Young Scarlet Moon - The vampiric mistress of the Scarlet Devil Manor. Egotistical most of the time, she switches between haughty and childish at others. Vampiric abilities include night vision, insano health regen and super strength. Fatally weak to water at points, and somewhat debuffed by sunlight. Her water weakness is very weird, at times… but it seems to include lakes, rivers, and rain, but not things like glasses of water, or bath tubs. Water from my plant hanger counts, however. I assume any weapon attributed water would harm her. I wonder how a water Gungnir would work, then…

PRIMARY WEAPON: Gungnirs! Both via a real spear, via a magical energy spear, and via danmaku spears!

Flandre Scarlet, the Sister Of the Devil - The little mistress of the Scarlet Devil Mansion. Five years the junior of Remilia, and marginally more childish. Being locked up for a number of years probably doesn't help the whole "world experience" thing… Marginally more resistant to vampiric weaknesses than her sister, and overall more powerful in general.

PRIMARY WEAPON: Laevateinn, a giant exploding sword of explosions and exploding! Pain!

ACTUAL AUTHOR'S NOTE:

hi friends

welcome to the FLUFFAPALOOZA

in any case, fun times ahead, and there's a legitimate incident in the works! woohohoaaaah!

... cough, by this point realizing i've also taken some liberties with remilia's weaknesses, reducing the "instantly evaporating in the sunlight" to heavy debuffs instead, so as to not let her be AS limited; besides, a little sun is unavoidable sometimes methinks… especially with the manor in a state of DISREPAIR AS IT IS HNNNGH that's my fault

weird water resistance! because yeah!

freakin grandiose rain battles yo

XD