In His Skin
Chapter 10
He had waited long enough for Victor to come on his own. His only regret was that he would now have to see him under circumstances that were less favorable than he preferred.
Still, Charles Xavier had spent these last three weeks observing his guest.
Over that time he noticed that Victor tended to move about the house when the children were otherwise preoccupied.
He preferred to stay in the shadows, and was more active at night. That in itself was not surprising. Most of the adults in the house tended to prefer the nighttime hours as well.
What WAS unusual, was his docility.
From the violence he'd displayed when they had first brought him to the mansion, and the bursts of rage when they'd held him in isolation- to now. The change was like night and day.
At first, Xavier believed it to be a ploy.
Victor was well-known for his ability to deceive. However, a chance observation revealed that was not the case.
He had been in his own quarters, allowing his mind to expand over the house, and was observing people in various stages of their night time activities- the children sleeping, or those who were supposed to be sleeping, playing games in their rooms. The adults, Logan especially- pacing aimlessly on the back porch, Jean and Scott had been away, and Ororo was in her room.
He didn't intrude, merely observed.
And so he saw, with his mind, when Victor approached her door, knocked, then went in. Curious, he decided to linger a bit longer. Not listening, just watching.
The care Victor took with her was amazing. It was a Victor he doubted anyone in the house would have known. But he'd seen enough to know that this was no trick. It was real.
And it was genuine.
And it left Xavier wondering, which was the real Victor? Was it the animal they had held in the confines of the lower levels of the mansion? The one that had growled, and roared, and gnashed at them? The one with the blood of mutants and humans alike on his hands?
Or was it this other - more man than monster. Angry, yes, but tempered by something deeper…anchored…
Or perhaps they were one and the same. And that was where the danger lay.
His musings were interrupted when the door to his study opened, bringing Scott, Logan, Gambit and Victor inside.
He motioned for the others to leave, and Victor simply looked at him, his face impassive.
"You have not come to see me."
"Well, seems now I don't have a choice, Doc."
"There is always a choice. Why do you stay here?"
Xavier eyed his subject intently, watching for any change, or show of discomfort. Victor's gaze on him held equally steady, unflinching.
RESOLVE. That had NOT been lost then.
"Why do you ask questions you know the answer to?" Victor hadn't moved from his place by the door. But those steely blue eyes remained firmly planted on him, watching, Xavier knew, for any sign of deception. Victor's response made one eye brow on his forehead rise higher than the other.
So, his presence last night had not gone unnoticed after all.
"I need your thoughts, Victor."
He saw the flinch—the tensing of the shoulders, the flexing of the jaw, the narrowing of the eyes.
He waited to see what the other would do. But there was no resistance only silence. Finally, after a long, tense moment, Victor spoke, his voice low, coming out more as a rumble. But Xavier heard him clearly.
"I need her to trust me. Fuck the others."
He nodded slowly, realizing it was as close to permission as Victor would allow.
"You will not notice me."
"Too late for that doc. Get on with it. Ain't nothing there ya'll don't already know anyway."
Xavier's eyes slipped closed as he extended one hand toward Victor's head.
.
.
The place he was in was…unexpected. Not the mindscape one would expect to find in a man like Victor.
Instead of the red flames he had anticipated this was…calm. But yet the red persisted.
A red desert…dotted with shrubs…warm dust blew up all around him…and in the distance, a mirage—a figure…
Female…
He began walking toward it as it moved and bended - melded with the rock and re-emerged…a shadow guide…to where, he did not know.
As he walked he looked down at his form. Bare fee t— toenails, no - claws…
He looked at his arms, thicker, longer…hairier than his own…a body…strong and angular—he had certainly not looked as defined as this- not even in his prime.
He felt…heavier…but his step was light.
And for a moment he stopped to relish in the feel of physical movement. The ability to step. To place one foot before the other. Liberation from a body that at times failed him…to one that was virtually indestructible.
He felt the power. The rush. The burn…
He was himself and yet not.
The shadow always stayed by him, and, regaining himself, he followed.
It was hot.
The sweltering waves of heat began to take its toll on his form, rolling off his body in waves…sucking the life force from him…
Fatigue…
How long had he been wandering in this place…
Closer, and closer he came…the shadow becoming clearer…in focus…until- he felt something wet beneath his feet…
And looked down.
Water - for his thirst.
Xavier fell to his knees and began to drink urgently, greedily...until, his body screamed for more and he submerged his entire head into the cool water and rose back up - letting it purify his mind, course through his body…
Life giving…
Refreshing…
Renewing…
Yet when he lifted his face out the water, Xavier/Victor saw himself for the first time. The reflection of two men, but one and the same…one dark, short hair…one long and blond, wild and savage…
Both man, and beast.
"Victor."
He looked up expecting the shadow once again.
Yet in its stead was a figure, more solid. Female.
Brown, white and blue.
It shimmered, before slowly coming into focus before his eyes, closer and closer still…
He spoke her name as she materialized before him. Her hair billowing like clouds in the air. her skin like Earth, glowing radiant, blending into the colors of the desert.
Warm lips met his; soft fingers grazed his skin…
Refreshing - He tasted.
The world around him began to spin as the colors slowly began to whirl…
The panic swelled within him as she began to morph again, fade away…
No!
He reached out — anxious to grab her, to hold on to her, but his arms went through her and she vanished like a mirage, leaving him alone in a world of darkness….
Until.
He opened his eyes. The scene changed.
Deep in the woods, he was walking…
The air was humid.
Night was high, but he saw clearly.
The heat shapes in the night.
Deer.
Slowly, he lowered himself onto all fours, and began to stalk.
A fresh kill…
The sensation of blood on his hands…claws into flesh…fear in the eyes…
A glint of light off into the distance halted his advance. He paused, sniffing the air.
Different.
Something…other…
Curiosity.
Anger.
These were HIS hunting grounds…
He turned, and began moving toward the light…
It grew brighter and brighter, as he got closer. A form, solid. Cylindrical. Steel. It grew larger as he approached, alert, cautious.
Glowing shapes slowly emerged… orbiting each other…expanding and contracting…growing larger and larger before him…
He was fascinated by the sight, momentarily letting his guard down. One moment- a second too late, and his body was seized, a dark force slowly expanding around…choking…he gasped…until he couldn't…
Then everything went black.
.
.
Xavier's eyes snapped open quickly, his breath coming in pants.
"What?"
"What happened? What did you see?"
Victor looked at him, an expression of genuine concern etched across his face.
He raised his hand for silence, while his mind whirled with all that he had seen.
"Victor, what do you remember prior to your memory lapse?" Xavier asked, once his chest had finally stopped constricting, and he was calm again.
"I told ya, I don't."
"No…no I believe you. I accessed a part of your mind—there's a large portion that has been blocked off- I was…ejected. Not by you—by something else."
"You mean someone else is inside my head?"
Now he looked almost scared, his normally narrow eyes slightly widened.
"No. But I think you saw something you weren't supposed too. And someone, or something, made sure you would forget."
"You can't fix it? You're a fuckin' telepath for God's-sake."
"I didn't know you believed in God," Xavier responded drily.
"I'm agnostic. But that's beside the point. What you're sayin' is, it can't be fixed."
"I did not say that. I said it can't be fixed by me. But Victor, do you really want to go back?" he asked while Creed turned away from him and walked toward a window overlooking the front of the property.
After a long bout of silence, the larger man spoke again.
"Did you get what you were lookin' for?"
The professor sighed. "Yes I did. You are innocent."
"Good."
Victor still didn't look up as he walked to the door. A sudden thought occurred to Xavier and he spoke up before Victor could clear the entryway.
"Victor, you can stay here as long as you need too."
His guest paused momentarily in the doorway, but still didn't look back. "Don't worry. I won't be much longer."
With that, the door closed, leaving Xavier to his thoughts, turning more and more to the glowing masses he had seen in Victor's mind.
There was danger ahead. And people would be hurt. This he felt with certainty.
.
.
When he'd gone into Xavier's office, the sun had still been up.
Now, it was dark.
Looking out the windows, at the moon shining over the manicured front lawns of the mansion, he estimated the time to be around ten o'clock.
His mind swarmed with the implications of all that he had learned. During the meld, he hadn't felt or seen anything, but the passage of time showed him the telepath had been at work for some time.
And after he was done, there were still no answers.
Victor was growing restless. He wasn't stupid. For the last several weeks he'd spent his time prowling around the mansion, staying out of sight, trying to figure it out for himself. A part of him had hoped that his time with Xavier would have given him something more. But there was nothing.
He knew he wasn't himself. He was a man, not quite whole.
He'd come with nothing. And now, after tonight, he'd be leaving with nothing.
When he looked up again, he was only mildly surprised.
His feet had walked him back to her door.
One final goodbye, then he'd leave her too, for good. But this time, he'd do it right.