A/N: It's been two weeks since my last chapter. I have really struggled to get this right. I want the characterizations to be right and I want it to not feel like every other story I write. I am clearly overthinking this. Anyway, there is only one more chapter to go. I hope there are people still reading. If you are, I would love to hear from you. Thank you, Sheila

The Mistaken Wolf

Chapter 10

McGee lay in a bed staring out a window while IV's and medications worked to bring his body back into balance. He'd resisted conversation, but Ducky sat with him nonetheless until he saw Fornell watching them from the observation window. He got up to join the agent behind the glass.

"Can't you wait a day?"

"He's conscious. It's best to get it done with as soon as possible. Otherwise, there's a sense of dread. It's fresh in his mind. Let's get it out."

Ducky shook his head. "I don't like it. He's in shock. It's ugly what he lived through. Besides, I think Gibbs would want to be here."

Fornell shook his head. "McGee will probably open better without him here. Sometimes, it's hard to talk around the people you care about the most."

"Getting a little ahead of yourself, Tobias." Gibbs stood behind them with a fresh sling holding his shoulder in place.

Fornell turned. "It might be easier for him to talk without you."

"Well, that's not going to happen."

"Jethro, wait a day."

Gibbs shook his head. "Tobias is right about this. We do it now."

They walked in quietly, but it was clear from the tension in McGee's shoulder that he knew they were here. Still, he didn't turn in their direction. He stared as if mesmerized by the night sky. They moved around the bed until they were in his line of sight. McGee's face was deeply bruised. It was all Fornell could do to not wince at the sight of him.

Gibbs sat in front of him. "Can you talk to us about what happened?"

McGee blinked and shifted his gaze so he wasn't looking at Gibbs.

"We can wait until tomorrow if you'd prefer."

McGee's face didn't move.

Gibbs looked up. "Duck, I guess you were right. We'll wait a day."

He started to get up when McGee spoke in a low voice. "She wouldn't help me until I promised to put her on TV. Told her I would call Oprah."

Gibbs settled back into the chair. "Miss Virginia?"

He nodded.

"Sounds she wasn't exactly a good citizen."

McGee furrowed his brows. "I kept begging her to call 911, but she wanted the rescue to be all hers. I couldn't move and she wouldn't listen."

The helplessness in the memory hung in the air.

Fornell leaned forward. "We found the bolt cutters she used to get your cuffs off."

McGee winced. "She got me to my feet and into the kitchen. I asked for knives. I think I knew what was coming. Then she disappeared. Told she was getting a sweater…it was like we were off to the park or something. He was already down the stairs at that point. I could hear her trying to reason with him."

"Take your time, Tim."

McGee closed his eyes. "I had two steak knives. I got to the living room. I remember her eyes when he dragged the knife across her neck. Then there was blood spurting everywhere, and she screamed an awful noise. So desperate. Running, bumping into things…into me."

Gibbs rubbed a hand across his face and waited.

McGee opened his eyes. "Ziva taught me how to throw. One steak knife was in him and then he was on top of me. I had a knife and he had a knife…I don't remember the rest."

"He beat you up. Do you remember when that happened?"

He started to shake his head, but groaned from the pain. Finally, he said, "I froze in the backseat of the car. Freezing to death is horrible…but then I woke up in the laundry room. Everything hurt. That's when I felt the bruises."

Fornell nodded at Gibbs. "Lobanoff forgot him in the garage. My guess is he came out to have his fun, and McGee was in no condition for it. He probably beat him in frustration."

McGee's breathing quickened. "He raped me?"

Gibbs turned to Ducky. "Did you find anything?"

"There was some evidence of anal tearing, but it wasn't as violent as I anticipated. Certainly not what I would expect from a man like Lobanoff."

McGee's breathing grew ragged. "He did that to me."

"It appears so, Timothy."

Gibbs took a deep breath. "No, he didn't. Lobanoff didn't rape him."

"Jethro, the examination is quite clear—"

"It was me, Duck. McGee and I…we had intercourse the night before he was kidnapped."

Gibbs leaned over to McGee, ignoring Ducky and Fornell's stunned silence. "He didn't hurt you like that. Ducky said it wasn't violent so it had to be what happened between the two of us. It's natural for there to be some tearing the first time you have anal intercourse."

Tim met his eyes for the first time. "Are you sure?"

There seemed to be no place on McGee that wasn't bruised and so Gibbs placed a hand lightly on his face. "I promise you."

"I'm so glad he's dead."

The men looked at one another. Gibbs kept his hand on McGee's cheek. "He's alive or he was when he went into surgery."

McGee seemed to deflate under his touch. He closed his eyes and whispered. "No more talking. Please, no more talking."

Gibbs nodded and turned to Ducky and Tobias. "He needs to rest."

Once outside, the three men walked in silence until Gibbs spotted an open room. They followed him in and he shut the door. "Say what you have to say."

Fornell shook his head. "I'm too stunned to say a single damn thing."

"Really? 'Cause I thought it was particularly clever when you brought up Lobanoff having 'his fun' with McGee. Right in front of him you said that. What the hell!"

"Oh, okay. Well, is that more egregious than sleeping with your subordinate? I know you haven't been doing it for a while 'cause it was his first time, right? So, apparently you were waiting for that moment when he was most vulnerable—'

Gibbs swung at him with his good arm, but Fornell was able to block it easily. Ducky stepped between them. "Enough!"

He pushed Gibbs back and turned to Fornell. "You have what you needed to say, Tobias. It's time to go."

Fornell shook his head in disgust and walked out. Gibbs pushed Ducky away and went to stand at the window. Ducky waited a few moments. "Tobias didn't mean any of that. You took him by surprise. We're all so very tired."

Gibbs sighed. "I took advantage."

"I don't think so. I've watched you hold him at arm's length for eight years. Never understood it. He's the most loyal, endearing kid and you wouldn't let him get close. I've had two theories about that. One was that he reminded you of someone you lost and the other was that you were in love with him. Frankly, I'd always leaned toward the first theory."

"Do we have to do this, Duck?"

"You were both vulnerable and he had just experienced his first sexual encounter with a man. You can't beat yourself up over this. It was inevitable."

Gibbs looked at him. "The morning he was kidnapped, he told me he was in love with me and I didn't respond. Later in the car, I was telling him that he didn't know what he was feeling when Lobanoff rammed us. There are layers and layers to how I'm responsible to what happened to him."

"Oh Jethro. I knew that Timothy's trauma would be a journey, but please don't do this. I know you. You'll withdraw, maybe disappear. Don't do that to him or the rest of us."

"I'm probably the worst thing for him right now."

"No!" Ducky shook his head. "You're not getting off that easy. He needs you. You're not running away from him."

Gibbs sighed. "I slept with him, Duck."

"Yes, you did. It turns out that you're every bit a human being, my friend."

"It was the wrong thing to do."

"I think you love him, Jethro. And I believe that your biggest failing is your unwillingness to tell him." Ducky shook his head at him and walked out.

…

Fornell was in a waiting room on a different floor when Ducky found him. Tobias put up a hand. "I'm too tired for a lecture right now. Jethro and I will fix this when we're damned good and ready."

"I'm not here about that. I want an update on Lobanoff."

"Good. Join me. I'm waiting for the same thing. I hope to hell he died during surgery."

"I won't argue with you. A trial would be very rough for Timothy."

Fornell closed his eyes and sighed. "Especially if the defense gets a hold of info about Gibbs' relationship with him. It makes it look like McGee might've had a consensual relationship with Lobanoff."

"Tobias, would you really deny either of them happiness even if they found it in an unlikely time and place?"

He sighed. "No. Hell, my own brother is gay. I was just surprised…shocked, actually. Maybe, I'm mad too. I was surprised that Lobanoff got the jump on them. Clearly, they were distracted."

Well, for heaven's sakes don't say that to Gibbs. He feels bad enough as it is."

"I imagine he does."

Tobias…" Ducky gave him a warning look.

"No worries. I've done enough damage. I'll leave it alone."

A surgeon came out in his scrubs and the two men stood up. "Did he make it, Doc?"

"Just barely. His liver is ruined."

Ducky stepped forward. "Will he qualify for a transplant?"

The surgeon shrugged. "He's the right age. He's healthy. We've put him on the list."

"He's a murderer!" Fornell said, his arms in the air.

"He's not convicted, Tobias. Until then, he's a viable candidate for a transplant."

"He killed four women and a man, kidnapped a man, and put four men in the hospital. This is going to be a death penalty case."

The surgeon looked at Ducky. "Please explain medical ethics to him. I haven't slept in 36 hours."

Fornell made a face at the surgeon's retreating back and said in a low voice. "And I haven't had more than two hours sleep in four nights, you arrogant son of a bitch."

"Tobias!"

…..

Gibbs woke when the early morning sun streamed through the hospital window. He lifted his head from McGee's bed. His back and neck protested another night spent in a chair. He groaned his age and ran fingers through his hair. He looked down at McGee and found him looking back at him. "I didn't mean to wake you, Tim."

McGee didn't respond. He just watched Gibbs carefully.

"You're going to be okay. It's bad now, but it's going to get better."

Tim furrowed his brows. "How many died? What were all of their names? When I close my eyes, I can only see Miss Virginia. I remember Mary was his first, but I can't remember their names. Who was the girl who got shot when I didn't get out of the car fast enough? I want to remember all of them."

"That's no good, Tim."

McGee studied him again. "What if I never told you about Lobanoff? I thought that was the right thing to do. What if it would've been better to handle it myself?"

Gibbs patted his cheek. "I tried to do this yesterday with Ducky. If I can't blame myself for everything, you can't either. Lobanoff was a monster waiting for his moment. Neither one of us could've known."

"You told them we had intercourse."

The frankness of his tone took Gibbs by surprise. "I couldn't let them think you'd been raped if you hadn't been. I couldn't let you think that either."

Tim watched him closely. "It was just intercourse to you."

Gibbs couldn't meet his eyes. "They needed an accurate description of what happened between us."

McGee reached over and put his hand, bruised and chafed, on Gibbs' face. "What did happen between us?"

Gibbs closed his eyes. "I don't know, Tim. When I think about it, it feels so complicated. It was…at some moments, remarkably beautiful, and at others, an incredible lapse in judgment. I can't seem to separate one thing from another."

McGee dropped his hand. "I see."

"I care about you. I always have."

"Yeah, I've always cared about you too, Boss."

He winced. "I wish I knew what else to say. I wish I knew what to do. The last thing I want is to see you get hurt."

McGee raised his battered wrists. "Hey, there's nothing left on me to hurt."

Gibbs looked down.

McGee bit his lip and then reached over and patted his knee. "It's okay, Boss. I'll be okay."

Gibbs nodded. "I'll come see you tomorrow."

"Ah, do me a favor and give me a few days. I'm sort of desperate for sleep."

He stood up. "You'll call me when you need me?"

"Yeah." McGee closed his eyes and turned away from Gibbs.

Gibbs stopped outside the room and stood at the observation window. McGee's face was turned away from him, but Gibbs felt as if he could see him clearly. The young man was in great pain, and he realized that he, as much as Lobanoff, was the cause of it.

….

The laptop lay unopened on the bed next to him. He'd had left it there hoping he'd get interested in engaging with online friends, but he couldn't imagine what to say to them anymore. He heard the door open behind him and he turned his head slowly.

Ducky smiled. "You're looking good today."

"As compared to what?" McGee turned back to stare at the ceiling.

"They're going to release you tomorrow."

"It's about time."

"Did you meet with the Trauma Counselor today?"

McGee swallowed. "I meet with him every day. You know that."

"He wishes you would open up more."

"I'm processing my kidnapping. Following all the steps necessary to get back to work."

"You have a lot going on, Timothy."

McGee sighed and turned to look at the darkened window.

"Has he come to see you?"

"Who?"

"You know to whom I am referring." Ducky opened the shade.

"I'm not good company."

"He's waiting for your call."

"Well, that's not going to happen, Ducky."

"Timothy-"

McGee put up a hand. "I just…I can't. Please Ducky, I respect you so much, but I can't talk about it."

"Okay. Whatever you say. You know I am here to talk whenever you're ready."

He nodded.

"In fact, I want you to stay at my home for a week or two. Just until you're feeling shipshape."

No. I'm going home alone."

"You know Timothy, there was a time when you wouldn't have dared say no to me."

"I'm not being disrespectful. I just want to be alone."

"Just when you need people the most. It worries me."

"I know how to take care of myself."

"Yes, you've been taking notes from him. Say nothing about your feelings. Keep it all buried inside."

"Ducky, please be the one pleasant moment in my day. Please don't push."

Ducky sat down on the bed and patted his leg. "I wish so very much to help you."

"And if I knew what that looked like, I would tell you. I know you're someone I can count on."

"You have a lot of people in your life like that."

"Not as many as I thought actually."

"You're wrong about him, Timothy."

"I'm getting tired. How about I call you later this week. We'll have coffee." McGee turned away from Ducky and closed his eyes.

…..

He went through the house, checking the basement and upstairs before finding Gibbs sitting on his back deck. "Hey Boss!"

Gibbs turned his head. "DiNozzo."

"What are you doing out here?"

"Just watching the grass grow. How's your rehab?"

"I'm going to be ready for duty in a couple of weeks. How's your shoulder?"

Gibbs nodded. "Good. It's time to get back to work."

Tony sat down in a lawn chair. "I know. I'm climbing the walls at home."

"McGee? How's Tim?"

"Funny you ask, Boss. It used to be when you knew exactly how McGee was doing. A few weeks ago, the two of you were joined at the hip."

"Don't give me a headache, DiNozzo. Just tell me how he is. He's staying with Ducky, right?"

"Nope. He turned Ducky down cold."

Gibbs frowned at him. "Who's staying with him?"

"Nobody."

"What the hell? He doesn't matter to you?"

"You're kidding, right? I've tried everything. I go over every day. Sometimes, he doesn't let me in. When he does, he only lets me stay for a few minutes. Most of the time, he's not there."

"Where is he going, Tony?"

"Well, I put the Israeli on that problem yesterday. Turns out he's hanging out with Fornell. Seems our buddy, Tobias, is obsessed with keeping Lobanoff off the transplant list."

"It takes months, even years to get a liver."

"It's pretty complicated, Boss. There are a lot of factors. He could potentially get a liver before trial. Fornell is trying to get him to trial as fast as possible. The only way to get him off the list is to get Lobanoff the death penalty. Tim went before the grand jury today. Ziva and Ducky are with him."

Gibbs stood. "Why didn't anybody call me?"

"Nobody knows what the hell is going on! Why aren't you talking to him? If I'd known there was a problem, I could've pushed harder. Ducky knows what's going on, but he won't talk to me. So now I'm here and I'm not leaving until you tell me something."

Gibbs rubbed his face and then dragged his chair closer to Tony. "It's not my story to tell. Only he can tell you. I haven't been good for him, Tony, and he needs you now."

"We're still a team, aren't we?"

"That's what I'm hoping for."

Tony frowned. "You say you're not good for him. I don't know what that means, Boss."

"I screwed up, and I gotta' figure out how to fix it."

Tony got up. "I think you better do that, Boss, because I can't fix something I don't understand."

…

Gibbs paced the sidewalk for a moment before going up to the door. It had been bad the last time they talked, and it was time to fix it. Finally, Fornell stepped out the front door and gestured to him. Then he disappeared inside the house. Gibbs cursed and followed him inside. Fornell was in the kitchen starting some coffee. They stood for a few moments regarding each other silently while the coffee finished. Fornell took a couple of mugs out of the cupboard, poured, and handed one to Gibbs. "I was an ass."

"Yup. I was an idiot."

"We good?"

Gibbs sipped. "There was a grand jury today."

"He did fine. They indicted. I stay up nights picturing that son of a bitch getting a liver while someone decent person gets passed over. The system is screwed up."

"Yeah."

"He asked me for a job."

Gibbs focused on his coffee. "What did you say?"

"Are you kidding? He's talent, integrity, and genius rolled up in a single package. I'd give him a 30% raise, do his laundry, and then drive him to work and back home again every day. I dream about agents like him. Of course, I don't dream about him like you dream about him."

"Tobias!"

"Oh, relax. I told him no. I said that you should never leave a job with things unfinished. It follows you. I told him that when you and he were right again, I would take him in a heartbeat."

Gibbs visibly relaxed against the counter.

"You fell in love, Jethro. I don't think I've never really seen that happen to you, and I knew you through two marriages. It took me a few days to see it, but now I do. Now, you have to figure out how to not screw it up."

"I had hoped you'd have the good sense to stay out of this."

Fornell shook his head. "I care about you, Jethro, and I care about the kid too."

"He did okay?"

"He was as sober as a judge. Didn't show any embarrassment. He was terrific. Couldn't have asked for more. Then he went into the john and threw up for ten minutes."

Gibbs winced.

"He's holding too much inside."

"You gotta' help him through that."

"No, Jethro, you have to help him through that. He's holding things in because he's following your example. Besides, the stuff that happened between you is all mixed in with what he faced with Lobanoff."

"I'm the last person he needs."

Fornell rolled his eyes. "You're afraid. Congratulations. It's means you're mortal like the rest of us."

…..

McGee answered the door in sweats and a t-shirt. He blinked at Gibbs. "It's after midnight."

"Then why aren't you sleeping?" The TV blared in the background.

"Trying to figure out how to build a boat without the basement or the bourbon."

"Very funny. Gonna' invite me in."

McGee stepped aside. "What are you doing here, Boss?"

"I told you to call when you needed me." The only light in the room was coming from the TV.

"I'm doing fine."

Gibbs picked up the empty wine bottle. "Sure looks like it."

Tim took it from him and headed into the kitchen. "It took three nights for me to finish one bottle. I'm not drunk."

"There was a grand jury today."

"I know." He called from the kitchen.

"I wasn't there. I should've been there."

"I did fine."

Gibbs sat down on the couch. "You're punishing me and I deserve it, but-"

McGee reappeared. "Punishing you! I'm not punishing you! I'm not calling you because I'm trying to stop feeling things for you. I needed the space."

"You asked Fornell for a job."

McGee sank into a chair across from him. "I thought it would help. I thought it would be better for both of us. I figured you would be relieved."

Gibbs shook his head. "No. I would not be relieved to lose you."

"Sorry. I put that badly. I just thought it would be easier on both of us."

Gibbs looked down at his hands. "I dream about you, Tim. I dream about what it's like to touch you and taste you. I dream about kissing you everywhere and the sounds you make when I tease your nipples. I dream about sleeping next to you and when I wake up and my bed is empty, I feel an ache I haven't felt since I lost Shannon."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because you've convinced yourself that I don't have feelings for you and you're wrong. I want this badly, but I'm scared. I'm scared that I'll screw this up. I've had too many bad marriages and all of them were my fault."

"So we do nothing. We just live with a bunch of 'what ifs'."

Gibbs leaned forward. "Yeah, that was my plan, but that's not working either, is it?"

"I go work for Fornell. The distance will help us."

"Do you want to work for Fornell?"

"Not really."

Gibbs stood up. "Tim, come here."

McGee shook his head.

"Please, I need to know how you're doing."

McGee got up slowly and let Gibbs pull him in. Gibbs snaked his hands under Tim's t-shirt and rested his face in his neck. "The cuts are healing."

Tim sighed. "I'll have scars."

"Badges of courage, Tim, not scars," he murmured into his neck.

"Nightmares?"

Tim nodded.

"That's why you weren't sleeping when I showed up."

"I'm doing the best I can."

"I'm going to help you sleep tonight."

"Boss-"

"Tonight, I'm Jethro."

Gibbs led him into the bedroom. He pulled McGee's t-shirt up over his head. Gibbs pulled his own shirt off. Gently, he pushed him onto the bed and lay down next to him. He too Tim's hand and ran it over a scar on his side. "You've felt this before. Did it feel ugly to you?"

"No," he whispered.

"What do you think when you feel it?"

"It's part of your strength, the mark of a warrior."

Gibbs traced the cuts on McGee's body. "You're a warrior too. You survived all of this and more."

Tim closed his eyes, his breathing ragged. Gibbs pulled his face in, kissing the moisture on his face. "The stronger you feel, the fewer nightmares you'll have."

Gibbs found his mouth and Tim opened to meet him. For a while, they kissed, hands moving lightly over the scars they both shared. Finally Tim pulled away. "We can have tonight, Jethro. I need tonight, but if you want me in your arms again after tonight, you'll have to come to me with certainty in your heart. I won't have anything less."

"I promise you, Tim."

"Then make love to me, Jethro. If this is our last night, we need to make some memories."

Tim slid out of his sweatpants and went to work on Gibbs' pants.

…..

Tim woke to an empty bed. Fear gripped his gut. The night had been so perfect that he'd been sure that Gibbs would wake with confidence that this was right. "Jethro!"

He got up and padded naked into his living room and then his kitchen. The tiny apartment was empty. He cursed and slammed his palm into the refrigerator. He was about to walk away when he saw a note attached under a kitchen magnet. He opened it.

"It was a beautiful night. I haven't felt that close to anyone in a long time. I have to be gone for a while. A couple of weeks at least. I need to put this together in my head. You were right when you said that I could only come to you again when I was sure in my heart that this was right. You deserve that.

Jethro

…..