K2: Moving On Chapter 10
I smiled at Kenny, holding me in his arms. I've been in this place a million times before. Just in his arms. He smiled down at me too, kissing my forehead lightly. "I love you Kyle."
"I love you t-" Before I could finish, my eyes fluttered open. I looked around, confused. This wasn't my room. I was in...a hospital room? I shifted around under the starchy sheets. I looked up and saw many people gathered around my bed. "Umm...what's going on?"
"Kyle..." Butters, Cartman, Tweek, Craig, and a bunch of others were gathered around me. "Kyle...do you know what happened?" I looked at Butters quizzically.
"What are you talking about?" I looked around the group quickly, searching for the only face that was absent. "...Where's Kenny?" Everyone's eyes shifted to the ground. "What? What was that look? Where is he?"
"Kyle...Kenny died..." Craig said somberly. Butters began crying. Tweek moved closer to Craig. Cartman just looked uncomfortable.
"W...what? What are you talking about? Kenny...Kenny's not dead!" I looked around at them, glaring angrily. "Kenny's not dead! Why would you say that? Kenny can't be dead!"
"It was at Stark's Pond...You fell in the water and Kenny jumped in to save you. He got you to safety but he fell in the water before anyone could pull him out..."
"No..." Tears poured over my face. "NO! NO, KENNY'S NOT DEAD! NO!" I began sobbing violently. I didn't even care that I was crying in front of so many people. All I could think about was Kenny. He's dead. My Kenny is dead, and it's all my fault. "All my fault...all my fault..."
"It's not your fault Kyle! There's nothing you could've done. Don't blame yourself." Craig's voice was forceful as his brown eyes bored into mine. But all I could see was Kenny's bright blue ones staring back at me.
"OF COURSE IT'S MY FAULT! HE WAS TRYING TO SAVE ME! HE HAD TO FUCKING SAVE ME! He's dead and it's all my fault! The love of my life is dead!" Before they could respond, the doctor came in.
"Okay everyone, you need to leave now. Kyle needs to get some rest." He ushered the others out. They said their goodbyes and final comments. I didn't hear them. I was only thinking of Kenny.
I sat on the bench at Stark's Pond, crying into my hands. I couldn't look up at the water. The water that had killed him. This was the spot where he confessed his love to me...and this is where he was taken from me. How is it fair? He died for me...like he said he would...but why? I wish I'd died instead.
"This used to be our spot remember?" a voice said behind me. I turned and Stan stood there. He had been smiling, but it slipped away when he saw my face. "Kyle what's wrong?"
"What's wrong? Kenny's fucking dead! That's what's wrong!" I screamed as more tears streamed down my face. I expected Stan to react in surprise, but he only looked confused.
"What are you talking about? I just saw Kenny a few minutes ago at work," he said. I stared at him. "He's fine Kyle." I took off towards the cafe where Kenny works, not believing Stan's sweet words. I clearly saw Kenny die last night. There's no way he can be alive. Is there? I ran into the cafe. Kenny stood there, looking completely normal. Same blonde hair, blue eyes, slightly lanky figure. I gaped. How can he be alive? Was it it couldn t have been a dream he was dead. He smiled at me, but it slowly slipped away as I continued to stare.
"...Kyle? What's wrong?" The sight of him blurred as more tears streamed down my face. "Kyle!" He came out from behind the counter and pulled me close to him. I held on tightly, trying to make sure it was real. "Kyle, talk to me, please. Tell me what's wrong."
"Y...y...you d-d-d-died! I s-saw it! You died and it was all my fault!" I sobbed into his chest. I could barely breathe and I felt unsteady on my feet. Kenny rocked me back and forth, making little shushing noises. "Kenny don't leave me please!" I sobbed harder, unable to continue speaking.
"I won't...I won't...It's okay baby..." When I'd finally gotten control of myself, he started to explain. "Do you remember when I asked if you ever remember me dying?"
"Yeah..." I sniffed, wiping my eyes on the back of my hand. Kenny wiped away the few stray tears I'd missed with his thumb.
"It's because I do die. All the time. But I always come back. Sometimes I'm gone longer than usual, for instance I only came back today, even though I died a few days ago. Sometimes I go to heaven or hell or somewhere else entirely. But I've been dying pretty much since I was born. And no one ever remembers it. I haven't died as often recently though. I think...I think that seeing it the way you did somehow triggered you remembering it. I don't know why but it did. I'm sorry that I scared you..." He crushed me to him.
"So...so you die all the time...And I don't remember?" I asked incredulously. Kenny just shrugged. I could feel the movement of his shoulders. "Are you mad?"
"Mad? Why would I be mad? You couldn't help it," he said quizzically. I looked up at him, trying to make sure he was serious. "I just want to know that you're okay...This isn't too much for you?" I smirked.
"Come on dude. I grew up in this crazy shithole of a town. I can take anything!" Kenny smiled at me, kissing me once again. "So...you die...but you always come back?"
"Yeah. Promise."
I was back at home, waiting for Kenny to get off work. I heard the doorbell ring. I gave the door a confused look. Kenny shouldn't be off yet? I went to see who was there.
"Hey Kyle," Stan said. He didn't smile. He looked concerned. "Are you okay? You were kinda shaken at Stark's Pond earlier..."
"Yeah...I'm fine," I blushed in embarrassment. I hate when people see me cry. "I found Kenny and we talked about what happened."
"That's good." I let Stan in the house. He looked like he wanted to say more. I prompted him with a raised eyebrow. "So...what did happen?" I bit my lip, unsure of what I should say.
"Umm...It's kind of a long story," I mumbled lamely, sitting back down on the couch. Stan waits for me to continue. "I don't really know how to explain it satisfactorily."
"Why did you think he was dead?" he asked bluntly. I looked at the ground, playing with my hat. "Kyle, look at me." I looked up at him. "Whatever you say, I'll believe you."
"I..." I fidgeted a little more. Can I really make it through explaining all this? Just the thought of Kenny dead makes me want to curl up in a ball and weep for all eternity. I guess I owe him some sort of explanation though... "I saw Kenny die last night...At Stark's Pond. He jumped into the water to save me but he fell in and couldn't get out. He died. But Kenny told me he dies all the time, and he always comes back. He said this has been happening ever since we were kids. But no one ever remembers. We don't really know why I remember now but...I do." The look on Stan's face was not what I expected.
"I...remember..." I looked at him, perplexed. "I remember everything. Just...just now. Kenny..." He looked up at me. "Do you remember the time Kenny died of spontaneous combustion? Or the time he got killed by the cult members who worshipped Cthulhu?" I nodded slowly. I remembered everything. "I...I didn't remember 'til now...Why didn't I remember?"
"I didn't remember 'til I saw Kenny die. No one knows why this is going on..." I stared into the distance, lost in thought. "This is so fucking weird..." Stan put his hand on my shoulder. I turned to look at him.
"You sure you're okay?" He smiled a small smile of reassurance at me. I smiled back at him.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Honestly I wish everyone would stop asking me that. I feel worse for Butters actually..." I confessed. Just thinking about Butters puts everything into perspective for me.
"For Butters?" Stan asked. I had forgotten he hadn't been there during Butters's confession.
"Yeah. Butters told us that he had been in love with Kenny for a long time, but he'd never been able to tell him. So he and Cartman were the ones who called you and told you to come back. And...he told us what he said that made you want to come back..." Stan blushed. I felt guilty for bringing it up.
"...I have to go..." he said suddenly, jumping up and heading toward the door. I called after him. He turned as he reached the door. "I have some stuff to take care of."
Stan's POV
I stormed to Cartman's house, pounding on the door to his room. He yelled inaudibly through the door. I kicked it open. "CARTMAN!" He whipped his head around in surprise.
"What do you want now, butt pirate?" he asked. I ground my teeth in anger. To think he'd tricked me so easily! I could see the deception on his face yet I let him off! All because he'd spewed some crap about "missing me".
"You know damn well what! You were the one who called! You and Butters set the whole thing up!" I yelled. Cartman winced at being found out. He didn't even try to hide it. "What the hell was it for, huh? So you could fuck with me? Taunt me with thinking I could have Kyle and then have my hopes crushed?!"
"It wasn't for you, ass munch!" he snapped, glaring at me. His eyes glaze over as he stares at my chest, deep in thought. "...It was for Butters..." he finally confessed, looking at the ground. I was genuinely confused now. "I knew he loved Kenny. I was the only one who knew. He didn't mean for me to find out, but come on, it's Butters. His emotions practically radiate off of him. I saw how depressed he was by him being with Kyle. So I...offered to help him."
"Why the fuck would you help Butters? You used to rip on Butters all the time!" Cartman scoffed at me, rolling his eyes at my lack of information.
"Yeah, well, things change. And I thought if you came back Kyle could be with you and Butters could finally...be with Kenny...and be happy." At that last statement, a single tear escaped from Cartman's eye. I was speechless. I'd never seen Cartman actually cry before. And in that moment it made sense.
"You...you love him don't you?" I asked. Cartman just looked at me. But that was all the answer I needed. He was in love with Butters. "So...why would you bring me back? If Kyle and I and Kenny and Butters were together, wouldn't that be bad for you?" Cartman shrugged, still not meeting my eyes.
"I don't care. I thought that at first too. But I just couldn't bear to see Butters so sad..." I was astonished. Cartman...actually cared about someone else's feelings. More than his own. He must've guessed my thoughts. "People change, Marsh. People always change. Which is why the plan to make Kyle be with you didn't work. I didn't take into consideration how much the two of you have changed." I didn't comment. I didn't know what there was to say. "If you don't mind, I'd like to be alone."
"Sure Cartman...sure," I said. I turned and started to leave. But before I made it to the door, it burst open again. Butters ran in, sobbing. He threw his arms around Cartman and cried into his shoulder. Cartman hugged him back, wide eyed.
"Butters? Butters, what's wrong?" he asked, his voice full of concern. I'd never seen Cartman like this. I guess people really do change.
"K-K-Kenny is dead! I'll never see him again! He's dead and there's nothing I could do!" Cartman's eyes widened at Butters's statement. Before he could say anything, I cut in.
"Butters, Kenny isn't dead." Butters whipped around to look at me. "He died, but he came back. It's this weird thing no one really understands, but he dies and comes back all the time. But he's fine, I promise." Butters's face broke into a giant smile. He turned around and hugged Cartman again. Cartman's face was a mask of pain, but he still hugged Butters back. My heart broke for both of them.
Soon Butters left and I was left alone with Cartman. "You're torturing yourself, being hung up on him like that. Both of you are..." I said. To my surprise, Cartman started laughing. The sound was devoid of any humor though. It was cold and bitter sounding.
"Right. And what exactly are you doing? You and Kyle are 'best buddies'? Super Best Friends? What do you call that?" he asked. I blushed and looked at the ground. He's right after all. "Face it Marsh, you're in the same boat as all of us. We've all been fucked up by Kyle and Kenny being together. If they weren't, you could be with the Jew, Kenny could be with Butters, and I could be alone and selfish again. But because of them, nothing is as it should be."
I desperately didn't want to agree with what Cartman was saying. I didn't want to feel so selfish. "But they're happy...shouldn't they be happy?" I asked. Cartman looked at me like I was stupid.
"You think I give a fuck if they're happy? They'd be happy in any damn relationship. Hell, maybe they'd be even happier if they switched partners. But a lot of other people, mainly me, aren't happy with them being together." I eyed him suspiciously.
"You really want to be alone? Wouldn't you be happier with Butters than you would be alone?" He laughed again, that same empty laugh. He shook his head, still smiling.
"Oh Stan, you are so oblivious. You really think Butters would ever be with someone like me?" His face grew serious, even slightly angry. He gestured to himself. "You think Butters would be attracted to a fat piece of shit like me? 'Cause I don't."
I grimaced slightly. I'm not used to Cartman calling himself fat, quite the opposite actually. I wanted to contradict his statement, but what was there to say? "Cartman...Don't say things like that..."
"Things like what? The truth? And don't you dare fucking tell me it's not true because you, Kyle, Kenny, and everyone else in my life has been telling me it is since the beginning." He didn't seem angry anymore. Just bitter. I sighed and tried to gather my thoughts.
"So you're fat. So what? There's still more to you than that. More that someone could love. So don't give up hope yet!" I couldn't believe I was saying these things, words of encouragement to Cartman. He scoffed at me.
"Hope," he said, making little air quotes around the word. "Is something I gave up a long time ago. It's naive of you to think that you could give it back to me."
"God. You really have changed. The Eric Cartman I knew, no matter how much of an asshole he could be, never gave up on what he wanted. He'd do ANYTHING to get it. What happened to that huh?" Cartman's face grew dark. He ducked his head, casting shadows across his face.
"Get out of my room Stan," he said, his voice a monotone. I turned to leave. When I got to the door I looked back. He was staring out the window, where a pale blue bird sat on a tree branch outside. I wanted to say more, but I didn't know what. I just left him to watch that blue bird fly away. I wonder if it reminded him of someone.