Numb

Summary:RE-WRITE. Eden Sullivan was born with an inability to feel. She refers to her problem as Numb and she's lived her whole life in a state of unfeeling. Since she can remember she's felt disconnected, the failure of her sense of touch keeping her from emotionally connecting with others as well. Until she cuts a deal with the one and only Spot Conlon.

He sat on the stoop of her building for a long time, knowing she had to come home at some point. As the sun began to fall lower in the sky, he saw her for the first time in five days and he watched in fascination as she zipped through the crowd in that quick way she walked. Even though he was angry with her for avoiding him, he couldn't help but feel better seeing her whole and unharmed.

He stood up when her green eyes landed on his blue ones, he was surprised at the way they seemed to light up while her numb shoulders stiffened in a move that betrayed her anxiety. It was so strange how disconnected she thought she was from her body while it continued to give away her inner thoughts and feelings, although he knew it wasn't something that would be obvious to anyone but someone who knew her well, like him.

She reached him just as the sun filtered its final rays between the buildings and she stopped in the brightness of one, the golden light bringing out natural red hues in her mahogany hair. He felt a yearning to reach out and touch it, feel the soft tendrils between his calloused fingers. He met her eyes, as green as summer leaves, and prepared himself for whatever she was going to say about her avoidance the last few days.

"I'm sorry." Her face was smooth, as it usually was when she was anything but happy, but the sincerity was obvious. She never lied to him.

He felt the strange urge to pull her in his arms and ask her never to do it again, but instead he nodded his head and said gruffly, "I undahstand." Which was a half-truth, but part of him was still too raw from the hurt of her avoiding him and he didn't want her to know just how deeply it had pained him. It was better to be a little harsh with her than let her know the whole truth.

The whole truth being something he couldn't even face himself. At least not yet. "Can we tawk?" He asked.

Her eyes scanned his face, trying to look for something but he had blanked it well before he saw her coming home. "Sure, come on up." She led the way up to her apartment, silent as she unlocked the door and they stepped through.

It smelled just like her, everything in the exact place it had been when he was here for her books. A new stack of them were beside her small bed in the corner and he watched as she took off her coat and fell down on the mattress, looking more exhausted than he had realized she was.

"I shouldn't have gotten so angry with Jack." She said, breaking the silence as she sat up on her bed and leaned against the wall. She patted the spot next to her lightly, and he felt a shot of hot desire spike in him at the innocent gesture. Was she even aware that she had just invited a man to sit on her bed? He shook his head, trying to dispel the charged tension within him, knowing logically that Eden wasn't thinking along those lines at all.

But, as he sat beside her, he couldn't help but feel the intimacy of the moment. She was only inches from him, not even the closest she had ever been to him but there was something so much more about them being here together on her bed. This was the place she let herself be most vulnerable. Would she tell him her secrets?

"I got angry with him, too." He told her, finally pulling his thoughts from the current situation and focusing on her and the conversation.

Her head tilted to the side, "Why did you get angry?"

He flexed his hand, where the bruises on his knuckles had faded to a soft yellow. "Ise didn't like how he made you run away. Then, he had the gall ta tell me I don't know nothin' about families."

Her astute gaze took in the bruises, "You punched him?" He noticed her fingers clenched in her lap, although she wouldn't have felt them do that, and he got curious about what that meant.

"Yeah." He gave her a crooked grin, "He desoived it."

She looked away, "Maybe…maybe not. I've spent so much time alone…but, he said somethings about Ma that made me curious."

"Like what?"

Eden's eyes widened, as if she hadn't meant to tell him that, and she paused as she sought the words she wanted to say. He waited, expecting her to tell the truth as always and was surprised when she…lied, "Said she kept some secrets from us. I don't know what they were or how he would know since he was just a year older." She didn't meet his eyes, they gazed to the left of her and her voice was flat, as if she read words from a script. And then she changed the subject, meeting his eyes so he knew that this time she spoke the truth, but it only further proved she'd been lying before, "I didn't mean to avoid you, Spot."

"Then why did ya?" He asked, watching now for a lie. Why couldn't she just tell him her secrets? She had said she trusted him.

Her eyes dropped again, "We had spent that week at the lodging house together and I…I just needed a break."

Another lie. Instead of getting angry, he felt a coldness seep into his body. It felt like all the time they had built up trust and friendship was slowly melting away and they were once again strangers. You only lied when you didn't care about how you were hurting the other person, so why was she even pretending to be his friend?

Or, people lied when they wanted something. He felt suddenly suspicious of her and it hurt like a thorn in his heart as he stayed there beside her as the distance between them grew into a huge, dark chasm.

"What happened before ya left the lodging house that day?" He finally asked, testing her answer. He had been replaying that moment over and over again for nearly a week, would dream of her in that moment alone; the way her hand had felt in his own, the way her eyes had lightened to an unbearably beautiful sage green, the way her breath had sucked in as though she was startled, her soft pink lips parting in wonderment. He had just been about to kiss her when she had pulled away.

She broke his heart when she looked away from him and lied again, "Nothing, I just felt overwhelmed by everything you did to take care of me."

He stood, pulling away from this intimate moment that he would have cherished forever had she not ruined it with her lying. Spot silently cursed himself for falling into this mess. She went away to Queens for a few days and now she was lying to him. It felt better to blame Queens than her, felt better to blame that outside enemy than his own stupidity for trusting someone so much.

"I should leave." He told her, his voice icy enough to put frost on the windows.

Her head shot up to meet his, hurt and confusion clouding those deep green eyes, "Do you have to? Can you stay a little longer? I wanted to talk…" She stood, her gaze level with his, and just becoming aware of the distance between them. "Spot, did I say something wrong?"

At that question, his anger, coiled tightly in the pit of his stomach, snapped to the forefront of that coldness as he comprehended that she didn't know her lying was killing him. She didn't know him at all.

He found himself acting out in a way he wouldn't have normally as he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her to him, his mouth descending on hers swiftly as he stole a kiss.

But, her gasp at the contact kicked in the sexual tension that he had been repeatedly tamping down for the last few weeks and what was supposed to be only a quick, stolen kiss turned into an all-consuming takeover of her mouth.

Spot had risen from my bed, his face so tightly controlled, yet his eyes ablaze with what looked like betrayal and I had no idea what I did to cause the sudden gaping distance between us. "I should leave." His tone was so cold, so detached.

"Do you have to? Can you stay a little longer? I wanted to talk…" About Slips. I wanted to tell him about my new friend, about how I had finally met another person who I felt normal around, but clearly he didn't want to hear it. So, I stood and asked him, tentatively, "Spot, did I say something wrong?" I knew I had lied, but how could he know? And what was I supposed to tell him, that I was a freak? That I couldn't feel a fucking thing? How was he going to handle that news?

Before I could even absorb the shift of his face, his arm shot out, and he dragged me to him in a way that was entirely alien to me, yet the moment his lips met mine…

My world blazed to life.

I gasped, surprised at the sudden overwhelming wave of feeling. The arm wrapped around my waist was so warm, his lips soft and prodding as they moved against my own, and the heat and…was this desire? It pooled in the pit of my stomach, had me aching and needing for things I had no real knowledge of.

But, I knew I needed more of this, needed to feel more of him, so I clawed his tucked shirt from his trousers and moaned as my hands touched his unbearably warm skin. It was the right thing to do, because he deepened the kiss, surprising me as he gently coaxed my mouth open with his tongue.

His other hand came up and gently cradled my face just as he broke the kiss. He kept his forehead pressed to mine, his eyes shut as he breathed and I opened my eyes to search his face. I didn't want him to let go, I wanted to hold onto these feelings, to know everything normal people felt on a daily basis. I had been too scared of it all before, but now I knew I needed this. I needed Spot and for more than just his steady friendship, his quiet, dry humor, and his very presence which calmed me in a way I hadn't known before him.

Most of all, I needed him for this. He was my connection, my gateway to normalcy. I knew I could never completely feel, but with him…I had a chance. "Spot, I…" I was going to tell him my secret; the words were just forming when he jerked away from me so suddenly, so completely that once again I felt the sting of nothingness. Numbness.

"I have to leave. I can't stay here while ya spill more lies." His blue eyes were wild in a way I had never seen before and I took a step back.

"I'm sorry-"

He shook his head aggressively and turned to leave, "No ya not or you wouldn't have done it. Ya don't lie ta people ya care about…so, maybe ya don't care about me."

Before I could open my mouth, he was out the door, slamming it behind him and jarring my ears as it rang in the silence.

A/N: Guys, this chapter caught me completely off guard and it's my current favorite. I hope it's a favorite of all of yours, too! Drop me a review since I updates so quickly!

Truly,

Joker is Poker with a J~