Summary: Bucky is getting used to life after Civil War, being reunited with Steve and living with the Avengers. He knows that there's something Steve's not telling him.
He's been making progress. Or so, everybody tells him. He doens't know if they are just encouraging him for the sake of his mental stability, or if they are praising him for being on the recovery path and always getting up after a panick attack or a night full of terror.
One thing is certain: he feels better than he ever felt in the last 70 years.
After making amends with Tony Stark and the rest of the team, he and Steve moved in the Avengers Tower, even though Steve insisted on having their privacy, declaring that maybe living alone, just the two of them, would do Bucky better, but Bucky was having no one of that. He already felt bad enough about all the shit that happened with the Avengers, the last thing he wanted was to separate Steve from his team again.
They were his family and he knew that Steve loved each of them in his own way.
So he made an effort, getting used to them, talking to them and getting to know them better. He liked them. He liked Natasha's sharp mind and protective behaviour. He liked Clint's dog, Lucky, and the man's style and how competitve the two of them could get - with Clint being Hawkeye and Bucky a sniper, there were always darts games. F.R.I.D.A.Y. was keeping a score. He liked Tony's wit and his sarcasm and even though they bickered back and forth, Bucky knew that Tony held some affection for him as well.
Vision was awesome, with a really dry sense of humour and Wanda was a sweetheart and she had the kindest smile and the biggest heart.
And Sam...well, Sam was a bit of an asshole, always teasing Bucky that he's been replaced in Steve's heart and that he was best friend number 2, Bucket. But that's the thing. Bucky was a bit of an asshole too, so everytime he went running with Steve and Sam, he would shove the guy aside and yell on your right before speeding and stucking his middle finger in the air for Sam to see.
It made Steve laugh and that sound made him happy. It made him feel like home.
Steve had been the most helpful, of course. Staying with Bucky through weeks of silence and then listening as Bucky talked his ear off when he was ready to do so. He made Bucky feel complete, even though his arm was missing and was replaced by the metal one.
Steve was there through all the nightmares, holding Bucky in his arms, or just being a presence in his room when the ex assassin didn't want to be touched. Always sending him for a hot shower so Bucky could return to clean sheets and a glass of warm milk with honey on his nightstand.
He was there to make sure that Bucky slept enough, that he ate properly or that he was dressed warmly. Steve talked to him about their past, everything that there was to know and Bucky was so content with the smile on his best friend's face when he talked about good old days.
Steve was his rock. His best friend and the only home he'd ever known.
And that's why he was pretty sure his best friend was lying to him.
Okay, maybe not lie lie to him, but he was definetly hiding something from Bucky. He figured that one out when they were out on a warm summer night, sitting on a bench in Central Park and sharing a bottle of expensive wine between them, talking and laughing and watching as adults and kids and pets were strolling in the park, never once sparing a glance in the direction of the two supersoldiers.
Steve was in the middle of a funny story, something from the army that Bucky couldn't remember only to stop mid sentence, blush and duck his head before changing the subject.
Bucky didn't realize that until it happened again.
And again.
And again.
Same pattern.
"Is there something wrong? You never finish these stories anymore." Bucky said one day and Steve simply smiled at him, kinda embarassed and bashful.
"Everything's alright, Buck. You don't want to hear the rest of it" Steve would reply.
Except that he did. He wanted to hear the ending of those stories. He wanted to remember.
So he did the only logical thing that went to his mind at that point. He went to Wanda to ask for her help. Bucky knew about the girl's powers and Steve told him once about what she was able to do to them, back when she was fighting against the Avengers.
He found her by the pool, legs in the warm water with Vision floating around and making her laugh. Bucky hated to interrupt such an intimate moment, but he really needed her help.
"Hey, guys!" he waved, startling both of them. Wanda grinned, putting a hand over her eyes so she could look at him better. Vision simply nodded, a polite smile on his lips.
"Hi yourself. How are you, soldier?"
Bucky smiled, she was such a great kid.
"Not too bad, but I have a favour to ask."
"Me?" Wanda looked surprised, but gestured for him to continue.
"I don't know much about how your power work, but I do know that it's something about mind control, is that right?"
"That is correct. Why?"
"I need you to help me remember something."
Wanda sighed, closing her eyes. A sad look crossing her face before she opened her eyes again, staring up at him.
"Bucky..." she whispered.
"Please. I know...I know that it's a lot to ask, but I don't know what to do. I have to look inside my head. Steve's been hiding something from me and it's fucking driving me crazy."
"Okay. Okay, I'll help you."
Bucky debated for a second while she got out of the pool, drying her feet on a towel and putting on a summer dress.
"Do you trust Vision?" he asked, out of the blue, and the two of them froze. Vision was standing there awkwardly, looking over Wanda who took only a second to answer.
"Yes."
"Good, then come with us, Vision."
"Why?" he asked.
"Because if something goes wrong and my Winter Soldier memories get triggered I need you to knock me down before I hurt her."
Hurting Wanda was the last thing he wanted to do.
"Relax, alright? If you're at peace it'll be easier for me to get inside your head." Wanda whispered, caressing his hair softly. "If you're relaxed the memories will come to you, otherwise I'll have to force them out of you, and I don't want that."
"Alright." Bucky breathed out, closing his eyes and forcing his body to relax. He was comfortable lying down on Wanda's bed and a few minutes later he was already starting to doze off.
"Are you ready?" she whispered again.
"Yes."
A warm feeling spread inside his chest, going up and down and forcing a smile on his lips. It was kind of good. Wanda's soft voice was lulling him to sleep. Almost forcing him to dream.
He saw snippets of the most recent memories. Of his days as the Winter Soldier and from the army. It felt like he was in a movie theater, every imagine going through him fast, until it stopped at something, and Bucky was pretty sure that he lost the contact with the world. Falling deeper in a dream filled sleep.
\
"You know, Stevie, I think you're the most beautiful fella I have ever seen." Bucky said, smirking down at Steve and forcing a laugh out of that pretty mouth when he started to tickle him again.
"I think you're feeling bad for having me at your mercy." Steve said between giggles.
"Oh, Stevie, I'd rather be me at your mercy."
\
"I'm with you to the end of the line. Always have, always will." Bucky whispered, clasping a hand on Steve's shoulder.
"I know...Me too."
\
"You shouldn't have ditched Clarice for me, Bucky. She was a nice girl, I'm sure she would have been more than willing to go home with you tonight." Steve sighed, opening the door of their shared apartment. Bucky let out a dry laugh.
"I don't give a flying fuck. She insulted you."
"Oh, c'mon, she ain't the first!"
Bucky glared at him.
"No one insults my Stevie."
\
"Tell me that you don't feel the same about me, Steve. Tell me that everytime I caught you staring it was because you zooned out. Tell me that every drawing that you've made of me was just for practice. Tell me that you haven't been in love with my for as long as you can remember and so help me God, I will leave you alone."
"I can't. You know I can't." Steve cried out.
"Then what is it?"
"It's wrong. It's...we weren't raised like that. God..."
"Steven Grant Rogers, I'd turn the fucking Hell upside down if that'll mean I get to be with you the way I want to be with you."
\
"You're a punk."
"Jerk." a pause and then Steve's soft voice whispering in his ear. "I love you so much, sweetheart. Don't win the war until I get there."
Bucky beamed at him, dropping a wet kiss on his lover's lips.
"Yes, Captain. I love you too, babydoll."
\
"Did it hurt?"
"Yes."
"Is it permanent?"
"So far."
"I missed you."
"I missed you so fucking much, Bucky."
He opened his eyes with a gasp, tears instantly burning in his eyes and the sob that managed to escape from his lips was heartbreaking. Bucky sat up, crying in the palms of his hands while Wanda was rubbing circles on his back, speaking to him softly.
"Did I do something bad?" Bucky whispered, tears still runing on his face.
"No."
"I have to go..."
He sat up, ignoring both Vision and Wanda and waited for the elavator while he pulled out his phone. He had a new message from Steve, asking him about where he was and that he was with the gang in the common area. Bucky took the elevator, pressed the button for the common area and cleared his face with the back of his hand. It was in vain. Anyone could see that he'd been crying.
The elevator stopped with a ding and the first person Bucky saw staying on the couch was Steve, with his sketchbook opened on his lap, a pen behind his ear while he was laughing with Clint and Tony about something.
Someone was cooking and his guess was that it was Sam or Natasha.
Bucky didn't want to make a scene in front of them, but he couldn't help himself. He was curious and heartbroken and he wanted an explanation.
"Bucky!" Steve grinned, only to frown when he got a better look at Bucky's face. He raised from the couch as Bucky took three more steps towards him. "Buck? What happened? Are you - "
He didn't get to finish his sentence because Bucky slapped him right across the face. Making Steve turn his head and gasping in shock.
"How dare you hide the fact that we've been together from me?" Bucky asked and he had the imense pleasure of watching Steve flinch from the pain and the tone of Bucky's voice. "That's why you never finished those stories, yeah? Because we always ended up kissing in them, right? I. Remember. All. Of. It."
"Bucky..." Steve whispered.
"How could you, Steve?"
"I'm sorry."
"Is that the only thing you have to say?"
A pained look crossed Steve's face.
"I'm sorry, Bucky. I am. I really am. I never told you because...Because I didn't want to make you uncomfortable. I couldn't just drop the bomb and let you deal with it. I hoped...I hoped that maybe the feelings will come to you eventually. That you'll remember everything. I couldn't force my love on you, Bucky. I just got you back, what if I would have lost you again? It wasn't fair for me to keep this a secret for you, forgive me, and I know that it sounds like I would have made you come to me again, like you did all those years ago, but it had to be your choice. It had to be you remembering that you've loved me. That we loved each other. Not me infilitrating the thought inside your head. It wouldn't have been right."
Bucky was looking and him and he understood that once again Steve was doing what was right for Bucky. Putting him first even though it must have been hard for Steve to act like they were just best friends. He did it. Because he loved Bucky.
"You're a punk, did I ever told you that?"
Steve smiled, blushing and ducking his head just a little.
"Jerk."