Author's Note: Thank you so much to my betas on this chapter, Mac and Lumedog7. Also to DoUTrustMe and Katinki for pre-reading. Just a warning, there's a taboo I kind of touch upon at the end of this chapter. I have no clue how to write a disclaimer for it. Um, do you know katinki? She wrote Renfield and Chiclets? This was her note: "jesus god vomiting a little here." It's never my intention to offend.

When he sucks you deep,

Sometimes you're nothing but meat.

-Tori Amos, Blood Roses

No. I didn't really see her - the woman, her dark hair curling at the nape of her neck, wet with blood. Her body arched off the ground, convulsing as Edward kept his finger on her carotid artery, trying to close the wound.

Careful so as not to get any blood on me, I stepped over her leg and knelt beside Edward, placing my hand on the small of his back, breathing - just breathing. He felt odd - hot against my skin - sending a shock of warmth up my arm and into my lungs, calming my racing heart.

Her blood warmed his body to a human temperature, but he never looked more like a monster. I shuddered but not entirely with fear.

"You did this for me." My voice shook.

"Don't blame yourself-"

"Because you thought she'd hurt me?"

"You cried out," he said carefully, a violent emotion seeming to tear through his chest as he snarled out something akin to a sob. "The instinct to protect you took over. I'm so sorry, I-"

"Please, Edward, don't castigate yourself. I can't handle it right now." I rubbed my sore temples and stared at the blood-splattered wall, red roses against a stark canvas.

He gave me roses...

He needed to end this now, to put her out of her misery and kill her quickly, mercifully. If he didn't she could become like them . . . a vampire. Wasn't that how Carlisle was changed - from a vampire bite?

The sooner he took care of her, the sooner she'd be at peace . . . and I'd find solace too. Despite the blood soaking his shirt and the carnage on the floor in front of him, my body burned and ached for contact with him . . . skin to skin.

A quiet voice in my mind pleaded with me to be rational, to take stock of the situation . . . to really look at the woman on the ground and make the right decision. Was there really no way to save her? My throat tightened, a sob trying to force its way through. The words sat on the tip of my tongue, but Edward spoke before I could find my voice.

"It's not a clean wound. There's no way to get the venom out of her system in time."

"Will the venom kill her?" I barely whispered.

"Change her. Unless she dies first."

Desire and self preservation screamed louder than that little church mouse squeak of sanity.

Not human, I told myself, my inner-dialogue sounding strangely like Rosalie. Just a monster or meat. She's already gone.

"Kill her," I told him again, doing my damnedest to ignore the terrible guilt churning inside my stomach. This wasn't my fault - her death. Like a petal on the mercy of the wind, a force beyond my control guided me, and I landed in a war zone. My instincts dictated my actions; having lost everything else, I clung to them.

Not human, not human, not human . . .

"Bella," Edward growled, his eyes obsidian, looking very much like the monster I accused him of being. "I could try. Perhaps if I wrap the wound and-"

"And what? Call an ambulance?" My logical mind took over: the girl would tell on Edward if she lived, and he'd be taken from me. If she turned, she'd probably kill everyone. Neither option was viable.

"She's suffering . . . and we're going to get caught." Tears fell down my cheeks, but my voice stayed remarkably calm. "I'm in charge, you said."

"You don't really want me to do this," he hissed, and his face contorted as a spray of blood escaped from the wound, the hollow beneath his cheekbones growing more pronounced, his eyes narrowing into slits.

"There's no choice, Edward. Kill her. Do it quickly."

He nodded, the decision made easily because he wanted her. His eyes glistened with triumph as he drew his upper lip high over his teeth. "Don't look . . . wait for me outside the door. Don't let anyone in."

But my feet remained firmly planted to the floor.

"Don't look," he begged again, the fangs straining over his lips making it difficult for him to speak. I didn't want to look at him in this state, but my need to be near him made it impossible to think clearly.

"I don't want to leave you," I said pathetically. Even covered in gore - his body contorted in its predatory state - my entire being craved him.

"You need to, love. You need to be on the other side of the door while I take care of . . . this situation. Just stand outside. I'm not leaving you. I promise."

He was right. I needed to act as a sentry. Reason couldn't be denied. "Okay," I said softly, stopping at the sink to wash my hands. "I'll be outside the door . . . what will happen to the body?"

"I'll clean up the mess," he said simply, tearing his eyes away from his prey to look at me. "Everything will be fine, Bella. This isn't your fault."

I nodded, walking slowly, heavily as if the room was full of water. Opening the door, I repeated the mantra in my mind: not human, not human, not human . . . but the words were lies.

Shit, what now? What could I do but wait? Also, how would we leave without being noticed? Edward's shirt was covered in blood.

The overhead lights no longer seemed as bright because I'd developed tunnel vision. A jacket hung on a chair to my immediate right, dark and heavy, guarded only by a toddler in a high chair. Without thinking I lunged for it, nearly tripping and hitting my head on the chair. The little girl smiled and waved at me as I balled up the coat and stuck it under my shirt, leaving a ridiculous bulge over my abdomen.

"Hi," I said, smiling mechanically. "Where's your mommy?"

"Dada get nappies," she replied with surprising clarity.

"Alice?" I heard a man call.

"Dada!" she squealed in reply, giggling.

"Shit!" I rearranged the coat so it looked more like a pregnant belly. Did her father see me steal his jacket? "Nice meeting you, Alice," I said quickly, turning my back to her.

"Buh-byeeee!" I heard her laugh as I took cautious steps back toward the bathroom, slumping my shoulders forward and holding onto the bundle in my shirt. When I reached the safety of the door, I peeked back. Alice's dada afforded me a mildly quizzical glance before directing his attention back to the little girl. She chirped like a baby bird, dipping her fries in ketchup.

Sighing, I pressed my back to the wall, imagining my body flush against Edward's cool chest, his arms wrapped around me. Had anyone heard what happened in the bathroom - what was happening? I cautioned a glance at the patrons in my immediate vicinity. The man and boy I'd seen moments before I'd gone to the bathroom were gone, their garbage still on the table. In the centre of the room, a gaggle of teenagers swore and snickered at something.

"Fucking hurry up, Jenny!" a girl with pink hair yelled across the restaurant, looking right at me.

"Edward," I whispered, every cell in my body trembling in terror.

"Almost . . . done," he replied, opening the door a crack so I could hear him, the gentle tone of his voice at odds with the snarls that immediately followed.

What was he doing in there? How long did it take to kill- to dispose of a dead body? I'd thought he possessed weird vampire stealth and speed.

Oh, god . . . what was he doing to her? Like the rabbit, would he break her neck before draining her completely? Bile rose to my throat as I thought of her pale skin and crimson-tinged hair. She could have been me if things between Edward and I were different - if he hadn't felt the pull of our connection when he first found me on the floor of the convenience store. Maybe he would have killed me too.

I thought of my father then. Had we ever been like little Alice and her dad? My death would have destroyed him. What would he have done if my remains were found with Mike's and Jessica's?

If I'd died, this random woman wouldn't have.

Who would mourn her? Did she have parents? Oh, god, a child? I looked back at baby Alice and her carefree smile. Was she motherless now?

Terrible thoughts buzzed in my head like a swarm of bees, the noise reaching a maddening crescendo that made me want to scream to block it out. I squeezed my eyes shut and yelped, feeling a shadow darken the space in front of me, the light invading my lids dulling.

"Hey, psycho!" a girl yelled only inches away from my face, dragging me out of my downward spiral of horror. I opened my eyes and blinked furiously as she waved her hand in front of them.

"You can't go in," I said quickly, fully cognizant of the fact I sounded insane.

"Fuck off. I have to pee," she spat.

Emboldened by anger and adrenaline, I pushed my shoulders back and placed my hand on her arm. "Use the men's. My friend is really fucked up in there, and I promised I wouldn't let anyone in."

"Bullshit. My friend's in there right now." She grabbed my arm and wrenched it behind my back. "Get the fuck away from the door."

"You're mistaken," I hissed.

"Sally!" Edward groaned loudly from inside the bathroom. "I'm still defecating."

What? Did he just say 'defecating'?

"Um . . . hang in there . . . Jim," I stuttered. "Just keep . . . pooping."

"The fuck?" the girl gasped.

"We went to Taco Bell for lunch. Must've been a bad burrito or something."

She clicked her tongue ring against the roof of her mouth thoughtfully. "Where's Jenny?" she asked finally.

"I told you, no one else is in there. Just Jim. And he's got the squirts, so you really don't want to go in there."

"That bitch better not have ditched me again."

"Sorry. I think she did."

The girl stormed back to her table, muttering "cunt" under her breath.

I opened the door and stepped back in to the small bathroom. Edward smiled vaguely at me, his eyes dark.

He wedged a garbage can under the doorknob so it couldn't be turned from the outside. "I couldn't get the blood out of my shirt," he said apologetically.

"It's okay - I got you a jacket. Where's the body?"

"Gone," he replied automatically, washing his hands with vigour until the water drained clear.

"I don't understand. Gone where?" I couldn't see a window anywhere. Did he somehow manage to stuff it inside the air vent?

"All inconsumable waste was flushed. May I have that jacket, Bella?"

"You flushed the body?" I asked incredulously. "How did you manage that?"

He shrugged the jacket over his shoulder and said in a dismissive tone, "By grinding it into dust with my teeth. Well, the bones became dust . . . the organs were more of a paste. Do you really want these details?"

"No." I swallowed thickly. "The floor and walls are clean."

"I'm very fast." He sounded miserable. I tried to grab his arm, but he side-stepped me, moving just beyond my reach.

"Edward . . ." I tried not to sob, but the rejection stung.

"Let's get that cheeseburger, love."

"But-"

"We're not leaving without it," he growled, the feral noise reverberating off the walls of the eerily clean bathroom.

xxxx

The motel room boasted two double beds with tacky floral print comforters and equally appalling paintings of seascapes on the wall, but it smelled clean, which filled me with a strange sense of hope, despite Edward's sombre expression.

"What's wrong?" I asked quietly.

"I'm going to take a shower," Edward replied, ignoring the question.

I unzipped the small bag he brought in from the car and recoiled as stale air wafted out. It smelled like rotting pine and mildew, just like his house did. Christ, I wanted to burn it.

"There are a few outfits for you to wear and some warm pajamas. We'll go shopping for more clothing as soon as you feel up to it."

I pulled a flannel nightshirt out of the bag and frowned. "Is this Rosalie's?"

"I . . . yes. I'm sorry; her wardrobe was my only option." He cast his gaze to the floor and unbuttoned his stained shirt, exposing taut, pale skin over lean muscle. I stared, fixated by the way his stomach rippled as he turned away from me.

"Edward," I whispered with uncertainty.

"Don't look at me." He sounded mournful.

"Why?"

"The disgust . . . I know what you think of me." His shoulders hunched in shame.

He'd mistaken my lust for repulsion? I should have been sickened by what he'd done to that woman, but my body screamed for him, drowning out reason.

"I don't think you have any clue what I'm thinking right now." I laughed, slowly walking towards him. "If you had any clue at all . . ." He'd probably chastise me for being a woman of loose virtue. He wanted me, but every time I tried to touch him he responded as if I'd besmirched him.

"I'd what?" He turned around and went straight for my proverbial jugular by staring directly into my eyes. My knees buckled, butterflies rising in my stomach and spreading warmth throughout my body.

"I'm not sure. Maybe run screaming from me." I licked my lips, feeling the apex of my thighs becoming wet.

"I don't think that's how I would react," he said smoothly.

"I don't want to be alone." I peeled the jacket off my back and lifted the hem of my shirt over my head with slow, nervous fingers. "Can I come into the shower with you?"

"Bella," he whispered, capturing my hands - at first I thought to restrain me so I couldn't undress. "I've been trying to be a gentleman. Is that not what you want?" His breath husky against my cheek tickled my skin as me brought his hands to the clasp of my bra. "I'd very much like to finish undressing you."

"Me too." I tried to sound seductive, but my voice came out too young and unsure.

He brought his lips to my nipple, licking it tentatively. I threw my head back and moaned, the sensation making moisture drip down my leg.

How could I be this wet?

"I'm dizzy, Bella. This is too much . . . I want too much." He dropped to his knees and licked a cool line down the inside of my thigh. "Your taste . . ." His groan transformed into a chorus of snarls. I tugged at his hair, crying out at his insistent tongue.

"Higher," I begged, writhing and tilting my hips toward his him like a flower bud seeking sunlight. I opened and bloomed, warm liquid pouring down my leg like honey.

Honey.

I opened my eyes and looked down. Edward's tongue lapped at rivulets of blood as it dripped down my leg.

"You bit me?" I gasped, staggering backwards. "I'm going to die . . . I thought you loved me," I cried plaintively.

Not human!

"No, love . . . I'd never hurt you."

"Then what?"

"You're menstruating."

A/N Sorry, sorry, sorry! I'm waiting for the squicked reviewers to throw tampons at me (ewwwww).

FFn made it nearly impossible to reply to reviews last week. I think I managed half of them. Some of you have your profiles set so that I can't reply. I'm going to reply to all reviews of this chapter! It'll be nonsensical drivel though.

Soooooo . . . how are you?