Chapter Ten

Jasper

Now, what the hell was I going to do? I'd alienated my mate, destroyed my only real friendships and here I was alone in Cheyenne and destined to stay that way for the next few years with this feeling of loneliness driving me crazy. The job I had was merely a stop gap and it was boring me to death. I was seriously considering going back to college to get another degree. This time in something more challenging like chemistry or physics and then I got a life-saving call from Emmett.

"You OK Jazz man? Rosie and I were worried. It's been too long since we got together. I don't know where you are but we're off on a whitewater rafting vacation and thought if you aren't busy you might like to join us. If so, meet us at the New River Cabins off Route 19, Fayetteville, West Virginia. We leave in a week. Hope to see you, tough guy."

He had no idea how much I needed to hear that, friendly faces and a change of pace. Most of all it would take my mind off Bella and the Whitlocks. I would give up my job and when the vacation was over I would make a concerted effort to sort out a college for the fall and not one in Nebraska, in fact, I'd get as far away from temptation as possible, maybe I'd try Alaska or Florida even!

I hated to think that Peter and I were on opposite sides of the fence, we'd been the best of friends for more than a century, but I had to admit I could never forgive his suspicions about my actions. How could he possibly have believed me capable of taking advantage of a sixteen-year-old child under his protection? Surely he knew me better than that? Well, obviously not. So, to hell with him and his precious family.

Bella

I heard what was said in the next room, I'd only pretended to be asleep when mom came to check on me. My plan had worked, maybe not exactly the way I had wanted. No one wanted to hear they were a stupid kid who needed to grow up, but as I had already decided if I couldn't seduce Jasper and ruin his friendship with my 'parents' that way I would destroy it another.

My mom was absolutely gutted by pop's reaction, but it had been just what I wanted. It had been easy to see how much they valued their friendship with Jasper. In fact, he was the only person I had ever seen them relax around, they loved and trusted him just as I had loved and trusted them. Let them feel the pain I now felt at finding out I had been wrong all along.

Pop would never forgive Jasper for what he believed his friend had done and he did believe me even if I had been a thorough bitch for the last year.

What I wanted more than ever was to get away from here, from the people I had once loved and trusted, but now despised and maybe even travel up to Forks to meet my real dad. I had been saving hard, but it would take forever to get enough together for such a trip and my 'parents' would probably call the cops if I just disappeared, it was just my luck to live in one of the few states where it was illegal to run away from home!

I didn't tell anyone at school what had happened, my friends were full of how hot Jasper was and how lucky I was to have parents with a friend like that. Let them carry on believing that.

Ash alone seemed to understand something was wrong, but when she asked me if I wanted to talk about it I shrugged it off as parent problems, we all had those, and she knew I wasn't happy at home these days. I'd had to tell her something when I asked her to help me get Jasper alone so I said I wanted to upset my parents by getting their friend in trouble with them. I don't know if she believed me or if she thought I was just too embarrassed to admit I wanted to try it on with him.

"Tell me about it. My mom just broke up with her latest boyfriend, I found out when I got home from your party. She threw him out after he slugged her, now she's got a huge black eye and can't go to work. Who wants to be served a beer by a woman who looks like a freaking panda? I guess that means we'll be living on soup and toast for a week again."

"Was he nice to you? Alec, I mean."

She shrugged.

"He yelled and said I was in the way, but I'm used to that crap by now. Mom woulda kicked him out the door if he laid a finger on me. You're lucky that way, Bella."

I made a face, but I still wasn't prepared to talk about my own drama.

The day dragged on endlessly, especially as Natalie and my other friends could talk about nothing but Jasper and my party. Every time I heard his name it was like a dagger to my heart and I could hear his cruel words again, but it had been worth it to see the hurt in my 'parents' eyes.

Pop picked me up from school, the garage was still waiting for the new tire to come in and he wouldn't let me drive my car until it was on. At least that's what he said, but personally, I thought maybe he expected Jasper to be lurking about, was he for real? Maybe he didn't hear what the creep said to me or maybe he wanted a chance to talk it out man to man now he'd cooled down. If he did turn up I'd scream and kick him right in the groin, see how he liked that! It should put pop right about what happened.

Mom asked me if I wanted to talk about the party again that night, but I shook my head, trying to look hurt but casual about it.

"There's nothing to talk about mom. Anyhow, I have homework to do and I want to watch the film on at nine, it's supposed to be really creepy."

Mom rolled her eyes just as I had known she would.

"In that case watch it in your room, you know how pop gets if he finds out you're watching horror movies."

That got me out of sitting with them this evening, something I avoided whenever possible and Sooty and I curled up on my bed to watch Interview with a Vampire.

The following evening I did what I did as often as I could these days and avoided my 'parents' by staying over at Ash's place supposedly so we could work on our science project together.

Her mom was there, hiding from everyone until her latest black eye, courtesy of her last ex-boyfriend, faded and helping the pain and humiliation go away with the aid of a bottle. An empty one stood on the kitchen counter and dirty dishes were piled in the sink.

She asked me to thank my mom for the chilli bake and garlic bread she'd sent with me, looking at the empty cupboards and refrigerator with only a bottle of milk and a shriveled lemon in it. I could understand why they fell on it and devoured the lot.

It made me wonder if I'd remained with my real mom would I have ended up in a small shabby apartment with empty cupboards and an alcoholic mother? Maybe she'd done me a favor by leaving me with Peter and Charlotte if indeed she had. I wondered if I would find a guy who loved me as much as Pop did mom? Or was I doomed to repeat the failures of my biological mother? Looking around me, I prayed not, I didn't want to end up here, alone, unloved, and barely scraping by.

I helped Ash to tidy up a bit, do the dishes and throw out the trash, mainly empty bottles, and old take-out cartons and then we settled down to talk while Deb's, Ash's mom, turned on the TV, poured herself another drink, and lit a cigarette. Funny, she had no money for food, but enough for alcohol and smokes? Some people had their priorities all screwed up.

I must have been daydreaming because suddenly Ash nudged me.

"Did you hear me? I said there's one of those religious meetings this weekend at the park in town. You wanna go?"

I turned to her perplexed, convinced I had misheard her. A religious meeting?

"Why?"

She smiled and winked conspiratorially.

"Because there will be a barbecue afterward meaning free food and drink and last time one came through there were a couple of really nice guys with them. Come on, it'll be fun."

I agreed mainly because there wasn't much to do at weekends and I was glad for an excuse to get away from home.

Then I made a face.

"Pop won't like it. He's such a bore about me going out these days."

She grinned.

"Then tell him you're staying here with me. Mom won't mind, she'll be back to work by Saturday so we'll have the apartment to ourselves. We can go window shopping Saturday and then to the park Sunday. Please say you will. Go on."

As expected pop wasn't keen on my staying over at Ashley's house, but my mom talked him around, especially when I told them we were going to finish our science project. Pop was paranoid these days. He always assumed I was going out to meet some guy, but that was rarely the case.

I had tried dating one guy from my class, one of the jocks with blonde hair and a rugged look, my type every time. He had been sweet to begin with, he took me out to the movies, for lunch at the diner and then suddenly he turned. I wasn't willing to give him what he wanted, I wasn't that type of girl and I ended up two miles from home on the road in floods of tears and had to walk the rest of the way. I didn't tell mom and pop. I was sure pop would go find him and probably break his leg or something.

Another guy asked me out, but when I asked him why he told me he thought I looked sad, like I might want some company and he and his friends were going to the old abandoned mill to a party. I understood only too well what he wanted and when I declined he told all his friends I was a prick teaser. Hell, I didn't even know what one of those was until Ashley explained and then I was mortified, why did guys always think so little of me?

"You be sure to call your mom Saturday evening, let her know you're OK. You sure you're staying at Ashley's? You aren't using that as an excuse to go to a party? Or out with some boy?"

"No pop. We're going to finish our science project and watch a movie. Don't worry about picking me up, I'll take my car and park it out back of the apartment building."

He scowled, but couldn't think of a good reason to say no to this idea.

"OK, but you make sure you don't go out there alone after dark, it's too dangerous. All kinds of weirdo's hang around those apartments."

He was right, of course, but I wasn't going to admit it or he might change his mind and suggest that Ashley sleep over at our place. The nice thing about staying at her place was that we would have it to ourselves so we could do pretty much what we liked, including stealing a couple of her mom's beers and maybe even the odd cigarette although they always made me cough and as a result, I usually declined when Ash offered.

Besides, we could drive to the park from her place in ten minutes, from home it was a good half an hour and I had visions of my mom coming along which wouldn't bode well for our chances of boy watching.

Before I left mom gave me a box of cookies, a homemade lasagna, a pack of cokes and a chocolate fudge cake.

"This way I know you'll eat, poor Ashley too and there's twenty dollars just in case you need anything. Have fun and behave."

Why did she still act like everything was OK between us? Her and pop, who gave me a hug as if I was going off to college instead of away for the weekend. As they became lost to sight as I turned out of the driveway, I heaved a sigh of relief. I always felt better once I was out of their company these days and I hated them even more for the fact it was their fault.

It was fun sleeping at Ashley's apartment on our own, her mom had left us some sodas and cookies and we stuffed ourselves with that and the stuff my mom had sent with me then messed around trying out makeup and different hairstyles, it was like having a sister of my own, something I missed although I understood that Charlotte wasn't able to have kids of her own or was that just another lie? I no longer trusted anything they had told me.

We went to bed really late after watching a movie on TV and talking about what we saw in our future, although neither of us really knew what we wanted to do, except get the hell out of Ogallala.

When we got up late the next morning we discovered Ashley's mom had brought a date home, a guy called Paulie from the bar where she worked and they had slept together! I felt suddenly awkward and it rekindled memories of the different guys my real mom had brought home to stay with us.

Paulie treated Ashley just the same way my mom's boyfriends had treated me, as if she was in the way, so when Ash told them we were going to the church meeting he was pleased to give us a few dollars to buy breakfast on the way and shut the door on us.

It's that time again. I'm off on vacation tomorrow for three weeks but I will post as and when I am able. Love Jules xx