I'm sorry for the influx of typos in the past few chapters…I've been a bit stressed getting back to school and my proofreading skills died. It shall improve, I swears-es. Also, two chapters today, just because I didn't update yesterday (fanfiction went out on me). This is a little short, but there's more later.

"Hey, small child, we brought food! Naruto, come out here and get food." Temari was one of the people who hadn't gotten Malaria medications and as such, was bossy from a great distance. Basically, the only people who were actually innoculized were Naruto, Kiba and Sakura, so there was major quarantine on the smaller clearing, where there had been a really small driftwood pseudo-shelter. Ooh. Pseudo word of the weak.

"Can we have jalapeño poppers for breakfast?"

Naruto pulled the food into the shelter. "Sasuke, you're bloody insane. Or hallucinating. Or, you know, both. Here, eat this." Somehow, he had ended up as primary caregiver of Sasuke, since Sakura and Kiba were busy dragging large pieces of wood to absolutely nowhere. Or, at least it wasn't in the shelter, so it was nowhere to Sasuke.

"If you don't eat, you will die."

Temari had instructed Naruto that this was a very effective way of getting people to obey you at all costs, because they are easily controllable when sick and no one seems to notice this. For all we know, the germ warfare is actually propaganda from the government.

Our government (your government, the Federation of Allied Planets) and not terrorists.

Even if the definition of that word is totally debatable.

Sasuke refused the food. "Here, sit up." Naruto pulled Sasuke up to a sitting position. "You need to soak in water," he said quietly. "You're really hot." Indeed, the Uchiha's skin burned with fever. "Water too. Come on."

Day a million. Or day three. Or day one. Naruto wasn't really sure anymore. He helped Sasuke out of the quarantine shelter of d00m and towards the river. Yes, someone finally realized there was a river. Could you blame them? The island was huge.

Carefully, Sasuke curled up in the water. He looked small, still in the liquid of life, eyes shut and body shaking. "I'm cold," he whispered softly. "Cold…cold…Uzumaki, aren't you cold too?" Delirium had set in, Naruto figured, mostly by way of analyzing the way Sasuke's words had just reduced themselves to nothing, strings of nonsensical sounds.

Word salad, if you will.

Why was it his job now? What had he done to suddenly become the babysitter for Uchiha-fucking-Sasuke? Oh, now he remembered, he took a certain brand of medication. It was like isolation caused by fate for no real reason and it made him really, really mad. He narrowed his eyes and leaned against a tree, watching Sasuke intently. He was pretty, Naruto conceded, but pathetic. Letting him sit in a river was probably not the smartest thing in the world, but it was close enough to the beach that no one would be drinking the water downstream for a while.

Of course, for all Naruto knew it would kill off all of them, but hey, it wouldn't be his fault.

Well, it would be, but no one would care anyway because they would all be dead and no one would ever know the difference because they were stuck in the middle of bloody nowhere. Which is like the middle of non-bloody nowhere, only, you know…

Not bloody?

Naruto was pretty sure he was still lucid. It was probably just the fact that he was a teenager with some serious issues (on island, issues are part of the package) and that was why his mind was running amuck. Honestly. It was getting annoying.

But then again, everything was annoying. Mostly the fact that this entire thing was like a soap opera.

"You know," Naruto said aloud, "I don't believe in god, I merely subscribe to the idea that we are all characters in a massive game of The Sims. And you know what, oh worldly one who controls everything about my life? You know what? Screw you! It's all your fault!"

Poor dear, really.

"You know what else? Be nicer to Sasuke. Could you maybe stop picking on him? He never did anything to you." The blond boy crossed his arms. "Well there goes the fourth wall…or part of it anyway, since I was basically sitting there talking to myself. Maybe the Sims Player doesn't speak Human?"

His soliloquy was interrupted as Sasuke clunked down beside him on the rock overlooking in the river. "You feeling better?" It was his job, whether he wanted it or not, to make sure the dark haired boy turned our okay. He couldn't help but feel bad though: Sasuke's skin was thin and paper white, his glossy black hair dulled with thickness and sweat.

"Not really," Sasuke murmured. "Why the hell is it you? It's a fucking conspiracy. Shit, I want a smoke." Naruto wasn't sure he knew Sasuke smoke, or if Sasuke actually smoked, or whether the black haired boy was just muttered whatever came to mind.

"Do you smoke?" Logical question.

Sasuke nodded. "That I do. Too much, probably." His eyes shut gently and the wind off the ocean flickered through his hair. "Hence I said I wanted a cigarette." He bit his lip and leaned against the rock. His eyes were closed in slightly tormented rest. "It's stupid here. I hate it."

"Sucks that we're here," Naruto replied. "Are you--"

"All there? Unfortunately. I'm fully aware of your fucking annoying voice. If I tune you out, I did it on purpose." He shrugged. "I figure this is going to get a lot worse pretty soon, assuming it can actually get worse since I'm been puking up my guts since yesterday." He examined his hands carefully. "Here is better than the alterative."

"Which was?"

Sasuke laughed dryly, a bitter and angry cackle that split the air. He couched a little into his hand, staring over the ocean with a mixture of anger and contempt. "I'm not going to pour my heart out to you Uzumaki just because Temari told you to make sure I don't die." His eyes grew hard in the light. "We're not friends."

"Why the hell would anyone want to be friends with an arrogant prick like you?"

Sasuke shrugged, leaning back against the rock. It felt so good, cool next to his scalding hot skin. "I wouldn't know. I don't have any friends." The short sentences stilled Naruto's voice.

"Oh…"

What else was there to say? You deserve it? Good job Uchiha, you have managed to alienate the entire world. Kudos. You're going to die alone.

Instead, Naruto merely nodded. "I didn't have friends for a long time either." It sounded like a confession, like a dire solution solved by immoral means. "I mean I had Kiba, but we weren't really close until high school. I met Gaara seventh grade…so I guess we were friends…but before that I was sort of alone."

"Being alone isn't so bad."

"It is when you don't have a choice."

Sasuke didn't say anything, choosing to cross his arms and sulk because he hated being sick, but it was pretty clear that he agreed.

"So, darling, we should go exploring."

Shikamaru blinked. "Um…okay."

Temari grinned. "You don't want to?" She twirled her blond hair between her fingers. She was the queen of 'Exploring the in Jungle', again different to exploring the jungle. Who do you think taught Gaara the difference?

Yeah, well, Temari taught have the world the difference, even if there wasn't a jungle anywhere near there.

Besides, Shikamaru was cute. Like, fuzzy. And intellectually inclined, which was nice since Temari needed a friend who wasn't completely stupid. Not that Kiba was stupid, he just wasn't an intellectual. Shame too, since Shikamaru was so damn hard to find.

Well not really. Look down, find a place with good lighting, and he would eventually show up there. It's actually a cycle.

"Jungle?" Shikamaru raised an eyebrow. "That's not a Ruby Fruit Jungle reference?"

Temari read that book. It was a good book.

"You're not a chick."

Shikamaru sighed. "I should hope not. Fine. Jungle exploration." Temari tapped her lips.

"You know what, I don't like that idea. Come here." She wrapped her arms around Shikamaru's neck. "You like me?" Her eyes were glittering brightly now. "Really truly do you?" She didn't even look like she might be the tiniest bit afraid of rejection. She looked totally confident.

Shikamaru wished he felt the same way.

"Yes," he croaked. What had happened to his voice? This was not a confession of love, this was a confession of 'like', and he was still feeling the tiniest bit sick to his stomach. He didn't get sick to his stomach. It was too much work to feel like that.

"Oh, that's good because I like you too." She closed her eyes part way and peered through her lashes. "You should kiss me." She pressed her mouth against the somewhat shocked teenager's lips. "You're so cute," she muttered, even if it came out 'yukyuk'. Her hands drifted to Shikamaru's hips and took hold of the sides of his khakis. She pushed her tongue insistently between his lips and then--

"Hell yes! I KNEW IT!"

And then Kankuro showed up.

"YOU LIAR! I knew you two were fucking!"

Temari blinked, pulling back from her face. "That's nice. I didn't. Shikamaru's ears went the slightest shade of pink. "Oh well, I know now."

There must be more TemaShika. Sometime. Eventually.