On a sunny, warm day near the end of the summer, Kiku was glad that he had plans to see Yao. With both of them having been terribly busy with work, they had barely any time to so much as speak, much less see each other. The one time Kiku had managed to get his brother on the phone, he had sounded different somehow. Distracted. He ultimately shrugged it off, but he was glad to finally get an evening with him. That, and Kiku would finally get to keep his promise to Heracles.

After some gentle prodding and a detailed set of directions that would get Yao directly to the right wing, he had agreed to meet Kiku by the front desk again. Kiku had left out the reason why he wanted him to do just that. He still wasn't completely sure what he was going to tell him. All he knew was the whole thing inexplicably made him nervous. He knew Yao would likely like Heracles, it was pretty difficult not to, and it was not as if they would even spend much time together. These reasoning did nothing to prevent Kiku's stomach from twisting into fluttering knots.

For one moment of insanity Kiku almost wished Yao would get lost again so he had a few extra minutes to collect himself. This misplaced hope was squashed when he saw Yao appear around the corner. The first thing Kiku noticed was the pale scarf he was wearing. Funny, he had never seen him with that before. It was practically bigger than him. On top of that, it was still summer. Kiku shrugged it off. "Evening," he said when Yao approached him. "Did you have any trouble this time?"

Yao shook his head. "No. Thankfully, your instructions were enough to get me here," he said. "Our reservation is in forty-five minutes, should we get going?"

"Well, actually…" Kiku rubbed the back of his neck. This really should not make his as nervous as it was. He decided he might as well just say it, like ripping off a Band-Aid. "If we could stick around for a few minutes, I would like you to meet one of my patients."

Yao squinted in response. "Why?" A moment after he said it, the confusion on his face faded into a neutral expression. "Wait, is this the same patient you mentioned awhile back?"

Kiku was surprised that he remembered. "Yes. Heracles."

"Ah." Yao shoved his hands in his pockets. For a moment after, neither of them said a thing. The silence suggested Yao was waiting for an explanation and Kiku was failing to provide it. "Is there any reason why?"

"He…wants to meet you." Kiku realized very quickly how strange this must have sounded. He felt like a teenager about to introduce their prom date to their parents…if only things could be that innocent and simple. "It will only take a minute."

"Alright." Yao sounded casual enough, but the faint stich of confusion in his eyes suggested he thought the situation was just as strange as Kiku feared it sounded. There was another gap in conversation, and Yao finally nodded. "Let's go, then."

Kiku snapped out of his racing thoughts. "Right." He turned on his heel and walked in the direction of Heracles's room just like he had so many times before. However, he had not felt this nervous about it since his first day doing it. When he knocked on the door, he noticed his hand was shaking. At least Kiku had thought to mention this to Heracles earlier that day. "Heracles?"

The response was immediate. "Kiku? Did you bring Yao?"

Kiku glanced quickly at Yao, who had maintained a flat expression. "Yes."

Heracles did not respond immediately. Why was he not saying anything… "Well, aren't you going to come in?" …Probably because he expected him to open the door. Kiku was certain this could not possibly get any more awkward.

Surprisingly, Heracles opened the door before Kiku could. He had to look down to meet Yao's gaze. "Hello." He extended a hand and smiled faintly. "I have wanted to meet you for awhile, Yao."

"Is that so?" said Yao, attempting to sound polite but obviously taken off-guard. He shook his hand and shot Kiku a look that he pretended not to notice. Maybe he had spoken about Yao with Heracles just a bit too much.

"Yes. He said you are very kind. You two have that in common."

"I…oh." Yao glanced at Kiku again, this time with a raised eyebrow. Kiku felt his face flush in embarrassment. "Well, alright."

And there was that silence again. Heracles broke it when he noticed Yao's Hello Kitty phone charm hanging out of his pocket. "I like your key chain. Do you like cats as well?"

Yao turned red and shoved the offending charm back in his pocket. Being a man in his thirties, he was always slightly embarrassed by his love of cutesy things. He cleared his throat before he spoke. "I do, actually."

"We have something in common, then." Moments after he said it, it became noticeable that Heracles was beginning to sway in his stance. How odd, it usually didn't happen that quickly…

"Heracles, sit down." Kiku forced himself to say it firmly. He could not have repeat of the other day. He couldn't take it.

"You worry too much, Kiku," said Heracles. He sat down on the edge of the bed anyway. "That's okay. It's sweet."

Kiku was fairly certain Yao would hurt his neck if he kept shooting him looks. He took it as a sign to wrap it up. "I suppose we should get going."

"Alright. I am pretty tired." Heracles brushed a strand of hair from his eyes and smiled again. "It was nice meeting you, Yao."

Yao nodded. "Same to you."

Kiku almost thought he had managed to get through his without Yao becoming suspicious, but he was proven wrong when Heracles reached out and squeezed his arm. "Have fun, Kiku."

Kiku nodded and gently pulled his arm back, trying to pretend he didn't notice the wary side-glance Yao was throwing his way. "Thank you," he said. "Well, see you tomorrow."

Yao blinked away his suspicion and smiled politely. He walked out of the room with Kiku, his expression making it evident that he had something to say, but he said nothing. When they passed Matthew, Kiku swore he and Yao held eye contact just a second too long. On the way to the restaurant, he seemed vaguely distracted.

.

It was not until they were halfway through their meals that Yao said anything that held weight. "Kiku, I know something is going on."

He knows. Kiku set down his glass and focused his eyes on the table. "What are you referring to?" Right then, he could think of nothing to do besides play dumb.

Yao clenched his jaw and folded his arms across his chest. "That patient, Kiku. The way he looks at you. The fact that he wanted to meet your brother." He did not exactly sound accusatory, just an odd cross between concerned and knowing.

"He is my friend." Kiku felt a sudden sense of déjà-vu. On top of that, he instantly felt as if he was lying. It was, to some extent, a lie by omission.

"I can see that. All I'm saying is…" Yao paused, shrugged, and dropped his gaze. "Maybe there is more to it."

"Why are you so concerned about it?" Kiku could think of nothing else to say. Yao knew. He knew, and for reasons that Kiku wasn't sure of, that terrified him. He could not be sure if he was afraid of judgment or pity or disgust or something else entirely. All he knew was he did not want to elaborate.

"I suppose I was right." Yao sighed and closed his eyes briefly. Kiku bit his lip and fought the urge to hold his breath. "Kiku, this is so unlike you."

Kiku looked up, now entirely confused. He knew he had never dated in the past, but the statement hardly seemed warranted. "Unlike me?"

"I would think you would have the sense not to fall into something like this."

Kiku finally understood. "Oh," he said. "You think it's strange."

"No," said Yao immediately. "I think it's a ticking time bomb."

That was exactly what it was, and somehow, Kiku didn't care. He had right now. He didn't know what would happen in a few months or next week or even tomorrow, but for God's sakes, he had today. He was not about to ruin that. He sat in silence until he found a way to change the subject. "You never did tell me why Dr. Williams wanted to speak with you."

For a moment, Yao looked annoyed that Kiku had changed the topic. But in a split second, his eyebrows shot up, his mouth fell open, and he quickly looked away. "I never did, did I?" He laughed, but it sounded unnatural.

Now, it was Kiku's turn to be suspicious. "No. You didn't," he said. "What happened? He said there was someone you would want to visit."

Yao sighed heavily. "This is entirely too long of a story."

"I have time." Kiku was genuinely curious, if not a tad bit concerned.

"Fine." Yao traced a grove in the table's wood. "Remember when I got lost and ran into a psych patient?"

That was far too strange to forget. Kiku nodded. "Of course."

"Well," Yao paused for a long moment as if to collect his thoughts. "The bottom line is Dr. Williams is using me as… a therapy tool, per say. It sounds strange because it is."

"What?" Kiku was no closer to understanding. If anything, he was about a thousand times more confused. He simply could not wrap his mind around something so odd. "A therapy tool? What on earth does that mean?"

Yao closed his eyes briefly and gripped the edge of the table. "All it means is I come in and talk with him," he said slowly. "His name is Ivan." He sounded far too flippant about it, but the look in his eyes suggested he was holding back ten times the amount of information he was vocalizing.

"That is…very strange." Kiku waited for Yao to respond. When he didn't, he resigned to the fact that he was not going to get a full explanation as to what being a 'therapy tool' meant and instead asked, "What is he like?"

"He's nice," said Yao with a shrug. "I mean, a lot of people think he's creepy and he kind of is, but for the most part he is… misunderstood."

Kiku blinked. He had hardly expected such a kind, casual description. It was almost as if Yao was describing an old friend rather than someone who terrified him just months before. "There must be a reason he is there."

"Well, the label they stuck on him is borderline personality disorder." As if the very term triggered something, Yao scoffed and threw his hand in the air. "They told me the other day they think he might be sociopathic! Can you believe that? It could not be further from the truth. If anything, he's too empathetic. All he wants to do is protect people. I mean, just because he's gotten violent a few time doesn't mean-"

Kiku felt a zing of panic. "Violent? With you?"

"No!" Yao nearly shouted it. The strangest part was he seemed personally offended. "He would never do anything to me. Ever."

Taken aback, Kiku put his hands up, wondering why he would be so intent on defending him. "I never said he would, Yao. I do not even know this man."

"I know, it's not your fault, I'm just tired of people judging him, and-" Yao broke off abruptly and clamped his mouth shut. He said nothing for a long moment while Kiku just looked at him, now more anxious than confused. When Yao looked up, it was not difficult to see the storm thrashing behind his eyes. "And I think I'm in love with him."

The sudden, completely unexpected declaration hit like a tidal wave, but at the same time, it was so horribly ironic that Kiku could have laughed. Less than five minutes ago, Yao was lecturing him about being unlike himself. Well, this was just about the last thing Kiku would ever expect Yao to do. Yao was always the one to be careful and reserved, always the one to laugh at the foolish actions of characters in romantic movies. And now, without any warning, he was telling him this. "This is very sudden." That was the only thing that felt fitting. Kiku's mind with was still reeling, still trying to make sense of this.

Yao sighed in what seemed like resignation. "I know. It was a lot to spring on you at once, but I thought you might understand." He picked up the scarf he had folded next to him and absently ran the fabric through his fingers. Kiku suddenly realized where that scarf must have come from. "It may seem ridiculous, but it's the truth."

Kiku could not say that Yao's situation was any more ridiculous and strange than his own, so it was not so much that he did not understand. It was more that he was too shocked to feel anything else. Once his shock and partial amusement faded, however, he realized just how concerning the situation actually was. "Yao, this seems dangerous."

Yao clenched his jaw and tightened his grip on the table. "Well, it isn't."

"He sounds very troubled, and you said he has been violent. It would only be reasonable to assume-"

Yao suddenly slammed his hand against the table, causing Kiku to stop speaking and jump in his seat. "At least Ivan isn't DYING, Kiku!"

The words hit like a punch to the stomach. Kiku suddenly could not breathe, could not think, could not do anything besides try and stop the tears picking his eyes from spilling over. He opened his mouth to speak, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't bring himself to say a thing. Yao was right. This 'Ivan' would likely be around for decades, and Heracles was dying. Heracles. Was. Dying… Kiku closed his eyes, the thought repeating itself over and over in his mind, his chest seizing in pain…

"Kiku." The spite had disappeared from Yao's voice. If anything, he sounded almost frantic. "Oh my God, Kiku, that was entirely out of line. I'm so sorry."

Kiku finally found the will to speak. "No." His voice cracked on the word. He looked away, embarrassed. "No, it's fine. You are right." It was not as if what he had said was untrue, and really, when was Yao not right?

Yao's face pinched his pain. His lips parted as if he was going to apologize again, but he only sighed and looked down at his plate. Not a word was spoken for the rest of the meal.

.

July faded into August, and things with Heracles became no less complicated. At the same time, they became no less wonderful. Kiku could still not be sure exactly what they were doing, whether it was a relationship or something deeper- all he knew was that whatever it was made him happy, no matter how foreign it all was to him. In the couple weeks that followed the unfortunate fainting spell at the cat shelter, Heracles seemed more or less fine- as fine as he could be, at least. His dyspnea didn't get too bad; he didn't try and overexert himself. Everything was as fine as it possibly could be- even if Kiku had not spoken to Yao in two weeks.

So when Kiku entered his room one evening, he was surprised to see that Heracles had completely covered himself with the blankets like a caterpillar in a cocoon. "Heracles?" said Kiku. When there was no immediate answer, he began to get worried. Heracles did not appear to be sleeping, since he had curled himself into a ball and his head wasn't even exposed. It looked as if his positioning was deliberate, for whatever reason. "Are you alright?"

"No." Heracles did not sound like he was in pain. He did not even sound tired. If anything, he sounded embarrassed. "I don't want you to see me."

And there was the confusion again. "Heracles, it is necessary for me to see you. How else will I check on you?" As if that was the only reason Kiku wanted to see his face. He walked towards the bed, and Heracles seemed to squirm further under the covers when he noticed his presence. Kiku frowned. This was probably the strangest thing Heracles had ever done, and that was certainly saying a lot. "What's the matter?"

"Everything."

While the confusion was still strong, panic started to override it. "Are you breathing alright? Are you in pain? Heracles, I need you to tell me-"

Heracles lifted a hand from under the blankets, stopping Kiku's ramblings. "Nothing like that," he said. "Doctor Beilschmidt gave me something, and… I look silly."

Oh. Kiku was almost surprised by how menial the problem was. Compared to fainting, breathlessness and erratic heartbeats, a change appearance might as well have been nothing. At same time, he could only wonder what was supposedly so awful. He sat down on the edge of the bed and stared at the outline of his body. "I'm sure it isn't bad."

After a long pause, Heracles finally said, "You won't laugh?"

Kiku had never heard a more absurd question. "Heracles, I would never."

There was a heavy sigh, and Heracles moved the covers from his head as slowly as it could possibly be done. Finally, Kiku saw what he was so hung up on- and immediately wondered why it mattered. Affixed to Heracles's nose and hooked over his ears was a thin, clear tube. Kiku wondered momentarily if there was something bigger he was missing, but his suspicion was invalidated when Heracles covered the lower half of his face with his hand and his cheeks turned a light pink. "Doctor Beilschmidt made me put it on this afternoon," he mumbled into his fingers. "He said it would help me breathe."

It was things like this that sent Kiku falling out of the clouds and spiraling back down to reality. He had mentioned the fainting spell and the episodes of breathlessness to Ludwig, and they had discussed whether doing this would be a good idea. Now that he thought about it, they recently had come to the conclusion that yes, giving Heracles a nasal cannula was the best option. Just like he had with so many things since meeting him, Kiku had forgotten about it until now. Even so, he hardly thought of it as unsightly. If anything, he was relieved that Heracles would be even slightly more comfortable. "I do not see what the problem is."

Heracles did not move his hand. "You don't have to lie."

The words hurt. If there was not thing Kiku did not want to be accused of being, it was a liar. "I was not lying."

"Kiku, I look ridiculous."

"No." Kiku was beginning to get frustrated. It pained him to see Heracles so humiliated, especially when it was such a non-issue. "No, you look far from ridiculous. You look…" He trailed off, glanced quickly at Heracles and forced out the word that had been rattling around in his mind. "…Cute." Funny. Just months ago he been thinking about how strange it was that Heracles had called him just that, and he was now doing the same thing. Oh well. It felt fitting, no matter how embarrassing it was to actually say it out loud.

Slowly but surely, Heracles lowered his hand. "Really?"

"Yes." The floor suddenly became a lot more interesting. Kiku wrung his hands together. "I have always thought you are quite…attractive." He tensed immediately after he said it, but he did not regret the words. Still, he wished he didn't blush so easy. "This does not change anything."

"Oh." At least Heracles seemed to have the same tendency. He was almost scarlet. "I have always thought the same about you."

The temperature in the room must have spontaneously doubled. "Oh."

"Are you alright?" asked Heracles, even though he looked less than all right himself.

Kiku blinked away the last of his ridiculous fluster and forced himself to meet his gaze. "Yes, I am fine, why-" But he could not finish his thought- if he even had one to finish to begin with- because Heracles was kissing him. It was unexpected, yet gentle, yet just enough to knock the air from Kiku's lungs.

Heracles pulled back almost before Kiku could register what was going on. "I'm sorry," he said. Kiku was starting to believe he was picking up on his habit.

Only Kiku did not want him to be sorry. "No." He swallowed hard, closed his eyes briefly, and summoned all the courage he had in his body. With trembling hands and a heartbeat that felt like hail hitting the concrete, Kiku leaned forward and kissed him again. Though he felt as though he could faint at any given moment, Kiku quickly realized that he did not want to stop.

It took awhile to get over the nervousness, the hesitation and the uncertainty- at least enough to think straight. If there was one thing Kiku was not used to, it was being touched like this, held like this…but it did not make his skin crawl the way he once thought it would. Instead, it lit it on fire. It was not until almost five minutes later for the room to stop spinning around him, for Kiku's hands to become steady again and soon after become more bold- if only slightly. Heracles had more nerve, pulling Kiku closer, kissing him deeper…but he was once again the one to pull away, flushed and wide-eyed. "Kiku," he said and cleared his throat. "Have you ever…"

He did not finish. He did not have to. Kiku lurched back, taken off-guard for the millionth time. He could not tell if he was flustered or just embarrassed, and he ended up without words. He simply shook his head. It was not until after he did it that he could manage two words that felt like an entire speech. "Have you?"

Heracles nodded. For a brief second of insanity Kiku was surprised, but immediately felt ridiculous for it. "Sadiq and I dated for over a year," he said. This time, Kiku did not feel embarrassed about being shocked. The feeling only doubled over on itself when Heracles continued to speak. "We broke up the day I was diagnosed."

The implication set in, and Kiku was left breathless for an entirely different reason. "I'm…sorry." Really, what was the point of trying to stop it anymore?

"It's fine. That was not the point. I was just wondering." Heracles shrugged, and without warning he changed the subject to something that felt entirely irrelevant. "Do you have any more patients to go to?"

Kiku blinked. He wondered why it mattered. "My shift is over."

"Okay." It was harder to see now that the sun was beginning to set, but Kiku could still make out the pale shade of pink that passed over Heracles's cheeks. He bunched a wad of covers in his hand. "Maybe you should turn off the lights."

Taking that as a signal to leave, Kiku stood up. "Oh, are you tired?"

Heracles looked almost confused. After a moment of just staring at each other, Heracles broke eye contact and sighed in a way that was almost a laugh. "I am asking if you want to sleep with me, Kiku."

Oh. Oh. Kiku had forgotten just how blunt Heracles could be. His heart leapt to his throat, his eyes grew wide and unblinking, and he felt as if someone had someone had replaced the blood in his body with bolts of lightening. For a moment he thought he was in risk of exploding. When he spoke, he could only whisper. "I…we are in a hospital."

Heracles shrugged. "So?"

"So!"

"No one enters this room at night." Heracles finally looked up, and his eyebrows drew together. Kiku did not realize he was physically shaking until Heracles began to look concerned. "I'm sorry, I did not mean to be forceful. That was far too bold."

Two equally powerful realizations hit Kiku like tons of bricks at the same time. The first one was the easiest to come to terms with. No matter how nervous he was about it, what Heracles was offering was exactly what he wanted, even if he had gone to great lengths to deny it. The second realization was a painful one: Heracles was getting weaker by the day. This could very well be their last and only chance to do so. Kiku did not have the words to answer, so he said nothing. Instead, with legs that felt entirely too unstable and hands that refused to stop quivering, he walked to the wall, turned off the light, and went back to the bed.

Momentarily Kiku wondered, quite frankly, what in the hell he was doing. This was without a doubt the most unprofessional, impulsive, downright inane thing he had ever done. It was the epitome of everything he would never do. But that was all clouded by the way Heracles looked in the moonlight, the touch of his skin, and finally the looming prognosis that hung in the distance like a clock ticking down to zero.

It was not easy. Kiku had to do the vast majority of the work even if he was a stammering mess of apologies and inexperience, they had to stop a few times to allow Heracles to catch his breath, and in turn Kiku was terrified the entire time that either it would become too much for him or someone would, for whatever reason, walk in. But neither of those things happened. And somewhere along the line, once they pasted all the fear and breathlessness and slight pain, everything suddenly made sense. Everything was suddenly perfect despite the imperfections, pleasure hit, and Kiku's chest swelled with emotion more powerful than anything he had ever felt. He stopped apologizing. In fact, there was no need for words except four.

"Heracles…I love you…"

Ivan and Yao's story can be found it "Little Sunflower." :)

To be continued...