Chapter Nine: Confessions

Pulling back from the kiss, Willow was shocked as her mind registered what had just happened. Buffy had just kissed her. Her best friend had just kissed her. Willow looked into the hazel eyes before her, seeing the confusion and hurt, but she couldn't do anything. All she could think was that Buffy had kissed her. It felt wrong somehow, kissing Buffy. Especially with her thoughts on Tara. It was almost like she was cheating on her dead lover with her straight best friend, but she knew that wasn't true.

"Buffy..." Willow started, only to be cut off as Buffy turned quickly away and started to walk out. "Buffy, wait."

Reaching out, Willow grabbed her friend's arm and turned her to face her, hating the fact that she had just hurt her best friend. "Willow, it's okay. I get it. I'm not Tara," Buffy said, trying to hide her sadness behind understanding.

"Buffy...this isn't about Tara. You just surprised me. I always thought you were straight. You always dated guys, and I never saw you look at a girl in any way that would indicate you had feelings for them."

"You weren't looking hard enough," Buffy admitted, looking away from her friend.

"Huh?" Willow asked, confused by Buffy's words.

"Willow, Faith and I had a brief fling both in high school and during our battle with the First, and I had a slight crush on Tara for a while," Buffy told her, watching Willow's reaction at the admission.

"You and Faith? Wait, you liked Tara?"

Buffy nodded, not saying anything as Willow processed. "How long?" Willow questioned, looking at her friend.

"How long what?"

"How long did you have feelings for Tara?" Willow repeated, frowning at the realization that her best friend use to think about her girlfriend.

"It started a few days before you broke up. I had feelings for her until right after her death," Buffy admitted, looking down at her hands. "Will, I wasn't going to try to get between you. It's just...she made me feel something when nothing else could. Only Spike had caused me to feel anything, and that was because he would cause me pain."

"So to feel something besides pain, you started crushing on my girlfriend?"

"Will, it wasn't like that," Buffy defended, looking at the hurt and anger waring in her friend's eyes.

"What was it like then? Because I can't seem to figure it out," Willow told her, anger pushing the hurt from her voice.

"Tara was pure goodness. You know that better than me. I was in darkness, Willow, and Tara was the light at the end of the tunnel," Buffy said, watching Willow's eyes darken in anger.

"You don't think I understand that darkness theory? Do you not remember my Dark Willow phase? The darkness that came over me when I lost my light?" Willow asked.

"I remember. When you turned evil, I felt like everything inside me had died. I had lost myself, and two of my best friends all in the same year. When Xander stopped you from ending the world, I felt like the darkness that had been clouding me had been washed away and I could see the goodness in the world again. It took me a moment to realize that Tara didn't lift the darkness that time...you did," Buffy admitted, looking at her friend with worry in her eyes.

Willow stared at Buffy in silence, unable to understand what Buffy had just told her. The thought of Buffy crushing on Tara left a feeling of betrayal in Willow, making her angry. But at the same time, she understood Buffy's reasonings. Tara had been good and pure, and Willow knew that the darkness in her had faded some in Tara's presence as well. It was why Tara's death had destroyed her beyond repair. Warren took away the only light in her life, leaving her plunged in the darkness that was inside of her.

It had hurt to lose her soul mate to something as simple as a bullet, and Willow had wanted Warren to feel the pain that Tara had felt in her last seconds of life. She enjoyed torturing the monster that took away her world, her light, and her soul.

Now, staring at Buffy, Willow wondered just how much pain Buffy had felt with Tara's death. She knew Dawn had been hurt by it. Tara had been a mother to Dawn, but Willow had always thought Buffy only thought of Tara as a friend. Her best friend's girlfriend.

"Were you in love with her?"

"No, Will. I loved her, but I was never in love with her. Tara was family. She was pretty much married to you."

Willow nodded, accepting Buffy's answer as she turned away from the blonde to look out the window. She still wasn't sure how she felt about everything, but she knew she'd have to accept it.

"Willow, I'm sorry if you hate me for this, but I can't help that I use to like Tara. I promise you, I never tried to get between you two. I knew how much you loved each other, and I knew you belonged together. Even after you two broke up, I didn't try to win her. I just tried to get her to talk to you. I wouldn't do that," Buffy told her, giving her friend a desperate look.

"I know that," Willow said, turning back to Buffy and looking into her hazel eyes.

Buffy nodded, relaxing a little as she watched the anger in Willow's emerald eyes replace with understanding. "Are we okay?" Buffy wondered, watching Willow.

Willow nodded and walked over to stand before her best friend. "Yeah. We're okay." Willow looked down and reached out to take Buffy's hand in hers before lifting her eyes to her friend's. "I'm not ready for things to happen between us, Buffy. I'm still screwed up from everything that has happened these last few years, but I don't want you to give up on this. I think there could be something amazing between us if we gave it a shot," Willow admitted, squeezing Buffy's hand lightly.

"I understand. You need to heal and work things out. Tara was an amazing woman and no one could ever compare to her," Buffy told her, looking at Willow and smiling.

"You're right. Tara was an amazing woman. Buffy, I'll never stop loving her. She was and always will be my everything, but I do believe that you and I could become something great as well. After all, we managed to be friends through a lot of things. I tried to kill you once, and you forgave me. That says something."

"I agree. I'm willing to wait for you, Will. I know you won't stop loving Tara, and I'd never ask you too. But I'm willing to wait for you to see if you could ever love me as anything more than a best friend," Buffy whispered, before lightly brushing her lips against Willow's and walking from the room.

A/N: Thank you Gimpy72 for reading this and helping fix errors and badly written sentences.