Disclaimer: I do not own anything recognizable.
A/N: NO FLAMES! Not accepted. Thank-you. Constructive criticism is welcome.
2nd A/N: This is an AU story. Given that the twins are actually triplets.
Chapter Nine – Joke Shop
"Harry?" The smaller boy looked up, Alex stood in front of him for once not wearing her Head Girl badge. Instead she was fondling it in her hand, turning it over and over in her palm.
"Alex, what's up, what can I help you with?" It had been six weeks since Fred and George left Hogwarts in a fashion that was sure to be talked about for years.
"I'm leaving Hogwarts." She said; the second the words left her mouth the Common Room fell silent, "sadly not in nearly as spectacular fashion as Fred and George. But I'll need a few things," She leant down to whisper in his ear, "I'll need to borrow your cloak and the map." She straightened up and he nodded, he could lend them to her for a while. Knowing they'd be returned.
"Ron?" The red-head raised his head from his Charms study.
"I'll need your help too." He looked delighted to be helping his sister escape. As it was Alex had received a month's worth of detentions, even being Head Girl, to let the message 'sink in'. Alex had been subjected to writing I Deserve This until a scar was written clearly on the back of her hand reading those words clear as day in her own handwriting. She had cradled her left hand to her chest for days now. Wrapping it in bandages in the privacy of her private Dorm. Harry, Hermione and Ron had all seen the damage; thankfully she'd hidden it from the teachers and other students, including Ginny. Alex had it all figured out she had to escape and Harry's Cloak and Map would help her do that without being caught.
"Miss Weasley? What can I do for you today?" Professor Dumbledore was somewhat surprised to see Alex at his office doorway the morning after. Alex hesitantly took a step inside and sighed heavily.
"Headmaster, I need you revoke my Head Girl status." Alex said in a somewhat shaky voice. Her mother was going to kill her, she just knew it.
"Why would I do that?" Dumbledore asked calmly as always.
"Because I am about to break about 100 School Rules." Alex told him, still in her shaky voice. She was terrified of the ramifications.
"Really?" He asked; his eyes darted to her left hand, wrapped tightly in bandages.
"Yes sir. I'm not even sure if I should be telling you, but I plan to leave Hogwarts. Just like my brother's did." She said, "though not in nearly as a spectacular way." Dumbledore gave a small amused smile. He had known all about the Fireworks display.
"I suspected as much. Very well Miss Weasley. Your badge if you please." He held out his hand and as she placed her badge in his hand he gripped her hand firmly. She used her left hand of course. Dumbledore gently unwrapped her hand and examined the words.
"A blood quill, I believe sir. Professor Umbridge uses it. Apparently she thought I deserved a month's worth of detentions for it to 'sink in' as she put it." Alex said; it was incredibly hard to lie Under the Headmaster's steely blue gaze. Especially when he wasn't angry at you. Alex had always found it hard to lie anyway. Let alone to any of her teachers. At least Dumbledore now knew what was happening and maybe he could stop it.
"Remind me again why we have to go to the border of the grounds?" Ron groaned once they were out in the open.
"Because, I can apparate but not inside the ground of Hogwarts. You know that Ronald. Look I'll owl you okay? I'll let you know I'm okay and the boys are okay. And we'll talk about it over the summer okay?"
"Mum's gonna kill you for giving up Head Girl to Caitlyn Adams." Ron said, Alex laughed softly, she shook her head slowly.
"Mum will get over it." She assured him; they reached the gates at the edge of the grounds. This road led to Hogsmeade; from here she could apparate to Diagon Alley.
"I'll miss you Alex." Ron said giving her a hug as they shrugged off the cloak. Alex kissed Ron's cheek softly and pulled him tight against her.
"Yeah likewise. Look…look after Ginny will you? And tell Harry…and Hermione…I'll miss them." If Ron caught the hesitation to mention Hermione he didn't say anything.
"Sure. Alex…" He bowed his head slightly, "Just don't do anything stupid alright? Be careful."
"You know I will Baby Bro. Look after yourself." Alex bent and kissed Ron's cheek softly, before closing her eyes and apparating.
It was dark in Diagon Alley, but Alex walked down the empty street slowly looking at the shops to find the right one. She stopped outside it. She remembered something Fred had told her before she left for the Great Hall.
"There'll be a key for you. In plain sight but you'll still have to look to see it." He had said. Alex bit her lip looking around the door for the key. In plain sight but have to look to see it. She smiled of course. She stood up on her toes and reached to the top of the door, there on top of the outward door frame was a single golden key. She pushed it into the lock and let herself in. Closing and locking the door behind her, she slowly crept to the back of the store and up to the door of the apartment they lived in above the shop. She stopped at the door and dropped to the small mat they'd put at the front door, she lifted the corner and smiled. A spare key. She shook her head at their silliness. She slowly unlocked the door and slipped inside closing and locking the door behind her. She looked down at her watch. 10 after 7. Breakfast time. She slipped into the kitchenette. Did these boys ever cook? She opened the fridge to find just what she wanted. Eggs, bacon, sausages. She pulled a few tomatoes out of the crisper and frowned. Three had gone mouldy and the other four weren't in the best of shape. Rolling her eyes she pulled out a frying pan and set about making breakfast. She also made fresh coffee, sure that the smell would wake them. It was 7:30 by the time the first emerged.
"Good Morning Fredrick." Alex said without turning around.
"I have to be still dreaming. A pretty girl, in my kitchen, cooking my breakfast and can tell that it's me without looking at me…only one pretty girl can do that." Alex squealed as he wrapped his arms around her waist and dragged her back from the counter before turning her around and hugging her tightly.
"It's good to see you Alex! But…Hogwarts isn't finished yet. Don't tell me you threw away your chance of working at the ministry for us?" Fred said, his tone burning with earnest.
"Fred…I love you two more than anything else in the world. Why wouldn't I throw away the chance to work at the Ministry for you two?" Alex replied. He looked thoughtful at this comment and nodded slowly.
"That sounds about right. How did you know it was me though? You never do tell us." Fred asked sitting down at the table as she continued to cook the breakfast.
"You have a different presence. Yours is slightly more…energetic. George's is more laid-back and go-with-the-flow kind." Alex said. When George arrived in the kitchen, his greeting was what you would expect to see a couple in a movie do. His arms wrapped around Alex's waist and he leaned up to kiss her cheek. Alex laughed and placed a kiss on his cheek in return before he joined Fred at the table. Alex paused to observe them a little. She had two very clever brothers and two siblings she'd left at school. Not to mention a very good friend in Hermione and a boy who had stolen her hearts with no intention of giving it back in Harry. Alex closed her eyes and pictured the young boy with glasses that she'd unexpectedly fallen for. She'd miss him.
"You pocket anything and you'll be paying in more than just galleons!" A sharp voice that reminded Ron, Harry and Hermione of Molly Weasley sounded as they entered the Joke Shop. There was colour everywhere. Ron's jaw hung slack as he looked around at everything his brothers had made. There was hundreds of things. Harry made his way towards the counter, where a gaggle of delighted ten-year-olds were watching a tiny set of gallows, both perched on a box that read: Reusable Hangman – Spell It Or Watch Him Swing!
"Patented Daydream Charms," Hermione joined him at counter, "One simple incantation and you will enter a top-quality, highly realistic thirty-minute daydream, easy to fit into the average school lesson and virtually undetectable (side-effects include vacant expression and minor drooling). Not suitable for under 16-year-olds. You know," Hermione said, looking up at Harry, "that is really extraordinary magic!" She smiled at the product again before a hand reached out and picked one up and held it out to her.
"For that, you can have one for free Hermione." Hermione's brown eyes snapped up at the voice and a smile spread across her face.
"Alex!" Hermione practically vaulted the counter and wrapped her arms around the older girl who laughed and hugged Hermione in return.
"Hey Harry." She said as she let go of Hermione.
"Hi Alex." He replied, he started when a hand clamped down on his shoulder.
"All right Harry?" He looked up into the broad smiling face of Fred Weasley, wearing a pair of magenta robes like, Harry now noted, Alex was also wearing. Although Magenta clashed magnificently with Fred's hair, Alex looked like her skin glowed in them. Alex was now frowning at Hermione.
"Fred, bruise cream." The other Weasley handed it to her confused, "what happened Hermione?" Alex asked.
"Punching telescope." The younger girl mumbled, Fred paled with a horror-struck look.
"Blimey! Sorry about that Hermione. Forgot about those." He said before grasping Harry's elbow as Alex dragged Hermione to the stairs that led to the apartment above the shop.
Alex smiled as she spotted Hermione's bruise begin to vanish. She stood up and wiped her hands on a towel she'd stowed in her pocket.
"It'll be totally gone within the hour. Fred and George had to find a decent one. They test their products on themselves so if one gets a bruise then it has to be vanished so Mum won't see it. Not that's she's seen us in about four months. And to be honest I'm trying to avoid her. But I can't hide forever can I?" Alex smiled. Hermione grinned and then wandered over to where Ginny was. Fred approached them. George was talking to a customer and Verity, the young blonde employee of Fred and George, was trying to talk a customer into buying something. Her sales pitch needed work. Alex wandered over and tried to offer the customer something else and her sales pitch was better. Convincing the customer to buy the other product. Verity gave Alex a dirty look before going out the back and getting more stock to restock the shelves.
"She hates it when you do that huh?" Alex turned; Harry stood there a smile on his face.
"Yeah, but it doesn't really matter does it? I mean – I never thought I'd be here today. I always saw myself at the Ministry with Dad and Percy…the prat." Alex said.
"Well I missed you. At Hogwarts." Harry offered. Alex smiled down at him.
"I missed you too Harry. You're a nice guy. Any girl would be nuts not to jump at the chance to be with you." Alex said. Harry went pink.
"Well there's kind of only one girl I want to 'jump at the chance to be with me'." He said, Alex cocked an eyebrow.
"Oh really?" She asked, looking a little crestfallen.
"Yeah, she's brilliant. She's funny, attractive, always nice to me although she's older than me, never treats me like a kid, even when we were at Hogwarts. I was always just Harry to her. So yeah she's brilliant." Alex looked almost heartbroken at the idea but smiled anyway.
"She sounds perfect." She said trying to keep her voice steady.
"She is…to me anyway." Harry said.
"Who is she?" She asked interested, but heartbroken that he didn't like her like that.
"She's…she's you, Alex." Harry said; he knew she was shocked. She paled and blinked at him a few times. Then smiled.
"I like you too Harry." Alex said smiling. He blushed. Alex turned at her sister's voice.
"Whatever you heard from Ron is a big fat lie. What's this?" Ginny said.
"Guaranteed ten-second pimple remover." Fred replied, "Excellent on anything from blackheads or boils. Don't change the subject. Are you not currently going out with Dean Thomas?"
"Yes, I am. And the last time I looked he was one boy, not five." Ginny said, Alex leant agasint the pillar behind her brother raising an eyebrow at Ginny's reply.
"What are those?" Ginny pointed at a number of round balls of fluff in shades of pink and purple, all rolling around the bottom of a cage and admitting high-pitched squeaks.
"Pygmy Puffs." Alex put in.
"What?" Ginny asked.
"Miniature puffskeins, we can't breed them fast enough. So what about Michael Corner?" George replied.
"I dumped him, he was a bad loser." Said Ginny, putting a finger through the bars of the cage and watching the pygmy puffs crowd around it. "They're really cute!"
"They're cuddly sure. But you're moving through boyfriends a bit fast aren't you?" Fred said, Alex and Ginny both set Fred with a glare that rivalled Molly's so much so that Harry was surprised that Fred didn't recoil.
"It's none of your business," Ginny snapped, "and I'll thank you, not to tell tales about me to these three!" She snapped angrily at Ron who appeared at George's elbow. Alex gave her youngest brother an appraising look.
"Three Galleons, nine sickles and a knut." She said, Fred turned and held out his hand.
"Cough up." Ron looked shocked. His arms almost gave way under the weight of all the boxes.
"But I'm your brother!" He said indignantly.
"And that our stuff you're nicking." Alex told him, "three galleons, nine sickles and a knut." Ron looked even more distressed now.
"Come on! Your little brother can't even get a discount?" Ron asked, Alex looked thoughtful.
"Well…alright. Three Galleons, eight sickles." Alex said. Fred cocked an eyebrow.
"Think yourself lucky Alex does the pricing. I wouldn't have been so generous." Fred said his hands still held out to Ron.
"But Lexi! I don't even have two galleons." Ron panicked. Fred rolled his eyes and George gave an exasperated sigh.
"Then you'd better put it all back then hadn't you? Mind it's on the right shelves," Alex said making to turn around when a hand gripped her wrist.
"Here, I'll pay for Ron's stuff." Four Galleons were pushing into her palm curling her fingers around them she turned back to the group. Harry had his money bag in his hands and was watching her with a firm look.
"Fine. There you go Fred, ring it up." She said dropping the four gold coins into her brother's hand. George looked between Harry and Alex and smirked.
"Love makes us do funny things, right Lex?" He said, Alex turned her bright brown eyes to his and frowned heavily.
"Shut up George." She said calmly.
"Well you wouldn't have excepted the payment if it had come from Hermione or Ginny, but coming from the handsome famous Harry Potter," He said.
"I said shut up George." She snarled, her eyes narrowed and her cheeks reddening.
"Whatever. You got some competition Gins. Alex is moving in on your man." George said off-handedly, not moving from his place next to Hermione.
Alex fisted George's robes drawing him up to stand just an inch from her, "George, I swear to God, if you don't shut your mouth right now, I'll hex you into next year!" She snapped. Harry saw that George had paled and he looked just a little scared of his sister. He knew what she was capable of. Alex let George go and he walked away to find customers that needed help.
"Is it true Alex? Do you love Harry?" Ginny asked.
"You know what George is like Ginny." Alex replied.
"But is what he said true? Do you love Harry?" Her sister persisted.
Alex scoffed, "No."
"Then why-" Ginny began before Hermione cut her off.
"She doesn't love Harry, Ginny. She likes him." The young witch said smiling. Alex gave Hermione a look before Ginny scurried off to find her mother.
"I don't think she liked that response." Alex said, her eyes found Ginny, standing with her mother. Molly looked up and her eyes narrowed dangerously at Alex.
"Oh no…I'm for it now." Alex said she went to make her getaway but the voice stopped her in her tracks.
"ALEXANDRA CEDRELLA WEASLEY!" Even Harry cringed. Fred and George peered at their sister from their places just feet away from her. They paled and ducked back to what they were doing. Alex slowly turned back around. She came face-to-face with a very angry Molly Weasley. The whole Joke Shop had shook with her voice and had gone deadly silent.
"How dare you give up your Head Girl badge just so you could join in this foolish dream of your brothers?" Mrs Weasley snapped. Alex drew herself up to her full height, Harry knew that no one insulted her brothers and got away with it, this must also go for family members.
"Mum, look around you…this place is packed with customers. This is the only place in Diagon Alley where, in these dark times, people can smile again! People need this place Mum. Fred and George and I are making people smile again an-" Alex's head suddenly snapped to the side, a small chubby boy with straw-blonde hair had just slipped a handful of Peruvian instant darkness powder into his pocket.
"What did I say before? You pocket anything and you'll be paying in more than galleons!" The boy reluctantly put them back, "all of them." Two more were put back. The boy had turned scarlet as the whole store heard what Alex said. Then she turned back to her mother.
"Mum, please this place is just what people need. Fred reckons people need to laugh in times like this. And I agree with him. Mum, I gave up Head Girl, not because I want to get into the Joke Shop. I wanted to go to the Ministry, you know that. I gave up Head Girl and NEWTs because of Professor Umbridge. Look." Alex pulled up the sleeve of her magenta robes and unwrapped her tightly bandaged hand that no one had noticed. She showed her mother the back of her hand. The words: I Deserve This glowed in the partial light of the shop. White against tan. Molly stared at it then down at her daughter.
"She did this to you?" Moly asked, Alex nodded.
She spoke as she wrapped her hand back up, "Yeah, school year just gone. I sat in her office March 31st to the first of May writing that until I couldn't get rid of it. That is the main reason I gave it up. Anyway, I'm sure Caitlyn Adams did a much better job than me." Alex said. Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes…definatly a family affair.