Chapter 9: The Joker and the Thief

Kelly narrowly avoided skewering Finn when he surprised her by appearing through the window of her room. His expressionless face was unnerving and when he gestured for her to follow, Kelly did so hesitantly. Taking her sword and pistol with her, her suspicion grew as he led her through the town's streets with unexplainable ease. It's as if he's been here before, she thought, but his look of endless wonder had been genuine. Something is up... Having travelled quite a distance that day, she knew she ought to be resting but the boy's behaviour had piped her curiosity.

She began regretting her decision to follow the boy when it started raining. There was little shelter from the weather or the cold outside. Very few buildings had any sort of veranda and the ones used for market stalls were mainly to keep the sun off their produce to prevent it from soiling or fading. The sound of their footsteps was soon drowned out by the falling rain and the pitter-patter as it hit the stone road. It was eerie not to be able to hear the twang of drips of water on metal or the gush of full drainpipes. The rain didn't deter the boy though. In fact, he scarcely seemed to notice. Kelly longed for a cloak for the rain dripped down her back and ran into her eyes.

Just when she was drenched to the bone and was about to turn about face and leave the boy to wander wherever he was headed on his own, Finn approached a doorway and the double wooden doors creaked but otherwise didn't refuse his entry. They hadn't been locked. She hastened to follow him and wiped streams of raindrops off her face and arms. Grabbing handfuls of her hair to squeeze water out, she squinted into the darkness of the building.

There was no internal lighting with no fire pits or magi stones to be seen. Through large glass-less windows, an occasional streak of lightning or two would briefly illuminate a few benches, a table, and a mantle. The objects gave her no hints on where they were. Finn strode confidently into the centre of the room while Kelly stumbled after him. They hit a wall of stone and her eyes widened as Finn pushed a stone firmly and she heard some kind of mechanism click into place. A piece of the stone floor slid aside to reveal a narrow staircase.

A secret passage. Just like the ones tour guides show off. How had he known it was there? He's never been to this castle before in his life. She halted at the top of the stairs, uncertain whether continuing was a sensible idea or not. Gallivanting out on stormy night with an aspiring thief really shouldn't be on her to-do list. After all, this passage clearly somewhere underground. She should not be allowing the boy to twist her arm into accompanying him on his little adventures into raiding unsuspecting townsfolk.

Curiosity poked her. No, she reprimanded. Leave it alone. You're going to stay here until the rain dies down a bit outside.

As if to challenge her, the heavens decided to bucket down even heavier. She sighed and relented.

It was a good thing she wasn't claustrophobic. It would be a serious fatal flaw for any thief or agent. On occasion it was necessary to be able to remain perfectly still and calm whilst concealed in a tight space, be it a stationary cupboard, ventilation shaft or, Kelly's most infamous case, suspended from the ceiling and squished between two beams. The memory alone was enough to make her back feel stiff.

She had to stoop to avoid hitting her head on the stone ceiling. Finn, being significantly shorter, had no trouble. Had one of his contacts back at Castle Peel told him about this? she wondered. Where is he planning on going? She thought she had heard the stone slide back into place behind them and grimly wondered if they were now trapped down here. Her internal compass thought she was heading east. This must lead out of castle grounds, she realised. There isn't much more east of the castle than where we were. More troublingly, she could no longer hear the rain. It made her nervous. Are we going to run out of air down here? What if there isn't an exit at the other end? Can we even get out back the way we came?

Much to her relief, the flat stretch of tunnel ended and ascending stairs appeared. Kelly identified their new location as a chapel of some kind. A rather trusting chapel, she added, catching sight of a pile of shiny objects of obvious value. Some had magi-stones embedded into them while others were of intricate design. A few looked like sapphires. It surprised her that such objects were on display. Surely people knew better than to leave these out in the open... unless they're protected somehow. There were no obvious signs of defences so she expected magic. Warily, she approached the collection.

"Another gift? You are too kind."

Kelly spun on her heels, hand gripped tightly on her sword's hilt. A figure loomed out of the shadows and a drop of sweat ran down Kelly's face. He had been standing right by the tunnel entrance. She had walked right past him and hadn't noticed.

"You did bring a gift, yes?" he continued, tilting his head slightly as if perturbed by the idea that she had nothing to give him.

In the corner of her eyes, she noticed Finn step forward. To her horror, he joined the figure's side. "Who are you?" she interrogated. "What do you want?"

"So fiery!" the figure beamed. "So daring! Ooh, and scary," he cackled in delight as she drew her sword. "I like you."

Kelly glanced at Finn whose expression had not changed from the neutral mask she had seen when he snuck through her window. Something was wrong with him. It was as if he was possessed. Was this deranged man using magic on him?

"What have you done to him?"

"He found a gift, my gift, so I watched him." He tapped the side of his head and Kelly interpreted that to mean through use of magic. "He suited until you. You I had to watch. So he would follow, so I could see."

"He's working for you?"

"Such a cold stare for one so angry," the figure commented with a grin. "What a poor way to make friends? It must scare everyone away!" He tapped his fingers against each other to a rhythm. "Your thoughts whisper in my ear. What be this madman? What games is he playing with me? Why would I want to be friends with him? I'll tell you," he confided in a cheeky tone. "Because... I know things. I know how to make a man dance to the playing of a lute, how to make a priest greedy and how to change your mind."

Kelly blanched. He knew magic and was insane. Doubly dangerous.

"You think I mad, senile. You think me dangerous, and you would be right but you I like." He paused and glanced warily at her sword. "Pointed silver, that I don't."

In the bat of an eyelid, he yanked the sword from her hand and sent it flying across the room. Disarmed, she kept her arms in front of her, expecting an attack. He was also unarmed but she slowly slid her hand towards her waist. One step closer and I'll draw the pistol on him, she decided. She kept it concealed for now. Best not to provoke him into lashing out again.

"You know why you are here? Because I saw you." He grinned broadly. "I saw you deceive and sneak and I found it fun. And then, you do something different, something I've not seen before. You open those pesky zappy-zap-zap locks and not get zappy-zap-zapped. Then you get more interesting as you feign death. You almost fooled even me. I thought I'd lost some fun when you were stabbed."

A chill ran down Kelly's spine. He's been watching me? How? Why? What does he want?

"Thought I'd have to watch squire-girl instead. Not so fun. But you came back and now are to invade the witch's castle. I very much want to see that."

Kelly attempted to translate his words and gather meaning. He knows I plan to infiltrate the castle and rescue Ace? Finn must have told him. That little sneak! I knew we should never have trusted him but the Doctor had insisted on allowing him to accompany us. Worse, the boy has heard everything. The Doctor made no attempt to keep him out of the loop.

Bitterly she acknowledged that she was almost equally to blame. She had given in and discussed the plans while Finn could hear and she had stupidly followed the traitor out into the night. But had he given up the information willingly? It might not impact heavily on the situation itself but it mattered to Kelly. In her eyes, there was a distinct difference between being manipulated into betraying someone and doing it flat out. His blank look caused her to suspect he was in some kind of trance. He didn't seem to be in control of himself. That the man saw the need to bewitch him could only mean Finn was not acting of his own accord. He had not been persuaded. He was being forced.

There must be a way to break the spell.

"We should be friends, you and me," the man continued. "You want you to succeed and I want you to succeed. Same thing! We work together, yes?"

Uh-uh. No, not happening. You're completely unhinged, a stalker and have done something to Finn.

"Boy not hurt," he announced as if aware of her thoughts. "Just... sleeping. Enough about him. I know much but you know something I don't. Two things." His head tilted to an unnatural angle. "You know me but I not know you."

Know him? I don't know a thing about him except that he's mad and I really really should stop myself from ending up neck deep in these situations.

"You know me, you know where we are, but who is you? I much want to know."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," she told him.

"You know my name," he prompted. "Names are powerful magic. What is yours?"

Kelly hesitated, unsure what power he might have over her if she answered. Finn was effectively his puppet. Was that magic stemmed from knowing his name?

The man hummed to himself as though solving a difficult problem in his mind. Kelly hid her unease behind her masked expression. Magic she could see was one thing, magic she could not was another. Is he using telepathic magic? Is he in my mind? What could he do to me if he knew my name? Will I end up like Finn? Her frustration grew as she felt more and more helpless. She had no idea how to defend her mind. This magic didn't seem to need contact. Rubber was useless.

The man tilted his head. "But I see my name branded on your aura. The boy and Eight-Fingers saw it too."

Eight-Fingers? He must mean the man Finn had brought her to for information.

"But I not know why!" the man sulked. "You are not my vassal nor my kin. I do not understand. I must understand. That is why you are here, in my church."

His church? He owns this? But there's no way that could be true. He wasn't a religious leader or figure at all, just a madman, a sly scheming manipulator who was as dangerous as he was unpredictable. Who on Earth would revere him?

Wait.

Church... She knew of a church to the east of this island; St Ninian's; a church who had been battered and seized by a mythical creature. Later known as… Kelly's eyes widened.

"You're Saint Trinian?" she asked. "You're the one who tricked the creature?"

The man beamed in delight. "Close. So close. I am the Trickster, yes, but the creature and I are one and the same."

Kelly's shoulders shook and she could not help but laugh. The perfect con; creating a problem then promising the solution in return for payment. She could see the events playing out in her mind. Despite embodying insanity, she believed him. He was a joker. He used magic to play tricks on people and take things he wanted.

She watched as he brushed a hand through Finn. It passed right through. It was an illusion. Instead of throwing fireballs or making objects fly at her or have the ground open up and swallow her, he had conjured up an illusion and tempted her to follow. Anyone capable of using magic the way he could would surely be able to use it to harm her. He had not.

If he had wanted her dead, he could have managed it a hundred ways already. He could have led her into the tunnel and trapped her there. He could have caused an earthquake. He could have thrown a knife while her back was turned or slit her throat while she slept. He had not which Kelly interpreted to mean that he was unlikely to do so. She felt herself relaxing in the man's presence. He was a stranger yet she felt she understood him in ways she wasn't sure she could explain.

There was this... feeling that he gave her, the same kind of feeling that swelled up inside when she heard stories of the exploits of her peers, successors or predecessors. It was a sameness that she recognised despite the differences between them. He used magic to achieve his ends in the same way Kelly would use technology to achieve hers. Where she might loop a CCTV cam, he might temporarily turn himself invisible or cause people to see illusions. Both methods served the same purpose. They were just different in method.

My 'aura' must have his name imprinted on it, she realised, because that's part of how I see myself. I am St Trinian but not in the way he is. To him, it is a name. To me, it is a title, an order of like-minded people. How on Earth could she explain what his name meant in her world?

"I come from... another place," she ventured. "There are these... people. We call ourselves St Trinian but where that name came from was lost. That is why I came here. I wanted to find the answer."

The man looked bewildered but glowed with glee. "There are more like you?"

She nodded. "Are you some kind of magician?" she asked.

He laughed. "A wizard? No, not me. Wizards and witches wish they were me. I am the Trickster, not human like you."

So he really was some kind of supernatural creature. "You mentioned a witch before," she prompted.

"The witch who controls the castle," he told her, a dark look growing in his eyes.

Kelly knew a grudge when she saw one.

"Her magic is immensely powerful. You won't get past her magical defences."

"I have a bit of magic of my own," she replied with a smirk.

"Yes," he grinned. "Yes you do." His mouth formed an 'o' as a thought occurred to him. "Your friend, is she like you?"

Kelly paused but saw no harm in telling him. "She is."

He cackled with glee then the delight dropped off his face like a brick falling from a plane. "The witch has her?" He hissed like a profoundly disturbed lizard. Kelly nearly jumped out of her skin in fright. "How dare she?"

Sparks rippled on his clothes and the air around him shimmered as if brimming with energy. He closed his eyes and the shimmered died down and the sparks disappeared. Having composed himself, he opened his eyes.

"Well," he began in a tone of finality, "you will be getting her out then. But first you must see..." He frowned then stepped forward, placing his hands on her temples.

"What-" was all she managed before her vision swam.

She saw colours and lights fly in front her, the Trickster fading into thin air. Her stomach dropped as the floor disappeared. She had no voice with which to scream as the ground raced towards her. Her decent stopped with a whiplash like jolt as though from a sudden stomp on the breaks of a car. She massaged her neck and stared blearily into the fuzziness around her. Assembled piece by piece like a jig-saw puzzle on fast-forward, her surroundings came into existence.

Where am I? she wondered. Have I teleported or something? I don't recognise this place.

Thud, thud, thud.

Kelly stiffened as a man dressed in chainmail with a red and gold cape entered the room. Sliding into a corner, she held her breath. Her throat tightened. Those are the Peel Castle colours. The guard sat down on a stool in front of a small table and set down a tankard. Pulling the helmet off his head, he set it on the table.

Thud, thud, thud.

Kelly scanned the room for the cause of the sound. She thought it had been the guard's footsteps but apparently not. She couldn't find the source but did not dare move in case she was spotted. The guard did not investigate the sound, merely rolled his eyes and shook his head. Unconcerned, he downed another mouthful of ale.

Thud, thud, thud.

The guard scowled. "Shut up!" he commanded.

In frustration, he picked up the tankard and threw it. The tankard flew towards Kelly. She hurried to bring her hands up to protect herself but the tankard and its contents passed right through her. Bewildered, she turned around and blinked at the splash of liquid against the wall, right where her head ought to have been.

I'm... a ghost? Kelly had no other way of describing what had happened. The tankard went right through her. How? Even more startling, the guard ignored her existence even though he had looked directly at her when he'd thrown the tankard.

"Make me!" yelled a voice. Shortly after, the banging recommenced with increased volume, determined to annoy the irritated guardsman.

Ace! Kelly raced towards her voice, not caring if the guard saw her or not, and found her friend sitting cross-legged on the stone floor with a bowl in her hand.

"You think I don't know what happened to the last man who tried?" the guard called back, oblivious to Kelly standing between them.

Another inmate laughed. "Methinks he's afraid."

That voice was also familiar. Kelly had to do a double take to recognise Ancelyn. His face was badly bruised and his clothes had been replaced with little more than rags. Kelly turned back in alarm but her fears were proven wrong. Ace appeared unharmed save for bruises and small cuts on her arms and fingers.

The guard marched over to the cells and Kelly shivered as he walked through her. "Shut up," he bellowed.

"I guess I'll have to keep this up then." Ace punctuated the sentence by slamming the bowl against the wall in a series of thuds.

The guard gritted his teeth and returned to his post, passing through Kelly once more. Kelly barely understood how she had gotten here but she was not going to pass up the opportunity she had landed in. She did not hesitate to slam her fist into the back of the guard's head. She stared as her fist disappeared from view, cut from the wrist down. The blow had no effect, nor did pulling her fist out of the guard's head. She tried again to no avail. Next she tried to take the key from his belt. Her fingers passed through it and grabbed at air.

She tried to shove him against the wall and shrieked when both he and the wall gave way to her and she found herself a hundred metres above the ocean and rocky cliffs. Clawing frantically at the air, she attempted to find purchase on the tower wall she had passed through. A minute later she stopped flailing around. She had not fallen a millimetre. It was as if there was an invisible platform beneath her. With a deep breath, she took a step towards the wall, followed by another and another. She reached her hand through the wall then a leg, then her head.

She shivered as she set foot back in the dungeons again. Ace was still pounding at the wall and the guard was looking more and more frustrated. Unable to stand the pounding any longer, the guard stood up and walked through Kelly to leave the room. She still flinched even though she felt nothing. It wasn't something she thought she could ever get used to. As soon as the guard was out of sight, Ace dropped the bowl and darted at the cell door, grasping the lock in both hands. Bracing one leg against the bars of the cell, she tugged and twisted. The lock resisted her efforts and, despite being repeatedly beaten against the bars, didn't bear a single mark of damage.

"Ace?" Kelly called. "Please tell me you can hear me."

Receiving no reply, she side-stepped into Ace's cell and shouted in her ear, but Ace didn't turn or even falter. Kelly sighed, her fears proven correct. I'm here, for all the good that does, she thought bitterly. I can't touch anything, I can't do anything and nobody can hear me. It's like watching a video feed and equally as frustrating because nothing I do does anything. All I can do is watch! Absently she noticed her hands pass through the wall as she tried to pound them to vent her anger.

"Gnnnnnaah!" grunted Ace as she violently smashed the lock against the bars again.

"What are you even doing?" Kelly sighed aloud. "You're going to break the outside of the lock and be twice as stuck. I know I taught you better than that. Were you even paying attention? You should be trying to manipulate the inside of the lock or the keyhole instead." She knew her rant was falling upon deaf ears but felt compelled to say it aloud. As unlikely and idealistic as it was, she had a faint hope that maybe if she kept talking, Ace might hear something. It was a farfetched dream but it beat fuming in silence.

"This being the eleventh attempt, one would think it would be as fruitless as the last ten," commented Ancelyn next door in a tired voice. "Yet you keep trying. Tis pointless."

"Yes, it is," Kelly agreed, "especially when you're doing it wrong!"

With a grunt, Ace fell backwards as her grip on the lock slipped. She pushed herself off the ground and turned her head to face her fellow inmate. Kelly jumped as Ace's eyes met hers. "I've been in more prisons than you've had hot dinners, tinhead. I'm nowhere near done yet."

Kelly's heart fell as she realised she wasn't the one being addressed. "Well, you certainly weren't the one to break yourself out," she commented. "Jabbering until your captors are driven insane is more likely your general strategy than escaping through stealthy means. You couldn't be discrete if you tried."

If only you could hear me, she thought as she hovered her hand above Ace's shoulder. Maybe then I could have talked you through picking that lock and how to get out of here.

"Tis a valiant effort, lady squire," Ancelyn commented but Ace snapped at him before he could continue.

"One more flirt and you're gonna lose a tooth."

The knight was momentarily disheartened before adopting a slightly goofy grin. "But, how ever will I be able to smile at you without all my teeth?"

Kelly's lip twitched into a grin at the expression of horror on Ancelyn's face as Ace let off a short tirade of obscenities he must consider far too vulgar for a lady's ears. Resigned to the fact that she could not assist Ace at present, Kelly sat in front of the lock and examined it. She found she had a better view of the locking mechanism if she pushed her face halfway through the lock, as nonsensical as it sounded and as impossible as it should have been. Magical, of course. For a few seconds she entertained the wishful idea that perhaps she could interact with her surroundings using a hairpin's 'anti-magic' properties but it too passed through the lock.

Ace had given up on the lock and was now digging at the stone wall with the bowl.

"I wouldn't go that way," Kelly advised. "Big drop. Pointy rocks. Believe me, I've seen it." She paused, a thought occurring to her.

I can't interact with anything but I can observe.

She got up, glanced at Ace once more then left the room. She realised that she had been wasting the opportunity she had been given. She wasn't sure how long she would remain in this place and state but it couldn't be forever, right? While she had joked about haunting the twins from beyond the grave if they ever burnt down the school, she had no intention of living in an abstract state where she could do nought but watch. It would drive her mad.

The passageway from the dungeons was devoid of people. Not that it mattered seeing as she didn't exist. Or was it that she was simply undetectable by any of their senses? Kelly gave up trying to explain what it was. It made her head hurt and it was much more interesting pondering the usefulness of this ability or magic or whatever it was.

This is a hundred times better than a blueprint, thought Kelly as she made mental notes about the route and positions of the guards, columns and doors she encountered. Much better than a simulation too. Polly would kill to have something that could do this. Imagine how you could use it; scope out locations, identify items and where they were kept, pinpoint flaws in the defences or possible escapes routes... The list went on and on. You could spy on people without even needing to be there or be hindered by distance or hiding place. You could literally stand right between two people and eavesdrop on their conversation without either suspecting a thing.

This, Kelly decided, was magic in its finest. Healing, sure, that was useful. Guarding valuables, effective. But this was in a whole different league.

Apart from the obvious flaw of not being able to influence anything happening, it was a marvellous ability, spell or application of technology. It made Kelly giddy while simultaneously driving her insane. If only Ace's welfare wasn't at stake.

She turned a corner and found herself in the courtyard. As if prompted by her arrival there, the air shimmered in front of her. She whirled around and watched the jigsaw disassemble itself. She didn't remain in the empty void of nothing for long. With the same jolt that had announced her arrival, she returned to the church, gasping for breath. She heaved as her lungs protested as though she had starved them of oxygen for several minutes.

"There," announced the Trickster, a devious smile on his face. "I'm sure you understand the value of my gift."

"Thank you," Kelly panted, regaining her balance, "but you didn't show me that just because. What do you want?"

He grinned like a loon and rubbed his hands together. He showed them to her with a flourish and revealed a bobby pin in his hand.

Kelly immediately reached to her head and noticed one was missing. He must have taken it while I was over there, she realised with a sigh. I didn't feel it at all. Had I been completely detached from my body or is he just the master thief the rumours had said he was? She still found it hard to wrap her head around what exactly had happened. Was my mind transported or was I turned into some kind of spirit? Honestly, she thought, I don't know why I even bother trying to justify each and every strange things happening around me. I ought to cut to the chase and just assume it is magic, seeing as it's everywhere doing just about everything, and leave it at that.

He turned the hairpin over in his palm. "This interests me. This works as some kind of... anti-magic. I've never seen anything like it. A fair trade, I think you'll agree."

Kelly heard Ace's words echoing in her mind. "We need to be so careful what we bring when we go back in time or to other planets. You shouldn't bring things that don't belong."

But this had to be different, right? Ace had said that when we thought we were in the Middle Ages. But we haven't travelled back in time or to another planet. This is a whole different dimension. The same rules couldn't apply, could they?

Bullshit, cried her rational side. Don't be delusional, it reprimanded. Of course they apply. Rubber does not belong here and you know full well it doesn't.

"You didn't even give me a chance to object," Kelly told the Trickster angrily. "You just went and did it without asking."

"I knew you would say no," the Trickster smiled.

He was asking for something Kelly knew she shouldn't let him have. Now she scrambled for a way to get out of the deal he'd pressed upon her. "There isn't anything else you'd prefer?" she asked, trying to negotiate.

He examined the hairpin intently. "But this is so enchanting in its defiance of my understanding."

"I could tell you of my world instead."

She was sure Ace would also object to sharing knowledge of future times and places but considered it the lesser of two evils. Rubber in an electrical magic world far outweighed a few tales about a world a thousand years and a dimension away.

He briefly considered it but shook his head. Kelly realised he was not going to be persuaded. Not even the pistol was going to make him change his mind. She swallowed. "I'm afraid I can't let you have it."

A cold stare sent a tremble down her spine. "You are in my debt, human, and this is what I desire from you."

She steeled herself and clenched her fists. "It's not a fair deal. You did... whatever you did to make me see what was there without making your terms clear! I did not ask for it, nor did I have the chance to refuse it."

"It is still a debt," he hissed quietly at her.

A debt I cannot afford to pay, she thought.

He seemed to read her mind. "You do not have a choice." He closed his hand around the hairpin. "The deal is done. It is not up for negotiation."

"What if we make a new deal?" Kelly proposed, snatching at threads.

He smirked. "Clever girl, but no. Nothing you possess would be worth trading."

Kelly swallowed and reluctantly inquired, "Not even my name?"

He paused, a curiously hungry look in his eyes. "What would I want with a name?"

Kelly parroted back his own words."Names are powerful magic."

He scowled. "Usually I would accept such an offer. However, I must decline. Claiming you as mine is tempting but this magic... I cannot surrender."

Kelly swallowed. So her hunch was right. A person's name was seen as their soul. As far as she knew a person's name gave someone complete power over them. Yet people gave their names freely so there must be more to it. Perhaps it was because the Trickster was a Fey. Perhaps they could extract a true name from someone. As glad as she was that she wasn't about to find out what the consequences of selling her name were, she was forced to accept that she could not take the hairpin back. She was forced to admit he was every bit as cunning a figure as she had imagined although she had not anticipated she would fall victim to his tricks or that it would be he who sought her out. He really was good.

It was clear there was no way she could overpower him or steal it back. At least, not on her own.