10
After the dinner and long talks and histories about our adventures that children were begging us to tell, everyone dispersed in different directions. Lissa asked me to switch rooms with Christian, so they could spend the night together as she wasn't sure I wanted to be left alone with Adrian, especially in Dimitri's home. She was right I didn't want to, feeling like I was betraying him once more, though Lissa also had a hard time, not to mention Christian. He and Dimitri became close friends, always ready to stand for each other. And though they weren't such a good team in a fight as Christian and me, they had some pretty successful encounters with Strigoi. I understood that they needed each other and it was my duty to protect Lissa and now, when Dimitri was gone, Christian too, and to ensure her mental safety. So I had no choice but agree, they come first, remember?
Staying one on one with Adrian in a confined space was unbearable, I could hardly breathe and though I knew, that he almost slept, I could fall asleep myself. With my sensitive hearing I knew that Lissa and Christian were talking in low voices about me... I knew than even if they were criticizing me and my intention to bring Dimitri back, and they were, I wasn't going to listen though my curiosity begged me to. That was too much for me to handle, I needed to breathe, needed to start thinking clearly and it wasn't going to happen in this small room with Adrian so close and a couple behind the wall.
I took a quick look at my suitcase and put on the dress I saw the first.
"Damn it!" I muttered as it was one of Adrian's favorite; at first I even wanted to change but decided out of it wanting badly to be as far from this room as possible.
It was a wonderful night, the sky was studded with stars and the air smelt of river, I could even hear chirring here and there. It was a long time ago when I lived on human schedule since sunshine did Moroi no good as well as Strigoi, and that's why it was the safest time to rest in order to be able to be bright, cheerful and ready to defend at sunset.
I was sitting on the porch and thinking about tomorrow. It was going to be a very hard day as it was the day of the funeral. And seemed hundred times harder considering the fact that it was going to be the second time when I buried Dimitri, only last time he was alive, or more exactly undead, and killed people when I mourned him before the eyes of his family. Tomorrow his funeral was going to be real, the thought of it made me shiver, or there might be no funeral at all, if Adrian succeeds. I crossed my fingers for a chance.
The night was beautiful and the thought of the sun that would shine in the morning it was getting even better. I wanted to share my excitement with somebody though in the same time I didn't want to be disturbed. I had never before enjoyed being alone, before this night I had always suffered when everyone left me, started to analyze myself or try to find the reason of them leaving, find the worst parts of me. They weren't hard to find, there were plenty of them, but none was good enough for the reason of my friends making me stay one on one with myself. Even when I was in jail being under suspicion of killing Queen Tatiana, Adrian's aunt, he believed in me, in my innocence (in this particular case) and never left me, it was hard for him, but he stayed loyal to me. That's what love makes to people, right?
But this time it was different, me being alone was like a breath of fresh air, an opportunity to clear my thoughts and sort them out. Sitting there, I felt relieved and was easy at my mind. It was the best time to talk to Dimitri for the second time, hopefully not the last one. I let my mental guard down and the ghosts started rushing into me.
Only this night and thins place made me stronger, I was thinking clearly, and I did it like that only once before - when Mason helped us find the den of the Strigoi. I didn't have to shout at them, I just raised my head and said in a low, calm but steady voice, "Stop!"
And they froze. Looking at one another they were trying to understand what made so powerful.
"I need only one of you, the rest can leave!" I said with the same confidence.
And at once the back yard that was full of ghosts cleared, leaving me alone with Dimitri, flickering in the moonlight.
"You wanted to talk? I came," he said coming closer.
I was surprised a little that he wasn't mad at me, but showed no hint of it. Instead, I said straight away,
"Yes, I wanted you to know the answer."
"I already know it," he said with a smile.
"It's so obvious, right? I would've said yes, even if you offered me that at our first training," my smile was full of love. "It was never easy to be with you, the universe always found something to separate us, but in the end... we have won."
"Not such a good victory, considering that I'm dead," he chuckled. I wanted to punch him, but he was a ghost, no flesh - no effect. That made me regain consciousness and realize all the complication of this situation.
"Hopefully it won't last long," I told him, hoping to see excitement, but saw only sadness.
"It's not going to happen, Roza," a hint of pain flashed through my whole body at the sound of my name, his said it so intimately that I was close to losing control. "I'm not coming back."
"Why? I want you back so bad, you can't leave me alone, can't make me face the reality where there are no you, it's not fair!" I cried.
"I'm already doing it. And this doesn't mean I don't love you, I do, and this love is overwhelming, it makes me the strongest here, but it's just too late, don't you understand? Why do you think Lissa refused to do it?"
"I've never asked her!"
"But you know that she would've said 'no'."
"Adrian agreed," I was stubborn.
"He loves you, he can't say 'no'! And by the way how do you think this will affect Adrian? Is he that powerful? Is Spirit going to ignore such a huge amount of magic used? Do you really think he can handle it?"
"He's very strong, a superhero!" I said with pride and affection that was impossible to hide.
"And what if he did it and I am back, what will happen to him? How soon do you think Spirit will take control over him?"
I wasn't thinking about it, I was so preoccupied with my own feelings, worries and wishes that I totally forgot about how Adrian must have thought of the whole situation. Dimitri was right. An attempt to revive him for me is akit to suicide attempt. I glanced at Dimitri and he caught my gaze. We were sitting there and I was trying to make myself say those awful words.
"If I let you go, will you be happy out there?"
"I don't know, Roza," he said smiling a little, "but you will, just not with me. You have to accept that you feelings for Adrian are strong."
"I... I can't love him like I love you," I mumbled. "He's different, but he's amazing..."
It was so weird to discuss Adrian with Dimitri, but there was no guilt anymore. I knew Dimitri was right and I had to accept that.
"I still have something to do, right?" I asked and saw him nod. "Our last fight."
"Yes, Roza, but not now, tonight, but not now," he said seriously, "wait a little."
And he was gone, leaving me alone. I wondered when the time for revenge would come, when a rain drop fell on the tip of my nose making me giggle.
"You're going to get soaked to the skin," I gave a start of Adrian's voice. "I couldn't sleep when you were gone," he said apologetically.
"But you need to rest, it was a long day," I smiled him. "And you will have to do it without me, I'm sorry."
"What are you talking about?" he was confused.
"I have something to do, alone, and you will have to stay here and cover for me if I won't be back in time for the funeral," I explained. "Promise?"
He hesitated a minute but finally nodded in agreement.
We didn't need to talk anymore sitting on the porch of Dimitri's house. He was close, very close and it felt so right being like this with him. I leaned closer to him rested my head on his shoulder. It was an ideal moment and no one wanted to disturb it, but we both knew it wasn't going to last forever.
"Tomorrow's a big day?" he whispered.
"No big day, Adrian," I felt exhausted. "Just funeral, last opportunity to say Dimitri goodbye. And afterwards I will need you to be with me, I'm pretty sure I'll be a mess."
"I will always be there for you, my little Dhampir."
I felt like the world worshiped me. I turned his head so that we faced each other, for a couple of seconds stared in his green eyes and then kissed him. It was the first time since we met again when I kissed him with no purpose, just because my feelings told me too. It was time, I understood that immediately.
"Now, go!" I said quietly. Without any objections he stood up and kissed me goodbye on the forehead. He almost closed the entrance door, when I felt the urge to say one more thing.
"I love you."