Author's Notes
The following is not a chapter but a separate self-sufficient EXTRA. The original in French was posted the day after Michael Jackson died, at only 50. Though I was no Jackson fan, the man was an icon and some of his songs have a meaning for me. As a tribute to the King of Pop, I'm offering you free of charge a little interlude dedicated to the relationship of CARLISLE AND ESME.
Disclaimer: I own copies of the Twilight Saga books … but not the copy rights. ;)
BlueNote: Translation: Bluelinote
In some OCC AU I would have written Twilight and I would be the quill-mother of this Carlisle and this Esme. In this dimension, though, and probably for the best, my name is neither Stephenie nor Kaori. In their name, enjoy.
ELLE: STARRY, STARRY NIGHT
-EXTRA-
… Met by Grace ...
[Song] Heal the World by Michael Jackson.
[ESME'S POV]
"Esme, darling, wake up! It's 7 a.m. already."
Oh, no! Not yet..
"Mmmm! Okay, Mum. Give me a minute." I groaned, burying my face deeper into the pillow.
"Sorry, love, but you're already running much too late. You don't want to miss your first day back to school, do you?"
I gave no answer, just waiting for my mother to leave my room, allowing me a few extra minutes of reprieve.
"Okay, you have five more minutes. Past that deadline, I'll have to get you out of that bed with a bucketful of water. You got me?"
When the door closed behind her, I did not move. Though I had not yet opened my eyes, I knew the sun was flooding in through the window. I could feel its rays on the naked skin of my arm, and their heat kept me from going back to sleep. Finally, I blinked and gradually adjusted to the light. I could see that the sky was clear. Not a cloud would come on the horizon of this day. Perhaps this was a sign. Perhaps I would be healthy again. Perhaps I would get my life back. A normal life.
I had been living with leukemia since I was little. 'Chronic Myeloid Leukemia' as my doctors called it. It made me a frequent visitor at the hospital, and I'm not mentioning the visits to the specialists' and blood-testing labs. From as long as I could remember, I had been having my meals along with multifarious medicines and my arms had always been marked with myriad syringe punctures. My parents, my mother above all, would worry themselves sick the moment I put my nose outside the house and whenever I fell, you would have thought it was the end of the world for them. They would fly into such a panic.
Today was a special day. I was entering the hospital to get operated on. After something like a decade spent waiting, they were going to do an allogenic marrow graft on me. Don't ask me what it is. I've heard so much medical jargon so far – enough to last me a whole lifetime – that I don't even bother any more to try and understand it. Nothing mattered outside the fact that this operation should be the best solution for me.
They expected me at 8:30 but everybody knew that all the admissions at the hospital were done at the same time. Even if we arrived there at the appointed time, we would still be kept waiting for an hour at the very least before we could rally the room I'd be allotted.
I prepared my things, had my breakfast in no time and we were off on the road. I mused away, while abstract-mindedly watching the landscape go by out the window. It was my way of escaping. I imagined myself living a normal life, having children, a family. I tried to picture the face my husband would have, his smile, the tone of his voice. But above all, in that very instant, I promised myself, that should the operation be successful, I would make the most of my life. I would do everything to live it to the fullest, until I was old and I could die without regrets.
We reached our destination without incident. As I had expected, an endless line of people was stretching from the admission desk. My mother took her place in it while I aimlessly roamed the corridors that branched off the entrance hall. I turned a corner, and bumped hard into somebody.
Surprised and wincing from the pain, I looked up. His face, both youthful and grave, came as an immediate shock. The man was the most beautiful person I had ever seen. I melted under the stare of his blue eyes. Lightning struck. And I was the one who did not believe in love at first glance. Except that he wore a white coat. And I loathed everything that reminded me of this place. I stepped back, horror-stricken, tripped on my feet and falling hard, find myself with a sore bottom the next second.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I had not seen you. Are you okay? How's your head? Does it hurt?"
His velvet voice rang like a chime in my mind. It reminded me of the jingling you can hear upon pushing the door in stores. For an instant, it felt as if I was caught in a whirlwind and … then...
nothing...
…
When I came to, I was lying on the floor, and he was holding me in his arms. My mother was beside him but I paid no attention to her. I was focussing it all on the feel of him. Worry lined his face, but I could also make out something else there, though what it was exactly escaped me. He lifted a lock of my hair off my face before tucking it away behind my ear and he smiled to me.
"Esme, are you back with us?"
"Yes, I think so. Wh-what happened?" I stuttered with difficulty, while trying to get back on my feet, in vain.
"You fainted. You must have sustained some concussion when we collided."
"Esme Anne Platt, don't you ever give me such a fright again! My mother cut in before going on. "Why did you wander off like that? If that nice doctor had not been there who knows what would have become of you!"
"Mum, I'm sorry. I was just trying to distract my mind, trying to thing of something else..."
"Well, that is done, now. Honestly, what were you thinking of? Please, excuse my daughter, Dr...Cullen. She won't bother you any longer."
"Actually, I'm not a doctor yet. I'm still a house doctor for the moment. But don't worry Esme has been no bother at all. Not the least bother in the world."
"Ahah! You're so charming. Esme, can you walk, now? Let's go, then. We can go up to your room. See you next time, Doctor Cullen."
She grabbed hold of my arm and lead us away briskly. I was lost to everything. I could still feel the tingles where his hand had been. I relished the feel of them on my skin, wrapped up in the memory of my flesh, just as I had been only minutes before in his arms. Carlisle...I had read his name on the hospital badge. Carlisle Cullen. In the deepest of my being, a resolution built up. If the operation was a success, I would do whatever it took to see him again. Without hesitation. I would not waver on the threshold of my new normal life.
Well, it happened that that life begged to begin even sooner. He came to see me after visiting time.
"Hey, Esme. Are you okay?"
"Yes, but... What are you doing here? You're not my doctor."
I was more than surprised by his presence in my room while all the time my heart was simply swelling with happiness. It radiated throughout my whole body. He must have misunderstood my words because suddenly he looked hurt and I immediately felt guilty.
"No, it's not what I meant. I'm glad you're here and..."
"It's okay." He interrupted me.
I remained silent. Blushing with shame and at a loss for words.
"I just wanted to make sure you were all right. When somebody faint into my arms there's nothing surprising in that I should want some news, is there?"
I let out an embarrassed laugh.
"I'm sorry,..."
"Nonsense. Don't apologize. You're ill. You must concentrate on yourself."
"If the doctor says so..." I said, trying to shake off the awkward atmosphere.
He chuckled.
Yet, my previous cheerful mood was now replaced by a more sullen state of mind. Even though I pretended the contrary to my parents to reassure them, being here, all alone in this alien hospital room, was wearing me down. Here I felt lonelier than ever.
"Is something the matter?"
"No." I answered unconvincingly.
"Esme, you can talk to me. I may not be a doctor yet, but I'm good at listening. I'm worrying about you."
"Thank, Doctor."
"No. No 'Doctor'. Just Carlisle."
My lips stretched into a smile. An answer to his. The atmosphere changed and we remained that way for a moment. Just smiling. Just gazing into each other's eyes. Then I came back to reality.
"Thank you … Carlisle."
Saying his name filled me with elation. Carlisle...Carlisle...I could have spent hours saying his name again and again and again, savouring the fullness of the liquid sounds in my mouth, bathing in the lush swelling of the wave rolling over my tongue, relishing its luscious contortions as it wrapped around the syllables and lapped at their richness.
"My pleasure, Esme. I must go back to my department, now, but if you have a problem, whatever it is, have me called. I leave my pager number here, okay?"
"Okay."
"Take care, Esme. Have a good night."
"Goodnight Carlisle."
With these words, he walked noiselessly out of my room. I sank into my bed and took a deep breath. Had this conversation even been real? Or had I just dreamed it?
He was for real. Because, he came again the next day to wish me luck before my operation, and afterwards, he was the first face I saw when I woke up and found myself back into my room. He was leaning over the edge of my bed, and he was smiling to me. I tried to smile in response, but I was still rather groggy from the anesthetics. I vaguely heard him talk to me before he disappeared again. He swiftly walked away and I sank back into sleep.
Weeks went by in a flash. Winter followed Fall and already the hallways were being decked with Christmas decorations. He would come and visit me every day, every evening. And we would talk. About everything and nothing. And we would laugh. A lot. At first, I had thought he was doing this out of his sense of duty, answering the call of his conscience, but soon, I had come to wonder whether he might... But our talks never once strayed in that direction, and I felt content with the simple delight I took in the moments spent in his company. Our relationship became more casual and the easy closeness made my days.
Finally, I could go back home. On the Day I was to be released he looked cheerful but his countenance was grave as he walked in over the threshold of my room.
"Good morning, Esme. How are you? Pleased to be out soon?"
"Oh, yes. You have no idea. I miss my own bed. But..."
"Yes...?"
Should I go for it? I had promised myself that I would declare to him, but wasn't it out of place? Against the rules? Within me, fear had opened the gates to uncertainty and self-doubt.
He locked his eyes to mine and called my name.
"Esme?"
"Carlisle, why did you come visit me so often?"
"I'm sorry. I didn't think it was a problem to you and..."
"No, it was not. Don't worry. I just wanted to know."
"Did it worry you so much?"
Then he looked overcome, and I hated it. I would have given everything to take the agony off his face.
"No. In fact, I was very happy with it." I quietly stated.
"Ah?"
His face lit up and he stared at me.
"Yes. Really. Actually, Carlisle, I..."
"Esme, I..."
We stopped before laughing nervously.
"You go first."
"No, ladies first."
"I give you my turn with pleasure."
He wavered and then suddenly decided to go for it:
"Do you think we could... see each other? I mean, outside. Not here?"
I didn't answer right away. All this seemed so unreal! Was it a dream? I pinched myself to make sure and saw that Carlisle was really there, apprehensively waiting for an answer. That's when I took his hand into mine.
"I want it, too. As soon as possible."
Our first date took place on Christmas Eve. As he had lost both his parents, mine had invited him over at our place for the Christmas dinner.
We shared our first kiss under the Tree in the middle of the town square with fireworks crackling and blooming over our united heads.
We got married soon after. Carlisle had wanted to do everything according to the rules. He had obtained my father's and then my mother's blessings.
Our wedding was held in the strictest intimacy. It was by no means grand but it was perfect. I loved him. He loved me. We loved each other and that was all that mattered. No matter that he was still in his studies. No matter that I was just out of high school. Our union was just destined to be. I was now Esme Anne Cullen. And this woman I was now, was so happy, and so proud to have such a husband as Carlisle.
Our first years were difficult in so far as Carlisle was often absent from the house. But when we were together again, the void vanished. I had chosen for a husband a man who was wholeheartedly dedicated to the others. It was part of him. It was what made him the extraordinary human being he was and whom I loved. I could not take it away without losing the man he was.
When he passed his doctorate, he had more time for me and after having traveled the United States for a few months, we came back to Seattle where we settled. He found a position in a renowned hospital and made a name for himself in the milieu. I got pregnant a few months later. We greeted Edward into our lives with immense joy. He made us a family. Carlisle had worried about a possible resurgence of my leukemia in his genes, but he was perfect and perfectly healthy. I cried my eyes out with relief. Could such untainted bliss be real? Edward had made my dreams come true.
Alice followed fast after him. I gave up work temporarily to look after my two wonders and make the most of every minute spent with them.
When we reached the end of the remission phase, Carlisle and I took in my latest results with a joy even more intense, if that was possible, than when our children were born. At long last, I was cured. We told my parents. They jumped out for joy and celebrated this best news of our lives by keeping their grand-children overnight while Carlisle and I had our own celebration. He took me to a fancy restaurant for dinner and we made love all night long after that. We fell asleep as dawn was breaking, satisfied and at peace. Life was in front of us, waiting to be lived.
"Mum, I'm going out. Tanya is waiting for me at the mall."
"Be careful, Edward."
" Sure will, Mum. And don't forget to take your medicine at 4pm, okay? If you don't, I'll tell Dad."
I rolled my eyes. He was his father's spitting image. The same ingenuous air about his face, and that small smile of his, which made me melt each time he smiled it. Yet, I knew that behind the mask of the apparent gaiety, Edward was not happy. I also knew that Tanya was the cause of his unhappiness. She was not the girl for him. However, I never voiced my opinion, hoping that my son would realize soon that she was not worthy of him. No, indeed, I didn't like that Tanya much, but how was one supposed to confront her teenage boy, uh? I could but pray for him.
"Come on, now, off with you, you unworthy son!"
As soon as he had gone, Alice burst into the kitchen. She planted a kiss on my cheek, and after having fished out a few snacks, returned to her room in one swift whirlwind motion. She had recently started drawing a book of miscellanies and she wanted to be disturbed under no circumstances. Deep inside of me, I knew nonetheless that...
Carlisle rejoined me at last. He had just finished his nap and wanted to enjoy those last minutes of reprieve before going back to work.
"The kids are already gone?"
"No, just Edward. Only to carry a ton load of shopping bag in the wake of Tanya, I suppose."
"Ahah! And Alice?"
"In her room. You know, I find that she is not really happy at the moment. She shouldn't worry so much over her brother. He'll end up regaining some good sense... ultimately.
"I think he will too. He takes after his mother. I'm sure he'll realize that Tanya is not the right person when he does meet his sister soul."
"He also takes after his father. one must admit that he is not too ugly. I'm sure all the girls are just drooling and falling head over heels around him."
" Perhaps. But I have you."
"Carlisle, you're such a dear! How do you manage to make me lose my head each time?"
"I don't know. How do you manage to make me crack up like a high school boy after all these years, uh?"
"We are incorrigible. That must be the power of love."
"And do I love you, Mrs Esme Cullen!"
"Not as much as I love you, Mr Carlisle Cullen."
We settled the debate with a kiss. And we kissed again like we had so often over the past nearly twenty years, now. The feel of his mouth against mine still stirred the same hunger, and the same empty feeling in my stomach, sending my insides flipping and knitting tightly. I would have sworn I could still see those fireworks exploding in loud crackles over our joined head. The magic was still there and that absolute certainty had lived within me ever since the moment we had first met.
"I'd very much like to stay, but..."
"I know. Go and save the world once more, my love."
"Maybe not the world, but a couple of lives would be a good start. See you tonight."
I waved him goodbye before he disappeared. Indeed, being a doctor's wife was not exactly picnic. I could not enjoy the presence of my husband as much as I would have wished nor could the children enjoy that of their father, but wherever he was, I knew that his love sustained me along. I could not honestly deprive his patients of such an angel. He had given me courage when I was trapped within the four walls of a soulless hospital room, he had supported me through my dark days and he had given me his smile, lighting up my stay there with sparkles of joy. In a lifeless hospital room, in which I lay sick and lonely, Carlisle Cullen had been my reason for being, for the simple and pure reason that he was.
Bluenote:
I know it has been a long time since I last updated this translation. I hope you enjoyed Kaori's version of Esme's bonding, and that you don't resent the lazy BlueBird too much for taking her sweet time in delivering the English word. To earn your forgiveness, I'll post another chapter right... NOW!
Chapter 9 will take you right back to the main plot.
See you then.