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"So, we like totally need some help."

Percy face-palmed himself. "Yes, Grover, we need some help/"

Grover shrugged. "I mean, I can't afford these burgers."

They were sitting in a diner with chrome tables and counters. And they were trying to work out how to order with no money.

The waitress came up. "You kiddies know what you want now?"

Annabeth looked around. "Yeah, we'd love whatever doesn't cost anything!"

The waitress laughed at her. "Well, that would be the hit-the-street-Sunday."

Grover perked up. "We'll have that!"

Percy hit him. "No, idiot. That's not something we can eat."

Grover pouted. "It could have been."

The waitress just seemed to notice Percy. "Well, hello there."

Percy let his face hit the table before looking up. "Yes?"

The waitress pushed her chest out. "So… what do we want?"

Percy looked around. "Food would be good."

The waitress pouted. "Are you sure you wouldn't like some milk?"

Percy looked at her confused. "What type of milk?"

"Breas-"

"Okay!" Annabeth got up and pushed away the waitress, her knife against her throat. "Fuck off bitch and get us Percy's food!"

The waitress ran for it as Annabeth sat down. She looked at them, putting her knife away.

"So… good work Percy. You got us food and properly used the Perseus Attraction to do it!"

Percy was still shocked from the knife to the throat thing. "Yeah… bully for me."

Grover grinned. "Yes Perce! WE are eating. Sure the waitress got a bit flirty-"

"Did she offer her breasts to me?" Percy asked.

"- but in the end we got what we needed." Grover continued.

Annabeth narrowed her eyes. "Great… I think we'll need some money for this."

Percy raised his eyebrows. "Why? I just got the food free?"

Annabeth shook her head. "Nope. We're going to be paying for this. The other staff won't let her give this to us free."

Grover sat up. "Well, I can get us that."

Annabeth and Percy looked around. "Yeah?"

Grover winked before bringing out his pink blackberry.

"I just use my blueberry-"

"Blackberry," Annabeth corrected.

"And go to my 'Talk Talk' page, oh look! I have a new tweet from Juniper." He read it out to them. "'I got a new leaf!' Oh, that's sweet. Okay, I'll just reply. 'Go the distance. Get a new branch. You'll look beautiful. Let's get together at your tree later.'"

Percy whistled. "Grover you dirty goat."

Grover looked at him. "What?"

"Beautiful, go to her tree. Nice."

Grover shrugged. "She's a friend."

But then, right there, Percy knew that if Grover was to have any chance of being straight, it would be from this Juniper.

"Ah ha!" Grover exclaimed as he moved his phone through. "Now, I just go to the… yup, just to my vault… pin number… pin number?"

"1234," Percy supplied. "Now we have to change it again."

Grover nodded. "Right, and done."

Annabeth grinned. "Grover. I didn't know you had an entire bank vault of money."

Grover handed the phone over. "Take a look at that."

Annabeth looked at it. "WHAT!? These are Neopet points!"

Grover's smiled dropped. "What? Why? What's wrong?"

Annabeth threw his phone at him. "I meant money for the food, not for your stupid Neopet's upkeep!"

"Hey, I'm guarding heroes all the time. I don't always have the time to look after him myself. I have to hire a nanny, and it's not my fault she wants all the money on Easter Island."

Annabeth scowled, but Percy grinned. "How do you know about Neopets, Annabeth?"

She shook her head. "I'm a child of Athena. I have to know everything."

Percy nodded, but sunk back in his seat, disappointed. It would have been fun to call Annabeth 'Neobeth'.

Annabeth looked up. "Do you hear that?"

Percy craned his head. "What?"

"That." Annabeth replied.

"Thanks for narrowing it down," Grover grumbled.

Percy looked where Annabeth was looking to see a herd of monsters approaching.

"Down!" Percy called.

They hid under the table as the waitress came up quickly and dumped the food down on the table.

"Why are they here?" Percy hissed.

"I'm thinking!" Annabeth replied. Her mind went through possibilities before settling on the simplest.

"Grover, give me your phone."

Grover handed it over. "Be careful."

Annabeth nodded, before smashing the phone on the ground.

Grover gagged. "Annabeth, that cost over $200!"

"Look! You used it and sent off a flare for the monsters!"

Grover shook his head. "But the salesmen said that it had no frequency disturbance!"

"Yeah, well he lied," Percy put in.

"Ssh!" Annabeth said.

They listened as the monsters passed past the window.

"Yeah, what stupid demigods would call some monsters? And they were only playing Neopets!" One mocked.

"I love Neopets!" Another said.

"Yeah," another put in. "It's so worth getting killed for."

"Whatever. The fact remains that they were idiots."

Annabeth put her face in her hands. "We were."

Percy reached into his pocket to pull out Riptide. "Think we'll have to fight?"

"Hey, what's that!?" One of the monsters cried.

Percy looked around to see if they had been spotted before he noticed Grover, tapping away at his phone.

"Yes, I would like some new heels. Add to cart."

Percy snatched the phone away. "Grover!"

"Sorry Perce! This is the indestructible model."

Percy uncapped Riptide before driving it through the phone. "Not now it's not!"

Grover wailed and the monsters turned. "Yep, definitely a satyr. Gods, they're stupid."

Grover clamped his mouth shut, while Annabeth cursed in Greek.

Percy tightened his grip on Riptide, but suddenly the monsters started moving off, with no warning, no provocation. They just started running.

They got out from under the table, carefully, but no monster was left. They were all gone.

"Maybe they got another signal," Annabeth guessed.

Percy capped Riptide. "Yeah, maybe."

Grover sat down before starting to eat his burger.

Percy looked at him. "Come on man! We just nearly got eaten, and you only care about your food?"

Grover looked at him. "Yeah, I know this is full of carbs, but I'm hungry. Oh, what Juniper would say?"

Percy sat down with Annabeth. "Who is Juniper?"

Grover stopped eating. "She's my yoga coach. She's very flexible."

Percy raised his eyebrows. "Oh, I bet she is."

Annabeth hit him. "Percy, stop-"

"-being a disgusting teenager?" Percy supplied.

Annabeth shook her head. "No, well, yes, but I was going to say, stop being a guy."

Percy smiled, before looking back at Grover as Annabeth collapsed in her seat. Percy didn't notice, but Grover did.

In fact, Grover had noticed quite a lot. Annabeth fainting when Percy did full out god smile. She laughed, she couldn't stay angry with him, and she let him give leadership, despite being dominant. She always looked angry with herself when she did something, like touch Percy arm. If Grover had been a smarter goat, he might even think she had a little crush, true love, attraction to Percy.

Grover digested all this as he chewed into his food.

Suddenly an engine blared out. Everyone in the diner looked round to identify the noise.

A huge man was riding up on a motorbike, a Harley.

Percy shook his head at the worst description of events ever seen in text.

The man jumped of his bike, slipped, ran into a lamp post, pushed himself off, brushing his black leather-duster, before walking in. He touched the knife at his belt, restlessly, his eyes hidden behind red sunglasses, locking on Percy and his gang.

He strode over, spitting as he did so.

Grover was hit by it, but no-one noticed, not even Grover.

The guy sat down in their booth, crushing Grover against the wall.

"Stop that!" Percy called, pointing at Grover who was losing waist size as they spoke.

The man grunted, pulling away.

"Who are you?" Percy demanded.

The guy grinned. "You don't need to know."

Percy shrugged. "Okay, fine, well could you leave our booth?"

The man scowled. "I'm Ares, you little dick licker."

Percy tilted his head to the side in a sympathetic expression. "At least I get some action."

Ares sneered. "Shut up or I'll rape your dog." He sat back, satisfied.

"I don't have a dog." Percy said.

"You're Mom's a dog." Ares countered.

Percy thought about it, before shaking his head. "Nope, I'm pretty sure she's a woman."

"A woman dog," Ares insisted.

"Okay, we'll go with the only thing you've fucked."

"I've been with woman."

Percy nodded. "Me too. I was with twelve once. In a room."

"I meant sex wise."

Percy put a hand to his mouth. "I'm so sorry. I've insulted you. It's just… I didn't figure you to understand what a naughty word like that means."

Ares smiled. "I know lots of words which would blow you're mind."

"Do they begin with 'Mummy!'?"

Ares sat back. "You're mom says that."

Percy made to respond, before Annabeth put an arm in front of him.

"Okay, Percy, this is Ares, God of War, let's try not to offend him."

Percy sat forward. "I hope you're better at war than comebacks, otherwise we're all screwed."

Ares scowled. "I'm the master of comebacks."

Percy nodded innocently. "Sure."

Annabeth pushed Percy back. "What do you want, Lord Ares?"

Ares sat forward. "Finally… respect."

Percy snorted. Ares aura was making him angry. "Oh, yeah… you've finally met someone of the same gender. It must be exciting."

Ares looked at him. "Yeah, same gender? She doesn't have any balls.

"What's your point?" Percy asked.

"GUYS!" Annabeth shouted.

Ares ignored Percy, the best comeback he was ever going to get on him.

"Look, you little demigods. I've got a quest for…" He looked down at the table. "How'd you get the food?"

Percy smiled. "Charisma; something you lack."

Ares looked shocked. "I was going to buy it."

Percy grinned. "Sorry Ares, they don't take your pocket money here."

Ares scowled. "I'm a grown woman- arghh, man! And I've got a quest, which you're going to do."

"Yes?" Annabeth said.

Ares looked over at Grover. "Are you Pan?"

Grover sighed. "No, I'm Grover."

"Sorry, all you satyrs look alike. Anyway, I left my scar- my lady left her scarf at the place we were dating. I need it back. So you're going to get it."

"Why?" Grover asked.

"Well, Pan, I'll tell you. You'll get my thanks, a ride to Vegas, i.e, the Underworld, and I'll even throw in some info about your mother." He pointed at Percy.

He looked out of the window, before snapping his fingers.

The back door of a truck, waiting in the car park, flew open. "She'll be waiting when you get back. There are even new backpacks for you."

"Do they have Nintendo's in?" Grover asked.

Ares looked offended. "Of course! With 'Puppy Raiser'!"

Grover pumped his fist. "Score."

Percy studied him with his intense green eyes. Annabeth loved him when he got all serious.

"What's the information on my mother?"

Ares waved a hand. "Oh, she's alive. Trapped by Hades in the Underworld." He raised a hand. "But, you only get that if you do what I say."

Percy bowed his head. "Yes, Lord Ares."

Ares grinned. "Cool. The place is 'Kyle's Glitter Palace'. See ya back here once it's done!"

He got out of the booth, before walking out of the diner, getting onto his bike and driving away.

Percy stood up, motioning for the others to join him.

"What is it?" Grover asked.

Percy stopped at the door, one hand on it. "Annabeth?" The teasing twinkle in his eye told her everything.

Annabeth started to smile. "Ares left this stuff for us… can't we take it now?"

"Damn straight!" Percy grinned.

He walked out of the diner, and off to the back of the truck.

"He told me about my mother, so that's done." Percy mounted the ramp. "He left the truck for us to get inside, which I bet my drachma's will start… Annabeth?"

"When we get inside. They'll get a subconscious message from Ares to go."

Percy pointed at her. "Exactly. Ares had it all planned, but he should have left it out when we got back… not before we started, the lazy dumbass."

Grover grinned. "So… all reward, no work?"

Percy looked around at him. "It's about bloody time."

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