So this chapter is definitely going to be much much shorter- It's almost entirely focussed on Shiuta's past, and is integrated with the song she's singing. Song is 'Dragons' by my new all-time favorite band The Green Children, from their new album Encounters. I can't find the pre-written lyrics ANYWHERE so I had to do them myself- if they're wrong I'm sorry, it's my bad. Enjoy and please review!
I waited patiently for the next rhythm to begin, attempting to avoid tapping my feet as Sanjo-san and her assistant scrambled with the controls. I sighed as I once again felt the chiffon rose weighing down my hair, and I heard a few clicks coming from the control room. Ikuto stood cooly in the door frame, his arms folded staring straight at me, his shoulders against the side of the door frame. I really... Hated singing in front of Ikuto. Ever since my dream a while back, I couldn't shake the feeling that I knew him somehow... And from more than just the brief encounter in my dream. My lyrics weren't just gibberish- They were things that reminded me of my life, and this particular song made me think of him. And I didn't like that he was watching me record it. I heard the opening begin, and I inhaled deeply as my time to sing drew nearer.
I was also afraid. So, so afraid. Fearful... That he would discover my past.
"This morning, I was climbing roofs. Like I heard my momma said I never should," Age three Shiuta sat on the slate roof of my home, and it was as though I was witnessing my own past. I could see mother standing below me, her hand shielding her eyes from the sun, the tall wheat grass and her plain white cotton dress making a picture-perfect scene.
"-but I knew I got a feeling for the 'never have tried at all'. And now there's a dragon in my room- Heatin' up, before tea at noon. My hair was stuck on and it ran afoul." A small girl, a mirror image of myself, sat in a bed, coughing up blood. A cold sweat drenched my body, and my fiery hair stuck to my chest. The burgundy color of the blood was startling against my snowy sheets.
"Caught up in pain, I couldn't tell. But I'm fallin' with fever!" I was blocking out everything and everyone, and I let myself go into my world- My world that was forever stuck in the past with my many regrets.
"Don't get too close to my bed- 'Cause I'm burning, baby. I'm hearing things in my head. They speak to me up from inside," My small, still matching eyes shifted from the scenery outside of my cracked window, ignoring the horrible screams immanating from the hallway. I lifted my hand, letting my finger tips touch the cool glass. My world, a constant Winter.
"I need more to save me. Give me a place I can hide. He's not leaving, is he ever gonna let me go?" I sat in the street. Father was out, and Akira wasn't anywhere to be found. Why I hadn't run then was still a mystery to me. A boy with indigo hair and a small girl around my age with blond hair rounded the corner, and I came face to face with them. There was an awkward pause, and we made eye contact. The boy smiled at me, and I nodded back. As I watched the smaller me interact with who I could only reason was, in fact, Ikuto, I could see his lips moving. But I heard no words.
"I believe, but no one ever seems to know, why I shiver when I open up my eyes. Do they all think I am full of lies?" I sat with my sister at the end of the hallway. Her shaking fingers came to mine. She took them in her tiny fists, and squeezed as hard as she could. I watched, but heard nothing. Her teeth were clenched, her whole body shaking. What was she saying to me?
"So tell me, what's come over me? If my view is not what I see." I could see myself, I would have been ten. In one hand, I held a bottle of amber liquid. My solid sea-foam green tunic shirt concealed how malnourished I actually was, my tight jeans were baggy. I watched as I let the bottle of alcohol touch my lips. Why hadn't I remembered this?
"Fire and water is red and blue. It always reminds me of you!" Red and blue hair tangled in the wind, and I focussed on Ikuto's and my face, which was blowing what looked like smoke into his face. What I saw in my fingers almost made me gag. Was I smoking marijuana? I stamped out the joint, turning my back on Ikuto.
"I'm fallin' with fever! Don't get too close to my bed- 'Cause I'm burning, baby. I'm hearing things in my head." I threw a glass bottle at the door, and as it shattered my father ripped the door open. I could see from his expression that he was yelling at me. I spat at him, and I wobbled. He yelled again, and grabbed a doorknob that was laying on the ground, and aimed it at my body, the blow bruising my upper arm heavily.
"They speak to me up from inside. I need more to save me. Give me a place I can hide!" Water hit the asphault, and I could almost smell the slightly sweet aroma of green leaves and paper. I forced my eyes upward, and I could see tears streaming down my face. My fiery hair wasn't glossy, like I remembered it being from when I remembered myself sitting on the roof when I was three. I had my bangs pinned back, and I was wearing the same sea foam green shirt. What... No. Who... Was I?
"Don't get too close to my bed- 'Cause I'm burning, baby. I'm hearing things in my head. They speak to me up from inside. I need more to save me." My mother and I walked down the street, she carried my favorite white sandals in her right hand, her other wrapped tightly with mine. I looked backwards, and I met eyes with the eight year old me. Her daunting hazel eyes held nothing close to what I had seen in ten year old me. Pain. Lonliness. Guilt. Addiction. My mother vanished off of the asphault, and my sandals dropped to the ground. I seemed to grow on the spot, and when I turned around again, I could only see the hollow face that was once so vibrant.
"Give me a place I can hide. I lost my love, I wanna leave to meet him. Please hold me back- You know I owe this to them." I remembered, once again, when I had next seen Ikuto. He was playing with the two blondes. And he had been afraid of me. Even as I cried for help, the look in his eyes told me that I was a monster.
"Give me some ice, or throw me under water. Slap me hard, and shake my senses." Flashes of my father holding my face forcefully under the hose, throwing me up against walls, suffocating me in plastic bags. These images filled my eyes one after another in rapid succession. Plates breaking, girls wailing, blood spattering. I could hear it all, flashing through my senses, and I could feel it all over again. The shock nearly woke me up from my trance. It was like ice water, sending prickly tingles down my spine.
"Help keep me strong, please help me home, help heal my heartache. Make me resist, I feel his breath, I hear him calling." I made a mad dash out of the house, my bare feet getting cuts on the bottoms as I sprinted through our overgrown yard. I made it to the road, and knew this place in my mind. I had relived it many times. As soon as I reached the road, I would turn and continue running until I reached the police. I saw myself reach the tar covered street. And pause. I had never remembered this before. I turned to my right. There stood Ikuto. He was calling to me. Motioning to me. I wanted to tell myself, 'Go to him!' but I knew she wouldn't hear me. She simply made no expression, her cold eyes baring down on Ikuto. And he watched as she turned away from him, as her father tore through the grass. She took a step, starting into a sprint, and turned her back on Ikuto.
"Don't let me be taken. I lost my love, I wanna leave to meet him. Please hold me back- You know I owe this to them. Give me some ice, or throw me under water. Slap me hard, and shake my senses. I put them back, I hear him calling." I opened my eyes, meeting with the hazel eyes of another girl. Her flowing red hair and pale skin gave her the look of a fire in the middle of snow. Her cold eyes regarded me, and I could smell the stench of alcohol on her breath. I stared at her, and she stared back. This girl... Was she really me. I reached up to touch her face. She shut her eyes, and as my fingertips grazed her cheek, I was back where I started- My eyes staring out of the freezing glass of my bedroom window, ignoring the cries of my sister. I squeezed my eyes shut, slamming my forehead against the windowpane.
Once again, I stood in the middle of the street. Ikuto stood stoic to my right. Freedom stood to my left. My time was limited. I could hear rapid footsteps behind me. What was my choice?
"I heard him calling, 'Dragon'..."