Chapter ten

Naomi

I bit my bottom lip which shivered like crazy. I felt how I too was about to burst out into tears at any second. Emily looked at me with big red eyes.

"Don't be sorry. I'm sorry I ran away." I said stiffly, because I really was sorry but I didn't want to crack my façade. If I didn't tell myself to stay strong I wouldn't be able to cope around Emily.

Emily suddenly transformed from sad and sorry to almost angry. "Wait, I don't have to be sorry but you can? Oh my God! I didn't tell you that I was going to uni in the US. I am the one that should apologize here. I hindered you from going to uni so I should actually feel really ashamed right now. I stood in the way for your dreams and I'm so sorry. I made you choose between me and uni but here I am supposed to go o uni myself in three weeks. I didn't tell you, I know. But I had my reason…" I saw how she took a deep breath while closing her eyes.

I had gotten a bit taken aback by her sudden change of mood. She had jus said everything I had thought of. She blamed herself for everything I had blamed her for in silence since she dropped the bomb on me.

"But when did you apply?"

"That is why I had my reasons… it was when you lay in hospital, when you didn't remember me." She said with her eyes still closed. "I wasn't expecting you to remember me, and even less for us to go travel together."

I nodded. I was no longer angry at her. I wasn't even sure I had ever been really angry. All I felt was sad. Her explanation made too much sense to doubt, and I was pretty sure that I would have done the same if I had been in her position. But I still felt sad and lonely. I did not want her to leave me. I needed her too much to be alone.

"I'm so sorry... I know I could have withdrawn my application… " Emily whispered.

Yeah she could have… But oh how much I wanted to hug her, hold her in my arms and tell her that everything was going to be ok, to tell her that we were going to fix this. I wanted to tell her that her choice did not matter and that if something it would make our love grow stronger. But I found myself doing nothing. I just sat there and looked at her. I did not know why I just sat. But something told me that I was too afraid to be left alone to actually comfort Emily at that point, too selfish…

I saw how the teardrops came more frequently rolling down her cheek. "You can study as well!" She said slowly. "You can attend that Goldsmith University."

"What?" I looked at her to check if she was being serious.

"Yeah… You can study as well. I don't want to be in the way for your dreams…"

So that was what it was about. She was feeling bad for attending University and before that trying to make me take a gap year. I wasn't sure if really wanted to go to uni, well yes I wanted to study… but I had been too set to take a gap year that my mind wasn't ready to go to uni just yet…

"You're not in the way for my dreams. You are my dreams." I said and at the same time I felt how all the air in my lungs disappeared. I felt tired and my driving force was gone.

I eyed the girl sitting in front of me. She was my dreams. Everything I wanted for the rest of my life. But what if she would forget me in America?

"I'm sorry… I really am." Emily leaned forward until she was so close to my face that I could feel her every breath. I saw how her eyes got watery "I love you…"

I closed my eyes, having her so close was too hard to handle. I was scared. I was so scared, like a lonely child. I felt how Emily's warm and soft lips pressed against my cheek. I felt how her tears continued to roll down my cheek from her. Then I felt how the bed moved before hearing the front door open to then slam shut.

The door slamming shut broke the façade I had been holding. I fell down on the bed letting the tears that had been waiting in the corners of my eyes to flood down like a fucking waterfall. I trembled so hard that it was hard for me to control my limbs.

'If Emily only knew…' I didn't want her to go. But at the same time I didn't want to stop her. I wanted her to have a future more than anything… But I was scared to be left alone. I didn't want to fall asleep alone at nights. I didn't want to have my whole life on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean. Emily would get along fine, but I was going to wither away in my loneliness. Thoughts of fear, loneliness and worst of all, losing Emily, circulated in my head.

After no progress in my heavily depressing thoughts I needed a glass of water, I felt dehydrated after all my crying. I walked with heavy steps towards the kitchen. It was almost dark outside and inside the flat as well. No light were on so the only light source came from the bright night light from the windows.

I put my hands on the edge of the sink for support. And I took a deep breath while tilting my head back to get in as much air as possible into my lungs. When I tilted my head back my eyes fell on a wine bottle that stood on the kitchen counter. Emily and I had bought the wine bottle in the supermarket right around the corner.

Something to ease my mind seemed quite tempting. Without further ado I reached out to grab the wine bottle. The first few gulps appeared to make everything so much easier. It felt as if all of my worries slowly traveled away from me with every mouthful I took.

Relieved over the fact that my depressing thoughts were no longer a big issue I slid down onto the floor down along the kitchen counter. Without Emily by my side I had nothing to live for really…

Emily

She didn't want to study and she didn't want me to study, but she hadn't made any attempts to keep me from doing it. She had been so calm and sensed. I felt torn apart in two pieces. One half of me wanted to study, but the other half wanted to stay in England with Naomi. But the worst thing that could happen was for me to lose Naomi…

She hadn't even asked which university I had attended. I wondered if she even cared…

I walked slowly down the street. It was late, vary late, and the only tourists around were the drunk, the love couples and the ones going to a club. I didn't know when the restaurant Simon worked at closed but that didn't matter. If it was closed all I could do was to turn back again. But I needed the fresh air anyhow.

I approached the restaurant in the corner of the street. There was no light coming from the building and no tourists were around. 'So it's closed then.' I thought as I was on my way to make a spin around to go back.

"Emily!" I heard Simon call from behind.

I turned around and saw Simon sitting on the stairs leading up to the restaurant's porch. He waved and in his hand he held Naomi's cell Phone. I sighed, relived that he was there with the phone.

"Hi Simon" I said as I walked up to him.

"Here" He said while he handed me the phone.

I took it in a firm grip before seating myself down on the stairs next to him.

"How is it going?" Simon asked while looking in front of him.

I studied his profile for a few seconds before answering. "I don't really know to be honest."

"Naomi was pretty devastated when I talked to her…"

"I know."

"Please sort it out. Running away from each other won't solve anything." He turned towards me and looked straight into my eyes.

At first I felt uncomfortable because of the way he stared right at me, right into my eyes. But he just looked at me with a serious look not turning away. What he just said about running away from each other was exactly what Naomi and I had been doing for a long time. It scared me to a point that it was almost fascinating, it felt as though he knew us. I wondered how much he really knew and why he even cared about me and Naomi.

"Why do you care?" I asked almost whispering. I watched him as he turned away and took a deep breath.

"I've been through something similar myself. My girlfriend and I ran away from each other as soon as something went wrong in our relationship. But that doesn't work out too long. Soon you will both realize that you can't go on like that. Something will be too much…"

"What happened?" I asked.

He was silent a good while. At first I thought that he wasn't going to answer, a fact I totally understood. But then he took a deep breath and looked straight at me "I came here, to Goa, to work in my father's restaurant. We lived in America at the time and when I told her that I was going to Goa she ran away as always, trying to hide from the truth. But this time she didn't call me back… I've never seen her since."

I just sat beside him and reflected over what he had just said.

"You can't just run away and expect someone to care. You must first show that you care." He continued as he looked up at the night sky.

I knew that what he said wasn't meant to anyone in particular, more like a reflection. But what he said hit me. Naomi and I were experts at running away from each other, ignoring each other and hiding away our actual feelings. But I loved her to bits and wasn't ready to let her go because of our way of handling bumps in the road. I realized that I had to talk to her again and find out what she really thought about me going to America.

"That's really sad to hear…" I put my hand on his shoulder. "But thanks." I got up and began to walk away.

It took a few seconds for Simon to realize what I said before I left because after a few seconds I heard him call behind my back "For what?"

"Opening my eyes!" I called back to him over my shoulder.

A/N: Sometimes I tell myself that it would be easier to write in advance because then the updates would come more regularly. But the prolem is that I never have the time... I just baked a cake, it tasted awful... *-*