A/N – I've rated it M for now but in all honesty it's mostly for the inevitable swearing. Hope you all enjoy it anyhow.
Disclaimer: Not mine – none of it…
Another guilt trip
He stumbles out on the porch in the sharp morning light and it is - too – damn – early - for the sight that assaults him.
Miles, cross legged, perched on the daybed, eating fried chicken with his fingers, a paper-wrapper of rice next to him on the white fabric of the sofa. Too early. Miles gnawing like a dog on that chicken bone, seemingly intent on devouring every scrap of meat, and then some.
Hands and mouth shiny from the oil. A flaring vision of Kate, elbow up in soapsuds, scrubbing at that damn laundry flashes by. Miles – sitting there, not a care in the world, dripping oil and what-not.
It has him seething inside.
But he can't come nagging about some darn laundry like some old hag. Not to Miles. Heck, he hasn't seen the guy since,… Since that day.
Juliet, his Juliet dragged down into that hole. Slipping. And he doesn't want to think of it. That day – when he'd thought her dead and gone. Surreal enough to have Miles here eating chicken outside some poky little house in Bali, wearing a black t-shirt and jeans instead of the Dharma security uniform.
So he damn well can't start the day bitching about the darn sofa.
"Morning sunshine!" he says instead. Plasters on a little jolly grin and sits down on the opposite chair.
Miles looks up at him, only grunting something intelligible. He puts the clean picked chicken bone down on the rice, digging at his molars with his index fingers. Occupied by something caught between his teeth. Mission completed, he crumples the paper together around the leftovers and tosses it on the little table. Folding his hands in his lap, with a priggish expression, like an old principal ready to have a go at a naughty student.
"So man – you're finding it really tough getting over Jules huh!?" The snide comment hurts, but only because there is a grain of truth in it.
To early in the morning for the inevitable onslaught of guilt.
On her bed last night. His hand. It had been innocent enough and frankly it bugs him to have to take this crap from Miles without actually having reaped any benefits. For heaven's sake, he'd just barely touched her stomach. Hardly scintillatingly x-rated stuff!
Still, what he'd had on his mind had been.
"Nothing happened Shortcake…" he protests and he doesn't know why he has to make excuses for himself to Miles.
But then again, Juliet was his friend too. And Miles had been there to witness their friendship blossom into something else, something more. - No, he gets that Miles cares, he does. It's just that he'd never figured Miles to get so a darn sentimental about it.
"Yeah, sure thing Boss." Miles says dryly. "Great. - Really awesome for you. Getting over someone by getting under somebody new huh…"
"I didn't…." And he doesn't even know why he bothers denying it. It ain't as if it's any of Miles' bloody affairs anyhow. " Look buddy,.. nothing happ…"
"Hepp – ep – ep –ep!!"
Miles does some funky 'talk to the hand' gesture that Sawyer doesn't quite get. But that hurt look – that he understands. The narrowed disapproving eyes. The obvious sarcasm, the words that mean the exact opposite of what they sound like. That he understands.
"Just saying, glad to see you're not moping around! Living life to its fullest! Really awesome Boss!"
And he wants to explain. About Juliet. Her happiness. Her and Goodwin. Kate. That red top. The way she does the laundry. How she doesn't sleep like normal women. And how her green suspicious eyes make him stupid, make him do stuff he shouldn't. Like come here. - But he suspects Miles would never get it, wouldn't want to understand.
That inevitable gravitation towards her.
"Glad to hear you've missed me too Casper," he mutters instead. "So what're you up to nowadays?"
"Talking to 'deadlings' - what do you think!? Bali is a great little place for the paranormal. Before the cremations and all – pretty good business."
"Fitting... See, how nice it can be to catch up instead of throwing unfounded accusations around!"
Miles still glaring, leaning forward, arms supported on his knees.
"Don't get me wrong, I'm freaking glad to see you man - but lay off the brunette - okay?!" he wheezes as if afraid to be overheard.
"Oh yeah? Ya' know I would, only, I wasn't on the damn brunette. And what's your beef ? Is this 'bout her an' Namby-Pamby boy? – What is it with the goddam' love-the-snob fest?"
"Ha-ha."
That's all Miles says. Wryly and completely devoid of humour with emphasis on the last syllable. And it's the way he says it that gets Sawyer engine really up and running. What the f…!
"Is everybody looking out for that milksop?!... Man that's just swell - that guy's known you for two red hot minutes an' is already everybody's bosom buddy… You an' me… we only go back since the fucking 70's for Christ's sake!"
Miles mean-spirited little snigger. Sawyer's sort of missed this jerk. Sort of.
"Man - are you dumb!!!" His cow-licked head bobbing with held back laughter. He flexes his fingers in front of him.
"What?!" Sawyer puts his feet up on the little wooden table, obstinately crossing his arms across his chest. His heavy work shoes making a clonking sound as they hit the surface, accidentally kicking down Miles' discarded wrap. The corners of his mouth dragging downwards in the budding progress of what promises to be a proper sulk.
Miles just raises one of those funny eyebrows he's got, and does a little hand gesture waving his pinky finger. Sawyer guesses this is a Californian thing, all the stupid signs instead of frigging talking.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean? That Braille for asswipe?"
"Damn you are thick! How you ever managed to become head of security is beyond me! - He's g-a-y you dumbass! He and Kate – duh, I don't know, like; not happening." Voice rising into falsetto at the last 'not happening'.
And then the glee.
"You believed that? You did, didn't you!? You big fat jabrone! – Are you freaking blind dude? Kate is good – I give her that!"
Miles is giggling openly now. And Sawyer, though he should be pissed – pretends to be too, finds his heart lifting at the thought. Kate and that guy – hah - not an item. The afternoon love fests, clearly not that. And he'd like to jump up and down with the sudden inexplicable joy that washes over him. Though why on earth that would matter to him now – he doesn't know. It's not like he's planning on sticking around.
But this, her and that guy in her bedroom, had been some ruse to…to do what?!
She'd said nothing to lead him to believe anything else. She'd not even hinted that they might not be romantically involved. He figures that there are only two possible explanations.
Either she is trying to keep him at arms length. Or; she is trying to make him jealous.
And his money is on the latter.
Just from the fact that she hadn't maimed him last night. His wayward hand on her naked stomach. The tiny little lift of her back – meeting his fingers. Yep. In fact, since he'd obviously survived that – he'd feel pretty safe laying down a substantial wager on the latter.
And he forgets that he is supposed to look piqued – a huge smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. He shifts the position of his feet on the table. Lodging one on top of the other, crossed by the ankles. Crossing and uncrossing his arms.
"It's great that Danan's gayness brings you so much joy dude but stay off her okay!…"
Miles scowling at him doesn't help at all. The smile is full-blown now and he can feel his mouth twitching, wanting to bare both rows of teeth.
"Since when did Freckles become your goddamn concern anyhow Uncle Ho?"
"Oh I don't know. Hmm, because I could not possible care about anybody except myself huh?! Is that what you think?! Just back the hell off her okay! We don't need you to swipe in here with all of your shit!"
Sawyer is taken aback by Miles uncharacteristically strong reaction. He'd always thought Miles a pretty cool cat – disregarding the never-ending bitching and whining that is.
"Nothing is going on alright!? Why dontcha' go talk to some dead people instead of getting up in my hair about my own damn private affairs?!"
"Yeah, I might as well man. It isn't all that different from talking to you..." Miles grumbles. "Look we just don't need that crap now. She's just trying to stay together with the Aussie and her kiddie. And by the way, your 'nothing' last night looked a whole lot like second base to me!"
"T'was nothing - I tell you. Hell, I've been over her for years.."
"Yeah, yes, yes, yes. Yes" Miles says in a bored, monotone voice. " You are over her. Sure! It's like no more than two years since you got totally piss-drunk and almost bawled over this chick!"
"What the hell are you talking about Shorty?!"
"New year's eve 1975, just before you settled in with Jules. Man that was a fucking miserable evening. Plenty of tears in the good old Dharma-Whisky that night – but great to hear that you are over her. "
For once, Sawyer is speechless. He has no recollection whatsoever about that night. It had all been a big black blur. He clinches his jaws together. Though from what he remembers, the following new year's eve had been a whole lot better. That one he'd actually remembered. Juliet incredibly hot in a red dress and inexplicably his.
Miles shoots up, wiping his oily hands on his dark blue jeans. His little wicked devil's face with the black eyes glittering. Evil personified.
"Oh and the combing the entire island in freakin' grids! Day out and day in, week in week out for three whole fricking years! Who the hell does that? Grids! And it wasn't Hurley you were hoping to find either. Look - you can drop that whole act. I know you had a thing for her – just don't go there again - That's all we're asking."
"We?"
"Yeah, me an' Hugo. On the phone first thing this me to keep an eye on you. See that you don't fuck things up for Kate, and Claire. And the way I see it, Hugo has good reason to worry. And he doesn't even know where I found you last night. – Just leave it be dude. We only have this – don't screw it up for everyone just to get in some chick's pants."
"Wasn't planning to…" he gnarls,
"Good. We're clear then." Miles says with a smugness that makes Sawyer forget that they were ever friends. That he used to be Miles' boss. - Asshole.
"That girl is a mess, I should know, I red her file like years ago and I still remember all that crap. Most screwed up of the bunch. - But the Aussie on the other hand – now her I like" Miles adds with a vile snicker as he gets off his seat. " Totally mackable!"
Sawyer is glad he doesn't quite understand the exact meaning of that. Though he gets the gist. Kate's off limits in Miles book and Claire is hot. Got it.
He watches as Miles' makes his way through the courtyard, occasionally turning to flash him an ugly sly grin.
It's too damn early for this!
And he's got to go out. Make that phone call. Like he'd promised himself last night. The thought that if he could help it, Cassie's girl wouldn't grow up to be the type of woman that sleeps like a damn clam. She'd be a girl that hogs the bed, arms and legs like an X – not giving a damn who she kicked. She'd feel safe.
He has no idea if throwing money on the problem, will make the real problem go away. The fact that he's not there. That he's lost the chance to be a part of that little girl's life a long time ago. But he figures, it's better than nothing.
It's not even nine o'clock yet when he returns back. Feeling like he's somewhat accomplished something.
He'd gotten his phone call done and taken a quick swim in the Emporium pool. Water still cool, not yet warmed by the morning sun. Leafs and flowers still floating about on the surface, the pool-boy not having arrived for the morning clean-up yet.
And the phone call. - He'd answered.
Confused, perplexed and Sawyer guesses, a little drunk. Hell, not that that's any of his business – the man can drink all day long for all that he cares. He'd slurred a bit, and asked; 'why me'? And frankly Sawyer had not known quite how to answer that. It was humiliating enough to ask for the favour. It's just that with Kate here, a wanted felon, it isn't as if he's got plenty of other options. Not many friends around. And at the base of it all, he finds to his surprise that he trusts the Doc. Trust being an outlandish notion perhaps, but he does.
The thought of a bunch of money all of a sudden showing up in Cassidy's bank account up in Albuquerque –has him elated. Makes him feel lighter than he has in a long, long time. Absolves a tiny speck of the huge mountain of guilt he lugs along wherever he goes.
He hears her in her bedroom when he arrives back at the house, apparently tossing things around like a burglar. And he can't help himself. He wants to look at her.
The door is half open and he sees rummaging around in the drawers, stuffing her things into a small suitcase. She doesn't notice him. Too caught up in the simple task of throwing random stuff on the floor. Her hair a long curly tangle on her back. And the dress she's wearing, one of those simple little things, straps across the shoulders and long enough to cover her knees.
Her purse upside down on the bed and all the little mysterious things that are essential for a woman's survival, spread out on the sheet.
Lipstick, a little mirror, keys, papers, crumpled tissues, matches, a little penny pouch and a Canadian passport. Her passport.
Ha.
And he doesn't know why, but he has to get his hands on it. Faster than sin. He moves silently across the floor, his eyes on one thing and one thing only. That passport.
And he must have been a bit distracted because he doesn't see it coming. The tackle from his right. Hard, lean girlish body crashing into him, making him topple over on the floor. The only thing he thinks of is holding on to that passport.
"Give me that!"
"Come and get it darling!"
They grapple on the floor like savages and he doesn't know how but he manages to get up and away, holding the passport above his head like some stupid trophy. And just one step out from her bedroom door she lunges herself after him, arms wrapped around his legs, making him fall hard. He strains to turn around so that he ends up on his back. Her on top, deranged, clawing at the passport.
"Gimme'!…" Desperate.
She must really not want him to look at that passport.
"What Freckles? Bad photo?" he pants, trying to grip her arms with just one hand. He doesn't want to hurt her. But she, she doesn't care the least if she looses a tooth over that damn passport.
Frantically fighting. A whirlwind of arms and legs. A rabid wild expression on her face that he'd have loved to see under other circumstances. Making him think of another fight, another struggle a long time ago. The rustling of leaves and twigs. Her chest against his. The imminent danger of sharp elbows and fierce girl-fists. On the island. And he feels almost nostalgic about the whole thing. - They are both so screwed up.
"Hell, you sure are private 'bout that passport..." his voice raspy from the exertion of keeping her ferocious, hard little knuckles away from his face while hanging on to his loot.
Shit. She's loosing it.
"Give. It. To. Me." The words comes out in little huffs that has him thinking of something different altogether. And in spite of it being less than pleasant to be pummelled by her, he finds himself enjoying the weight of her on him. The tomboy from the island.
He loves this. - The primitive storm raging in her eyes.
" Oh, I see what this is… Wet your appetite last night and now you're going for the whole meal? Sorry honey, this buffet is closed for breakfast!" He struggles now, really struggles to keep it away from her.
The hard squeeze of her thighs against his midriff, her trying to hold him into place. Perhaps that's when, in that instance when he gives into the feeling of her, that she yanks the passport back. Promptly tucking it down her dress front. Swatting his hands away as she does.
Then suddenly – unexpectedly - a standstill. They are both wheezing for air. A short mutual time-out. Her sitting astride him, carrying her weight up by her hands placed on the floor on each side of his head. Her blue cotton dress shoved up around her thighs.
What the heck is so important about that damn passport?
Leave a review if you liked it. Chapter 11 coming up very soon…