Over the Years

IX.

The next morning, sunshine actually came shining through the window. The rain had slowed to a drizzle once again, though thunder still clapped lowly in the distant. Not being able to hold onto sleep any longer, Shinichi's eyes squeezed together before slowly opening.

It took a few minutes for his eyes to focus, only being able to see a blurry pillow and blankets.

"Uhh…Ran?" He questioned, picking his head up and squinting. She wasn't there. He would have begun thinking everything that happened earlier was just a dream if he wasn't in Ran's bed. He groaned and let his head fall back to the pillow.

Though he was still tired, a smile found its way to his lips when all the memories can crushing forth. It's weird how he felt like the night/morning before was the worst he ever had, yet the best he ever had.

'Ran said she didn't love me anymore…why would she say something like that? Obviously she was lying. What was her motive…' Sadly, Shinichi couldn't figure it out, stating that women were still a mystery he couldn't figure out.

A delicious aroma filled his senses, making him breathe in deeply. He smirked as he sat up, ready to give her a morning greeting.

"I wonder if she's wearing anything…" he mused aloud. He stood up and stretched, planning on heading to the bathroom first. Looking into the mirror, he finally felt good about himself after many years. He could look at himself without the glasses and not feel as though he were hiding behind them. He could look at himself as Shinichi and show the world that, also.

Or, at least, Ran.

He didn't know what plan of action he was going to take now. His hand reached up to run gently across the mirror. 'Who am I, really?' Though Ran knew who he was now and even called him Shinichi numerous times last night…Shinichi was still dead to the rest of the world. Conan had taken his place and everyone—even Shinichi himself—had accepted it.

What about Ran, though? Shinichi was still number one to her, that much was obvious. However, could he turn back into Shinichi for her and still—

"Shinichi? Are you up?" He heard her calling from the living room. He witnessed his eyes brightening upon hearing her voice. He left his image to go to one he liked more. He stepped out of the bathroom and into the living room, the sight of her taking his breath away.

She was wearing one of his blue tee shirts, the bottom coming down to about three inches below her thighs. She saw him staring and peeked down at herself quickly, blushing, "I hope you don't mind. It just came out of the dryer and it was so warm that—."

"It's fine, Ran," he stopped her, smiling at some of her shyness that still lingered, "I've always wanted to see you walking around with just my shirt on." He said it so suggestively, he even surprised himself. When he felt himself blush, he laughed inwardly, thinking he was just as shy as she was.

"Oh, I'm wearing shorts, too," she said simply, lifting the shirt a little to reveal boxer shorts.

His eyes going dull, Shinichi felt like falling over from the stupid moment, but decided to let it slide. He was sure there would come a day when she would have nothing else on. He snapped out of his thoughts when she laughed nervously, her fingers fumbling with the hem of the shirt.

And then as though she was a little girl looking for a comforting hug, she raised her arms. Silently, he closed the gap between them and wrapped his arms around her waist, her arms going around his neck. Ran stood on her tiptoes to have a better hold, leaning her body against his.

"I was so scared to go to sleep last night thinking I would wake up and find that you left," she admitted, hiding her face in the crook of his neck.

He chuckled lowly, "I don't think I would be able to leave you for anything after what happened."

Her nervous laughter continued, her heels now touching the floor as she pressed her forehead to his chest. His fingers wrapped around his arm, her feet taking steps backward to pull him to where she wanted. He followed without a complaint, their movements looking quite awkward if anyone else had been watching.

Smiling, he rested his chin on top of her head, once again breathing in the scent of breakfast, "Mm…something smells good, Ran. What—."

Before he could get another word out, she pushed him away roughly. He was too surprised to catch his balance properly, but was glad that she moved him over to the couch so the furniture could catch his fall. His eyes widened when he looked up at her, knowing that flaring, angry glare he was receiving.

He gulped rather loudly, "R-Ran?"

"Now that it's the next day and we can finally have our "heart-to-heart" talk," she started, quoting the words with her fingers, "I'd like to start off by saying How dare you, Kudou Shinichi!"

"Uh…uh?" was all he managed to get out. Weren't they just snuggling a moment ago?

"For all these years…all these years! You kept your real identity a secret from me! How you managed to hide it so well will forever baffle me, but that's not the point. The point is that you did hide it! From me! Me, Shinichi, me!"

He opened his mouth to say something, but she held up her hand to stop him, "I'm talking here. Don't interrupt me." She sounded so frustrated, her face already flushed from her quick outburst, that Shinichi did all he could to hide a small smile. When she screamed through clenched teeth, however, he wiped the smile away, not wanting to make her angrier. He watched her pace back and forth for a moment as she let off steam.

"And it's one thing that you "disappeared"…but using my house as a hide-away? Without my even knowing? How…how…" she tried desperately to look for the right words, "How could you!"

His eyes lowered, mostly to hide his slight amusement. Yes, he did know how serious this talk should be, but by the way things were going, she could hardly talk at all. Slowly, he raised his blue orbs to her, "You have no idea what to say right now, do you?"

Surprised at his question, she stumbled over her words for a moment. Finally, she just threw her hands in the air, "No! No, I have no idea what to say. How ironic is that! For years I've practiced what to say to you when I saw you again, but now…I-I can't remember!" Her eyes looked so wild, Shinichi's eyes filled with enjoyment.

She noticed this, her back straightening firmer as though a steel rod was placed in her spine, "I even practiced what to say when I did find out you were really Shinichi when I went through your things in your room!" As soon as the words left her mouth, she regretted them. She placed her hand over her lips hard, like she was slapping them for being bad.

She just admitted she went through his private things. She could only hope he wasn't too mad. But as she continued to see that soft smile linger on his lips, she had to raise a brow questioningly.

"Shinichi?" she asked cautiously, "You're not mad at me…are you?"

He shook his head, "No, I already know you went through my things."

Her eyes widened, the blush returning, "You do?"

Shinichi laughed at her surprise, "Ran, it can't be that much of a shocker, can it?" When she didn't answer, he continued, "I'm a detective. It's a habit of mine to notice little things. And I know that box and the things in it weren't the way I left them."

Blinking, she still looked confused, "But…if you knew all along…why didn't you say anything?"

He leaned forward, entwining his fingers together in front of him, "Why didn't you?"

"What do you mean?" she asked anxiously, lowering herself to sit beside him.

He sighed and turned towards her, "Since you knew I was Shinichi…why didn't you confront me about it? Why did you keep letting it linger on? And before you ask me why I didn't tell you…it was because I was trying to get up the nerve to."

She opened her mouth, but this time, he held up his hand to stop her, "Ah, Ran…it's my turn to talk now."

Ran couldn't help but smile as he mocked her.

"That's not my only question. Last night, you gave me a speech about how you didn't…love me anymore. What was the point in that? Did you say that 'cause you knew it would hurt me and this was your means of revenge?" His tone was more curious than angry or sad, leaving the question hanging oddly in the air.

Ran leaned the side of her head against the couch, "I guess I have just as much explaining to do. Well…I didn't confront you about it, because I thought you would be mad at me for snooping through your things. And I didn't want to lose you forever because of something that stupid. I kept…trying to get you to spill the truth. I don't know if you noticed or not, but I tried to drop a lot of hints."

Shinichi smiled, "I noticed…"

"Well…then…" she groaned, "Shinichi, if you saw that I looked through your things and you noticed that I kept giving you hints, why the hell didn't you tell me!" She became frustrated again.

Shifting uncomfortably, he was surprised when she stumped him, "Wow, I…I don't really know. I guess something in the back of my mind thought that maybe you didn't read anything, but instead just looked through the little odds and ends."

Ran kicked him in the shin, seeing his face go red with pain, "Why did we put ourselves through this torture?! We could have just—."

"Ran!" he interrupted her, rubbing his shin to ease the pain. Kami, why did he have to love such a violent woman? "You still didn't answer my other question. Why did you say that?"

Inadvertently, she shifted her guilty eyes away from him, "That was just another one of my pitiful attempts, I guess. It was stupid, I know. I hurt myself hearing the words." She looked to him again to show him her sincerity, "I thought that if I told you I couldn't hold onto a memory anymore, that you would just come out and tell me that it was really you. I thought you would confess everything right there…but then you didn't." She stated the last part a bit sadly.

He stared at her with wide eyes, "I had no idea that was the point you were trying to get across to me…"

She laughed to break the moment, "I realize this. I guess your extended knowledge only goes so far."

"Yeah, I gue—hey!" he yelled when he caught onto the insult. They both laughed at themselves for a minute, lighting the mood so the uneasiness would lessen.

When the laughter began to die down, Ran boldly reached out and ran her finger down the side of his face. She smiled when she saw his boyish blush, "But seriously, Shinichi…when I saw that in depth paper about your condition and how the cure was still irretrievable, I was so confused. It explained so much and yet so little. And then your note to me admitting who you really were…that broke my heart. I realized that I left you all those years ago and I didn't even know it."

The right side of his mouth twitched, "Ran, you didn't leave me. You had to come here for college. Really, would you have stayed there if you knew the truth?"

"Yes!" She exclaimed like it was the most obvious answer and he asked the stupidest question. She saw his look of doubt and calmed down a little. "Well…I would have at least taken you with me so you wouldn't have to live with my dad," she giggled.

Shinichi shivered at the memory, "Don't remind me of those days." He grinned when Ran laughed some more. Shaking his head, he continued, "Anyway…don't you think that would have been a little more than awkward? You knowing who I actually was…us living alone…me being ten years old?" They both quirked a brow at each other.

"Weird…" Ran affirmed, nodding her head slowly, "that would have been…awkward…"

He nodded, "Yeah…and you would have turned into a child molester."

She gaped at him before smacking him on his shoulder, "Shinichi!" Though she criticized him and looked like she was about to die from embarrassment, she couldn't help the small pull tugging at her lips.

Ran stood up and began pacing again with her arms folding, ignoring how much enjoyment Shinichi was getting out of this. She decided to get back to the topic at hand, "Anyway, so Ai-chan was never able to find the antidote?"

Shinichi stopped laughing abruptly, suddenly looking as though it never occurred, "No, just a twenty-four hour one. That was how you were able to see me sometimes. I really don't know if she's still working on it."

"What if she is?" Ran asked, stopping in front of him, "And she gives it to you. Are you going to take it?"

Though it should have been, and often was, something Shinichi thought about, the question caught him off guard. 'What would I do? I mean…the whole appearance thing doesn't seem to matter anymore…I look just like I did when I was seventeen the first time.' He glanced up at Ran to see her still staring at him. 'I guess it doesn't matter…Ran still looks the same age, too.'

"I don't know what I would do," Shinichi confessed. "I'm two different people…Conan has become a part of who I am."

Ran started to shake her head, "Shinichi…you're you. He's you. Either way, it's you. The question wasn't meant to be hard, I was just wondering…"

"Yeah, but Ran…who do you want me to be?" He questioned her, causing her mouth to shut tightly. "You say he's me, but you also know that he's not. You never loved Conan the same way you did Shinichi, did you?"

"That's a stupid question," Ran remarked, scoffing at him by shaking her head.

He stared into her eyes and challenged her, "Then answer it."

Again, he said something that caused her to stumble over her words. She stuttered, trying to buy time on how to answer the question correctly. She covered her face with her hands for a moment, then looked back up, "Shinichi, it doesn't matter. You're the same person."

Shinichi shook his head, "It does matter. You want me to be Shinichi." She was about to deny it, but he beat her, "I'm not ridiculing you on the matter, I'm just saying what's true. As soon as it was out in the open, you began calling me Shinichi again and you still are. So…this means that Conan's out of the picture."

It shocked Ran how depressed that made her. Even though she just got done telling him that he was the same person either way…hearing that Conan would be "out of the picture" was more than a little disturbing. Shinichi was her one true love, but Conan was her darling little brother. Her eyes widened. 'No way…'

She shook her head roughly to get the thoughts out of her mind, "Shinichi, it doesn't matter. I'll have—."

"It does matter," he intervened, "If I'm going to become Shinichi again, I have to make Conan disappear some how."

"Then…just do what you did to make yourself disappear," she said, not too enthusiastically. She was beginning to not like this conversation at all. It was making her feel uneasy.

Shinichi shook his head, "You know how hard that was? I—," he stopped himself short and let out a breath, "There's another thing…the reason I changed my name in the first place: The Black Organization. They might hear my name once I release it again and come looking for me."

Ran remembered seeing them mentioned in Ai's exegesis document, "They wouldn't really be looking for you after all these years…would they?"

He stared at her for a long moment before shaking his head, "I have no idea…"

As they both went silent, Ran began feeling guilty about putting all this pressure on Shinichi. She again sat next to him, threading her arm through his, "Don't worry about it, Shinichi. As I said, you're you and that's all there is to it. I'll take you any way I can get you." Smiling, she leaned in and kissed the side of his mouth.

He smiled weakly at her, "Arigatou, Ran."

She nodded and kissed him again, then again, "Anyway, how about I warm up that breakfast for you?" She asked, standing up and heading toward the kitchen. Shinichi watched her go, absently looking at the wall clock to see that it read a little have eleven thirty. He looked down and sighed again. Though a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders now that Ran knew his big secret, he still felt skeptical.

He held out his hands, palm up, and looked at them with shaky eyes. He wanted to go back to being Shinichi for her…he did for many years…but what about Conan?

'Who am I?'

::hides face:: I am so, so, so, so, so sorry for taking this long to update! Time just…flew by so quick, I didn't even realize it. I've been really busy though (as I try to avoid making excuses). Not only that, but I did have a minor writer's block. I hope I didn't drive all you guys away for taking so long! ::lip quivers in anticipation::

I do have some good news, though it doesn't really involve the story. I got accepted into the Navy! Yea! I took my oaths and such December 3rd and I'm to leave September 5th for boot camp…which kinda sucks because that's labor day. Ah well…I got a $50,000 scholarship for any college, which it also great. Just thought I'd share my good news with you guys.

Thanks for reading!