Okay, so this is the last chapter. I was going to finish it with the last one, but decided i would add the funeral in. This is quite a long chapter. Sorry for any mistakes, it was late when i wrote this. But it is finally finished. Thanks so much for following, favoriting this story, and for any reviews. It means a lot.

Chapter Ten

Johnpaul's POV.

I turned around to look at the alarm clock on my bedside table, the numbers glowed red as it told me it was five in the morning. I don't think I slept a wink that night. I got home yesterday, I went for a walk, had a tea and then I just shut myself in my room, thinking of all the old memories it held for me and Craig. This whole house held memories of us, not just when we was secretly seeing each other, from when we was friends too. This is the place me and Craig first slept together, that was the same day he told me he couldn't stop thinking about me. This is also the house that Craig told me he loved me for the first time. I ended up laughing to myself thinking of all the times we had in this house, like the time Jake nearly caught us and I was trying to get the cuddly toy of Craig.

But now, it was the day of the funeral, and I was going to be making a speech, and I still have no clue what to write, because no words can explain how much he meant to me, and at this rate I was going to have to say whatever came to me at the time, because I still have an empty piece of paper looking at me from across the room, with lots of scraps covering the floor. I had been sitting at the desk until 3.30 this morning trying to think of something but my mind was blank, so I decided to go to bed, but I couldn't sleep, all I could think of was Craig alone in the chapel, on his own, cold, waiting to cremated.

I gave it another half hour in bed then was sick of just lying there looking at my alarm clock, so I got out of bed, pulled on a pair of joggers and walked down the stairs to make a tea. Mum says "a good ole brew always help when ya feeling down" not that it had helped in the slightest yet. But then again I suppose when she says that she doesn't expect to be mourning for your boyfriend, or your son's partner. I walked over and put the kettle on anyway, made a strong tea and sat at the breakfast bar. Looking around the house I realised quite a bit had changed, the front room didn't have the crappy orange walls now, it was done stylish, you could tell it was a girls home. It had clothes on the sofa's and the furniture had been changed. I had to admit, it did look better to the last time I was here.
I was distracted from my thoughts as I heard a creak on the stairs, I looked over to see Theresa coming down them. I had met her years back briefly, but we was only young, but she seems nice, and us McQueen's are all the same, so it wasn't hard to get to know her, she is a typical dippy blonde, who likes to make sure she looks good like my sisters, she is funny, but also gobby and bitchy like the others when she wants to be. She is Aunt Kathleen Angel's daughter (mums sister) but as far as I know, they don't see or speak to each other very often, which makes her my cousin.

" Alright? Thought I 'eard someone come down 'ere. How ya doin'?"

"Yeah, im good, just thinking ya no."

"yeah… look i'm sorry about Craig, I know I didn't know him, but whenever Myra spoke about ya, she always said that Craig was a decent bloke"

I felt a small smile on my face.

"Yeah, yeah he was."

I stood up and reached into a drawer to pull out some paper and a pen, but when I did it was the cutlery drawer.

"You don't know where the pen and paper are do ya?"

She leaned into a drawer to her right and pulled out a small pad and a biro. I leaned forward and took them out of her and said cheers, I placed myself back into my seat opened the pad and just looked at it blankly. What do I write?
Theresa placed herself in front of me again, and sat clutching the cup of tea in her hand.

"Ya know, if ya tryin' to think of something to say at the… yano, instead of speaking to the people there, why don't you speak as if you talking to Craig, say what you would tell him, it might make it easier."

I looked up at Theresa that was probably one of the cleverest things I have heard come out of her mouth since I got here, and now that she said that, I knew that it would be easier. I will talk to Craig instead of the people there to say goodbye, because I don't need them to know how much I love and cared for Craig, I need Craig to know, because this is my last time of getting a chance to properly say it to him, before I have to try and let him go.

"You know what, that is actually a great idea, thanks. Who'd thought a McQueen had brains aye?"

"Hey, I can be brainy."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, I know the prime minister is Tony Blair."

"Close, its David Cameron, has been since 2010, it was Gordon Brown before that and then Tony Blair."

"Oh."

"Still me with all the brains then, then again Tina was a brainy one as well, I reckon the brains was split between us and all the other McQueen's was left with none"

"Oi, why do I even need to know who prime minister is? Not like I care."

At that we heard footsteps, and we both looked around to see Jacqui tumbling down the stairs half a sleep, her hair falling from the usual tight pony tail, with no make-up on.

"Ey ah Theresa, put the kettle on will ya." She then stifled a yawn.

"Err, Jac are you alright? What you doing up it's only nearly 7."

" 'eadache"

"Jac, if you don't want to go today its fine, Mum said she will come with me, i know it's probably hard an everything what with Rhys's not that long ago."

"Hey, I am coming alright, one to support my baby brother and two because even though Craig messed ya about a bit, he was still a decent fella in the end."

"Yeah, thanks."

"What time is it anyway?"

"They get to the Dog in the Pond at 11, then they are doing the walk around the village and then to the church, the actually funeral starts at 11.45."

"Ah alright, you going up front with Frankie, Jack and Darren?

"Yeah, they said you and mum are welcome to join us."

"Do you want us to?"

"I would like it yeah, but it's entirely up to you."

"Yeah, course we will."

10.30

I was wearing a suit, it has to be one of the most uncomfterable things I have ever worn, and I know if Craig was here he would be telling me to go change, he'd say its better to be comfy than look good. But then again I have been dressing him for the past four years. At first I used to put up with it, but then he used to look like such a slob, one day I told him that he looked manky, he had been wearing the same joggers for three days in a row as he had no uni or no work. So he told me that I should sort his clothes out for him, and I don't think he thought I actually would, but I did, and then it stuck me getting up and getting changed and sorting his out as well.

I was sitting in the front room of The Dog in the Pond, with mum, Jacqui, Frankie, Jack, Darren and Nancy. It was nice sitting in there, I was talking to Nancy, it had been years since we last spoke, we both had sort of forgotten about the whole 'Sarah, me and Craig' triangle, I suppose as it was years ago it didn't really matter that much anymore, and what with us being at Craig's funeral, it just wasn't spoke about. Actually speaking to Nancy helped, because we used to be such good friends, all of us, Me, Hannah, Craig, Sarah and Nancy, and what with Sarah gone, and now Craig, Hannah not being able to make it, it was just me and Nancy there, out of old group, we spoke about the old memories, and how different she was now to how she was then. She used to be some sort of rebel with a different colour in her hair every other week, getting drunk and going with her brother-in-law Jake, Craig's brother. To being a journalist, with her own child and married to Darren! I think that was the real shocker.

"Okay guys, they are here." Darren said.

Nancy stood to her feet, and Darren wrapped an arm around her, Frankie walked over to Jack were he took her hand. I slowly stood to my feet, heart racing, feeling like my throat was sealing up, I couldn't breathe properly. I felt a hand on my shoulder and I looked to see Jacqui's hand on it, and she gave it a small squeeze. I took hold of mum's hand and took deep breathes, before walking towards the door.

When I walked out of the front door, I was met with a cold gust of December air. I could just see over the lake the black hearse that held Craig. The second I set my eyes on it, the air felt like it had been knocked from my lungs, he was so close yet so far.

As we reached the hearse, I looked around to see that many people had gathered to say goodbye to Craig, I could see Tony and Ste, also there was Carmel, Mercedes and Michaela, and as I seen her, she came running over and flung her arms around my neck.

"Wh-What are you going here? I told you not to come, I would understand so would everyone else, you were touring with a band!"

"I know, but I had to come, I wouldn't be able to live with myself, I know me and Craig didn't exactly see eye to eye, but I-"

She couldn't finish her sentence she was hugging me again, and I suddenly felt stronger, my whole family was here to support me, even Mercedes, the others told her not to come, but she still did, even my baby sister came to be with me, and she was touring with a band!

Michaela pulled away her eyes teary. She gave me one more squeeze and walked back over to Carmel. I looked around a little more and spotted Spike and he gave me a small wave, and I nodded back, I looked back to the hearse and thought " I bet Craig would love that, Spike here, at his funeral."

When we arrived everyone made their way into the church. But me, Darren, Jack, and one other guy, that was going to also carry Craig. When everyone was inside, we bent low and took Craig onto our shoulders, I was at the front with Darren, and then Jack and the undertaker was at the back. I tried to be strong, but the minute I heard 'Snow Patrol's Chasing Cars', I could feel the tears brimming in my eyes, luckily I just had to walk in a straight line because I couldn't see anything, I felt one of the tears escape, and at that I let my guard down, as I was carrying the love of my life down the aisle, I was sobbing uncontrollably. I glanced next to me to see Darren, with silent tears rolling down his face, as we reached the front we placed Craig down and made our way to our loved ones, Jacqui and mum. We listened to the end of the song and then we all seated.

"We gather here today to remember the life of Craig Dean, a brother, son, partner and friend."

With that Frankie stood and made her way to the front, as she reached the stand I gave her a weak watery smile to let her know I was there for her, in which she returned.

"Well you all knew Craig, he was a great person. Yes, he was a handful, failed his exams first time round, and even though I would never of said it to his face, it's a good job because otherwise he would of never met Johnpaul, I know I had my doubts about them, but I learned to accept them as he was still my son, and he was at his happiest when he was with him. I always said that if he didn't learn to behave himself he would end up in his grave before me, but never did I actually believe that, yet here we are saying goodbye to him, my youngest son. I know he wouldn't want us all crying over him, if he was here he would be telling me to 'get over it'. I would have never believed that two of my children was to die before me, but It is a comfort to think of Craig and Steph up there together, and Sarah he might have to put up with an earful from her for a bit. Even though it is sad he is gone, I just have to remember what he told me when Steph passed, she isn't truly gone, she is always in your heart, and that is the same for him, he shall always be in my heart. I love you Craig."
With that she walked over to Craig's coffin, pressed her fingers to her lips and placed them on the plaque, she then placed a small rose on top and walked back to sit next to Darren and Jack and sobbed into Jacks shoulder as he rubbed her back in comfort.

Everyone started to look around, I had zoned out I was so nervous; the thing that bought me back was Jacqui poking me whispering
"Johnpaul, it's your turn."

"Wha- oh yeah" I slowly walked to the front of the church and looked out at everyone's tear stained faces.

"Right, well I haven't actually been asleep properly as I was too busy trying to think of something to say today, and I still haven't actually written anything down… because no words can explain how much Craig meant to me, he was the most handsome funniest guy I knew, he would make me laugh even If I was upset, if we had an argument he would always manage to win me round because I just couldn't stay mad at him. As you all know mine and Craig's relationship didn't exactly start of well- I heard a few chuckles and seen some small smiles from the faces looking up at me- but in the end we had our perfect ending, it was just like the end of a soppy movie actually, me chasing him to the train station and all that sort of stuff, and at that point I thought to myself, my life can get no better than this, he was the man I wanted to be with for the rest of my life, it had took us such a long time to get to that point, and now to have it all took away from us when we worked so hard at it is just unfair. – I could feel the tears coming again, but now that I had started I had to finish, I had to say this.- I didn't even get a proper goodbye as he slipped away right in front of me. So today whilst I was trying to think of what to say somebody told me to take this as a chance to say my goodbye, and to tell Craig just how as I felt, so, Craig, I just wanted to say that I love you so, so much, you meant the world to me, and nothing anyone says could of changed that, and when you said those three words to me for the first time, I knew I could never let you go. In fact the day I met you I knew you was special to me. On the 16th May 2007, and I know if you was here you would call me sad for remembering but still, that day when you told me you couldn't stop thinking about me was probably the second best day of my life, well up until you walked out on me anyway, but we can't all be perfect can we. But the best day of my life was 19th September 2008, when we moved to Dublin together. So I just want to say, that these past five years have been the best ever, and I will never forget you. As Frankie said, you shall always be in my heart, oh and whilst your waiting for me, try not to pull to many fella's. I love you Craig Dean, forever and always. Also I just wanted to take a minute to listen to this song, it was special to Craig."
With that Razorlight I Can't Stop this feeling I've got came on, as I walked over to his coffin, and murmured, I love you Craig, and placed a kiss, onto it, also placing a photo of me and him together in Dublin on top before returning to my seat to listen to the rest of the song.

The priest got up there and said a few more words before nodding to Darren to say his piece, he raised from his seat, and wobbled towards the stand.

"Hello, I don't really know what to say if im honest, Frankie and Johnpaul have pretty much said it all. He was such a decent bloke. I might not have knew him from the minute he was born, we may not have knew each other for our whole lives, but he was still my little baby brother. I may have winded him up about Johnpaul, but I was the only one who was aloud, if anyone else said something I made sure they knew that I was standing by him. Why did I care if he was gay? Still the same bloke, just likes men, not very attractive ones either, im only joking Johnpaul, your just not my type. Anyway, I used to wind him up but we still got on, and I just cant believe he is gone- with that Darren started to cry, I heard heels on the floor and Nancy was on her feet walking towards Darren and cuddling him- Im sorry Craig" With that he walked back to his chair but Nancy stayed up on the stand.

"Not all of you here will have known, but me and Craig used to be pretty close, we used to have our little study sessions, me, Johnpaul, Craig, Sarah and Hannah, and they was a laugh, in fact they have to be some of the best people I have met in my whole life. The last time me and Craig spoke we argued about Sarah, and I just wanted to tell Craig that I am sorry for moaning at him about that, and I forgive him, because I can see that he made the right decision. I am going to miss you Craig, and don't worry I will look after Johnpaul for you, I will keep him in line, like he used to with me."

With that she walked back to her chair, and I could see the black smudge of mascara running down her face, the priest walked up and said a few more words, before playing the last song, 'Epic Last Song' it's not exactly a funeral type song, but Craig loved it, and as the song was playing the coffin slipped behind the curtains, as he was about to be cremated. As we watched him disappear I could hear Frankie crying, and little sobs from around the room.

I will always love you Craig Dean, and one day in the future we shall be together again, I promise.

Again thank you so much for favoriting, reviewing and following it means a lot. I am hoping to write another soon. Its just a bit hard as my laptop is bust so i am having to borrow my mums.

Thanks. x