TEN
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Mavis folded her arms across her chest and, with a face that spoke of ice cream and chocolate, appraised the other Judoon. He was more about chainsaws and painful death, until Margaret's head popped up from its hiding place.
"Coo-ee!" she called. "'Scuze me, pet, but if you're not going to agree with Mavis, can I sneak out of here?"
The two Judoon turned deliberately and looked at her.
"Well… it's just that if I don't go and see what's happened to the Doctors, that loony in charge of you lot might actually set off some kind of reaction that destroys this world."
The Judoon threw his hands in the air. "Wo-ko-ho-do-so-lo-to?"
"Uh… because he's an evil git?" she hazarded. "Also, not too bright. I don't think he's realised he needs to be off this planet before he tries any funny business." She paused. "He does have a surprising lack of self-preservation for someone so egomaniacal."
The two Judoon looked at each other. Then back at Margaret.
"Did I mention there's free drinks back at my pub for every Judoon who helps us? That's if the pub's still there after the Master is done with this planet."
"So-to-lo-yo-ho-bo-go?" the Judoon asked.
"Well… yes, free drinks is all I have. Then again, it's everything I have," she said.
"Yo-ro-go-so-fo-yo-ho?" Mavis asked, surprised.
"Uhm… yes, I suppose so. Everything I have, the things that mean the world - this world - to me, at your disposal." Margaret paused. "Well? What do you say?"
The two Judoon faced each other again.
A further bout of consonant wars took place until finally the male threw his hands in the air. "Fo-bo-so-fo-bo-so-go," he said, somewhat resigned.
"Great!" Margaret grinned. She pushed herself up and began to climb down the ladder. She jumped to the barn flooring just as the two Judoon were shaking hands. "Right then. Let's get this lockbox into the troop transport, and us to wherever the Doctors have gone."
.
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The Time Rotor plunged and surfed - and complained about it very loudly. Jack was tossed back away from the doors as the TARDIS bucked up and down. He slammed into the ramp.
The Rani grabbed the console to steady himself. "Any time!" he cried in anger.
"When I get out of here—" the Master shrieked from inside the column of light, "I will find you, Rani! I will end you!"
"Yeah, yeah!" he scoffed.
Jack squirmed around to get to his feet. He had to clutch at the railing as the green light intensified. The Time Rotor pulsed once, twice - and then a bright arc of some kind of power zapped across the space and into the green light surround the woman.
The Rani turned quickly. "Here! If this doesn't work - shoot us both!" He threw the small pistol at Jack.
"What?" Jack spluttered. He snatched for the gun but it fell to the grating. As he bent and scrabbled around to retrieve it the Time Rotor emitted another arc of energy - into the Rani.
Jack backed up quickly. He heard the door trying to open behind him but all he could do was stare. The two beams of charge were crackling as they steamed into the man and woman. Sudden gales buffeted Jack's face and hair; he put his hands up to protect his face. Dust, grit, small items not tied down - they all swirled around in the tiny electrical storm in a TARDIS-sized teacup. The lights flickered and buzzed. Something exploded and fizzed white sparks over the console.
Suddenly it all stopped. The wind dropped to nothing. The energy arcs were gone.
Jack stepped back and pushed at the door behind him. It opened up - and three men piled in.
"What the—" Mr Black Jacket screeched to a halt. "Jack… what did you do?"
"Nothing," he said.
The three men walked round him and up the incline. The green column of mist was wrapped around the man. Mr Brown Suit pushed his way to the front of the group and approached slowly. He peered at him, but the man appeared to be frozen in time.
Jack was already going around them all to the fallen woman, now clawing at the grating by her collapsed legs as if it would pick her up to save her the trouble. Jack grabbed her by the shoulder.
She looked up at him - and then paused. "Did it work?" she croaked.
"No," Mr Bow-tie said. He surveyed the entire room. "The Bahhoff web is secure, the head of your Judoon platoon is on our side, and whatever you just tried to do… failed."
She sat up, oblivious to Jack's grip on her. She raised her palms to look at them. She turned them over. Then she looked at Jack. "It worked!"
Mr Brown Suit pulled out his screwdriver, pressing a few settings before running it up and down the man still imprisoned in the green mist. "Oh. Very interesting."
"When you say 'it'," Jack said, keeping her steady, "what are you referring to?"
The woman sat back and just grinned. "I'm free. It worked."
"You're a long way from free," Mr Black Jacket said. "Explain what you just did to the Rani, there."
"She's encased him in a stasis field," Mr Brown Jacket mused. "A non-lethal, time-freezing stasis field."
"Why?" Jack asked.
The woman put her hand out. Jack grasped it and together they pulled her to her feet. "He was holding me hostage. So I lied. I stole. I cheated. And now I'm back home again." She let go of Jack's hand to turn to the Doctors. "I know you're going to try to somehow punish me for what I've done, but I didn't ask to be here - and I didn't ask to be body-swapped so that egotistical lunatic could try and demolish this world."
"Body-swapped?" Jack asked.
The Rani brushed off her trousers, before trying to pull her blouse straight. "The Master. He picked me up and offered me work. I took it. As it turns out… I should have asked more questions first."
Mr Bow-tie walked closer to the green light. "So this is the Master. He traded bodies with you, which is why you didn't want us to hurt him."
"Correct." She teased her hair from her face, twisted it round the back of her neck. "And now you'll take him off my hands and I'll be on my merry way." She moved to walk away.
Mr Black Jacket reached out and caught her elbow. She was dragged to a stop. "Wait a minute," he said. "You're not off the hook. You can't just say 'the Master did it' and run off."
"But the Master did do it," she snapped. "And now I'm free to return to my own experiments."
A muted dong! echoed round the room.
"My TARDIS doesn't agree," Mr Brown Suit said. "The Master may have had you at a disadvantage - but you had a choice in the first place, Rani. You chose to help him when he first asked."
"He said it was for science!" she protested. "That all I had to do was some wiring for him, and regulate some power flow he'd designed! I had no idea he'd take my body as collateral and force me here to this miserable planet to enslave TARDISes!"
"And yet that's what you did," Mr Bow-tie said.
"Under duress," she snapped. "What would you have done, if he'd threatened your TARDIS, Doctor?"
Mr Bow-tie opened his mouth to reply, then paused and thought about it. "Well you didn't have to go through with it. As soon as we turned up, all you had to do was ask for help."
She shook her arm free of Mr Black Jacket. "Like you'd have helped me."
"What makes you think we wouldn't?" Mr Brown Suit asked.
"Just the last half-dozen times we've met!" she snapped. "We've never been on the same side, Doctors - or have you forgotten the Luddite riots?"
The three Doctors shared a knowing glance.
"That was before," Mr Brown Suit said. "Right at this moment, we're all on the same side - we all want to stop the Master."
"Oh yes - stop the idiot from destroying this wretched ball," she tutted. "And then punish me when he's dealt with. Same old story - always second fiddle to the Master."
"What do we do with her?" Jack asked.
"We take her with us and maybe asked the Judoon what they think," Mr Bow-tie said with a wide smile. "After all, they were promised their freedom. I wonder what they'll do when they find out that she was never going to give it to them."
"But I was," the Rani said. "It was the Master who wanted them all dead!"
The TARDIS gave a quiet hum, the lights turning more aqua-marine.
The Doctors looked at each other. "Perhaps she's telling the truth," Mr Brown Suit said.
Again, the TARDIS hummed at them.
"That's settled," he nodded. "We take her back to speak to the Judoon."
"That's assuming they don't want us all dead because they think the Master is still in charge," Jack said.
They heard a knock on the fake wood of the front door. "Hello?"
They all turned to see Margaret poking her head in the gap. "Marge!" Jack grinned. "Everything alright?"
"Of course," she said. "Everyone's meeting back at mine for a few pints. Anyone coming?"
"Everyone?" Mr Bow-tie asked.
"Oh, me and all the Judoon. "We've sorted all the unpleasantness - live and let live on another planet, I say."
Mr Black Jacket grinned. "Humans," he said with an air of satisfaction.
"So - are we inviting your lady friend there?" Margaret said. "And… whoever's in the green cloud?"
"It's a long story," Mr Bow-tie said, "but our friend in the green cloud will be along in a moment." He turned to Jack. "However, Jack's going to escort his new lady friend to the party. Just so she doesn't skip out on us. Right, Jack?"
"Yes sir," Jack said with a smile. He took the Rani's upper arm and they began to walk toward the door.
"I was hoping you'd say that," Margaret said. "With all these army lads and lasses in, I'm going to need help change a barrel or two."
"Is that what we're calling it in front of Time Lords?" Jack said with a saucy wink.
"Oh go on, you. Get back to the pub and we'll go over what's actually happened when we've all got a pint down us."
"Yes ma'am," he nodded. He opened the other door and disappeared, taking the Rani with him.
"And you three?" Margaret asked.
Mr Black Jacket turned to her. "We'll be along," he nodded. "Just need to work out what to do with Bonkers, here."
"Bring him out of it, give him a drink, listen to his story. It's what I do with everyone who wanders into my pub," she said. She backed out of the door and it closed in front of her.
"Wise woman," Mr Black Jacket said. He turned, rubbing his hands. "Now then. How do we get him out - and what do you think that field's done to his mind?"
Mr Bow-tie raised his screwdriver and adjusted a few settings. "Would it be really rude of me if I did… this?" The screwdriver flashed on and began to emit a high-pitched whine. The green cloud vibrated, sparked - and then began to dissipate.
"Depends," Mr Brown Suit said, snatching the screwdriver off him hurriedly. He inspected the settings. "What exactly did you do?"
"Not much," Mr Bow-tie said. "I might have tinkered with the resonance of the field to get it to unravel."
The Master - now free of the green mist - blinked, put his hands to his face, and felt at his skin. "Am I… intact?" he asked quietly.
"Yes," Mr Brown Suit said. "How do you feel?"
"Er…" The Master looked around, then back at them. "Where am I?"
"Quite right - quite right - you should be outside!" Mr Bow-tie said with glee. He yanked on his arm, all the way out of the door and into the car park. "There. Pub on our left, nice clear sky above us - look at that lovely purple sunset going on. What more could you want?"
The Master turned slowly. "What was I…" He put his hands in his trouser pockets as if looking for something. They came out again, empty. "I'm sure I was doing something… Something very important. A job."
The other two Doctors appeared from the TARDIS, closing the doors behind them.
Mr Brown Suit walked over. "You don't remember?"
The Master looked up at him. "I'm sorry - do I know you? —Any of you?"
Mr Black Jacket folded his arms. "Yeah - we're your mates," he said with a grin. "And you… You work in a pub. You're a barman."
"Well," Mr Brown Suit said suddenly, "'barman' is pushing it. You work for Margaret. You're new. You pull pints, collect glasses, clean up—"
"Change barrels," Mr Bow-tie said. "You only started this morning, but you're learning fast."
"I am?" the Master asked. "Oh. Uh… good. Is that good?"
"It is good - very good," Mr Black Jacket said. He slung an arm round the Master's shoulders and walked him away from the TARDIS. "And you volunteered to do overtime tonight. There's a bit of a late-night party with some aliens."
"Aliens?" the Master echoed. "What do you mean, 'aliens'?"
The Doctor grinned. "As of 'not of this planet' aliens. Don't worry - they may look intimidating but they're actually very nice, once you get to know them. Which is why you offered to work all night to help Margaret out. For free, of course."
"Oh. That sounds very good of me," the Master said amiably.
"Oh it is - you're a sound bloke, Mast—. Martin," Mr Black Jacket said. "Always helpful, always considerate of others - just a really nice, really reliable bloke."
"Well that's kind of you to say." He let the Doctor lead him toward the pub.
The remaining two Gallifreyans looked at each other.
And then they laughed and followed them into the pub.
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