I OWN EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (or not)
**********************************
Pippin and Merry had just finished their discussion about hedgehogs, and decided it was time to break out the sugar.
"Merry?"
"What?"
"I'm hungry"
"Well, that's why we're about to open the wizz-fizz, don't you read introductions?"
"What an introduction?"
"It's up there, at the top. Well, after the line of asterixes."
"Oh, ok, ..da di da di dah..........discussion.........da di da di dah......time to break out the sugar. There, all done"
"And now, for sugar"
"Yay, I like sugar"
It must be mentioned that the effects of sugar on a six year old child are magnified in the case of hobbits. Much in the same way as basil. We now cut ten minutes ahead into their sugar binge......
"Merry?" slurred Pippin.
"What?" drawled Merry.
"I love you" gurgled Pippin.
"I love YOU!" lisped Merry, while pointing a finger at Pippin, two inches from Pippin's face.
"Thanks" burbled Pippin through a bowl of porridge which he had just fallen into face-first.
"I think we should go have some fun outside."
"Really? Where should we go?"
"To Caitrin's house!"
"Why?"
"Because she hasn't been in this fanfic lately, and i think she might be getting lonely."
"Awwww, poor Caitrin, do you think we should get her a present?"
"Yeah, let's bring the wizz-fizz and sherbet. She can have some of that!"
"Yeah, great idea Merry"
"As usual"
As the two hobbits tottered down to Caitrin's house, the next stages of sugar withdrawral kicked in. As hobbits consume sugar, their bodies are driven into a state of shock for a while, but after that, they cut loose!
Pippin was dancing down the path, kicking at thin air and singing loudly, "Footloose, kick off your sunday shoes.."
"Pip?" aked Merry, comparatively sober.
"Yeah?" replied Pippin, almost bouncing his buttons loose.
"What are shoes?" queried Merry, questionably.
"I don't rightly know Esme....I mean....Merry" answered Pippin, in a half-dream state.
"What did you call me?" wondered Merry.
"I think it was Esme, but I don't know why."
"Me either. Hey there's Caitrin's house!"
"How did we get here?"
"By walking, or dancing in your case"
"Woah!"
As they walked (or frolicked) up the garden path to Caitrin's, Merry started to convulse. His sugar had built up instead of releasing itself throughout his body at a constant rate, like Pippin. Merry's body was about to explode in all it's sugary goodness. Pippin had seen the signs, but had never expected it to happen in his life. As a child, he had been told of this dreaded disease, about how disfiguring it can be to the victim, and what sort of destruction it can wreak upon civilisation......(bah bah BAAAAAAAAAAH)
Merry was writhing on the ground. Muttering every type of sugary confection in the Shire. He was going through the first stages, and Pippin had to slow them down. He rushed into Caitrin's house and lifted the flamethrower from the side of the stable door. He ran round to where Merry was laid, but alas, HE WAS GONE. Pippin ran through the village, screaming at the top of his lungs:
"SUGAR MAD HOBBIT, SUGAR MAD HOBBIT, SUGAR MAD HOBBIT, SUGAR MAD HOBBIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Small children of the village had been warned that someday, this would happen. All the children knew the drill. The children dropped their kites and dolls and ran to the nearest smial. All gardeners hid in their sheds. All mothers held their children close by, and waited for the danger to pass. And all the men of the Shire would find their pitchforks, flamethrowers and other various forms of intimidation. Pippin led his entourage of enforcements up the hill to the man on the hill. Everyone knew about the hobbit on the hill. He knew how to cure all ills. Mothers knew how to treat colds and bruises, but this hobbit knew how to mend bones, brew vitality and even cure the sugar-madness. Pippin knocked on the door. He knocked for what seemed five seconds before the old one looked out. It only took one word to explian.
"Sugar-madness"
With that, the old hobbit reached for the orange bag which he kept by the door at all times, ever awaiting this dreadful day. The day when all his experience would be tested. A day when the fate of the Shire would be decided, BY HIM!
The fortress was set. Pippin hated to do this to Merry, but he also knew what a danger there was presented to hobbitanity that day. Pippin walked along the line of hobbits, speaking as he went:
"You are the one hope of Hobbiton. The united front against sugary evil. The only force that can tackle this beast. He is a hobbit like yourselves, but he is overcome with this terrible disease, and must therefore be taken. He will struggle, but force will only be used if neccessary!" At this point Pippin had started to weep, for he knew that by these words, he may be dooming his friend and cousin to torture and death. But he knew that this had to be done! That the Shire would not be safe otherwise. "He may seem a fearsome foe, but do not see him as that. He will try to overcome you with pity and adoration, but his sweetness should not sway your hearts! This day, we capture this menace. THIS DAY WE FIGHT!!!"
At the conclusion of his speech, there was a loud cheer, and a tear rolled down Pippin's cheek. Why did this have to happen, why did Merry have to be involved. Pippin had managed well enough, but having to deal unsympathetically with your best frind and cousin was not easy. It tore Pippin's heart to do so, but he knew his duties. And Pippin was a slave of duty!
All the hobbits were stationed, hidden behind bushes, keeping watch for the dreaded Merry. Sentinels had been positioned on opposing hills, on standby to reflect a ray of sunlight when the beast approached. And sure enough, from the eastern hill, a flash was seen. A mere twinkling on the horizon that sent a chill through the hobbits. For as the flash died down, there appeared on the plain, a figure. When Pippin had left him, Merry was wearing his usual dusty yellow vest and worn green trousers. But this figure was different. His shoulders were broad and capped with gold plates. A fluro yellow vest adorned a shiny white billowing shirt and his trousers were bright green and twinkling in the sunlight. Merry's head had changed too. His skull had grown and his eyes were inflamed, huge balls of blue with enormously dilated pupils. And his hair had grown solid and shiny. The rough curls and tangles had gone, and instead there lay a solid mass of glistening blonde ringlets. The creature was strange. As such had never been seen by living eyes, but the doctor HAD! The doctor spoke under his breath:
"I have seen this in distant lands, starnge as it is, they do not defea by strength of arms, but by absolute and utterly ruthless CUTENESS!! It is called the sugar-madness in the westron tongue, but in the tongues of old, it is called......................ANIME!!
A shudder went through the crowd. "But do not fear, for this is but a slight case, and i feel may be able to cure it myself"
With that statement, the doctor strode out onto the field. Pippin gasped as he thought of what might happen to his dear Merry, but was reassured that it was the doctor, and not hundreds of marauding hobbits who were treating his friend.
The doctor came to Merry. "Merry!" he declared at the creature. But there was no answer. "Meriadoc!" he shouted. But still no answer. "Okay, okay, Omedutu!" With that, the creature began his long conversation with the doctor. Pippin had never heard such a strange toungue, but was relieved when both Merry and the Doctor sat down. The doctor handed Merry an elaborate talisman, and told him a long and complicated story, which involved many hand gestures and ricly coloured garments to be pulled out of the orange bag. Eventually, the two stood up. They stood face to face and held the talisman between them. The doctor and the creature had agreed and were about to undergo a complete transformation. The doctor said to the creature, "Samui kara mado o shimete kudasai." and the creature shrieked. Pippin had heard something like it when Merry had gotten a spliter but this scream was a thousand times worse. He covered his ears and tried not to think of what was happening to Merry. But he still felt a tear roll down from between his fingers. But then, the screaming stopped, and there int he middle of the field was the doctor, and Merry.
Pippin ran down from his tree and sped towards his cousin, but he was unconcious. The doctor said, "He shall be out for some time, he will need rest." "But what happened?" "I distilled the sugary sweetness out of his body, and i have stored it in this tiny talisman." The doctor then held up a small stone. It seemed ordinary enough, but at the touch, it glowed bright orange. The doctor said "This is what drove your cousin mad! It seems that the sugar was too much for him. But i have never seen this happen in a mere case of sugar-madness. What else did he eat?" "Well, we had some sherbet, and some wizz-fizz.."
"Wizz-fizz? I have heard that name, but i cannot recall. What is it?" "It's a type of fermented herbal tea mixture. It is made in the far reaches of Arka-loquer, and takes some months to perfect each batch." "Ahhhh, so it would be the famous Wizz Fizz, the one which produced Herbie!" "Herbie?" "Never you mind young hobbit, it would make your head boggle. All you ever need know is that this talisman now holds the power over all unsweetened lifeforms on Middle Earth. It is dangerous, so i shall keep it safe. For now, you must take your friend and nurse him back to health. AND NO MORE SHERBET!!!!"
**********************************
Pippin and Merry had just finished their discussion about hedgehogs, and decided it was time to break out the sugar.
"Merry?"
"What?"
"I'm hungry"
"Well, that's why we're about to open the wizz-fizz, don't you read introductions?"
"What an introduction?"
"It's up there, at the top. Well, after the line of asterixes."
"Oh, ok, ..da di da di dah..........discussion.........da di da di dah......time to break out the sugar. There, all done"
"And now, for sugar"
"Yay, I like sugar"
It must be mentioned that the effects of sugar on a six year old child are magnified in the case of hobbits. Much in the same way as basil. We now cut ten minutes ahead into their sugar binge......
"Merry?" slurred Pippin.
"What?" drawled Merry.
"I love you" gurgled Pippin.
"I love YOU!" lisped Merry, while pointing a finger at Pippin, two inches from Pippin's face.
"Thanks" burbled Pippin through a bowl of porridge which he had just fallen into face-first.
"I think we should go have some fun outside."
"Really? Where should we go?"
"To Caitrin's house!"
"Why?"
"Because she hasn't been in this fanfic lately, and i think she might be getting lonely."
"Awwww, poor Caitrin, do you think we should get her a present?"
"Yeah, let's bring the wizz-fizz and sherbet. She can have some of that!"
"Yeah, great idea Merry"
"As usual"
As the two hobbits tottered down to Caitrin's house, the next stages of sugar withdrawral kicked in. As hobbits consume sugar, their bodies are driven into a state of shock for a while, but after that, they cut loose!
Pippin was dancing down the path, kicking at thin air and singing loudly, "Footloose, kick off your sunday shoes.."
"Pip?" aked Merry, comparatively sober.
"Yeah?" replied Pippin, almost bouncing his buttons loose.
"What are shoes?" queried Merry, questionably.
"I don't rightly know Esme....I mean....Merry" answered Pippin, in a half-dream state.
"What did you call me?" wondered Merry.
"I think it was Esme, but I don't know why."
"Me either. Hey there's Caitrin's house!"
"How did we get here?"
"By walking, or dancing in your case"
"Woah!"
As they walked (or frolicked) up the garden path to Caitrin's, Merry started to convulse. His sugar had built up instead of releasing itself throughout his body at a constant rate, like Pippin. Merry's body was about to explode in all it's sugary goodness. Pippin had seen the signs, but had never expected it to happen in his life. As a child, he had been told of this dreaded disease, about how disfiguring it can be to the victim, and what sort of destruction it can wreak upon civilisation......(bah bah BAAAAAAAAAAH)
Merry was writhing on the ground. Muttering every type of sugary confection in the Shire. He was going through the first stages, and Pippin had to slow them down. He rushed into Caitrin's house and lifted the flamethrower from the side of the stable door. He ran round to where Merry was laid, but alas, HE WAS GONE. Pippin ran through the village, screaming at the top of his lungs:
"SUGAR MAD HOBBIT, SUGAR MAD HOBBIT, SUGAR MAD HOBBIT, SUGAR MAD HOBBIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Small children of the village had been warned that someday, this would happen. All the children knew the drill. The children dropped their kites and dolls and ran to the nearest smial. All gardeners hid in their sheds. All mothers held their children close by, and waited for the danger to pass. And all the men of the Shire would find their pitchforks, flamethrowers and other various forms of intimidation. Pippin led his entourage of enforcements up the hill to the man on the hill. Everyone knew about the hobbit on the hill. He knew how to cure all ills. Mothers knew how to treat colds and bruises, but this hobbit knew how to mend bones, brew vitality and even cure the sugar-madness. Pippin knocked on the door. He knocked for what seemed five seconds before the old one looked out. It only took one word to explian.
"Sugar-madness"
With that, the old hobbit reached for the orange bag which he kept by the door at all times, ever awaiting this dreadful day. The day when all his experience would be tested. A day when the fate of the Shire would be decided, BY HIM!
The fortress was set. Pippin hated to do this to Merry, but he also knew what a danger there was presented to hobbitanity that day. Pippin walked along the line of hobbits, speaking as he went:
"You are the one hope of Hobbiton. The united front against sugary evil. The only force that can tackle this beast. He is a hobbit like yourselves, but he is overcome with this terrible disease, and must therefore be taken. He will struggle, but force will only be used if neccessary!" At this point Pippin had started to weep, for he knew that by these words, he may be dooming his friend and cousin to torture and death. But he knew that this had to be done! That the Shire would not be safe otherwise. "He may seem a fearsome foe, but do not see him as that. He will try to overcome you with pity and adoration, but his sweetness should not sway your hearts! This day, we capture this menace. THIS DAY WE FIGHT!!!"
At the conclusion of his speech, there was a loud cheer, and a tear rolled down Pippin's cheek. Why did this have to happen, why did Merry have to be involved. Pippin had managed well enough, but having to deal unsympathetically with your best frind and cousin was not easy. It tore Pippin's heart to do so, but he knew his duties. And Pippin was a slave of duty!
All the hobbits were stationed, hidden behind bushes, keeping watch for the dreaded Merry. Sentinels had been positioned on opposing hills, on standby to reflect a ray of sunlight when the beast approached. And sure enough, from the eastern hill, a flash was seen. A mere twinkling on the horizon that sent a chill through the hobbits. For as the flash died down, there appeared on the plain, a figure. When Pippin had left him, Merry was wearing his usual dusty yellow vest and worn green trousers. But this figure was different. His shoulders were broad and capped with gold plates. A fluro yellow vest adorned a shiny white billowing shirt and his trousers were bright green and twinkling in the sunlight. Merry's head had changed too. His skull had grown and his eyes were inflamed, huge balls of blue with enormously dilated pupils. And his hair had grown solid and shiny. The rough curls and tangles had gone, and instead there lay a solid mass of glistening blonde ringlets. The creature was strange. As such had never been seen by living eyes, but the doctor HAD! The doctor spoke under his breath:
"I have seen this in distant lands, starnge as it is, they do not defea by strength of arms, but by absolute and utterly ruthless CUTENESS!! It is called the sugar-madness in the westron tongue, but in the tongues of old, it is called......................ANIME!!
A shudder went through the crowd. "But do not fear, for this is but a slight case, and i feel may be able to cure it myself"
With that statement, the doctor strode out onto the field. Pippin gasped as he thought of what might happen to his dear Merry, but was reassured that it was the doctor, and not hundreds of marauding hobbits who were treating his friend.
The doctor came to Merry. "Merry!" he declared at the creature. But there was no answer. "Meriadoc!" he shouted. But still no answer. "Okay, okay, Omedutu!" With that, the creature began his long conversation with the doctor. Pippin had never heard such a strange toungue, but was relieved when both Merry and the Doctor sat down. The doctor handed Merry an elaborate talisman, and told him a long and complicated story, which involved many hand gestures and ricly coloured garments to be pulled out of the orange bag. Eventually, the two stood up. They stood face to face and held the talisman between them. The doctor and the creature had agreed and were about to undergo a complete transformation. The doctor said to the creature, "Samui kara mado o shimete kudasai." and the creature shrieked. Pippin had heard something like it when Merry had gotten a spliter but this scream was a thousand times worse. He covered his ears and tried not to think of what was happening to Merry. But he still felt a tear roll down from between his fingers. But then, the screaming stopped, and there int he middle of the field was the doctor, and Merry.
Pippin ran down from his tree and sped towards his cousin, but he was unconcious. The doctor said, "He shall be out for some time, he will need rest." "But what happened?" "I distilled the sugary sweetness out of his body, and i have stored it in this tiny talisman." The doctor then held up a small stone. It seemed ordinary enough, but at the touch, it glowed bright orange. The doctor said "This is what drove your cousin mad! It seems that the sugar was too much for him. But i have never seen this happen in a mere case of sugar-madness. What else did he eat?" "Well, we had some sherbet, and some wizz-fizz.."
"Wizz-fizz? I have heard that name, but i cannot recall. What is it?" "It's a type of fermented herbal tea mixture. It is made in the far reaches of Arka-loquer, and takes some months to perfect each batch." "Ahhhh, so it would be the famous Wizz Fizz, the one which produced Herbie!" "Herbie?" "Never you mind young hobbit, it would make your head boggle. All you ever need know is that this talisman now holds the power over all unsweetened lifeforms on Middle Earth. It is dangerous, so i shall keep it safe. For now, you must take your friend and nurse him back to health. AND NO MORE SHERBET!!!!"