More of a funny thing that popped into my head after tonight's episode. Super short. Cell phones.

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Killian had overcome many an obstacle in his never-ending quest to adapt to life in Storybrooke, but perhaps his current greatest achievement, in his mind anyway, was his proficiency with the talking phone. Granted he only ever had to push the Emma button to call her, but he was more proud of himself for learning how it worked, which was more than he could say for many of this world's creations.

As far as he had figured out and been told, talking phones were all about the invisible waves and signals that flew from them and through the air, connected by the different frequencies of their sounds that bounced around to strange objects high in the sky and… Uh…

Ok, so he didn't quite have a grasp on it just yet, but he was working his way there. At the very least he had learned how to create new contacts in the phone and set up specific ring tones for people. It was more than he could say for when he had first been gifted the strange brick from Emma several weeks before.

A melody of crashing waves and chattering sea gulls echoed in the air and Killian recognized it as the ring tone he had picked out for Emma's phone; The sound of his beloved sea for the woman he loved. He sometimes thought about changing it because answering the device for Emma meant no longer listening to the oceanic shoreline tune, but listening to the tune meant not hearing Emma's sweet voice.

He chose Emma every time.

"Emma?"

"Killian! Finally! I couldn't get a signal for forever and it just- Whatever, listen, we're all on our way back to Storybrooke. Me, Regina, Lily, Robin, Roland, and um… Zelana."

"The Wicked Witch is with you?" He knew that they wanted to bring Robin and Roland back to Storybrooke so they could be safe from Zelena, so why bring Regina's half-sister back with them? Something must have happened in New York and he had a feeling he would find out what it was when Emma returned.

He heard Emma sigh and wished he could be there with her to smooth out the worrying creases he knew would be forming on her forehead. "It's complicated," She supplied.

In the background he could hear arguing between two women, one which sounded like Regina, and another he didn't recognize who had to be the Lily lass from Emma's moving picture box.

"But who is she talking to?" Lily's muffled voice was oddly discernible through the phone, and Killian realized that Emma had put him on what she had called 'speaker phone'. That was another trick he had learned for his own talking phone.

"For the last time, it's her boyfriend, captain guyliner." Even from his end of the phone line he could feel the irritation rolling off Regina as she practically spat the word 'boyfriend' out. She was likely still perturbed by the recent developments involving Robin and Zelena, so he didn't blame her, he only wished she had chosen a different way of describing his connection with Emma to Lily. 'Boyfriend' was hardly as impressive in Killian's mind as Henry's declaration that he and Emma were 'together'.

He heard Lily scoff. "Guyliner? He wears make up? Who the hell was this guy in fairy tale land? A dancer?"

Emma's melodious voice cut in, annoyed, but clear. "It's not make up, it's- Oh forget it. Killian, how is everything back there? Is Henry doing ok?"

Killian smiled. "He's fine love. Still avoiding his math homework like a bloody plague but otherwise quite content. I'll let him know you and the Queen are on your way back."

Lily cut in just then, surprise coloring her voice. "He has an accent too? This boyfriend of yours is a fairy tale character that wears make up and has an accent? And you said he wasn't part of this whole town curse? Seriously, who the hell was this guy?"

Emma ignored her and returned to talking to Killian. "We'll be back late this afternoon. I'll call you when we get a bit closer."

"Looking forward to it, love. Be safe, alright lass?"

Before Emma got a chance to reply he heard Regina trying to fill in the blanks for Lily to satisfy her curiosity. "The handless wonder is a pirate, if you must know."

"Handless fairy tale pirate… You're dating Captain Hook?!"

"Can we not do this now Lily?" Emma pleaded, but Lily didn't sound keen on letting it go.

"Captain fucking Hook! What is that even like? A waxed moustache and a perm? How does someone even maintain that kind of grooming on a pirate ship?"

"Lily! Not now!"

The call ended abruptly and Killian was left listening to a low humming noise for several moments, suddenly very glad he was not in Emma's yellow land vessel lest he face a deluge of inquisition.

He shook his head in disbelief at the strangeness of the conversation and his thoughts turned to one of the points that had been brought up. "I really do need to learn what the bloody hell a 'perm' is," Killian decided.