Never Think

BPOV

I don't know how long I sat there just looking at the door. It must have been at least a couple hours because by the time I moved, my stomach was growling at me for not having lunch. But I didn't want to eat. My heart was down in my stomach, filling me up completely.

I still couldn't believe that Edward had just walked out the door. I was partially angry at him for just walking out, but mostly heartbroken. To not know what he was thinking, what he was doing. All I could do was wait. Wait for him to come home and talk to me.

I took the belt off my dress and took my earrings off and threw them down on the coffee table. I walked over to the table by the door where I dropped my purse earlier and got out my cell phone. I hadn't called him earlier because I thought it would be best to let him cool off a bit, and because I couldn't get my muscles to move off of the chair. I called him twice with no answer. I went and sat on the chair again, looking at the door for another couple hours, calling his phone every 5 minutes on the dot until my calls went straight to his answering machine.

That was when the water works really started.

I just couldn't stop crying. I had no idea where he was, what he was thinking, when or if he was going to come back tonight.

I felt a hole that I had never felt before. Nothing like this had ever happened to us before. I mean sure we got into fights but we always talked about it, we never just walked away or hung up the phone. And today Edward just left. He said two words to me and just left. From the time Jake left until the time that he did, he never even touched me. I just want him to come back.

The next time I looked at the clock it was 11:00 pm. I was out of tears by this point. I was unbelievably hungry but didn't want to eat anything. I mustered all the strength I could and walked from the family room past the kitchen into the bedroom. I looked at the bed and couldn't stand to think that maybe I would be sleeping alone tonight. That thought made me cry again and I walked over to the closet.

I slid off my dress, leaving it in a pile on the floor, and took a black pair of Edward's sweatpants and one of his t-shirts and put them on.

I walked back into the family room and lay down on the couch, drying my face with Edward's shirt. I swore that I would stay awake and wait for him even if I had to wait all night and all day. But having Edward's scent on his t-shirt, feeling like he should be so close to me, yet knowing he was nowhere near, just made me silently cry myself to sleep as my eyes grew heavy watching the door.

I woke up and something felt different. I reached my arm out and it didn't touch the space between the coffee table and the couch like I expected it to. I opened my eyes and sat up slowly. I realized I was sleeping on Edward's side of the bed, my head on his pillow with the comforter tucked in around me. I looked over at the clock on Edward's nightstand that said it was a little after 3am. I saw a light from underneath the closed bedroom door. I knew that the light was off before and I definitely don't sleep walk so it only meant one thing. Edward was home. Edward put me here. Edward came home and took me from the couch and tucked me in to bed.

I got myself together and took a deep breath. I knew I had to be prepared for whatever awaited me.

I quietly got out of bed and opened the door into the hallway. I walked down past the kitchen, seeing that he wasn't there, and walked into the family room. And there he was, sleeping on the couch where I had been, with his jacket thrown over the arm of the couch and his shoes tossed on the floor by the chair. My heart dropped.

What the hell is he doing? Why did he move me just to sleep on the damn couch?

I tiptoe over to the couch. He is lying on his side, his back touching the back of the couch, with his arms thrown off the couch awkwardly. I could tell that he hadn't been sleeping for too long or too deeply because I didn't hear his small, quiet snore when he exhaled.

I just couldn't help myself and climbed onto the couch facing him and crawled into his outstretched arms. From this angle I could see his face more clearly. There were circles under his eyes that looked rather dark and I ran my fingers lightly over them. There was a shadow over his left cheekbone but I figured it was just from the light. I tucked my face into his chest and tried my best not to wake him up.

Who knows what he's thinking. It may not be something I want to hear but I just want to sit here with him for a while.

A few minutes later, I think I may have snuggled a little too close because I felt him stir next to me and I looked up to see him looking down at me. His eyes look puffier now that he has his eyes open and he looks so broken that I start to cry again. I lightly bring my hands up to his face and his eyes close softly. I wait for them to open again. When they do, they look sadder than before.

"Edward what are you doing" I say quietly, with a few tears silently dropping down my face. "Why are you on the couch?" I ask, trying to be more specific in case he didn't understand my meaning.

Edward just looks at me and doesn't say a word.

I can't stand it to not know what he is thinking. I can't help but think that he is going to leave me. He is going to tell me that he has decided that I should be with Jake and that he doesn't want me anymore. At this point I will beg if I have to. I can't lose him that much I know. I wouldn't survive. This night proved that to me.

"Don't leave me." I whimper into his chest. I can feel Edward slowly turn his head down into my hair.

"What?" He asks so softly that I barely hear him. I can feel the vibrations from his voice in my hair.

"Don't leave me. Please don't leave me I'll do anything. I'll tell my parents about us right now and if they don't like it they can shove it. I'll cut off Jake completely. Anything I'll do anything just please don't leave me."

I'm crying uncontrollably now and sobbing into his shirt and gripping his body with my fingertips, hoping that if he decides to get up and walk out that I could forcibly make him stay. Edward brings his hands up and grips my head, bringing it up to face him. His eyebrows are narrowed angrily, yet he still looks like he could cry.

"How could ask me that? How could you ever ask me that?" Edward says in a rough whisper.

"I thought that was why you left…" I said softy, looking back up at him.

"Bella. Listen to me and hear me good. I never thought of leaving you not for one second. I never have and I never will. I will always, do you hear me, always be here. If you want me of course." He says the last part in almost a whisper and slides one hand from my face back into my hair.

"Edward of course I want you. How can you say that?" I say, as Edward wipes the tears from under my eyes with his thumbs. Edward brings his face closer to mine so there is less than an inch between us.

"Your eyes are so swollen. How long have you been crying?" Edward whispers against my lips, lightly running his thumbs over my eyes.

I can't take it anymore and pull myself closer to Edward so that our lips finally connect. At this point I don't care if he pulls away I just need a connection with him. But he doesn't pull away. He slides his hands down to my waist and pulls me closer. I sigh against his lips and he moves one hand from my waist to pull us into a sitting position. I move my legs to either side of him.

The kiss starts out slow. His hands move up my sides and through my hair as he plants small kisses over my entire face and neck, whispering my name or a small 'I love you' after every kiss. It was like he was trying to memorize my entire body just by touch. I ran my fingers through his hair soothingly.

We both felt the same need for connection that we never really did before. When we were away from each other during the school year, there was a need when we reunited again, but that was more of an animalistic need I guess you could say. Our relationship had never been jeopardized like this before. Probably because no one knew about our relationship. This need was more emotional. It was as though we both had to prove that we were meant to be together. That one of us being with any other person on the planet besides each other would just be wrong.

I lightly whisper Edward's name into his hair and hold on tightly around his neck when he stands up and starts walking out of the family room and into the hallway.

I lean down and press soft kisses into Edward's neck and one of his hands slides underneath the shirt that I'm wearing and I pull myself up from his neck to let him take the shirt off of me and drop it on the floor in the hallway. I lean my head down into the crook of his neck again as one of his hands finds its way down to my butt and the other is still wrapped around my waist. My hands tangle in his hair and I feel Edward stop walking as we reach the bed.

I lift my head up and our lips connect again. Edward slowly lowers me down onto the bed, our lips never disconnecting. As we crawl backwards to the middle of the bed, I grab the hem of Edward's shirt and he lets me pull it over his head.

I could tell that Edward was going to take this slow tonight. He said that if we were going to do this, that we had to do it right. And right now we both needed it. We needed to show the other person how much we loved them, in a way that words could not explain.

When we get to the middle of the bed Edward pulls back and looks at me. I can still see the sadness in his eyes and I place my hands on his face. Edward lowers his head to kiss me again and I wrap my arms around his neck. He slowly moves his lips down from mine to my neck and across my collarbone. His hands slowly caress up and down my sides before reaching behind me and unclasping my red bra. He slides the straps down my shoulders and throws the bra to the side of the room. Without moving off of me, Edward closes his eyes and slowly kisses down my chest and through the valley between my breasts before nuzzling my right breast with his nose. I keep my arms around his neck but move my hands into his hair. I let my head fall back against the pillows when Edward moves his hands from my sides to my breasts, giving them the attention I had been aching for. Edward replaces one of his hands with his mouth and I moan and pull his head closer to me. After a few minutes Edward switches his hand and his mouth, making me moan again. Slowly Edward kisses down my stomach to my belly button where he stops and slides his hands down to the band on his sweatpants that I'm wearing. He looks up at me for the first time in a while and I lift my hips, telling him to take them off.

He slides the sweatpants slowly down my legs and tosses them to the side. He adjusts himself so that he is kneeling directly between my legs before slowly kissing up each leg and leaving a small but deep kiss on my inner thighs, skipping right over where I need him most. I can't take it anymore and slide myself forward, latching my legs around his hips and pulling myself up into a sitting position in his lap. He seemed startled by my sudden movement, but places his hands on my face. I wrap my arms around his neck.

"You're wearing too many clothes." I say quietly. He nods against my forehead and kisses me deeply, leaning forward and placing me back on the bed. He places his hands on the bed on both sides of my head, our lips still connected. I reach down and find the button on his pants, quickly undoing it and sliding down the zipper. I push as much of them down his legs as I can, reaching my feet up to bring the rest down his legs with my toes. He lifts a leg and pushes them off of the end of the bed, leaving him in only his boxers.

I slide my hands up his chest, being sure to hit every indent from his muscles on the way up, making him shiver underneath my fingertips. I stop my hands when they get to his forearms, grasping them and pulling him down to kiss me. He moves from putting all of his weight on his hands, to his elbows, which put some of his weight on my body as well. I could feel his hardness against me and I moaned, bucking my hips against his. Edward moaned at this, deepening our kiss, and grasped my hips with his hands. He slid down my body and planted small kisses along the top of my red lace panties that had matched my bra. Slowly, he hooked his fingers in the sides of my panties and slid them down my legs, throwing them to the side. He was kneeling now and I hooked my toes in the sides of his boxers so that when he crawled up my body, they came off. Edward kicked them from the bed as well.

For a moment we just lay there looking at each other. We both wanted this. And we both knew that this would not be fucking. We both felt broken and hurt by the events of the day and needed each other on a level that I don't think we ever had before. We needed to be connected in every and any way that we could.

Edward moved so that he was between my legs, sitting at my entrance, before he kissed me again. I kneaded my hands into his hair.

"Edward please" I said against his lips.

At this, Edward slowly entered me. I don't know if he was bigger than I thought he was, or I was just extremely tight, but it was a little uncomfortable at first. But it went away once Edward started moving. Slow and deep. He reached down and grabbed one of my legs, hitching it over his hip. Edward bent his head down and kissed me again, my hands clawing at his shoulders, his back, anything I could grab onto. Edward grabbed my other leg and hitched it over his hip as well, and that pulled him inside me as deep as he could go. It took too much energy to really kiss now. Our mouths were just open against each others, breathing deeply.

We both quickly came, screaming each other's names, Edward collapsing on top of me. It felt good to have all his weight on me, even though he was rather heavy. It was a feeling I had never really had before. I mean I had sex once before, but it was a huge mistake looking back on it, and it wasn't with someone I loved. This was completely different and felt better than anything else in my life ever had.

After a few minutes, Edward pulled out of me and rolled onto his back, with me on top of him. I set my elbows over his shoulders and ran my hands through his hair. Edward rested his hands on my forearms.

"Bella I love you. I don't think I've ever said it like this so I am now. Bella I love you so fucking much I can't even put it into words." Edward says, looking me in eyes.

"I love you so fucking much too." I say, smiling lightly at him.

Edward moves his arms to wrap around me and I rest my head on his chest. Edward leans forward and kisses my head. I can feel him smiling against my hair, but I don't say anything. I just smile against his chest. In a few minutes we were both asleep.

I've started adding the artists of the songs for every chapter that I have been using as title's and some inspiration :) Check back at other chapters cause im trying to add them as well. Don't forget to check my profile for pictures for chapters

Never Think: Robert Pattinson

PS. Where Edward went and what was going through his head will all be explained next chapter. Never fear. Thanks for the heads up Sunnie79 3