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10 - Empty Promises:
Hermione's head was spinning. Her pulse was rapid. She felt a prickly feeling on the back of her neck. She looked down, and her palms were actually sweating. Somewhere along the line, she had made a grave error, one that might turn into a fatal error, and the biggest mistake of her life. She told the world she killed Severus Snape, a man she didn't kill, and the reasons were not even important anymore. The only thing that was important was that she was going to pay for this mistake, this error in judgment, for the rest of her life. She might even pay for it with her life.
The fact that she had already been convicted for the crime, and had served a sentence, meant nothing to a bunch of rogue Death Eaters. To them, justice was not served, and would not be served, until she was dead - dead and buried in the ground next to her parents. She was scared the Death Eaters would get their way. In addition, she wasn't scared because she was afraid of dying, but because she was no longer afraid of living. Whether it was her parents' letter that helped her see the light, or if it was because she finally felt ready to admit her love for Draco, she didn't know. She knew that her love for him felt as if it would burst out of her chest. She knew she wanted to live, and she wanted to live for him.
She sat on his bed and felt a heavy weight on her chest. Her breathing was constricted. Inside, her head was reeling. Outside, for Draco's sake, she tried to collect her feelings. She tried to hide them deep inside. She didn't want him to see her true feelings. What she didn't know was that she could never hide anything from him. He could tell just from the look on her face the torment she was going through. He held her hand, and she 'faked' a smile. She told him everything would be fine, they would figure something out when Harry and Remus returned.
She excused herself, claiming she needed a shower. She told him what she thought he wanted to hear, and they were all lies. How she managed to smile and walk out of the room, she would never know, for once she reached the bathroom, and after turning on the shower full blast, she collapsed on the edge of the tub in tears. Tears that revealed her awful truth. That she finally wanted to share his love, and she may never get that chance.
Draco knew Hermione's smile and words of encouragement were not evident of the truths that she felt. He sat on his bed for only a moment, and then walked to the bathroom. Although he heard the water running, he also heard her crying.
She stood from her perch on the side of the tub and went to lock the door. Before she reached the door, she looked at her reflection in the foggy mirror and realized that it would never be over. It would never be over for any of them. She would always be running from an enemy unknown. Harry would always be searching for Death Eaters, and Draco would always be stuck somewhere in between.
Draco stood outside the bathroom door. It took every ounce of fortitude and willpower even to stand, but for her, he would walk a mile. He put the palm of both hands on the cold wood of the door and let his forehead fall silently between his hands. He then turned his face so his cheek was touching the smooth grain of the wood, with his ear pressed up against the surface. He could still hear the sound of the shower, but underneath the 'whoosh' of the water, he could also still hear her crying. He wanted to cry as well.
She was scared and she didn't want him to know. She thought this was all her fault.
He was scared as well, and he also placed blame, but his blame was placed solely at the feet of Draco Malfoy, and no one else. For she was convicted of his sin, the sin of killing Snape, and now she would never be free.
She went to the bathroom door to the make sure it was locked. She didn't want him to enter.
He put his hand on the doorknob, to see if she had locked the door. He was able to open the door just a crack.
She saw the door open before she reached the knob.
"Hermione?" he asked.
"Come in," she said.
He opened the door and she stood there and stared at him. He reached into the tub and turned off the water. She turned to him and wiped her eyes. She tried to smile, but a smile would no longer come. She could no longer pretend. She wanted to spare him, but the truth was that she finally trusted him enough to show him her true feelings, and her true feelings were that she was terrified and afraid to die.
Before she could reach for him, he reached for her. He pulled her into his arms and she fell against him. She put her face against his chest and said, "I'm so scared."
His shirt was soaked in seconds. He didn't know what to say to her, because he honestly couldn't tell her that everything would be all right. He didn't think that they would. He wouldn't tell her that he would protect her, because he might not be able to do so. He wouldn't even tell her that it would all be over soon, because frankly, he wasn't sure it would ever be over. Therefore, he just held her and let her cry. He would be strong for her, but that was all he could offer, besides his love.
Draco knew in the deep recesses of his soul that he would stop at nothing to keep her safe. He just didn't know what that would entail. He loved her more than he loved life itself. Why didn't he just tell the Death Eaters that he killed Snape, when they found him at her parents' house? He would have, he should have, but he wanted to see her again. If only one last time. If he had told them, they would have killed him and she would never be afraid again. He was a coward.
He made up his mind right then and there what he would do and he decided he wouldn't tell her until the very end.
Her tears finally ceased. He put a hand on each side of her face, and with his thumbs, he wiped the tears away. "Hermione, I'm not going to make any empty promises to you. I don't know what we're going to do at this point. All I know is that I love you so much. I refuse to find love and then have it taken away from me. I won't give up, and I won't let you give up, either." He kissed her slowly, with a hunger that burned his soul. A hunger that was palpable. He pulled away from her and said, "Get your shower, Granger, and then meet me downstairs."
When she finished her shower, she joined him in the kitchen. He was sitting by himself at the table and she thought he never looked more alone. "I had Dobby make us some breakfast," he stated, holding up his coffee cup. He put his cup down and held his head in his hand.
Hermione sat next to him on the bench, picked up a piece of toast, but managed only one bite, before she put in down and hung her head. He looked over at her. She looked up and met his gaze. He wasn't eating anything either. He turned his eyes back toward the vast nothingness of the air that hung low like a vapid wasteland in front of them both. She joined his vigil. She stared at the same nothingness. She put her right hand on the bench, and it touched his thigh. He acted as if he didn't notice, but he did. That small touch meant more to him than she would ever know. It woke him up from his dreadful mourning. He put his hand down on top of hers.
What he would never know, was that his gesture, small though it was, of putting his hand on top of hers, gave her the resolved that she had needed for so very long. She turned to look at him at the exact moment he turned to look at her. Their mutual stares spoke volumes. As she looked intently into his eyes, she said, "I'm not hungry, are you?" He shook his head no. He removed his hand from her hand and touched her cheek. She put her abandoned hand on his thigh.
"What's happening here, Malfoy?" she asked, breathlessly. "Do you feel it? Something's in the air. It's so intense that it's actually pulling on my soul. It's soaking up all the air. What is that? Don't you feel it?"
"I feel it," he told her, "and I can't quite put my finger on what it is, but I can't ignore it either. It's like an electrical current in the air, and it's surrounding me and smothering me and pulling me under, all at the same time."
"But what is it?" she implored.
He smiled a real smile for the first time that morning and said, "You're a smart girl, Granger, if you had to articulate what you thought this feeling might be, what you would hazard to guess?"
Hermione smiled, this time it wasn't a false smile, and she said, "I would say the shift in the air, the charge of electricity, and the filling of that deep void that surrounds us, in coming from you, and is aimed toward me."
"What would that be, Granger?" he asked with raised brows.
"What would you say it was?" she asked in return.
"I asked you first," he told her.
"I would say that we're finally being truthful, without even speaking any words. I would say that I have finally figured out that you love me, and even more surprising, that I love you as well. Furthermore, I would say that I have finally come to the conclusion that we're both worthy of each others love, although I have been known to be wrong before." Hermione turned her head from him, just in case she was wrong.
Draco put his hand under her chin and said, "Guess what? This time, you're not wrong."
"I'm glad," she said.
"Me too," he returned. Then he said, "It took you long enough, for Merlin's sakes. I thought you would never figure it out, and it was right there smacking you in the face the whole time." He stood up and offered her his hand. They walked upstairs.
The truth. She finally admitted the truth. She was worthy of love. She was worthy of his love. His resolve, all this time, gave her strength and courage to come to the realization on her own. She just needed the time to figure it out on her own, too. She no longer needed to hold back. She could love again, and not fear being hurt or left alone. She no longer had to face her internal struggles by herself, and the fact was she had never faced them alone, because he had been there all along.
They walked up the two flights of stairs. When they reached the second floor landing he said, "Granger, I want to make love to you, but you have to tell me something very important first."
She was prepared for this. He earned the right to ask. She loved him, and she was ready to say it and mean it. "Go on, ask your question." She put her head on his chest and he hugged her tightly. She then looked at him, waiting.
He finally asked, "Your room or mine?"