A/N Kinda making this up as I go along. Hope I'm doing it justice. xo.
Pam sat there helplessly. She couldn't stop sobbing. But she eventually brought her wrist to her mouth, puncturing the skin with her fangs and moving to Tara's mouth.
Tara was unresponsive, and Pam's blood was beginning to drip down her chin and into Tara's lap.
"Tara, please drink," Pam cried.
Tara didn't move. Pam kept weeping, but she pulled Tara up a little so she was slumped higher against her.
"Tara," Pam blubbered. She pressed her bleeding wrist harder against Tara's lips.
"God dammit Tara, drink," Pam bawled. In a final act of desperation, she reached her other hand around and pulled Tara's mouth open and tilted her head back slightly. Drops of blood fell into Tara's mouth, but at a very slow pace. Pam's wrist kept healing, but she would bite the area over and over again. Every time she healed she tore into her skin more viciously and unapologetically.
After a while of this, Pam closed Tara's mouth and saw that she eventually swallowed. Pam exhaled out of relief and she began to calm down. Her body only convulsed periodically now as she held in her cries, whimpering softly. She reached down and slid Tara's underwear up. Her cheek rested against the top of Tara's head and she turned her face to the side, unable to look. She then pulled Tara's pants up but her hands were trembling too much to button them. She could have stayed there crying all night, but she willed herself to stand. She lifted Tara to standing and then reached under her knees with one arm and under her back with the other. She picked her up, not even bothering to do something with the dead body on the ground as she carried Tara and vamp sped to Fangtasia.
XXX
When they arrived, Pam had to set Tara down as she unlocked the door with one hand. She picked Tara up again and pushed the door open. As she walked inside, the door automatically closed behind them.
Pam made her way through the empty club. She opened the door to the bathroom and gently sat Tara down over the covered toilet seat. She moved to the shower and turned on the water. She then walked back to Tara and knelt in front of her. She rested her hands lightly on her thighs and looked at her.
Tara was staring vacantly at the floor. Pam gently brought her hand to Tara's cheek. Tara flinched a little, but her expression remained blank. Pam had never felt so much agony before in her life. But she tried to stay strong, because she knew she had to. She moved her hands to the hem of Tara's shirt, and she slowly drew it up her body. She had to hold Tara's arms in the air as she pulled her shirt off. She reached around and unclasped Tara's bra, dragging the straps down her arms.
Pam wrapped an arm around Tara's lower back. She then slowly lifted Tara to her feet.
"Tara, baby, I need you to stand. Can you do that?" Pam asked tenderly.
Tara didn't say anything, but when Pam let go of her she remained standing. Pam gently pulled Tara's pants and underwear down to the ground. When Pam stood back up again, she saw that tears were slowly falling down Tara's cheeks. She stood there completely exposed, and Pam couldn't help but start crying again too. She set Tara down again, wiping her eyes with the back of her wrist.
"I'll be right back," she sniffed, and walked out the room.
A few moments later she returned, holding a chair. She moved to the shower and set the chair down right under the stream of water. Pam adjusted the temperature, not sure what degree was comfortable for humans but she took her best guess. She slipped off her shoes and then walked back to Tara. She bent down and scooped her up to standing, then gradually guided her over to the shower. They stepped inside, and Pam sat Tara down in the chair and knelt in front of her. The water hit Tara's chest and it startled her.
"Is it too hot?" Pam asked with concern. "Too cold?"
Tara was silent. Pam didn't know what to do. She looked at Tara for a while, whose expression was still empty as she stared ahead at the wall. Pam looked down and shut her eyes for a moment, taking in a few unneeded breaths. She then grabbed a washcloth from the edge of the shower and held it under the water for a moment. She grabbed a bottle from ledge and squeezed some soap onto the washcloth. She brought it to Tara's chest, wiping down her neck and her arms. She ran the cloth down Tara's stomach and the tops of her thighs. She washed her calves and feet and then stood up.
"I need you to stand again," Pam said softly, lifting Tara up again. This time, Tara's legs buckled and Pam reached an arm around her waist to hold her still. Pam was beginning to become soaked as she stood there in her clothes but she didn't care. She pushed the chair closer to the shower's wall with the bottom of her foot and guided Tara closer to the streaming water so it was now falling onto her face. Tara shut her eyes and Pam wiped Tara's face with her hands, washing away her dried tears.
She suddenly had déjà vu, remembering the last time they were in the shower and how completely different it had been. Her heart broke when she picked up the wash cloth and moved to wash in between Tara's legs. What used to be an area of pleasure and trust was now dirty, a place of shame and pain and suffering. Pam tried to be as gentle as possible, but she still had to apply some pressure to clean her. Tara's eyes squeezed shut as Pam washed her. Pam's hand rubbed up and down against her and then moved to the insides of her thighs. The blood on Tara's skin eventually melted away, joining the streams of water that ran down her legs and escaped into the drain. Tara had physically healed down there but even Pam's tender touch was too much. She couldn't take it anymore and slid down Pam's front and onto the seat. She held there for a few moments completely still. But then her face crumpled and she began to cry. Pam knelt down in front of her, grabbing her hands as she watched her, her heart completely shattered. She eventually pulled Tara off the chair and down to the floor. She guided her into her lap and cradled her like a child.
Tara buried her face into the side of Pam's neck and Pam held her tightly as she sobbed into her. Her body was shook intensely and Pam brought her hand to the back of Tara's head, stroking her hair and slowly rocking her back and forth.
They stayed like this for a while. The water from the shower eventually became cold. When Tara finally calmed down, Pam lifted her up again and guided her out of the shower. She pulled a long, soft robe around her and carried her down to the basement. She cursed herself for not having a bed, but she also didn't want to take Tara back to her place and leave her alone. So she laid Tara down into her pink coffin, leaving the lid open. She knew it left no room to move around, and a coffin was not something one would want to wake up in, but Pam had no other option. She went upstairs briefly to change her clothes and clean her face of the dried blood tears that crusted her skin. She then headed to the bar to get a glass of water for Tara and a Tru Blood for herself, but when she walked out she gasped.
There standing before her was her maker. Eric had his hands in his pockets and he took in Pam's completely stunned expression as he stood there in silence.
"Er-Eric," she choked out.
Eric remained quiet but moved towards her.
"You're here," Pam stated dumbly, "Wh-where were you? What were you do-"
But Eric silenced her, bringing his finger over her lips. She was relieved to see they were already back to normal, that their previous falling out was no longer relevant.
"Don't worry about that," he said calmly. "I came to see you. What's happened? I've never felt such pain from you before."
Pam swallowed. "I…"
She didn't know where to begin. But she eventually spoke.
"Tara… you know, um… Sookie's friend?"
Eric nodded. He knew who she was.
"Did she hurt you?" he asked.
"No!" Pam answered quickly. "No," she said softer. "She…"
Eric genuinely didn't know. One of the last times he saw Tara, the girl was about to stake him.
"I'm with her," Pam finally got out. "I have been… since you've been gone."
Eric might have been surprised, but his face didn't show it at all.
"And then tonight," Pam croaked out. "She… I-I was out looking for you, and then she was alone and…"
Pam didn't want to talk anymore. She felt like she had cried out every ounce of blood in her body, but apparently there were still more tears to be shed. She began to weep and tried to continue.
"And there were these men, and they…"
Pam couldn't go on. But Eric understood. He moved to embrace her, and Pam clung to him helplessly. She had longed for the night her maker would return to her, and as comforting as it was being held by him, it didn't relieve her torment.
"You need to rest," Eric said steadily.
"I'm not tired," Pam whimpered.
"Pamela," Eric warned. "She's safe here," he continued. "It's almost dawn. You need to sleep."
Pam held him tighter, silently obeying. Eric bent down and kissed the top of her head. She felt him pull away but she suddenly had a barrage of questions.
"Where were you?" she asked. "Why didn't you call? Why did you just leave without-"
"Not now," Eric answered evenly. "That's not important right now. Go to sleep."
Pam reluctantly nodded. Eric kissed her again and watched her walk away. Pam poured a glass of water and grabbed a bottle of Tru Blood before she descended the stairs. She never drank it though. She dragged a spare coffin next to where Tara slept, and she crawled inside. She stared at her, forcing herself to remain awake. After a while, she felt blood begin to trickle down her ears and nose. Finally, she grew so exhausted that her eyes slipped shut and she fell asleep.
XXX
The next few weeks were very difficult. Pam had called Merlotte's, not giving Sam much of an explanation but just said Tara couldn't work there anymore. Sam was concerned and asked why, but all Pam said was that something happened and repeated that she was not going to work there anymore. Thankfully, Eric had taken care of the dead body and cleaned up the area the night he returned.
Tara hadn't left Fangtasia once. Pam had bought a small mattress and made a makeshift bed for her in the basement. Lafayette and Sookie had no idea where she was; Tara wouldn't pick up her phone. And Pam couldn't bear to tell anyone what happened because she blamed herself. How could she have been so stupid to have shown such obvious affection for Tara out in the open like that? Especially considering where they lived. Pam never worried about herself; she could sense danger a mile away, she was stronger and faster than any human. But Tara… as much of a fighter as she was, Pam looked back on it all and was disgusted at herself for leaving her alone like that. She was not thinking.
In her human life, a number of her girls had gone through what Tara had. Most of the customers she encountered were vile, base people with little respect or regard for women. Pam herself had been through several similar experiences. But nothing compared to this. Nothing had ever devastated her like this before.
Now that Eric was back, he was in charge of Fangtasia again, which allowed Pam to spend most of her time with Tara. Nothing much happened though. In the beginning, Tara was completely silent. She didn't want to be touched by anyone. She eventually began to speak in small phrases, thanking Pam for the food she brought her, or saying things like "good night" or "okay" softly under her breath.
She would sit in the basement and read. That's all she would do. Pam would bring her books, each time wishing Tara would speak a little more, so that they could actually have a conversation.
But she gave Tara her space. Sometimes she would just sit there in silence, watching her. Eventually, Tara let Pam touch her. They would sit upstairs on the couch together, Tara's back against Pam's chest. On really good days, Tara let Pam kiss her softly. After a couple weeks, Tara felt comfortable enough to let Pam's hands move lower than her shoulders.
One night, they tried to make love. Pam moved at a snail's pace, not wanting to do anything wrong, not wanting to touch her in the wrong way. They laid there kissing for a while, and Pam barely moved her hands past Tara's torso. They got undressed very gradually, and everything was fine until it was time for Tara's pants to come off. Tara seized up, almost beginning to hyperventilate as soon as she felt a hand on her pelvis. Pam immediately stopped. Tara covered her face with her hands, and Pam watched her feebly.
They tried again periodically. Pam was more reluctant than Tara; it killed her to think her touch might cause her any pain. But Tara wanted to keep trying. She missed Pam desperately, but as much as she wanted to, a certain touch or moment would bring her back, and she would recoil. Pam realized she could never surprise or sneak up on her again. She wondered if they would ever be able to make love again. If Tara would ever laugh again. If they could ever be like they were before. She tried to have faith, but it was so damn hard.
Eric saw Pam's misery. He didn't like it, but he also didn't bring it up. Pam was in no state to be rational. He let her spend half her nights down in the basement, hopelessly pining away, praying that the old Tara would come back. He would hear her cry herself to sleep in her coffin night after night. One evening though, he grew tired of it.
XXX
Pam was out, having been sent on an errand. Fangtasia had just opened and was not very crowded at the moment. Eric took this opportunity to walk into the office where Tara was sitting on the couch reading.
Tara looked up at him. Things had been better between the two of them. Yes, he had tried to kill her once, but over the past few weeks he had acted like a father to her. He was taking care of her apartment's rent, even though she hadn't been there in months. He brought her tea occasionally, and would engage in brief conversations about the novels she was reading. Tara was polite in the beginning, merely replying so as not to be rude. But she eventually began to enjoy their discussions, and found herself growing to trust the vampire quite a lot.
Eric sat down next to her.
"How are you?" he asked softly.
Tara nodded, although not very convincingly. Eric tapped into his bond with Pam for a moment, ensuring that she was still away. He then brought his hand to Tara's chin, turning her head towards him and making eye contact with her.
"Tara," he said steadily. Tara felt herself unable to look away. Eric held there for a moment, and then began to speak.
"You will remember nothing of that night," Eric said calmly. "Those men never attacked you. You were never harmed. You decided to stay here with us as a way to spend more time with Pam, that is all. Do you understand?"
Tara nodded. Eric rubbed his thumb over her cheek.
"Good," he said, and with that, he stood up, breaking their eye contact.
Tara sat there for a moment, reacquainting herself with her environment. She looked up at Eric, who smiled at her.
"How are you?" Eric asked again.
Tara checked in with herself.
"Good," she said, and she smiled back at him.
XXX
Pam was back at Fangtasia. The club was a little busier now, and Eric sat quietly in his throne. When he saw Pam arrive, he summoned her, and she walked over and stood in front of him.
"What is it?" Pam asked.
"It's Tara..." Eric began, and was about to ask her to go downstairs with him so they could speak in private.
But Pam was already scurrying away, expecting the worst.
"Pamela!" Eric called out. But she ignored him.
Pam walked into the office and saw Tara reading on the couch. She looked fine, and Pam felt a flood of relief rush through her.
Tara looked up and saw her. She smiled.
"Hey," Tara said, grinning wider.
Pam was confused.
"Hi," she replied softly.
Pam held there for a while, immobile.
"Why are you standing over there like that?" Tara finally asked. "Come here."
Pam cautiously walked towards Tara. Her brow was furrowed slightly but she tried not to show her puzzlement.
Tara reached her arm up and grabbed Pam around the waist. She brought her closer and leaned forward to kiss her. She pulled on Pam harder until the vampire was kneeling in between Tara's legs on the couch. Tara's hands moved to the back of her neck, then roamed down her front.
Pam kissed her back with reservation. She was now completely bewildered. Was this just a really, really, really good day for Tara?
But then Tara grabbed Pam's hands and dragged them all the way down her body. Tara sighed and slipped her tongue inside Pam's mouth.
Pam jerked back. Tara was startled, and looked at Pam who seemed entirely disconcerted. Before Tara could say a word, Pam was out the door.
She was about to march over to Eric's throne, but saw he wasn't sitting in it anymore. She looked around the room, frantically searching from him.
"Pam," Eric called.
Pam turned around. Eric was standing by the staircase to the basement. She walked towards him and followed him down the stairs.
As soon as they stopped, Pam exploded.
"What did you do to her?" she demanded.
"I glamored her," Eric answered plainly.
"Why would you do that?!" Pam exclaimed.
"Do I really need to answer that?" Eric replied.
"Don't you think I haven't thought about that?" Pam retorted. "Don't you think I've wanted to do that every single night since it happened?"
It was true. Pam had even asked Tara if she could, but she refused. Tara didn't even know why. She wanted the memories out of her more than anything. But perhaps it was the thought that it was cheating, that it wasn't natural to suddenly have something erased from you permanently. Because she knew no one else who had gone through this had that privilege. Perhaps that was why, because Tara just couldn't bring herself to ask Pam to do it.
And now that it was done, Pam couldn't handle it.
"And how am I supposed to feel now?" Pam cried. "I can't be glamored. I can't forget!" she blared, tears forming in her eyes and threatening to spill out.
"Were you really going to let her live her life like she was?" Eric stated calmly. "She was forever changed, you know that."
Pam knew he was right. But she was also so upset at the fact that he didn't even warn or prepare her.
"How am I supposed to be now?" Pam insisted. "I can't pretend like it didn't happen!"
"It will get easier with time," Eric responded. "It'll soon be as if it none of it ever happened. Go back to her. Go look. She's smiling for the first time in months."
Pam let this register for a moment. She didn't believe him entirely, that she could eventually forget about what happened, that they could return to how they were. But she remembered the image of Tara beaming at her, and the feeling of her longing touch again after so long. Maybe he was right.
Pam swallowed and Eric moved closer and kissed her on the cheek.
"Go on," he urged.
Pam watched him walk away. She stood there for a while, and then climbed the stairs and walked to the office. She ran the pads of her fingers under her eyes to make sure there was no blood on her face.
Pam pushed the door open. Tara was still sitting there.
"Where did you go?" Tara asked with confusion.
"Nowhere," Pam replied calmly. "I'm here."
She walked over to Tara, kneeling into the cushions like before. She felt Tara's hands slide up the inside of her shirt. Her hands were so warm, and Pam hadn't been touched like this in months. Tara lifted her shirt up slightly and moved closer to place soft kisses on her pale stomach. Pam tried not to cry as she gave in to Tara's touch. She was still in such disbelief. Tara reached up and pulled her down, moving her so that her back was on the couch and Tara was now hovering over her.
"How are you?" Tara asked as she paused for a moment.
Pam stayed quiet for a moment, but then she spoke.
"I'm good," she whispered shakily.
Tara smiled and leaned down, beginning to kiss her neck. Pam then felt a blood tear slide down her cheek. Whether it was from shock or from joy, she did not know.