a/n: Hello everyone.

I know i said it was going to take me a little while to update but i had this sudden inspiration.

I want you to know that i wrote this chapter as more of a test than anything else. The thing is, it keeps changing POVs the entire time so i really want to know if it works for you or not. That way i'll know if it's okay to keep doing it.

I also want to know if what happens pleases you or if you think there's something missing.

Anyway, thank you for putting up with me.

I hope you enjoy it.

(i do not own anything that is not supposed to be mine)

Edward

I couldn't stay in the house anymore. I just couldn't bear to be so close to Bella and being afraid of seeing her, of going to visit her while she slept. She was curious about me so it meant she was more alert. At any chance she got she would probably jump on me and demand answers… Answers I wasn't able to give her… not then and probably not ever. I was almost positive she had seen me on the couch, which meant she had seen me not breathing. She must have found it weird, just another question to add to her list. So, instead of going hunting, which I was in great need of, I took everything I wanted with me, left the house and headed to my father's lab, deciding I was going to stay there from then on.

For the following days instead of living I simply existed. I woke up, went to my parents' grave just for the sake of keeping my promise, numbly headed to some place to feed and returned home. I began losing my appetite, so by the fourth night I wasn't hungry at all and didn't feel like going anywhere to run or jump or bother to kill some punk, so instead of hunting I thought screw it! and climbed my tree, opened the upper floor window, went inside the house and creepily listened to Bella's heartbeat. It soothed me. I didn't dare to get closer though. I stood there until almost dawn. I did the same for the next days. On the eighth night I struggled to climb my tree. It was as if my body was getting heavier. Bella was having a dream and she was speaking so I approached her bedroom door and listened. "Where?... Why?... Who?...Silence… Too quiet… Alone… Scared… Night… Attic… Please don't go." I wasn't an idiot so I quickly figured she was dreaming about me. And she was scared of being alone at night because I was no longer living in the attic. My angel, I had abandoned her. How could I have been so selfish? Really Edward, you think of no one but yourself. Mad at myself I ran away, decided to go to the lab to mentally punish myself comfortably and safely. But when I got close to it I looked at the grave "AAARRGH! NOT AGAIN! STUPID WEEDS! WHY DO YOU KEEP GROWING? THIS IS MY PARENTS' GRAVE! YOU DON'T GET TO TAKE IT!" I began kicking the stone, gripping at the vegetation, ripping it, a wave of anger and desperation crashing inside me. I fell on my knees and started speaking and sobbing at the same time, my face hidden in my hands, incapable of controlling myself "I don't know what to do! Please mother, help me! What can I do to make everything work?… She can't know anything about me. But she wants to know me and I want her to know me and I want to know her… so badly! I'm not even making any sense! When she finds out, IF she finds out, she'll run. I'll disgust her! How couldn't I? I'm a murderer! I feed on human blood! Who can love such a creature? Father loved you because you had a great heart, you were kind and sweet and loving… but I'm not! I've never even stood close to a woman without killing her! How could I ever be with Bella? I could kill her just by trying to touch her! It's so hard to be near her without going for her neck! And I know you don't know what I'm talking about, how could you? You were always a good person; you only took the lives of animals. And when she finds out I killed innocent people… Oh god, I'm such a monster… But I love Bella so much. I want to be there for her so much. Did you know she misses me? Yes! I know! Isn't it great? Do you think that deep down she believes I'm good?"

"Yes."

Huh?

...

Bella

Around 5:30am I decided to get up. I was tired of trying to get back to sleep after an hour of looking at the ceiling. There was just no use; he wasn't going to magically pop up there. He wasn't going to answer me and he wasn't going to eat any more of my meals or use my bathroom for a shower. I wanted to look into his orange eyes again, and I wanted to see is gorgeous face, and look at his perfect feet. And I wanted to hear him walk around above me and I wanted to find him again sleeping on my couch. It was a really weird encounter. He wasn't even breathing. He probably has health issues. I looked outside the window, it was dark but not pitch black because the moon was shining brightly, and it was close to dawn after all. It seemed the wind had calmed down and it wasn't raining. I suddenly felt an urge to go outside and breathe some fresh air. So I put on my boots and a warm sweater and went outside.

I could hear crickets and owls. It looks like I'm in The Snow White. I began walking towards the trees. I can walk just a little into the woods and head back. No big deal. So I embraced myself and began walking. I had a smile on my face as I heard the earth beneath me crunching as I stepped in it. When I got closer to the trees I heard a different sound. There was someone not far from me and he or she was crying and talking. My heart began to beat faster.

Who, in their right mind, is in the middle of the woods at 5:30 in the morning?

Hmm… Hello? You.

Oh right.

Whoever it was was sad. Should I go there? Maybe he or she needs help? What if he or she is trapped? I could do a rescue and be a hero! So I began walking towards the voice. As I approached it I could tell it belonged to a man and he was sobbing pretty hard. Poor guy, what happened to him? And then my brain clicked. Oh shit! What if it's him? What do I do if it's him? It was that first night I saw him all over again. But I wasn't going to turn around. So I continued walking like a quiet little mouse and when I got closer I heard what he was saying and my breath caught in my throat.

"I'm such a monster… But I love Bella so much. I want to be there for her so much. Did you know she misses me? Yes! I know! Isn't it great?" He chuckled. He had such an incredible voice, deep and raspy and so… manly! But also so soft and sad. My heart got tinny. Who is he talking to though?

"Do you think that deep down she believes I'm good?" He whispered.

And before I even had time to register what I was thinking I said it out loud: "Yes."

Holly shit! My hands flew to my mouth. Ooh crap! Now he definitely knows I'm here and that I heard him.

He turned around and I was met with the most pained face I had ever seen. Our eyes locked and we stood there for minutes, breathing heavily. What did he mean he was such a monster? And he knows my name. How? And he loves me? How could he? I must have heard it wrong. And how does he know I missed him? And he seemed happy with that… I'm so confused!

...

Edward

I froze and inhaled deeply. It was Bella and she was standing behind me, a few feet away. Her heart was beating faster and her breathing was accelerated. I was becoming really reckless. How could I have not noticed her? I knew I could spot her in a crowd with my eyes closed and yet, there I was, completely alone, and had completely missed her strawberry perfume. I was such an idiot. I turned around and was met with the most confused face I had ever seen. Poor girl, it was enough I was crazy, I didn't want her to become one too. Our eyes locked and we stood there for minutes, breathing heavily. She had her hands covering her pretty lips. Her answer! She had answered me which meant she had heard me! Oh god! What did she hear? Has she heard my entire rant or has she heard only the last part? Probably the second. If she had been here the entire time she wouldn't have said "yes". She would have left screaming and called the police. But she's going to find me weird either way. Maybe she heard I love her, and that I know her name, and oh god that I know she misses me. How am I going to explain THAT? I'm so screwed.

...

Bella

I didn't move, I didn't know what to do. It was as if we were both waiting for the other to say something, react. How could I be the one to break the ice? I was the one eavesdropping, I had intruded! I couldn't bear the tension of our locked eyes so I suddenly found my feet very interesting, moving awkwardly from side to side, ruffling the soil. I couldn't believe I was going to speak but I had to apologize.

"I'm sorry."

...

Edward

She was sorry. For what? For being perfect? For turning my world upside down? For making me feel human and alive and happy and worth of something?

Say something Edward! Don't leave the girl hanging!

Oh right! Right! Shit! Hmm…

"Please. Don't say that. There's nothing to be sorry for."

She wasn't looking at me anymore. Was she disgusted by me? Was she afraid? Maybe she had heard me after all.

She said something but I didn't quite catch it. What the hell? Am I deaf or something? So I waited to see if she was going to repeat it… louder preferably. She raised her head and looked me in the eyes again but it was hard to see her, the lightning wasn't good enough.

"How do you know my name?"

Her voice was louder this time but still not enough and she sounded nervous. At least she's making questions about her. What do I say? Should I tell her the truth? That I eavesdropped? If I wanted to attempt any kind of relationship with her I had to be honest about everything… okay, almost everything.

"I… I heard you talking… with someone. And he called you Bella."

There! I said it! Phew!

"Oh…"

Oh? What does that mean, oh? Is it good? Is she mad?

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. It's just that…"

Yeah you didn't mean to. Right. You're so full of shit Edward!

Hey! Weren't you gone?

"Oh, no. Please… That's okay. I mean… No harm done."

Yes!

"But don't you think it would only be fair if I knew yours?"

Damn! Her voice is much more confident this time. She spoke clearly. Maybe she isn't scared after all. Come on Edward! You can do it! Say it! Out loud!

"Hmm…" I cleared my throat… "I'm…" one more time… "Edward."… "My name is Edward."

"Hi Edward. It is very nice to meet you."

And she smiled at me! Ooooh god! She's smiling! For me! I was feeling like an overly excited little school girl. You are pathetic!

"Hi… Bella. It is very nice to meet you too." And then I returned the smile.

...

Bella

Finally! Something! He had finally given me something on him. And accompanied by the most amazingly breathtaking smile I had ever seen. Edward… what an old fashioned name. It was beautiful though, especially coming from his mouth. Every word that came from his mouth sounded beautiful. Aaah, the English gentlemen. Okay, so introductions were made and I knew he had been eavesdropping. I guess we're even then!

"Well, I guess we're even then!" I chuckled.

"Excuse me?"

"Yes, well. I eavesdropped on you but now I know you did the same with me so… I guess we're even!" I tried to sound cute. It probably worked because he also chucked.

"Yes, we could say that. But if we're measuring things here, I would say you still have a lot of eavesdropping to do." He brought his right hand to his hair, nervously ruffling it, his right hand inside his pocket.

Awkward. So he had been spying on me… a lot.

An eerie silence settled again between us. This time I wasn't going to speak though. I wanted to see what he had to say too. I had mustered up enough courage to ask him his name and I even joked a little, so now I was going to wait and see what he had to give.

...

Edward

I couldn't believe the sun was about to rise. The moment would be completely ruined! I needed to hold on a little longer, just a little so I could speak to her and look into her beautiful eyes. Now that the sky was becoming brighter I was able to see her clearly. She had her hair a little messy, it was so cute! Her big brown eyes were alert, taking everything around her in. Her beautiful lips were slightly parted and her cheeks were flushed from the cold. She had her hands stuffed inside the pockets of a huge fluffy sweater and she was wearing pajama bottoms and some big boots. She was simply adorable. I needed to say something, it was probably wise to tell her I needed to go, but I didn't want to disappoint her, not when everything was going smoothly!

"Hmm… Bella?"

"Yes?"

She looked curious. I interested her. It made me so happy.

"Listen, I… I really want to stay here… with you… but I'm afraid I'm going to have to leave. You see, it's almost day and…" My heart hurt.

"Oh, no. Of course. I don't want to keep you. I'm sure you have… other places to be."

She sounded so sad! Shit! I hurt her feelings!

I bravely took a few steps forward but she gasped so I stopped. I guessed it was too fast for her. I couldn't push my luck.

"Oh, no! That's not it! I just… I have to go because…" I didn't know what to say.

Shit, I'm fucking things up.

...

Bella

I was looking intently at him because with the sky getting lighter I could see him clearer. He was different. The thing I immediately noticed was his eyes. They were not the orange I had seen that first night. They were really dark, like red but not bright red. Like red wine red. He is sick! And then he began talking and saying he had to leave. He didn't want to stay with me. Of course not! He probably had some place to be, someone to be with. I'm sure my face showed my disappointment. That's when he moved. But he moved towards me so fast I gasped. He scared me. How did he do that? And then he was super nervous, trying to find excuses. I could see he was trying hard, poor guy.

"No, Edward, really, I understand. Actually I'm getting cold and I could use something to eat so… I'll get going. See you around?" And I gave him a weak smile.

I wanted to sound casual but it was not working. I also couldn't make my body turn away. My brain was screaming at me to leave but… Who was this man? What was wrong with him? I had so many questions and zero answers. I really hopped I would see him again.

"Yes, Bella. I guess it is cold." He looked at the top of the trees and our surroundings. Then he looked at me and his eyes began to drop. "Maybe I'll see you tonight?" It was more of a question than a statement but before I could answer him, he dropped dead in front of me and his body fell hard on the ground.

a/n: oookay. so... leave a review please!

And i want to thank everyone who reviewed the last chapter and everyone who thought this story was worth following =)

kisses