Chapter 10

I risked walking close to him while walking towards McGonagall's office with my hand barely brushing his. He didn't seem to mind it; he had yet to distance himself. My blood was still pumping heavily through my veins, almost so hard it hurt. We had done more than just casual snuggling or making out, we had taken it a step further. Euphoria welled inside me. Everything was perfectly fine with the world. What did I care whether James and the others couldn't handle my affair with Severus? If they were just too Gryffindor to be in the same room with a Slytherin, or to be friends with someone who could, they were no better than the pureblood elitists. And who was I really? I was born and bred a Slytherin. That was where I came from and no matter how much they tried to deny it; it would never stop being the truth. Did this mean they secretly resented me too? Well, they could go on being prudes all they wanted, I had what I needed and he was walking not even inches away from me.

Staring down at him he must have felt my gaze, looking up at me a smile gracing his face; the one showing his small and crooked teeth. Not a force in the world could have stopped me from grabbing him and giving him yet another sound kiss right then and there. In that smile I had seen the same feelings I myself was experiencing. He was a master of lies, but that smile couldn't hide a thing.

'Every time I look at you I can't stop thinking you're the most gorgeous thing to have walked this earth,' I whispered hoarsely while stroking one of his neat eyebrows with my thumb. He rolled his eyes at me, but his goofy smile had yet to fade.

Most moments never last for long. We were still walking slowly down the corridor to McGonagall's office in our own little bliss when Severus suddenly froze at my side. Raising my head curiously to see whatever it was that had him unsettled again I felt myself stiffen in surprise too. James stood leaning nonchalantly against the wall opposite the office door with his hands in his pockets. Straightening up to my quite recognizable height I cocked my head in a questioning manner.

'What're you doing here?' I asked, trying to appear as cool as he was. With a shrug he pulled away from the wall, raising his eyebrows lightly.

'Me?' he said, letting his eyes travel from me to Severus and back again. 'You guys seem to have a merry time.'

'What are you doing here?' I asked again, brushing off his comment as if it was of no importance.

'Well, what do you think I am doing in front of McGonagall's office? Hanging out? I have detention. Apparently with you two…'

I looked quickly at Severus, but all his attention was focused on James.

'And where are those other friends of yours?' he asked, his wand hand clenching and unclenching. 'It's rare to see you at a detention all alone.'

James made a grimace like he tasted something sour while looking at Severus, then his brown eyes fell on me again. They seemed to be without compromise, and in a flash of revelation I wondered if this was the James Severus had always seen: arrogant, hostile and dangerous.

Like a saving angel McGonagall opened her office door, interrupting whatever might have unfolded between us.

'Well,' she snapped when we failed to make any movements on our own, 'your detention will be served outside today.'

Both I and James groaned loudly, but Snape remained quiet by my side.

All three of us stood outside in the biting cold watching Hagrid demonstrate our detention to us. We were to dig up and shift the soil in an herb garden at the edge of the forest and then plant some rare and imported seeds. Apparently they were the opposite of any other flower and grew only during winter at night time, harvesting during spring. I had been given the task of running up to the Gryffindor Tower to collect our cloaks, and now I stood clutching it to as close as possible. Severus was positively quivering in the cold wind beside me now that the sun had set. Even James, who had spent years perfecting his cool, was biting down on his bottom lip to stop his teeth from clattering. It didn't seem like Hagrid noticed any of this while he happily dug the shovel in the earth and turned a huge piece around.

'I know it's a poor job an' all, but yeh're three so it won't take tha' long to finish,' he beamed at us. 'I just got some business ter see to in the forest, so I'll be back real soon. Now I don't want any of yeh to be arguin' while I'm gone alright?' Hagrid tried to look sternly at the three of us, and if he was confused why I was standing together with a Slytherin instead of my housemate he didn't show it. Hefting his crossbow over his back he had soon summoned the old dog and disappeared into the long shadows of the forest.

The silence stretched between us as we all stood staring after him, each our shovel and bag of seeds in our hands.

'Why does the faculty at Hogwarts insist on leaving us to our own supervision during detention?' asked Severus ponderously, his large cloak billowing violently around his thin frame.

'I was just thinking the same thing,' I muttered, wondering whether James could hear any of our quiet conversation through the noise of the wind. If he could he didn't show it. He was busy wandering over to the rows of dirt and dug his shovel listlessly into it.

'Damn this,' he muttered loud enough to carry over to where I and Severus stood. 'It's autumn, the soil is frozen now. How do they expect us to manage this during one evening?'

'James!' I called out. First I didn't think he would turn, but grudgingly he looked over his shoulder at me. The only light we had to see by was a lantern Hagrid had optimistically hung on a pole by the fence, but the only effect it gave was making the darkness even darker. The creeping shadows from the forest rested across James' face, making his features look distorted. 'How come you got detention?'

James scoffed and turned back to force the shovel into the frozen ground. Time went by and when no answer was forthcoming from him, Severus eventually picked up his own shovel and walked quietly up to the other end of the small field.

Being uncharacteristically diplomatic for once, I opted to start in the middle of the row so that neither begun to provoke the other with undue stares or anything similar to it. I don't know how long we stood there trying to breach the crust of the earth, but my hands had already grown numb when a voice interrupted our studious work.

'I just wanted to see what the hell you were up to during the detentions since it seemed so damn important to you.' Throwing the shovel down on the ground James straightened up and looked at me. I stopped my own work and returned the stare; I could hear the rhythmic thumps of Severus' shovel ceasing behind me. I think we were both holding our breaths at that point. Remus' revelation that both James and Peter were on to what was happening came back to me. Though not even I was certain of what the hell was going on.

'I promise you,' I answered as nonchalantly I could with my clattering teeth, 'nothing more exciting than this happens.' I would have thrown away the shovel too if I just could have made my frozen fingers move at all. As it were they had a worrying shade of blue and held the handle of the shovel in a spasm like grip.

It didn't seem like James was listening to me anymore. He was staring at something behind me. His eyes had narrowed and just as the idea hit me I could see him dragging his wand in lightening reflex. All I managed to perceive before diving for the ground was that the first spell had been cast from behind me. Turning around while on all four I Severus had already dragged his wand and was deftly blocking all of James' hexes. James was angry, he was shouting curses and jinxes both muggle and magical alike at Severus who was shielding them one by one. I knew it would never end well for James if his temper kept on making him act impulsive and irrational. Neither was I certain Severus' hatred for James would make him throw something a bit more serious than a batboogey jinx. If I had learnt something during the time with him it was that he was not predictable in the least. If James' temper caused Severus to lose the little grip he had on his own passion he could find himself expelled from Hogwarts sooner than he could say Dark Arts. Jumping up from the ground I pulled out my own wand, but refrained from using it while they were moving around. It was all going so fast I couldn't keep on one target long enough.

'Severus, put down your wand!' I tried to yell over the zaps and curses of the flashing wands. 'Please!' I wasn't the least bit surprised when Severus let my request go completely unheeded. James' hot anger meant that he acted like the lightening quick seeker he was and curse after curse flashed out of his wand and not even Severus was able to turn the tide. His shield held the curses, but James was soon advancing and in order to keep the distance Severus had begun to back away and towards the forest. Their duel dance moved faster and faster, forcing Severus to run backwards while James had taken up a light jogging in his advancement. Jumping to the left instead of making another block, James' curse hit the ground and the earth flashed up with the sparks and the frozen grass sizzled with the dying flames. Just as quickly as he had dodged the curse Severus had sent one at James. He had been unable to block it and it hit him straight in the face. An enraged howl escaped him. Severus used the opportunity to turn and sprint in towards the forest. I had never been far away from James, though frozen in my horror at the duel unfolding in front of me. Jumping forward I could see that a long cut appeared on his face, tracing from his forehead and down to his mouth right across his eye. Blood was pouring down the right side of his face and his mouth was twisted into a furious snarl. Taking him by the shoulder I was about to use my cloak to halt some of his bleeding but he pushed me off violently.

'Get off me,' he growled and before I managed to regain my balance he was off in a run after Severus. I quickly lost sight of them both in the deep shadows of the forest. Peering in I could hear faint shouts and colourful lights fluttered like fairies between the huge trunks.

I stood in a moment of indecision before tightening the grip around my wand and running headfirst into the forest after them. The darkness was almost unimaginable, not even a glimmer of the moonlight or the bright stars could filter through the thick growth of the trees.

'Lumos,' I whispered in a futile attempt at brightening up the surroundings. All I could see in the circle of light around me were stones, roots and trees. The hair on the back of my neck stood up like the hackles of a dog. Which reminded me… Putting away my wand and closing my eyes I took a deep breath and felt my paws, my strong muscles, and the fur across my body and the sharp teeth in my mouth. But most importantly I could now hear and see everything that moved and lived in the forest. Jumping over the roots in huge leaps I sniffed the air and could soon feel the scent of my friend and lover as a taste on my tongue.

Their loud noises were no longer difficult to hear or to locate; they weren't really that far away from me. Galloping in between the trees I could remember how free it had felt to run these same paths with my friends. That was nearly a month ago now, and I wondered if Remus wanted me to join him the next full moon. It was difficult to follow these trains of thoughts when my dogmind was more concentrated on the sounds and scents I was tracking. Letting my human worries go it took me maybe a minute or less to find and hunt down my stray friends. For some reason their noise suddenly stopped. Hadn't it been for the fact that I could hear two human shapes move, I would have been worried. Lurking in between two massive roots I found James slowly trailing a trunk with his hand to steady himself in the dark. All his senses were piqued, but in the dark he was as blind as any human and I could scent worry radiate from him.

With good reason I soon realized: Severus was on the other side of the trunk James tried to navigate around. He stood clear with his wand; his eyes alight with a strange burning fire. He must have thrown some form of dark art curse that made it possible for him to see in the dark. He had no problems seeing James slowly, but surely, closing in, walking right into the spider's web. His mouth was curved into a cruel smile and I was sure that the magical fire in his eyes weren't the only thing that made them burn.

Just when James was about to clumsily step over a root and around the trunk, I jumped out from my hiding place transforming into my human skin as I did. Fixing my wand out of my sleeve I cast a lumos and shoved it right into Severus' face. He howled in agitation. The additional light hurt his eyes and he shielded his face like a vampire confronted with sunlight.

James had stopped with his foot on the root and was staring at me and Severus with his mouth slightly agape. He hadn't realized how close he had been to danger. We both knew that Severus could have been planning anything, really. Out here in the desolate forest he could have claimed that he lost track of James, that he had walked back innocently thinking James had given up the chase. Severus would have stunned him or worse before leaving him here to a certain faith.

An anger raised in me so great that before I could stop myself I had pinned Severus against the tree by the throat. He had yet to remove the torch spell on his eyes and the wand I held up against his face was hurting him so much tears were streaming down his face.

'What the fuck do you think you were doing?' I growled at him, baring my teeth as if I were still in my canine shape.

'Sirius,' he moaned pitifully, trying to reach his eyes with his hands. I only tightened my grip around his throat and he dropped them limply by his side.

'Drop your wand,' I ordered. He did as ordered without even a second's hesitation. The wood of his wand clattered against the ground and I loosened my grip around his throat, but I didn't release it. 'You're pissing me off,' I continued still mercilessly holding my wand up to his eyes. He was clenching them as tightly shut as he could. 'I knew you started that duel, you wanted to trick James into the forest didn't you? Look at me!'

'Sirius,' whispered James beside me, but I ignored him. He could think what he wanted, this stood between me and Severus. That sly Slytherin should know better than to touch what was mine. But even so, I lowered the wand a friction so that the light wasn't shining directly into his eyes anymore.

'Look at me,' I commanded again, calmly. Slowly he opened them and turned his head. The flames were still there and the whites of his eyes had turned a burning shade of scarlet. It made for a bizarre effect. Severus' skin was a pasty shade of white because of the effort it took him to open his eyes in the too bright light. I could feel him shake slightly in my grip. Slowly he had turned his gaze and was now looking me right in the face with his eyelids fluttering furiously, his body forcing him to protect himself. Finally I took pity on him and released my grip. Immediately he dived down to the ground with his hands in front of his face.

I could have blinded him if I had held him there much longer. Severus knew this too, yet he trusted me enough to do as I had told him. I wanted to hold him. Close. Crush his slim bones to me. But James made me painfully aware of his presence when he took a hold of my arm to garner my attention.

'What the hell was all that about?' he hissed, looking at me with an expression I could only interpret as something between fright and curiosity.

'He was about to make a quick end to the legend that is James Potter,' I told him. The revelation had shaken me deeper than I wanted to show. Looking down at the shape sitting on his knees, carefully extracting the flames from his eyes, I knew now how dangerous he was. He could seem so fragile and vulnerable, taking to tears and so easy to bruise but… underestimating him would mean a certain end to things.

I felt cheated and confused. And if possible; even more in love than before.

When we finally managed to stumble out of the forest relatively unscathed we found Hagrid by the field with his dog. I had never seen the friendly keeper angry before in my life, but the sight that met us when we exited the forest made me halt in my steps.

'Thank Merlin! There yeh are!' he bellowed upon seeing us. 'I was certain yeh had wandered an' gotten yerself lost in the forest!'

'Ah, you should know better than that,' said James and beamed the winning smile that could unarm any authority. 'We never get lost; we just saw something of interest and thought we should check it out. We never went further than we could see the light there.'

Hagrid nodded slowly and a wheezing laughter errupted beside me. The predatory grin had spread itself across Severus' face again. The torchlight distorted it and with his already blood-shot and black eyes the effect made him look beyond mad.

'Who'd think a Gryffindor able to lie that smoothly,' he whispered. His voice was raspy, most probably from my chokehold on him just a few moments earlier. A shudder gripped me involuntarily.

'James, what's happened to yer face?' exclaimed Hagrid suddenly and with his great hands took a hold of James' shoulder and forced him into the light. The relatively well-built boy looked like a puppet in Hagrid's giant paws.

'Just a twig! It was just a twig!' shouted James in defense against the maltreatment he was experiencing. 'I just got caught on a twig in the darkness of the forest.'

'That's not a scratch, that's a cut as I have ever seen one! No way aroun' that,' mused Hagrid gruffly and cast us a glance. 'Yeh've been fightin', haven't yeh?

'Yes of course we'd like to spend our detentions fighting. Especially if this will earn us even more detentions than we already serve. That's highly logical,' drawled Snape while he lurked around the circle of light the pathetic lantern was providing. Hagrid was following his progress with narrowed eyes.

'I'm not stupid,' said Hagrid and gently placed James down on the ground again. 'No matter what yeh might think Snape. Dumbledore has been givin' me the orders to keep an eye on yeh all. Most of all yeh, Severus Snape. That's what he said; "never leave Severus out of sight, Hagrid," he said.'

'Too late,' murmured Severus, who had moved so that Hagrid stood in between us. The big man was obviously shaken by what was happening and James stared at him with wide, open eyes. Probably wondering how to best save the moment if I knew him at all. Eventually he did the only thing James knew how and turned to confront Severus directly.

'Shut your face you dirty Death Eater,' he growled, raising his wand threateningly. It must have been just what Severus had been waiting for. His hand was slowly sneaking into his robes to collect his own wand. I don't know why he hadn't whipped it out at lightning speed like he usually did, but it saved the situation from escalating into yet another duel.

'Stop that James,' Hagrid said forcing James' arm gently down again. 'I don' need yeh to fight fer me, get it?'

It must have had hurt James's burning pride to do it, but he heeded Hagrid's request.

'Mark my words,' he snarled instead and pointed a finger instead of a wand. 'This is not over yet. When we're out of school I will hunt you down and give you the sentence you deserve.'

'Likewise Potter, likewise.'

It didn't come as a surprise when Hagrid declared that detention was over. Whoever had decided that giving him the responsibility for supervising detention involving me, James and Severus couldn't be very aware. That, or too optimistic and had a cravings for anything sweet and colourful.

I was watching my dirty shoes while walking listlessly down the corridors. Severus was in the dungeons now. I still didn't know why he hadn't shown up for classes. Things had seemed so sweet and so impossibly easy for a few blissful moments. But of course, impossible had been the operative word the entire time. How could I ever fool myself into thinking that anything with Severus could ever be easy or just sweet? Choosing him would be synonymous to discarding my friends. The life I had pictured. Everything I had built up to show myself and the world that I was not just a Black. I was supposed to be an auror together with James, young and immortal and smartly clothed in long red cloaks.

But the few moments I spent with him every day still gave me something I had never felt previously. It was like a drug. The first taste left one reeling and curious, the next made you want more. More and more. Eventually you were just counting down the seconds for the next kick.

'What happened there in the forest?'

I had barely noticed James walking just a few steps behind me all the way from the grounds.

'What do you mean?'

He had seen things there he shouldn't have seen. Heard things that I would not be able to explain. I mean how could I? I was unable to explain it to myself, much less someone who couldn't possibly know how this all felt.

'He called you by your given name… for starters.'

Oh that. You shouldn't have done that Severus. Not that I was to point any fingers, I who had been blurting his name out all over the place.

'Maybe he thought it would throw me off.'

And it nearly had. Hearing my name spoken by his eloquent voice still made me shudder. He had just recently taken it up and he must have realized what kind of effect it had on me.

'I have never seen Snape obey an order so quickly before, either.'

No, neither had I. And it had felt wonderful. I had felt him lean into my touch as he did it, giving in. We all knew he would have had no problems fighting me off. Not after the initial shock of the lumos.

'I took him by surprise; maybe he thought he'd play surrender to trick me. Who knows with him, right?'

So many lies during just one evening. We all lied all the time. The only thing I knew to be true was how my heart raced when I saw him, when I heard him talk, when he looked at me. There had been no lies in the smile he had given me. Or the touches.

'You have been serving detention together for around a week now right? Only a week left then… aren't you looking forward to that?'

My heart sank painfully. The thought made my throat tighten and I shoved it away from myself violently. It was just detention for Merlin's sake! It wasn't as if everything would end when our last night was served together…

'Of course.'

Damn lies.

'I didn't think you were talking to me these days,' I eventually said, initiating a change of direction in the conversation. We were soon at the Gryffindor tower now, any chat would soon be put an end to.

'I'm not… I just-' James stopped in his pace and grabbed a hold of my robes. It annoyed me and I snapped them quickly out of his grip, but stopped walking. 'Look. We've been friends for six years, six years, and then we're going to let it end like this? I worry about you, don't you get that!'

'Worry about me? What is all this shit about worrying? First Remus and now you? What's next, Peter's gonna sit me down for some tea and a long chat? I don't get what the hell you guys think is wrong!'

'That's the thing isn't it?' said James with in an exasperated sigh, letting his arms down by his sides in surrender. Shaking his head before looking down and beyond the end of the corridor, he eventually turned his gaze back to me. His brown eyes glittered strangely. 'The Sirius I knew would understand why his friends worried about him when he willingly spent time with Snivellus and seemed to enjoy it. Just saying.'

There were a few seconds of silence where I couldn't bring myself to do anything but look at him. The torches aligning the corridor flickered lightly in the chilly draft.

'It's hard to explain... he- ' I began lamely but let it fall dead to the ground. Giving it yet another try I waved my arms desperately to try and make James understand. 'He's… just so…'

'Insane?'

'Yes!'

James gave me a dubious stare. I didn't know what I was trying to explain at all.

The rest of the walk up to the Gryffindor tower was conducted in silence.

'Don't you find it curious how until now we have only shared detention with Potter? And how we're always left alone?'

Severus was sitting with his legs crossed on the floor, slowly polishing a plaque of some kind. I was attempting to do the same, but having him sit there made for a delicious distraction. Being on uncertain terms with your mates while you lived in school meant that everyday life could become quite difficult to cope with. They were your family away from home so to say. The ones you turned to when you needed to talk, unwind or just joke about. The tension between the four of us was so thick you could nearly touch it.

The rest of the house was noticing the split too. They didn't talk to us about it, but I noticed the curious stares and how they always peeked over at James when they talked to me, as if they weren't certain they were allowed. The short conversation James and I had had concerning Severus the evening before had been the only communication since then. I was in a way starting to understand where they came from. To them it looked like I was abandoning them in the favour of one of our arch enemies. Had they just taken the opportunity to get to know him like I did instead of writing it all off instantly, maybe things would have been a bit different. Thanks to Severus' stunt last night though, I doubted either of them would be very co-operative.

'Black.'

Severus' calm mentioning of my family named awakened me from my thoughts and I tried to concentrate on what he had been saying. Yes, it was kind of odd the way our detentions had been conducted. The fact that not even Filch where hanging around breathing down our necks and threatening us with corporal punishment was curious, to say the least.

'It's not like I mind the circumstances, though,' I said with a sly grin in his direction and wiggled my eyebrows suggestively. This earned me a glare and a thinning of lips.

'Horny dog,' scoffed Severus and looked down on his plaque again. 'I wonder if it's a set up, all of it. A part of Dumbledore's plan maybe…'

'Dumbledore has a plan to make his students bugger around the castle?' I asked before narrowing my eyes suspiciously, 'I knew it!'

I couldn't help but laugh at the thought and even though he tried to hide it I could clearly see the glint of mirth in Severus' eyes. They were still slightly blood-shot, but not nearly as bad as the previous night. Surprisingly it didn't seem like he held any grudges towards me or my ill-treatment of him either. Perhaps he had understood that he had crossed the line somewhere.

'Even so, if we try to concentrate and act like intelligent human beings, yes I know that might be difficult for you, but please do try… what could Dumbledore possibly get out of this? Is he really that certain of his meddling abilities that leaving us alone would not result in the death of the other?'

'Well… it hasn't,' I answered at length and shrugged my shoulders. 'How am I supposed to know whether he knew this would be the result or not?'

'Throwing Potter into the concoction was a ridiculous idea though,' mused Severus, brushing his long hair out of his face and behind his ear. He had taken up doing that around me and I couldn't help but interpret it as a sign of trust. Putting down my plaque, it was still as grimy as when I had first started on it, I leaned over and took a hold around Severus' ankle. He startled, but didn't resist when I dragged him closer to me.

Holding him felt perfect. I spent the entire day in some sort of limbo, never knowing whether talking to my classmates was alright. Throwing furtive glances at James who was busy trying not to do the same, then feeling Remus' mournful silence and Peter's confused tries to make it all seem like nothing had happened just made it all that much more unbearable. So when I at the end of the day could wander down to my Head of House's office and see him already standing there waiting for me, nothing of that seemed to matter much at all anymore. The fact that he was the cause of most of the chaos was something I tried to push as far away from me as possible.

Severus did almost all his work with his sleeves over his delicate hands. Now I knew why, of course, but it didn't help on the desire I had to properly pull them up to his elbow. If anyone was able to make a craft out of doing anything and everything with hands handicapped by heavy robes, it had to be Severus. Yet, I didn't want to waste this opportunity to do what I had ached to do for ages. Pushing up his robesleeves and undoing the buttons by his wrists, I neatly rolled these up too. The bandages around his left arm had been removed, and the scars were seemingly growing quite nicely. I didn't doubt they had been aided by a healing salve of some sort. Rubbing my finger up and down his uneven, pale skin I felt him lean into me.

Truth be told, the entire situation was unbelievable and if someone had told me about a week ago this would happen I would have cursed them in all the ways I knew how. No wonder they worried about my sanity.

'And Rosier, what does he think of all this?' I asked, still busying myself by tracing his translucent blue veins. Severus stiffened in my lap and tried to retract his arm, but I held it firmly.

'He… doesn't think anything of it,' answered Severus, still not relaxing back in our embrace.

'Don't lie to me,' I growled and tightened my hold around him. It was a possessive grip, not a violent one, and he seemed to welcome it, relaxing just a little.

'I think you can guess what Rosier would have thought of it all. Actually though… he doesn't have the faintest idea, really. Do you think I would let him get a hunch of this?'

Something didn't add up there and I frowned in confusion while I tried to think through it. What about the marks, the aggression, how he had been stalking us just a few days ago? It was obvious he was onto something. If James and Peter were able to figure out that everything wasn't as it used to be, then Rosier surely must have. He had seen my bite marks on Severus, after all. Or had I misunderstood the entire thing?

'Severus, that's impossible,' I finally said with a hint of doubt in my voice. 'For him not to know, I mean.'

'People only know what I want them to know.'

Leaning in I stole a swift kiss from him. It was difficult, since he held his head slightly lowered, but using my free hand to raise his chin fixed that easily. His lips were already slightly parted and I used the opportunity so wantonly given to me for all that I could. He was sleek and warm, tasting slightly of the roast biff he had had for dinner. And pumpkin juice, that was decidedly pumpkin juice. Sitting on the stonefloor with someone on your lap wasn't the most comfortable of positions, but it had to do. There were only these few hours every evening that we had to ourselves. Severus was right; the absence of any supervisor was rather suspicious.

But I wondered; if his hate for me was as strong as he had claimed it to be, then why was he giving himself up like this? Why did he wear that goofy grin when I drew away and looked at him? He was a never-ending conundrum, Severus Snape.

'If you hate me, why do you let me kiss you?' I asked out of the self-destructive habit I had.

'I hate you because I let you kiss me,' answered Severus simply, and I felt my mind reel with the insanity of it all.