Both, Either, Neither

Chapter 9: Thank God I added 'Okonomiyaki' to my Spell-Checker

"Ranko Saotome?", asked the brown haired boy holding a huge spatula.

"Er… yes?", responded Ranko.

"What do you want?", asked Akane indignantly. This whole 'kissing Ranko' thing was supposed to get the boys to leave her alone.

"Son of Genma Saotome?", the spatula-boy further inquired.

"Sort … of", responded Ranko. 'How the hell does everyone seem to knoq about that… thing where I'm sort of not a girl…"

"You and me are going to go have a little talk", stated spatula boy, grabbing Ranko by the shirt.

"Hey!", screamed Ranko, as the boy jumped out the window, carrying her with him.

"This is the third story!", someone screamed. Akane ran to the window, only to see Ranko and Ukyo headed for the Furinkan High School Swimming pool.

Splash!

Did you know, for plot purpose, exactly once a year the Furinkan high school swimming pool is filled with scalding hot water? The school looked on puzzled as Ukyo Kounji and some pigtailed boy wearing clothes a lot like Ranko's surface from the pool, and watched Ukyo (who hadn't noticed Ranko's change yet) out of the water and then out of view behind the swim-equipment storage shed.

"Oh my", "Who's that new guy?", and "Do you think Ukyo's gay? He never attacked Akane…" could be heard from various class people. Akane for her part was already rushing down the stares in hopes of getting some answers. 'What the hell does that stupid boy think he's doing, running off with my fiancé like that?'

(meanwhile, behind a shed)

"What… the", Ukyo (formerly referred to as 'spatula-boy') noticed that the person she was dragging with her(to simplify my pronoun usage, for this passage I will use 'her' for both Ukyo and Ranko despite their perceptions of each others' genders as both being male) was taller, didn't look like he had breasts, and had different colored, albeit similarly styled, hair. Actually, all things considered this, looked liked the Ranko she remembered, not that weird red-haired girly-looking boy. 'Still', thought Ukyo to herself, 'when did I lose that weirdo?'

"Uh…", Ranko started to explain, "Chinese curse!"

"Where!", Ukyo looked behind her.

"No," Ranko explained, "that's why I look different; it's a Chinese curse."

"Oh", Ukyo remarked. "Anyway, I'm supposed to kill you."

"In that case", Ranko idly commented, "maybe I should be leaving."

"No", Ukyo stated, "it's okay, I don't really want to."

"Hey you look kinda fimiliar", Ranko carefully studied the boys face, "do I know you from somewhere?"

"Maybe", Ukyo replied non-committaly, "but that really wouldn't matter, now"

Ranko sniffed at her childhood friend. "Hey! You smell just like Uchan's okonomiyaki!"

"You're Uchan, aren't you!", Ranko exclaimed, quite excited.

"So you remember me, huh?", Ukyo commented.

"Of course I remember you!", Ranko bear-hugged her old friend, "you were my best friend!"

"Hey!", Ukyo pried the pig-tailed, as she saw it, boy off of her.

"If you are so glad to see me now why the hell'd you leave me back then?" demanded Ukyo.

"Because pop said we had to go! I didn't want to!" protested Ranko.

"You were supposed to take me with JACKASS!", Ukyo swore.

"But… why?", Ranko puzzled.

"Ranko…", Ukyo growled, "what do you remember about you and your dad leaving?"

"Hmm…", thought Ranko.

Here we make use of the flashback and also basically recycle what happened in the Anime. I have absolutely no excuse for doing this except that I both like and remember this scene fairly well.

A super-deformed Ukyo is running screaming "wait, wait! Ranchan! "

"Try harder", commented contemporary Ukyo

A super-deformed Ukyo is running screaming "wait, wait! Ranchan! " as a super-deformed Ranma and normal Genma roll away on an Okonomiyaki yattai.

"Hey", commented contemporary Ranko, "why's my dad got you're cart?"

"Because", Ukyo screamed, "IT WAS MY DOWRY, YOU JACKASS!"

"Why would my dad take your dowry?", Ranko suddenly figured it out, "uh oh…"

"Because", Ukyo screamed, spatula poised to strike, "WE WERE ENGAGED YOU STUPID JACKASS!"

"Hey!", Ranko attempted to calm her friend, "he didn't tell me! I didn't know!"

"You", Ukyo halted, "didn't?"

"Nope", Ranko shook her head. "He just said we'd been staying in one place too long, had to keep moving, couldn't have me turning into a weak little girl."

"Hey!", Ukyo folded her arms across her chest, "girls aren't weak!"

"Yeah, I know", Ranko agreed, "I mean I am one."

"Wait", it was Ukyo's turn to look puzzled, "you're a girl?"

"100 ", contributed Akane.

"Heh… heh", a huge sweat-drop formed on Ukyo head, "how long have you been there?"

"Long enough to tell you to stop molesting my fiancé!" screamed Akane, swing her bookbag at Ukyo.

"What are you talking about?", demanded Ukyo, dodging, "Ranko's my fiancé!"

"No she's mine!", Akane grabbed Ranko possessively.

"Hey!", Ranko protested, "I like to think I'm mine!"

"And since when's Ranko a girl?", demanded Ukyo, further.

"Since ever!", shouted Akane, still glomped onto Ranko.

"Almost!", contributed Ranko, adding to the confusion.

"But I can't marry a girl!", protested Ukyo.

"Well then don't!", Akane shouted.

"Why not?", inquired Ranko, curiously.

"Because I'm a girl you jackasses!", Ukyo protested vehemently.

"Since when?", Ranko demanded, stunned.

"Since ever!", shouted Ukyo, with remarkable symmetry.

"But I thought you were a boy!", protested Ranko.

"Well I had to be after you left!", Ukyo retorted.

"What d'ya mean?", sputtered Ranko.

"You ran off with my dowry!", Ukyo screamed, "I could never live down the shame! My father made me dress as a boy and swear I'd hunt you down and kill you! I'll never marry, never carry on the family, I'll I've got left is my art!"

"And you're damned lucky that that's good enough for me!", Ukyo finished.

"I'm sorry!", Ranko almost-but-not-quite cried, grabbing her friend in a hug, "I'll do anything to make it up!"

"Hey!", Akane pouted, "you're my fiancé too!"

"Oh! And I suppose Genma Saotome ran off with your dowry and your dad made you give up your femininity and swear revenge on the only real friend you ever had!", Ukyo retorted.

"Well..", Akane looked down at her foot and kicked at a stray rock, "no."

"It's okay", Ukyo pushed Ranko, who let go willing this time, away from her, "I don't want a fiancé anyway."

"But we're still friends", Ranko quickly questioned, "right?"

"Well…", Ukyo considered, "fine, but you better hope my dad doesn't find out."